“YOU DID WHAT!?”
Twilight was practically foaming at the mouth as she listened to the recent escapades of her test subject. She had been released from medical care after having the symptoms she had been displaying identified as a reaction to Poison Joke. Apparently, it was a fairly common plant on the outskirts of the Everfree Forest and had a tendency to release spores on contact that were known to cause minor to moderately severe transformations akin to the results of a practical joke.
Since the effect was transfigurative and the spores in the infected individual’s system become inactive after the reaction takes place until the antidote that causes the spores to release a sort of antitoxin to reverse the transformation, Anon’s magic nullifying properties were of no use. Twilight had noted that it was good to know that he was only immune to actively occurring magical phenomena, and not able to reverse the effects of events simply caused by magic at some point.
And of course, as soon as she got out of there, she had found her way to the room he had been assigned and questioned him about how his chat with the princesses had gone. The answer he gave, by her reaction, was less than ideal.
“I told them I did not view monarchy or er...diarchy as a legitimate form of government. What about it?” He said with a small sigh as he waved a hand at her to try to signal her to cool down. They were sitting in chairs on opposite sides of a long table, which had been provided to facilitate face-to-face conversations of this sort comfortably.
“Anon, they are the absolute rulers of the entire country, they could have had you sent to the dungeons, or banished!” She said, clearly on the edge of an anxiety attack. He honestly looked like he felt pretty bad about it.
“Look, Twilight...if it makes you feel any better, I promised not to do it again in public, and the Princesses and I seem to have come to an...understanding that my values are quite literally foreign to them.” He said as he placed his hands in front of himself, clasped together atop the table. “I was fortunate that the Princesses did, in fact, restrain themselves when I made those comments. If I had to make a guess as to why it was because I am your guest, and I was, and to some extent still am, an unknown entity with anomalous abilities that pose an indeterminate level of threat to my immediate surroundings and they presumably did not wish to take the chance of harming me in a way that might cause harm to themselves or others.” A good thing too considering what had happened. From what he had heard after his dinner on the way up to his room, the news about what had happened with the sun was already all over the gossip rags that afternoon. Fuck, the ragspinners work fast in ponyland.
He continued to speak. “And of course, there is the obvious reason that responding to what I was saying with physical force would have, of course, proved me right to some extent. By using diplomacy rather than force to get me to stop denouncing them in public, they were able to make a small but notable assertion about their capabilities as a ruler without having to stoop to my level.” aside from the part where they had stooped to his level, but he had at least been decent enough to simply politely omit the part of the story where her esteemed and cherished mentor had rattled him around like a fresh pack of cigarettes and then almost fucking died. Though if she did not know about the latter part already, she certainly would sooner than later at the rate the papers were going.
“Alright yes, I suppose that does make...some amount of sense…” she said, rubbing her face with her hooves “but was any of that really necessary? You had me worried about you there for a minute, Anon…” She said as she glared at him with just the cutest little purple pony pout.
He caved and shook his head, how is a guy going to just up and stonewall a face like that? “Alright. I’ll tone it down a bit for your sake. I don’t want to cause you any trouble. It wouldn’t be right in my view anyway, you’re basically the only pony who has been decent to me aside from Zecora, who gets it worse than I did when I showed up, and Applejacks little sister who isn’t old enough to be indoctrinated into ‘knowing better’ yet. So I guess Uh...thank’s for being the most tolerable pony?” He thought about it and shook his head “Sorry no, that isn’t a good way to put it.”
Twilight smiled and chuckled softly “I think what you are trying to say is ‘Thank you for being a friend?’”
“Traveled down the road and back agaiiiin~” Anon snapped back melodically before he could stop himself much to the confusion of the unicorn mare as he giggled at himself “Sorry, just a reference to something where I’m from, sort of slipped out. But yes, I supposed that is what I am getting at. I know I may come off as abrasive…”
She simply raised an eyebrow at him.
“Okay, extremely abrasive, and maybe confrontational. But That is just sort of how I am. I am just really skeptical of things in general. It’s just sort of the way I am, I question things, and if I don’t like the answers I just sort of say so. You were uh...right earlier by the way. This sort of behavior doesn’t net me a lot of friends.” he continued more sheepishly. “And I suppose what I am getting at is uh, thank you for being in my corner even though I am not a very nice guy. I appreciate you giving me the benefit of the doubt, and I’ll try not to make it so that your trust was misplaced.”
She looked away, rolling her eyes slightly before looking back at him giving him a warm, gentle smile. “Anon, I appreciate that you are willing to confide in me like that. I can tell that it’s not an easy thing for you. I don’t think you are a bad pony or a, er...bad person…? No, that doesn’t sound right. I don’t think you are a bad pony.” Ah well, baby steps. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, you aren’t exactly a paragon of the Harmonic Values, but well….I saw how you were with Applebloom, and you wouldn’t have stood up for Zecora either if you were a bad pony. I think you just have different priorities than most ponies do, and you express how you care a bit more er….roughly.”
Anon gives a slow nod as he fights the building urge to ruin this wholesome one with a lazy, half-assed reference to media no one in this godforsaken world will understand but him. His normal reaction to sincerity would typically be to deflect in some manner but well, he was feeling a bit vulnerable after the events of the last few days, and at any rate, Twilight obviously meant well. As he was now, he really didn’t have a lot of options in the way of people who were willing to put up with him, no use in alienating any of the three people or er...ponies, who could tolerate him. “Thanks, Twilight. So uh...when are you guys going to get to the poking and the prodding and whatnot? Last I checked you guys wanted to study me?”
She smirked and waved a hoof nonchalantly, shaking her head “Princess Celestia is having a team of specialists in a few fields assembled for me to head up, it will take a few days for the letters to go out and for them all to arrive. In the meantime, I feel like our time would be much better spent actually talking to one another so I can get a better idea of how you think and suss out any other cultural differences that might come up at an otherwise inopportune time.”
He titles his head slightly and placed his hand underneath his chin, propping it up with his elbow on the table. “So, you are just going to talk to me and take notes for a few days?”
“Oh no, not only that! I also have a few tests of my own I can run that arent as invasive about other things,” she said as she gestured to the saddlebag she had at the side of her chair, resting on the floor. ”I brought everything I would need to run an intelligence quotient test as well as a questionnaire for the Neigher-Brays personality matrix test. I was hoping that you could oblige me and then we could have a nice afternoon chatting over tea and snacks.”
“Well, since you put it that way, I guess that sounds like a pretty good time, yeah, let’s go for it. I’m down to be psychologically profiled,” he half-joked as the unicorn slid a few packets of paper over to him.
Over the course of a few hours, the two of them made small talk while Twilight ran him through an array of tests and asked him a series of questions. It all seemed like pretty standard stuff, nothing too personal. Nothing particularly all that interesting.
She spent another hour after this quietly mulling over the tests and comparing the results she had recorded to a couple of papers from her bag. After a while, her eyes widened slightly. “Ah yes, Personality type INTP. Not surprised. That’s a fairly rare one among ponies. More common to see it in other species. I’m ISTJ myself.” She said as she set the first paper down and kept looking at the second. “And according to these preliminary results your intelligence quotient is…oh...well alright then…” she said evenly as she put the papers away in her saddlebags again neatly, turning her attention back to him and coughing softly into one of her hooves.
Anon shrugged, not particularly bothered. “Well, now that that is out of the way, I think I actually have some questions for you again, if you don’t mind,” he said as he leaned forward a bit in his seat.
Twilight perked up slightly at this, one of her ears flicking above her head as she stared up at him with more intent focus than before. “Oh! Well, by all means, I will be happy to try to answer them for you. What’s on your mind?”
“Well, you were talking earlier about something called Harmonic Values. What are those, exactly? Is it some sort of code of conduct or set of moral guidelines?” He asked as he leaned back a bit again, settling into his chair to prepare to take in whatever answer twilight was about to give him.
“Why yes, as a matter of fact. The Harmonic Values, or as some call them, the Pillars of Harmony are the core values by which the bulk of ponies live their lives, as well as the foundation of the most powerful magical forces known to all of ponykind. There are five Primary Values: Loyalty, Honesty, Kindness, Generosity, and Laughter. And then there is Friendship, or Magic interchangeably, which represents understanding the importance of upholding all of the core values to the best of your ability. Whenever the Core Values are upheld, they create the conditions for Friendship to manifest, and Friendship in this context is Magic. The more in tune with Harmonic Values a pony is, the more any inherent magical ability they have will be amplified.”
He nods, and slowly scratches his chin as he listens. “I see, so, inversely, the more out of tune with these values any creature is, the weaker any inherent magical power they have is if I am understanding correctly?”
Her eyes light up a bit and she smiles wider up at him, nodding “Yes, that is an astute observation, anon. Very good. Ponies who hold darkness in their hearts, as a rule, are generally defeated by those who value harmony because no matter how powerful they are individually, their discordant nature weakens them, with some...notable exceptions. But generally, Harmonious ponies who work together strengthened by the magic of friendship are able to trump them far more often than not if they have the resolve to see it through.”
“I see. And does these er, harmonious forces have anything to do with the way ponies get cutie marks?” he asks as he leans in a bit more, resting his arms both on the table in front of him crossed now, tilting his head.
“The exact mechanism is not really understood, but it is generally accepted that Cutie Marks are a phenomenon that occurs as a result of the interaction of the primal forces connected to the Harmonic Values and Equine physiology. Zebras are also known to get cutie marks, according to academic papers, and Zecora does seem to have one. I am not sure about other species, there is not terribly much research on the subject outside of ponies.” She explains as clearly as she can, seeming pleased as the human across from her listened attentively.
“Alright, so would you then say, based on those two factors, that creatures which have a substantially higher average affiliation with the Harmonic Values, and therefore more connection to magic as a whole, are impacted by the apparently deterministic effects of those forces more readily or more intensely than creatures with less affiliation with them?” he proceeds to ask, leaning back a bit again, noticing he was starting to look like a bit of a goober with how close he had been leaning in from his increasing interest.
She seemed a bit confused for a moment, slowly nodding “I suppose that I would agree with that supposition, Anon. There is really not a lot of study on that sort of topic. It is generally considered to be a fairly...esoteric field of study by most scholars.” she said somewhat unsurely as one of her hooves slowly rubbed along the top of the table. Before speaking again. “Anon...if you are immune to magic, and friendship is magic, how do humans form relationships?”
He chuckled softly at this, shaking his head as if deeply amused by the question. “I mean, fair enough. Really, it is quite simple. Humans have always been fairly social creatures, from an evolutionary standpoint. It just isn’t the norm for a human to see another human right next to them suffering and not at least feel bad about it. Just because we may not have magic doesn’t mean we don’t have the ability to work together, care for each other, form deep bonds…” he trails off for a moment, running a hand through his hair before continuing.
“Honestly, across the board, humans tend to value the same things that you ponies do. Honesty breeds trust and trust is good. Laughter helps to ease one’s troubles for a while, Loyalty is an extremely valuable commodity if you can get it. I am sure most people would rather be able to operate under the assumption that the person to either side of them will be there when things get rough. And Kindness and Generosity are the backbones of voluntary cooperation between people. All of these things have inherent value to individuals who are on the giving and receiving end of them and are in my opinion, worth doing for their own sake by that metric.”
Her eyes widen slightly as she listens to him speak, nodding along slowly “That is actually a pretty nice sentiment, Anon. I was not expecting that from you if I am being honest.”
“Hey, just because I am skeptical of institutions and abstracts does not mean I cannot analyze them from a critical standpoint and decide for myself if they have any value and proceed to incorporate them into my worldview. The important thing is not taking the value of such things for granted, and always being critical of their flaws, understanding that they are simply part of a framework that allows individuals to come together meaningfully and achieve their goals and live satisfactorily, fulfilled lives.” He shrugged, standing up and stretching out a bit, pulling at his collar. The sweater was honestly a bit stuffy in the warmth of the castle in the midst of late spring to summer. He made a mental note to see about using some of his guinea pig money to get some more breezy outfits.
“Well then surely you can see how beneficial the benevolent rulership of Celestia and Luna is to Equestria right? They are incredibly ancient and wise and truly love Equestria and its people with all of their hearts. Why would you challenge them the way you did?” She said, looking a bit agitated, a bit sad as she said it.
“Of course I can!” he exclaimed, waving a hand at her the other now on his hip. “Those two act like Plato’s wet dream of what rulership should be. But you misunderstand. I was not lambasting them as rulers per se, I was simply questioning the legitimacy of their manner of rulership. I am sure they could easily win any election by a landslide. But the fact that the princesses and their citizens simply take their benevolent rulership, and by extent, the prosperity of their kingdom for granted is what bothers me.” he says, running his hands through his hair slowly and letting them fall back down to his sides.
“Perhaps it would be a largely symbolic affair if it was carried out, with a mostly certain outcome. Perhaps some of my personal biases come into play on the matter. In fact, I am almost sure that they do! Perhaps in a world where forces like the ones you have described are a factor, absolute rule by benevolent god-kings or er...god-princesses is a feasible or even desirable practice. But the fact remains that I am not from any such place, and it is their prerogative if they have the desire to do so, to convince me that their rulership is good and just.”
Twilight sees his mild agitation and gives a small, sympathetic smirk “well, I would say that by the fact that you are not currently a smoking crater or the newest resident of the Canterlot dungeons, the princesses agree with you about that. I’m glad that you can admit that you might be wrong though, Anon. not everypony can do that.”
“Hey, I never claimed to have all of the answers. Quite the opposite, really. All I have are questions. Lots and lots of questions…” he said, chuckling softly after as he sat back down, calming himself a bit. “So uh, do you have any board games or anything around here? We still have a bit until your team gets here, I would say. Do ponies have chess by any chance?”
Her smirk widened into a propr smile as she nodded quickly. ”I still have my old Unicorns Chess set in my old room. I can go get it and we can play a few games if you would like.”
Anon gave a small, slightly tired sign and nodded, giving her a grateful look “That sounds pretty nice as a matter of fact, thanks, Twilight.”
She got out of her seat and gave him a pleased, satisfied look as she trotted off towards the door “of course Anon, that’s what friends are for after all.” She said as she exited, the door closing behind her with a soft click to leave Anon alone with his thoughts for a few minutes.
A good thing, all others considered, he certainly had a few zingers to sort through after that conversation.
Huh, he learnt when to stop prodding Twilight and her existentialism, as entertaining as it might be.
I Like how he confirmed that the Harmonic Values essentially instill xenophobia into the ponies, without alarming Twilight of the meaning of her words.
Clever.
10690765
it read more like he fished for and got the context he needed to fit what She and several other take as normal facts of life and fit them into his world view
10690793
I would say both of these are possible and valid interpretations of his actions. Bit only time will tell ^^
great chapter
10690810
thanks! glad you enjoyed ^^
Twigs is going to have an epic game with lots of meaningful questions and dialogue.
I don't think anyone here could pass a pony version of an IQ test.
Living in the society, you need to learn when and how to make an objection. Blunt rejection could literally hurt you and those around you. I learned it the hard way.
10690843
ye it's almost as if he's a parallel of ancient philosophers who straight up got executed for their beliefs lol.
I was going to ask why anon no pet da pone or boop the snoot, but then I remembered he's quite unhealthy if not lethal at those ranges. That's oh so very sad
And no, being a philosopher doesn't exclude anyone from being compelled to pet da pone or boop the snoot
Board games would be interesting to play if players had to move away from the board between moves. At minimum I could see people getting impatient at a faster rate.
I just had this weird thought... does iron not exist naturally on Equus? Is the Everfree Forest the only place it can be found? And mostly in trace amounts... If so, I imagine that it would be because of something like a meteorite or something, which would have burnt up a little upon atmospheric entry... which got me thinking about the first thing humanity ever sent to space.
It was not a rocket. It was a manhole cover.
10690841
My guess, he beat her score and she's... mildly embarrassed about it.
10690898
I am thinking Unicorn Chess will be similar to Wizards Chess. That is to say, voice-activated lol.
10690901
They covered that earlier, in chapter 3 I believe, when they discussed why ponies were using Brass/Bronze, and not Iron or Steel.
Basically, extremely low amounts of iron, but there are places where there is a greater concentration, like in the Everfree. That and the whole deal with iron interfering with magic, even in extremely tiny amounts.
10690919
10690841
Who knows! the only ones who know are twilight and myself, and neither of us are talking quite yet >3
10690926
It's either the Chekhoviest IQ test ever, or an absolute red herring, and frankly, I'm okay with either outcome. This fic has been really, really entertaining so far. I await further installments with as much patience as I can muster.
10690923
Assuming the magic is based purely on sound waves that should be fine. If some investment of will is involved Anon will have likely have some problems.
10690934
the magic occurs in the board itself, which will presumably be placed far away enough from it to operate normally. ^^
10690930
Thanks! if you would like to read it as a new chapter is being made, or get updates on my planned story update schedule! I do actually offer both of those services through my discord to all members who wish to partake!
10690765
HOW?
Uh oh, better not let this get out, otherwise you'll have griffons and the like looking down upon ponies for having a set destiny.
10690967
The ponies would probably argue that it is a boon to have the actual forces of fate favor your species. Gott Mit Uns and all that good stuff lol.
So what about the others in Ponyville affected by the Poison Joke? Will Twilight tell them it's just a plant they're having a reaction to, or are they going to attack Zecora because they think she's still a witch?
THIS CHAPTER CAME OUT FOURTY FIVE MINUTES AGO HOW THE HELL ARE THIS MANY PEOPLE COMMENTING ALREADY?!?!?!?!?!
What a smart cookie way of describing the human syike
Anon's IQ level is now Schrödinger's cat.
10690995
I would assume that Twilight had the good sense to have a letter sent to Ponyville to inform them of what the issue was. Only time will tell if they made it in time to prevent a truly Epic Gamer Moment.
10690998
Because you are all apparently very interested in this fanfic and tbh it is super flattering ^^
10690947
I don't think it was a stretch, but Twilights line of
I think Orrm was maybe pointing out that Species in Equestria that do not have overt magic like ponies might be viewed like Anon here is.
Because Twilight made this observation herself, there are probably other Ponies who might believe this sentiment that if you do not have magic you do not have friendship.
Actually that makes Chrysalis and Tierek very good arguments for Twilight.
These two are known for Draining love and magic, and ridicule others for their views on friendships.
10691054
Eyyy homie out here thinking with portals, gold star.
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/341801688434475008/813299255648583680/6MFanMw.png
10691058
Yis
Humanity believes in the one thing our ancestors have proven to be the absolute truth scince we first used tools!
Biggest stick wins!
That's barbaric you can't jus-*sees anon pull out a big stick*...
Works every time
10691054
I was more referring to the fact that he managed to get her to admit that the Harmonic Forces encourage less affiliation with less magically-inclined species, hence, destiny-driven xenophobia.
My mother, my sister, and I were often up late at night (ranging from midnight to one o'clock in the morning) watching that show. We loved those sassy broads.
10691069
YESSSSSS
I would totally do that.
you peaked my interest with the premise but earned my respect with the Monty Python reenactment. No lie, I about died laughing last chapter
10691119
Always happy to get a new fan! Glad you liked it : 3
10691124
If I had to say right now, this one has definitely made the top two list of stories I read here.
seeing awesome stories like this one makes me not wanna be lazy and apathetic in writing my own story.
Hmm so is he considered ultra dumb or ultra smart by pony standards?
Oh the meeting with Discord is going to be a fun one
10690695
Well they don't have to resort to dungeon throwing, but there's no reason for them to just sit there and take it either. A simple "if you're just going to stand there and insult us, you can do so just fine outside" and have the guards escort him outside the palace. Even in our world if you were, say, invited into the oval office and started hurling insults at the President for no reason, you'd be tossed out of the white house rather quickly.
Anon is kind of abusing the generosity being sent his way anyway, so he could use a little refresher that courtesy is a two-way street.
10691068
Hmm, we know there are less-magical species living in harmony with ponies though. Donkeys and cows show no signs of being ostracized, especially in light of Ponyville going above and beyond to make sure Mathilda and Cranky's wedding went off without a hitch (even the entire Equestrian royalty showed up for the occasion).
(Hmm, this is... interesting. So far, Anon mostly seems interested in understanding the social and cultural fabric of Equestria, and both educating and being educated on it. Works for me so far... ... ... I had the most random idea of Anon actually starting a revolutionary movement and it made me laugh more than it should have though.
'Ahem' In any case, I am quite curious as to what his score was... was it really smart, or really stupid? Twilight was embarrassed to reveal it for some reason. Also, it will be interesting to see how Anon gets his iron, when literally nothing that ponies eat contain it, and seemingly not even the multitude of animals around, contain it either... he'll have to find some kind of way to stave off that iron deficiency.)
10691054
that explains neighsay
Hm this is shaping up better.
Sus
I can’t be the only one cringing that twilight pulled out some faux-scientific stuff like the IQ and personality tests.
10693677
in total fairness, our understanding of iq tests as not entirely scientific is fairly recent in the grand scheme of thing. I don't think ponies have a lot of use for psychologists generally so of course, the study of the mind is lagging behind a bit.
Will the guillotine subject ever make a reappearance?
I'd like to see the princesses reactions.