• Published 15th Nov 2018
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An Apple a Day - The Blue EM2

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Coming Home

As the last of the whistle continued to echo, Big Mac joined us, followed by Granny Smith. It had completely crossed my mind that she worked in the cafeteria, but that thought was promptly put onto the back burner as she spoke to me.

“You OK, Youngin’?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Headache’s gone.”

Applejack added something else. “She seems to have got most of her faculties back as well.”

Big Mac looked confused.

“Ah took a wrong turn out of the nurse’s office.”

The giant laughed. “Eeyup, I’ve done that more than once.”

It rolled around the bend, and into the car park.

A vision of red and gold, snorting steam and producing an almighty racket. It rolled forward, then did a two-point turn, backing up into one of the vacant spaces.

On its side was the nameplate Sadie. I was getting a ride home...on a traction engine!

Vice-Principal Luna stepped out onto the sidewalk. “No parking traction engines on the faculty lot!” she exclaimed.

Bright Mac looked back over. “Where else can Ah park her?” he asked. “The library?”

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Bright Mac and Pear Butter are alive in this world?

I sprinted over to the traction engine with a massive smile on my face.

Mac glanced in my general direction. “Well, howdy sugarcube,” he smiled. “How’s yer day been?”

“Apart from a collision with a door, good, thanks.”

Mac laughed. “C’mon y’all, let’s get this wagon train rollin’!”

We scrambled aboard, but I ended up getting wedged between Applejack and Big Mac on the back seat, whilst Granny Smith was one the left-hand side.

“Ah never was so keen on these steam machines,” she grumbled. “Reminds me of the old days in Cass when the Shays woke everyone up.”

Cass?

As in Cass Scenic Railroad?

I tried to suppress my excitement at this revelation, as it would have probably seemed a little odd.

Bright Mac reset the speed switch, and threw the traction engine into forwards. The machine wobbled forward, and rumbled onto the road, whistling as it did so.

The return trip was quite leisurely. Although we only moved along at 12 miles an hour, the autumn sun and falling leave made for a beautiful journey. It was a massive improvement of the suburbs of London, let me tell you!

However, this did lead to my first slipup.

As I looked around, with my mouth hanging open in amazement, I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder.

It was Big Mac's. “What’s so amazin’?” he asked. “This is the view we get every day!”

I had to think of a plausible response, fast, or else blow my cover. “We don’t, err...get as good a view of it as we are now!”

Bright Mac laughed. “That’s the truth!” he replied.

Applejack glanced behind us. “We seem ta have created a mighty traffic jam though.”

Alas, we had. Stretched behind us were irritated motorists, honking horns and looking very cross.

“Oh, who cares?” Granny Smith added. “We all need to slow down once in awhile. You youngin’s spend yer whole time rushin’ around!”

Applejack smiled. “Well, we only got 5 minutes to get between lessons, so we kinda have ta speed about.”

I decided to chime in. “The pace sure is nice, but the horns behind us? Less so.” It reminded me of traffic jams on the M25, when motorists honk angrily at each other for minutes on end.

It must have been half an hour before the farmhouse loomed out of the distance, framed by a parade of trees bedecked in their autumn colours. The trees were disturbed by the traction engine rolling up the slope, blasting the skies with steam and still making a racket. The trees provided a shady spot and a lovely cool breeze as we rolled to a stop in front of Sweet Apple Acres.

I think it was then it hit me. I was home.

I must have been lost in thought, as a voice called up to me. “You gonna get off anytime soon? ‘Cause I need ta put Sadie away for the night!”

I glanced over. “Sorry, musta been lost in thought.”

I climbed down from the cab, and put my foot onto the rear driving wheel to steady myself. But I must have put it on a muddy patch, as no sooner did my boot go onto it, I slipped.

I fell forward, straight toward the ground, and then-

-SPLAT!

I had landed in a muddy pool next to the traction engine, and boy did I look silly. My clothes, arms and face were covered in streaks of brown, and were also a bit wet.

“Apple Bloom!” I heard Applejack call, as she ran round to me. “You OK?”

I pushed myself out of the mud, and stood up. “Ah’m alright!” I called. “It were mah fault anyways. Put mah boot where it shouldn’t have been.”

Bright Mac walked around the side. “That looks more like an honest mistake to me,” he added. “Ah was gonna clean the muddy patch off that tire!”

The conversation was interrupted by a voice from the door. “Good evenin’, y’all!”

I looked over to see the kind face of Pear Butter at the door, with a smile on her face. “Ah trust y’all had a good day?”

“Eeyup!” Big Mac exclaimed.

“Boy was it busy though,” Applejack admitted. “We had so many bottles of Cider ta distribute!”

Cider?

Oh yes, cider is non-alcoholic in America, but it is in the UK. Part of the reason they didn’t air The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 in the UK.

Bummer.

Pear Butter walked over to me, noticing how silent I was. “Is everythin’ OK?” she asked. “You ain’t this quiet usually!”

“She walked into a door,” Big Mac explained. “She might still be a little concussed.”

Pear’s response was to hug me tightly. “Oh sweetie, Ah hope yer OK now!”

I gasped. “I...kinda...need ta breathe!”

Thankfully, Pear-or should I say Ma, as I needed to keep the pretence up-let go.

Then Grand Pear appeared. “Mac!” he called. “Ah hope Sadie performed well for you.”

“That she did!” Pa replied. “But we get the truck back tomorrow, so she can have a well-earned break.”

“She?” Pear asked. “That traction engine is named after mah brother, so it would be ‘he’!”

Granny Smith’s voice suddenly cut through all the conversation. “We have more important things ta do, so quit yer jabberin’ and let’s go inside!”

That we did, as Granny’s word was law. As we stepped in, my foot made contact with the floor of the kitchen, an environment I never thought I’d actually step into. It had a warm, homey feel to it, as would be expected of this sort of family.

Remembering to remove my boots, I stepped further inside to look around and find the stairs. It had that hazy feel of long-forgotten memories of childhood, the sort that end up at the back of your mind, only to reappear when engaging in nostalgia.

Which I suppose I was, being a 20-something guy stuck in the body of a 12-year old girl. The scale also looked completely wrong, but that might have been a consequence of having lost a foot or so of height whilst in the bathroom all those years ago. It certainly felt like years!

Some old paintings hung on the walls, alongside family portraits. One of the photographs was from a reunion a few years back, and myself and Babs were sitting in the middle, with the Apple family relatives from across the globe seated around (and in some cases, standing).

Leaving that thought behind, I headed up the stairs, which creaked in that satisfying manner that old stairs do. At the top was the landing, with an old mantlepiece also covered in photographs that needed a comprehensive dusting. I took the first door on the left.

Big Mac looked back. “Yer down the corridor!” he shouted.

“Oops, sorry!” I replied, closing it again and walking onwards.

It took a while to navigate the labyrinth, but at long last I found my room. I pushed the door open, to be greeted with a window opposite, a set of drawers, a desk with a lamp and PC, and a couple of posters on the walls. I put my bag down next to the desk and sat down in the chair.

I pulled open the draw to be immediately greeted with a bundle of pages marked ‘book report’. Scanning through it quickly, it rapidly became apparent there was only one chapter left to write about, which was a relief.

As I set to work on it, and obvious problem came about. I had a very different style of writing to Apple Bloom, and so I had to find a way of mimicking her writing without making it look contrived. So, I took up a pen, and decided to try and write.

After about 5 minutes, it still didn’t look right. It took multiple attempts to get it completely correct, but that final chapter was at last done. I kicked back, proud of my work.

A loud knock at the door caused me to fall out of my chair.

“Dinner’s ready!” called Applejack.

“Ah’m comin’!” I replied, jumping up and running through the door.

A delicious smell of beef, carrots and mashed potato rolled up the stairs. Utterly entrancing.

I took my seat at the table, and picked up a knife and fork.

I suddenly became aware that everyone was staring at me.

“Uhh...is somethin’ the matter?”

Applejack shook her head, a look of worry plastered on her face. “We don’t collect cutlery until AFTER everyone is served. That knock to the head must’ve made a mess of yer memory.”

The meal proceeded uneventfully apart from that mishap, and upon being concluded, I retired to my room.

I switched on the computer to try and find out what was going on in the world, only to be presented with the password screen!

What could it be? I thought. Then an idea struck me.

ZapApple.

The password was accepted, and I was barraged with a number of icons, including Microsoft Office programs, the Steam icon, and a few others.

I clicked on Steam to see what I had installed.

Farming Simulator 2014? Really?

At least Train Simulator 2014 was there in the list, but the problem was most of the good routes hadn’t been added at this point. True, Settle-Carlisle was there, but Woodhead was not! Not even Clear Creek!

I booted the game up anyway, and loaded one of the scenarios. I wasn’t hugely bothered which one.

I had just passed Ais Gill when there was a knock at the door.

“Yes?” I asked.

Applejack opened the door. “Everythin’ OK, sugarcube?”

I nodded. “Ah’m OK.” My phone suddenly beeped, indicating a text.

I looked at it. 3V3 World of Warships?

“Who was that?”

“Scootaloo,” I replied. “She’s suggested a multiplayer game.”

Applejack laughed. “Well, keep the chat turned off and remember to get an early night. It’s school tomorrow.”

I nodded. “Gotcha.”

Applejack closed the door, and walked down the corridor.

A few hours must’ve passed, as I looked at the clock.

21:00? I thought in alarm. I shut the computer down, and rifled through the draw for any nightwear.

A green nightgown looked most appealing, so I pulled that on after getting undressed first. After doing my teeth, I jumped into bed and flicked off the light.

The next morning my ears were filled with music. I knew this one!

Applejack was playing bass, and Big Mac on guitar. It was Raise this Barn from Apple Family Reunion!

I grabbed the fiddle lying in its case next to the bed and joined in. The fact I didn’t even know how to play the violin didn’t occur to me, because suddenly I could!

Was this leftover muscle memory? Or was I imparted with this knowledge when I transformed?

Argh, I had no idea whether I was truly me anymore!

After getting showered, dressed, and had breakfast, we set off for school on Sadie. The journey in was equally scenic, the sun giving a beautiful frame to the scene before us. We pulled into the lot, and this time I made sure not to smack into the floor. That would be painful on tarmac.

Not much of note happened, apart from a math lesson. We were presented with the issue of algebra, or as I prefer to call it, ‘how long is a piece of string?’ But it was explained in a horrible and utterly waffly way. No wonder none of my classmates understood a word.

I looked over to Scootaloo. She mouthed ‘this is gibberish’, to me.

I gave her a thumbs up.

Mr Discord, the math teacher, looked over. “Perhaps Miss Bloom would care to explain how to do algebra.”

I assumed he was serious, and answered. “Ah’ll give it ma best shot.” I got up, and started writing on the board.

“Now, how long is a piece of string?” I asked the class.

“6 inches!” someone said.

“8 inches!” said another.

I nodded. “Both of those answers are correct, because it depends on the length of the piece of string.”

I turned back to the board. “Now then, how do we represent these answers?”

I drew two more lines on the board.

“X!”

There were murmurs of approval from the group, as the idea suddenly made sense.

Mr Discord spoke up. “That’s all very good, but how do you do this one?”

He wrote the following on the board:

5x+10y=3x+4y.

I smiled. “Child’s play.”

I wrote on the board, explaining my working as I went along.

“First, you gotta make each part equal on either side. We’ll eliminate the ‘x’s first. Subtract ‘3x’ from both sides.”

I performed the addition, leaving us with 2x+10y=4y.

“One step to go,” I said. “We gotta remove the ‘y’s. So what do we do?”

I removed 10y from both sides, leaving us with 2x=-6y.

“Now we need to divide by 2.”

This left us with x=-3y.

Mr Discord looked astonished. “That’s correct!” he said. “I’ll give you a merit for that.”

I nodded. “Thank ya, sir.” I returned to my desk.

Mr Discord addressed the class. “I couldn’t have explained that better myself. So now, questions. Answer these 10 questions before the end of the lesson.”

Safe to say, the lesson ran smoothly, and the students were thankful for my help. As we exited, another day concluded, Scootaloo spoke to me.

“I never knew you were that good at math!” she exclaimed. “You could make a career out of helping people!”

“Thanks Scoots,” I replied. “Ah wonder if it’s mah special talent.”

“It could well be,” she said. “Well, see you tomorrow.”

“See ya!” I called, as the family truck pulled into the lot.

When I got in, my phone buzzed with a text. I looked at it, and it was from Pip.

Hello Bloom, just checking to make sure you remember about tonight.

I froze in fright. What was this about tonight?

Author's Note:

Newest chapter is up. This was fun to write, and I have actually driven a traction engine (under supervision).

See you this evening!