In which Masterweaver just makes stuff up

by Masterweaver

Politics is boring. Surfing is awesome.

"Right," Celestia said firmly. "That's it. Day court is over."

"But, your highness, the traffic directors--"

"If the plushies are still causing problems, throw them down the mountain and let Ponyville handle them--" Celestia paused. "Actually no. You know what? I'm going to deal with the plushie situation myself!" She teleported out of the throne room, leaving behind a flabbergasted court of nobles.

"Um..." Raven coughed. "I... guess day court is over. Everypony out, you know the rules." She blinked. "Oh! And it's pie day."

"I like pie day," one of the nobles reluctantly mumbled as they all stood up and walked out the door.

Celestia reappeared on the roof of the tallest tower of the castle, summoning a telescope to her eyes. "Right. Hmm." She peered at the congested streets of Canterlot, mentally calculating the amount of magic she'd need to pull off the stunt she had in mind. Namely, the stunt of surfing down a huge mountain on a wave of plushies.

"...Oh Lulu!" she sang out.

The blue alicorn stuck her head out a window. "Can it wait? Me and Equuis are wrestling."

"Just wanted you to know I'm going to do something stupid, awesome, and tiring, so I might need you to raise the sun for a day or two."

"Ugh. You know that give me gas... fine." Luna stuck her head back in the window. "Zaahak I swear if you tore the lamp off the wall again I will--!"

Celestia rolled her eyes, putting down the telescope and summoning her personal surfboard. It was almost as old as her, patched constantly and upgraded with an absolutely ludicrous number of structural integrity charms. She gave it a once over, refreshing a small bit of magic here and there, before turning to the city below her.

Ponies everywhere stopped in shock as the plushies that had plagued them rose into the air en masse, surrounded by a massive golden glow. Celestia beamed for a moment, then cleared her throat. It had been a while since she used the Royal Canterlot Voice, and she hoped her casting had improved.

"CITIZENS OF CANTERLOT! YOUR PRINCESS IS HANDLING THIS SITUATION PERSONALLY! IF YOU HAVE A PLUSHIE YOU WANT TO KEEP, YOU'VE GOT FIVE MINUTES TO GET IT INDOORS!"

She paused.

"ALSO, JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO BE SURFING THEM DOWN THE MOUNTAIN IN AN UNDIGNIFIED WAY. I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE I'M COMFORTABLE WITH WHO I AM AND DON'T FEEL A NEED TO CONFORM TO SOCIETY'S EXPECTATIONS OF ME, SINCE I AM CONFIDENT IN MY OWN GRACE AND ELEGANCE."

She tilted her head.

"AND JUST TO BE SAFE, IF YOU ARE NOT A FLIGHT CAPABLE PONY YOU CANNOT JOIN ME IN THE PLUSHIE SURFING. I'M JUST PUTTING THAT ON THE RECORD THERE, SO NOPONY INJURES THEMSELF TRYING TO MIMIC ME. THANK YOU!"

Right, Celestia thought, that should be enough warning. She hummed a little tune to herself as she kept her eyes on the clocktower, waiting for her set time limit to run out. It had been MONTHS since she'd pulled off something this awesome. Maybe even YEARS. Oh she was going to have so much fun.

Once that clocktower let her know five minutes was up.

Which should be soon.

Very soon.

Any minute now.

Juuuuuuuust a few more seconds.

Okay, screw it that was close enough.

With a mighty cry of "KUPAIANAHA!" Celestia teleported herself and all the plushies still held in her magical grip to the top of the Canterlot horn. Every stitched pony began sliding down the snow, starting a multicolored avalanched down the steep rockface, and Celestia only just managed to get her surfboard down on it before she was whooping along with the pull of gravity. Riding a wave of Rarity dolls, she hollered in glee, her wing extending as she swung back to the pink portion of the inexpertly falling wave.

"THIS IS AWESOME! THIS ROCKS SO HARD! YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Hiya Princess!" A grey mare hovered nearby on her own surfboard, runes swirling in her eye. "Mind if I derp it up a little?"

"Join right in, miss Hooves!" Celestia gestured grandly, but pointed ahead. "Cliffside!"

"Whoop!" Derpy rolled around the jutting projection, slipping in next to Celestia. "Wow, what a rush! What took you so long to handle the plushie situation?!"

"I was being lazy! I dunno! On your left!" Celestia slid around the mailmare. "How'd Ponyville handle it?!"

"I think Pinkie did something. There's a house of plushies now, and it's rent-out!" She giggled. "Went in there once. A good third of the dolls were changelings in disguise!"

"That's... actually pretty clever! They aren't hurting anypony are they?"

"Not at all, they--" Derpy jumped off another cliff, arcing her back and flipping her board before landing back on the wave of dolls. "--they actually seem to be maintaining the dolls when nopony's looking!"

"Nice move there! And that sounds great!" Celestia pointed forward. "Look out though, we're coming to the end!"

Derpy smirked. "Loud screaming?!"

Celestia smirked back. "Loud screaming!"

As one they snapped their gazes forward, held their hooves up in the air, and screamed as the wave of dolls hit the grassy plains below. Their boards coasted along the stiched ponies and out onto the plains themselves, jumping into the air as they hit the dirt. Alicorn and pegasus were flung through the sky, twirling and laughing as inertia lead them to hit dirt again and again and again until at last they rolled to a stop.

"Filly," Derpy giggled, "that was a wipeout."

"Oh yeah. Total wipeout."

"Complete wipeout."

"Royal, even!"

The two of them laid on their backs, staring up into the sky.

After a moment, though, Celestia facehooved. "Damnit. I don't have the energy to teleport to Canterlot, and I don't have the money to buy a train ticket on me." She gave Derpy a pleading look. "Can I bunk with you for the night?"

"...fine, but you gotta look into laws regarding school discipline." Derpy frowned, standing up. "There are these two fillies that keep bugging my daughter."

"I'll do that."

Comments

[Super Trampoline]

Yessssssss

[ShadowLDrago]

"I think Pinkie did something. There's a house of plushies now, and it's rent-out!" She giggled. "Went in there once. A good third of the dolls were changelings in disguise!"
"That's... actually pretty clever! They aren't hurting anypony are they?"
"Not at all, they--" Derpy jumped off another cliff, arcing her back and flipping her board before landing back on the wave of dolls. "--they actually seem to be maintaining the dolls when nopony's looking!"

That's actually a smart move.

[Nightmare Loopy]

.... Celestia is the ruler of Equestria, I seriously doubt she needs money for a train ticket.

[Fear the Dark]

Is this somewhere near the 'Derpy is immortal and good friends with the Solar Diarch' theory?

I think this is somewhere near the 'Derpy is immortal and good friends with the Solar Diarch' theory.

[vladspellbinder]

Delightfully random. Even so... .

Celestia teleported ehrself and all the plushies still heald in her magical grip to the top of the Canterlot horn. Every stitched pony began sliding down the snow, starting a multicolored avalanched down the steep rockface,

"herself" and "avalanche" respectively.

[Alex Prior]

And despite the characterization, you still manage to misspell Equius' names.