The Slayer didn’t say anything; but he walked up to her until he was a few feet away; and kneeled with his helmeted head bowed.
I like this. From the broken lore that I know, the subjects of Argent D’Nur would bow before their king not out of status, but respect. That respect comes from a king's combat prowess for they believed that a worthy king is one who can do battle victoriously. If you do not fight or hide behind your throne you aren’t worthy to be king.
rubs hands with malicious intent Mmmm, yes. Murder. Who shall we bring next? Perhaps Sanguineous? Or perhaps Leman Russ? Maybe even The Queen of Blades?
Anyways, gory and malevolent tendencies aside. Loving the story and can’t wait for some more Caribou curb stomping.
You got some good enthusiasm but there are alot of issues with this story. The paragraphs are almost all a single sentance, its flow is incredibly poor, word choice seems to be random at times, and there are some absolutely abysmal decisions that plague it.
With all that being said though, I implore you to keep on it. We all gotta start somewhere.
She remembered the pain they caused her and her sister not two days ago; and when the King took the Elements Of Harmony & sealed Discord to places unknown…
When did this happen did we redo the previous chapter cause discord took the elements and the king can't reach them
Ah~ slayer having a difficulty with his emotion is nice change of pace, with Celestia as a target of interest for him is a nice choice and the possibility of *squel* Luna and Chrysalis together is making me happy. Now the hellwalker and Demon are now working together, these two titan shall leave behind a trail of death and destruction, to those who stand in their way shall only know fear.
This chapter was fun, but here's my two cents of advice: - Try to pace yourself a bit more, particularly the ships. They felt a bit too on the nose in this chapter. While the Slayer contemplating the possibilities of a life free of fighting was a nice touch, the SlayerxCelestia and LunaxChrysalis bits felt a bit too sudden/forced. At least let their interactions develop a bit more. - Try not to overload the story with crossovers. Doomslayer and MC are fine for now, let us get used to them before you start throwing in more (and I dare to say you shouldn't unless you plan for them well in advance).
10067987 WhalenJP is already planned just to be those two, the Master Chief and Doom Guy adding more will be messy for WhalenJP, the only thing that bugs me about this chapter is that the author forgot the cole protocol the ship is in a hostile land.
The doom slayer and the master chief been together there are few beings that can face them. Now we only have to wait if there is another ally for this war, a Warhammer character could make an interesting contrast.
this one might be a bit obscure, but can we get the main character of Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey in here? We got two space marines already, might as well go for a third!
10068371 If the author did add one more character and is a 40k space marine, which chapter will it be and it must be green and will not burn the world?
10069850 The salamander chapter would be the best option, they are loyal to the empire but they maintain a high sense of protection for the weak and innocent, in addition to being able to consider the ponies as a kind of abhumans and avoid purging the entire planet. Or maybe the legion of the death guard could apply as false allies to try to destroy the elements of harmony and extend the will of the ruinous powers. Those are just a few simple examples but I think it can be done better.
The Slayer stood up from his small metal chair that was provided for him by Celestia, for which he was really grateful of that; and slipped on his helmet.
I thought he actually slipped on his helmet like a fuckin banana peel lmao
Very well done. I hope you continue this until the end.
I like this. From the broken lore that I know, the subjects of Argent D’Nur would bow before their king not out of status, but respect. That respect comes from a king's combat prowess for they believed that a worthy king is one who can do battle victoriously. If you do not fight or hide behind your throne you aren’t worthy to be king.
rubs hands with malicious intent Mmmm, yes. Murder. Who shall we bring next? Perhaps Sanguineous? Or perhaps Leman Russ? Maybe even The Queen of Blades?
Anyways, gory and malevolent tendencies aside. Loving the story and can’t wait for some more Caribou curb stomping.
You got some good enthusiasm but there are alot of issues with this story. The paragraphs are almost all a single sentance, its flow is incredibly poor, word choice seems to be random at times, and there are some absolutely abysmal decisions that plague it.
With all that being said though, I implore you to keep on it. We all gotta start somewhere.
10067584
Queen of blades sounds fun.
10067751
The problem is that I never played StarCraft that much for good enough Intel.
Although... It DOES sound like a good idea...
10067628
Trust me, my writing was WAY worse before I started writing fanfics.
Rip and tear!
When did this happen did we redo the previous chapter cause discord took the elements and the king can't reach them
Ah~ slayer having a difficulty with his emotion is nice change of pace, with Celestia as a target of interest for him is a nice choice and the possibility of *squel* Luna and Chrysalis together is making me happy. Now the hellwalker and Demon are now working together, these two titan shall leave behind a trail of death and destruction, to those who stand in their way shall only know fear.
This chapter was fun, but here's my two cents of advice:
- Try to pace yourself a bit more, particularly the ships. They felt a bit too on the nose in this chapter. While the Slayer contemplating the possibilities of a life free of fighting was a nice touch, the SlayerxCelestia and LunaxChrysalis bits felt a bit too sudden/forced. At least let their interactions develop a bit more.
- Try not to overload the story with crossovers. Doomslayer and MC are fine for now, let us get used to them before you start throwing in more (and I dare to say you shouldn't unless you plan for them well in advance).
Que in the Doom And Halo 2 theme!
The Doom Slayer and the Master Chief... in Equestria. I need 80s Action Movie one liners.
derpicdn.net/img/2019/6/11/2063078/full.gif
10067987
WhalenJP is already planned just to be those two, the Master Chief and Doom Guy adding more will be messy for WhalenJP, the only thing that bugs me about this chapter is that the author forgot the cole protocol the ship is in a hostile land.
10067796
Not in this story.
The doom slayer and the master chief been together there are few beings that can face them.
Now we only have to wait if there is another ally for this war, a Warhammer character could make an interesting contrast.
this one might be a bit obscure, but can we get the main character of Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey in here? We got two space marines already, might as well go for a third!
10068371
If the author did add one more character and is a 40k space marine, which chapter will it be and it must be green and will not burn the world?
10069850
The salamander chapter would be the best option, they are loyal to the empire but they maintain a high sense of protection for the weak and innocent, in addition to being able to consider the ponies as a kind of abhumans and avoid purging the entire planet.
Or maybe the legion of the death guard could apply as false allies to try to destroy the elements of harmony and extend the will of the ruinous powers.
Those are just a few simple examples but I think it can be done better.
moar?
Now that's teamwork! i.redd.it/rnjqde9o7ua11.png
Is Chief still in the GEN 1?
Now all you're missing is Ranger from Quake and let the bullets fly!
Great work!
Rip & tear!
FOR THE EMPEROR!! FILTHY DAEMONS!
You should add a space marine. Lol
I notice the story description has changed, replacing John Grimm with Isaac Clarke. Interesting.
Now I'm wondering if the princesses and the marines are going to walk in on a pissed off engineer literally stomping on demons/caribou/necromorphs in a blind frenzy.
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/00a39d76-6aa9-42ee-8712-841274b95a38/d30xi9u-8707f7c0-42f3-4385-9d3e-043dc0a000c8.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzAwYTM5ZDc2LTZhYTktNDJlZS04NzEyLTg0MTI3NGI5NWEzOFwvZDMweGk5dS04NzA3ZjdjMC00MmYzLTQzODUtOWQzZS0wNDNkYzBhMDAwYzguanBnIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.O8ekJ6TdAEsVkrqb4d_04_GOqo7S0jDi-x1WvN1tk2g
That'd be a fun introduction.
I thought he actually slipped on his helmet like a fuckin banana peel lmao
Hand shakes are done with the right hand, not the left.
I think I just died and went to heaven after reading this sheer badassery
10376853
I'm with ya
10094258
Oh I sware to GOD if the author put a space marine in the story I'll be going to heaven
10082608
Don't forget about gears of war