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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So Cadance likes lonely moms. Good to know
So no hyperactive alicorne filly, but a dragon one. Magic vs fire I wonder what is worse when raising a child.
9436636
now we begin with the witch doctor in full Ooh Eeh Ooh Aah Aah.
AWESOME
Whelp; good moves. (That's all i'm gonna say)
I still want more of this story
Hymnnnn.... i think cadance being 13 and led being 8 .. sounds better ... dont get mad hear me out.....she was twilights foalsitter.... when twilight sang her bbbff song she looked like a pre teen ... like applebloom in season 1 episode 1 ... when shining mimicking the guard means he was still to young to join but knew what he wanted to be.. So by making cadances age close to shinings since they meet before the guard ... 13 just seems closer for cadance and 8-9 seems closer to twilight... 5 to me just seems to young ...plus they got their cuttie marksl at around the same time as the rest of the mane six so fluttershy moving to ponyvile after she got her mark for example being 9-10 seems reasonable while 5-6 seems egggh ..well she could be slightly older then twi.... so you figure twi took the exam around 6-7 after magic kindergarten... give cadance a year to get to know led more then a passing acquaintance ...puts led around 8ish.... 9ish. Theres alot of societies who consider the age 15-16 adults so shining joining the guard then you minus a few years so cadance can date shining and foalsit twi Bamn 13.
A few societies still practice legal marrying age 11 and up so them hooking up isnt shocking.... pre arranged marriages arent new either ... celestia would probably encourage such a plan anyway. Instead of cadance having every nobel trying to sniff up her tail. If she has pre existing arranged marriage documents that shoots down alot of the nobels trying to suck up to her.
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That denifatly makes sence, and normaly I would go back into each chapter to fix this. The reason I'm not is bacuse this verson of Equestria is supposed to slightly change facts about the world and the inhabitants of said world. I mean I killed off Shining, that is just one of the changes I'm going to be making in the series.
In the words of Archer, "Uh... phrasing?" I half expected a boss fight.
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1:
[Adult story embed hidden]
2: one with both.
Going by Japanese rules, i guess?
9437000
I suppose
I know this is a bit of a self insert power fantasy (just a little bit)but I feel like the second half of this chapter was rushed and happened to early in the story I would have waited a few more years in the storyline maybe even waited until the time when Twilight would have been going off to ponyville additionally you might want to edit something and make it more clear that she is actually either in love or has a massive crush on cadence because it feels like cadence sensing her love comes out of nowhere
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I'll clarify the Leds feelings on Cadence. At the start his feelings for her were mostly lust and the need to replace Shining in the story to make sure nothing bad happended, Though over time these feelings grew into acual love to which Cadence senced. She didn't sence these feeling until after she bacame an alicorn and gained her empathic abilities(which she has in this story), and decided that she would wait until A)Led was of a legal age or B)Led aprroached her on his own, due to the fact that she had small amounts of feelings for him as well. It came to the forfront when Blueblood did that non con marrage thing. Led kissed Cadence to get Blueblood off her back and to shut him up. This leads into Cadence revealing her feelings and them getting together.
I hope that explains the pacing a bit. Sorry if said pacing was bad and I'll make note of it in the future.
Edit: I probably could have added a flashback or two to expand on their relationship... nah I'll do that in a later chapter.
Great work
Why are you using emoji's within a story? All you are doing is breaking the readers immersion within the text.
It's sorta not sorrta
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i've waited so long for a proper gamer story, good job
9438313
Thank you so much
Please Tell me were gonna see more of blueblood being the butt of the joke.
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maybe
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YEEEEEEEEES
Ummm....
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?
Uh. Wha? 11 year old... with a five year old....
9440910
9440910
accept it. love it. become one with it.
9440910
its fine like how its fine to lewd Rory mercury from G.A.T.E cause she is over 2000 years old
immortals: so long as the one the immortal loves is either another immortal or is at/above the age of consent then anything goes
ME: hold on a moment.......
*2 minutes later*
*drinks some water*
ME:
ME: LUCKY ASS BASTARD!? THIS IS LIKE A FANTASY ASS JAPAN!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
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https://youtu.be/SmvuRJzads4
agreed
TSBFF then.
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Technically even in our world equines have advantage over humans in how fast they start walking and communicate with each other. In the land where they are as smart that leads to faster personality development. So, 13 seems just about right.
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EXACTLY!
your welcome if not a bit late i just found this story
I'm sorry, but the pacing is so far beyond 'rushed' you went straight to plaid. In less than 5k words, the protagonist dies, gets reincarnated, grows up as Twilight's twin sister, finds out Shining Armor died, became Celestia's student and hooked up with Cadence.
Honestly, these first three chapters should be at least 15k words, and even then it would probably feel rushed.
On top of that, the character is already way out in the deep end of Mary Sueness.
So, yeah. I don't think I'll be continuing past chapter 3. You have potential, but at the moment, you just haven't met it.
And check this out. You find it helpful. https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/670924/fimfiction-tutorials-beginner-tips
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Thank you, I knew that the quality of my writing was poor compared to where I wanted it to be. Your guide gave me a few good ideas on how I could improve my stories.
I agree that I rush things way to much, and I don't think i have been properly conveying what kind of character that Led is, or what types of goals she has. So I'd like to thank you for directing me to a helpful guide as well as some very good hints.
......*fants*
when the kiss happened my jaw fell through the earth and got incinerated in the magma core so i'm currently growing a new one
Look at your acronym a little closer. You will see that there is no S but two B's.
Oh the typos, if I was more awake I would start editing this. Maybe tomorrow.
Moves a little fast but still a good story
Real life horses are more or less fully grown by age three, and humans stop growing taller by about twenty. Given how ponies are a strong mix between horse-like and human-like, thirteen seems like a reasonable age of consent.
9802808
stfw I loved it and don't be an ass hat!
9802808
I don't adopt this attitude much cause it's annoying but imma use it now
If you hate this fic so much, downvote, stop reading, and move on
9821988
I will the first to admit that these earlier chapters and some current ones are super rushed and poor quality, but it's as you said. I'm not forcing anyone to read them.
9822298
Terrible the start of the a fic is. Through trual and error you must go through for growth! MMMMMMMHM! NEED MORE YODA DOES!