Displaced, But Nothing Goes Right

by BradyBunch

If I Awaken A New Power and Get A New Body, But Nightmare Moon Gets The Better of Me

I reached out my arm imploringly, willing the sword to return to my hand. I thought about Luke Skywalker in the Wampa cave, and emptied my head of any other resolve I had, focusing instead on my desire to fight.

The sword began to levitate, buzzing slightly as my will took control.

Nightmare Moon let out a triumphant cackle as she fired a heavy laser blast at me.

The Zankaputo, however, shot between me and the laser blast, deflecting the projectile down at Nightmare's hooves. It threw a fountain of pebbles and rubble into her face, making her stumble.

The large sword then zoomed to my hand, and as it connected, I felt a surge of power run through my arm and into the handle. My mind became clear as my instincts took control. I felt as if I knew exactly what to do in that given moment. My nerdiness melted away. I even felt the fat on my hips sloughing off and evaporating. I was turning into a warrior.

After I felt the metamorphosis end, I looked down and gasped. Because my robe was open, displaying my chest, I could see the change that had taken place. I was now totally ripped. As in, row upon row of abs, like Eren Yeager's Attack Titan. My biceps were the size of my calves, and my calves were as thick as my thighs. My hair had grown longer and more frazzled, and my normally imperfect vision was now 20/20.

Planting the sword tip into the ground, I stood up and stared down the alicorn devil.

For her part, she looked as if she knew exactly what was happening.

“What is happening?!” she cried.

Never mind.

“Isn't it obvious?” I asked as casually as I could, keeping my ecstatic voice from trembling. “I've become a Shinigami Jedi!” I swung the massive sword experimentally. “A...a ShiniJedi!”

Nightmare facehooved and winced. It made sense for it to hurt, given her ornate metal shoes. “That has got to be the worst possible thing I have ever heard since returning from the moon.”

“Well, yeah, but you only returned from the moon a few hours ago,” I pointed out helpfully.

“And it maketh me want to return to the moon once more!” she retorted. “What pride is there in reigning over a world with you in it?”

That hurt. But as I reflected on her hurtful statement, it also presented an opportunity to permanently solve this problem.

“How about I take you up on that?” I asked.

For the first time, Nightmare Moon looked confused. “What sayest thou?”

“If you return to the moon, then you won't be bothered by me anymore,” I patiently explained, like a teacher telling his students that two and two equal four. Being in this new fabulous, hunky body made me feel a little arrogant, I admit. “Come on, I think you don't want to be around me for much longer, right?”

“Thou...makest a good point,” she admitted, a hoof to her chin. “Thou art indeed so cringeworthy that it maketh every instinct in my body to tell me to flee from thee. If we are on different celestial bodies, we have no quarrel.”

“Now you're getting it!” I sarcastically applauded, ignoring the insult of cringeworthy.

Nightmare's face brightened deviously. “If we are on different celestial bodies...we have no quarrel!” She grinned, as mischievous as her tone.

That grin threw me off. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I want to get as far away from you as possible, but I also want to rule Equestria, so…” She shrugged, igniting her horn with a smirk. “I'll have my cake and eat it too. Enjoy my banishment!”

Before I could respond, I felt myself disappear from the world in the snap of a finger.

---

It was pressing all around me. I didn't know what it was, but it was cold and coming everywhere, tightening my blood vessels and squeezing my eyes from their sockets.

I let go of my Zankaputo, and it lazily drifted off in the cold heart of space.

Looking up, I saw a lush blue planet with large spots of green hanging there in space.

Looking down, I saw the barren grey surface of an ancient volcanic land.

Oh, shoot.

Then I died.

Author's Note:

At this point I think this has become a Groundhog Day of a fic!

Comments

[The Bricklayer]

At this point I think this has become a Groundhog Day of a fic!

No shit.