Chapter 8-Rustlers Revealed
Though the bed was stiff, and the blankets far too thin to provide any real warmth, Rainbow managed around six hours of solid sleep before the sun blasted through her window. Ordinarily, she'd simply roll over and continue her slumber, cursing the sun for its impudence. Not today.
Today was the day she’d prove she wasn’t just dead weight. She would recover the cattle, get the cash Macintosh and the farm needed, and earn the rights to the airspace over Sweet Apple Acres in one fell swoop. That is, as soon as she convinced her body it was time to do that. It seemed to have other ideas, and was defending them with several rather persuasive arguments.
In the time it took her to force her rebellious limbs out of bed, her thoughts idly turned to why she wanted to prove herself in the first place. It was easy to call it a matter of pride, but that just didn’t seem to cover it, in this case. There was something else; something she couldn’t quite place. She had to prove herself, to Macintosh more than anypony else. But why?
Why do I care what he thinks? He's AJ's brother for Celestia's sake! He's just a hardworking, ripped stallion who probably knows a thing or two about how to please a mare-No! Stop that!
Rainbow rubbed her hooves against her eyes with a groan, trying to sort out a flurry of unfamiliar feelings as they swelled in her chest at the mere thought of Big Macintosh.
Okay Rainbow, this is no big deal! It's just a passing interest. A coltfriend would only slow you down! None of the Wonderbolts have special someponies; it would just get in the way of being awesome!
Dash grinned and sat back in bed. “The hay was I thinking? I don’t have time for a coltfriend. My awesomeness is a full-time job.” She folded her forelegs behind her head, having successfully convinced herself she had no feelings for anypony. Especially not one who’s name started with M and rhymed with Smackintosh.
Her legs still refused to get her out of bed. Dash sighed. How about a compromise, legs? Fifteen more minutes, then we move. Good?
Satisfied, she allowed her mind to drift away from the annoying topic of her most-definitely-nonexistent feelings for Macintosh and closed her eyes.
Before she knew it, she’d gone from a graphic plan of exactly what she’d do to the cattle rustlers when she caught them to a bizarre fantasy involving a picnic with a certain red stallion. She’d gone well past the point where she imagine them sharing a blanket under the stars before she realized exactly what she was thinking of.
No! Bad! She jerked her mind away from that topic, but to no avail. A horrifying thought slowly pushed its way to the forefront of her mind and refused to leave until it was acknowledged.
She liked Macintosh.
The more she tried to convince herself it wasn't true, the more she recognized the signs. He carried her across the desert, even after she'd lost the farm a considerable amount of money, and even after she had inadvertently insulted his dead father! Surely nopony was that polite?
As if playing devils advocate for herself, she began to explore the possible outcomes of a romance with Macintosh. She couldn't deny he was pure stallion. Strong as an ox, or stronger, with labor-hardened muscles and rugged features to boot. Physically, he was everything she could have asked for. Somepony to talk to, watch dumb movies with, laugh with, eat amazingly tasty dinners with, and especially warm up a cold bed before she climbed in... with.
Even more so than the superficial reasons of spending time with somepony, she wanted a stallion who would be there to help nurse her wounded ego whenever she -dare she even think it- fail at something she attempted. Sure she had her friends, and they were great at making her feel better when they were around, but they couldn't be with her in her bed while she silently doubted her abilities, or kicked herself for what she should have done, or should have tried. It was hard to go home to an empty house after a tough loss or a second place finish, rare though they may be. She had Tank, and he was great for listening, but not much for talking back.
Fearless and tough though she may have been on the outside, inside she was still a girl, a girl who sometimes needed somepony to tell her everything would be fine, and a loss wasn't the end of the world, the way her parents used to when she was just a filly.
Though she hadn't had what anypony would consider a true coltfriend, she had a few one night stands under her belt, as any mare her age might want to be a little adventurous in the avenues of love. Though most involved alcohol and she plainly remembered that none of them had been particularly satisfying. It seemed she desired a stallion who had the strength to lay her down and give her what she needed without having to be instructed on how, or timidly asking if they were hurting her or something. She wasn't some delicate flower; she was practically a Wonderbolt for Celestia's sake! Well, she would be if it weren't for those pesky tryouts always being scheduled during her work week.
Still, the more she thought of what bedding the big stallion would be like, the more she was reminded of certain portions of her daydream. A knock at the door pulled her from her thoughts as the same older mare from last night entered her room with a tray of hospital food.
"Breakfast time, Ms. Dash!" she announced cheerfully.
Rainbow threw her blanket over herself in an effort to hide her rather embarrassing wing situation all those intimate thoughts had given her.
"Did you sleep well last night?"
Rainbow swallowed nervously, "Yeah..."
"Splendid. That dashing coltfriend of yours was nearly exhausted by the time he let us have a look at him."
News of Mac's condition piqued her interest. "How is he?"
"Oh, he's fine. Nothing a saline solution couldn't fix," she said, placing the familiar hospital fare on her lap. "You're scheduled for release as soon as you're comfortable."
"Thanks. What about Mac?"
"He's in the waiting room. He spoke very highly of you, though he insisted he wasn't your coltfriend," she added, gathering Rainbow's empty IV and removing it from her foreleg with careful tug. "But I know the shy type when I see them! He was quite flushed when I assured him we wouldn't judge a pegasus and an earth ponies love. Some folks are pretty closed minded about that sort of thing, but not us!" she continued cheerily.
"He's not my coltfriend," she corrected.
The nurse set her items on a nearby gurney with a surprised look on her face.
"Really? I was almost certain the two of you were-"
"Nope," Rainbow cut in.
"Any reason why? He seemed pretty fond of you."
The mere mention of this brought some color to her cheeks. "Yeah!" she snapped, "Lots of reasons! Like..."
Try as she might, she simply couldn't think of a valid reason to not like him. Still, that didn't mean she did!
"Don't worry about my reasons!" she added, turning an icy shoulder to the older nurse.
"I'm sorry dear, it wasn't my place."
With that, the nurse left her alone with her thoughts, though Rainbow almost wished she hadn't. Pushing the mushy thoughts of Mac from her head, she focused on her now grumbling stomach. Rainbow glanced down at the unappetizing tray before her. Ordinarily, her previous experiences with hospital food would have been enough for her to skip breakfast and get something to eat in town. However, she hadn't eaten anything besides a meager late night hospital dinner, and on top of that, she had no money. So, she happily scarfed down every crumb, silently thanking Celestia for implementing free kingdom-wide health care.
After breakfast and a much needed shower, Rainbow was ready to hunt down the herd. Leaving her room, she found her way to the waiting room where Big Mac sat asleep in one of the chairs. He certainly was good at napping anyplace, anytime.
"Mac, wake up."
Macintosh stirred awake, getting to his hooves and glancing towards her. He found himself staring a little longer than was necessary. Rainbow's mane was still wet, sticking around her neck and wrapping elegantly around her face. She obviously didn't want to waste time drying off, even her wings glistened under the artificial light as she ruffled them, a brief shower creating a rainbow around her before dissipating.
"Somethin' wrong?" she asked, knowing, but not admitting how good it felt to exercise her femininity every now and again. Only a coltcuddler would be immune to her, and if Mac's cheeks were any indication, he certainly wasn't.
Mac shifted on his hooves nervously "Eenope," he answered, his voice shaking slightly. "Ya ready ta find them cattle?"
"You know it," she answered, shaking her mane dry while wetting Mac for the third time. They stepped out of the hospital, and into the western town of Prarieville. The dust from the red clay roads swirled to greet them, as all manner of modestly dressed ponies went about their daily lives. The style of dress reminded both of Appleoosa, though Prairieville seemed a bit more populated.
"Did we go back in time?" Rainbow asked.
"You'd think," Mac answered calmly.
"Well, where do we start?" Rainbow asked, squinting her eyes to avoid the kicked up dust.
"This town's a lot bigger than it was the last time Ah was here," he observed, taking careful glances up and down Mane street, "Ah reckon tryin' ta search everywhere by this afternoon'd be a fool's errand. If we want ta catch rustlers, we're gonna have ta think like 'em."
“Hang on,” she said, spreading her wings. “I’ll see if I can get a better view.”
She took off without waiting for a reply, and hovered a few hundred feet in the air. From the street, the city was crowded. From above, it looked like a disturbed anthill. Well… an anthill filled with cows and ponies. Unable to tell one herd from another, she gave up and landed beside the red stallion.
"See anythin'?"
"A bunch of cows. This is like finding a needle in a stack of needles," she sighed, before realizing something about the cattle Mac's family kept at the farm.
"Hey, can't your cows talk?"
Mac nodded, "Daisy Jo can talk. She speaks for them, and can understand them. She's an Ayrshire dairy cow, their kind can learn our language. The cattle we're after are Holstein cows. They ain't smart enough ta speak, but we pay Daisy ta help us understand what it is the cows want, and what we want of the cows. We don't do anythin' to the cows, unless they let us. Anythin' less would be cruel."
"So I take it Daisy Jo is back on the farm, huh?" she sighed.
"Eeyup, she's got the arthritis, she'd have never made the journey," Mac finished, turning to Rainbow. "Now, we gotta ask ourselves where we'd find rustlers in this town."
Dash nodded, "Okay, where would lawbreakers and thieves normally hang out in a place like this?"
Mac turned his head to the left, noticing a rather run down building with the words 'Saloon' written on what appeared to be no more than an old piece of plywood haphazardly mounted above the door.
"There," he said, pointing a hoof toward the rough looking watering hole. They wove through buggy traffic and herds of cattle and made their way to the saloon. A ragtime tune played on a piano drifted out through the doors as they got closer, as did murmured conversations. Mac pushed the door open, allowing Rainbow inside first. No sooner had they entered, the griffon on the piano abruptly halted his melody, every eye cast towards the out-of-towners. The bar patrons were mostly earth stallions, dressed in some manner of dusty clothing, be it a vest, Stetson, or otherwise. Rainbow still couldn't figure out the connection between earth ponies and clothes, but was more concerned about the harsh stares they all seemed to be giving them, especially her. The only other mares in the room were either serving drinks, or seated on one of the stallions laps.
Macintosh paid no mind to the stares as he stepped towards the bar and took a vacant seat after setting down his weighty gear, motioning Rainbow to follow. As soon as they sat down, the music started back up and the other ponies seemed to go back about their business. The older looking unicorn stallion behind the bar sported a wide handlebar mustache, as well as a nicely pressed collared shirt.
"Say, aren't you two the pair what come from the desert?" the bartender drawled, polishing a mug with a rather dirty looking rag.
"Eeyup. How'd you know?" Mac asked earnestly.
"Word travels fast in a town this size," he grinned, "though I believe my wife was treatin' ya. She's a nurse up there at the clinic."
"A older lady with a blue cross cutie mark?" Rainbow chimed.
"That's her," he chuckled, setting the mug behind the bar and producing a sizable bottle and two shot glasses.
"So what brings a fine looking young filly and her beau to a dirty old hole like this?"
"He's not my—"
"She ain't my—"
They stopped, realizing they spoke simultaneously.
"It ain't like that, mister..."
"Call me Doc."
"Doc, we're here for the dairy auction, but our cattle got rustled on the way over."
"Rustled? I ain't heard of cattle rustlers 'round these parts since I was a colt! No sir, not since they put in that rail line."
Mac didn't have to look at Rainbow to feel the I-told-you-the-railroad-was-safer stare she was boring into him. Doc filled the two shot glasses with an amber liquid from the bottle and slid them toward Mac and Dash.
"Appreciate it, but we ain't exactly flushed with bits at the moment," Mac admitted, pushing the glasses back towards him.
"It's on the house. Ellie May told me what y'all had been through in the desert. After somethin' like that I reckon the first place I'd go is the saloon too!" he added happily, sliding back the glasses.
"That's mighty kind of ya," Mac said throwing back his shot, earning an elbow from Rainbow in the process.
"Are we here to drink, or find the cattle?" she whispered harshly.
"Easy Rainbow, it'd be impolite ta turn down a neighborly gesture. You gonna drink that?"
Rainbow rolled her eyes and slid the glass over to him. He certainly didn't seem too upset that the cattle had been lost now that he'd had a few drinks.
"Anyway, we're here lookin' for the two bit varmints that stole our cattle. We figure this is th' only place they'd have taken them on account of th' auction this afternoon."
Doc nodded in agreement, "I suppose that's a valid assumption. Though may I ask what you plan on doing once you find them?"
"We're gonna kick their flanks and take our cattle back!" Rainbow interjected.
Mac smiled at her enthusiasm, "Ah hope it won't come ta that, but if force is th' only thing that their type'll understand, then we have no choice."
"Sometimes it is necessary, though if all else fails, y'all should try askin' the sheriff to help ya. Things used ta be pretty rough and tumble 'round here till the two of them showed up."
Mac turned to Rainbow, "Maybe we should ask the sheriff. It'd probably be easier than goin' around askin' folks if they've seen anythin'."
Dash could feel the numerous sets of eyes ogling her the moment she set hoof in this place, and was feeling thoroughly disgusted with the notion. "Fine, whatever gets me away from these dirty stallions," she sneered, glaring over her shoulder at the drunken eyes still watching her from the many poker games and tables.
"Thank ya kindly for th' hospitality Doc." Mac said, nodding before getting onto his hooves. Rainbow did the same, and as Mac was about to pick up his gear, he heard Dash yelp in surprise.
"Hey there lil' filly...how much fer a good time?" a very drunk stallion had built up his courage and come from across the room to proposition her with a rather hard slap on the flank. Rainbow’s face twisted in anger, and she mentally prepared a tirade of a few choice obscenities. He was about to let him have it when Macintosh stepped in front of her.
"Apologize to the lady," he growled, "Now."
"Hey! I can—"
Mac held up an insistent hoof, quieting her as the drunken stallions friends began to gather behind him.
"You gonna make me, mister?" he slurred. He was maybe an inch or two shorter than Mac, and not nearly as muscular, but alcohol had a tendency to make one believe one was capable of feats otherwise deemed impossible by a sober stallion.
Mac bent his neck toward the ground, his yoke sliding off effortlessly before he cracked his neck from one side to the other.
He turned to Dash, "Hold my yoke."
Mac sat on his flanks inside the dingy jail cell, not a scratch on him.
"Macintosh Apple, you got a visitor," the guard said, letting in a familiar pegasus.
Rainbow's glare was well deserved and he knew it. Maybe it had been the alcohol, in combination with the frustration of losing the cattle, and the implications it held for his home, but Mac simply couldn't let such an insult to Rainbow's honor go unpunished.
"I hope you're proud of yourself!" she stated bluntly.
"Ah wouldn't go that far," he sighed. He was rather embarrassed, especially after he had just got done saying he'd rather not resort to violence to solve problems.
"I didn't need you to beat those jerks up for me, I could have handled myself."
Mac rolled his eyes. She was certainly delusional if she thought she could take on five stallions at once.
"And after how nice Doc was to us, you go and throw ponies through his windows! It's a good thing he didn't make us pay for those or the tables and chairs you smashed!"
“Ah didn’t break the chairs,” he said defensively, which only irritated Rainbow further.
“Oh, yeah? Then what did?”
Macintosh shifted uncomfortably. “Their heads.”
Dash stomped in anger and turned away. “I can’t even look at you right now! How could you put yourself in danger like that? One of them could have had a knife!"
The incarcerated stallion winced, though felt compelled to ask, "Why do you care if Ah put myself in harms way?"
Rainbow knew she'd said too much. Without a ready comeback, she felt the heat in her cheeks begin to rise. Cursing her involuntary response, she muttered the first few words that came to mind.
"Uh...W-what was I supposed to tell Applejack if you got hurt, huh?"
Mac noticed her hesitance, but seeing how uncomfortable it made her, decided to drop the subject.
"Ah'm sorry ya had ta see that, but it looks like Ah'll be spending a while in here."
Rainbow scoffed, "No you won't. I paid your bail."
"How?" Mac raised an eyebrow, "We only had enough money ta buy two train tickets."
"I used that money to buy into a poker game after they hauled you off. I cleaned them out!" she added, puffing out her chest pridefully. "You're lucky I win the poker games the girls and I play every now and then, or you'd be in there a lot longer. But now we're broke."
Something about Macintosh catapulting hapless drunks through windows reminded Rainbow of her own debt, as well as what Mac had mentioned in the desert before she began to fade from the snake venom.
"What did you mean when you said there was more than just windows riding on this drive?"
Mac's normally stoic demeanor began to crack as he looked at his hooves, ears lowering in shame.
Might as well come clean...
"The farms finances are in a bad way at the moment," he sighed. "The older the place gets, the more repairs and such it needs. The crops used ta pay for it all, with some left over for necessities, and a few luxuries," he explained.
"But as time went on, things became more expensive, and Apple prices didn't rise ta meet them. We had ta start cuttin' back on some of th' things we used ta buy. This cattle drive was supposed ta hold us over till zapapple season, but without the money, we'll have ta sell part of the land ta make ends meet. Less land means less profit, and Ah'm afraid if we have ta do that, it's only a matter of time before we have ta let the whole farm go..." he finished weakly, what Rainbow would swear was a tear gathering at the corner of his soft green eyes.
"Mac... I had no idea..." she whispered in disbelief. If she had known so much was on the line, she wouldn't have been so unhelpful. "If this was so important, why was it just me and you in charge of keeping the cattle?"
"Applejack couldn't go, and we can't afford ta hire any outside help. All our cousins are busy with their own farms, if they were ta come help us, they might find themselves in the same situation. Somepony's even put an offer on the parcel of land that we'll have ta sell." he sighed.
"But AJ said I was going with you to keep an eye out for rustlers! That guy at the saloon said he hadn't even heard of rustlers since he was a colt! That had to be at least fifty years ago!" she protested.
"In case ya ain't noticed, AJ fancies herself some kinda matchmaker as of late. She's been at it since Applebloom tried ta poison me and her teacher, despite my insistence she knock it off."
Rainbow knew it, but at least Mac was aware of it as well. Still, if rustlers hadn't existed for so long, why did their cows get stolen? On top of that, how had they managed it without leaving a trace of where they had gone?
"So now you know. Mine and Applejack's home depends on us findin' those cattle, and it's already past noon," he added in despair. It didn't look good for Sweet Apple acres. "Maybe you were right Rainbow... Ah should have just used the train like a normal pony..."
Rainbow took offense to his self-doubt, "Now hold on a minute!" she spat, striding over to the bars, "We may have been nearly been killed a bunch of times, but what's done is done, and there's nothing we can do about it! What we can do, is find the cattle, get the money, and save your farm!"
If anything, he had to admire her persistence. A smile broke across his lips as he got to his hooves.
"Ah like th' sound of that!" he agreed.
Another guard in a vest and badge came into the otherwise empty cell block, drawing their attention.
"The sheriffs will be here ta let ya out directly," he called before disappearing again.
"Sheriffs?" Mac asked, returning the same quizzical look Rainbow wore.
A few moments later, two unicorn stallions entered the room, one with a mustache, and one without. Both wore matching stetsons and striped vests, both turned and grinned at the shocked ponies before them.
"Well if it isn't Big Macintosh, and his quick pegasus friend from our brief stint in Ponyville! Quite the pickle they've gotten themselves into, eh Flim?"
"I couldn't agree more, Flam."
Mac couldn't believe his eyes. On top of lost cattle and zero money, and imprisonment, the Flim Flam brothers had shown up to laugh at his misfortune.
"What're you two doing here?" Rainbow hissed.
"The deputies tell us you came to town looking for those scoundrels who stole your livestock!" Flim answered.
"Well look no further!" Flam completed.
"Ordinarily, this would be the part where we explain how and why we did it with a jaunty tune, but the ruining of our illustrious reputation in Ponyville spread farther than we expected, so much so that dear brother and I had to get out of the cider business, and fire our songwriter!" Flim responded angrily.
"So we came out west, to start life anew! There's a sucker born every minute, and this town is an honest to goodness candy shop," Flam added.
"You stole our cattle?" Mac asked, dumbstruck.
"A bit slow on the draw isn't he Flim?"
"I daresay you're correct Flam."
Rainbow couldn't believe their luck. They'd found the cattle rustlers, and in the sheriff's office no less!
"You two aren't too smart either! You just confessed to stealing our cattle!" she snapped confidently. "As soon as the sheriffs get here, it'll be you two behind bars instead of Mac!"
Flim and Flam both grinned at each other, "This is the fun part!"
"I do so enjoy it brother of mine!"
Turning back to the pair, they opened their vests to reveal two shiny, matching gold badges that read, 'Prairieville Sheriff'.
Amazing concept with the cows, very amazing indeed. AWESOME WORK KEEP BEING AWESOME!
Ouch.... This was... unexpected. MOAR!!!!!!
OH SHIT!
I say buck em, leave and never come back.
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Didn't see that coming!
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This story just got even more awesomer..or something.
lol they dead
How did I know that Flim and Flam were involved?
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DAT TWIST!
Oh shit.
O_O .... what?
Lol this story takes a full time job of being awesome?
anyways, it is awesome!
What brain dead moron put those two twits in charge of the law?!
Oh boy, here we go.
271577 They're two fast talking con-ponies with the ability to talk themselves out of (or into, in this case) any position they want! The simple folks of Prairieville never saw it coming! More on that next chapter, however.
Two words sums up this chapter: Oh, Shit.
The situation all summed up from Mac's point of view: Well, things look downright terrible. Your farm is almost gone, you had to save a shrew from drowning, you've almost died from a snake bite, you're father's memory was insulted, you almost died crossing the desert trying to save that mare, you're in jail and on top of it all your mortal enemies are the sheriffs of the town you are jailed in. Don't forget you are also falling for your sister's friend who is the polar opposite of you and a little out of your comfort level.
The situation from Rainbow's point of View: You've been put on a trek to sell cattle to pay a debt to a friend. You are to accompany said friend's brother on this journey, you bath in soiled water from the cattle, you almost drown, get sick from liquor, get bit by a snake, you loose the cattle, insult the stallion's dead father, have to play poker to make the stallion's bail after he beat the tar out of a stallion who trying to cop a feel. Now you have to save him from the new sheriffs of the town you two are in as well as help save his farm. Don't forget you are having feelings for the stallion after he saved your life over and over again and despite how much you treasure your freedom you can't help but fall.
I despise all these cliff hangers, especially on something good like this.
Peace Out.
This was a Fantastic chapter!!!
in most stories there is one or two things I like about a chapter, but I loved everything on this one!!!! Great work!
271596
I'm just voicing what I'm pretty sure Rainbow's thinking.
Well, Rainbow Dash DOES have connections with the ultimate authority of Equestria...
Oh hell yeah, that was great.
271672 Yes she does, but the burden of proof lies with the accuser! They have no proof the Flim Flam bros stole the cattle, other than their word, which they would of course deny.
271754
I'm pretty sure Celestia is tyrant enough to ignore that.
WHAT A
Looks to me like we're hitting the climax of the story here. I simply cannot wait to see how this all plays out. Although it's safe to assume that bones will be broken. I also expect some Badass Couple action.
One slight thing that I've been worried about since the beginning of the fic. The first chapter mentioned that it was a week after Dash saved Rarity and performed a Sonic Rainboom, but Tank and Hearts and Hooves supposedly took place months after the Best Young Flyer's competition. Maybe it can be retconned to be a noodle incident of sorts...
It's only a minor thing. Totally can't wait for the next chapter.
271819 Actually, the sentence you're referring to was suppose to be a joke, implying that Rainbow had dropped Rarity after the competition in an attempt to perform another rainboom, but had only saved her instead of rainbooming. I guess it wasn't very clear, so my apologies if that threw you off.
OH please update soon!
271835 Phew. Saved.
[img]images-35[/img] DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
"Hold my yoke."
That line made me burst out laughing. It's probably because it reminded me of the line, "Hold my weave!"
LOL, I'm sorry.
Oh, man. I just love straight, tsundere, and slightly-experienced Dash in this fic, and the one shipping that I've always wanted since I became part of this fandom :D
Good job, author. Looking forward to next chapter.
271876 Don't apologize, I lol'd!
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hehehe... You know I've been thinking that this is getting really close to a Wyatt Earp sort of likeness what with doc...holiday please!
Honestly that was a really fanatical twist.
Oh god SO MUCH AWESOME
Big mac kicking some flank
And those 2 morons SHERIFF'S WUT!
Oh so i can guess who is the mayor:
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lol i read your explanation but its an funny idea that i had
Cant wait for your next update
Not gonna lie, the opening in the hospital fell a little flat for me. It was a couple pages of internal monologue and exposition dump that began to set foot into shipping cliche turf with little actually happening. You invoked the "why do I have these mysterious unexplained feelings for X?" platitude to build romantic tension, which is a rather week tension builder with even iffier presentation in this case. You kinda saved face by just owning up to the obvious implications by having Dash acknowledge that she was developing feelings for Mac, and choosing to ignore them and her emotional doubts (a rather characteristic thing), but still.
May I make a suggestion for the future? Present those kind of character motivation reveals through dialogue and conversations. The nurse pony that was so eager to conclude Dash and Mac were an item was the perfect "exposition target" character for this purpose. She could have walked in, made a comment about Dash and Mac's relationship, and when Dash denied it, instead of brushing it off the nurse could have questioned Dash further. The simple question she could have asked Dash was "Why not?", and then that would have served as the catalyst for Dash beginning a little rumination on her feelings. The nurse asks "why don't you like him?" and then Dash could have defended her position, even while she slowly began acknowledging Big Mac's appealing characteristics. Nurse could certainly have helped her along by talking up Mac's appeal. It's a more involved and engaging way to present character development, at least to me. It's a lot more believable and interesting to see characters gradually recognize and come to certain or uncertain terms with their emotions and motivations through actions then to have them basically spell it out for them.
The second Dash got outta bed however, things drastically improved! I liked her little tease at Mac, playing to her occasional pandering to her femininity. I ESPECIALLY like your explanation of how cows work in Equestria. Seriously, that was a BRILLIANT and creative way to resolve the issue readers had with the cows not talking. Hell, thats gunna be my personal head canon now. I like the concept that only some varieties/species have Pony grade intelligence, but the ponies treat all the animals with respect to their desires a LOT more than the idea that everything with hooves is sentient in Equestria. Makes more sense to me, plus it meshes with the show canon. The bar fight was cool also, and Rainbow's response was characteristic. Way to go RD for raking in the bits with poker, and way to go on Big Mac on getting tossed in jail! The retrospective description of the fight was clever. And the Flim Flam Brothers make a dramatic return? Nice. I liked those guys. But why did you reveal right away that they swiped the cattle? That could have been a great "twist" reveal later, but I guess thats subjective to me.
Still a good chapter. Nice work! Eager for 9. Lets see some writing!
271891
LOL, okay then.
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Oh geez, guess WHO made the offer on the land?
So we go from cattle drive to crooked sheriff(s) western plots. I'd ask if there'd be a horse chase scene, but that would be redundant.
271927 First off, thanks for taking the time to write all the stuff you wrote! To me, it means you liked this fic enough to actually take some time to put thought into your critiques, which I appreciate the poop out of, believe me. Ah, I like your idea with the nurse so much, now I wish I had done that! It was staring me in the face the whole time, but I didn't even realize it! Oh well, its already behind me. anyway, I'm glad the rest of the chap shaped up to your liking, and I figured I'd get the flim flam bros to admit their crimes simply because I see them almost as prideful as RD. So they think they've gotten away with the perfect crime, especially since they're the law in that town. perfect time to brag about how they'll get their revenge on the apples via their plan (which will be explained next chap). Anyway, thanks again, and Chapter 9 should be up in maybe a week, maximum.
EDIT: I added a brief scene with the nurse. I couldn't help myself, it was just too perfect. Why you no write fics?
272072 Since rustlers were pretty much unheard of, and since they try to only do things to the cattle that wouldn't hurt them unnecessarily, they don't brand them. Nothing fun about a red hot iron pressed on your ass.
The humor expressed at Rainbow's expense is priceless! And Dat Twist!
ohhhh dayymn.
awesome story dude xD
Awesome Story! I keeps things interesting when they get in deep troble and almost die every two chapters! Keep Writing!
oh wow this is a pretty great chapter and HOLY FUCK FLIM FLAM OUTA NOWHERE
dude.
yes. yes.
awesome.
yes. yes.
dude.
srsly.
I'm srsly, you guys.
*twitchy eyes*
Ahhhhhhhhhhh...
*deep intake of breath*
FUUUUUUUU*Squee*
well
i say
DAT PLOT TWIST
I CANT HANDLE IT!!
HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG
271899 You sir were the only person to pic up on why I named the bartender 'Doc'!
Congrats! One free internets for you!
You have no idea how much I love your stories. I await with open arms and a sack full of money.
Shit.
CELESTIA DAMN YOU FLIM AND FLAAAAAAM!!!!!!
I gotta squeak a little here. Flim and Flam weren't shysters. They had a get-rich-quick plan, but they weren't thieves... the Cider Squeezy 6000 worked just as advertised. They DID beat the Apples, fair and square. In fact, if they hadn't let the Apples bend the rules, if they hadn't panicked and shut off the quality control, heck, if they'd served the good cider FIRST, they would have still had the whole thing lock, stock and barrel.
Heck, if they hadn't gotten greedy in the first place they could have partnered with the Apples and made a mint. And they were certainly poor winners.
But at no point did they cheat, lie, steal, or actually deceive anyone.
I did not expect that...
Why did I not see that coming?! It all makes sense now!!!
Anyways can't wait for the next chapter. Keep it up!
272427 Yeah, and being run out of town made them bitter, and wanting revenge. They don't see it as their fault, what prideful fast talking sales-pony would ever admit to that? Their reputation for making crappy cider now relatively well known in the more civilized regions of Equestria, they set up shop here, plotting revenge. This is my take on what they did after they left Ponyville.