In the fractured land of Equestria, hundreds of floating island scatter the sky's. Many factions reside in the sky's, but one of the most peculiar are the Storm Dragons.
Spike laughed. "No that was weirder, where did he even get the 'I'm going to be a grandpa' hat anyways?"
Rarity looked at the brand and remained silent. Spike looked at Rarity. "Yeah, that got your attention, didn't it?" Rarity nodded. "Do you now see that I'm not the same little dragon that used to follow you around?" Rarity nodded. "Were you really going to ask me out for dinner?
"Rarity nodded. "Yes."
Spike shrugged. "Sorry, but I got a nessfriend." Said Spike as he popped the fusion gem into the wing. Nothing happened, which was a huge relief to Spike. "See, we're not dead." But no one responded. "What, I thought we would all be cheering?"
Okay, I hate to be that guy but I'm gonna be brutally honest here and say that this chapter felt really, really rushed. The reconciliation between Spike and Celestia felt forced and doesn't feel genuine in the slightest. This is what it felt like to me:
Spike: You sent me away without a word five years ago and rarely contacted me!!!
Celestia: I did to protect you.
Spike: Oh, okay. I partially forgive you then.
It just seemed jarring to me.
I also feel that you introduced the Mane Six way too early in this story and so was having them be part of the team. Now I'm not saying that they shouldn't be but we have yet to see how the first five function as a team. My suggestion is dial it back a little, have the Storm Dragons do a couple of missions so the readers know what they can do then have them go to Canterlot.
I apologize if I sound harsh in my criticism but I think the previous chapters need to be rewritten a bit.
10134288 I get it but I’m planning on doing some in depth flashback chapter after the Canterlot ones. For 2 reasons the first is to show the girls how bad it can get with spike and crew the second is to give them a idea of how they operate, this is all going to happen during their first training session. As for the celestia bits that will make an appearance too. But Spike has been in life or death situations where it was either him or civilians or his crew.
That a is supposed to be an e. A quick way to tell, use the two in a simple sentence, one is like 'the merry laughter of children rang through the air' and the other is like 'she will marry him in two weeks time.'
twilight really has no bounders here. she would make a really bad aunt in the future.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough* *cough* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
LOSER, BARBIE GIRL!
#TEAMEMBERSPIKE
-read chapter, look at tags-
yep that is a sex tag, why did I not see that sooner
all in all a good show sir or ma'am
Ok that was hilarious and twilight passing out was the icing on the cake
That ending
Keep it up
Okay, I hate to be that guy but I'm gonna be brutally honest here and say that this chapter felt really, really rushed. The reconciliation between Spike and Celestia felt forced and doesn't feel genuine in the slightest. This is what it felt like to me:
Spike: You sent me away without a word five years ago and rarely contacted me!!!
Celestia: I did to protect you.
Spike: Oh, okay. I partially forgive you then.
It just seemed jarring to me.
I also feel that you introduced the Mane Six way too early in this story and so was having them be part of the team. Now I'm not saying that they shouldn't be but we have yet to see how the first five function as a team. My suggestion is dial it back a little, have the Storm Dragons do a couple of missions so the readers know what they can do then have them go to Canterlot.
I apologize if I sound harsh in my criticism but I think the previous chapters need to be rewritten a bit.
10134288
I get it but I’m planning on doing some in depth flashback chapter after the Canterlot ones. For 2 reasons the first is to show the girls how bad it can get with spike and crew the second is to give them a idea of how they operate, this is all going to happen during their first training session. As for the celestia bits that will make an appearance too. But Spike has been in life or death situations where it was either him or civilians or his crew.
This was a wild and hilarious chapter.
10134818
do you hear any news like samurai jack got a finishing season??
That a is supposed to be an e. A quick way to tell, use the two in a simple sentence, one is like 'the merry laughter of children rang through the air' and the other is like 'she will marry him in two weeks time.'
I'm noticing some common grammatical errors, please keep the "There, They're, and Their Rule" also known as the "To, Too, and Two Rule" in mind