• Member Since 16th Jan, 2021
  • offline last seen Sunday


Comments ( 4 )

I haven't read the story yet, but I commend you for doing the actual effort of doing your own art cover (As much as I'd love to, I can't even draw a stickman properly).

I recognized almost every character in there (except the little one with Twilight, and the one below the 'N'). This is a huge ordeal. I really hope one day you finish this story, otherwise, it will be a forgotten 'uncomplete stoy' (and we have PLENTY of those, trust me.)

I can give you a little advice: Keep a notepad with you at all times. You never know when you're going to get an inspiration for your story. I wish you the best of luck, and like I said before, I really hope you finish this story. (Of course, it's important to take your time too, and not rush things.)

Thank U so much. I’ll do my best to complete it. Also, the little one is Tina, she’s an OC, and the one below the N is supposed to be Tails flying in the Tornado.

Hi there! Congrats on publishing your first story.
Seems like a very ambitious premise for a new writer. My advice to you would be to just have fun writing the story and exploring how your characters interact. Practice setting scenes and describing things in ways that flow for the reader. Also, make sure the tenses you use are consistent.

For example, in your intro I labeled the tenses if the words you used as past or present:

Rain is falling down hard, thunder can be heard roaring for miles, and an occasional lightning bolt would hit the ground. It was a dark & cold night in the forest. However, a person in a black cloak seems to be walking through the forest while an umbrella was levitating above them, as well as a mysterious blue light that’s following them.

As you can see it's kind of a mess, with multiple different tenses bring used in even a single sentence. An entire paragraph should typically only be written in one tense, according to the reference point of the event being described.

Also, it is very unusual to write something in present tense, like "Something is this. She is that." Pretty much all stories are written in the past-tense, outside of some special scene where the change to an unusual tense is used to achieve a particular emotional effect.

My advice to a you would be stick to a more traditional tone that will be easier for you to write in. No need to get inventive before you really have the basics of writing down.

Also, It is VERY important to practice writing dialogue. Both in terms of the actual words spoken by the characters, as well as how you structure those words into a paragraph.
Also, Include details and descriptions along with the dialogue itself to help bring your readers into the scene. You don't need to include "he said, she said" if the rest of the paragraph indicates to the reader who is speaking. The descriptive text around your dialogue is also used to establish the personality and attitudes of your characters.
For example, instead of:

She looks around and see’s an unlit torch and says, “Tina.”

Tina then replies, “Yes, Azriel?”

Azriel then says, “Can you quickly look around and light up any torches that you can find in this place?”

“Sure thing,” says Tina

You might write:

A glance at the wall revealed an unlit torch sitting in a rusted sconce.

"Hey Tina"

The pixie dropped the uniquely boring pebble she'd been inspecting and drifted over to Azrael's shoulder.

"Yes Azrael?"

“Can you quickly look around and light up any torches that you can find in this place?”

Tina's eyes darted around the cavernous space, before snapping a hand to her forhead in a cheeky salute.

"Sure thing" she said, zipping off into the darkness with a grin.

Remember, yor readers can only see what you show them. They can only hear what you tell them to hear. You have to build a world that doesn't just describe the key things, but creates a detailed scene that they can build like a movie in their minds.

Keep practicing. READ BOOKS. Good books.

One series that was very helpful to me as a young writer were the 'Discworld' books by Terry Pratchett. They have interestingly structured dialogue and visual scenes that are often hilariously described in very inventive prose. They may help you with fitting dialogue into your world building as I mentioned above.

Definitely do not worry at all about "finishing" this story. You should view it as a vehicle for your personal growth and development, rather than something that you have a duty to write. Feel free to change characters, rewrite things, abandon story arcs, write yourself into a corner, tear it all down, and try again. What's important isn't really the story that you write here, but that you have fun and keep at it. Whatever you do, don't take it too seriously and don't get discouraged.

Best of luck!

Thanks for the advice. I’ll keep that in mind

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