Oh boy... This chapter... I really wanted to enjoy this since this has a bunch of stuff I'm really into, but some of this story's elements are so messed up to me that I couldn't enjoy it. It had stallions forced to go through this stuff and told to go along with this new way of thinking or die. That is way too much like some stuff some friends and family of mine have had to deal with involving cults for comfort.
A well written story it allows visualizations of the environment and events without glaring grammatical error, but these 'mother' character disgust me deeply which must also lay credit to the writting quality. Endagering their children to force them to comply at risk of death? What kind of mother would do such a thing and be worthy of the title? If you put a child in a small space running out of air is it the childs fault if they die when they have no escape under their control or the parent who needlessly endagered them in the first place? Their 'agreeing' to link with their 'mother's again doesn't actually conceed anything other than a basic survival instinct. If freed from such a prison perhaps they should dangle the 'mother's over a cliff and tell them that because they arn't respecting them enough or some other such trite, that instead of dealing with disagreements like grown mares and stallions they will have to conceed or die. I'll read on in the hopes that these monsters suffer a painful death by the end but I'd wager I'll be yet more disappointed. I get that the setup needs to be there to get to the material that many 'came' here to get to, but it makes it hard to care about these 'mother's who recklessly endager the children that they 'love'.
So, kinda going on what some other readers have mentioned about this chapter, I have to say it's kinda uncomfortable - and not because of the unbirthing. The four stallions get drugged, have their bodies altered without being aware of what's happening and finally forced into an enclosed space while begging for it to stop while their partners doesn't listen because it's "for their own good." I notice that the story was edited so that it wasn't a matter of life or death which is a definite improvement, but it's still, for lack of a better term, imprisoning them unless they give in to what their partners demand. No matter which way you slice it, this has a lot of non-consensual elements in the set-up.
Having read the rest of the story, I don't think there's a way to edit this to really remove these elements. That being said, I think there's an argument that the story might warrant a non-con tag, or possibly mentioning it. I admit I could be reading too much into it and putting my own negative spin on it, so I'll defer to you.
i was interested then i saw velvet did this because she's being jealous and steller doesn't matter understand WHY sunburst left, zeypher and button are fine, I'm half tempted not to keep reading
The other stallions were shaken from their beds and looked up at giant mares through the big glass disc above them which distorted the image of them like a lens. Shining realized it was a giant magnifying glass. Ms. Harshwhinny's face filled his field of view, inspecting all the stallions.
Gonna take a moment here just to point out the pants-shitting horror of this scene from the perspective of the stallions and immediately appreciate my choice of Silent Hill music to read this to. What a brilliant start this chapter is having. Why the fuck does this not have more upvotes? You either really post some Stephen King-level oof later on or people were just scared off by the tags. I dunno man but from what I've read so far this is the most intriguing setting I've gotten out of you.
"Now I'm sure your tiny heads must just be buzzing with questions right now," Harshwhinny said as quietly as she could. "And the biggest ones being, what is happening, and why." She could see Shining's horn twinkle faintly. "Oh, I wouldn't bother to try to use magic, dear. You no longer have the biomass to generate the arcane energy needed. You'll just give yourself a tiny little headache." Shining persisted until it was obvious she was right.
Considering he was able once able to shield an entire city, they must have really shrunk him down good! Those poor lads!
"I know all stallions must grow up and go out on their own to have their own career, and family. But ever since you got married and moved to the Crystal Empire, I feel forgotten about. I feel like that mare-" She paused and reworded it. "I feel like your wife has taken you away from me. I never see you anymore. You don't even visit on my birthday, or even Mother's Day. I miss you so much, but you seem to have forgotten all about me. You are my son. And I am your mother!" She took a breath and calmed herself. "I want to feel like your mother again."
I pray they find some sort of way to escape this and burn the entire facility down. Oh my god, this is terrifying!
"And you called me a bitch when I took away your JoyBoy!" she cried.
Cream Heart might have a point here. Seriously, you called your own mother a bitch? I've been mad at Mom before but never mad enough to say such a terrible thing. You deserve to be shoved up into your Mom's cooter, Gamer Word.
"It has been... a very long time since I've had a stallion,"
"Zephyr Breeze, I am your mother. And you are my son. But you have been... just awful. You are lazy. You blame everypony else for your problems. And you take advantage of everypony around you. Especially me. Because you know I won't say no to you. And you're indecent and obscene. You walk around with an erection all the time, you masturbate constantly and you act like it's no big deal. I tried to help you. I gave you that one wingjob hoping it was enough. But it was never enough for you! You wanted more. You wanted to do more. And then when I said no, you went to your sister! Have you no decency at all!?"
I'll just be throwing up now.
"Mom, I can't believe Fluttershy told you about that! And why did you have to tell everypony about the wingjob? It was just one time! And this wouldn't have even happened if you had just let me-"
Shakes, I'm begging you to stop. Please... (Bleeeeeeeeeeeechhhhhhhhhhh!) Poor Flutters!
"You should have been a blowjob," she said. She gave the dildo back to Harshwhinny who brought it down between Posy's legs. "Feel free to put him up my ass instead."
"By my authority as the Prince of the Crystal Empire, I demand to be released at once!" Shining shouted.
Harshwhinny sighed. "Your Highness, we do have the means of forcibly removing you from your mother's womb," she admitted. "But I don't think you want to spend the rest of your life the size of an insect. The only way for you to regain your original size is through your mother's link
."
How are they not in really deep shit? The BCC just forcibly detailed a government official and kidnapped a number of civilians! There's got to be consequences for this later on.
Ms. Harshwhinny passed through the courtyard in the middle of the bungalows. "Goodnight ladies! Be sure to get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day!"
Well, you'll be happy to know I didn't find one, single, solitary mistake in the writing. No typos, no wasted words, no borked alliteration, no empty gaps or missing punctuation. In fact, no mistakes whatsoever. This is as solid a piece of writing as you're likely to find anywhere on fimfiction.net. Considering how sizable a chunk of real estate this chapter represents, that's one hell of an accomplishment. You have my respect, sir.
I think I understand why it isn't wildly popular either. People came in probably expecting sex, as you do when you're a clopper, and instead got an actual story where a group of mothers takes their own sons to what can best be described as a medical cult compound to imprison and torment their own offspring. It's pretty dark stuff to be sure.
You still have my interest though. I really want to see these guys escape their prison and to explain to their mothers what they've done wrong and burn this motherfucker to the ground and bring the ponies running this place to justice. I don't think I'm going to know how to feel about this story until the resolution so I'm just going to keep reading.
Oh boy... This chapter... I really wanted to enjoy this since this has a bunch of stuff I'm really into, but some of this story's elements are so messed up to me that I couldn't enjoy it. It had stallions forced to go through this stuff and told to go along with this new way of thinking or die. That is way too much like some stuff some friends and family of mine have had to deal with involving cults for comfort.
A well written story it allows visualizations of the environment and events without glaring grammatical error, but these 'mother' character disgust me deeply which must also lay credit to the writting quality. Endagering their children to force them to comply at risk of death? What kind of mother would do such a thing and be worthy of the title? If you put a child in a small space running out of air is it the childs fault if they die when they have no escape under their control or the parent who needlessly endagered them in the first place? Their 'agreeing' to link with their 'mother's again doesn't actually conceed anything other than a basic survival instinct. If freed from such a prison perhaps they should dangle the 'mother's over a cliff and tell them that because they arn't respecting them enough or some other such trite, that instead of dealing with disagreements like grown mares and stallions they will have to conceed or die. I'll read on in the hopes that these monsters suffer a painful death by the end but I'd wager I'll be yet more disappointed. I get that the setup needs to be there to get to the material that many 'came' here to get to, but it makes it hard to care about these 'mother's who recklessly endager the children that they 'love'.
WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ
So, kinda going on what some other readers have mentioned about this chapter, I have to say it's kinda uncomfortable - and not because of the unbirthing. The four stallions get drugged, have their bodies altered without being aware of what's happening and finally forced into an enclosed space while begging for it to stop while their partners doesn't listen because it's "for their own good." I notice that the story was edited so that it wasn't a matter of life or death which is a definite improvement, but it's still, for lack of a better term, imprisoning them unless they give in to what their partners demand. No matter which way you slice it, this has a lot of non-consensual elements in the set-up.
Having read the rest of the story, I don't think there's a way to edit this to really remove these elements. That being said, I think there's an argument that the story might warrant a non-con tag, or possibly mentioning it. I admit I could be reading too much into it and putting my own negative spin on it, so I'll defer to you.
Yup. Junji Ito approves
I nearly fainted tbh but I'm ok
10377634
MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY
i was interested then i saw velvet did this because she's being jealous and steller doesn't matter understand WHY sunburst left, zeypher and button are fine, I'm half tempted not to keep reading
Love it. But I must now ask myself very difficult questions to figure out why.
This chapter is called Homecoming. A fine choice!
Gonna take a moment here just to point out the pants-shitting horror of this scene from the perspective of the stallions and immediately appreciate my choice of Silent Hill music to read this to. What a brilliant start this chapter is having. Why the fuck does this not have more upvotes? You either really post some Stephen King-level oof later on or people were just scared off by the tags. I dunno man but from what I've read so far this is the most intriguing setting I've gotten out of you.
Considering he was able once able to shield an entire city, they must have really shrunk him down good! Those poor lads!
I pray they find some sort of way to escape this and burn the entire facility down. Oh my god, this is terrifying!
Cream Heart might have a point here. Seriously, you called your own mother a bitch? I've been mad at Mom before but never mad enough to say such a terrible thing. You deserve to be shoved up into your Mom's cooter, Gamer Word.
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/027/528/519.png
I'll just be throwing up now.
Shakes, I'm begging you to stop. Please... (Bleeeeeeeeeeeechhhhhhhhhhh!) Poor Flutters!
derpicdn.net/img/2017/4/21/1417249/large.png
"By my authority as the Prince of the Crystal Empire, I demand to be released at once!" Shining shouted.
."
How are they not in really deep shit? The BCC just forcibly detailed a government official and kidnapped a number of civilians! There's got to be consequences for this later on.
Well, you'll be happy to know I didn't find one, single, solitary mistake in the writing. No typos, no wasted words, no borked alliteration, no empty gaps or missing punctuation. In fact, no mistakes whatsoever. This is as solid a piece of writing as you're likely to find anywhere on fimfiction.net. Considering how sizable a chunk of real estate this chapter represents, that's one hell of an accomplishment. You have my respect, sir.
I think I understand why it isn't wildly popular either. People came in probably expecting sex, as you do when you're a clopper, and instead got an actual story where a group of mothers takes their own sons to what can best be described as a medical cult compound to imprison and torment their own offspring. It's pretty dark stuff to be sure.
You still have my interest though. I really want to see these guys escape their prison and to explain to their mothers what they've done wrong and burn this motherfucker to the ground and bring the ponies running this place to justice. I don't think I'm going to know how to feel about this story until the resolution so I'm just going to keep reading.