Apropos of the Sinners

by SpitFlame

Part II – Chapter V – Mothers

"If I hadn't pulled him away," said Cluster in a quiet voice, after she entered the room and sat next to him, "he really might have killed the old-timer right then and there. There wouldn't be much left for the imagination if that were the case."

"Let's hope that never happens again," exclaimed Airglow.

"Why 'never'?" Cluster continued in the same voice, his face twisted maliciously. "Who's the bad guy here? It's not clear, in my opinion."

Airglow started.

"Look, of course nopony will die under my watch. I won't let it happen anymore than I did just now. But, anyway... Stay here if you'd like; I'm going for a walk."

Airglow did not object as he left the house.

She sat there, lost in a train of endless thought, totally unaware of the time. Her mind was fragmented; whenever she thought of an idea in regards to her current situation, its conclusion would only form halfway before another idea took its place. She felt like she wasn't able to grasp much of anything. Eventually the sun reached a certain height to shine on her face through the window. She immediately became aware that she had been sitting there for nearly an hour.

Airglow got up at once and went to her dad's bedroom; she sat with him behind a screen for at least another thirty minutes. The old stallion suddenly opened his sunken eyes and gazed silently at Airglow for a long time, evidently recollecting and pondering. Then, out of the blue, an extraordinary agitation appeared on his face.

"Airglow," he whispered warily, "is Cluster there with you? Where's Cluster?"

"He... went for a walk," began Airglow, hesitating, remembering that this was over an hour ago. He didn't even say if he'd be back. "It could be that he's keeping watch, so Nova won't get near you. He'll protect you, he promised me that."

"Bring me my mirror,” he said, and Airglow began looking around. "No, no, there, that one. Bring it here!"

Airglow found one of those small folding mirrors that stood on a desk nudged in the corner. She brought it over to him. Bronze looked wearily into it: his nose was certainly broken, his left eye swollen, and purple bruises swept up half his face. That was some punch. His face was carefully covered in bandaging.

"What did Cluster say?" he asked after a pause, looking fearfully at Airglow, yet grabbing her hoof like she were his last salvation. "Airglow... my dear... my only daughter"— something new began to occur within him, a stirring, even physical change occurred in his physiognomy, which was out of proportion with the rest of his disposition; genuine tears shone in his eyes —"I'm afraid of Cluster. I'm more afraid of him than anything else. I can't bear it. It's only you I'm not afraid of..."

"Don't be afraid, dad," said Airglow soothingly, rubbing his shoulder. She smiled. "Cluster is upset, that's all. He'll protect you."

"And what about my five thousand, Airglow? He ran to it! My dear angel, tell me: did he snatch my five thousand?"

"He didn't get anything. But... well, the financial dispute ended prematurely, so the money is still up in the air."

"But he didn't get it, right?"

"No, he didn't."

"He didn't take my money, he didn't, he didn't!" The old stallion roused himself joyfully, as if nothing else could have made him happier than that. He grabbed Airglow's hoof and pressed it firmly to his chest. A tear ran down his cheek.

"I wasn't joking," he said. "Please, please don't be angry with me. Do whatever you want, I permit it, but please don't hate me. You're all I have. My head aches, Airglow... Airglow, ease my heart, be an angel, tell the truth."

"You mean whether he took the money or not?" said Airglow sorrowfully.

"No, no, no, I believe you, but... go to Cluster yourself, find out how he sees himself in this family, as soon as possible. I must know. What? Can you do that for me?"

"I'll ask him," murmured Airglow, ears drooped low.

"No, he won't tell you anything," said Bronze curtly. "He's like a statue. He won't tell you anything to do with me. I bet he's shameless. Did you know, Airglow, that Cluster has never cried before? Even when he was born his face was as apathetic as it is now. No tears, of any kind, nothing. He's stone-cold, right down to the soul."

"I'm sure he'll warm up eventually."

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

"And with Nova... Ech! Nova's got an evil liver, I tell you. An evil liver."

"An... evil liver?" Airglow tilted her head in confusion.

"Evilness has to come from somewhere, right? It's in the liver, you can feel it, inside you. I once knew a tradespony with a funny little beard, and he was a cheat. Whenever he lied his beard would shake—that's the sign of an evil liver. And Nova's no different. He's got an evil liver in him, and it spread right to his bones!"

"That's, um, unfortunate."

"And Nova has no money, not a drop, which is why he came to me. He's looking to blow it all on the roulette tables again. And find out what's going on with his girlfriend, and why they're not engaged. And with Cluster, too. Except maybe don't. You can go now, my angel; I'll be fine. For the moment I must think."

"Goodbye, dad." And, leaning forward, she kissed him on the forehead as she did yesterday.

Passing through the front yard, Airglow found Shovel sitting on the ground by the fence. He wasn't doing anything, so she approached him and inquired about Cluster's whereabouts. He looked at her for a few seconds, smiled kindly, and said that Cluster could be found in the backyard, although this "backyard" was a little ways past the real backyard and resembled more a graveyard than anything else. About two dozen ponies had been buried there, including Petal Breeze, as well as a small memorial tomb to Stardust Gleam.

She walked down a long depression in the dirt that was used as a path, and into the yard she spotted Cluster. He was standing before his mother's memorial—a small one, made out of a single block of stone with carved inscriptions and a few dead flowers.

Airglow waited to get close to talk to Cluster, feeling that calling him from a distance would be terribly awkward. But when she covered half the distance, she stepped on a twig and, seeing that he knew she was there, said in a low voice, "Hey, Cluster..."

He turned around, but he looked like he were distracted when gazing at her, as if he were looking over her shoulder. She caught up and looked down at the tombstone.

"Are you gonna come back?" she asked.

"Come back where? To the house? No."

"I guess you're done for today then," said Airglow, forcing a little affability into her voice.

Cluster dropped his eyes for a second and turned around to face her. Airglow became embarrassed for some reason.

"I think I understand it all from those exclamations just now," he said. "Nova, most likely, won't step hoof here for a long time, and will try to find more money by some other means. I bet the old-timer asked you to talk to me, right? Well, he's done in."

"Brother, what's all this horror between dad and Nova come to?" exclaimed Airglow.

"I can't guess for certain, so I won't. What I can tell you is that every happy family is happy for the same reason, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own unique way."

A soft sigh involuntarily left his lips; he twisted his face for a second, and a cold light seemed to flicker in his eyes. He immediately became conscious of himself.

"As you can see, I came by my mother's grave. I thought I could get something out of it, but in hindsight it's stupid. Maybe it was worth it. But why bring worth into it? I guess I'm just burning time."

An awkward silence hung in the air.

"How was your mom, by the way?" asked Airglow suddenly, in order to say something.

"Could've been better."

Airglow was not entirely encouraged by this response.

"I mean," she said again, furrowing her brow, "what did she do for you and Nova?"

"She did nothing that I'd care to bring up in conversation. But what's it all good for?"

"Huh?"

"Mothers and fathers, I mean. We're individuals, sis. Blood doesn't mean anything unless you make it mean something. That's the tragic force in all this. I don't need a father, so I sure don't need a mother."

"Cluster"— Airglow frowned —"you can't say that."

"I can't?" he said readily, hunching his shoulders.

"It's the truth. You just can't, okay? Everypony needs love."

Cluster scoffed and turned sideways, putting a hoof on Stardust's tomb.

"You really don't get it, do you? It has nothing to do with needing love or any of that; obviously ponies need love," he said. "Though, is it every other day in a four-year-old's life when their mother comes into their room while they're playing with their little brother, starts choking them, fighting back the struggle, whispering repeatedly, 'It's okay, baby, mama will meet you in the afterlife. Let's get away from this world before he gets back.' Has she tried to drown you in the bathtub for the same reason? It's in bad form that these nasty habits reside. She left us early on, hurled herself off some cliffside, because of him. She lost her mind because he neglected us."

Airglow opened her mouth to reply, but thought better of it. A new kind of sorrow was enveloping her. She looked at Cluster with untold pity, and she felt an immense urge to hug him.

"But never mind that, how was your mother?" he added suddenly and dryly, staring piercingly at Airglow.

"I don't know," she muttered, and she half-consciously began surveying the area for her mother's tomb. "I never got to meet my mom. But, Cluster," she raised her voice, taking a step towards him, "no matter how bad things are in a family, it's still your father and mother, your brother and sister, not enemies, not strangers. At least—maybe—once a year—they'll show love for you, even if it's not obvious, because everypony is different and expresses their love differently. And you still belong here, in your family."

Cluster gave her the strangest of looks, like she were a total stranger to him. He felt like one of them was biding their time. He looked down once more, then back up, and blushed slightly, as if saying, "Moralize all you want, it won't make a difference. But..."

"If I were a father and had a daughter, I think I'd love my daughter more than my sons, really," he began obliquely, as if talking about something else, to divert her.

"Why is that?" she asked, smiling somehow vaguely.

"I don't know. I just would. A father may be stern as a stump, a stern and severe stallion, but he'll be down on his rump for his daughter. He'd kiss her hooves, and even admire her. She'd dance at a party for five hours, and he'd stand in the same spot for five hours, unable to take his eyes off her. A father might disown his sons and ship them off to the royal guards, but he'll go mad over his daughter; I can understand that. She'd get tired at night and go to sleep, and he would wake up and start kissing her while she slept. In the cold he'd walk with his own fur, act spitefully with everypony, but for her he'd spend every last bit, he'd give her presents, and he'd be happy to see her happy. I don't think I'd be able to handle seeing my daughter get married."

Airglow looked curiously at him.

"I don't know why," he said again. "Maybe I'd get jealous. I admit it's all nonsense, and I'm just raving. But I think, before giving her away to another stallion, I'd wear myself out with worry. In the end, though, I'd be happy if she married a pony she truly loved. It's funny, really. To a father, the stallion his daughter loves the most always seems the worst. That's how it is. A whole lot of harm is done to families because of it."

"But what about the other way around?" Airglow managed to pick up. "Is there any mare you love?"

He was silent for five seconds. A little wind swept by and carried up a swath of leaves.

"No," he said at length.

"Nopony?" she pressed. "Nothing?"

"No, not nothing, but..." He was talking more calmly, more at ease, but it was short-lived; quite a new look of irritation came to his face. He shook his head, as if disapproving of something, and began walking out of the yard. Airglow tagged behind him.

"I have a duty," he continued, more gravely than before. "Celestia will be arriving in two, maybe three, hours. I don't want to waste any more time than I already have. Goodbye."

Airglow wanted to say something else, but he was walking so fast that she had to start jogging so as to not lag behind.

She stopped by the fence in the front yard, and watched low-spiritedly as Cluster walked far ahead, without slowing down, without turning around, and soon he turned into another road, then another, and vanished from sight.

One thing was for certain: she resolved to wait for the Summer Sun Celebration and talk to Cluster then.