Apropos of the Sinners

by SpitFlame

Part III – Chapter V – No Time for Verse

A week had passed since that strange collision in Filio's house. Cluster decidedly took most of the responsibilities in regards to the preparations of the funeral; that is, he obviously hired the help that was needed, and Daisy managed to collect some donations from a very small group of friendly acquaintances who would certainly be attending. Funerals, if you don't know, can cost a pretty penny. Even cheap ones can take as much as one thousand bits. There was a whole plethora of errands that Cluster, in his industrious persistence, carried out, all in a timely manner.

A location was rented out—a yard by the cemetery. Not a very big one, mind you, only one-sixth the size of an acre. A wooden coffin was picked out to house the deceased Mr. Sprawl. At first the thing was entirely barren, only a hard, hollowed-out box of a coffin. Cluster took the liberty of installing some pillows (that he purchased), as well as some shoulder-rests for the ponies who would carry it. He planned out the reception food—overall, two tables with the bare minimum: chips, hay snacks, daisy sandwiches, several cheeses, chocolates, and a small fountain. Then the chairs, a podium, a scrollmaster to do the readings in accordance to the established tradition, two musicians (one for the piano, the other for the violin), and so on and so forth. Approximately twenty ponies were scheduled to arrive, but on the day of the funeral only two-thirds made an appearance, roughly speaking. The day before the funeral, Cluster spent another fifty bits on flowers for the coffin.

Daisy was eternally grateful for Cluster. He stood solidly by for ponies to rely on. He never complained, never sought compensation, and only a few times did he cut corners out of the utmost necessity. All in all, he covered ninety percent of the expenses.

Ironically, he was late to the funeral. They had waited for him and even decided finally to carry the pretty little coffin, all decked out with flowers, to its final destination for burial without him. At the gate of the yard Cluster was met with Daisy, which surprised him greatly that she was there and not by her father's side. She quickly grabbed his hoof, affectionately and without warning, and held him like that on the way inside. On the way he looked at her with some sort of curiosity, evoking a blush from her. In the coffin decorated with white lace, his hooves folded and his eyes closed, lay Mr. Sprawl. The features of his emaciated face were hardly changed at all, and, strangely, the expression on his face was serious and pensive. The flowers had been placed by his side and on his chest. During the whole process Daisy wept quietly, sitting with her head pressed against Cluster's shoulder. Several of the other ponies' faces were a tad animated, though entirely embittered.

Previously, during the past three days, Daisy had said that she would bury him on some hillside, apparently because that's exactly what her father wanted. But this was all said in hypotheticals, without any serious consideration; she knew, and Cluster knew, that this would be impossible. I personally would have been fine with it, but the others would have intervened. Oh well.

When Daisy stared at her father's face for the last time she began suddenly shaking all over, moving her head back and forth over the coffin. Cluster could see that her face twisted with burning grief. At last, they moved on with the coffin. Sweet Scroll, it turned out, had also attended the funeral, but Cluster didn't realize this till the very end. Her attitude had undergone some changes, last he saw her—she was much more composed, straightforward, yet surprisingly haughty. Cluster supposed that that display of meekness from before was a product of the situation she had found herself in. He asked Sweet Scroll, as he was leaving, to look after those who were staying behind, as well as for Daisy's case. Sweet Scroll very much obliged.

So came an end to the funeral.

* * *

We will follow up that very night, at around eleven o'clock. Daisy was in the kitchen making dandelion and pea soup. Cluster sat in the living room napping, an opened book laying flat on his face—a volume on the nature of alicorn magic, something he took great interest in. He had a bad habit of reading in the dark, which over time worsened his eyesight. He had told Daisy to wake him up when the soup was ready, although truth be told he didn't really want to be bothered.

Except this felt more like a half-dream than anything else. Cluster could almost sense himself on the couch, in the dark, with a single candle providing an amber illumination. He kept thinking, and at times found himself envisioning, what was going on in Ponyville. He had pulled a cruel act on his sister, right when they departed, but then again, he didn't care much for that. He wanted to go back to Canterlot, because he hadn't been there in well over a month. As for his feelings about his own father, Bronze, it wasn't so much hatred, but something else bordering on resentment. All his life afterwards, deep within himself, he regarded these feelings as terribly resentful. At times he would get up, guess and ponder out the dark windows, and suddenly plop back down on the couch. When all was quiet Cluster rose up, looking around him with an overwhelming and nonplussed curiosity. He jumped up with some remarkable energy, dressed himself, and went out. It was snowing. Cluster thought about what he last said to Airglow again, and even smiled that it had gone so well in his estimation. The snow was picking up. By a dark alleyway he saw a group of ponies, one mare and her two children, by a fire. They were poor, so he went up to them to give them a bit, but he had none. They gazed at him with their large, sunken eyes, and something terribly depressing glittered in them. The whole family unit he found off-putting, so he made his way further into town. Then it hit him that this was a snow storm. He trudged on, more and more, whispering to himself, "Who needs that kind of work anyway?" He looked up but didn't see a moon, and the world darkened even more. He bumped into the same family again. He was taken aback, but now he was angry. They looked at him with their beaten expressions, all while he charged his horn, and—

Cluster woke up. He was still in the living room, and that book still hung on his face. He slid it off him to find that Daisy had set the soup on the table, and she was blowing on it for him.

"It's a little hot," she said, smiling. "Just give it five minutes."

Cluster straightened himself up, suppressing a groan. He looked wearily at the soup for a long time, and at last brought it closer to him with his magic and began eating.

"Thanks," he said after the first full-mouth.

"Don't mention it! By the way," she said, tilting her head, "what book were you reading just now?"

"Oh, this? It's part of a series of books studying the different types of magic—pony magic, dark magic, and all that. This volume that I'm reading is on alicorn magic, which, incidentally, is the magic we know the least about."

Daisy passed to a pensive silence, nodding, as if inviting him to continue.

"It's also the most dangerous type of magic," Cluster, indeed, continued.

"Why's that?"

"There's a reason only alicorns like Celestia are capable of wielding it. It's unbelievably powerful, but the physical backlash from using it is equally unbelievable, and her alicorn physiology accounts for that fact. Alicorns are practically invincible; it would be very difficult to, say, strike down Celestia. You could throw a castle on top of her and she'd be fine. Her body can take the force. Even a tiny fraction of alicorn magic can produce as much as tens of billions of joules of energy. That would instantly kill any unicorn who tried to use it."

In point of fact, he thought at the same time, I remember when I first met with Celestia, when she picked me to be her personal student. I didn't even have to go through any candidate trials. But back then she had a distracted look on her face; she seemed to have been looking past me for a second, as if she was looking at somepony standing right behind me, though we were alone. Hmm...

"Whoa. Sounds intense, using that sort of magic," she remarked.

"A basic law of physics is that every action has an opposite and equal reaction. When a unicorn shoots a blast of destruction magic, they feel the same force against their horn. Firing off a shot of alicorn magic at only one percent power would be like getting hit by several houses going near the speed of sound. In other words, don't try it."

Daisy faintly giggled at that last remark with her usual girlishness, adding, "I'll be sure not to. You must know everything about magic, huh?"

"I wish. I can accomplish most spells, but not everything. I never studied things like medical magic, even though I had the opportunity to. But maybe it's for the better. Healing probably wouldn't be something I'd easily pick up."

Five minutes later and he had finished the soup. Daisy asked if he needed anything else, to which he declined and, while intending to finish his book, he instead stored it away and took to staring blankly out the window. He wasn't sure of many things, but the main thing was his return to Ponyville. Would he end up going back? Well, obviously he would, eventually, but this all felt like his interest had been stolen at the sight of trouble. He would ask himself why he went out of his way to help Daisy, or even as far as taking part in the financial dispute between Nova and Bronze, and he came away with the hypothesis that, somehow, he subconsciously convinced himself that he didn't deserve peace, and that he ought to suffer these dramas. He believed that Princess Celestia's role in his life wasn't at all effective, and that he had formed himself by the cultivation of his own habits and quirks, without guidance. But this, too, he found to be a troublesome idea. Did he personally like Princess Celestia? Sure he did; after all, she was immensely likeable and wise. But that was beside the point.

There is one circumstance, however, that I have begrudgingly kept from you, the reader. That would be the unfortunate event that led to his departure from Baltimare, while before he was seriously considering living there, at the cost of his academic life in Canterlot. Normally I would explain it to you in this dry narration format, but luckily Daisy managed to prod it out of him—by his own choosing, of course. They were going over several plans for Daisy to keep herself busy, either with work or even a potential career in the far future. By this point it was a little past midnight, and the pace of their conversation had diminished.

"What exactly did you do in Baltimare, Cluster?" she asked. "You said that you were working with some scientist, but that only lasted for two months. What about the rest?"

Cluster sighed, not without a hint of obligation, gazing vaguely at Daisy as she sat before him on the couch.

"Guess I can't keep these things from you," he said. "I didn't even tell my sister, but—that's all in the past. I stayed in Baltimare longer than I needed to because I met a mare."

"You 'met' a mare!" she exclaimed in breathless surprise, holding up her wide-eyed gaze. "I would never have guessed! How did it go? Oh, I mean, if you don't mind my asking."

Cluster was staring at her strangely, as if he were distracted and stared past her, like one does when they do not stare at the sun above them but know that it is there. He was deep in thought, and assumed that he gave the impression of a pony who wished to be left alone, which wasn't his intention.

"It's just... it's not what you think," he hurried to say, though still in hesitation. "I met her after my research assignment. The truth is that I didn't repart right when I left the apartment run by Madame Blank. I was going somewhere, I recall, to the lake by the city bridge. It was in the dead of night, with whole constellations of stars in the sky, and I needed something sublime to look at. But then something very unexpected occurred. Though, what else could I have expected? You look around, you look for some ponies in your periods of darkness, you conjecture... But the moment passes, and the next day you have the same preoccupied and pensive look as before, and then back to business."

Daisy was listening more and more, regarding him with inexpressible heed. Whenever he lapsed into a frown she would smile, as if to encourage him to continue, to show that she cared.

"Well, and then?" she asked.

"There was a mare by the railings of the canal. Strange, I thought, because she was crying. She didn't even stir when I passed by with bated breath and loud hoof-steps. Something serious must have been bothering her, or maybe it even ruined her life. Who knows. I turned back, and I thought of saying, 'Excuse me, miss,' except that line has been uttered a thousand times in every romance novel. It was only that reflection that stopped me. But while I was looking for something to say, the mare came to herself, looked around, started, and slipped by me down the embankment. I remember that I called out to her, Celestia knows why—she cast a glance at me for a second, but she turned the corner and left. Was she embarrassed by her tears? In shame? In hindsight I think that was the case.

"For some reason I remembered her face. She wasn't bad-looking, even attractive, though the tears must have given a different impression. Then the biggest coincidence struck. I was staying in the north end of the city, far away from that apartment, so I rented out a different place. This time I rented a lodging in the top floor of a manor. Ponies there were rich, and once I made my title of Celestia's personal student known, they accepted me right away. The place belonged to an aristocratic family who had moved out from Canterlot many years back: there was the wife and husband, the husband's mother, a maid, a cook, and a daughter. I spoke with the couple from whom I was renting the lodging but not with the daughter. The first and most impressionable thing I can tell you about the husband: he hated me. He kept prying me with questions about the current state of Canterlot, and was always determined to contradict me. He and I could never see eye-to-eye on anything. It was only later I discovered that he had studied at Celestia's university, and that he had wanted to be her personal student, but never made the cut. Wasn't my problem, and besides, I was going to leave in a month anyway. So, on the first night I left my lodging to get a glass of water, despite the fact that they had a maid, but whatever, I didn't mind. I went downstairs and bumped into the daughter, who just so happened to be that crying mare from earlier.

"She was awfully surprised to see that I was the lodger. 'What's your name?' I asked. 'Snowfall Blaze,' she replied. Pretty name. I remember that I spoke to her grandmother, you know, the husband's mother who lived with them. She told me that she regretted the old days—that everything was better in the old days; that the sun was warmer in the old days, that the cream didn't go sour in the old days. She had asked Snowfall about the new lodger, that being me, and said that I was 'pleasant looking.' And so here we were, meeting for the first real time. She was short and agreeable, but certainly proud. She had an almost stoic air about her. I didn't even know if she recognized me, although she gave me the gravest of looks. Heck, was I even going to ask about the crying and what that was all about? We exchanged some small talk and I went back to my room—with the water.

"Afterwards we barely spoke with each other. A few days later, one morning, I approached her mother to ask about the promise to bring in a new lamp for my room. One thing led to another. The mother was talkative, and said, 'Go, Snowfall, to my bedroom and get my calendar.' She blushed all over and went quickly, like she wanted to hide from me. I thought that was weird—the blushing, accompanied by her glance in my direction. Did she... like me? Admittedly, I was attracted to her, too, though it was purely physical; after all, I barely knew her. Later that day, when I was going out to the store, suddenly, without thinking about it, I asked Snowfall if she wanted to come with me. She didn't answer directly, and kept putting on some cryptic display. I asked both her parents, and they positively refused, declaring very seriously that she was not to leave the house. It was then that I learned Snowfall was home-schooled. Her father especially was glaring daggers at me, like I planned to seduce his daughter.

"But why home-schooled? I wanted to know why, just because. Snowfall kept giving me these short, fleeting glances whenever we passed by. That gave me something to latch onto. I spoke with the grandmother, and learned that Snowfall had been severely bullied in school. The kids used to make fun of the fact that nopony hung out with her, because unlike most rich ponies in that private school, she wasn't given an allowance, and she had anxiety about talking to ponies. It got to the point where she tried to take her own life. I mean..." Cluster paused for a moment, a hard, concentrated expression highlighted on his face; he looked positively melancholy. He confirmed that Daisy was still listening, and continued, "I mean, Snowfall kept these feelings bottled up for a long time, never telling anypony. When she nearly committed suicide, her parents were so frightened that they locked her in the house, away from society, like she was going to hurt herself and they didn't trust her with her own safety. The next day I bought some novels from the bookstore. Apparently Snowfall only ever read history or otherwise non-fiction books. I called her to my room to show her. 'I learned a few things about you,' I said, delving into some details. She wasn't taken aback, even quite the contrary. 'I can't read these,' she told me. Why? Because her father would berate her, that's why. 'It's alright,' I said, 'you can come to my room whenever you'd like, and you can read here.' Then she laughed, and said, 'You're very patient... and very interesting.' She started coming every night, at one in the morning, mind you, as if she never considered that I might be asleep. Lucky for her, I don't sleep very much. I get by on four hours a day. I asked her if she had any friends she could go and visit. She told me no. Every once in a while we'd meet by the stairs, too; but the whole time I always felt as if she was reluctantly keeping her distance from me. This went on for about a month, right to the point when I was planning to leave for Canterlot again. 'Listen,' I said one night, 'would you like to go to the theatre with me? There's going to be a play soon, about the founding of Equestria, and the critics' reviews have all been positive.' 'But what about my dad?' she said. It was only after dinner that I spoke with her parents about this, because they, too, were going to the theatre, and the grandmother or maid were going to watch over their daughter. The dad got angry with me again, and the mother was in the grey zone, because she sorta liked me. I saw that Snowfall turned crimson at the sight of this, and that she felt bad for me. I assured them that, as Celestia's most trusted and respected student, I wanted to bring their daughter along as an act of kindness, and that nothing was going to happen to her, because I would protect her, and so on. It was an uphill battle, but eventually the mother defended me.

"The theatre was in two days, and Snowfall was overjoyed. She visited my room that night and we spoke for a long time. I told her everything about me, and she did the same about herself. I made her laugh, we read books together—the whole thing went smoothly. And the next night the same thing happened, except this time she let slip, 'I really, really like you, Cluster.' Well, well, imagine my amusement. I said that I liked her, too."

Cluster suddenly stopped talking. He looked like he was contemplating, and now with a pleasant though rather weak smile, as the last words fell from his lips, he gazed sadly at Daisy.

"But then where is she now?" she asked all of a sudden, as though fearing Cluster was finished. "The way you ended that sentence sounded like something bad happened, but... well?" She leaned forward, creasing her brow, with the added gesture that implied he could be upfront with her—it was like she was trying to spread her warmth to him.

Cluster observed all of this and frowned once more. His mind was dwelling on another matter entirely, but he put it off. He even sensed a certain charm in the contemplative mood which possessed him. He found pleasure, too, in looking at Daisy, but he at last heaved a deep sigh, like he was forced to confront some idea that haunted him.

"Then we went to the theatre together," he said at last. He was ceased all at once by some peculiar desire, almost a temptation, against which he strove in vain. The melancholy thoughts came back to him. "So," he continued, levelling his sight with Daisy's eyes, "it was a fun time. The applause was loud. Then... then everything went ablaze."

"Ablaze?" Daisy was caught off guard.

"Yeah. A fire broke out. We don't know why—maybe a magical circuit got fried, which was connected to some grid, and a hot reaction happened. Point is, the fire spread quickly, and ponies were rushing to get out. Funny, really: you'd think that everypony would leave at the first sign of a fire, that it would never have time to spread. But it did. By the time any sense came to us, the flames had spread to the ceiling, and the wooden planks were tumbling down."

"But you all escaped, right!" exclaimed Daisy in total shock.

"We did—Snowfall and I. On our way out the fire grew too hot, and her parents were cut off from us among the shrieking crowd. I ran back, telling her to run, that I'd save her parents. She was stubborn, insisting that she come along. There wasn't any time to negotiate. I teleported her out of there, and informed one of the guards to keep watch over her. She was sobbing her eyes out, but what else would you have me do? I sprinted into the flames, using my magic, of course. More and more guards were still prying their way inside, because several ponies had been left behind. Eventually I caught sight of her parents. Unfortunately, the ground gave under, and a pillar came crashing down on them. Me, in my haste, hurled a magic blast right at the pillar. I don't know... maybe my aim was off... I destroyed the pillar... but then I remember there was an explosion. I think the wind pressure from my magic caused it. The smoke was rising. I could barely see. I must have been there for at least five long minutes, until I found them. Snowfall's mother—turned to charcoal. She had gotten caught in the flames. Her father was still alive, barely; he was half-buried under a hill of rubble. I looked at him in horror, ready to use my magic to help him, but he stopped me, saying, 'Stay away from her.' And he died. He died right in front of me. Several other ponies ran by and beckoned towards me. I ran out of there, hardly conscious of myself. I was safe, out onto the streets, but I felt sick, like I was going to pass out.

"So, that's all there is to it."

"But what about Snowfall?" cried Daisy in disparaging tones. "Wasn't she waiting for you?"

"I guess I got caught up in the swirling crowds, and left, not looking back. I wrote her a letter, telling her everything that had happened, her father's last words, and what I personally thought in the heat of the moment. Then I... went back to Canterlot."

"And you've never seen her since?"

"That's right."

By now Daisy had unconsciously moved very close to him, not that Cluster minded. Her eyes were misty, on the verge of tears. At the sight of it Cluster seemed amazed. She lifted a hoof and softly touched his cheek.

"I... you," she began, "I've always spoken so enthusiastically about you, because you deserve all of it. I'm sorry I couldn't have recognized this before, but know that, as part of my gratitude, I'll always be here for you."

She apparently wanted to say something else, but grew terribly timid, noticing how close she was, and backed away.

"Calm down," said Cluster softly. "First of all, how could you have known about me and Snowfall? I only told you now. Second, don't feel bad for me; this was nearly a year ago. Seriously, what's with the tears? I've moved on."

Daisy nodded in agreement, if only to reassure him. They sat there for almost another hour, very infrequently exchanging words. Eventually they ran out of things to talk about; that is, there was nothing else that needed to be said, this Daisy understood. One thing was certain in her mind—Cluster would come back to see her, even after he left. This thought put her heart at ease.

At the end of that hour she went to bed, though Cluster, who couldn't sleep, got up, looked in a mirror, and donned his saddlebag. Since he was still wide awake, he thought, May as well head out now—to a pub he was familiar with. A very strong desire to go out and buy a drink, even a small one, took hold of him. On the way out he stared at a calendar by the wall, and for some reason the date intrigued him very much. August thirtieth—officially today. He stared at it for a whole minute, then realizing that he was standing still and not doing anything, he went out, still with that peculiar date on his mind. It was only after another minute of walking did it hit him.

"Oh, that's right," he said to himself. "It's my birthday. I completely forgot."