• Published 18th Oct 2012
  • 2,589 Views, 161 Comments

In which Masterweaver just makes stuff up - Masterweaver



A bored FiMfiction author decides to screw with his audience, leading to a most bizarre and chaotic series of events. Why does he do this? Where does he get the inspiration? And most importantly, is there going to be clop? Only time will tell...

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Fluttershy used Awkward Situation! Spike is unaffected....

"So, the plan is Fluttershy uses her magic to alter the egg cells in her ovaries so that their genetic structure precisely matches up with Rainbow Dash, then she impregnates herself using the sperm I got from the sperm bank, then she casts the soul transfer spell on Rainbow... and then..." Twilight held back a gag. "She, uh... uses an aging spell to immediately... ugh... immediately give birth."

Fluttershy nodded. "If you don't want to be present for that, you can go outside. I'm quite a capable self-midwife."

"Nonono, it's fine. I should... probably stick around. Just, you know, to make sure everything goes down as planned." Twilight flinched. "I'll go, uh, get some towels." Carefully placing the jar down on a nearby desk, Twilight scuttled out of the room.

"This whole situation is weird," Rainbow grumbled as she batted at her own dangling eye. "You know, you being a dark wizard or whatever is cool and all, but... Look, is this going to affect me in any way? I mean, I'm going to be pushed... out of you... and actually be aware of what's going on, if I get this correctly--"

"Oh, well, it'll be a bit strange yes." Fluttershy shrugged. "But I personally found it rather meditative. Going into a dark place, only to emerge into the light anew..." She blushed a bit. "Um, although... the part after the birth can be a bit, uh, problematic."

"What?"

"See... you will, effectively, be an infant. Part of the infant's lack of control of their own body comes from the fact their body is still, uh, developing." Fluttershy coughed. "You... you're going to need to wear diapers."

Rainbow groaned. "Will I be drinking from a bottle as well?"

Fluttershy hesitated. for a second.

"...Rainbow?" She looked up. "Can I ask something very, uh, personal from you?"

"I... suppose?"

"Well... you know this all started out with me trying to have children." Fluttershy kicked at the ground. "Over the centuries I've adopted on occasion, but... well, those were foals that were already elementary age. I've... um. I've never actually had a, well, an infant to raise.... I've never had the chance to have... to nurse one, to rock one to sleep, and... I'm sorry, I shouldn't be asking this. The situation is weird enough as is."

Rainbow Dash tilted her head, staring at her friend as she processed what she had heard.

"...Look. Fluttershy. From what I understand, you're going to need to take care of me anyway, right? I mean, if you could cast that age spell willy nilly I'd be popped out and full grown before the day was done." She paused. "How long will it take you to cast it again?"

"I'll need about a week to regenerate the magic, and each cast only pushes you up a year...."

"Right, so... if you're going to be taking care of me for the next five months or so, then... I guess I could be okay with you, uh, 'raising' me." Rainbow snapped her leg up, ignoring the way her hoof flew behind her. "Of course, if I'll tell you I'm getting uncomfortable with something you should stop, and we're not going to tell anyone else about this ever, agreed?"

"Yes, of course!" Fluttershy perked up. "You... you really wouldn't mind, uh... you know..."

"I..." Rainbow shrugged. "I dunno. I know my mom teat-fed me, so I guess I've done it before?"

"...Well... um. I guess... thank you for... um. Letting me, ah..." Fluttershy gestured vaguely.

"Alright I'm back." Twilight strode in with a stack of towels. "Let's get this thing done so I can send a letter to Celestia asking her to send me the best therapist she can find and/or just wiping this whole day from my memory."

Twenty minutes later, Spike walked in. "Hey girls, don't mind me, just grabbing some comics."

"Spike!" Twilight looked up from the wastebasket she had been vomiting in. "I swear this isn't what it looks like!"

"So Fluttershy did not just give birth to Rainbow Dash whose adult corpse is lying right there?"

"No--I mean yes, but--this is--You're grabbing COMICS?!"

Spike shrugged. "Yeah, figured I'd try something age appropriate. Lady of the Rings is a fun read and all, but none of the colts around town get what I'm talking about."

"How is this not weirding you out?!"

Spike rose an eyecrest. "Twilight.... I grew up in Canterlot Palace. While you were learning all kinds of magic. As a dragon. This doesn't even hit 'huh that's interesting' for me."

"Dona ell anhyon," Dash demanded, pointing a hoof at Spike.

"Awww..." Fluttershy murmured. "I was hoping your first word would be 'mama' or something..."

"Shis dona coun, Shy."

"Alright, I get it. You're secret's safe with me." Spike glanced at the rotted corpse on the ground. "Want me to go bury the body?"

"Actually, no." Fluttershy glanced up from gently rocking Rainbow Dash. "I was hoping to process it and feed it to some of my animal friends."

Twilight turned green. "WHAT?!"

"Well, um, that's what I do whenever I generate a new body for myself... having a funeral would just bring up too many questions..."

"Don Ih geha shay ih shis?"

"Oh!" Fluttershy paused. "Right. What do you think, Dash?"

"Ih alwahsh wannah... wanhad sho haf a fooneral pya."

"Righto, I can do that." Spike put down his comics. "Celestia taught me how, we used to do it all the time."

Twilight's eye twitched. "She... I... memory wipe. That's it. Memory wipe. That's what's happening."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Right, I'll go get the checklist..."