Beer and Popcorn
I was as amazed as anyone when the first reports of some kind of mysterious portal opening, and actual aliens started entering our world. At first, they were met with fear and suspicion. The military wanted to seize them all and lock them away in laboratories, doing God only knows what kinds of experiments. But after a few weeks, when they showed no signs of hostility, (and because they were all so damn cute) fears subsided and we all got used to them.
Except me.
I wanted nothing to do with them. Sure, they fascinated me, for their existence proved we were no longer alone in the universe, but I have my own set of problems. I didn't want a bunch of freaky aliens thrown on the pile. So you can imagine my reaction when I went home one day, only to find one of them sitting on my porch.
I stopped and stared. Its head just barely reached my waist and had a multi-colored mane and wings! I hadn't been keeping up with the news after the first few weeks, but I didn't remember any of them having wings. I must have missed it. Anyway, after a few moments, I said, "What do you want?" The alien replied in its own language, and I didn't understand a word. I guess not all of them knew English, and this only furthered my irritation. I sighed and said, "Look, I can't understand you, but you're blocking my door. Buzz off." It (she? he?) moved aside as I took out my keys and went to my door.
As soon as I opened it, the alien pushed past me and went inside. "Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" It looked over its shoulder at me, and then started nosing around my house, going everywhere downstairs. I followed it to see where it was going, getting pissed at its audacity. As it bent over to rummage around inside my kitchen cabinets, I noticed the lack of male parts. So this had to be a female, which reminded me of my bratty little sister who used to bug the shit out of me.
It only pissed me off more.
I walked up to her and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck. "You're getting out of here. Now." I picked her up under my arm and carried her to the front door, opened it and tossed her out. "Beat it!" I then went back to my couch and flopped down on it. Leaning forward, I grabbed the remote and clicked on the TV. After idly staring at the screen for a few minutes, I decided to make some buttered popcorn. I'd just finished making it and had sat back down when I looked over at the front door and was just wondering to myself if I'd locked it. Suddenly, the doorknob turned, and she came walking back in like she owned the place!
"Bitch, I will slap you with my dick!"
She stopped and stared at me, while her ears drew back and her eyes got really big. Well, bigger. "Aw jeez, not the puppy dog eyes." I took a few moments and thought, while she really poured on the look, trembled her bottom lip and cocked her head to one side. Eventually, I sighed and waved her in. I wasn't made of stone. She smiled brightly, closed the door, then hopped up on the couch and settled herself next to me. I stared at her, while she stared at the screen. "Fuck it," I finally said to no one in particular, and just flipped through the channels. She then noticed the popcorn, for she stuck her muzzle into the bowl and began munching.
"Sure, help yourself. Why the fuck not?"
I slid the bowl over in front of her and went back to the TV. I could barely hear it over the crunching. I shook my head and looked down at her, still buried in the popcorn bowl. It was then I noticed she had some sort of tattoo on her butt, a cloud with a rainbow-colored lightning bolt coming out of it. It looked kind of cool, actually. But then, I realized the popcorn (what little I'd eaten) had made me thirsty, so my "guest" was probably the same. "Would you like a beer to go with your snack?" I asked, my voice dripping with sarcasm. She raised up from the bowl long enough to look back at me, crumbs and butter all over her mouth, then resumed eating. "I'll take that as a 'yes.'"
I got up from the couch and got two cans of beer, then set one down in front of her in the coffee table. I popped mine open and took a long slug. She stopped eating and stared at me, then at her beer, then back at me. I grabbed hers and popped it open for her. She got up and sniffed it, raised it in both hooves and took a tentative sip, then smacked her lips. Her eyes grew wide, then she threw her head back and drained it in several massive gulps. I guess she liked it. She then tossed the empty can on the floor and gave a huge belch. I was impressed in spite of myself. "Good hang time on that one." She used one hoof to point at my beer, then back at herself. That hint was pretty clear, even with the language barrier.
Six cans and thirty minutes later she was passed out on her back, all four legs splayed out, with her head on my lap, snoring.
Lightweight.
Even though I was still slightly miffed at the intrusion, I couldn't help but smile as I watched her sleep. That belly, slightly pudgy due to the beer, looked so scritchable! My hand raised, then I put it back down. I was fighting a losing battle. Finally, I reached down and gave her belly a good scritch. She paused in her snoring, then one back leg began kicking. I stopped, then the leg stopped. I started again, then the leg started again.
I am in complete control of this pony.
I stopped, then her snoring resumed. I took her head and lifted it, then gently eased myself out and away from her and stood up. She looked down for the count, so I guessed she wasn't going anywhere for a while. I sighed again and got a blanket. I draped it over her and went upstairs to my room.
It seems I have an overnight houseguest.
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This is a nice goofy little story. Good job my friend.
I enjoyed this first chapter.
I look forward to where this will go.
I would not mind having a pony suddenly appear in my apartment.
This is very similar to my experience with dogs (minus the beer, that is...): They stare at you and they whine making direct eye contact. Then, the very moment you vacate your seat on the couch they steal it from you and then nest themselves in giving you the smuggest grin and a yawn of satisfaction as they steal your seat.
continue ?
Love the concept and your writing of it!^^ can't wait to see more x33
Dang pones, always a-gittin' in amh house, an' eatin' mah hay!
*Alondro munches on hay*
I'm old, I need fiber!
As soon as I saw the story title, this song immediately came to my mind.
Behold the power of scritches!
DARPA researchers only want one thing and it's DISGUSTING.
I got a good chuckle from the scene where Rainbow experiences her first time drinking beer and then lets out a loud belch.
Makes me wonder if she'll get Applejack introduced to beer and then challenge her to a drinking contest?
What have you done?!
Nothing wrong with that.
Good premise!
I enjoyed reading it.
Right off the bat they're terrible guests, more intruder then guest really, and have no respect for the owner of the house. I hope this doesn't just end up with them all forcing their way into his house to take advantage of him with him just caving to it like wet tissue paper.
Nice story.
Annnnd that's where the Fiction begins.. we humans ain't smart enough to leave good things alone ;/
Why? You only like boys?
Cute
10172552
Well, it might be against the point of the story, but I think I agree.