A man with only enough memory to recognize his new body is not his own is thrust into a new world with more power than he ever believes he wanted. He will need to get use to his new body, new customs, and new abilities as Fecto Elfilis.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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11446886
Sacrilegiously
uh-oh
Chrysalis is gonna break free again, and Morpho Knight's gonna show up and kill her
or, her breaking free again will release Discord, and Morpho Knight's gonna axe Chrysalis, and Discord's gonna do... something
Liked the rhyme at the end my dude! Very good scheme you had going. Other than that, still an excellent chapter. Glad you're here with us!
Thanks for chapter!
Have a good day!
11447119
Once again show how useless Equestria's royal guards are. It is a miracle that they have not been invaded for so long.
Did you play Deltarune? Because that's from Spamton of chapter 2 for the game.
11447378
I haven't, but some family has and have told me about him. I wasn't thinking about Spamton when I wrote that but that doesn't mean he didn't influence it.
11447385
Just wanted to know that's all.
Could be worse Chrysalis. at least your not a cogent mass of frozen infinite negatively cold plasma.![:unsuresweetie:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/unsuresweetie.png)
Ok, at risk of sounding like the bad guy here, because I know somepony will probably decide to stick a tree where the sun don't shine because I touched on the subject, what was with that part of Viynl saying she would have a foal? I'm a tad confused how to interpret the statement she made do to how it is written. Is magic in this story now being treated as an all purpose omnipotent force that can bend reality with a middle finger or is Viynl talking about getting a stud or opting for adoption? Because I find that part of Viynl's statement may be about turning herself into a stallion while the other implies just raising a foal from adoption or studding.
I understand that changelings can change their appearance as well as take on the physical abilities of what they turn into, but full on biological gender manipulation as to what I believe is being implied feels off with how the story has been written so far. Even in continuity it was stated by Twilight, Ms. Booksmart herself, that spells like changing a mare into a stallion can't be done. So it seems like it would make more sense that Viynl was talking about adoption or a stud option since she didn't specifically say turning herself into a stallion.
Could I get some clarity on this, it's driving the literary and story loving aspects of myself bonkers trying to make heads or tails of it do to how it affects the world building of the story. Put shortly, my inner Twilight wants answers.
11447538
If I made the statement that gender change can't happen in my own story I would appreciate it if you could point me out to where so I can fix my mistake somewhere, either by changing that Statement or editing Vinyls rant. If it was stated in Canon, I'm not going to let something like that bother me too much, else I would never get anywhere. As for how she plans on having kids in her misguided goal to spite her own mother, the idea was supposed to be that she was going to transform Octavia into a stallion (temporarily, but I haven't gotten to that part yet so shhhh) and get pregnant that way, after figuring out how to reverse what her mom did to her (also not quite there yet so shhhhh). Thanks for leaving a comment on what bothers you though. For all the comments I get that say 'good story, keep it up' I'm always waiting for someone to finally point out a mistake I may have made so I can improve.
11447553
![:applejackunsure:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applejackunsure.png)
Other than how ponies acted in the chapter "Settling down. Mostly." about sex amongst other species, which gives off the feeling they'd react negatively to gender swapping, I don't recall anything stated specifically, but I can reread since the story is fun.
But everything I remember up til now read like a set standard FIM universe with additional logic & world elements thrown in to cause laughter, drama, or excitement for the readers and to explain things with some new characters to make it unique, such as Chrysalis having a mom & sister or having runaway changelings making careers as sex workers to feed themselves.
So after thinking it over, as the story never stated it or anything about gender swapping there was nothing pre-established that prevented Viynl's declaration from coming out of left field to blindside a reader with confusion. I certainly felt that way as I tried making sense of the context of her words. Thank you for responding with clarification on that and for being open to my comment.
As you have said you are open to input, if it had been brought up in conversation in the story before Viynl said something then I can see it being more natural to the story telling. A possible scenario being Viynl crashing at Ellfis & Carina's place after Octavia asked Viynl to leave the house which would lead to Viynl explaining with a flashback as to what happened including her train of thought & spitefulness towards her mothers actions. I honestly can see Octavia finding it offensive to be asked to change herself so dramatically, who she has worked hard to become as an orchestra musician isn't an easy achievement from my experience & understanding, and produce a child fuelled not truly by love but rather spite. As you said, it was a misguided rant on Viynl's part as such actions would make her like her mother & in some ways even worse. And the spell Viynl wants to use comes off sounding like it is able to be learned like riding a bike causes the story to hiccup in the story telling so far. 🤔
I loathe the use of this term, but I believe with what I've written that you may be unintentionally "jumping the shark" with this new direction you are taking the story with this chapter as is.
why does the butterfly poem/warning sounds like the real kerby is coming soonas well along with wispy woods?
11448023
One problem with my writing is that the chapters are so short. I either have to split up between established characters the little space I have, or I have to suspend a character for a a number of chapters. So yeah, the story definitely took a turn and jumped the shark and etc. But it's really meant to be more of a set up chapter. The Gala is the next big thing (spoilers), and stuff like Morpho and Vinyls arc are going to be resolved separately from it. I just wanted to introduce them before the gala becuase I wanted to try to avoid the "problem of the week" style of storytelling, where one characters problem or growth is separated rather artificially from every others. The sudden direction problem is probably exasperated by the fact that, until I post the next chapter, this is the just the end of the story. So hopefully, by the time I put out more of this train crash, this chapter will fit in better among all of the others. And if it doesn't, then let me know. I'll see if I can't make it read any better. I read through the whole story today just trying to find any blatant continuity errors and such, and I really do like to hear criticism. Just, you know, don't say "Story sucks" because then I'll get defensive and it won't matter what you say after that
11448136
But in all seriousness, if I dislike a story then I simply cease reading it or drop the series it is a part of. I'm an omnivoricious book dragon when it comes reading interesting stories and I don't eat the full meal if it turns sour to my tastes. Best to learn & move on when need be. Ya'know? Always more stories out there. ![:moustache:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/moustache.png)
![:trollestia:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/trollestia.png)
Ok, that's fair. 👍
And truthfully, you have no worries of me saying "this sucks" when I'm making comments or inquiries about a story. I'd have taken a job in the education system if I enjoyed hearing that phrase. lol
Best to you & I hope you enjoy your writing. And take a break if ya need to. No point in working your pencil to a nub. We don't need a repeat of Twilight’s "Lesson Zero", ok?
Damn that is terrifying
Well that ending is scary.
11594922
This is giving me flashbacks of Vortigern from FGO Fairy Avalon...