Equestria's Ray of Hope

by The_Darker_Fonts

Gamblers

In spite of Twilight’s wishes, Ray was out of his bed three days after he had first woken up. He had already been moving around the room during that time, getting used to the slight stab of pain with every step he took when there was no one watching. Twilight’s guards were surprisingly strict with him, probably on her orders, making it almost amusing when soldiers less intimidating than an unarmed Fallen were demanding he lay back down on his bed. However, he also understood they were doing their jobs and that Twilight was being her overtly overly-cautious self, so he did as commanded whenever caught.

Today, though, was different. He had been given plenty of time to rest, and had been visited by everyone else. The Apples and Dash, Rarity, Pinkie, and even a few of the ponies from around the town who had heard the news paid him a visit the past couple days. They all came in with the same worried looks, and in spite of all his reassurances and jokes, they would leave just as concerned as when they had entered, if not more so. It frustrated him, though he understood why. The same question would always be brought up, and with it, the same resolute answer.

“Are you really going back out there?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“The war isn’t over yet.”

Ray sighed as he rounded a corner, ignoring the shocked look he received from a young mare who was walking down the hall. He had crossed paths with more than a couple of maids, but so far no guards. So long as he kept off their path, he should be able to find his way to where he was trying to go. His foot slipped on the smooth marble of a different hall, causing him to wince in pain and press a hand over his bandaged wound. Glancing down at the pristine white cloth, he growled in frustration at the pain.

Twilight had explained that she had done a good deal of healing through her magic, but much of that left the new muscles and repaired organ tender. From when they were changing his bandages, he could also see that the skin wasn’t quite resealed yet. The area of the cut had scabbed over by now, showing where the scar was going to form once it healed fully. As he had thought, the cut had dug its way through the scar on his stomach, removing it completely and replacing it with this new wound. He… didn’t know how to feel about it.

The scar was from a terrible time in his life, a punishment for choosing to give up a corrupted and wrong lifestyle. Yet it also had been the one last physical link he had to Earth, evidence marked on his body of his time and life in his native home. Now, the only evidence to his heritage was his unique body itself, and that really wasn’t much considering the likes of Discord and the Matriarch. Strange creatures roamed Equestria and lived among its inhabitants in every other town. Now, he was really just any other oddity in this strange world, the lone specimen of violence and skin in a world of peace and fur.

It was almost fitting then, that his scar had been removed during his struggle to defend such a place, as if fate or the Aspects were attempting to entrench him that much deeper into Equestria. Thoughts of Earth had already grown distant, almost grey in comparison to the vibrant, violent life he now lived. It was a difference so conceptually impossible that, for his own sake, he simply stopped trying to compare. There were too many differences between who was when he arrived and who he was now, too many differences between Earth and Equestria. It was no surprise, then, that he had come to this isolation, away from the soldiers who had become family and with the family who had grown into strangers as the war took its toll.

He wanted to change that, he truthfully did. Those early, happy months with the ponies, even with the occasional inconsistencies and challenges, were now what yearned most to return to. Working on the Apples’ farm, walking through the Everfree after dark, and talking with Fluttershy, Rarity, and Discord. Simpler, happier times. Instead, there was this. Isolation, pain, and loss. Garish dead and Adant growing distant and quiet. He wanted to talk to her again. He didn’t quite know why, maybe it was that connection with Garish or maybe it was simply to ease the sorrow, but he felt a need to talk with the mare.

Of course, that was impossible right now. He tried to keep his mind off it, since worrying would do him no good, but it was an unavoidable fact that he had abandoned the Fallen. Cowardice, even if intelligent, had possibly doomed to Fallen. There were endless possibilities for what could be occurring at that very moment, each one as terrifying and damning as the last. Now that his mind was on them, he couldn’t turn them away. His woes wouldn’t even end with a swift return, since he would have to face the judgement of the Fallen for his actions.

“Ray, what in Tartarus are you doing out of your room,” Discord demanded, suddenly appearing in the air before Ray.

Swerving around the draconequus without stopping, he answered over his shoulder, “Walking. Care to join me?”

“I would much prefer if you would stop,” Discord grumbled, though he landed on the ground and fell in step with Ray. “You should be getting your rest right now, not frollicking through Twilight’s castle. That would could still-”

“It’s not possible for it to get worse at this point,” Ray interrupted, giving the Lord of Chaos a side-eye. “Since when were you the one who lectured me?”

“Since I saw you inches from death, bleeding out on the floor,” he replied, once again deadpan.

“I know this is a rather serious topic, but why are you acting so… cold,” Ray probed with a frown.

“You almost died, Ray, do you not understand what that means?” When the only answer Discord received was a silent stare, the draconequus let out a frustrated huff before growling, “It means I felt your heartbeat slow to a crawl. I heard your breathing become shallow and saw your blood flow freely. I could feel you… I knew that… You were almost gone, Ray, forever.”

“I know that,” Ray quietly muttered, measuring his reply carefully.

“I’ve seen people die all around me Ray, for centuries, and having to live beyond that is the burden of eternal life,” Discord firmly continued, undeterred. “It’s what initially drove me away from order and life, drove me to madness. I would be friends with a pony their entire life, then friends with their children and grandchildren, until one way or another, two hundred years down the line, they either no longer cared or had all died off. I don’t know how many friends I have had, because no matter how hard I try, I can’t remember them all. Even those whom shared their entire lives with me faded away after only a few centuries. It’s worse when their deaths come early.”

“I know that, Discord, because I’ve seen it too,” the human reminded the draconequus, raising his voice in irritation. “I’ve lost one of my closest friends to this war, and seen his wife suffer firsthand that devastation as well. Don’t lecture me about loss. I’m becoming quite familiar with it.”

“But they aren’t,” Discord hissed angrily, staring Ray down in a way he’d never seen from anyone else before. There was anger, yes, but pain and intelligence too. “Think of what the kind of loss you suffer would do to the ponies who love you. They’re weak, Ray, even the strongest of them. Twilight’s first trial of her life will be watching those she first came to love pass on without her, leaving her on this world. It was Cadence’s first trial as well, one she barely passed. Luna never made it far beyond hers before becoming Nightmare Moon. Only Celestia has remained sane, even if the toll it’s taken on her has led to some wrong choices. Don’t you understand, Ray? If you died in such an awful way… the devastation it would leave behind now would be irreversible. I’ve seen ponies killed by heartbreak before. Don’t underestimate how much your death would hurt our friends.”

Ray didn’t have an answer to Discord, though thankfully they had reached where he was trying to find by now. Pushing the door open, he stepped into Twilight’s library and paused just inside the room, staring at the floor. The carpet was stained red in the center of the room, and from how large of a splotch it was, Ray finally began to grasp what the draconequus had been telling him earlier about his wounds. This was much worse than when he had been stabbed in Pittsburgh or in the Harkening. With a slow sigh, he sank to his haunches where he stood, staring at the bloodstain.

“I know you can’t control whether you live or die, but you need to be less callous about that fact,” Discord pressed, sitting down beside the human. “Your recovery is more than just a matter of being alive. Realistically, there’s no way you’d hurt yourself here, and you’re no longer in danger of your wounds taking a turn for the worse. It’s just important to the rest of us that we see you taking your health and care seriously. This… suicidal drive to endure and emerge victorious doesn’t give anyone, not even the CMC, a very strong hope that you’ll return after this is all over.”

“Y’know, I’ve talked with Twilight and Fluttershy at length about this,” Ray revealed, wrapping his arms around his knees as he pulled them into his chest. The motion hurt, but pushing through the pain, he relaxed again the wall, letting his head rest against it. “I don’t think I can return to Equestria permanently. This place, the ponies… my friends here… they’re all fantastic, but I can’t live in a fantasy. I’ve seen it now, firsthand, and felt it. War is… horrific. I’m numb to it, but I’ve killed dozens of minotaurs already. I don’t regret it, hell I don’t even really think about it all that much, but when I was venturing through the battlefield, all that I could see around me were the heaps of dead, mangled bodies in lakes of blood. It was like something out of the apocalypse, just death and destruction and carnage.

“Now, it’s looking like the war won’t be over before the anniversary of our invasion. A whole year of war. It’s passed by so quickly, hasn’t it? I’ve seen you all only ten times this year, including now. Waiting for it all to start was torture, yet endurable because I had you all by my side. Now, fighting this war, killing and strategizing and worrying and gambling with lives… I’m tired, Discord, and it hasn’t been a year yet. I’m not sure if the Fallen are able to endure another year of war. I’m not sure if I am. Even if we keep winning every battle, what good will it be if we can’t end the war. We’ll just be grinding ourselves down until, one day, the minotaurs overwhelm us.”

With a sad chuckle, Ray dropped his head against his knees, continuing, “Of course, we knew that was a possibility if the war droned on and on and on. We have no chance of winning a prolonged, bloody conflict. Four battles in ten months isn’t that much, but then again, three of them have been in the last three months. It just isn’t viable and there’s nothing that we do that seems to ever work, nor will it based on our track record. The minotaurs aren’t so dumb as I thought. We’ll be lucky if, in a few battles, they haven’t figured us out and taken advantage of how long we’ve overstayed our welcome. There’s no retreat though. Oh no, never a retreat. Have to keep what they need out of their hands, no matter the price. That’s where ideologies clash here, Discord. No matter the price, the Fallen have to win, even if that is without me. I guess now is the perfect time to test if they can do that, given that they think I’m either dead, a coward, or both.”

“Coward,” Discord questioned, craning his neck at the human. “How would you be a coward for saving your life?”

“I abandoned them and left them to fend for themselves, even if it was to keep myself alive,” he explained, not looking up. He could feel the tears beginning to form. Not sad, not angry, not anything, really. Just… tears that needed to escape. “I left as soon as my life was in danger without even giving a proper explanation. Even though it would have been a pathetic death, perhaps the best strategy was to die giving orders, a final act of strength and resolution against the minotaurs before my martyrdom.”

“Those are the exact words that I despise hearing from you, Ray,” Discord sighed, no longer angry. “I and the others… can’t think of you gone. Even with all the life I’ve lived, I’ve never lost a friend to war before. I was imprisoned in stone during Sombra’s wars, and before that most pony conflicts were well away from me. I’m a harbinger of chaos, not destruction. The two go hand-in-claw, but they aren’t happy partners. Destruction benefits from chaos, not vice versa. Sometimes, I would hear that where I went, shortly thereafter came destruction and war. Part of my self-induced isolation at first was out of fear of ponies… but then they hunted me down. So I decided I would make the world chaos and chaos alone, no room for destruction between the soap roads, cotton candy clouds, chocolate milk rain, and checkered sky. I was wrong then about how, but right about why.”

“Is that why you wouldn’t fight this war,” Ray asked softly, finally looking up at the draconequus’ strange, gray face. He saw the conflict behind the Lord of Chaos’ eyes as he struggled to find the right answer.

Finally, he answered, “There’s no chaos in death; death is an absolute. Once anything is dead, there is nothing chaotic about it. No, death and destruction are partners, while chaos and creation are the closest of friends. When something is created, there is an imbalance as it finds its place in the world and life. Likewise, an instance of random chance, a chaotic happenstance, can create any number of possibilities. Chaos breeds destruction when unchecked by creation. The imbalance of randomness can lead to someone getting hurt… by accident.”

“I see,” Ray said softly, nodding understandingly. Then, with a long sigh, he dragged his hand through his hair as he stated, “There’s also the Spectre somewhere out there, waiting to return. I’m sure it’ll target me first if it can, given how much I’ve stood against it.” The young man paused as his skin prickled at the thought of the shadowy beast. “When it returns, I don’t know if the Aspects will intervene again. I think they want to test me against my will, see if I can resist the Spectre or, if left alone, I’m too weak to matter against it. It is the next threat against us, after the minotaurs.

“I’m glad I’ve forgotten about it, but I think it would also enjoy if I remained ignorant of its return. Other than the Aspects themselves, I’m the only one that can fight back in any way. Even the Matriarch’s been cast aside by it with ease, and I’m certain if it wanted to it would kill her or anyone else that tried to fight it. Maybe not you, considering what you are. Discord the draconequus, Lord of Chaos.”

Looking up from the floor, Ray’s brows furrowed as he trained his gaze on his friend. Noting this, Discord glanced around the room briefly while Ray’s mind began frantically putting pieces together. Finally, concerned, the draconequus asked, “What is it, Ray?”

“You’re not an Aspect, are you, Discord,” the human inquired, almost in disbelief of his own question. It would be unbelievable that this entire time he had been in the presence of such a powerful, influential being this whole time. At the same time, it made so much sense that he was one. The vast lifespan, the unexplainable power and unlimited threshold to use it however he wished. Even the knowledge of balance and his place as the embodiment of chaos, if not Chaos itself.

“I… don’t know,” Discord replied honestly, maintaining eye contact with Ray. “I wasn’t born that I remember, but there has been no indication from anyone or anything else about the possibility of me being one. Twilight asked me the same thing not long after she learned about Aspects and the many variants and roles. The answer was the same for her then as it is for you now. If I am an Aspect, then I’m… well I don’t know exactly what it means for any of us, since I guess I’ve been doing an awful job being a villain, then a hero, then a passive citizen of the world. If I’m not, then I’m somehow some sort of harbinger of Chaos, considering there must be an Aspect for such an important facet of life.”

“Huh, well, it doesn’t explain much,” Ray stated matter-of-factly, “but it does mean that I potentially already have one Aspect in my corner.”

“That you do,” Discord affirmed with a gentle smile, resting a paw on the human’s shoulder. After a silent moment, the smile slipped away with the draconequus as his paw fell back to his side, eyes drifting to the bloodstain in the carpet as he muttered, “But we’ve gotten away from the whole point of this conversation, haven’t we?”

“I suppose,” Ray agreed reluctantly, once again resting his head on the wall. The pain in his side was beginning to sting viciously once again. “There’s no changing how the war must be fought, at least from a risk standpoint. So long as I’m in the Tauran plains, I’ll be in danger.”

“You could do better about accepting our concerns though,” Discord reiterated. “You could act accordingly as well.”

“I suppose that I could do,” Ray said with a grunt, before beginning to force himself to stand. The attempt was painful and slow, a jab of pain across his entire stomach almost making him buckle. With a slow hiss, he finished standing, looking down at Discord, offering him a hand. Even though he didn’t need to, the draconequus took it and allowed Ray to pull him to his… hooves. Sometimes the human forgot all the strange amalgamations that formed his friend.

Noting the large bloodstain in the carpet, the human said, “I feel bad about the carpet. I honestly forgot that it was… well, it wasn’t a top concern at the time, but now it’s all ruined.”

“Yeah, and I don’t think Twilight has the stomach to stay in here while it’s looking like that,” Discord agreed, also staring.

“Hey, can you go back to my house in Ponyville real quick,” Ray questioned, an idea popping into his head. “I never spent that much of the money I got from working on the Apples’ farm. I really only ever bought food and train tickets, so I probably have a couple thousand bits to spare.”

“Okay, I see,” Discord agreed, popping out of existence in an instant.

While the draconequus was gone, he allowed himself to digest their conversation, most importantly the admission that he could in fact be an Aspect. It changed the game for Ray if he was, considering that it meant Aspects could and would apparate into the physical plane if they so wished. If the Spectre was an Aspect, then that would mean it would just appear whenever it felt comfortable enough to. It hadn’t yet, possibly because of Discord’s presence. Either way, as with everything so far, it would be a blessing and a curse if it turned out Discord was an Aspect.

After another moment of deliberation, Discord appeared, and with him, hundreds of bits fell to the floor. They silently watched as some of them rolled to a stop, before Ray looked up at the Lord of Chaos with a quirked brow.

“There wasn’t really anything to hold them in,” he sheepishly explained with a shrug.

“That’s okay, Twilight will be thankful nonetheless,” Ray excused, before giving it another moment of thought. “Or she’ll be annoyed that I’m ‘wasting my money’.”

Discord chuckled at the assessment, before reaching out and grabbing Ray by the shoulder, floating to be at eye level with the human. “Now, I insist that you leave right this instant and get yourself some more sleep. I can see the way you cringe whenever you move even slightly.”

“Yeah, guess it’s about time for me to chug some flower juice and catch some sleep,” Ray admitted, looking down at the bandages around his stomach.

---

Twilight remained hidden as she listened to the sounds of Ray and Discord walking down the hallway, back towards his room. As soon as they were gone, she slipped into the library, nearly tripping over the pile of bits on the floor. It was more than she expected there to be, and while she was thankful for Ray’s thoughtfulness, it was also a minor annoyance. She had a personal allowance for a reason after all. Nevertheless, she rang a bell in the room with her magic to summon somepony to help her.

Standing still, just inside the doorway, she stared at the frequently mentioned bloodstain in the carpet. It was larger than she was, some of it snaking to under the sofa while another had flowed towards the hearth. She couldn’t unsee the blood that had stained her hooves, Ray’s blood as he lay dying right before her. He was alive though, she reminded herself, and she was alive because of her efforts. She had done the best she ever could. There was no reason now for guilt.

Except there was. Ray was only here because of her, and he was only in danger because he was fighting a war Twilight should have figured out how to avoid instead of chase. It was her fault he was suffering everything he had heard him describe, concerns and pains he would have never enclosed to her willingly. Discord was arguably his second friend in Equestria after Fluttershy, and he was the first to help him feel like a welcome outcast. Twilight hadn’t done anything to earn Ray’s trust for months. Quite the opposite.

Her concerns now, however, were diminished slightly at present. The stubborn young human was listening to Discord’s insistence and taking the value of his opinions, and that was all she needed. While completely accidental that she had come across the two of them, it did serve as an important reminder to her, one that had been bitterly portrayed these past few days.

Ray was strong. He wasn’t invincible.

Author's Note:

Yet another somber chapter. Sorry for the gloom. As always, though, questions, comments, and concerns welcome and wanted.