About halfway through, I noticed that my eyes were watering. Damn ninjas cutting onions in here.

Well played good sir, well played.

Nut

“I'm feeling all fucked up too," she said with a weary sigh. Before Jet had a chance to respond, she summoned all her venom and fire, staring daggers across the table. "But let me be crystal… bucking... clear.

I detest you."

This paragraph break looks weird. Perhaps adding in some ellipses instead?

"But," Delta said, awkwardly drawing a small circle on the table with her hoof, "The sex was okay, I guess."

Jet's left eyebrow raised a millimeter, causing Delta to huff and gesticulate animatedly with her hooves. "Alright, it was damn good sex. When you weren't too lazy to fuck me, of course."

When you make these breaks with the same speaker, it messes me up as to who is speaking. Unless it's more than one paragraph of monologue from the same pony, I tend to keep it all formatted into one paragraph.

She could see thing eventually leading to some tired but simple drunk sex

Delta’s jaw dropped open as she saw the liquor: a 60-year old bottle of Glenhooffich scotch whiskey. “Th-this… this is like… a 1500-bit bottle of scotch! It’s not shitty over-priced pretentious crap. This is a bucking masterpiece... Aaaaand we’re about to drink it out of plastic cups.”

As a keeper of some very fine bourbons in my cellar, I just wanted to tell you how viscerally painful this was to read.

“Just shut your eyes and let daddy Jet take care of you…”

Oooh ho hoo that was close.

“F-fuck… I love… this…” Vee groaned out, unsure if she’d said or thought the forbidden phrase,
“I love… you..” She heard in her ears. She wasn’t sure who’d said it

Their theme song:

9337301
Thanks Shake! I agree with you on those changes, tuned it up a bit.

9337302
I thought Delta might beal a total wino in most things, but when it comes to quality liqueur she knows her stuff, and plastic cups are a travesty!

Glad you enjoyed Shake!

She should have been completely miserable. Covered in ichor, sweat, fluids. Smothered by a heavy, hot stallion that she detested. Torn up and betrayed by her own body, revolting against her feelings, and shamefully defeated by nothing more complex than a pleasure high.

But here, in this sweaty, perfect moment.

She was content.

She snuggled into Jet’s chest, resting her head under his chin and letting herself be completely covered by him, connect to him, melded with him.

Just like old times, huh Delta?

9337632
Probably in a way she isn't comfortable with.

Damn good man.
----
Definitely saw some mistakes. Don't care enough to fix them right now.

So, I know it's kind of the thing, but... Why is Delta such a bitch? In every single one of these, she immediately jumps to being a cunt, for no goddamn reason. It really makes it hard for me to like her at ALL.

Like, what, he got her pregnant? Did she not have any part in that? He didn't rape her, did he? (No, I know he didn't). She knew how biology worked, right? She could have put forth effort to, you know, not get pregnant. But she didn't, and that's automatically HIS fault.

Sorry to drop this here, but goddamn she is just intolerable.

before sliding out of her… her reversed direction and thrust his fat cock back into her,

he

He might even have decent at laying his pipe

have been

Delta’s shoulders slid down

shoulders,

Her stud’s pre-orgasmic throes were far long, now.

Hmm this one doesn't parse really well...

forward to try to plan a kiss

plant

*Fills a bucket full of yes*

I'm gonna need more buckets...

9338538
The canon comics heavily imply that Jet intentionally planned to get Delta pregnant to prevent her from leaving him to pursue a career opportunity. This is shown in a flashback to that evening.

However, I can admit that there's room for doubt, especially since it was Delta's flashback. Either Shinodage was illustrating as an omnipresent viewer of this moment or some memories are skewed because they are her's. I don't remember if he ever clarified this or not.

Yooooooo! You get better every time! Seriously hot writing to go with this amazing art by Shino. I love these characters so much now. (Almost as much as the real content) and that ending. Wow. Angry momma ponyo, happy??? With Jet?

I give it till they wake up till Jet fucks it up.

I don't like Delta and they're a complete mess, but you definitely write that mess well.

I do appreciate that in this and the previous chapter they do make a point to communicate that they want this and check it’s okay. Or ‘okay’ for this mess, but you know what I mean.

Proper good job, mate!

I came back and I really enjoyed watching or learning about them. Great article. I love it
(≧ω≦)