Rainbow Dash is Best Pony

by Tirimsil

Ch. 2 :: In Which Rainbow Dash Is Very Loyal All Things Considered

Having secured l'banans, slightly sore from her not-quite-perfect catching of Scootathief, and mercifully un-sat-on-by-Pinkie, Rainbow Dash returned to circling the skies of Ponyville. Eagle-eyeing, she called it.

What the heck, she frowned, watching Rarity stumble through the plaza with a giant purple fuzzball for a head. She could totally fix her mane at any moment. Dumb Rarity, always hamming it up. She snorted as Fluttershy dove to grab her and stop her from tumbling into the river.

Ever since she'd moved here, Rainbow Dash had been in the habit of quickly making laps around the village, taking in as much detail as she could as quickly as possible. As a filly, that had been a completely lousy amount of detail; she even missed a fire once, one that eventually ate up the entire northeast district. Fortunately, that wasn't at all her fault and no one was hurt, and as an adult she couldn't miss a bunny's nose twitching. In fact, she had counted five twitchy bunnies.

Passing close to the farm, she heard distant chatter and slowed down - the wind rushing past her was drowning it out. Her ears perked, she dropped down to the front gate. Ew, she wrinkled her nose, They haven't washed this thing in a while. Indeed, the bleached wood was stained with moss.

She always got a slight sense of danger when she approached Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack, of course, had consistently told her that was because of the "ancient Apple spirits". Supposedly, everyone got that feeling when they drew near, except members of the family and "total idjits". Rainbow Dash, at first relieved to be cleared of total idjit status, had become gradually more terrified as Applejack's revelations gradually convinced her that the farm knew she preferred oranges and was considering smiting her each time she showed up.

But another sense of danger won out over her superstitions - someone sounded angry. Someone familiar, with cute freckles. She slowly fluttered closer, through the gate.

When she came to the main house, she began to understand Applejack's voice. "By Celestia's fine divine patoot, Big Macintosh, I know we need ta git this done lickety-split, what I'm sayin' is it can't be done with just two ponies, and Apple Bloom ain't big 'nough ta help!"

Dash peeked around the corner. "... Then how're we gonna do it?" Macintosh asked simply, leaning back from his sister's nose bridge against his.

Rainbow Dash frowned. Loons, why's Applejack gotta have such a great butt. Rainbow Dash was a bit of a jealous sort.

Applejack pulled away and stamped at the earth. "Boy howdy I don't know, but if we don't figure it out five minutes ago, we're catchin' Ol' Whisper, I'm sure of it."

Macintosh trembled. "Eeeee... really?"

"Yes, really!" Applejack yelled. "How long you think Granny can hol' it in?! What's an Apple family ta do without an outhouse?! Go in th' bushes?! We'll be goin' in a bag by th' time she's done whiskin'!"

"Hey." Rainbow Dash waved, leaning against the back side of the house with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. Never mind, she thought to herself. Applejack's butt isn't so appealing anymore.

"Yaaah!" Applejack and Macintosh yelped, rearing back with pale faces. "... H-how long you been listenin'," Applejack stammered, her face quickly turning back red.

"You need a third to help you build a poopin' place," Dash shrugged. "I was just swingin' by, I mean, if you need me."

Applejack and Macintosh exchanged an uncomfortable look. "Alright, yer hired," Applejack announced. "Jes' need you 'n' Macintosh ta hol' some planks together while I hammer 'em. Should be easy fer Ponyville's favorite star, yeah?"

Dash snorted. "The hard part'll be not falling asleep." She waved a wing.

---

"EEYAAAAIIIGGGGH..!" Rainbow Dash squealed for the how-manyth time and jumped away in so much pain her wings weren't working. She tumbled to the ground and put her hoof in her mouth, tucking her legs in and rocking in agony.

"Fallin' asleep, huh," Applejack sighed, leaning on the hammer that hated Rainbow Dash's hooves so much, tugging her hat uncomfortably. "Shoot, I'm awful sorry, sugarcube," she apologized, then turned her head to her brother. "See, Macintosh? This's why Apple Bloom couldn't be helpin'... Either I'd take 'er hoof off, or she'd take ours off."

"Eeee-o' course," Macintosh concurred, looking with soft, concerned eyes at Rainbow Dash.

"You... did that last one... on purpose..." Dash accused across the rare instances between aches of pain that her brain was working.

"Beg yer pardon?!" Applejack protested. She leaned back, looking hurt.

"You asked... if I ever had... a hertz donut..."

"I was just jokin' all sardonic-like..!" Applejack insisted, scratching at her neck. "Otherwise, I woulda said 'hurts, don't it?' after I hit ya!"

"... that's a good point..." Dash admitted, kissing her own hoof. "Let, let me do the hammering in a minute."

Applejack pressed her mouth tight and thought it over. "Fair's fair, I reckon," she said. "But I'm warnin' ya, don't hit Mac's hoof. I been real lucky that I'm only catchin' you 'n' not him."

Macintosh scowled and shuffled uncomfortably. "Eeeeyup..."

"Tell ya what, I'll hold where ya gotta hammer..." Applejack offered.

"Ha!" Dash shook out her sore hoof and picked up the hammer with the other. "Prepare to poop!"

---

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes. Her head was pounding and she felt very heavy. She was covered in something soft and fabric-y. "Uuuh," she mumbled. "Whehhh..?"

She couldn't quite turn her neck. All she could do was count the tiles on the pristine white ceiling. Well, most of them, she couldn't see the corners. Some of them have smiling Applejacks painted on, she thought. Heh heh heh... Wow, they move and everything...

Someone must have heard her laughing to herself. "Oh, are you awake? Don't try to get up, dear," that someone called, and Nurse Redheart was examining her eyes. Aw shoot, not this again. She heard shuffling hooves next to her bed, but couldn't turn her head to see who it was. She hoped not too many of her friends were there watching her be lame.

Hopefully she wouldn't be literally lame this time. Like, lame in a leg. She fought down the panic that she might lose her wings one of these days. She got that every time, wings were still there.

"Dih I try-a do a sree-hann rayboo agehh," she slurred. She certainly felt like she tried to do, and get out of, a drop-down rainboom from three hands above the ground. These were definitely "was in the air and then suddenly not" pains. She really wanted to know how she'd put herself in the hospital this time, and the goof juice wasn't helping her get that information.

"I'm not sure what happened, dear," the nurse said, as though she'd spoken completely clearly. "Applejack says there was an accident."

"Um," she heard Applejack mumble. She sounded very sheepish.

Oh, right. She swung the hammer at the nail, somebody went "EEEEEEYOWCH" in a rapidly falling volume, she saw all the tops of the trees all over Sweet Apple Acres, and that's all she remembered.

"Biggy Maggitaw..?" Rainbow Dash tried.

"N-no, sugarcube," Applejack corrected her. She sniffed. "If it were him ya'd probably be dead."

"Mmm," Rainbow Dash murmured. She'd crashed into Big Macintosh once, mistakenly thinking he would be as soft as Pinkie Pie. She would have been wiser to crash into a tree. He dragged a house across town once. One kick would probably knock down City Hall.

The nurse gave a small gasp of disapproval. "Applejack," she gently scolded, "Did you kick Rainbow Dash across town?"

She could practically hear Applejack wilt, even if she couldn't see her. "... I-I-I didn't mean ta..." she meeped.

"Is okee," Rainbow Dash assured her, knowing she must be racked with guilt. She managed to slowly turn her head left to give a dopey smile. "Y'gaw daaa reef eggs."

"What?" they both asked at once.

"Reeee... ffuuhh... lllllleeeegggs..."

"Reflex," Applejack swallowed. "When Apples git startled, we kick... Th' girls all know that. I try ta stay away from anythin' or anyone fragile. Just, um, Rainbow Dash was helpin' us put some woodwork together, so's we were standin' purdy close, 'n' she got muh hoof with th' hammer."

"Yu waand meh," Rainbow Dash defended her.

"Ah," the nurse nodded. "That's right, you've been very careful ever since what happened with Rarity."

Applejack shrunk. "Y-yep. Big Macintosh can take a kick from me 'n' give me a warnin' scowl. Ain't many ponies can just shrug it off like that."

"Twi's bru-uh," Rainbow Dash added. "Puhrincezzezz."

"W-well sure, them too," Applejack grimaced, then her face fell again. "But you can't. I-I'm so sorry, sugarcube."

"I fergih vuu."

"Did you finish the project?" the nurse asked, checking Dash's vitals and adjusting her medications.

"Thanks ta Dash's help, we managed, but..."

"But what?"

"Well," Applejack shuffled her hooves, "Granny don't take kindly to hurtin' guests..." she turned her head.

"Do you need me to look at your backside?" the nurse continued candidly.

"Nope," Applejack said in a louder voice, scowling. "Ab. So. Lutely. Fine."

"I know your grandmother cracks a mean whisk," the nurse insisted.

"Shuddup."

"Okay..!" Redheart finally backed off.

"Eeeeeee-yowch!!" they heard Macintosh call from another room, sobbing.

"Heh heh heh," Rainbow Dash laughed with a big dopey grin, "Hiz buh hurts."