The Neighanderthal

by Mr. Grimm

The Princesses Pay A Visit

Celestia was sipping from her afternoon tea when a scroll suddenly landed in her lap. Guessing correctly that it was from her student, she unrolled the paper and began to read. Expecting a report on friendship, the alicorn was quite surprised to learn that Twilight had instead written to tell her that she and her friends had revived a prehistoric pony, and that they required her presence to determine what was to be done about it. The princess looked over at her sister, who had joined her for tea, but too busy to engage in conversation as she was trying to master a hoof-held gaming device.

“Luna,” Celestia said, “I’ve just received some amazing news.” Her indigo sister grunted in annoyance, as the statement distracted her and caused her character to fall into a pool of lava.

“Is it amazing enough that thou had to interrupt us whilst we play Death-Raider 2?” she grumbled.

“Something’s happened in Ponyville,” began the solar alicorn, only to be interrupted by her sister.

“Something’s always happening in Ponyville,” retorted Luna as she hit the restart button, “It seems that we can’t turn our backs without it being attacked by monsters or demolished by insects.” Celestia rolled her eyes and magicked the game out of her sister’s hooves. The lunar alicorn made a wild grab for the game, but her hooves fell upon empty air as Celestia teleported it to another part of the castle. Luna glared at her sister, pouting childishly.

“Thou are a cruel and merciless tyrant,” she growled, “We had yet to arrive at the fifth checkpoint.”

“Honestly, Luna, I wish I’d never even shown you these things” huffed Celestia, “They’re nothing but a distraction.” Luna sighed noisily and crossed her forelegs.

“Alright, alright. What is it?”

“They accidentally brought back a Neighanderthal,” said the solar princess, waiting for the look of amazement to show up on her sister’s face. When it failed to do so, Celestia sighed again. “You don’t know what a Neighanderthal is, do you?”

“We haven’t the foggiest,” replied Luna.

“It’s a prehistoric species of pony,” said Celestia, “They went extinct thousands of years ago. One, however, has recently been thawed out in Ponyville, and is alive.” Luna took on a look of puzzlement, cocking her head to one side.

“But why does this concern us?” she asked.

“Think about it, Luna,” Celestia said, “He’s been gone for far longer than you have. He’s the last of his kind, comes from a dead culture that we know nothing about, and only speaks a language that nopony understands.”

“Oh,” muttered Luna, “I see. So, what are we to do about it?”

“First we need to meet him and speak with Twilight and her friends. We’ll decide what needs to be done from there.” The alicorn magicked up a quill and paper to reply to her student.

Twilight nervously paced back and forth in her living room as she awaited the arrival of the princesses, breaking her strides as she looked over at Tarpan, who was opening and closing cabinets. Also watching him were the other five elements of Harmony, who made sure to keep him from getting into anything he wasn’t supposed to.

“So what do you think the Princesses are going to do?” asked Rarity. Twilight shrugged uncertainly in response.

“I’m not sure,” she said, “I know there were ponies who taught Luna about modern Equestria, but she was only gone for a thousand years.”

“So he was gone for a few more millennia,” said Dash, “What difference does that make?”

“Luna’s world only changed,” replied the unicorn, “Tarpan’s is gone entirely.” The cyan Pegasus became quiet as she processed this thought, and looked over at the placid relic with a trace of nervousness.

“He’s gonna be ticked when he figures that out,” she mumbled.

“Well, maybe he’ll like modern Equestria,” suggested Pinkie, “I mean, we got all kinds of new shiny things that he’s never seen before! And there aren’t as many scary critters running around like in the Paleo-whatzit era.”

“Thank goodness for that,” said Rarity, her eyes transfixed on an illustration of a monstrous draconic creature in Twilight’s copy of ‘A Look At Equestria’s Prehistory’, “I can’t imagine how ponies survived with such horrid beasts roaming about.” Spike, who as usual sat near Rarity whenever she was around, had to disagree with her opinion.

“I kind of think it looks awesome,” he said with ancestral pride, “Hey Twilight, do you think I’m related to this guy?” The dragon turned the book to his purple friend. She examined the picture for a moment before looking at Spike with sly amusement.

“I don’t think you’d want to be,” she replied, “That’s a Draconasaurus Rex. They ate other dragons.” Spike looked back at the picture, his eyes now wide and fearful.

“Oh,” was all he was able to say. Before anything else could happen, there was a knock at the door. Twilight dashed over and magicked it open, revealing the two regal alicorns.

“Good afternoon, Twilight,” Celestia said with a smile. Her student smiled back, stepping aside to let them in.

“Good afternoon,” replied the purple mare, “Thank you for coming. I’m sorry to bother you, it’s just that this situation seemed kind of important.”

“It’s no trouble at all,” said the solar alicorn, “It was actually kind of slow today in Canterlot, and Luna and I weren’t doing anything important.”

“We were,” quipped Luna, clearly still miffed about the confiscation of her game, “Until our sister so rudely interrupted us.” Twilight looked questioningly at her mentor, who responded by silently pantomiming the movements of a pony using a handheld gaming device. Twilight smiled understandingly, as she knew all too well of the indigo alicorn’s fascination with them.

“So then, where is ‘Tarpan’?” Celestia asked as she looked around the library. She quickly spotted him, as it would be hard to miss a distinctly shaggy stallion digging around in the cabinets. He suddenly lifted his massive head to look back at the princesses, his eyes growing wide as he noticed their graceful forms and shining regalia. Twilight trotted over to the relic and introduced them.

“Tarpan,” she began, pointing her hoof at the solar alicorn, “This is Princess Celestia.” She then pointed at the princess of the night. “And this is Princess Luna.” From the look on his face, it was clear that Tarpan understood them both to be of great importance. He approached them with an air of heavy respect, bowing his head as he neared. The Neighanderthal spoke to them in his language, saying something that sounded like a greeting.

“Um…Good afternoon,” said Celestia, somewhat unsure of how to address the strange stallion. Seconds after she had spoken, Luna stepped beside her and made an attempt.

“We welcome thee to our kingdom,” she announced, “And hope thou finds it pleasant.” She paused as she shot a look at her sister. “Unless of course, thou wishes to play Death-Raider 2. Then thou shall have a horrible time here.” Celestia glared flatly at her sister.

“What?” Luna shrugged, “’Tis a jest. Thou said he can’t understand our words anyway.” Celestia sighed and turned back to Tarpan.

“You’ll have to forgive my sister,” she said, “Sometimes she can be a petty and small-minded brat.”

“Hey!” the indigo alicorn cried indignantly, “We said it was a jest!” Tarpan stood blankly, his eyes swiveling to Twilight as if asking for some kind of explanation. The purple mare grinned sheepishly as she was unable to provide one.

“This isn’t a time for jests, Luna,” Celestia said, her voice serious and calm, “This fellow needs help. Please try and remember what it was like when you returned.” Luna’s eyes suddenly widened as she realized the depth of the situation. She also recalled the terror she’d felt when she encountered a flushing toilet for the first time.

“We…understand,” gulped the alicorn, the roar of the porcelain machine echoing in her mind, “We shall try and be more serious.”

“Thank you for cooperating,” the solar Alicorn said as she turned to the elements of Harmony, “Now then, let’s find the best course of action. Do any of you have ideas?” There was a short silence as the six ponies thought. Finally, Rainbow Dash raised her hoof.

“Yes, Rainbow Dash?”

“I was wondering earlier about how Luna got taught about living in modern times by some ponies,” said the Pegasus, “I mean, couldn’t they teach him?” Both Celestia and Luna thought about this option, but before they could give their input, Twilight spoke up.

“I don’t think we should rush into something like that,” she said, “Canterlot might be too much for him. Besides, he needs to learn more than just customary things.”

“Twilight is right,” said Celestia, “Chances are he needs to learn about how society works.”

“But first he should probably learn our language,” suggested Luna, “If we are to teach him, he must know what we are saying.”

“Don’t ya’ll have a spell fer that?” asked Applejack, “Some kinda communicatin’ magic or somethin’?” Twilight smiled, looking a little embarrassed.

“Well, actually yes,” she said, “But I’m a little reluctant to use it. Do you all remember the spell that gave Rarity wings?”

“The really, really super-duper hard one?” replied Pinkie Pie. Twilight nodded.

“It’s about ten times harder than that one,” she said, “Learning an entire language isn’t easy, even with magic.”

“Um, I have an idea…” Everypony looked over at Fluttershy, who had been silent the entire time.

“Would you please share it with us?” asked Luna, trying her best not to frighten the timid Pegasus.

“Oh, of course,” Fluttershy said, “I was just thinking, um, that maybe we could teach him how to live in Ponyville. I mean, if that’s okay with everyone else. I wouldn’t want it to be too much trouble because I know everypony has to work. But Twilight has a lot of books here in the library, and maybe we could borrow some and teach Tarpan with them.” Celestia smiled as the Pegasus grew quiet.

“That is a good idea,” she said, “A very good idea.” She turned to the others, who seemed to be mulling it over. “What do all think?”

“Well shoot, it won’t be a problem,” Applejack said with a smile, “I’m up fer it if everypony else is.”

“So am I,” said Dash, sounding eager as ever, “Challenge accepted!”

“Me too!” cried Pinkie as she jumped up and down, “Oh, this is going to be so exciting! I hope I get to teach him calculus!” It was quite evident by then that everypony wanted to help educate Tarpan on the ways of life. Fluttershy smiled, clearly delighted that her friends believed in her idea.

“Oh, thank you so much,” she said, “That’s really nice of you.” Celestia and Luna beamed at the six of them, proud as could be.

“Then it’s settled,” said Celestia, “Tarpan shall learn the ways of Equestria from the six of you.”

“There’s just one problem with that,” Spike said, his voice wavering with nervousness, “Tarpan’s gone!” Everypony turned to see that the Neighanderthal had indeed vanished from the room. Twilight’s eyes grew wide as she spotted the door, which she had left open after letting the princesses in.

Comments

[Spamotron]

The language spell being super-hard is logical. But I think that unicorns can work together to cast difficult spells cooperatively for three reasons. First it would fit the theme of the show "Friendship is Magic". Second Pegasi can combine their weather magic to create and control large storms it isn't much of a leap to assume that unicorns can do something similar with their own abilities. Third it would make no sense to have books full of spells that practically nopony can cast; Twilight is a once a millenium super-prodigy if a spell is hard for her its flat impossible for anypony else. Anypony else casting it alone anyway.

If Twilight, Luna and Celestia cast it cooperatively it should be manageable.

[Rhulain]

1235984

HEAR HEAR!

[Jaohni]

1235984 Perhaps that would make sense, if not but for a single fact. You see, when Pegasi combine their magic, they are simply combining the power in an easy to perform way while moving in an easy to follow direction while doing the same thing. Do you see all the places unicorns casting spells could go wrong? For one thing, all the ponies would likely have to be extremely well versed in the spell being performed, and simply lack the power to cast it alone. This spell seems like it needs more finesse than strength. Secondly, the Unicorns would have to cast the spell at the same speed, inputting the same amount of energy while avoid any mistakes whatsoever. I'm not saying it's impossible, as our orchestras do something similar every time they perform, but it would have to be very well practised.

[RavynKarasu]

Fluttershy is the epitome of adorable in this chapter.

And as for anything else....Oh, Luna... silly, silly Luna...