Scootaloo has been alone for a very long time. she had kept this a secret. after getting severy sick in a rainstorm, she finds out that she doesn't have to be alone anymore.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 31st Jul, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 9th, 2016
Devastator1775
Male20 years old.LOvES writing stories.....That's all you need to know!
Devastator1775
Joined 31st Jul, 2012 ·
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Awesome
hmmmmm
?
not bad
it can probabably teach me a thing or two
P.s. I'm watching you, don't disappoint me.
"Not like this" is a phrase I know entirely too well.
I follow with great happiness.
I already read this on Fanfiction, and was suprised to find it here...I perfer to track MLP stories here anyway.
You're missing a t in the second sentence.
Alright, let me just say that I absolutely adore Scootalove fics, but you seem a little heavy handed with it here. Also, I noticed a few grammar errors, places where you used "someone" instead of "somepony", and a few awkward wordings of things. Also, Scootaloo seemed a bit out of character to me, but that could just be me. The premise is great, but you falter a bit in the execution. My advice would be to get yourself a good pre-reader, as well as reading the Editor's Omibus from Equestria Daily.
Hope this helps!
Hey, I remembe this on FFN! It's as great as it is over there.
continue?
A nice intro, if a bit rushed. The second sentence threw me off, like most of the people around here
I expected a bit more of a scene when Scoots fell down from that hill -- I mean, it wasn't the first time she went that path (presumably) and she wasn't suprised at all that it happened, on a day like this, of all the days. The transition into giving up was all too swift, a person who prepares for death so fast usually has constant depression (which wasn't apparent from the text).
Again, this is a work I'll track. I'll save myself the trouble and watch you
Remember, I got my voodoo on you -- try and hurt them ponies too much, out go the guts!
GIVE ME MOAR
or die.....
Awesome, need moar.
There are the makings of a good slice of life story in here, but they are buried under a pretty heavy layer of "unedited." I would love you to continue, but I seriously suggest finding someone who can go over this before you publish it online. A lot of the dialogue doesn't really make sense, your characters seem a little off, inconsistent use of italics, etc etc.
Some sticking points:
- Many of your sentences are redundant, a pre-reader can help you with this.
- You're rushing story elements, we go from walking home to week-in-a-coma-and-blunt-force-truama in (heh) 10 seconds flat! Not only that, but it seems needlessly obtuse; passing out for a few hours or just being sick are enough to motivate the discovery.
Again, good pretense, but find someone - and there are plenty of people around here who'd volunteer, I'm sure - who can go over your chapters first.
Oh god. This has been on my read-later list for almost a year.
WHERE ARE TEH NEW CHAPTERS?!
1525484
You must be a time jumper, because it's only been three months. But I will make new chapters soon. Just ...busy with other things.
Well it FEELS like a year.
And I'm gonna go ahead and NOT ask you what your busy objectives are.
Privacy = RESPECTED!
Thanksgiving...
You have until Thanksgiving to update or I shall REMOVE this from my read-later
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well hopefully you will update but im not holding my breath
1915208 yeah that update doesn't look like is coming
When's the next update?
2611797
Sometime after Half-Life 3 comes out.
3202259
Yeah he hasn't been on in 26 weeks ... so probably when Duke Nukem's next game comes out.
i look forward to where this goes. liked, Favorited and you now have a follower
Two years? Well, there's no time like the present. Writing the second chapter now. Will post a preview in a while. Full chapter ...no deadline for the moment.
IT'S ALIVE!!!
But in all seriousness, nice to see this story back again. Looking forward to more.
good. i look forward to when the whole thing comes out
Oh, yes.
Hmm, usually people write preview's in blog posts then tag their story. Just saying. Still looking forward to more.
This is a really great story and I would like to see scootaloo's past
NO don't be leave scoots behind
I would have left Scootaloo out there to die in the rain.
Throw the filly out in the rain!! Get rid of her worthless hide!!
good first chapter