After a hearty breakfast there was more group therapy among the mothers while their sons had to listen without a voice.
Comma after breakfast.
"Now we know that colts have a deep seated infatuation with their mothers of varying degrees."
Add a hyphen to deep-seated.
"Oh don't worry. You will only grow to a certain size, and then once you are ready, you'll come out and be able to finish growing back to normal size out here."
Comma after 'oh'.
"But the other side to that coin is just as true," Harshwhinny continued. "Mothers also feel that same attraction to their colts. I think Ms. Flare has made that quite clear."
"And it's perfectly normal," Stellar Flare added.
There is nothing normal about you, Stella. You remind me of a cross between myself and the Roseluck I present in my writing.
"So I wanted to delve into your feelings for your son, and the degree of your own attraction to him."
"Oh, no. I must be the exception to the rule then, because it's pretty non-existent."
But it was the way he just expected that kind of a relationship with me. Without putting in any of the effort. That was always his biggest fault. Being lazy."
If only my middle brother has access to such wisdom back in the 90's. He was a true Oedipus. Mom admitted as much.
"I blame myself for coddling him. Always giving in and spoiling him. But when he tried to force himself on me, sexually..." she bristled. "I had been permissive long enough. I would not let myself be responsible for raising and enabling a rapist."
The tone just got a whole lot more serious. I can't argue with her logic though. This is a reason why any and all Zephyr stories/artwork goes straight into the trash. Fetish is fetish but I just can't get behind pushy, rapey, creepy guys like him. They give passive creepy guys like me a bad name.
"You tried to have sex with me without my consent Zephyr
Comma before Zephyr. The guy's a loser to be sure but he's a named character and is entitled his own comma.
Posy blushed and nodded. "Yes Zephyr. I would. But you have to earn it!"
And shave that shit off of your face! You forgot the Zephyr comma again, bro.
"Now Shining, you've had some time to hear from the others, as well as your own mother expressing her acceptance of her feelings earlier this morning.
Shining needs a comma bracket because the sentence scans without his name. Comma after 'Shining".
"... I... am willing to accept that it is a normal thing," Shining said. "And I'm glad that my mother has accepted it as well. But I'm still a grown stallion. I have a wife. I'm not some desperate involuntarily celibate colt that needs to entertain a sexual fixation with his mother."
There are incels in Equestria? Bro, you're tripping over mares everywhere you go. Totally just ask one and you're golden. What's the worst you're going to do, Merry May? If we could only be so lucky on Earth...
"... Cadie said that?"
"Mhmm. I dare say she even seemed a bit excited by the prospect."
Jesus, the plot is just bending around and enveloping these guys like the light surrounding a black hole. There is no way the mares are going to be allowed to be wrong for what they're doing! I'm not even saying it's contrived, though it is massively convenient. I'm saying you've taken pains to arrange the universe beforehand such that it makes all of this make sense now. It's a real credit to the work you put in that I'm second-guessing my assumptions about this place. Does this cult actually have a point, at least in the context of this universe?
The homologous body structures of ponies meant that all foals started out as fillies in the womb.
Lucky bastards...
Zephyr's body went rigid as he felt himself finally cumming, and hard, streaking the interior of her uterus with his white seed.
As opposed to clear, I guess because he's so pent-up. Might not be obvious to everyone reading it, though.
"It's quite alright," Harshwhinny said, taking a hoof towel from her suit pocket. She cleaned her glasses and wiped her face.
She cleaned cum off of her glasses with a towel? Pressing X to doubt, fam.
Though I would have appreciated it if you had been honest in your application when it asked if you were a squirter."
Comma after 'though'.
Her heartbeat was thundering all around him like a war drum, or an amplified base-line at a concert.
Her heart was a war drum beat by jugular cults in eerie jungle vaults.
I'll let whoever cares google that.
The phantom sensations on his dick from his mother's relentless stimulation had him feeling like he had been on the edge for a long while. He figured he needed only a bit of direct contact from his hoof. But he had it all backwards. His mother was nowhere near the point he was at. And he had a lot of ground to cover to catch up. In the meantime, it felt like his mother was fucking him as hard as she could while he could be anywhere but on the brink of orgasm.
It took me a bunch of times reading that to understand that Sunburst was confusing the pleasure he was feeling for the pleasure Mom was feeling, explaining why he's been so seemingly frigid towards her compared to his captured compatriots.
Stellar's body trembled and she pulled the dildo out one last time. She pulled her legs out of the stirrups and she cupped her vulva with one hoof while biting the other. She rolled onto her side and just held her breath as she came in relative silence.
Holy shit, she really is my spirit animal. I do that too and it's fucking great!
No, I do not bite my own hand. Stop laughing at me!
"Not really," Zephyr Breeze said. His voice was a bit muffled inside his mother, but he could still be heard. "It's given me time to work on my meditation and yoga in here. I can finally suck my own dick! That's a life dream achieved!"
"Life goals..." Shining thought to himself, also with his own dick in his mouth.
We'd all do it if we could. Love how Shining is a good guy enough not to brag about how massive his cock is.
~
I like the tilde as much as the next guy but why no horizontal rule or perhaps an asterisk bracket like this?
****
"I beg your pardon?" Ms. Harshwhinny asked, standing in Posy's bungalow that evening after Posy asked to privately speak with her.
Posy was laying in her bed, getting ready to sleep for the night. "Zephyr was wondering if being born was... strictly... necessary... as in, mandatory."
"I... I don't understand," Harshwhinny said.
"I don't want to be born," Zephyr said. "We have a nice thing going here and we don't want it to end."
"Ms. Shy?"
"I was... curious if that would be possible."
"I... I honestly don't know. This had never come up before. I would have to talk to Nurse Redheart about it. But I'll have an answer for you tomorrow morning."
"Thank you," Posy said. And then Ms. Harshwhinny left for the night.
"Thanks, Mom," Zephyr said. "Do you want to..." he asked, rubbing his penis.
"Not right now, sweetie," she said. "I can't even reach myself."
"Oh, okay."
"..."
"I love you, Mom."
"I love you, too."
This is an intriguing way to end the chapter because it's the first time I've seen behavior firsthand from one of the captured males that seems genuinely sinister. Zephyr is such a lazy piece of shit, he thinks he can convince his co-dependent mother to live entirely for him so that he'll never have to be productive a day in his life. This is my immediate impression anyway. The fact that Harshwhinny hasn't jumped to the same conclusion I have despite knowing what a piece of shit he is is... surprising. Were it my fic, I wouldn't have taken this angle. But you still have a few chapters to go. I'm genuinely curious what you do with this new thread.
Can't wait to see what happens next.
Comma after breakfast.
Add a hyphen to deep-seated.
Comma after 'oh'.
There is nothing normal about you, Stella. You remind me of a cross between myself and the Roseluck I present in my writing.
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/027/528/519.png
If only my middle brother has access to such wisdom back in the 90's. He was a true Oedipus. Mom admitted as much.
The tone just got a whole lot more serious. I can't argue with her logic though. This is a reason why any and all Zephyr stories/artwork goes straight into the trash. Fetish is fetish but I just can't get behind pushy, rapey, creepy guys like him. They give passive creepy guys like me a bad name.
Comma before Zephyr. The guy's a loser to be sure but he's a named character and is entitled his own comma.
And shave that shit off of your face! You forgot the Zephyr comma again, bro.
Shining needs a comma bracket because the sentence scans without his name. Comma after 'Shining".
There are incels in Equestria? Bro, you're tripping over mares everywhere you go. Totally just ask one and you're golden. What's the worst you're going to do, Merry May? If we could only be so lucky on Earth...
Jesus, the plot is just bending around and enveloping these guys like the light surrounding a black hole. There is no way the mares are going to be allowed to be wrong for what they're doing! I'm not even saying it's contrived, though it is massively convenient. I'm saying you've taken pains to arrange the universe beforehand such that it makes all of this make sense now. It's a real credit to the work you put in that I'm second-guessing my assumptions about this place. Does this cult actually have a point, at least in the context of this universe?
Lucky bastards...
As opposed to clear, I guess because he's so pent-up. Might not be obvious to everyone reading it, though.
She cleaned cum off of her glasses with a towel? Pressing X to doubt, fam.
Comma after 'though'.
Her heart was a war drum beat by jugular cults in eerie jungle vaults.
I'll let whoever cares google that.
It took me a bunch of times reading that to understand that Sunburst was confusing the pleasure he was feeling for the pleasure Mom was feeling, explaining why he's been so seemingly frigid towards her compared to his captured compatriots.
Holy shit, she really is my spirit animal. I do that too and it's fucking great!
No, I do not bite my own hand. Stop laughing at me!
We'd all do it if we could. Love how Shining is a good guy enough not to brag about how massive his cock is.
I like the tilde as much as the next guy but why no horizontal rule or perhaps an asterisk bracket like this?
****
This is an intriguing way to end the chapter because it's the first time I've seen behavior firsthand from one of the captured males that seems genuinely sinister. Zephyr is such a lazy piece of shit, he thinks he can convince his co-dependent mother to live entirely for him so that he'll never have to be productive a day in his life. This is my immediate impression anyway. The fact that Harshwhinny hasn't jumped to the same conclusion I have despite knowing what a piece of shit he is is... surprising. Were it my fic, I wouldn't have taken this angle. But you still have a few chapters to go. I'm genuinely curious what you do with this new thread.
10895649
Well, considering the title of the next chapter...