I was in a canyon I know this because of reasons. I believe the canyon I'm in is that one with the important goblet near Griffin Stone. I then open my eyes and saw the night sky. "How beautiful as the night always is," I said but instead of my usual somewhat deep male voice I heard a slight buzzed toned female voice. After that, I sat up slowly and looked at my hands. They were covered in black chitin. I stood up and snapped with my right hand and a body sized mirror appeared before me. Don't ask me how because I don't know.
Turns out I am an anthro changeling queen without a crown. I have a black mane and tail the same shade as my chitin that has the same hairdo as Chrysalis with red draconic eyes and no horn as well as insect wings with holes. Also, I seem to have a very attractive, thin, and athletic figure. I am also covered with grey pants, shirt, and jacket, so I'm decent thank you very much.
I looked up and decided to try and learn to fly.
1 Hour Later
It took an hour but at least I can fly, oh and remember that goblet, I put in the ruins of the castle that's in Griffin Stone after taking it out with me. After that I got a knife out got some cake batter in a bowl and cut myself, then I let my blood taint the cake batter, mixed it up and made a cake with it. All on a carpet large enough to hold twenty ponies flying me to the Everfree Forest. Wait, when did I get on a carpet? I asked myself while eating my cake. And how did I make this cake so quickly?
After an hour flight with chocolate blood cake I arrived at my destination and what I saw was not surprising. There was a manticore chasing anthro versions of the CMC, Babs Seed, and Spike the dragon. So I tried my hand at shapeshifting, I turned into a pegasus pony with a black coat, black mane, and tail, red eyes, and I am wearing the same clothes I was wearing in my changeling form, which in case you forgot was a pair of pants, a shirt, and a jacket, all of it grey.
A grey metal sword appeared in my right hand in a flash of black, I then jumped off the carpet, which disappeared to where ever it came from and landed in front of the manticore.
THUMP. "You should not be chasing children, shame on you," I said with a clearly annoyed tone. My sword turned into a cane and I smack the manticore on the head with it when I landed in case you were wondering.
The manticore whimpered as a response. "But I've been starving for the past week, what am I supposed to, just let myself die?"
"Of course not, you need to ask a pony to help or try hunt different creatures that don't talk like ponies for example," was my response, not even reacting that he could talk. "Also here it should fill you up pretty good," I snapped while saying this making a large steak appeared almost as big as the manticore, who adopted a look of joy at seeing it.
When I turned around I noticed they were slack-jawed. "If I were you I would close my mouth before fly's get in there," I said with an amused tone. After I said that the three shook themselves out of the daze and I got a good look on what they look like. Like I said before their anthro, the CMC are wearing their Equestria Girls clothing while Babs Seed is wearing a jacket over a white shirt along with a light black skirt and Spike is wearing a purple jacket over a green shirt and purple pants.
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Cutie_Mark_Crusaders_(EG) CMC outfits.
https://cruelladevil84.deviantart.com/art/Equestria-Girls-Babs-Seed-485484144 Babs Seed's outfit.
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/461830136759889591/ Spike's outfit.
Before anyone spoke I said, "Before we do anything I believe we should talk outside the Everfree."
After Leaving The Everfree Forest
We were walking down the road and pasted Fluttershy's cottage before anyone decided to speak. "Where did you come from, you kinda just appeared out of nowhere," Spike said. My response was "Simple I jumped off a magic carpet that brought me here." And then an anvil fell on my head, I for some reason didn't flinch at that and instead just stopped moving forward. When the anvil hit my head the five did a sound of surprise.
"Oops sorry," said a rather cute voice. I looked up, making the anvil fall to the ground from its perch on my head, and responded with, "It's fine no one got hurt, right kids." The five responded with a combined "Yep." After actually looking I noticed it's Derpy Hooves, Ponyvilles mail mare, wearing a typical mail person outfit. "Okay then, have a nice day," she said. "You as well," I said this while giving the anvil to her since it was obviously her that dropped it, so she must have been in the middle of mailing it to someone.
"Now where were we again?" I asked the kids. "Yall said something about jumping off a magic carpet," Apple Bloom helpfully reminded me. "Right, well that was about it. Oh, how silly of me, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Shade, Shade Reality Mirror."
"Nice to meet you, my names Sweetie Bell," said, obviously, Sweetie Bell.
"Ma names Apple Bloom, nice to meet ya," said, again obviously, Apple Bloom.
"Names Scootaloo, it's good to meet ya," said, do I have to say this, Scootaloo.
"And we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders!!!" they yelled simultaneously.
After recovering from the yell, the well-known dragon said, "The names Spike, it a pleasure to meet you."
"And my names Babs Seed, it great to meet you," said you know who while giving me a handshake.
"Very nice to meet you all, now why exactly were you all running from a Manticore of all things?" I asked the five children. Spike was the one to answer this question, "We lost a ball we were playing within the forest." I reached behind my back and pulled out a red ball out of nowhere, "Do you, by any chance, mean this ball," I asked. "Yea where did you find it," asked Babs in a surprised tone.
"I just found it during our little walk out of the forest," was my answer while I was giving the ball to Scootaloo. "Now I need to get going, next time maybe you shouldn't play too close to the forest," I suggested to them and walked off after saying goodbye.
Get an editor, don't rush it, and get an original idea. That's all for now.
I don't really know if you just want to explain your actual situation (so you must do it in author section before you start or in the end of your story description) or if you insert yourself in your story (so give more details than just : "" I am xxxx and I was in my room then black out. "" because your readers cannot dive in your story).
Then, the mistakes :
line 1 : anyways your here -> anyways you're here OR anyways you are here
This is an example of a comment an editor and a proof reader can make. This will improve not only your writing skills but your understanding of what is a good story. Plus, get a look in the Writing Guide written by Ezn.
So if you want to improve, first take time to re-read, second ask for help if you are new to the community and the job in itself.
My suggestion is to not make your character invincible. Give yourself some challenges or weaknesses you have to overcome in Equestria. Excessively powerful characters make your readers less likely to appreciate the story. Overpowered characters easily become "Mary Sues" (characters who are too 'perfect' and lack originality) and you will want to avoid this. Since the concept of humans in Equestria is already popular on this site, make your character stand out in an original way.
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I'm sorry to barge in but a "Mary Sues” is an oc or a character that is op in the words meaning. but from what I've read this oc is not a "Mary Sues”
she is emotionally unstable. again I'm sorry
I've read this 32th time and it is still good
Nom
This is just so hilariously bad and I love it anyway! Although, you should add more detail to your chapters, this one went way too fast.
What the heck just happened?!
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Stuff.
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I suggest grammarly to catch the errors
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Your correct
Please resume this project. I dim