[This is similar to a displaced fic don't read if you don't like] I awoke to the blaring of alarms and flashing of red lights to find myself changed and in one of the most powerful warships in the Milky way.
I really loved this, but don't force it please, and don't limit it, other then that, pretty good and I look forward to next chapter and how the mane six/seven react
10120404 I've decided that it's gonna be anime like in that it will be harem style but Spike is the first on the list since I feel he is left out too much. Also I'm not forcing anything I flew through writing the third chapter in less time than I thought I would need so I'm just going with the flow.
Also I'm releasing them as I finish them so you can get more story sooner or would you rather I wait and do planned releases?
"I love you Mom" I mutter out loud as I roll over and grab my tail in my basket next to Twilight's bed in the library before I open my eyes to find them misty as I recall my dream. My one true dream in all the world, to be able to call Twilight 'Mom' and be seen by her as her son. I feel a tear roll down my cheek as I feel that pit in my stomach every time I think about this topic and how I don't think Twilight sees me as what I am. Instead of seeing me as her son she sees me more like a little brother or cousin at best and sometimes when she forgets about me I fear she sees me as nothing more than her assistant.
"I love you Mom" I mutter out loud as I roll over and grab my tail in my basket next to Twilight's bed in the library before I open my eyes to find them misty as I recall my dream. My one true dream in all the world, to be able to call Twilight 'Mom' and be seen by her as her son. I feel a tear roll down my cheek as I feel that pit in my stomach every time I think about this topic and how I don't think Twilight sees me as what I am. Instead of seeing me as her son she sees me more like a little brother or cousin at best and sometimes when she forgets about me I fear she sees me as nothing more than her assistant.
I know it is difficult, but you are still wearing it with a Spike still in a baby dragon, you may have a problem because he is still a minor, so make him 18 years old with a body more for the transition from young puberty or adult , and Spike's sentinels have changed like that with the girls about him already wanting his protagonist who awakens the love that Spike and the girls feel for each other a bisexual or pansexual relationship, if you don't close the peak with other characters, If Spike doesn't want to have relationships with the other characters keep him sleeping in the basket (ridiculous puts in the basket that the series owes this idea ). Since you want to make a romance with sex you are here in this world I already understand your story but it is very incoherent of anthropological characters (with an appearance more than 50% or 70% humanoid) bipedal in all. better to review and edit or find an editor to help u. I'm sorry, your story has a potential, but it has a lot of incorient and confusing things.
10121016 Thank you for that detailed review/comment and indeed I need an editor. Also you have given me much to work with to improve my story, as is I sincerely hope you or someone like you will point out such things in the future with this or any of my stories. So I thank you for your time and effort to help me improve this story.
10189220 Well that's kind of what I wanted it to be like. To show how he is unstable in his maturity since he is still a young dragon but a teen compared to the ponies he lives with, they treated him as a young boy instead of the teen he actually is. Also he is of legal age for this fic pyshically but emotionally he is not mature enough for any real relations and any sexual stuff between our Commander and him will be a ways off.
Dude, don't force it, and don't limit it.
If you give them both sets of equipment, then you don't get to give them only one love interest.
I really loved this, but don't force it please, and don't limit it, other then that, pretty good and I look forward to next chapter and how the mane six/seven react
10120347
10120404
I've decided that it's gonna be anime like in that it will be harem style but Spike is the first on the list since I feel he is left out too much. Also I'm not forcing anything I flew through writing the third chapter in less time than I thought I would need so I'm just going with the flow.
Also I'm releasing them as I finish them so you can get more story sooner or would you rather I wait and do planned releases?
- MLP: FiM
- Sad
- Slice of Life
Twilight notices that Spike is having nightmares about his parents. to stop his deep depression, she does what she wouldn't think about doing beforeI know it is difficult, but you are still wearing it with a Spike still in a baby dragon, you may have a problem because he is still a minor, so make him 18 years old with a body more for the transition from young puberty or adult , and Spike's sentinels have changed like that with the girls about him already wanting his protagonist who awakens the love that Spike and the girls feel for each other a bisexual or pansexual relationship, if you don't close the peak with other characters, If Spike doesn't want to have relationships with the other characters keep him sleeping in the basket (ridiculous puts in the basket that the series owes this idea ). Since you want to make a romance with sex you are here in this world I already understand your story but it is very incoherent of anthropological characters (with an appearance more than 50% or 70% humanoid) bipedal in all. better to review and edit or find an editor to help u. I'm sorry, your story has a potential, but it has a lot of incorient and confusing things.
10121016
Thank you for that detailed review/comment and indeed I need an editor. Also you have given me much to work with to improve my story, as is I sincerely hope you or someone like you will point out such things in the future with this or any of my stories. So I thank you for your time and effort to help me improve this story.
This chapter is in need of editing. Spike sounded like a baby dragon at the beginning but thought like an adolescent teenage at the end.
10189220
Well that's kind of what I wanted it to be like. To show how he is unstable in his maturity since he is still a young dragon but a teen compared to the ponies he lives with, they treated him as a young boy instead of the teen he actually is. Also he is of legal age for this fic pyshically but emotionally he is not mature enough for any real relations and any sexual stuff between our Commander and him will be a ways off.
In this story I can tell twilight sparkle is not a morning pony