Well, you said you wanted feedback, so I'll give some. First off, this fic is cute. I had fun reading it, but it does need to keep the tense correct.
Spike is currently sleeping in Twilight's bed in her house.
should be
Spike WAS currently sleeping
It also needs to work on its paragraphing, around the middle of this chapter they became way too long. I don't know if it's your intention, but Starlight's actions did kinda have a rapey feeling to it. But if that's supposed to be part of your fic's enjoyment, then it's fine. Don't take any of this as me not enjoying this fic. As I said this was cute and fun to read, but I want these to be as good as they can be and that won't happen without constructive criticism.
Quick trip: writing conventions commonly suggest putting a comma before the name when characters address one another. That helps avoid misunderstandings. Take this example:
pretty good so far will follow
Gonna track this.
I finna follow this story is good
Before or after the Molt Effect?
Well, you said you wanted feedback, so I'll give some.
First off, this fic is cute. I had fun reading it, but it does need to keep the tense correct.
should be
It also needs to work on its paragraphing, around the middle of this chapter they became way too long.
I don't know if it's your intention, but Starlight's actions did kinda have a rapey feeling to it. But if that's supposed to be part of your fic's enjoyment, then it's fine.
Don't take any of this as me not enjoying this fic. As I said this was cute and fun to read, but I want these to be as good as they can be and that won't happen without constructive criticism.
Not bad at all. This looks very promising.
However, you should reread this. There were quite a few grammar issues.
Quick trip: writing conventions commonly suggest putting a comma before the name when characters address one another. That helps avoid misunderstandings. Take this example:
versus
Three things
1. Great story
2. Some grammar problems
3. Going to need a lot of prequels to make sense of how this has happened (please do)
Can’t wait for 2nd chapter
This is gonna be so fun to read & enjoy as Spike gonna get a kinky maid next!
It’s more of a love pentagon 😏I love being a smart Ass sometimes
Its not bad but... i dont know the simplicity of the story building just kills it for me ;/
Oh boy I can't wait for the next chapter.
9709461
Any feedback will help. I a support technique to do better. Thanks for the feedback and I hope you enjoy the fic continuing.
9710739
I see what you did there. LOL.
Major case of wall-o-text.
9720188
Define what that is. I've heard of it before but never understood the full/actual definition.
9720295
It's basically where you don't separate paragraphs, leading to a massive block of uninterrupted text.
Grammar is too bad to enjoy it properly, almost as if you wrote it with only one hand.