Great Celestia, how Scootaloo hated the rain. On each and every other time the pegasis prepare the make i train in the night, she had arranged a sleepover with one of the other Cutie Mark Crusaders or both. Today, she had fallen asleep while doing homework at Appleboom’s.
After making a lame excuse, she had ran out the house and back to Ponyville. Or at least, the edge of Ponyville, where no-one would find her and find out about her secret. That she was all alone. No parents or other relatives. Or none that she knew of. She was left as a foal at the Manehattan orphanage with only a name, a doll and a blanket. The same possessions she had now.
She sighed as she stopped to hide under a tree for a while, to catch her breath. Her ‘home’, a large wooden crate, left and forgotten on the edge of Ponyville, nearby the Everfree forest, was not that far away. Just over the large hill.
Suddenly she began coughing like she was stuck in a whole lot of smoke.
“Great.” Scootaloo said to herself. “Now I’m getting a cold too.”
She sighed, took a deep breath and began running again, her sight troubled by the pouring rain. She ran up the hill, coughing while she did it. At the top, she smiled as she saw her ‘house’ at the bottom of the hill.
She wanted to run down, but slipped in a puddle. She rolled down the hill, through the stones and twigs. She collapsed against a tree. She heard a sickening, awful crack as she hit the ground, followed by a fierce and pinching pain in her hind leg. She couldn’t move.
‘not like this.’ She thought, while a new coughing fit erupted. ‘Alone, broken and wet. I don’t wanna die. Not like this.’
“Not …like….” She began to murmur as the world started to turn black.
“This.” She ended as she lost consciousness.
For a while the world stayed black, cold and silent. Then it changed, when she felt herself being lifted up. Scootaloo opened her eyes as far as she could. She could see a blue sky and noticed she was being carried by … an entity.
‘Am I …going home?’ She weakly asked the entity that held her.
‘Yes.” The entity said.
‘Am I …going to be …happy?’ she asked again.
‘Sleep, Scootaloo.’ The entity said.
Scootaloo closed her eyes, a smile on her face. ‘Home.’ She murmured as she drifted off to sleep again.
CLANG!
With a squeak, Scootaloo woke up. She groaned as she felt a sharp pain in her hind leg. She lifted up the sheet a bit and saw that her leg was in a cast. Wait, a sheet? She was in bed? A real bed?
She looked around. Where was she. A room made of clouds. Cloudsdale? Somepony had brought her stuff along too. Her blanket and doll were on the chair across the room.
‘Someone found me?’ she thought.
She heard voices outside the room.
“I swear, Pinkie, if she woke up, I’m going to …”
The door of the room opened, revealing the concerned face of…
“Rainbow Dash!” she said, fluttering her wings. Ouch. Bad idea. She turned her neck to watch her wings. One of them was in a splint. Must’ve been hurt also.
“Hey squirt.” Rainbow Dash said, an expression of relief on her face. she ran to the little patient, briefly nuzzling her face against her. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”
“Yeah, sorry about that!” the unmistakable voice of Pinkie Pie yelled. “Who knew lamps could make such much noise. Did you know that? I didn’t know that. Well there was the time that …”
A purple aura surrounded the door and closed it shut.
“Thank you, Twilight.” Rainbow Dash said. She turned her attention back to Scootaloo, who was looking at Rainbow with a puzzled expression.
“I was on my way back home from Fluttershy’s when I noticed you in the rain.” Rainbow Dash began, taking a seat in the seat next to the bed. “It took me a few seconds to realize you WERE in the rain and didn’t move a muscle.”
“were you …concerned.” Scootaloo asked, blushing a bit.
“Concerned?” Rainbow Dash asked. “No. I WAS FREAKING OUT! You could’ve been …”
She stopped and a tear ran down her cheek. “I was scared, Scoots.”
“What did you do?” Scootaloo asked.
“I first checked if you were still …alive.” Rainbow said. “Thanks Celestia you were. I took you in my arms and started to fly above the clouds. You woke up a bit. Started asking questions.
“I remember that.” Scootaloo said. “But I also remember that I started to have a cold. How did I got rid of that in such short time?”
“Scootaloo.” Rainbow Dash said. “You’ve been asleep …for a week. You had a terrible fever and the doctor who came didn’t know if you were going to survive, because you’re so young and when I found out that you were an orphan I …”
“Waitwaitwait.” Scootaloo panicked. “You …know?”
“Honey …” Rainbow Dash said, trotting over to Scootaloo. She nuzzled her head against the filly’s head. “Why haven’t you told this to Applebloom, Sweetie Bell or anypony else? We could’ve done something.”
“Like send me back to that orphanage, where I got bullied every day and no-one wanted to adopt me, so I had to run away and, and, and …” Scootaloo rambled, tears running down her cheeks.
“Shhh.” Rainbow soothed, resting her head against Scootaloo’s. The filly instantly calmed down.
Scootaloo looked up to Rainbow Dash as the latter lifted her head up. “What are you going to do?” She asked. “Send me back after I get better? Send me back now?”
“You stay right here.” Rainbow Dash said with a smile.
“Wha-what do you mean.” Scootaloo asked.
“I mean that I couldn’t bare the thought of you living all alone out there with nopony to take care of you.” Rainbow Dash, her smile growing bigger. “I took the biggest decision I had ever taken.”
“Do you mean …?” Scootaloo asked.
Rainbow Dash nodded. “I filled in all the necessary paperwork.” She said. “I’m officially your guardian.”
Scootaloo’s mouth fell open.
“How do you like your own room?”
Scootaloo squeaked it out in total happiness. “THANK YOU, RAINBOW!” she yelled out. “How can I ever thank you?”
“You can thank me by getting better, squirt.” Rainbow Dash said, ruffling up the girl’s mane. “But first …”
She opened the door. “Applebloom, Sweetie Bell, come on in.” she yelled.
Loudly yelling the two other CMC’s came in the room, starting to yell at Scootaloo for scaring them so much and not asking to stay at their homes and etcetera. Rainbow Dash shook her head with a smile as she walked out the room.
She smiled as she entered her living room, filled with her best friends. Twilight had done the cloud-walking-spell again, so they could be here for her and Scootaloo.
“That went well, I guess.” Twilight said. “We could hear her cheer as if we were in the room.”
“Yeah, I’d reckon she would be shocked hearing the news first, then throw a Happiness fit.” Applejack said..
“This calls for a PARTY!” Pinkie Pie shouted out. “I’m getting my party canon.”
“Wait, wait.” Rainbow Dash said. “There’s no need for a party. I …haven’t told her anything yet.”
“Why, pray tell, haven’t you told the dear Scootaloo the good news.” Rarity asked. “Certainly she deserves to know that ….”
“She just woke from a week-long fever fight.” Rainbow Dash said sternly. “This much excitement could flare it up again.”
“Wow, Rainbow.” Applejack said with a smile. “You really are going to be a great guardian.”
Rainbow walked over to the table in the living room and stared with a soft smile at the paper that was on it. With big letters it read: Manehattan Happy Filly Orphanage Adoption Papers. Rainbow had stayed up all night the day she heard that Scootaloo was a runaway orphan. That night, she had made up her mind.
“I hope I’m going to be an awesome mother.” Rainbow whispered, thou her friends could hear her. “I hope I deserve to have her as …a daughter.”
“Sure you will.” Pinkie Pie said.
“I say, fill in the papers and make the best off it. “ Rarity said.
“Do you love her?” Twilight asked.
Rainbow stared at the floor for a few seconds. She smiled. “I do.” She said, turning to her friends. “Before all this, I was to stubborn or afraid to admit it, but that little filly always had a special place in my heart. I’m just so disappointed in myself that all this had to happen to realize that.”
“Sometimes something bad has to happen for something amazing to follow it.” Applejack said.
Rainbow remained silent for a while, thinking, deciding. Then, with a confident look in her eyes, she grabbed a quill between her teeth and signed the paper. She spat out the quill and smiled.
“Congratulatiuons, Scootaloo.” Rainbow said. “You’re officially my daughter.”
Awesome
hmmmmm?
not bad
it can probabably teach me a thing or two
P.s. I'm watching you, don't disappoint me.
"Not like this" is a phrase I know entirely too well.
I follow with great happiness.
I already read this on Fanfiction, and was suprised to find it here...I perfer to track MLP stories here anyway.
You're missing a t in the second sentence.
Alright, let me just say that I absolutely adore Scootalove fics, but you seem a little heavy handed with it here. Also, I noticed a few grammar errors, places where you used "someone" instead of "somepony", and a few awkward wordings of things. Also, Scootaloo seemed a bit out of character to me, but that could just be me. The premise is great, but you falter a bit in the execution. My advice would be to get yourself a good pre-reader, as well as reading the Editor's Omibus from Equestria Daily.
Hope this helps!
Hey, I remembe this on FFN! It's as great as it is over there.
continue?
A nice intro, if a bit rushed. The second sentence threw me off, like most of the people around here
I expected a bit more of a scene when Scoots fell down from that hill -- I mean, it wasn't the first time she went that path (presumably) and she wasn't suprised at all that it happened, on a day like this, of all the days. The transition into giving up was all too swift, a person who prepares for death so fast usually has constant depression (which wasn't apparent from the text).
Again, this is a work I'll track. I'll save myself the trouble and watch you
Remember, I got my voodoo on you -- try and hurt them ponies too much, out go the guts!
GIVE ME MOAR or die.....
Awesome, need moar.
There are the makings of a good slice of life story in here, but they are buried under a pretty heavy layer of "unedited." I would love you to continue, but I seriously suggest finding someone who can go over this before you publish it online. A lot of the dialogue doesn't really make sense, your characters seem a little off, inconsistent use of italics, etc etc.
Some sticking points:
- Many of your sentences are redundant, a pre-reader can help you with this.
- You're rushing story elements, we go from walking home to week-in-a-coma-and-blunt-force-truama in (heh) 10 seconds flat! Not only that, but it seems needlessly obtuse; passing out for a few hours or just being sick are enough to motivate the discovery.
Again, good pretense, but find someone - and there are plenty of people around here who'd volunteer, I'm sure - who can go over your chapters first.
Oh god. This has been on my read-later list for almost a year.
WHERE ARE TEH NEW CHAPTERS?!
1525484
You must be a time jumper, because it's only been three months. But I will make new chapters soon. Just ...busy with other things.
Well it FEELS like a year.
And I'm gonna go ahead and NOT ask you what your busy objectives are.
Privacy = RESPECTED!
Thanksgiving...
You have until Thanksgiving to update or I shall REMOVE this from my read-later
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well hopefully you will update but im not holding my breath
1915208 yeah that update doesn't look like is coming
When's the next update?
2611797
Sometime after Half-Life 3 comes out.
3202259
Yeah he hasn't been on in 26 weeks ... so probably when Duke Nukem's next game comes out.
i look forward to where this goes. liked, Favorited and you now have a follower
Two years? Well, there's no time like the present. Writing the second chapter now. Will post a preview in a while. Full chapter ...no deadline for the moment.
This is a really great story and I would like to see scootaloo's past
I would have left Scootaloo out there to die in the rain.
good first chapter