I'm really hoping there's some sort of explanation as to Ms. Harshwhinny's appearance of going along with Zephyr's toxic co-dependency scheme somewhere in this chapter. I'm not a psychiatrist, in fact, I'd probably need enough work to send a shrink's kid through college, but given her seeming expertise on the subject, I'm still really baffled about that last chapter ending. But let's see how you fare...
"Alright Cream Heart," the nurse instructed.
Comma after alright.
ovipositor... er, their egg-laying dick, would create a secretion. It's like a combination of Novocaine and a muscle relaxer. It would make a mare's cervix numb and pliable, so that it could penetrate and lay eggs inside their uterus."
"Well that's... horrible." Cream said.
Yes, that does sound fucking horrible. And I'm wondering how in the hell they didn't achieve world domination in canon with the ability to do all of that. Ewwwwwww!
"And happily a thing of the past, under King Thorax's rule,"
You're putting me in quite a bind here. On the one hand, egg-laying rapists. On the other hand, Canadian leftist-nationalists. I can't decide which is more nauseating. I think I'll just puke once over both shoulders and call it a day.
Nurse Redheart nodded. Aloe lowered Cream in the harness while Lotus helped to line up the dildo under her pussy. A little lower and it started to slide in. Her legs straddled the padding of the large half-cylinder. Once she was lowered far enough that the dildo was completely inside her, she grunted as it pressed uncomfortably against her cervix, while the bungee cords still held most of her weight. The two inches of the base were still outside her.
Nurse Redheart supervised as Lotus operated the inducer. She turned on the first pump which sent a slow stream of secretion up through the dildo, coating the outside of her cervix. Cream felt her cervix tingling at first, but then it slowly went numb as the fast-acting analgesic turned her discomfort into a dull pressure. The muscle relaxer needed a bit more time to work after being absorbed.
The dildo kept a slow drip of the secretion pumping into her as Lotus turned on the padded base. It was one big vibrator. It worked to distract the foaling mare with vibrating pleasure, but it also massaged in the muscle relaxer. And lastly, it made the dildo operate functionally like a spongy jackhammer, beating relentlessly against the entrance to her womb while gravity continued to pull her down onto it harder.
Inside her uterus, Button Mash had somehow gotten himself inverted. His cheek was pressed against the base of her womb, and he was getting shaken quite a bit by the vibrator just a couple inches from his face on the other side. As the muscle relaxer started to take effect, Cream Heart's cervix began to yield, stretching slightly. Button's cheek started to tingle and go numb as the secretion spurted through the tiny opening.
Cream's entire body was vibrating as more of her weight was poised on the tip of the dildo. She winced and tried to shift one of her legs. The slight flex of her pelvic muscle caused her cervix to stretch. Everypony gasped as Cream Heart dropped suddenly the last two inches onto the base of the inducer.
"Woah!" Cream gasped, hilting onto the apparatus, feeling the base vibrating hard directly against her clit. Her weight shifted to her butt sitting on the comfortably padded base and her shins reached the floor on either side.
"We're in," Aloe said. Lotus turned off the secretion drip and the vibration. Then she turned on the second pump.
I can hear the voice of the LockpickingLawyer in my head saying "one more time just to make sure it was not a fluke".
Lotus moved the inducer out from under Cream and in its place she put a soft mesh net. "Alright Cream Heart, you can start pushing as soon as you're ready," she said.
Two missing commas: one after place and one after alright.
Button squirmed from side to side, trying to free his hooves to get them up over his head. Or rather, under his head as he was still upside down inside her. She pushed again and the pressure all around him made him immobilized for a moment. When the contraction passed, he worked his hooves through her cervix and pried it open a bit more. He brought his legs into a crouch... above him against the top of her womb.
Questionable use of ellipses. I'd think an em dash (—) would be more appropriate here to speed your way through this explanation. No real reason to slow this exposition down.
On the next squeeze he pushed back against her, extending his legs, trying to push his head through her cervix.
Comma after squeeze.
"Welcome back to the world little guy," Redheart said.
Comma after world.
"Shh, shh," Cream heart cooed.
Capitalize Heart.
Button found any objections he might have had evaporating as he suckled his mother's precious milk from her engorged teats. It was very pleasurable to the mother, nature's primal way of rewarding her for caring for her offspring.
I wonder how good it must feel for the bats though? Did you know baby bats have inverted teeth to maximize their grip as they soar through the air attached to Mom? Ouch! Fortunately, Mom feels almost nothing down there.
"Well, I've been through this twice before..." Velvet said. She stretched her neck from one side and then the other. "Alright, saddle me up."
I was my Mom's third. She can confirm that by that point, it's pretty much a picnic.
He whole body looked tense.
Typo.
"YOU try to relax!" Velvet growled through the vibration. "Have you ever tried to relax!? It's a paradox!"
Velvet's right. Aloe may as well have told her to think of anything except a pink elephant.
"OkaymMMFF!" Redhead placed her hoof on his forehead and pushed hard. Shining slid back into his mother's vagina, and halfway back into her womb.
Bruh.
Sunburst struggled to right himself, but he had no traction inside her slippery, wet womb. Everything squeezed around him and he started getting pushed out, legs-first.
This is going to suuuuuuuuuck! She's having a breech birth.
"Breach!" Redheart yelled. "Breach birth! Stop!"
I'm sorry, Shakes. I just googled it and the spelling is indeed "breech". I made the same mistake in my previous note before double-checking for safety's sake.
"Can't you pull him out?"
Sure, if you want a Darwin Award and a lot of uncomfortable questions from the goddamn police.
Redheart grabbed her breach-birth kit,
Breech.
"How did you not know you were backward?"
"Me!? How did you not know I was backwards!?" he asked.
Pick one: backward or backwards. Seems odd they'd pick opposites like that.
"And then there was two," Harshwhinny said. Posy looked behind her, but realized that she was referring to her and Zephyr.
Posy is so cute!
"Start pump one," Aloe said.
"No, don't start pump one!" Zephyr yelled.
The secretion started pumping from the dildo. Lotus switched on the vibration.
"Mom! Please! We don't have to do this!"
"It's going to be okay, Zephyr. You'll see."
Zephyr is so horrible. Ugh!
"If... you don't successfully foal, the contractions will stop and the relaxer will wear off," Redheart explained. "You cervix will close again in a few hours and your foal will still be safe inside you indefinitely."
The nurse is way too chill about this, in my opinion. Sorry, I gotta fault the story for this. This is the most naked example of co-dependence I have ever seen. If this was an AJ Aficionado or Firesight affair, they'd be magicking that guy out of there and he'd be looking at treatment for his sociopathic tendencies. And all of these people at this clinic would be going to jail for even creating a place like this.
Maybe I'm starting in on my rant a bit too soon because there's more chapter left but I do understand what you're doing. I see the method behind your madness. The whole purpose behind this place is for the mother and son to reestablish a connection they've lost and work their way through their problems but the BCC people are just tools for the plot at this point. They should be telling her, "don't worry, Mrs. Shy, we'll force him out of there if he won't go willingly." That they're even considering the idea of leaving him in there is enabling Zephyr's continued abuse of this poor mare.
Redheart presented Zephyr to Posy. Posy's cheeks were soaked with sweat and tears. Her eyes were bloodshot. She looked at the little bundle in her hooves and shook her head. "You really should have been a blowjob."
The fact this ended happily is nice but it doesn't detract from my earlier points. Man, what a downer. I hope the last chapter recovers some of the respect this fic lost from me. I just can't fathom the idea these professionals aren't more supportive of Posy here. They just left her out to dry. I'd hate to imagine the scenario where the little shit stain doesn't have a sudden bout of conscience in there.
I'm really hoping there's some sort of explanation as to Ms. Harshwhinny's appearance of going along with Zephyr's toxic co-dependency scheme somewhere in this chapter. I'm not a psychiatrist, in fact, I'd probably need enough work to send a shrink's kid through college, but given her seeming expertise on the subject, I'm still really baffled about that last chapter ending. But let's see how you fare...
Comma after alright.
Yes, that does sound fucking horrible. And I'm wondering how in the hell they didn't achieve world domination in canon with the ability to do all of that. Ewwwwwww!
You're putting me in quite a bind here. On the one hand, egg-laying rapists. On the other hand, Canadian leftist-nationalists. I can't decide which is more nauseating. I think I'll just puke once over both shoulders and call it a day.
I can hear the voice of the LockpickingLawyer in my head saying "one more time just to make sure it was not a fluke".
Two missing commas: one after place and one after alright.
Questionable use of ellipses. I'd think an em dash (—) would be more appropriate here to speed your way through this explanation. No real reason to slow this exposition down.
Comma after squeeze.
Comma after world.
Capitalize Heart.
I wonder how good it must feel for the bats though? Did you know baby bats have inverted teeth to maximize their grip as they soar through the air attached to Mom? Ouch! Fortunately, Mom feels almost nothing down there.
I was my Mom's third. She can confirm that by that point, it's pretty much a picnic.
Typo.
Velvet's right. Aloe may as well have told her to think of anything except a pink elephant.
Bruh.
This is going to suuuuuuuuuck! She's having a breech birth.
I'm sorry, Shakes. I just googled it and the spelling is indeed "breech". I made the same mistake in my previous note before double-checking for safety's sake.
Sure, if you want a Darwin Award and a lot of uncomfortable questions from the goddamn police.
Breech.
Pick one: backward or backwards. Seems odd they'd pick opposites like that.
Posy is so cute!
Zephyr is so horrible. Ugh!
The nurse is way too chill about this, in my opinion. Sorry, I gotta fault the story for this. This is the most naked example of co-dependence I have ever seen. If this was an AJ Aficionado or Firesight affair, they'd be magicking that guy out of there and he'd be looking at treatment for his sociopathic tendencies. And all of these people at this clinic would be going to jail for even creating a place like this.
Maybe I'm starting in on my rant a bit too soon because there's more chapter left but I do understand what you're doing. I see the method behind your madness. The whole purpose behind this place is for the mother and son to reestablish a connection they've lost and work their way through their problems but the BCC people are just tools for the plot at this point. They should be telling her, "don't worry, Mrs. Shy, we'll force him out of there if he won't go willingly." That they're even considering the idea of leaving him in there is enabling Zephyr's continued abuse of this poor mare.
The fact this ended happily is nice but it doesn't detract from my earlier points. Man, what a downer. I hope the last chapter recovers some of the respect this fic lost from me. I just can't fathom the idea these professionals aren't more supportive of Posy here. They just left her out to dry. I'd hate to imagine the scenario where the little shit stain doesn't have a sudden bout of conscience in there.