Rush, a normal Pegasus living a normal life with some not so normal friends. A clumsy but friendly gray and blonde Pegasus with a soft spot for Muffins, and a mysterious brown stallion who's older than he looks. With his new found friends Rush sets out on an adventure around the hottest and most exotic locations in Equestria, and gets into a fair bit of trouble along the way...
Additional Tags: [Bucktoberfest Contest]
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Review time!
1) You seem to have a decent OC so far, and I liked your intros for Derpy and the Doctor. Granted, I'm almost entirely unfamiliar with Dr. Who and the pony equivalent, so maybe someone who knows about either or both can give you better feedback about that.
2) I thought you crammed a few too many references into the bit with the Doctor. They're fun in small amounts, but annoying past a certain point.
3) The dream scene didn't quite work for me. Since I hadn't made a connection with the character yet, it didn't come off as very suspenseful. Perhaps taking a little more time to build the character during the dream will help.
4) You use Rush's name way too often during the first part. You even used it twice in once sentence: "Rush also picked up a lot of static for having such a long mane for a young stallion, but Rush didn't care." And six consecutive paragraphs start with the name. Use descriptors, like "red-maned pony" or "dark grey" pegasus, or even just the pronouns "he" and "him" to avoid the repetition.
5) Having Derpy launch with perfect precision contradicted the clumsiness you established for her. I'm not really sure what that's supposed to mean, anyway.
I think that's it for now. Hope it helps!
Dear Author,
Things this fic has going for it:
-Since the (I'm assuming your) OC is grey, I can't exactly fit this in with the Black and Red OC stereotype. But it's close.
-Name is Rush. I expect to see some references to this:
3.bp.blogspot.com/_u7LnAXyVfww/TD-Aq8Aac0I/AAAAAAAAAS0/k_hfJcaL6yo/s1600/rush.jpg
-Grammar, spelling, punctuation... No mistakes really popped out at me. Might be a few, but I must've missed them. A few missed commas here and there, but nothing too big.
Things this fic has going against it:
-I'm assuming this isn't a fic about the adventures of Geddy Lee, Neil Peart, and Alex Lifeson.
-
The main thing most people hate about OCs is that the author will usually try to make them stand out, more often than not in a way that makes the character seem "Mary Sue". Other than his appearance, he doesn't seem to be a Gary Stu so far. Try to keep it that way.
-One last problem: it's bland. This fic leaves a taste in my mouth not too different from swallowing 2 or 3 aspirin. Use some more descriptive verbs and adjectives and put a bit more work into personifying the characters.
Well, there you go. Hope my advice helps you and your fic. Hopefully you can save it from joining the ranks of the eternally damned fics.
Love,
Stark.
1222637
Damnit, you beat me.
1222656 Well, you caught things I didn't, so it all works out in the end.
Well thanks for your answers, I'm not at all surprised that it needs more work, its really the first story/fic of any sorts that I've actually finished. The fac that some people took some itme to read to critique my work is amazing to me.
I was a little rushed (heh) in getting this one out due to my friends pressuring me, but I'll have some more time with my subsequent chapters, and all your recommendations will be taken into account. 
There will be no Rush references, that is something I avoided because I knew some people might comment about it. Rush was chosen by my friend due to its similarity to my real name (Ross). I appreciate some good constructive criticism, so I'm satisfied with what I've done.