• Published 22nd Mar 2018
  • 1,215 Views, 29 Comments

Life at the End of the Rainbow: Pony Edition - Winter Rosario



What if Rainbow Dash didn't become an Element of Harmony? What if someone took her place? What if her destiny changed the day she was born, and somepony else became an Equestrian hero? What if Rainbow Dash was just your average small town Pegasus?

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Introducing: Ponyville!

'Ugh, I can't believe it took three hours to go from Canterlot to Ponyville on a train traveling over a hundred-eighty kilometer an hour. That's over...six-hundred kilometers traveled! Huh? This Equestria is actually quite large. I should find a map when I have the time.' This was what went through my mind as the train finally pulled into Ponyville. The train ride itself was quiet and uninteresting, peaceful really. Ponies sat in their booths talking about boring things, conductors and guards walked sluggishly up and down the isles. Foals played, parents gossiped, and a few stallions talked about how pretty I was, but didn't do anything about it. All in all, it was your typical, boring, train ride. Aside from the obvious monotony of sitting on a bench for a few hours, I did some planning for when I arrive in Ponyville.

First thing I needed to accomplish was establishing connections with the Main-Six. Doing so shouldn't take all that long as I did have some background knowledge of all their personalities from the show, however. There was a slight problem with the plan. And that problem had to be the Summer Sun Celebration, which was tomorrow.

Now, knowing I found myself in Twilight Sparkle's situation did have its benefits. From what I've gathered, Ponyville, (Rarity and Fluttershy being the exceptions), doesn't pay attention to Canterlot politics. So them knowing me and what I've done shouldn't hinder me when making friends. Not only that but with my current plight of being homeless should grant me some sympathy from the general populous. My only problems had to be Twilight Sparkle herself, as she had a front-row seat of my/Rainbow Dash's mental breakdown.

The second part of my plan involved the Summer Sun Celebration itself as it should help with my reputation, and give part of Rainbow Dash's destiny back. Saving Princess Luna from Nightmare Moon especially would be a great boon for when it comes time to return Rainbow Dash to her own body. Though, I hope I won't need one of the Princess's to complete that goal. I really don't want to be dragged back to the Mental Ward again if they didn't believe me.

The final part of my plan for Ponyville was getting a job and house. Now, I had no experience fucking around with the weather. Then again, I also only know the basics of flying as well. So working for the Ponville Weather Division is out. I know I can do administration, office work, fast-food, and programming, but I don't know if there is a market in those areas. 'I know programming won't.' As for a house? I hope Fluttershy would have me, and if not? There should be a work-lodge somewhere in town. With my current plan ready to go, I walked off the train, head held high, wings at my side, and eyes filled with determination!

Ten. Minutes. Later.

"Oh, for fuck sakes," I groaned in disbelief, eyes dull, head drooping in defeat. I stood in front of the job board in Town Hall after a quick stop for some food, hoping that with a full stomach, I would have the energy to find some form of employment. What I found couldn't be more life draining than being forced to watch puppies drown in molten chocolate.

There wasn't a single job available. Not even sewer maintenance. Even the work-lodge was booked full until the end of the month. It has been ten minutes, and already I can see my plan failing right before my eyes. The only thing that could make it worse is if—

"Alright, Spike. Let's stop at the mayor office first to ensure our housing for the Summer Sun Celebration. Then once we have our keys, we'll begin preparing the event!"

—Nevermind. 'Oh, Father Murphy. Please, forget the lube. I like it rough.'

Our Lord and Savior, Father Murphy, thus declared that today was: "Fuck Rainbow in the ass Day," and brought forth Twilight Sparkle to enact this new National Holiday. Turning towards the offending pony, I watched Twilight walk into town hall with Spike nipping at her heels and starring at an unfurled scroll held firmly in his claws. They walked down the aisle where Rarity would begin to decorate the Hall for the Summer Sun Celebration later today. She was currently gathering all her supplies over in the town market.

Deciding that I didn't want to deal with Twilight at this very moment. I slowly began moving towards the door, however. It was "Fuck Rainbow in the ass day!" So the grape-colored mare just had to look my way, stop, tilt her head, squint, and start walking towards me.

'Quick! Think! How do I...? Never mind. Too late. She's already in front of me.' Stifling back a whimper for how unlucky I was today, I stood in front of Twilight Sparkle and all her glorious adorable awkwardness. From where I stood, (like a meter away), I noticed a lot of little details that the show couldn't project. For one, Twilight was half a head shorter than me; her stomach was a bit pudgy from lack of exercise, and her horn was longer than what your average Unicorn had. Additionally, her fur looked a little thicker than mine, and she's wearing Fille voyou de fleurs de lavande perfume by Fleur De Lis. Not my favorite, but it smelt nice. 'I would have sighed at the loss of my man-card for knowing how to tell what perfume a mare liked or wore, but I did enough of that during my sessions with Princess Cadence.'

"Hello! My name is Twilight Sparkle, and you must be Rainbow Dash," Twilight greeted with a smile. "You look a lot...different, from the last time I saw you. You know, from the...?'

"Time I had a mental breakdown in the throne room two years ago?" I sighed in response.

"...Yes. That. Sorry," she coughed sheepishly into her arm. "Anyways! I'm glad to see that you are out and about. I couldn't imagine what life must have been like in the Mental Hospital. I mean, not being able to fly, having to eat terrible pudding, never-ending counseling sessions that seem to go on and on and on for hours on end," her tone darkened at the end there for a moment. Telling me she too had to deal with the counselors sometime during her life. Though, when I think about it, I only got to talk to Princess Cadence and Doctor Clear Mind about my problems. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing.

Meanwhile, Spike, who was standing to the left of Twilight, looked like he was trying and failing to hold back a giggling fit for some reason, which either meant Twilight was being weird or there something was on my head or behind me that is amusing to him. I twitched my ears, 'Nothing on my head.' I flicked my tail. A quiet giggle followed. 'Ten Bits says Pinkie Pie is hiding behind me and doing something silly. I haven't seen her at all since I entered Ponyville. It's about time she showed up.'

"Hey, Pinkie Pie. How's it going?" I said without turning around. What followed had to be the strangest thing I've experienced so far in Equestria and let me tell you. Watching the Pink Menence slither to the front of me on her back, under me and in between my legs, while wearing a Celestia mask and a "Make Equestria Great Again," t-shirt kinda' freaked me out. Strangely enough, her shirt also said: "Money, Infrastructure, Logistics, and Fiscal support" underneath M.E.G.A. And all I could do, along with Twilight, was stare as she stood up transformers style, (sound effects included), flopped her ears, wiggled her tail, sniffled her nose, and shook in place.

"Huh, weird. I haven't felt that feely-feel in a looong time! You are going to be a famous pony in a few weeks Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie Pie cheered before hoofing me a letter. "And heeere's your "WELCOME TO PONYVILLE" party invite!"

She turned around and gave Twilight a letter as well. "And one for you Twilight! See you later!"

"Umm, thanks?" Twilight said quite perplexed at the letter.

"You're welcome! Now if you'll excuse me. My planet needs me! Tralala!" And as sudden as she appeared, she disappeared in a cloud of rainbow-colored smoke, where once the cloud dissipated. All that was left was a log with a Naruto headband wrapped around it. I blinked. Twilight blinked.

"What just happened?" Spike blinked.

"Let's never speak of this to anyone," I said shaking my head.

"Agreed," Twilight concurred.

Shaking my head from the weirdest encounter I've ever experienced, I returned my attention to the equally befuddled mare in standing front of me. She too had the same idea, but while I wanted to get away from her for the time being. She had other plans.

"Anywho, before I was interrupted. I was going to ask whether or not you would be interested in accompanying me and my little assistant Spike while we make sure the Summer Sun Celebration preparations are going according to plan. Since, you know..." she paused to look away and rub her fetlock adorably, "...we both are strangers in a strange town and doing so would make us look less out of place?"

'Okay, is it just me or is Twilight coming on to me?' I thought dumbly as I tried to piece together the words she just said. Though, when I think about it, she's been acting differently towards me than what I originally imagined. I figured this because she saw my mental breakdown and I thought she would treat me like a nutcase with absolute disinterest or disdain of my very existence. Instead, she was oddly polite and mentioned my episode casually to get it out of the way for more important topics like my hobbies or something.

Blinking again, I decided, with all the new evidence acquired and stored in my mental database, I would follow Twilight around town for the day. Doing so will allow me to introduce myself to the rest of the Main Six without making myself appear like a stalker. Plus, I wanted to know whether or not Twilight is hitting on me. If she is, then I have to politely decline. 'Don't get me wrong, Twilight. You are a lovely mare, but I prefer sporty girls over the nerdy ones.'

"Sure, I'll come with 'ya. I'll even introduce you to one of my friends! Her name's Fluttershy. But a little word of warning before we meet her. She's really quiet and shy. So try to be a bit sensitive to her. She doesn't like interacting with strangers all that much," I replied with a smile.

Twilight smiled back, "Great! We can go once I've finished here. I'll return in exactly three minutes and twenty-six seconds!"


"Summer Sun Celebration super check-list. And the first thing on the list? Banquet preparations!" Spike proclaimed for the world to hear.

'Ah, this brings me back. Now, if only I haven't read this cliche introduction a hundred times before. I hope something else happens to change the status quo. I don't want to find myself in another terrible fan-fiction.' After Twilight got her keys, we proceeded to Golden Oak's Library to drop off some things before beginning to work on the Summer Sun Celebration.

On the way, Twilight talked about her life in Canterlot, what she studies, and her favorite books. During this little one-sided conversation, I learned a few things about the bookish mare that clearly shows she is far different than the cute, awkward mare from the cartoon. For example; Twilight is a lot more sociable, she is quite accommodating and understanding of both my and Spikes needs; she likes a wide assortment of books, even romance novels, and I learned she's been receiving dating advice from Cadence. Dating advice from Cadence. Dating. Advice. She outright told me she was on the market and looking for a sale. A mare sale, if I'm reading her horrible pick-up lines, stuttering, and prodding for things we had in common correctly.

Now we are walking together towards none other than Sweet Apple Acres. We ran out of things to talk about and judging from the looks Twilight has been giving me that past few minutes. She's been struggling to find something to get me to notice her. Don't get me wrong, I did notice her, but not in the way she wants me too. I don't have the time right now for relationships, and when I give the real Rainbow Dash her body back. I don't want her stuck with someone that she may or may not like. That is if she is a lesbian. Then I might have some explaining to do, however. If someone I do generally like were to hit on me, then I might give them a chance. Having someone to confide in is always nice to have. Plus, I always wanted to know what its like to have sex as a girl. My hoof sucks when it comes to jerking off, and there are no adult toy stores anywhere in Equestria for me to buy masturbators. Or condoms, and I'm not about to stuff a cucumber covered in olive oil into my cooch. That's just nasty.

Letting out a yawn, we finally came to the entrance of Sweet Apple Acres and from where I stood underneath the main gate. I could see rows upon rows of trees filled with ripe, red apples for miles—An entire forest made from various breeds of apple sat on the edge of Ponyville and bordering the Everfree Forest. Within the depths of the fruity forest, ponies could be seen apple-bucking the trees for their bounty. It was relieving to see those extra ponies helping out Applejack and her family. Three ponies working by themselves just is not enough to harvest the amount of stock grown in the orchard. Speaking of ponies, Applejack came walking towards us after bucking one of the trees. I couldn't help but smile. She looked exactly how I imagined her: Muscular, tall, with pure golden hair, cute freckles, and those thick but firm flanks! I bet she could crush a pumpkin between those cheeks.

Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle could only sigh at the sight of Applejack walking towards us. An interesting detail if I say so myself. Makes me wonder what makes me so different in comparison to everyone else we talked to along the way. I stood back a bit and let the scene play out before me so I can enjoy the sense of nostalgia.

"Let's get this over with...Good afternoon. My name is Twilight Sparkle—" And just like that, Applejack grips Twilights hoof firmly and begins the most epic hoof-shake that only an Apple could do.

"Well, howdy-doo, Miss Twilight, a pleasure makin' your acquaintance. I'm Applejack. We here at Sweet Apple Acres sure do like making new friends!" She turns to me with a bright smile. All I could do was "squeak" when she grabbed my hoof and proceeded to give me the same treatment. "And howdy' to you too Miss pretty, bright, and colorful! Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres as well!"

"Friends? We aren't—" Twilight tried to say, but was interrupted again.

"So, what can I do you two for?" And just like in the scene from the cartoon, (aside from the slight deviation caused by my presence), Spike snickered at the interruption. 'I wish I could do the same, but my hoof feels like it's been run through a roller.'

"Well, I am in fact here to supervise preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration," Twilight said after clearing her throat to gain Applejacks attention from me. "And you're in charge of the food?"

'Is that jealousy I see?' I couldn't help but wonder.

"We sure as sugar are! Would you care to sample some? Unless you and your marefriend are too busy, I won't keep y'all from whatever you two were doing," she winked knowingly. I couldn't help but wiggle my eyebrows at Twilight, earning a cute blush from the mare.

"N-No! She isn't my marefriend! We are just two mares who share interests in various things while walking through a strange town together. We aren't dating or anything. That would be weird! I mean, two mares who like each other? That's weird! Right? Weird...hehe."

"Well shucks. I didn't mean to imply. Just teasing is all," Applejack chuckled. I rolled my eyes and decided to save Twilight from further embarrassment.

"I had lunch earlier, but I could go for a pick-me-up. How 'bout it, Twi?"

"S-Sure!" And with that, Applejack called upon the family with the magical triangle of food and in an instant. We were both seated at a large table where the legendary introduction of the Apple family quickly ensued.

"Now, why don't I introduce y'all to the Apple family? It's only polite," Applejack said.

"Thanks, but we really need to hurry—"

"This here's Apple Fritter. Apple Bumpkin. Red Gala. Red Delicious, Golden Delicious, Caramel Apple, Apple Strudel, Apple Tart, Baked Apples, Apple Brioche, Apple Cinnamon Crisp—" she paused for a moment to catch her breath, "—Big McIntosh, Apple Bloom, and Granny Smith!" I had to stifle a chuckle while Applejack began introducing everyone to Twilight and me. It especially became quite difficult when she placed a dish with their corresponding name to the table before being shoved into Twilights mouth. It was far more comedic to watch in person than through a television screen.

After that, lunch was quite nice. I got to talk to Applejack and got to know her better. I even got to learn some of the things I've been dying to know about the mare since she was first revealed in the pilot episode. Mainly about her parents. They're gone; died to a pack of Timber Wolves that tried to eat Applebloom when she went exploring the Everfree Forest a few years ago. Another thing I wanted to know about Applejack had to be about her farm and if she had enough ponies to help run it. She said that she had enough workers for the harvest every year and that she wasn't looking for anyone else at the moment. Followed by a regretful "sorry." It's like she knew I was looking for work when I asked her that question. Then again, I was looking for work and Applejack was one of my back-ups. It fucking sucks I can't use her as a fall-back, which means Fluttershy is my last option, and if her end doesn't work out either? I'm going to have to leave town until an opportunity shows up where I can move here. 'It's like Fate doesn't want me to live in Ponyville. That fucking sucks.'

"Well, at least I'm not hungry anymore," I commented absentmindedly. Twilight could say the same thing with how much her stomach is bulging from the amount of food she's eaten. Her face, however, looked like she was ready to puke her guts out. I kinda' felt sorry for her to be honest. Keyword: Kinda,' since I have no clue what it feels like to be stuffed like a turkey during Christmas. I always ate as much as I could stomach. My sympathy only extends so far.

"Please, don't talk about food...hurk...I think it doesn't like me all that much," Twilight groaned. "Let's just get the weather done and dealt with. I want to lie down for a bit. So, who is in charge of the weather again?"

"Hmm, there's supposed to be a Pegasus pony named Lightning Dust clearing the clouds," Spike replied while looking at the same scroll from the Town Hall.

'Wait, wut?' I stopped, my mind doing a double-take. 'Hold on a second! Lightning Dust? She's the weather manager here. Since when!?'

"Well, she's not doing a very good job, is she?" Twilight frowned as she looked at the few clouds still in the sky. And just like in the show, but instead of Rainbow Dash doing a few tricks in the air before crashing into Twilight, it was the aquamarine mare with a two-tone, electric-yellow mane named: Lightning Dust.

It was at that moment, watching Lightning Dust stand up from the mess she made, cleaning Twilight with a small tornado, clearing the clouds in ten, seconds, flat, that my plan fell apart. I realized from that moment on, Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty, wasn't going to be an Element, and that Lightning Dust was the one meant to replace her. If I didn't act, and act fast, then not only will Rainbow lose her primary destiny but then I wouldn't be able to use the Elements of Harmony to find her soul.

I had to do something to ensure Rainbow's destiny before the return of Nightmare Moon. The question is: What can I do?