[This is similar to a displaced fic don't read if you don't like] I awoke to the blaring of alarms and flashing of red lights to find myself changed and in one of the most powerful warships in the Milky way.
Nodding my head I holster my weapon and turn to face the direction that they would be coming from as I thought about who it could be which was making me excited and wishing to fan squeal at the thought of meeting the main six along with Spike and probably Starlight.
There has been no previous indication that they were aware of what world they were on for them to be this specifically excited.
That aside, the pacing was much better, and I have several suggestions for names. The defaults for Commander Shepard are John and Jane, respectively, for male and female, so I would suggest something along the lines of Jo, which can be short for either Joseph or Joline, or Sam, for Samuel or Samatha. You know, something both neutral and generic.
10118712 In the first chapter there is the MC thinking about how she's read stories like what happened to her and if that wasn't clear I'll go and fix that up later.
Before I have a chance to explore the landing/crash site I hear EDI ping me before speaking "Commander the organics should be entering the site any moment I suggest putting away your weapon as they are unarmed and there are seven of them six of which I can tell are female while the shortest one is a male of similar species to yourself." Nodding my head I holster my weapon and turn to face the direction that they would be coming from as I thought about who it could be which was making me excited and wishing to fan squeal at the thought of meeting the main six along with Spike.
10118355
You click on the Sp button for spoiler.
There has been no previous indication that they were aware of what world they were on for them to be this specifically excited.
That aside, the pacing was much better, and I have several suggestions for names.
The defaults for Commander Shepard are John and Jane, respectively, for male and female, so I would suggest something along the lines of Jo, which can be short for either Joseph or Joline, or Sam, for Samuel or Samatha.
You know, something both neutral and generic.
10118712
In the first chapter there is the MC thinking about how she's read stories like what happened to her and if that wasn't clear I'll go and fix that up later.
Great work keep it up
If Spike hit on her, Rarity will be very cross.
Punctuation, anyone?