0 - 1: Charcoal
When I woke up again, I felt as if a truck had run me over. My entire body was arching, and I knew for a fact that every bit of movement would be painful.
I still knew I needed to stand up, though.
Sighing, I opened my eyes and took notice of how blurry everything looked. I could remember my talk with that ‘god’ I met in my dream, but if he really were a god, he at least could have suppressed the pain. Or told me his name, at least.
Sitting up, I saw my perspective shift as expected, but I could still see the ceiling above me at the same time. It disoriented me enough so that I fell back again, landing atop of someone else.
Now, while that alone would have been enough cause for concern, what really worried me that, in the exact same moment, I also felt someone fall onto me.
Groaning, I focused on the feel of my body, and to my surprise, I could sense headaches and that sore feeling multiple times. By then, I realized that I somehow had managed to get at least a second body, which I controlled somehow, but I did not know which ones I had.
Focusing on the body I just tried to move into a sitting position, I managed to move only it. It was far easier than splitting my perception and control over more than one body, and when I pushed myself up again, I realized that I still felt sensations from the body below me. However, I also had a feeling as if there were more than just two bodies.
I was moving carefully, but that stopped when I started to both feel a raising heat and hear a sizzling sound.
Opening my eyes in alarm, I looked around, accidentally doing so with all my eyes again. Luckily, I managed to focus on one pair of eyes, but when I looked behind me, I could see three figures lying behind me.
They were anthromorph ponies, no better way to say it.
And, I knew those ponies.
However, there still was the fact that I could feel and hear something burning, and I quickly realized that it was because two of the three ponies on the bed had manes and tails made from flames.
I panicked for a second, but I then realized that the only things that were burning were the actual flames of their manes and tails. Even though they touched the bed frame and sheets, they did not burn.
Now not panicked as much, but (thanks to the scare) awake enough to take note of them, I looked over the three ponies on the bed. One was Celestia. Magenta eyes, crown, four-colored aurora hair and tail, big white wings, and feet covered with golden shoes.
Around her wrists were golden bracelets without any other details than a few engravings, and she wore a robe that was covering most of her body. It was not covering her arms or wings, though, and held up by the necklace she was always wearing.
It was made out of a silk-like material and was lined with more gold. Interestingly, a belt with a similar design was wrapped around her waist. It seemed to only serve decorative purposes.
From there one, each of the others wore less clothing than the one before 'her'. Next to Celestia, I could see Daybreaker, although buried below the wings of the former.
Getting both of them to stand up using the wall to hold on to when I concentrated on another body, I then took a good look over her.
The wings were lined with the orange armor I remembered from that season seven (eight?) episode, and the crown on her head was made from the same orange material. The gem inserted into it was a deep, bloody red.
Her chest was luckily still covered, but the orange breastplate left not much to the imagination. It had a lightning-shaped form, and whilst it was still bearing the sun mark in its middle, it left one with a good look at her cleavage and her belly. And her ribs. And her shoulders.
I was honestly wondering at this point if the armor was purely decoration or enchanted to catch attacks in the free areas. It would be easier to list the areas that were covered than those that were not.
Her arms and feet were covered in orange gloves and boots, respectively, and her crotch was covered with another piece of armor that looked more like a slip than a normal piece of clothing.
Both gloves ended about halfway up her upper arms, and the boots also stopped about two-thirds up her legs, leaving nothing to the imagination. Her cutie mark was clearly visible, a bright yellow sun amidst an orange mark that looked more like a flame than a splotch of color.
What really drove home that she was a demon was her face, though. I could tell that she had fangs, and both her pupil and her sclera were a dark red, while her iris was a bright yellow and surrounded by a small ring of orange whilst also being silted like a cat’s.
(In the image she may have been human, but in this story, Daybreaker has fur like the other ones.)
The third one on the bed was a not-so-well-known version of Celestia. Nightmare Star.
She appeared once in that card game that someone tried creating. It was kind of similar to the pokémon collection card game, I think. I just learned about her randomly while browsing the web.
However, unlike in the card game, she had not white but brown fur and wings for some reason, and I only identified her by the ridiculous amount of jewelry she wore.
It was the only things that she wore.
Her hands and feet were in short golden gloves and shorts respectively, and from each of her ears hung a light pink and dark blue crystal, respectively.
Atop her head sat a crown fitted with five amethyst gems and fake demon horns, and on her actual horn, I could spot a thin golden ring. She wore three necklaces, two little more than golden chains, but the third one was something akin to the one that Celestia wore. Unlike Celestia's, though, it was bigger and more decorated. The gem in front of it was also bigger, and along the gold connecting it to her back, two more gems hung down in the same colors as her earrings, while two more gems were embedded in the sides of the necklace a bit more to the front.
Around her right arm, another golden ring sat, slightly above her elbow, and around her right leg, a chain also made from gold wrapped itself around twice.
When I looked at those chains, I also noticed that her cutie mark was different from Celestia’s as well. It looked nearly the same, but it was slightly darker, and the rays from the sun were a dark orange.
Her face once again showed me that she was not prey but a predator, her sclera darker than normal, her iris like queen Chrysalis with two yellow-red colors and her pupil a dull, but still recognizable yellow color and the same silted form.
Like Sombra, she emitted energy from her eyes, but unlike Sombra, in her case, that energy was formed out of flames as well. All the flames along her body had an orange color, and that was once again showing me that this was a vastly different version of Nightmare Star than the original was, but with all the jewelry and the crown with the fake horns, she could not be anyone else.
Lastly, there was the one ‘I’ currently was, and using ‘Celestia’s‘ vision, I could tell that ‘I’ was Solar Flare, the (first) ‘fan version’ of Daybreaker before the community came into contact with Daybreaker.
My body was black, and the material my ‘skin’ was made from reminded me of obsidian. There were areas that looked like they were made from hot, glowing lava instead, though. Between those areas, cracks were visible, reminding me of the cracks that lava created when breaking through old layers of volcanoes.
Hands, feet, and for some odd reason the breasts were yellow glowing, but around them were not the only areas with cracks visible. From my eyes, I could see some going outwards, almost looking like make-up, and on my side and along my arms I also noticed some cracks.
However, I was not indecent. That would be the joke of the century – a golem with a gender. I just looked female.
My cutie mark was in the color scheme of Nightmare Star, but unlike hers, mine was made up out of the same cosmetic cracks that littered my body, causing it to be twisted, distorted.
My eyes had an orange sclera, yellow iris, and cat-like black pupils, but that also looked demonic when compared to the black frame of my face.
Instead of having eyebrows, they, too, were cracks running along the upper edge of my eyes.
What caught my eye though (aside from the fact she/I had no fur) was the horn. Unlike the others, there was no grove spiraling around it.
It instead looked more like Sombra’s horn. Bent backward and a deep, red color, while being covered in what once again looked like cooled down lava, giving it a more dangerous look.
The flames that made up her hair and tail were yellow and bright, but there was also a bit orange mixed in.
I moved up my hand, and I saw myself moving up my hand. Deciding to stop pondering about this, I looked around, trying to see the book and the rings that quote-unquote ‘god’ gave us.
Eventually spotting both the book and the rings on my nightstand, I made my way over to them, noticing a note pinned down by the rings.
‘On your horns, they make you look ‘normal’ if your base form is close enough to what is normal in the dimension that you’re in,’ I read, picking them up.
When I put one of the rings on my horn, it slid down until it touched the base, then I could see myself changing. My fur vanished as well as my wings and horn, then my eyes turned into normal, human eyes with a brown iris. I essentially looked like a muscular, African woman.
Were it not for the fact that my hair was a bright orange color.
Testing the rings out on the others, they, too, turned into women, but for some reason the clothes they wore vanished while doing so. I choose to ignore that for now.
Celestia and Nightmare Star became white women, and Daybreaker had slightly darker skin. Aside from Celestia, who had pink hair, the others had orange hair again.
Interestingly, I was still genderless and now noted that the same applied to to the other three as well. Were alicorns just genderless or was it some property of the rings?
But how does that explain Cadence, then? Musings for a different time, I guess.
We also were about 1.9 m in ‘human’ form, while as anthromorph ponies (not counting the horns) each of 'us' was about 2.1 meters high.
'Our' faces all looked similar enough that we could be mistaken for siblings, and another thing I noted was that the canines of all but Celestia were bigger than normal, about one and a half times their usual, human size.
Interestingly, it seemed like this was not a transformation, but a mix out of transformation and illusion. I could still feel the fur on my bodies (well, save Flare’s), but we did shrink down to 1.9 meters of height.
I wondered how this mix was possible.
Next, I picked up the book that was lying below the rings and the note. It had the title ‘basic magic along the universes’, and I found myself snorting upon reading that title.
The introduction spoke about the fact that most magic was almost the same throughout the universe, and then started talking about some technical stuff I really didn’t understand.
I skipped over the introduction and then opened the first chapter about mana manipulation.
That sounded advanced, but what did I know?
‘Mana manipulation: Sounds hard, sometimes is, and absolutely necessary for almost every type of magic.
Before you can start casting spells, you need to be able to draw upon your magic. For that, you need to feel your magic first. Meditation is a good starting point for this.
Concentrate and ignore everything around you. Ignore your sense of sight, sound, and hearing. Only focus inwards and do so until you can feel something more inside of you. Depending on the amount of magic you have, this could be the easiest or hardest step in learning how to utilize it.
Eventually, you should feel your magic inside of you. If you don’t, you should search something that can help you focus, like a wizard’s wand if you are in a world where magic is something that is known.
Alternatively, you could use the rune at the end of this chapter to make drawing out your magic easier.
When you have found your magic, the next step is to form it. Bring it up to wherever you want to focus it, then form it there in a sphere. Move it around and then make it as weak as possible without completely absorbing it.
Many spells require both enormous amounts of magic and incredible fine control over it at the same time. For that reason, you should also learn how to regulate the flow of mana, and many beginner’s spells can be overloaded by even an amateur who has nearly no magic.’
I, in turn, sat down on my bed again, my hunger forgotten, and started to do exactly that.
After a few seconds or hours, (I really couldn’t tell,) I sensed a white, hot glowing ball of energy inside of ‘me’. The interesting part was that I felt that only once – even though I should feel it four times, mediating with four bodies.
Trying to coax a bit of magic out of it, I then felt four small orbs of energy splitting off it. It seemed that whatever the ‘origin’ of my magic was is bound to my consciousness, and not my bodies.
Opening my eyes again, I blinked upon realizing that the horns had become half-visible again, the energy that was split off now running along them.
‘Celestia’ had a soft, golden glow along her horn.
‘Solar Flare’ had a dark orange color running along her horn, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of the color of her horn or of her magic.
‘Daybreaker’ had a deep, aggressive red color along her horn.
And ‘Nightmare Star’ a sickly looking, grey-ish yellow tone.
Interestingly, that magic – because what else could it be – was quite warm, and I could tell that only ‘Celestia’s’ Magic was not so hot it would cause burns on anything alive it touches.
Drawing back the magic, I managed to make it vanish again, and then I concentrated solely on ‘Celestia’, trying to only bring forth her magic. Once again, since I now only focused on one body alone, I could do things with much greater precision.
Remembering the feeling the magic caused in my horn, and drawing upon it again, I found it quite easy to draw up the magic again.
The real question was what to do with it.
Before I opened up the next chapter of the book, I realized I was a bit hungry, and I shrugged, before standing up and stretching. I could tell that my wings moved while doing so, but they did not touch the bed or the wall like they should have.
The only thought I had was pocket dimensions, and I choose to just ignore the question of where my wings were right now. Probably better for my sanity, too.
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May the Clone Wars begin... :D
So your saying they are the pokemon equivalent to dittos?
You two...
10473678
Doggogo, the fur coveres the privates of ponies, and the disguises are mainly illusions.
Flare and Nightmare can shapeshift for different reasons, but Celestia and Daybreaker are still 'normal' ponies - as normal as alicorns can get, in any case.
10472138
Feynna, you don't even know half of it yet.
Any other questions?
10473708
Mhhh, I sense foreshadowing... My dear Moterius, don't you dare disappoint me! Sate my fantasies! ;D
10473712
I just checked.
You will have to wait for about 60 000 words until we get to that point.
+ / - 10%.
10473723
Ah, well... nothing like a bit of eager anticipation can't help with. I'll be patient. ;)
10473725
The real question here is how long that'll take, tho.
I'm not the worst by a long shot, but not the best, either, and am working on some other projects (I have a FanFiction account and other stories that need a rewrite), too.
10473737
No matter how long I have to wait, you won't be getting rid of me! *laughs like a villainess*
10473708
You said genderless and I know the mc is looking all over his/her body. Why can't he do a goku pat to see if male or female like db? What I meant is they could probably breed with anything if they get offspring is up to you.
P.s. they can also adopt. Like how she turned into the queen in your old take.
10473747
*Raises something that looks slightly eyebrow-like whilst opening the portal further*
You have no idea who you just challenged.
10473750
Long story short: they're still (technically) female and I don't watch DBZ.
Also, as you may have noted, they are as someone might imagine them when hearing their names, especially Flare and Nightmare, not corresponding to what they were 'canonically'.
Flare is animated lava, and unless changed, a female sihoulette is all she is, while Nightmare is something along the lines of a Tantabus. Just not as strong as Luna's would have been, would it have escaped. Therefore, those two are genderless; the other two are female.
10473774
Ok one db not dbz its goku when he is a kid. It shows that he lived in the country side and didn't know the difference between genders so he would pat them on the crotch to know. Second something like the tantabus is made of dream so it can molded by research. Now the other lava/earth golem you can still mold as well given you have to worry about the heat but that can be dealt with. Also if you want offspring related by blood to them. Do the fanfic solution for lesbians magic seed. I'm not saying do this but giving you choices on how to mold your story. (Also if they figure out the ring they could make a stronger illusion/transformation.)
10473801
Well, you're not wrong with that one, but I am not sure how right you are with that, either. Haven't written anything connected to that yet.
Please note that 'they' are not aware that Nightmare is a dream creature at this point, treating her like another alicorn. Since her powers are almost exactly the same in this case, they'll not discover anything amiss during their stay on earth.
Also, are you referring to this or this kind of 'solution'?
10473818
Hmm... While I only read ero sometimes when they are interesting or mostly to torture myself with descriptive stories. Its a kinda. I was using ditto as an example because he can breed with both. Also the lesbian couples in equestria probably have spells to fill the male role like the magic seed. The gender ratio in most equestrias are more female to male that is what I'm saying. (Or you can do a Zeus with Athena the thought baby.)
10473871
As I know myself this probably will end up more along the lines of Vavacung's comics.
10473908
I remember faces not names so just give me a second to search. And is that the whole name of the creator of those comics?
10473937
Yes, as far as i know. The comic I'm referencing is 'Crazy Alternate Future Part 1: Testing, Testing'
10473941
Haa... You hurt me with more porn but yes something like that or later on having a world where celestia is male so the mc can have a male form like before the rewrite where he got his sister/self plasma?
10473963
I'll just keep my thoughts on that matter for me.
To be honest, I haven't even considered that idea (much).
By the way, I'll probably link the Discord server I set up ages ago for discussions like this tomorrow, I believe we got a bit off-topic.
On that topic, it's getting late in Europe, so I'll probably sign off for the night soon.
10473971
Yeah I been told I get off topic a lot and have a short attention span. Anyways I'll be sure to join the group have a good night/day and I'll talk to you when I get message to join that group or see it in author's notes. Take care.
10474030
After some... technical difficulties with the Discord server (thinking is hard), I created an invite.
The link can be found here, and I'd gladly discuss with you all ideas and commissions while keeping you up-to-date on current projects.
The first two chapter are already a massive improvement iver your old version. I'm glad you kept your old one around, as it's good to compare old to new and see just how far you've come. I shall continue to read and support you as much as possible in your endeavors. ^c^
I realize I'm a wee bit late, but one quick thing:
In this paragraph you used the word 'Thorough', when you seem to have meant to use the word 'Throughout'.
-Oxford Dictionaries
Example: The detective made a thorough sweep for clues.
-Oxford Dictionaries
Example: The years of rain had caused severe water damage throughout the building.
10499329
TBH, I don’t look up grammar rules when writing, I go with what feels right.
Thanks for pointing out, though. Maybe I’ll remember it.
1. Where the hell is anthro tag?
2. Speak to God or not, loosing your original body and getting four demons instead is not something that can be ever accepted without any reaction whatsoever.
3. I sure hope you remember the rating you set.
in my opinion you shouldn't destroy a story to rewrite it
and just start again with the title as story 2.0 or story new version
or something
more has already been done then ...
Arching? Sounds constructive
10551676
Same. I'm not a fan of anthro, so having no tag is downright deceitful. I'm done reading this.
10719650
A) I asked for constructive criticism
B) My belief is that the 'Anthro' tag is meant for stories either focussing on them being that, or for stories playing in such a world. This is neither.
I have just read this.
• A lot of description, I don't really take in much information on the precise appearance of a character while reading.
• Learning of magic seemed a bit too quick for my tastes. I personally like it when magic is more difficult to learn and takes multiple chapters to work out. This point is just personal preference.
• This story is anthro. Anthro, in my opinion, refers to any stories in which a quadrupedal species (ponies) are depicted as bipeds. This could either be where the protagonist is in an anthro Equestria or they themselves become an anthro pony. I personally dislike reading anthro, as I like ponies to be quadrupeds and not simply modified humans. Therefore, in the rare case that I do read a story containing humanified 'pony' characters, I like to mentally replace human words with ponified words. In terms of this story, I'll let it slide if the anthro versions of the four bodies do become properly ponified and brought onto four legs when the protagonist reaches Equestria. I do think it could have been interesting if at least one of the bodies retained a pony chassis and then he'd have had to deal with switching between quadrupedal and bipedal motions.
So far, I think I'll read for a bit longer. The story seems okay so far, but will likely get better further in. I'm curious as to how other humans may find the anthro pony bodies who share a mind. Also, does the protagonist have any friends or family who wonder where he's gone? Or any neighbours/friends who'll suddenly notice three human females suddenly living in a house where a single human male used to live. I shall proceed to the next chapter. I really should be revising physics for my mock exams though.