The Neighanderthal

by Mr. Grimm

Lost in Translation

Tarpan awoke, and became aware of a chill in the air around him. Being partial to glacial temperatures, he found this pleasant. Slowly he opened his eyes, and found himself being watched by eight anxious mares. The apprehensive look on their faces faded somewhat as he looked into them. They began to talk quietly among each other in the language Tarpan didn’t know. He ignored it and instead focused on another noise he was hearing, which sounded like the rapid beats of an insect’s wings. His ears and eyes searched for its source, and he soon found it. The Neighanderthal found himself to be surrounded by strange objects, each one bearing a spinning part that produced a cool breeze. Tarpan was at the center of this arrangement, laying on one of the sitting-beds that he had been laid on earlier.

He looked around some more, and realized he was no longer in the forest. Memories of fighting the Horn-Teeth returned, though they were somewhat hazy due to feverous state he had been in at the time. Tarpan was feeling better now, as he was no longer in the unbearable heat that the Southern Folk were used to. The Neighanderthal watched as three of the mares separated themselves from the group. The one who called herself Twilight Sparkle and the two chieftains huddled together and spoke in whispers. From their hushed tone and the way they kept glancing back at him, Tarpan decided he must have been the object of their conversation.

His eyes widened as the three of their horns began to glow. They grew even wider as they moved toward him. Tarpan did not see malice on their faces, but it frightened him all the same when they pointed their horns at his forehead. The Neighanderthal voiced his displeasure, and for a moment they drew away. Then he heard the soft, gentle voice of the cream colored mare. He looked over to see her smiling warmly at him. Tarpan did not know why, but the sound of her speech projected a sense of security, as if she were a mother speaking to her child. She seemed to be assuring him that they meant no harm. Though he still felt it unwise to do so, the Neighanderthal laid back against the sitting-bed and allowed the mares to touch their horns to his forehead.

Tarpan’s view suddenly consisted of nothing but a hazy purple light that seemed to rush along the surface of his eyeballs like a waterfall. That was the only part of the experience he would ever comprehend clearly. The parts that came afterward made him feel like he had eaten some of the idiocy-inducing plants that grew on the other side of the mountain.

Twilight bit her lip as she waited for the spell to come into effect. She hoped that there was nothing in Tarpan’s biology that would cause his body to react badly to the spell. So far nothing indicated her concerns to be true, though Tarpan held his head groggily in his hooves as he began to sit up. Everypony backed away from the couch to give him room, sidestepping between the fans that circled the relic. Slowly, Tarpan looked up and around. Twilight stepped toward him, eager to see if it had worked.

“…Tarpan,” she breathed, breaking the heavy silence, “Can you understand me?” Tarpan’s gray eyes grew very wide, and his mouth fell open in shock. Everypony leaned in closer, waiting for the Neighanderthal to reply.

“Y-…yes…” he finally said. A relieved smile spread across Twilight’s face. The unicorn confidently trotted over and sat down beside him as the rest of her friends gathered around the couch.

“Tarpan,” said the lavender mare, slowly and carefully as if speaking to a child, “We used our magic so that we can understand each other. It’s called a spell.”

“Tha…Thankgh…Y-euww…” Tarpan’s mouth twisted oddly as he attempted to reply, as if he were speaking with great difficulty. Twilight’s relief gave way to concern. She looked back at everypony else with a nervous frown.

“Tarpan,” she asked quietly, “Are you okay? Does something feel wrong?” Tarpan frowned and looked away for a moment.

“-t’s…it’s…hard to Tawhlk…” He paused and grimaced as his throat and mouth moved awkwardly with effort, “Hard to Speghk…Th-…Hard to Tawhlk words…” Twilight’s eyes suddenly became wide, as if she were remembering something of great importance.

“Oh no…” she breathed as she put her head in her hooves.

“Twilight, what’s wrong with him?” asked the confounded Applejack, “Why can’t he talk?”

“He can’t speak our language…” muttered Twilight, her words muffled by her hooves. This drew a questioning look from her friends.

“But the spell,” cried Luna, “Was it not but a farce?”

“The spell worked,” Twilight moaned from her hooves, “He knows our language. But he can’t speak it.” She rose up from her miserable slouch and sighed, taking in a deep breath to steady herself before turning to Tarpan. Everypony grew quiet as they sensed an imminent explanation from the studious mare.

“Some archeologists think Neighanderthals had a different way of speaking than we do,” she sighed dejectedly, “There were a small number of anatomical differences found in the vocal tract.” She paused for a moment. “I think he’s physically incapable of coherently speaking our language.” Twilight looked over at Tarpan. From the unhappy look on his face, it was clear he understood.

“Well, he can still understand us, right?” said Dash, trying to make light of the situation, “That’s a start.” The cloud of seriousness that had been hovering over them seemed to have been lifted as they realized the truth in the Pegasus’s words.

“She’s right,” said Celestia, “He can understand us now.” She moved over to the Neighanderthal, smiling warmly. “Now that you know what we’re saying, I want to personally thank you for saving us from the Lybbarde. My sister and I, as well as our friends, are grateful.” A smile appeared on Tarpan’s face; the first smile he’d shown all day. Pinkie suddenly let out a shriek of joy.

“He can smile!” cried the happy pink mare as she began to bounce around the couch, “Do you know what this calls for?” Twilight frowned.

“Uh, Pinkie,” she said, “I don’t think he’s ready--”

“A party!” Pinkie said in sing-song, “And not just any party! A ceremonial Saving-Us-From-A-Lybbarde-And-Learning-A-New-Language-Party! To the Party Cave!” The baker suddenly raced out of Fluttershy’s cottage, leaving everypony silently staring after her. Tarpan glanced over at Twilight and pointed a hoof out the door in the ecstatic mare’s direction.

“…Crazy?…”

Comments

[Dirty Bit]

Hah! That last line

[RavynKarasu]

1314437

Agreed. It's win

[JBL]

Indeed she is, Tarpan, indeed she is...