Equestria's Ray of Hope

by The_Darker_Fonts

Funeral

When Ray finally woke up, it was burning hot inside of the tent. Whether from his sweat or because he had left some water open recklessly, the inside of the tent was muggy, practically boiling him. Grimacing in discomfort, he sat up and gasped at the sight of his arm, momentarily shocked at the sight of blood. Then, it all rushed back.

The momentary bliss of ignorance was gone as aching returned, both to his body and his heart. They had fought yesterday, a battle in which an entire army and a half had been destroyed, and Ray had been there on the front lines. It was a real battle, with massive numbers on both sides, and many more casualties than before. They had absolutely clobbered the minotaurs, and their blood and gore still remained dried on his body. The cut on his back stung, his legs ached, but there was one undeniable fact that remained the most painful.

Garish was gone.

He had to keep leading, though, and had to keep doing what had led to their successes so far. Somehow. That part was the one thing he hadn’t been able to learn yet, how to move on from the loss of a friend, especially a close one. Taking a breath, Ray decided to take it one step at a time, standing up in his tent and regarding his sleeping mat. It was covered with streaks of blood, and taking a sniff, he realized both how awful the stench was and how much worse it would get. Sighing, he realized he would have to take a bath and clean his sleeping mat and thick loincloth, wasting valuable water.

Grabbing the mat and a small wooden tub which he could fill with water and fit into enough to wash off. Stepping out of his tent, he froze and looked around, bewildered. He knew it was late in the morning thanks to the heat and figured that, on Skalos’ orders, he’d been given the time to finally rest. What he didn’t expect was for his tent to be the only one on the top of the hill, overlooking yesterday’s battle and the end of the Big Face behind it. Blinking, he stared at the slow-rising slope of the Big Face.

The entire army had repositioned onto that hilltop, the camp already neatly organized and established in exact detail to the original plans. Frowning, he muttered a few curses at his generals for making such a tremendous move without him even being warned. Standing there, he set the tub and mat aside, placing his hands on his hips while he stared out at the camp. A low haze of dust slightly muddled the sight of it, activity easily visible as while the tents and supplies were in position, many of the smaller items and soldiers weren’t in their proper places yet. A row of ballistas faced out over the edge of the Big Face’s dropoff as if pointed to an unseen enemy.

With a flash of panic, he realized that the minotaur’s second army was more than likely out there still. Whipping around, he scanned the distant hilltops for any roiling dust clouds, the signal of an army on the move. However, it didn’t take long to realize that there was no movement, the enemy either encamped now or retreated. Exhaling in measured calmness, he slowly turned his attention back to his first task, feeling foolish. Of course the army wasn’t nearby, Skalos and the others wouldn’t have set up a new encampment if that was the case, and they definitely wouldn’t let him sleep through such danger.

“Oh, um, you’re up lordling,” a voice comfortably familiar suddenly exclaimed. Looking around for the speaker, slightly confused on how the Fallen soldier had escaped his gaze initially. Smiling, he saw Gaz and Axis approaching from the valley in which the battle had taken place. Speaking again, Gaz asked, “What’re you doing?”

“I was about to ask you the same thing, soldier,” Ray replied, settling the tub properly and moving to grab a small barrel of water stored in his tent. He had three, though this action would completely empty his second one. “Where were you two?”

“Just down the hill a little, Ray,” Axis answered casually, smiling softly. “Admiring our work from yesterday. We honestly thought you would have slept a little bit longer than you did. Sorry we weren’t here. Didn’t give you a lonesome fright, did we?”

“No no, you’re quite alright, my friends,” Ray assured the two, emptying the barrel into the tub. Pausing as he moved to take off his loincloth, he stated, “You should probably turn around though. I plan on finally washing this blood off my… well, everything.”

“Well heard,” Gaz confirmed with a bright chuckle, both Fallen turning. “In truth, Ray, we went down the hill so Axis could take a piss. I went with him ‘cause you and your tent smell like the insides of a stomach.”

“A bit concerning you know the smell so well, but I hear you,” Ray replied lightly, taking the loincloth off. It wasn’t really a loincloth, mostly because it was like thickly bundled underwear that went halfway down his thighs, a triangle flap of cloth giving his front and back end a bit more protection. It was light and didn’t constrict his movement, and perfectly comfortable as well in the heat of the Tauran plains.

He moved quickly, washing down in only a few minutes with the bar of “soap” that he had on hand. It was really a solid block of salt and butter, with some vanilla in it, homemade by AJ. Still, it got the job done surprisingly well, cleaning away the blood and gore and left him smelling… somewhat normal. With how terrible conditions were in the Tauran plains, however, smelling good was something almost as temporary as the thin clouds in the sky at the moment. Cleaned enough to not feel grimy, he did his best to use the dirty water to wash off his mat. Even though it wasn’t quite as clean, he could give it a dust bath to finish the job once it had dried.

All the while, his mind was racing as the events of the past two days were finally allowed to sink into him, settling uncomfortably close to the surface. Swallowing a lump in his throat, he took care to not let the now clean loincloth and cleanish mat hit the ground. Yesterday was something of an enigma to him, both a day of tremendous victory and horrible loss. On the one hand, it was an absolutely mind-boggling victory that he had just led his army to, the gamble he had made paying off a thousandfold. On the other hand, the small price it had cost contained Garish, one of his most treasured friends and one he had never thought to go down so early.

While technically they had been fighting this war for over four months, it was yesterday that they had truly begun the war. The day of the invasion was their bold proclamation that they would fight for Equestria and take the minotaur’s land to do so, but their message hadn’t been received. Yesterday was the day the minotaurs had seen that there was indeed an army in their lands, that their plans of conquest had not only been foiled, but horribly backfired. Since the minotaurs hadn’t even known they were fighting a war until yesterday, it seemed only realistic that now was the time Ray and his generals needed to be concerned about the true size, capabilities, and resources. They had expended their greatest weapon so far, surprise, and now the minotaurs may have the upper hand. It was their turn to decide whether the Fallen would continue on the offensive or play defensive now.

Glancing to the two soldiers that kept guard of him, he knew that this was one of many moving parts in the army Skalos didn’t want Ray to think about. These two were very public friends of Ray’s, as had Garish been, and by placing these two on his duty, it showed that both Ray grieved tremendously for the loss of Garish and the others, and that he relied on the Fallen for comfort to get through his loss. It was a publicity stunt as much as it was a genuine action of care, one that Ray was grateful for and despised. He hated having to play this psychological game with his own troops, constantly acting to show his true feelings, or showing false feelings to evade the truth. Yesterday had been torture, making so many uncertain decisions while still acting as if he was completely sure that they wouldn’t result in everyone being dead. He was just grateful that, in the end, only a couple hundred were gone. Still, that couple hundred hurt worse than he could have ever prepared for.

With his bath and cleaning complete, he set to work collapsing his tent and packing it all up. When Gaz and Axis moved to help him, he waved them off with a smile, though he did give them both an empty barrel to carry. Shrugging, they went back to talking about surprisingly interesting things Ray hadn’t picked up on before. While they were both friends of Ray’s, he guessed they really didn’t know about each other that well, or enough to be proper friends, at least. He idly listened in on Gaz’s story about the seapony mare who was waiting for him to return, a twinge of guilt at the connection to somebody else that may be ruined by the war. At the very least, it was a humorous story, and one he hadn’t heard before. The two seemed to be fast friends.

“Alright, gents, I’m about ready to go,” Ray announced as he slung his packed-up supplies over her shoulder, the barrel with water in it under his arm.

“Yeah, we were just waiting for you,” Gaz laughed, still uproarious from his own story. “Now let’s get to some real shade and a nice lunch, shall we?”

“I’m pretty sure you don’t need the lunch, my friend,” Axis joked, the equally comedic stallion bumping into the other Fallen for effect.

“Oh please, I’m two loaves of bread from fat, not one,” the Fallen declared. “And besides, with Ray here marching us around like cattle, I’ve burnt off at least a few pounds. I can’t come back home looking like an entirely different stallion! Gotta keep expectations just low enough so I can surprise Misty one day!”

“Excuses excuses,” Ray joined in, though they let the joke fall off before it got old. “Though I am rather hungry myself. Do any of you happen to know what’s on the menu for lunch today?”

“Biscuits just soft enough you don’t break your teeth on ‘em, but just hard enough to cut the roof of your mouth, I s’pose,” Gaz shrugged. “But hey, at least they taste pretty darn good. Much better than that soggy, mushy guck that we ate in the Harkening. Twilight spoiled us with these biscuits and such.”

“Can’t wait for the resupply though,” Axis admitted, sounding childishly whimsical. “I mean, that’ll be some fresh stuff, and rumor’s goin’ ‘round that she promised Pelios beans and dried fruits. Know anything about that sorta stuff, Ray?”

“And spoil the secret,” Ray replied with a knowing smile. The resupply was to happen the day that marked six months after landing in the Tauran plains, or when their supplies were projected to be down to a sixth of their capacity. It would be a massive undertaking, as it required a huge sunport with about a half-mile radius with symbols made of silver to keep it stable enough to get everything through in such a large area. The hardest part would be the sunport itself, but the manual labor of organizing, moving, and dividing the supplies among the armies was a headache he and the other upper command got to enjoy. The additional promised beans and dried fruits had only added to that headache, but he wasn’t about to reveal that to the two. “Lemme just say, regardless you’ll be cursing the food that’ll keep you alive for the following six months.”

“I’ll be damned,” Axis joked, earning a chuckle from Gaz as well. Ray snorted at the inside joke as well, one of many the Fallen used commonly now that they were less depressed and more expressive. Jokes and expressions about their situation had become more prominent, and frankly more hilarious, as the war began. It was as if the Fallen, even those had remained devoutly stiff, realized that they now had little reason to limit themselves. They were in the thick of it now, and any relief from the terrible truth and horrible suffering they were going to go through was welcome.

Just like that, they had finished walking the mile to the repositioned camp, passing by the first, empty tents. The haze of dust had only thickened as the movement of troops and supplies had increased, probably because of lunchtime and the need for food to be distributed. Many of the Fallen were more towards the center, either getting water, food, or orders on what to do next. If he had to guess, they were also probably promised an early time to be relieved of duty and go to bed thanks to the effort of the repositioning and momentous victory they had achieved yesterday.

Even walking through the empty parts of the camp, there was a lingering sense of joviality and pride. The Fallen knew they had overcome a mighty foe yesterday on a risky maneuver with the potential to end disastrously. They knew the massive undertaking they had gone through, marching all day and fighting halfway through the night. They knew they deserved a celebration, and Ray knew that as soon as most of them were relieved of their jobs today, a massive celebration was what he could expect. He looked forward to it, honestly, but he also knew that he was going to end up missing it, neither having the mood nor time for celebration. That was not the privilege of the generals, but of the soldiers.

He and the other generals would have to be stuck discussing future plans, strategies, and aspects of the previous battle that they needed to tweak. It was going to be yet another long day that would likely drag late into the night, but it was his duty. Besides, spending more time with Skalos and the other generals was something he did look forward to, and after the loss of Garish, a time he would begin to treasure. The stallion’s death, as tragic as it was to say, was teaching Ray the most valuable lesson yet: appreciating the time he had left with his friends.

Ray’s thoughts were interrupted as loud, almost deafening cheering suddenly erupted from in front of him. Blinking in surprise, he saw that Axis and Gaz were proudly leading him down the main path of the camp, straight towards the center of camp. Lined along the side of the path by the hundreds were Fallen, cheering, chanting, shouting, hollering, and pumping their hooves in support. Shocked, Ray paused, realizing exactly what he was witnessing for the first time.

All of this time, he had been focused on the large details of the battle, the immediate consequences, and the successes from a numerical perspective. He still felt guilty over the risk he had forced the Fallen to make, knowing how dangerous it was. He had the entire weight of Equestria’s future on his shoulders, and the fate of the world had blinded him from a profound truth. Now seeing the soldiers, hundreds in his immediate sight and thousands in total, cheering for him, their general, brought him back to blunt reality. Yesterday was a huge victory not only tactically, but from the perspective of the Fallen soldiers, it was an easy and much needed one.

They had gathered, potentially waiting for him, just to show their approval and gratitude to him for leading them to such a monumental victory. For once, Ray felt pride swell up in his chest, the hundreds of voices praising his decision finally putting to rest the indecision in him. Yes, there had been various costly risks involved in the decision, but the ultimate result had been something the Fallen had never seen in their lives before, nor could they have predicted. They had lost a third of the soldiers they had projected and killed minotaurs almost to the number of their army. And, incredibly, they had done that while also completing most of their original objectives. It was an unpredictable, nigh on perfect, victory and the first true testament to them that Ray was a general extraordinaire.

Slowly, Ray began to smile, nodding his head to the cheers and beginning to clap as well. Picking up his feet, he began striding through camp proudly, showing the Fallen how much he was emboldened by their love. All around him, he heard varied shouts of congratulations and joy, the army voicing the victory they had won. So many familiar faces cheering for him, themselves, and life in general couldn’t help but cause a more heated passion out of the young man. Reaching behind his back for his kharamh, he tugged it out from under the supplies and raised it into the air with the loudest shout he could. It was echoed immediately by the crowd, the cheer quickly breaking down into laughter just moments later.

Ray wanted to start yelling to them how proud he was at what they’d done, how they had overcome something almost impossibly difficult, but he knew that opportunity probably awaited him at the center of camp. So, grinning at the neatly lined up soldiers cheering and waving, he continued to move on. The further he went, the more Fallen he recognized. He caught a glimpse of Hammer to the side, smiling and cheering just as every other soldier did. It was only then that he remembered that they had lost so many soldiers. Yet here they stood, all of the Fallen clapping and cheering. They were reminding him that while he needed to honor their deaths, that time had already passed. Now was the time to celebrate what those lives lost had achieved.

With renewed vigor, he passed through the crowd, until he was suddenly near the center of the camp. The path led directly to a small, raised platform barely big enough for the five stallions that stood on it, awaiting his arrival. Smirking slightly as he realized Pelios would probably be booted off to give Ray room, he saluted the generals without halting, letting a casual formality be established. Both Kraven and Yarem relaxed their stances a bit, while Skalos and Harbor remained stalwart. Pelios, of course, had been cheering with the crowd when he arrived.

“It’s good to see you awake and cleaned, sir,” the stallion greeted with a grin, reaching out a hoof for an enthusiastic shake.

“You’re just saying that because I don’t smell like blood and guts,” Ray snorted, taking the stallion’s outstretched hoof, setting down the water barrel to do so. The crowd cheered at the shake, but if Ray had to guess, there wasn’t anything the crowd wouldn’t cheer about right now. The Fallen were eccentric and overjoyed, and it had spread easily to Ray.

“Doesn’t make it any less true,” Pelios laughed, stepping down the stairs as Ray had guessed. Ray laughed as well, turning to find Skalos holding out a paper to the young man.

“A speech we prepared for you, Ray,” Skalos informed him, smiling slightly. “If nothing else, use the numbers. Those will get them really rallying. They don’t quite know the numbers.”

“Thanks,” Ray nodded, leaning down and hugging the stallion without warning. Skalos returned it instantly, and for a moment, in spite of the adrenaline rushing through his veins, the young man took a moment to simply enjoy it. It was a moment for him, though brief, in which he could take advantage of the fact that his best friend lived, a moment to thank him for doing so. But it was just a moment.

Pulling away with a reassured air to him, Ray turned to face the audience of Fallen that stretched from inches in front of the platform to halfway out of camp. The crowd looked the same size it always had to Ray, the visual implication of how few they had really lost in comparison to the army that much stronger. A small lectern was in front of him, supposedly for the paper in his hand. Glancing down at it, waiting for the crowd to silence themselves enough to start talking, he memorized the numbers he saw. Then, smirking, he lifted the paper into the air and began talking.

“My soldiers, my friends, my Fallen,” he shouted, hopefully loud enough for the entire crowd to hear. “Yesterday, our war with the minotaurs began for real. We faced not one, but two exceedingly dangerous and ostensibly threatening armies. We marched our asses off for twelve hours, and at the end of it, I told you all to keep moving, to get ready for battle. Then, we did the impossible. We attacked our enemy. Soldiers, what I hold here is a summary of what we did yesterday.”

He paused, giving them a slight amount of apprehension before continuing. Eyes flitting one last time to the numbers, he declared, “Seventeen thousand, three hundred, and twenty minotaurs killed. Eight thousand by the infantry and spiderlings, some nine thousand from the archers. Infantry, step it up next time.” Ray smiled as a laugh rolled through the crowd. “We faced two armies, completely slaughtering the first army of over twelve thousand minotaurs and then, with the Matriarch’s help, the archers alone fended off an army of similar size to use, killing over five thousand. For perspective, soldiers, by these numbers each and every one of us killed at least one minotaur yesterday.”

The declaration caused a swift, proud cheer to escape the mass, proving Skalos had been right. As the cheering died down, however, Ray sobered up for the next part.

“My friends, with such a monumental and complete victory comes a terrible toll. Two hundred and twenty four of our comrades gave their lives so that we could have such an astounding triumph over evil. All who died were from the infantry. Today, we shall respect and honor their sacrifice and mark them as the heroes that Equestria forever lost. However, from now on, their lives shall also be celebrated, in memory and action.

“Action must be taken, my friends. We must remember what made yesterday the historic success that it will go down as and strive to repeat. We must learn from our mistakes as well. It will only through the individual actions we take in the coming days and weeks that this army will be able to replicate such a sound and unquestionable victory. Through each and every one of you, infantry or archer, private or general, accountability must be taken. The most important lesson we can learn from yesterday’s victory is in what was lost.

“Life is valuable. The lives of yourself and those around you are more meaningful than anyone will understand until it’s gone. I ask you now to take action to learn, grow, and protect yourself and those who are your comrades in arms. It is through the connectivity, love, and wisdom of this army that courage, strength, and ultimately victory will be achieved. We have done something nobody else in history has even imagined doing before, and if we wish to continue to be the seamless, respected heroes Equestria needs, then it is through our continued efforts to be smarter, stronger, and deadlier than the minotaurs that our goal will be achieved. This victory is ours today, and if we take the commanding lead the minotaurs have fumbled to us, we shall continue onwards until there is nothing left of the minotaurs but these damned hills!”

Pumping his fist in the air to mark the end of his speech, the crowd cheered along with him, an enthused and orderly cheer to encourage themselves to follow Ray’s instructions. Frankly, he didn’t know where the speech had come from this time, not out of need or concern, but out of the passion he now felt he had. He loved the Fallen, each and every one of them. That much he could understand. As they cheered, he realized for the first time how much that meant to him. His care for the Fallen almost tarnished his ability to comprehend the victory they’d won, even though the number of deaths was so small.

Letting his hand drop to his side, he stood watching the crowd for a few minutes, not knowing what exactly he should do given they were immediately beginning to disperse. So, he contented himself to simply watch and wait, the thousands of soldiers beginning small conversations that mixed and buzzed in the scorching air. Ray hadn’t even noticed how blazing hot the sun was today until now, even though he had probably been outside for a straight hour now. Finally turning around to talk to his five generals about what they might need to do today, he instead froze as he found a very familiar mare standing just inches away.

“Adant,” Ray breathed, kneeling down instantly to be eye-level with her. Her milky eyes were half-closed and she seemed to be drooping entirely, her gaze averted from him. The young man didn’t know what to say, his mouth opened slightly as he hesitated, grief and concern in equal measure washing away the feeling of triumph he had. Finally, he managed to softly ask, “I… what is it I can do for you?”

“Garish left behind a will,” Adant muttered, even softer than him. “I read it this morning, and… he has several requests. You’re involved in many of them.”

“Whatever it is, I’ll help,” Ray promised, reaching out and resting a hand on the mare’s translucent shoulder. Finally, her eyes flitted up to him.

“He said that you were one of the only creatures in Equestria that had come to understand him, almost better than he understood himself,” she recited, a strangely warm smile crossing her face as she added, “I was the other one. He wanted me to scatter his ashes wherever I thought was best, whenever I could. He did, however, want you to oversee his goodbye. In fact, he specifically requested if he did have to have some kind of funeral ceremony, you were to be the only speaker. He didn’t want to waste anypony’s time… not when there would be others who gave their lives as well.”

“Of course I’ll give a speech,” Ray confirmed, causing Adant to nod. Frowning, noting her distant demeanor still remained, he gently asked, “How’re you holding up, Adant?”

“I… I’m not… It’s just all so… painful,” she finally was able to get out, her voice shaky. “How did you overcome this, Ray?”

“I’ve never lost someone as close to me as Garish was to you,” Ray admitted. “I don’t think I have good advice this time.”

“But you’ve lost everything you had before, when you were first taken to Equestria,” Adant pointed out, looking away again. “How do you come back from losing everything as powerfully as you did?”

“Trust me, Adant, I did so through many, many mistakes,” Ray revealed, a tinge of regret striking through him as he remembered his reaction. “What I did was very unhealthy, and what I’m doing is still very unhealthy. My advice is to feel the pain, keep it close, but don’t let it absorb you. As soon as you stop feeling the pain of what you’ve lost, that’s when you’ve gone too far.”

Adant stared at him for a long moment as he fell silent, looking away himself. “You no longer feel pain for the family you lost, the world you were taken from?”

“I don’t think I ever truly felt pain about that,” he admitted sadly, shrugging. “I was more enraged that I had been pulled away from what I knew and was being forced to learn more. I had stopped seeing my family as nothing more than a mission and group of people who I needed to try and protect. But it is different with you, very different. I don’t know how you can even stand talking to me right now, after what I did got your husband killed…”

“You aren’t responsible for his death, Ray,” Adant declared so firmly that it caused Ray to glance back at her. “You did the right thing yesterday, and my husband wouldn’t have you thinking that he died because of you for one minute. I’m talking to you right now because it’s what he would want, for me to get it done and over with so I could keep fighting the cause we’re putting our lives into. I’m also talking to you because you're the person I trust the most after him.”

“It seems you’ve answered your own question then,” Ray replied with a rueful smile.

“Oh, so I have,” Adant muttered in surprise, before smiling genuinely at the young man, her pain dissipating for a moment. “Thank you, Ray. May I hug you?”

“You didn’t have to ask,” he replied, leaning in and giving his friend a tight hug. Somehow, in spite of what had been torn away from her yesterday, Ray felt as if the mare had become stronger. Their conversation had somehow turned into an impromptu therapy session for him, and he knew Adant had realized that as well. Yet, having such a barebones conversation with the mare, exposing one of the painful truths he’d come to know about himself in such a quick way, felt right. As much as Adant trusted him, he trusted her back, in spite of them having only been casual friends just the day before. It was only when he released her that he realized one more truth, another lesson he hadn’t been able to learn until he saw it in front of him.

The losses they were suffering only strengthened the bond between the Fallen.

---

The waning moon was only barely poking out over the dark hills when the ceremony finally ended. The area was lit dimly by the glowing of embers from the large fire and the bodies of hundreds of Fallen. In spite of the number, it was quiet. Not a solemn, mourning quiet, but a peaceful one that bid the dead one last, grateful farewell. Ray had asked his speech not to be recorded, the words to be private to the Fallen and them alone. It wouldn’t feel right for those in Equestria to hear such words on a topic they would never understand as closely as the Fallen.

He stood beside Adant at the edge of the Big Face, looking out over the moonlit hills, the golden grass shimmering silver. Silent tears dripped down her face as she held the cloth of ashes, but her face had a soft smile to it. Slowly, she reached out over the sheer cliff face and dropped the cloth.

It unraveled quickly, allowing the ashes to be freed into the wind. A tear slid down Ray’s cheek as he watched them being blown away, towards the east. Towards the coast. Towards Equestria.

The night was so peacefully quiet that, as he watched, he was able to hear Adant as she whispered softly, “Goodbye, my love.”

Author's Note:

This is first chapter I've ever written where I've needed to take a mental health break because I was on the verge of crying the entire time. In fact, I was going to have more to Garish's funeral and include Ray's speech, but I was too emotionally drained to do so and I didn't feel I could write something to fit the solemnity and seriousness of the situation. As always though, questions, comments, and concerns welcome and wanted.