9452837 Somewhere on my hard drive I've still got some old fic writing about 14+ years ago when I was in my late teens-early 20's. I've always wanted to go back and clean the writing up. I've just never had the courage to go back and face that mess. But even if I did, I don't think I could ever change the story, just the wording. It was my story that I wanted to tell at the time.

So I fully get what you're saying, I never really did much writing after that until recently really. But I've learned a fair number of lessons since then. That's why I try to make helpful criticisms having been there at the beginning once, and I'm seeing small things. Such as "hastefully" at the end of chapter 4 when it should be "hastily". It's those small things that make the difference between a mediocre read and a really fascinating read.

If I was some form of an examiner, I would not give this story much credit, but because the premise is interesting and as a fellow fic writer I can see the potential in this story, that's why I'm still reading. Sexually explicit is not my forte but most writers could benefit from re-reading or getting a proof-reader on their story to help them see the small things they miss.

So before this reply back becomes a short essay. Definitely keep writing your own story but also remember to proof-read it. That way you can turn a good story into a great read.

I Originally planned to write a scene where Trixie told Twilight that she planned on killing herself before she had found her, which is why I had the suicide tag, but I couldn't find a way to write this in the story without it seeming tacked on. I also have been getting more and more ideas for the story that would qualify it as an Alternate Universe, so I took of the Suicide tag and put the Alternate Universe tag on,

One Idea I may or may not end up adding in is that Sunburst never existed and that Starlight's best foalhood friend was Sunset, but I won't do that If you guys don't want me to. Let me know which you would prefer by either responding to this comment or PMing me.

9454451
I hope you do end up using this idea, sunset's a lot more fun to read about than Sunburst.

"I'm glad that you asked. You see, my pet, it turns out that all alicorns are futanari. They combine the best of Every kind of pony, after all. Alicorns naturally have huge dicks compared to that of a stallion's but mine is a bigger than the average for an alicorn. Standing at thirty four inches long and nine inches wide. Trixie gaped at those numbers.

I'm pretty sure fully grown (Earth) Stallions don't even get half that length much less girth, I can't even imagine whats described in my head.

9471945
Lol

9471945
I’m over six feet tall. That monstrosity is longer than my leg and wider than the thickest part of my thigh. There are pieces of field artillery smaller than that cock.

9479237
lol

9479237
Oh my gosh! That's funny a in good way!!

Standing at thirty four inches long and nine inches wide.

Jesus Fucking Christ

9578698
xD

That's a cute chapter but oh my God her cock is 3 feet long!?

just for reference her dick be 1'6" inches shorter than the barrel on this naval artillery and about that thick. upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3f/Japanese_Type_3_Navy_80mm_AA_Gun.jpg/300px-Japanese_Type_3_Navy_80mm_AA_Gun.jpg

10403596
yeah in the remake im going to forgo giving specific sizes lol.

Standing at thirty four inches long and nine inches wide.

SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP