Ok author. Listen here. Do some Deus Ex Machina bullshit and heal Luna. Or I'm gonna invoke Slaanesh and Nurgle on your sorry pale ass, and afterwards, when they are done with you, your remains gonna be sent to Khorn as a fuckin' doormat just shortly after he gets raging chain-axe boner from all that hate doom guy in producing so he's a bit more comfy.
10020182 Ok. Thanks. I'm satisfied with that. But until you do so. I'm gonna hate you with burning passion as no one does that to Luna. Or maybe because I'm a bit too obsessed with Luna ships lately... Nah, it can't be that.
" Rip and Tear them to bits for us, and enjoy causing as much damage as you can.” She declared, which made Celestia and Luna to feel slightly queasy at the malicious aura the creature seemed to give out at those words.
this chapter while still entertaining was kinda hard for me to read mainly during the battle because of your use of such exact measurements. A couple examples when he approached the warleader and instantly knew he was 6ft or how the slayer ran exactly 55mph (or Rainbow Dash's top speed is 60mph when it's much higher seeing as she can break the sound barrier) and I guess the hardest part to read was the exact number of pellets his super shotty fire. I still like the feel of this story but having exact number and breast measurement makes it hard to suspend my disbelief when simple descriptions would work like faster then humanly possible for his running or large and shapely for the breast. Overall I enjoy the energy of the story so far but careful with turning a fight scene into a Death battle analysis.
A couple things. It was a good chapter mind you, I thought it was interesting.
1: you went from a platoon to a company in the span of a few sentences. you need to maintain consistency.
2: A company sized element is anywhere from 80-150 soldiers (Unless in training but this is a combat unit.)
3: Your company sized unit could be considered a battalion with it having enough soldiers to comprise 3 companies. A battalion is 3-4 companies lead by a LTcol.
4: To break the sound barrier you need to be moving at least 770 miles an hour.
Once again, a fun chapter to read. Just some minor military stuff was off
DONT FUCKINNG DO THIS TO ME!! HEAL HER WITH YOUR MYSTIC BULLSHIT POWERS!! LUNA!!! LUUUNNNAAAA!!!!!!
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!!
Ok author.
Listen here.
Do some Deus Ex Machina bullshit and heal Luna.
Or I'm gonna invoke Slaanesh and Nurgle on your sorry pale ass, and afterwards, when they are done with you, your remains gonna be sent to Khorn as a fuckin' doormat just shortly after he gets raging chain-axe boner from all that hate doom guy in producing so he's a bit more comfy.
PS.: Have a good day friend :).
10020176
Oh trust me... I plan on doing something for Luna... But that's for me to know, and you lot to FIND OUT.
10020182
Ok. Thanks. I'm satisfied with that.
But until you do so. I'm gonna hate you with burning passion as no one does that to Luna.
Or maybe because I'm a bit too obsessed with Luna ships lately... Nah, it can't be that.
Still. Love this story so far. Cheers mate.
Not three word.
10020212
whoops, lemme fix that real quick!
10020229
Ok! I think it's fixed.
10020232
Thx for catching that!
when reading from this moment in my head the music began to play automatically
https://youtu.be/4_FcybvR6rA
10020116
AND SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!!
10022163
*off in the distance* KHORN FOR THE KHORN FLAKES
this chapter while still entertaining was kinda hard for me to read mainly during the battle because of your use of such exact measurements. A couple examples when he approached the warleader and instantly knew he was 6ft or how the slayer ran exactly 55mph (or Rainbow Dash's top speed is 60mph when it's much higher seeing as she can break the sound barrier) and I guess the hardest part to read was the exact number of pellets his super shotty fire. I still like the feel of this story but having exact number and breast measurement makes it hard to suspend my disbelief when simple descriptions would work like faster then humanly possible for his running or large and shapely for the breast. Overall I enjoy the energy of the story so far but careful with turning a fight scene into a Death battle analysis.
A couple things. It was a good chapter mind you, I thought it was interesting.
1: you went from a platoon to a company in the span of a few sentences. you need to maintain consistency.
2: A company sized element is anywhere from 80-150 soldiers (Unless in training but this is a combat unit.)
3: Your company sized unit could be considered a battalion with it having enough soldiers to comprise 3 companies. A battalion is 3-4 companies lead by a LTcol.
4: To break the sound barrier you need to be moving at least 770 miles an hour.
Once again, a fun chapter to read. Just some minor military stuff was off
My god just beginning and one of the main cast died. I’m loving this story.
Rainbow breaks the sound barrier when ever she's at her top speed
10345943
Oh that would be f***ing terrifying