The Dragon's Notebook

by Arby

Retiring

“What do you mean we have to see Spike and Princess Celestia?” Rainbow asked, trotting through town with the other three.

“You're right. I need to speak to Shining Armour, first in regards to missing ponies,” Twilight stated.

They began cantering towards the library before spotting Shining Armour coming up to the tree house. Twilight then galloped to her brother, stopping right in front of him.

“Yes, Twilight?” he asked, attempting to walk around her.

“No, don't go back to the library. I don't want Spike to be involved,” Twilight responded, pointing to another part of town.

Shining Armour looked, shrugging in confusion. Twilight quickly galloped towards the Carousel Boutique with the other four following. Making way to Rarity's bedroom, Twilight practically dove into the floor before looking at her notes one more time.

“Shining Armour, you gave me a list of ponies missing on my behalf, and I asked you to get information from several civilians in Ponyville, and hinted that you should direct questions to the topic of Rarity. Did you?” she asked, looking through all of her notes.

“Um, yes I did. I haven't looked at them since they're about Rarity,” he said, levitating a few envelopes from underneath his armour.

Twilight snatched them and tore them open, muttering a thank you as she distributed them between the ponies present. Twilight looked up at the others to see their waiting expressions.

“Mention anything regarding Rarity in terms of criticism and/or praise, no matter how small,” she demanded. They nodded, and Twilight cleared her throat. “Please.”

The group started reading through the data, slowly and carefully. Twilight was the most concentrated, staring at the paper with a fierce glare. She scanned each word she wrote over the past few weeks while her friends and brother took much longer.

“Two colts praised Rarity's looks. Age is no older than Sweetie Belle. Went missing months ago,” Pinkie responded.

“One mare declared Rarity to be a drama queen,” Rainbow snorted.

Rarity glared at Rainbow quickly before looking down at the sheet. “Three stallions commented crudely regarding my appearance before, strangely, leaving the park they were in and haven't been seen since,” she said.

“A stallion went missing four days after he stated his negative opinion on Rarity's dresses,” Shining Armour said.

Twilight opened her mouth and immediately closed it, looking at her file. Looking up to the others, she spoke. “Wait a minute.” The others looked at her. “Rarity, what was that you said?”

Rarity looked at her book nervously for a second. “Um, I said three stallions had made a crude comment regarding my physical appearance before leaving the park right after, and they haven't been seen since. They headed towards the Everfree Forest,” she said.

Twilight closed her notebook and put her list of comments down. “Shining Armour, I want you to have your guards comb parts of the forest that are safe,” she demanded, standing up.

He chuckled. “Hey, who's captain of the Royal Guard here?”

Twilight walked by without so much as a glance, the data in tow. “You are, so prove it and mobilize your troops, please.” She quickly opened the door and went downstairs.

The others got up and followed her. She trotted out the door and turned towards the Everfree Forest. Rainbow flew up next to her while the others cantered. Shining Armour took a different direction towards Town Hall.

“Hey, where are you going?” Rainbow asked. “Wait, you're going to Fluttershy's house?”

“Yes. She could have seen them, and if not, we can get her to communicate with the animals to find the bodies. If we can confirm that they're dead, and together, we may have another potential murder on our hooves,” Twilight said. She looked up to Rainbow. “Fly to Fluttershy's house and quickly ask her. Do not let up, even if she doesn't want to talk about it. This is important.”

“Got it!” Rainbow replied before speeding towards Fluttershy's cottage.

Twilight looked at Pinkie Pie and Rarity. “Rarity, could you go check on Spike for me? I'll...” She stopped, shaking her head. “No, as much as I'm sure Spike thinks low of you and I right now. I have to steer this investigation forward, and you going could potentially put Spike in danger.” She exhaled as they ran down the path towards Fluttershy's cottage.

“And if this is murder at play, and if my son is killed, I will relentlessly hunt down the one responsible, and kill him myself,” Twilight growled.

The three of them slowed to a trot as Pinkie Pie and Rarity exchanged uneasy glances and looked ahead. Twilight stopped in front of the bridge near Fluttershy's cottage. She looked back to Pinkie Pie, nodding.

“I'm counting on you to make sure Spike is okay, Pinkie,” she said.

Pinkie didn't respond immediately, but a bright smile grew on her face and she nodded.

“Okie doki loki!” she exclaimed, turning and bouncing into Ponyville.

Twilight smiled, and quickly crossed the bridge. “C'mon, Rarity. Let's see how Rainbow fared,” she said with Rarity following closely.

They knocked on the door, which was opened by Fluttershy. She bore a solemn look on her face, but she knew why they were there. Rainbow was in the background, sitting on a couch, rubbing the back of her head.

“Come on in, girls,” Fluttershy said, stepping out of the way.

The two outside stepped in, closing the door behind them. They were greeted by the typical scent of an animal-traffic area and quickly sat down on the couch next to Rainbow. Fluttershy paced around in front of the table.

“Rainbow told me what's going on.” She looked at the three on the couch, shivering slightly. “Even if I'm scared, if this would help keep Spike and others out of danger, okay. I'll do it,” she said, looking to the animals in her home.

“I'm so sorry to bring you into this, Fluttershy, but this is too large for us to handle normally. It's definitely not a coincidental string of accidents, but a chain of murders. I'm so sorry, and I'm very thankful for your cooperation, Fluttershy.” Twilight stood up and walked to Fluttershy.

She set a hoof on Fluttershy just as her head drooped and she started shaking. She was sobbing, and Rarity and Rainbow quickly jumped up and hugged Fluttershy.

“I'm so s-sorry for being scared. I'm so sorry!” she cried, quickly wiping her tears away.

“It's alright, Fluttershy. All of us are in danger since we even know Rarity, and are in danger moreso since we're actively searching,” Twilight said.

“And as I said before, if anypony attempts to hurt you, I'll rip them to shreds,” Rainbow exclaimed.

“Ditto,” Rarity said.

Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity proceeded back to Town Hall where the met with Shining Armour immediately. He explained that his guards were searching for missing ponies, and nothing more.

“Twilie, how'd things go with Fluttershy?” Shining Armour asked.

“She cooperated pretty easily, according to Rainbow Dash. She's got her animal friends to scour the forest in search of the missing ponies. If we find other missing ponies, that's a bonus, but I'm concerned about the three missing ponies mentioned. If we discover them dead, together, and use what we know to discover the time of death, we can confirm one thing,” Twilight said, smirking.

“Creepy, confident Twilight grin is good news. That, or you've snapped. Go on, Twi. 'splain,” Rainbow said, leaning towards Twilight.

“We can confirm that it's the killer book of legend at play, and that makes discovering the culprit a hundred times easier. We can use the method of murder to zero in on the one responsible,” Twilight said.

“The killer book? How did you deduce that?” Rarity asked.

“The coincidental deaths all relating to an accident, and relating to Rarity is too precise for Tarot cards and if those three stallions really did die in the same area, we can use that to back up the theory that it was somepony writing their names down, and following several of the legends, is able to specify the details of death.” Twilight tapped her notes on the desk. “All that's happened up to now as well as the scenarios planned in my head... it's an eighty percent chance that it's the killer book, and again, we can use what he know, including the fact that most of the victims were involved with Rarity, to execute a plan I have.”

“Spikey, c'mo~n, don't ya wanna play Jenga with Pinkie?” Pinkie asked, slapping a box down on a table.

“No, I don't want to play any games Pinkie Pie,” I replied, slapping the box off the table.

“Well, aren't we being a grumpy goose today! We're gonna have to fix that,” Pinkie said, reaching behind her to reveal a game of Candyland. She slapped it on the table, and I sighed, resisting the urge to incinerate the table. “C'mon, frowny pants! Just one game?”

I shook my head. “No, Pinkie. I don't want to play any games. I just want to read a bit, maybe go help Rarity with a dress.” I bit my lip. “I want to hang out with my mother for once, I don't want to be stuck in this crummy old library, alone, for another stupid day.” I stood up.

“I WANT MY MOTHER, PINKIE! I don't want any lies, I want to see her. I don't care if I have to fake a letter from Princess Celestia and come up with some year-long assignment. I don't want to be ignored anymore.” I slammed a fist onto the table. “She keeps running off with Rarity, doing Celestia knows what, ignoring me at home, and I...”

Once more, the paranoia struck my nervous centre. I didn't even see the look of pity and sadness on Pinkie's face, or her bouncy attitude deflating. Like the whiny baby I am, I started crying once more. “I killed somepony, and she doesn't even care!” Somepony? White lie. I've killed many, but it's starting to reach it's peak.

The murders were the start. I couldn't keep it up forever, could I? Killing others? Certainly not, but was it worth it in the end? I could have let Rarity sort it out and learn her lesson hard, and that's the best way to learn lessons. I could have left her to seek her lover out on her own, and love him with all her heart until the scumbag broke her fragile little heart. She was tough, but was letting her be hurt worth it? What about any of this was worth it? The Death Note has driven me over the edge ever since I found it.

Twilight could be the one investigating the murders. She could be piecing together that I'm behind it. Would she love me then? Or would she cast me to the side? It's a laughable thought that I could maintain my sanity, Twilight's love, protect Rarity, and expect to get off scot-free. This isn't a perfect world, or else I wouldn't have had to kill anypony.

But the thing is, Twilight was my mother. She would protect me through anything, and everything. She was the most loving parent in all of Equestria, and if she found out what I'd done... whether or not she hated me, or wanted me dead, I'd get on my hands and knees and beg for forgiveness. I'd apologize until she forgave me, anything to earn her respect. I couldn't get the image of Blackhoof's death out of my head. It was getting worse and worse, and I was finding sleep more of a chore than time to recharge my energy. I hated it, and I hated what I had become.

This wasn't the Spike my friends knew and loved. The Spike who cracked jokes about silly names when affected by Poison Joke, or the one that fought against the Diamond Dogs. This Spike... me, is a murderous bastard that can't save anypony with his own power, and plunged his friends into depression, chaos, and death. My own mother was working her hardest to take me down.

I slammed both fists onto the table top over and over again, crying like a lost foal. Twilight could have been working her hardest to bring me to justice,

“Silly, you didn't kill anypony! It was only an accident. Nopony blames you for what happened,” Pinkie Pie responded, trying to lighten the mood with a laugh.

I shot up to my feet and pointed accusingly at her. “THEN WHY DOESN'T SHE LOVE ME ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF ME!?” I shouted, not understanding my volume.

It dawned on me then how tall I was, since I stood taller than Pinkie Pie. I grit my teeth, growling as the tears flowed down my face. I let out several aggravated screams, and I looked down. I crouched and swung an arm out, grabbing an edge of the small table, and I flung it across the room to Pinkie Pie's shock. I spun around and staggered to the stairs leading to my bed. I couldn't even see where I was going due to the tears and how much I swayed. I fell on the staircase, and curled up once more.

“Mommy, stop it,” I muttered, trying to wipe my face dry with my arms.

Pinkie galloped across the room and looked down at me sympathetically. She sat down on the stairs and lifted me, holding me in her forelegs. I didn't fight back or scream, letting her have free reign. I choked out sobs while I struggled to refrain from screaming.

I killed them all! It's not worth it! None of this was ever worth it! Rarity could protect herself! I gave up my life for no reason! NONE OF IT WAS WORTH IT! My mother is going to hate me! She's going to kill me! No, she'll watch me die! I'm going to be executed! She said she'd protect me! SHE LIED!

I continued arguing with myself in my head, comforted slightly by Pinkie Pie's attitude. It was peppy, bright, cheery, and showed no depression. She wanted me to smile, and she wasn't going to leave me until she did. A damn good friend if I ever saw one.

“I'm sorry, Pinkie! I'll play Candyland with you. Using Jenga pieces,” I said, pushing myself to my feet.

“It's fine, Spike. You shouldn't keep your feelings bottled up like that, because bottles are glass, so when they burst, shards fly everywhere and then you have to spend five minutes cleaning up when you could be playing,” she said, cantering across the room to pick up the table.

I looked over at my bed, reminding myself of why I just broke down. I looked away and sighed.

“Could we play downstairs?”

“They've found the three stallions, together, in the Everfree forest. Fluttershy's animals found the bodies and the Royal Guards retrieved them,” Shining Armour said.

“Excellent. The date of death?” Twilight asked, looking at medical records on the three.

“Either the same day or the day after they disappeared.” Shining Armour slapped the report on their deaths.

Twilight would have smirked if it weren't for the subject. “Bingo.” She slapped the notes onto the table.

Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Shining Armour, and Twilight all surrounded the table. Twilight sighed, looking at the stacks of notes, documents, records, files, and other things lying at the table.

“This is murder, the murder book is involved, and now, we have to find out who is behind it,” Twilight said.

Pinkie Pie slapped her hoof on the table, startling the others.

“Twilight, I need to speak with you seriously. Spike has cried his heart out yesterday because he still believes that he killed Golden Shutter, and thinks that is why you're ignoring him!” Pinkie exclaimed angrily. Twilight's eyes widened and she sat up in her chair, looking at Pinkie. “He thinks that the reason you and Rarity aren't seeing him is because you blame him for murder. I will not stop until you promise me that little Spikey will be your first priority!”

Twilight sighed, resisting the urge to sob at what was said. “He is, Pinkie. I'm working so hard, because Spike is close to Rarity. Closer than most others that have passed since the start of this fiasco, putting him at the most risk. We can't have him and Rarity interacting too much,” Twilight said, leaning her head onto the table.

“This isn't about Spikey and Rarity, this is about Spikey and Twilighty! You're ignoring him, hiding behind 'I'm protecting him' to justify ignoring him! I don't ever want to see Spike as sad as he was yesterday. He...” Pinkie paused, thinking. “He looked worse than when you went all cuckoo over Friendship Reports!”

“Pinkie, I-”

“No interruptions! You're ignoring your son, leaving him home alone all the time, and you expect him to be fine, or suck it up and accept that his mother keeps leaving and won't tell him why? Be a smarty smart pants, and talk to him after this!” Pinkie shouted, slamming a hoof onto the table again.

Twilight exhaled. “I understand. I'll take a break tomorrow, since we've made a major breakthrough. We only need to instigate my plan, and we'll have the one responsible for this fiasco.”

Sitting home alone was boring beyond belief. I sat, coloured, made crafts, and never once thought about the notebook. I wanted it gone, but I couldn't just get rid of it. It's more complicated than that. I can't keep my guilt hidden forever, so I'd confess someday. But for now, I focused on this terrible colouring job of Princess Celestia. Not only did I lazily colour outside the lines, but I coloured her pink. Of course.

I heard the door downstairs open and close at the same time as previous days, and I thought nothing good.

“A terrible mother coming home from her girlfriend's house,” I said out loud.

“Is that what you think of me?”

I turned my head slowly to see Twilight standing at the door to the room, looking directly at me with a solemn look on her face. Her eyes were puffy as if she was crying. I wanted to run up to her and beg her to never leave. I knew it wasn't possible, but I wanted to try so much. I opted to look away bitterly, and continue my terrible colouring.

“Spike, I'm sorry I haven't been here lately,” she said, slowly walking towards me.

“Your girlfriend certainly isn't,” I snapped back, breaking my crayon tip.

Sighing, I began sharpening the crayon with my claw. Twilight didn't respond and walked over, sitting down next to me. I wanted to stab her with the crayon, lethal or not, for putting me through this paranoia... her fault or not. She kept leaving, going to Rarity's, coming back in time for dinner then bed... what was I supposed to think? Would I kill her? Thought never crossed my mind. I meant it when I said I didn't think of the Death Note.

“'Pinklestia,' I take it?” she asked.

“Yeah, I figured since the page is already white, and it's a colouring book, I'd do it like that,” I responded half-heartedly.

“I think it's funny. I'd love to show Princess Celestia. Maybe we could convince her to get a pink coat makeover,” she giggled.

Whether I wanted to or not, I giggled along with the thought of a Pink Celestia. I finished sharpening my crayon and continued my Pinklestia makeover, almost in silence. Eventually, Twilight wrapped a foreleg around my body, and caressed my side. It was calming, and I'm pretty sure she could feel how tense I was. I was jittery, paranoid, and shivering like an addict all day.

“Spike, have I ever told you how stupid I am?” she asked.

I stopped colouring, feeling my wrist trembling. I shook my head, refusing the tears to flow yet again. I continued colouring outside of the lines, and Twilight continued.

“Twilight Sparkle is an anti-social, party animal-wannabe, with friends who value her as the problem solver and voice of reason, and a son she doesn't deserve,” she said, voice trembling throughout the sentence.

“I don't deserve a mother at all,” I responded, dropping the crayon. “I'm a dragon, in pony society... and I killed a pony.”

“No! You did not, Spike,” Twilight shot back. “You deserve a mother more than anypony I know! You're the only civilized dragon in Equestria, and the only other dragon's you've met haven't done anything but terrorize you. You deserve a mother more than I deserve friends!” She wrapped her other foreleg around me, and I felt my entire body shaking.

“Equestria could hate you. Princess Celestia could announce a bounty on your head. Rarity herself could want you out of her life. It wouldn't matter. I would fight against everything if it meant making you happy, Spike,” she said, pressing her head against mine.

I wrapped my arms around her, and started to cry once more. Apparently, it was a week of crying like dumb foals, but I still did it anyways. Nothing wrong with crying, and with the stress, I could use another good cry.

“Mommy, I just want you home more often! I'm scared, you keep going out, leaving me here, going to see Rarity, what happened to my place in the group? Is it because I don't fit in with adults?” I asked. Twilight tightened her grip on me. “Is it because I'm-”

“I love you, Spike,” she said, cutting me off.

I began vocally crying, holding the mare that loved me regardless of what I thought and how I acted. I felt her gentle touch on my back, soothing me like a foal yet again. All of this stress, and paranoia, was really starting to ruin us both. I'm the moron who accepted the Death Note without thinking things through, and now I'm paying for it.

“I love you too, mommy. Can you at least tell me why you're going out?” I asked, wanting to sort out the charade.

“Spike...” She let go, leaning back. I let go too, wiping my eyes. We looked at each other, me waiting, her sighing. “The deaths regarding Blueblood, Blackhoof, and several others are murders.”

My eyes widened, and my jaw dropped. How did she find out!? And... she is leading an investigation!

“And they're using a killer book that kills others when you write their name in it... and I'm going to find out who it is with the others help. Why?” She looked outside to the setting sun.

I turned away, hiding my horrified expression. My paranoia just came true then, and I was doing well to hold up.

“Because the victims are related to Rarity, and looking at the details, you're the one at the highest risk here.”

I walked around the main room of the library, deep in thought regarding a disturbing breakthrough. I paced through the room, looking outside every few seconds. I sighed, lying down on my small bed.

“Rarity is depressed even more than before,” I said, grabbing a newspaper next to my bed.

I unfolded it and stared at the cover of the Equestria Daily. The headline was loud and clear. The Royal Guards searched, and found more than one thing.

MURDER IN EQUESTRIA?

The article detailed how the guards discovered Snap-trap's body in Ghastly Gorge, further away from where his carriage was. What was worse, was that the three I sent to suicide a few weeks ago were discovered. I didn't know how they found them or even how they discovered it was murder, but I wasn't the same since I saw the article. Twilight discovered, and dubbed it murder.

I sprawled myself out over the bed, hanging my head over the edge of the basket. I looked at the upside down door, sighing. I closed my eyes, attempting to sort through the mess in my head.

“Murder. This is murder. The officials wonder if it's murder, and the leader of this apparent investigation think it's murder. What I thought last week? Wrong. This is murder. I'm committing murder. Offing the scumbags. Retaliation of the most extreme kind.” I clenched my eyes shut, and my nose trembled. “I've been ending ponies lives recklessly. What gave me the right? Certainly not natural selection,” I said.

I grit my teeth, feeling my entire body tense up. The nagging feeling in my chest has only grown, and it wasn't the Death Note. I felt a tugging in my chest that made it hard to breathe, and my head started to hurt. Suddenly, I felt a heaving in my stomach, and I rolled over on the bread and emptied my lunch onto the floor next to my bed. I coughed several times, shaking my head before struggling to my feet.

I was physically sick now just from processing it all. The fear from being caught by the Royal Guards for my murders have driven me over the edge. I keep finding myself checking my shoulder every few seconds, for guards, and a God of Death to show up. I'm sure my shifty attitude was suspicious... maybe citizens ignored it because of the accident I witnessed.

Yeah... 'accident.' Twilight seemed to be the one behind the investigation for these deaths. She was able to deduce they weren't accidents and tragic deaths. She was spending time with the others, searching the deaths. My questions are, how did she come to the conclusion?

Comments

[Pyro The Reader]

Seems like Spike is gonna crack reeeeeally soon!

[TundraStanza]

Oh no...

[LloydZelos]

An angsty chapter, indeed. Easily your best one along with Golden Shutter's. You portrayed Spike's mental breakdown perfectly, and I congratulate you for it

Obviously, our little dragon wil be left alone by all his friends, and dejected by Rarity forever. That leads me to my prediction about last chapter: given the title, he'll commit suicide, leaving a farewell note behind.

[tyler262]

I thought spike was going to write name in the note book with hisout bursts.

[averagejoey2000]

he rolled over on the bread

[Hard-Pressed Scribe]

STAY FROSTY SPIKE

[Zweiterversuch]

Wow....
For a second there I thought I'd have to play this song:

[crossed]

Three mares gonna die tonight!