• Published 14th Aug 2012
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The Dragon's Notebook - Arby



Spike makes a steel resolve to protect Rarity at [i]any[/i] cost...

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Reactions to the disappearance of Snap-trap had been mixed. Some ponies at The Archive were saddened, while others that worked for him were unsure. Rarity... I couldn't decipher her reaction. She never brought him up again, and that was fine by me.

What did bring out a reaction was when his carriage was searched for clues, and his drivers were investigated. He had inappropriate photos of us with numerous captions such as, “IMMATURE CHILDREN,” “UNFIT TO MODEL DUE TO BUTCH ATTITUDE,” and so on. I felt glad that I hadn't killed an asshat boyfriend, but an actually disgusting creature. It still never made the weight of the word 'murder' any lighter.

Needless to say, Rarity had organized a spa visit for all of us to remove our troubles, while Rainbow was content with sitting on a nearby chair. I have to say, she misses out on a lot when ignoring the spa treatments. Even this helped me unwind from the troubles.

“Mister Spike, you are very tense, and it appears you've grown, if memory serves me correctly,” Aloe said during a massage.

I opened my eyes in surprise, and the others piped up immediately.

“Grown? What do you mean?” Rarity asked mid-hooficure.

“It seems mister Spike has grown an inch since his last visit,” Aloe replied as she started pressing into my shoulder blades.

“Huh, you don't say. I feel like an old man already,” I lazily responded, closing my eyes.

“You've certainly matured in the past few weeks, Spike,” Twilight commented, lying back in her chaise longue.

“Thanks, mom.” I exhaled comfortably, feeling my arms go numb.

Thankfully, the others didn't question my growth as a negative thing. It seemed I truly did grow that day. This spa visit was rather boring, until this next tidbit happened:

“So, I have received a post-card from another photographer from The Archive, stating he wanted to look at my new lineup,” Rarity said. Oddly enough, she didn't sound excited.

“Normally, Ah'd say that's great news, but after... well, y'know, Ah'm not so sure,” Applejack said in the middle of her own massage.

“I don't think she should care. All buzz is good buzz, and I'll model for you again if it helps your business,” Rainbow said, looking up from her magazine.

“I don't know, I'm not sure. Surely, it'll be a less than pleasant visit,” Rarity murmured.

“Nuh uh, you need this, girl! You've had the worst week anypony could ask for. You need something to put the fuzz back in your buzz!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“And if you get some praise, it could help you forget what happened,” Fluttershy said, lying back into the chaise longue.

Rarity didn't reply, and laid her head down on the massage table. Opening my eyes, I could see her exhausted expression, taking in all the information.

“Rarity, take every opportunity you can get. In a business as widespread as fashion, something like this could be the difference from local clothes store to international fashion empire. A lot of ponies would give up everything to be even in the presence of company photographers, and here is one, letting you know that he's coming here to see you!” Twilight exclaimed just as Lotus started to file her horn.

Rarity once sighed, opening her eyes. She looked around the room at her friends who all smiled in support. Rarity finally smiled, and then, I did too. Seeing her gentle smile was one of the greatest things I could ask for as a dragon. It was the one goal I had in mind, but as most ponies have realized by now, you can't go through life without some pain. I just regret being the one to inflict it, even if it was indirect.

“Alright, I will welcome this photographer. Thank you, girls,” Rarity responded, allowing herself to relax.

This next photographer was different than the last one, and by that, I mean he wasn't a slimy bastard that deserved to die. Upon meeting him, he immediately gave off an aura similar to Fluttershy; nice, reserved, shy, and an absolutely great guy. When he stopped in front of the Carousal Boutique, he didn't sport a fancy carriage, or his own cronies. He walked up, stood on her doormat, and gave the quietest knocks possible, and there was no answer. He waited a minute, and knocked louder. Nearby, I hid in a bush to see how the introduction worked out. Poor guy actually stood there and didn't leave or knock louder. It was only when Rarity opened the door to leave that he was found out.

“Oh, greetings, miss Rarity. Hello, I'm, uh, Golden Shutter, and I work for The Archive,” he said, lifting a tender hoof to shake.

“Greetings. How are you?” she asked, shaking his hoof delicately.

He retracted his hoof, avoiding eye contact with Rarity while struggling to speak. Eventually, he spat out his apologies towards Rarity for Snap-trap, to which both Rarity and I nodded. Eventually, they retreated into the Boutique, prompting me out of my hiding spot. I ran, keeping low in hopes my latent ninja skill would arise. Whether it did or not, I made it to the bush outside of the shop, and coincidentally, I saw the room where they conversed with an open window, allowing me to hear everything.

“I'm uneasy, I heard that the last photographer had photos that... well, it's made The Archive look bad, and by extension, me as well. I'm scared that I'll be ruining your reputation,” I heard Golden Shutter say.

“Don't worry dear, you need something good to lighten up your dreadful week, as do I. If this works out, both of us will benefit,” Rarity replied.

I leaned against a tree next to the bush, and listened to the conversation. That moment was the moment in my life where I most felt like a stalker... but I had to make sure this guy wasn't trying to move in. He certainly wouldn't be an easy guy to kill if it came down to it... he was a nice guy.

It was like a reluctant hunter; like a wild animal, I stalked my prey, but the added conscious reminded me that I was killing a living being. Even if I, as a dragon, required meat, I don't think I would enjoy killing a wild creature for food. I'd rather die, so why am I killing more sentient creatures? To protect somepony I love? That's selfish. I'm a selfish bastard. A murderous bastard with a noble goal, which is selfish. So, this selfish bastard continued listening to the conversation. Golden Shutter never seemed to make a move, or hint at a potential interest in Rarity. He seemed to be very business oriented, and that was fine by me.

The gist of the event merely set up a time to model for photographs, and nothing more. He never once hinted at an interest in Rarity, but he did mention the one who sent a letter, recommending a visit to Rarity a 'Spock the Draconis.'

I decided that I was terrible at code names from there on, and stuck with a different one... but I'll get to that later. For now, I listened to the conversation. There was a silence after the explanation, and Rarity started laughing. It made me smile, mostly because she was laughing, but also because it was funny how she tried to keep her sophisticated attitude in her nonstop laughter.

“Oh, that was my lovely little Spikey-wikey. He helps me with my work now and then, a true gentledrake.”

I smirked, nodding in approval.

“I'll have to remember to thank him later for this opportunity. Now, speaking of this opportunity...”

Days later, and still nothing wrong with Golden Shutter. He still stayed his usual self and never showed any interest in Rarity... but that could have been due to his shy nature. It gave off an odd vibe, one that kept me watching him in a stalking manner. I followed them around, discretely of course, and watched them whenever I had free time. They walked Ponyville, looking at locations to photograph, and Golden Shutter kept looking around awkwardly. He never made eye contact with Rarity, and was frequently praised by the mare for having an excellent eye for scenery.

Rarity was giving him too much praise. She gave them out more frequently than she did to myself, but granted, he was able to boost her career, and she had to get on his good side. I kept watching as the stallion nodded, looking away from Rarity each time. He sheepishly grinned, kicking the ground at each comment... and that was a bad sign. She was getting to him, but... he wasn't just your typical scum. He had an innocence similar to Fluttershy, and to kill that off just like that... it's scary.

Today, I decided to make a difference. After he and Rarity had finished scouting for locations that day, I caught him as he left the Carousel Boutique. The skies above rumbled from the clouds due to the forecast calling for rain. Hidden in my scales was a piece of the Death Note, since I needed paper to record details down, since I didn't want to steal from Twilight's stash again... or use up my own craft supplies. Even if it happened from a lie, I took a liking to crafts.

Anyways, I ran up behind the stallion, and finally saw him up close, well enough to take in his full appearance. A teal pegasus with a humble saddlebags atop his back, not too fancy. His mane was styled in a way that allowed him to retreat behind his bangs similar to Fluttershy, and it was short... almost like Big Macintosh. His Cutie Mark was a camera with a golden lens on it.

As I approached him, he noticed me and seemed to cower, instantly avoiding eye contact. I stopped a few feet in front of him, waiting for a response, but nothing came. I scratched the back of my head, let out an 'uh,' and shrugged.

“Hi! What's your name?” I asked, extending a claw.

He seemed to lighten up a bit, looking in my general direction. He still never made eye contact. He smiled and extended a hoof, and we quickly shook.

“Golden Shutter. I work for, um, The Archive,” he responded, looking off to the side.

I let go, doing a quick stretch. “The Archive? Didn't Snap-trap work there?”

“Yeah,” he said, trailing off.

“Ah, don't worry. He was just one pony. Anyways, I've seen you working with Rarity, or such the past week?” I asked, trying to sound oblivious.

He nodded, and kicked the ground lightly, clearing his throat.

“And... uh, you work for Rarity, yes? Spock, or Spikey?”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “Yeah, I am her Spikey, but my name is Spike. Spike the Dragon.” I smirked, pounding my chest. “Always reliable assistant numero uno!”

“So I've heard, Rarity goes on and on about you.” He looked around. “It's almost dinner time, let's walk. I can... um, we can eat dinner. I'd like to know more about Rarity. I've met her once, at the Grand Galloping Gala a year or two ago.”

I stopped my giddy attitude, pausing as I took that in. Yeah, I'll bet you'd like to know more, I thought.

“Alright. Ask away, Mr. Shutter,” I said, walking down the street.

“Please, call me Golden.”

A typical restaurant with the typical service. Sat down, got menu, made order, received order, and ate. Sometimes, it was the perfect lunch date. Sometimes, it was a perfect spot to hold a meeting. I found I to be the perfect place to think about murder.

No, seriously. I sat on my side of the table, eating my hay fries, and tuned out most of what Golden Shutter said... and pondered writing his name down. Was it ethical? Certainly not. It was murder... but I've done it before. I killed Blueblood, even if it was an accident, and I killed Blackhoof as well as Snap-trap. They were all scum, all who were, or have hurt Rarity.

This guy? He never gave me that vibe. He honestly seemed trustworthy. He seemed like a guy I could pair with Rarity, but that's the thing... there is too many uncertainties with the scenario. What is this guy like when he has confidence? What is he like when faced with the gang? Would he screw the relationship up with his shyness? I wanted to know this guy better than I knew Owlowisius.

“Excuse me, Mr. Spike?”

I shook my head, snapping out of my daydream. “Sorry, what was the question?” I asked, stashing a handful of hayfries into my mouth.

“I wanted to know when Rarity employed you, or are you not allowed to say?” he asked, sipping out of his glass of water.

I shook my head. “I'm not employed by her, I work free of charge.” Her smile... the mare behind that smile, everything about her, just knowing her is payment enough for me. I stopped chewing, a goofy smile breaking out on my face.

“Oh? Is there a reason? Like, um-” He once again looked away from me. I looked over to him and raised an eyebrow, just as he looked at me too. He lowered his face, hiding it behind his mane. “Are... are you two, 'together?'”

I did a double take, swallowing my fries suddenly. I felt my face growing hot from the question, and quickly took a sip of my water before chuckling awkwardly. I looked up to Golden Shutter, who still refused to look at me.

“Oh, no, nothing like that. She doesn't see me that way,” I responded.

Noticeably even to myself, my voice took a solemn tone. No matter how many times I reminded myself, it hurt. I hurt. I hurt every time I remember it, and it never gets easier. Her smile was worth everything. It was one of the most valuable things in my life... but I don't deserve her. I'm sure she notices my stares. When I stare at her, she sees the fire in my eyes... the need to just make her happy. Why I sacrifice my time for her. She doesn't see the fire source. These aren't eyes of love. These aren't eyes of the gentledrake she mentioned earlier.

These are the eyes of a murderer. And I will never change these eyes for anything. I took this path, knowing fully well it would change my stare. So, now that I have the eyes of a murderer, why is it so hard to just off this potential threat to Rarity? I can't stare at her without being reminded of why I stare at her awaiting her smile, and why I don't act on those feelings. I wanted her to know, and to reciprocate my feelings, but she can't, and she never will. If I keep up this gentledrake attitude of mine, she could reciprocate my feelings... completely oblivious to the danger.

I could hurt her... and when that happens? My own name in the Death Note... but Rarity would move on. Would he hurt her? Who would protect her when I'm gone? Rarity is delicate. She's lovely, beautiful, and generous. She has a heart of gold, and a heart that once belonged to me. I gave it to her long ago, merely a week before my last birthday... the kindest, sweetest, and most generous act she's ever experienced. I literally gave her my heart, and she still frolics around with these dangerous creatures... stallions, that is.

She treats them like toys; always playing with them, hogging them from the other children, and when she breaks them and don't work, disposal. Like every good thing about somepony, there is always something bad. Rarity may be generosity, but she has her moments of greed. It's almost as if she sets herself up to be hurt... so should I protect Rarity, by killing her...?

NO! How could I have thought that?! My mind wasn't listening. It wanted to protect her, so why drop the fact that she could hurt herself from the list? Easy... she doesn't deserve to die. I would give up my own thousand years of life if it meant she could like an extra minute. She deserved it... she's like a perfect gem. One to be adored by everypony for centuries. The crown jewels of society. I loved her, that much I knew. I knew that when I read the murderin' job description.

Rarity needed protection. I don't care if she never returns my feelings. I don't need it. All I need to know, is that Rarity is safe. If I have to kill every stallion she meets, fine. So why is it hard to accept that I may have to kill this stallion? Is it because he's not scum? Either way...

“No, I just offer my assistance to her because it benefits the both of us. Seeing her happy is incredible. Seeing the smiling face of any one of my friends is incredible, and worth all the effort,” I said, shoving another handful of fries into my mouth.

“Ah. I was wondering if she was single.”

And that was when my fears began to escalate once more. All of my previous thoughts seemed to vanish, and I stared directly at his face. I also forgot I had food, which I proceeded to choke on. Quickly hacking them up into a napkin, I looked at Golden Shutter, watching the blush redden in his cheeks.

“I'm sorry, that shouldn't be a normal question, but I figured a mare such as Rarity would warrant a stallion,” he followed up.

I shook my head, eyes widened. I no longer had my chilled expression on, replaced by my attempt to mentally pierce his mind. I tried to stare through his eyes to disband any deception, or signs of discourse from this kind stallion... and nothing. His face only revealed that he was shyly asking if Rarity was available. Of course, I couldn't make a fuss, Celestia forbid that I draw attention to myself.

I have to kill this kind, innocent and shy pony... but why? Was he a threat? Yes. All stallions were threats. There will come a time where he would wind up hurting her. Someway, somehow, he will. It's how the scum-infested world works. Celestia's utopia of Equestria was a life. It was full of scum... mares of all sorts hooking up with a piece of scum here and there, their lives being turned from the innocent lives of fun and colours to the dirty underbelly of nightclubs, adult hell-zones, basically anything beyond the norm. Rarity was sweet, and deserved to stay in the light. She deserved her friends, and a stallion would change that. Her time would be focused elsewhere, she'd devote herself to him... throw her heart at his mercy, and he could do what he wanted with it. He could crush her when he wanted, and leave her broken on the sidewalk.

Could this shy pegasus really be the scum I describe? It's impossible. Nothing about him was threatening. I could throw the Cake Twins at him, and he'd give up his lunch money to the twins... or so he acted. I almost reached forward to touch his foreleg, just to see if he was brittle like a snowflake. Like origami, would he fold under pressure? He wasn't entirely shy, or else he wouldn't have his job, but it still gave him a sweet innocence.

And as a murderous bastard, I would gladly do it. And as a murderous bastard making his resolve, I grew another inch.

I finished up my hayfries quickly, and he did the same for his food. Lucky too, because it just started drizzling. We quickly left the restaurant and took a stroll through town. Nowhere in particular, just a 'friendly walk,' so to speak.

“So, how did you first meet Rarity?” Golden asked me.

I scratched my head at the memory, grinning sheepishly. Regardless of the impending murder, I still smirked.

“Well, two years ago, my mother, Twilight Sparkle, was sent to Ponyville by Princess Celestia to check on the Summer Sun Celebration preparations. Rarity was the one in charge of the decor,” I responded, looking at the surrounding area for a suitable death choice.

“Your mother is Twilight Sparkle?”

I nodded my head, sighing happily at the day I dubbed her so.

“It's odd. Wonderful, but you're a dragon... and she's the Princess' protege! Lucky guy,” he chuckled, trailing off down another street.

I turned down the street as well, looking at the empty area.

“So yeah, that's how I met her. What about you,” I asked, looking at the various buildings.

This led to the train station, both of which were damaged by the last storm. Scaffolding and tools lay in front of each area, and several planks of wood lay loose on the buildings. This was the perfect place for an accident... but I don't want to. I need a death that works.

“Well, I did mention the Grand Galloping Gala...”

“Right, but how? Was it awkward?”

He was a nice guy. He didn't seem like he'd hurt Rarity, but many ponies can hide things. I can't take a chance. Looking over to a scaffolding, I felt as the rain intensified. I looked up, and sighed.

“Hey, why don't we stand under that scaffolding for now,” I said, pointing to said scaffolding. “You have camera equipment, right?”

He nodded. “Alright.”

We jogged over to the scaffolding and stood out of the rain. I shook my head off, sitting down on a nearby tool box. I squinted my right eye and reached a claw up, pulling a small scrap of paper from the scales. Awkwardly, I set it on my hand and unfolded the small scrap to a size I could write on. I had nothing decent to write with, so while he was looking around the street, I pierced a small hole on the bottom of my tail. My claw had blood on the tip, and I quickly began writing. First, I wrote 'Golden' before stopping. A train just pulled into Ponyville train station, causing Golden to look around the street.

Does the Death Note's power still work if I tear a sheet out? I mean, it kills somehow by writing a name down. Who's to say it doesn't work on a torn sheet? I thought, watching the streets and looking over to Golden Shutter. He still looked down the street, back and forth as if he were looking for somepony. If it does, lucky me... forgive me, Twilight, for I am about to sin.

GOLDEN SHUTTER

“So, what's it like, being raised by ponies if you don't mind me asking? I'd love to have an interview with you, actually,” he asked, looking back to me.

To him, I was scratching my hand.

ACCIDENT

“It's interesting. Different, and I've learned the value in life instead of being a greedy monster. I've met other dragons, but they're 'out of it,' so to speak,” I replied, scratching down the details.

'Hit by a falling plank of wood,' was all I wrote.

“Ah, interesting,” he responded.

I quickly blew a flame into my palm, burning the scrap of the notebook. I looked up to him, who watched in confusion.

“Helps with an itch,” I responded. He shrugged in response, and I looked at him. “So, what do you think of Rarity? She's a real looker, right?” I asked, masking my anger. The anger that he could hurt Rarity... and anger at myself.

“Yeah, she certainly is,” he responded, ducking his head.

I sighed, standing up while I did. I stepped away from the scaffolding, standing in the rain. I looked up at the sky, before looking back over to him. He had a smile on his face, looking in the direction of the train station.

“Think you have a chance with her?” I finally asked, having enough of the small hints.

He shook his head. “Nope. Besides, I have a girlfriend. She came to meet me in Ponyville. She's right there, walking from the train station.”

What? My eyes widened. I looked at him for a sign of a joke. He waved a hoof off into the distance, and I slowly turned my head to see another pegasus, hovering over to Golden Shutter. Her smile was huge, sheer delight on her face, same as Golden Shutter. Golden stepped out from under the scaffolding, and walked towards the mare.

What did I do!? No! This wasn't supposed to happen! I heard a snap, and looked above to the building. A plank cracked, and fell from on top of the roof, just as the Death Note's detail had. It confirmed that the paper works when ripped, and that was it. I looked back down to the oblivious pegasus as he stepped forward. The weight of everything hit me.

I doomed an innocent stallion!

Time seemed to slowdown that moment. I lunged my arm forward, starting a run towards him. The plank fell, the two pegasi walked towards each other, preparing to nuzzle one another. I was wrong. He wouldn't hurt Rarity. He had no chance. He was an innocent pony. He was a good pony.

“WAIT-”

I didn't process the next second. Next thing I realized, I was standing still, with my arm extended out. My eyes stared at the building in front of me, and Golden Shutter wasn't standing there. In the corner of my eye, I could see the mare screaming, backing away. The wall, and my arm had splotches of red on them... and not just there. I could feel it on my body, and on my face. I tilted my head down slightly, and stopped when I saw a wooden plank sticking up.

I didn't take that in, but what I did was the liquid on my arms. I could feel it dripping off my claws, and down my face. I turned my hand, staring at the red liquid on it. Blood. It was blood dripping down my arm. It was blood on my body. Blood of an innocent pony. His blood was literally on my hands... and my face, and my body, and my arms.

Murder.

I murdered somepony. The look on his face... was it the same as Blackhoof? Was he lying in pain? Was he unable to handle it? I murdered him. I murdered a pony. She was a pony. She? He! He was! It pony! He didn't want Rarity! He was taken! Was! Why was? I killed him! He's not an is, but now a was! I didn't mean to!

“No! He just! Wanted it and... I told him! I hadn't, I mean! No!” I shouted, looking at my bloodied body.

Help! Mommy! Help me! I didn't mean to! He's innocent!

“MOMMY!”

I fell to the ground, rain splashing on my head.

“MOMMY!”

I was levitated by magic.

“MOMMY!”

I heard a knocking on a door.

“MOMMY!”

And mommy picked me up. Finally taking in the scenery, I was looking up at my mother. Twilight. She cradled me in her forehooves, looking at me solemnly. I looked around, seeing the others were here; Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack... and Rarity. Twilight was holding me close, shushing me like a crying foal.

“Rarity, can you hold Spike for me?” Twilight asked, releasing her grip on me.

She nodded and moved over to me, and I instantly panicked. RARITY!? NO! I wrapped my own arms around Twilight's neck, almost digging my claws into her neck. She took in a sharp breath as I scratched her.

“MOMMY!” I shouted again, refusing to let go.

Twilight once again wrapped her forehooves around me, shushing me again.

“Never mind, can you go get me a towel and a wet cloth so I can wash him?” she said.

I felt tears on my face, and started choking on my sobs as I started to openly cry. Rarity walked out of my line of sight. Then it got the best of me. The guilt. It had been breaking when Twilight asked about her scrolls, but it was open now. It was flowing.

“I KILLED HIM!” I shouted into Twilight's chest, pressing my face against it. “I TOLD HIM TO GO THERE! I SAW THE PLANK BREAK! IT'S MY FAULT!”

“No, Spike. It's not your fault, it was an accident. You didn't kill him,” Twilight replied, tightening her brace.

“YES! I-I TOLD HIM! WE H-HAD TO... RAIN! IT RAINED! I TOLD HIM TO G-GO UNDER THE SCA-AFFOLDING!”

Twilight began stroking the back of my head. “Stop crying, it's alright. You didn't make the plank break. You didn't. It's not your fault, Spike. It was an accident.”

“I'M SORRY, MOMMY! I'M SO SORRY!” Yes, I was. I truly was. I am a murderer. I killed. Not just that, but because I lied to her before. Because I killed an innocent pony. I lied to Rarity. I took a good stallion away from a good mare. “I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!”

It happened so fast. I wrote a name down, wrote a death, and wrote details. I killed somepony. I ended a pony's life just like that. And for what? To protect Rarity? Protect her from what? Are stallions really that bad? No. I just killed somepony who was proof of that. I killed a good stallion. I killed him like I was writing off things from my shopping list.

A murder checklist. I wrote something off, and that was that. Like all murderous bastards, I found it easier as I went along, but one time, you do something you regret, and all hell breaks loose. Life isn't something I should kill that easily. Blueblood was an accident, while Blackhoof was... he deserved it. Right? Yeah. He was scum. So was Snap-trap. So why did Golden Shutter have to die?

I didn't know the value of life. I treated it like a paper bag; disposable. I screwed up a mare's life because of that. Is life really that valuable? Yes. I didn't treat it like so, and that was that. I killed a good stallion... and even scum has a life. Or else, why would they exist? They have a life, and maybe they throw it away. It's up to society to reinstall the value, so I don't have the right to do it.

No matter the reason, murder is always wrong. Even if I'm doing it to protect somepony I love with my heart, it's wrong. And after that, I never took it for granted again.