• Published 1st Oct 2012
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A Pony Walks Into A Bar... - chief maximus



A Ponyville bartender tends to the booze-related needs of Ponyville seven nights a week.

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Bonus Chapter: Trixie

Trixie

Another time, a unicorn in a cape and wizard hat wandered in. She held her head high as she entered, the hat dragging across the doorframe. With a swish of her magic, her clothes hung themselves on the hatrack. She sat herself down, and as soon as her tail hit the wood, she deflated, the confident mare that strode in nothing but a memory.

"What can I get for ya?"

"Bourbon."

Yikes. Somepony had a bad day.

"I never forget a face," I said, pouring her a glass. "But I don't think I've ever seen you around these parts."

She raised an eyebrow at me and scoffed. "The great and powerful... screw it." She took her shot and set the glass down hard on the bar. "You seriously don't know who I am?"

"No ma'am. Should I?"

"...Maybe it's better if you didn't."

I nodded. Sometimes patrons just blow into town for a drink and blow out just as quickly. I looked back at the clothes she had worn into the bar hanging on the rack. "So, you some kinda entertainer?"

Another scoff. "Until a certain somepony ruined my act. We can't all be the element of magic, you know!"

"Hecklers huh?"

Her eyes lit up.

"Like you've never seen! Who goes to a performer's show just to do that?"

She had me there.

"So what'd you do?" I asked.

She perked up, a smug smile crossing her lips as I poured her another shot. "After those philistines ruined my show, I left to plot my revenge. After careful planning and consideration, Trixie..." She paused, glancing back at me. Her confident smile faded rather quickly. "Led the idiot townsponies to bring an Ursa Minor into town and Trixie was simply too tired to tame it."

She said it in a whisper, but I heard it loud and clear. Thankfully, I was out of town on business, but I did read about the whole event in the papers.

"Oh, so you're that Trixie."

Ordinarily, I wouldn't give bad ponies the time of day. However, the look on her face and the remorse in her tone let me know that she was not a bad pony. Trixie was just one who'd had a string of bad luck, followed by some poor choices, followed by hecklers.

Not something that is as unusual as it might seem. Not around here, anyway.

"Trixie swears she's changed!" she said quickly, as if I was about to toss her out on her flanks for telling me who she actually was. I'm still not sure what the deal is with the whole 'third person' thing she's doing.

"Look, whatever you've done in the past ain't any business of mine," I assured her. "All I'm here to do is get you drinks, and lend an ear if one is needed."

She sighed.

"It's been a long time since Trixie... I mean, I've had someone to talk to." She put her hooves onto her forehead, dragging them down her face. "The whole 'third person' thing I do is just an act. Sometimes, I feel like I've been doing this for so long, I've forgotten whats real, and what's just acting."

The performers plight. I can't say I was familiar, but as I said before, I was there to listen and speak if needed. There are some situations your wise old bartender just can't help with.

Didn't stop me from trying, though.

"So why don't you just take a break from entertaining?"

She looked at me like I was stupid.

"Because I've grown accustomed to eating three meals a day."

"Well, I've heard the Princesses sometimes take an interest in proteges. You could go to that 'school for gifted unicorns' or whatever." I never had the grades for anything like that. Canterlot State baby! Go Solar Flares! Anyway, nothing wrong with going back to school.

"Perhaps... but it would take some time to acquire the wealth for the entry examination fee alone. Apparently, you must pay for your own dragon egg."

Those things were not cheap.

"One of my many adventures in college was searching for artifacts in my ' Intro to Ancient Curses and Hexed Objects'. We found the 'Alicorn Amulet.' Turns out it gives the wearer 'untold powers' or something like that."

"An amulet bestowing untold powers, you say? What happened to it?"

That was a tough one. "Hm... I think I needed money for a gambling trip me an my buddies were taking down to New Mareleans that semester, so I sold it to a pawnshop outside of Trotlanta."

Trixie sighed.

"Honestly, for now, Trixie is only trying to rebuild her devastated career..." she said sadly. "All of Trixie's life, she was told she couldn't do what she wanted because she wasn't good enough. Not good enough for the school for gifted unicorns, not good enough for entertainers college, not good enough for even a single bid by a reputable magic show!" She rested her head on a hoof. "Trixie's father wanted her to follow the family business of rock breaking, and she languished for most of her foalhood years. When Trixie got her cutie mark, she knew her destiny was in show business!" Her passion deflated as she continued her recount. "So I started out on my own, and my father was not pleased. Since then, we haven't spoken. Trixie told herself she wouldn't come back until she made a name for herself!" Her confidence faded quickly. "But... now it appears father was right."

"Look, maybe you just need a fresh start? Ponies have a pretty short memory around here. You'll be ancient history in no time!"

She considered it as I poured her another shot. "Perhaps you're right... but Trixie's cart has been wrecked, her reputation is shot... there is nothing more for her in the magic industry."

I hate to see dreams crumble in my bar. I bought this place to inspire ponies to come up with great ideas, scribble them onto a bar napkin, and then wonder what the significance of 'chicken sweaters' was. Anyway, I couldn't just let this mare talk herself out of her destiny! If her cutiemark was any indication, this mare was destined to be remembered.

"Hey now, no need to start talking like that! Everypony gets a rough start every now and then, but Equestria is all about second chances."

She searched my expression, waiting for me to burst out laughing, I'm assuming. "You think so?"

"You bet I do! All you need to do is head to a different town, sharpen up your show, and maybe just ignore the hecklers."

Trixie began to nod. "Yes, Trixie sees what you're saying! She needs a fresh start, a comeback tour!"

"That's the ticket, and as a token of my belief in you, the drinks are on me!" I saw a rickety old cart out back when I took out the trash. If that's what she's living in, she needs all the help she can get. Plus she'd only had four shots. Or was it five?

"Trixie thanks you for showing such kindness. I'm going to come back here, and show those hecklers what's what!"

I smiled. "That's the spirit!"

"Yeah, and Trixie knows exactly how she will get her glorious revenge on Twilight Sparkle and her band of rude friends!"

"... Hang on, who?"

"And, I'll search out the Alicorn Amulet! Then, I'll come back and show the world that the Great and Powerful Trixie is still just that and so much more!"

"...Did you say Twilight Sparkle was the—"

"Enough alcohol, dear friend! Trixie must enact her plan at once!"

Before I could say another word, her cape and wizardy hat were on her back, and out the door.

This was but one of many times my good intentions came back to bite me in the ass. Or should I say, enslave the town.

Oh well, ya win some, ya lose some.

Author's Note:

Sorry this one is so short, but Trixie's been done in one shots so much, I felt like I was just retreading old ground. I just tried to keep it short and interesting.

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