Apropos of the Sinners

by SpitFlame

Part II – Chapter VI – An Ardent Confession

Something almost bordering on despair was in Airglow's heart, which had never happened to her before. One main, fateful, and insoluble question towered over everything like a mountain: how would it end between her father and her brother Nova with that forsaken five grand? Now she herself had been a witness. She herself had been there and had seen them face each other. However, no matter which way this could be shuffled, only Nova would, in the end, turn out to be unhappy, completely and terribly unhappy. A disaster certainly lay in wait for him now. Other ponies might have turned out to be involved in all this (such as Misty Gem), something Airglow never imagined could happen and wished incessantly against. There was even a mysterious element in it.

Would Cluster hold to his promise and protect their father? There was something painfully concerning, almost terrifying, in how he seemed to be acting, and it was enough to evoke trepidation. Why would her father be scared of Cluster? What did it all mean? It pained Airglow to ponder such questions.

It was very strange: earlier she had set out to see Misty in great embarrassment, but now she felt none; on the contrary, she wanted very much to see her again, to tell her all that had happened that morning, as though she expected Misty to give her guidance. And yet to convey this message was more difficult than last time: the matter of the five thousand bits was seemingly decided, and Nova, now feeling himself without any hope, would not hesitate to plunge any further into the abyss of chaos.

If you want my opinion, I will say that Airglow did not feel particularly apprehensive of either Bronze or Nova. That is, in spite of all the wild and obstinate shouting that poured out from both stallions, she understood quite well that this was a product of passion, and very little else. In fact, this characteristic, studied in psychology and previously seen in Bronze's first wife, was the so-called fit of passion; so common they are in the more stiff-necked, self-absorbed, and impulsive ponies of our generation. That's just it: a mix of impulsivity and sensuality is indeed toxic, if not fatal. Such was the case with our Nova.

Airglow, however, did not have to wait very long to encounter Nova once more. She was on her way back to Ponyville (that is, away from the outskirts and into the denser part of the town) when a hoof suddenly and unexpectedly tapped her shoulder. She froze for a split second, turned around, and was greeted with an unmistakably booming voice

"Hello there, Airglow!" said Nova, staring point blank at her with extreme fixity.

"N-Nova!" she stammered, feeling slightly dazed.

"Ha, ha! You didn't except me, did you? Well, so give me the truth, crush me like a bug! Did our father decide to press charges? Eh... what's the matter?"

"Nothing, Nova... Just that you startled me. And... and... Dad's blood today was..." Airglow began to cry. She had wanted to cry for a long time now, and it was as if something suddenly snapped in her soul. "You hit him in the face... cursed him to 'tartarus'... could have even killed him... and now... here... you're acting as if nothing happened. Just... why?"

"Hush, darling, no need to languish so much!" he added hastily, striding up beside her. "Don't be ashamed of your tears, dear sister. Tears are good; they invigorate the soul. Without tears life wouldn't be worth living, that's what!"

"Okay... but..."

"Don't you recall, right outside the tavern? 'Tomorrow I will tell you'—but that was two days ago! I broke my promise, so I apologize. It completely slipped my mind, as so many things do nowadays. Ha, ha! As a bold kind of compensation, I will tell you today; right now, as a matter of fact."

"Tell me what?" said Airglow, wiping her tears away and feeling less stressed now that he spoke so familiarly with her. "You don't mean...?"

"That fatal day. I will give you everything, to the last verse, so that you can view the whole picture, and then you'll judge me finally. I can only take your judgement to heart, and nopony else's. So, understand now?"

"Your 'side of the coin,' is that it?"

"But what else? Wait, wait, explanation to follow; but this is more or less a secret, known to few. Let's go! Over there, that bench, you see? Behind that bush, you see? Let's sit down first. But first, oh, I want to kiss you!" And he pecked her once each on both cheeks.

"Okay, okay, I get it," said Airglow quickly, fighting back a smile.

They took a seat on a yellow bench, stationed between a bush and a tree. They were completely alone.

"My heart is such an uncommon place to be in," began Nova. "But goodness, I could really go for a brandy right about now!"

"Nova"— she gave a deadpan look —"focus."

"Right, I was going to tell you... but right away! And so, don't worry, I haven't been drinking. I'm just relishing, as that brat Snappo once said."

"Snappo?" Airglow cocked her head back. "He's a journalist. What's he got to do with this?"

"He wrote an article, didn't you hear?" Nova gave her a pensive look. "Hmm, it has been a long time; I guess nopony has read it. This article was about our father, his 'irrepressible' habits, as it were, in the liquor stores and the taverns, and with me and the money... but I'm rambling incoherently. One day Snappo might even become famous and still 'relish.' Oh, what foolishness! I could take you, Airglow, and press you to my heart till I crushed you, for in all of Equestria... I really, really only love you... understand!" He spoke this last line with a show of ecstasy glittering in his large eyes.

"Only you," he continued, throwing both hooves in the air, "and nopony else, except one other."

"Misty?" said Airglow in a sort of hopeful conclusion.

"But it can't be Misty, it's impossible! No, the other is that 'sordid mare,' the one I have fallen in love with, and she's the end of me. But I also hate her. Pah! You know, love and hate are not opposites, but complements. You can fall in love with a pony and still hate them. The opposite to love is, in fact, apathy. Remember that! I say it now while I can. I'll look at you and go on talking, because the time has come to relay my side of the story. By the way"— he smiled good-naturedly, as if all traces of animosity had left him —"I've decided that we really should... that is, we really ought to speak softly, because here, here of all places, the most unexpected ears may turn up. 'The walls have ears'? Pah! The air has ears. I'll explain everything, including the sequel and the post-sequel, and et cetera and more et ceteras. I've dropped the anchor, sister, and as a consequence I long for you, for your judgement. It's necessary even, because as Princess Celestia is my witness I'll fall from the clouds, because one of these days life will end and begin. It's a deep pit, guarded by the abyss watchers; grossly incandescent! Have you ever felt like you were falling into a pit such as that one? Well, I'm falling right now, but I'm not afraid. Me? Afraid of a little darkness? Ridiculous! I'm ecstatic. Say, let's praise nature: see how amazing pegasi can be? See how clear the sky is, not a cloud in sight, the weather is perfect, and the sun shines so perfectly as to lift you into the aether. Say, where were you going to just now?"

"Uh, to the... Golden Oak Library," Airglow lied, who in truth was going off to see Misty; but right after she chided herself, feeling terribly ashamed for lying.

"Oh..." Nova's posture dropped a bit, but he instantly heaved himself back up. "I actually was going to ask you to see Misty for me. Can you do that?"

Airglow felt even more terrible for lying, seeing as how she really had nothing to hide.

"Sure!" she said all too happily. "But... wait, what?" Her face immediately assumed a pained expression. "Did you really want to send me to her?"

"Ha, ha! I see that you understand everything, or at least most of it. But not a word, not a word now. Don't pity me, and please don't cry!"

Nova hopped off the bench, thought for a moment, and sat back down.

"She sent for you herself, is that it?" he asked.

"She ordered a book from the library, and asked for me to deliver it. She was awfully excited to speak with me."

"Aha, so that's how it is. She did send for you, because she wants my friendship, like you told me. Things are beginning to get unstable, Airglow. The tides are moving in and out. I must bow out to her."

"Huh?" Airglow picked up on that last phrase not without a pang of surprise. "You're going to 'bow out' to her? Wait"— she suddenly recalled —"Misty told me that you wrote her a letter, saying those exact words. Nova, are you going somewhere?"

"I mean our relationship, Airglow. I know that look; you're pitying me, aren't you? I cheated her. I was going to save her grandmother in the hospital, in Baltimare, but I squandered the bits she bestowed upon me. How could I go back? Even if she's forgiven me, it'll all begin anew. It simply won't work. You can't break these sorts of cycles."

"I know you must feel that way, but..."

"But what?"

"Nothing," she replied disappointedly. Really, what else could she say? She was a fifteen year old filly, not a relationship counselor.

"But, that aside, why kick against the pricks? To begin properly, I must, so to speak, recount the facts—my facts, of course.

"I have always led a wild life, Airglow, although back then this was doubly so. Father says I used to pay my way into mares' hearts, to seduce them, but that's all hogwash. I did no such thing! As for what really went down, that, in fact, never required a single bit. Money is an accessory, sister, a fever of the soul. When I got to Baltimare, and I stopped at that tavern, there she was: that beast. Her name is Bouquet Rose. Oh, what a beast she was! I threw mouthfuls of money around—music, noise, and the feast. I even started giving bits away for free; anypony could have come to me and asked, and I would have obliged. The ladies used to love me, not all, but most; but I, in any case, prefer dirty back lanes, the dark ones that never see the light of day. I love the back lanes, with their remote little crannies, because there I can be myself. I'm speaking metaphorically, sister. I don't mean any physical back lanes, but moral ones, the back lanes which reside in your heart. If only you could see me then... you'd know that I'm related to father. Pah! I spit on all this depravity.

"At the time I found Misty in quite the nasty predicament. A friend of hers was neck-deep in debt, and her father refused to help. So... I went to her one day, I explained to her that I was a street guard, and that I overheard everything. I saw flames burning in her eyes then—not weak flames, but powerful ones, the flames of a proud and sensitive soul. I told her that, should she ever need the money, to just come to me. Well, and so, a day went by. Then another. And another. Then a week. Two weeks. Three. Four and a half. A little over a month in, right after a training session, I found her waiting for me in my lodging. 'I'm here,' she said, 'because of your convictions.' But what did that mean? Right, right, I promised to help. 'I need you, Nova,' she said, 'I need to save my friend.' Well then, 'How much?' I asked. 'Ten thousand,' she said, quietly, yet that proud flame burned ever onwards in her dark eyes! And you know what my first instinct was? To play it all off as a cruel joke. I wanted to say, 'But madame, that's too much. I only meant fifty, at most eighty, bits. But ten thousand?' The look on her face would have been priceless. I know, I know, I'm a terrible scoundrel for thinking such thoughts. Why are you blushing, Airglow?"

"I'm not blushing at that exactly," Airglow suddenly remarked, "but because I'm the same as you. I'm also terrible."

"You? Well, that's going a bit too far, don't you think?"

"No, not too far," she said hotly, pressing a hoof to her chest. "The steps are all the same. I'm on the lowest step. You're above me. That's how I see it." (This was how bad she felt for pointlessly lying to him.)

"But surely it's not like that." Nova became evidently puzzled.

"Well, maybe not, but it's close enough."

"But can you help it?"

"I don't know."

"Stop, Airglow, stop, my dear! I want to kiss you again, just because. That rogue Bouquet has an eye for stallions like me. And she—perhaps—knows about you, and wants to 'eat you up.' I'll stop, I'll stop! From these flyblown margins let's move onto the next tragedy. The thing is, very few ponies know about Bouquet in relation to me and particularly Misty. Not even our father knows. You'd be the first. Well, except Cluster, of course. Cluster knows everything. He's known it for a long time, which is why he wanted to win the financial dispute for me. But Cluster is a grave soul."

"Cluster is grave?"

"Very much so."

Airglow was listening with great attention.

"I have always been under some observation, especially with the Royal Guard. My colonel took a strong dislike to me. He kept finding fault with me, but whatever. To tartarus with that old geezer! And besides, ponies still stood up for me. I was proud. And right to his face I would deliberately fail to show due respect. But that old colonel was not so bad, really, even hospitable, and he had a wife with three daughters. One was a maiden, and lived with her father together with an aunt. They were both simple and meek. The third daughter I never met. And the second—that happens to be Misty Gem. Everypony loved her, and we used to chat quite a bit."

"Wait," Airglow interrupted, "didn't you say that you first met her when she wanted to help her friend? That's what I heard, anyway."

"Ah, my apologies. You're as right as ever, dear sister. I think I misspoke. I knew Misty Gem before, but we were never close in 'that' way. It only became so after I lent her ten thousand. But then the authorities came to talk about her friend. 'He's short ten thousand of government money.' She was terribly depressed. 'Don't worry,' I said. 'I won't tell anypony. On that account I'm like the grave, but just in case: when they ask him for the ten thousand, and he loses everything because of it, then instead of having to face it all, why don't you secretly send me your institute mare? I've just received money; maybe I'll fork some out for you.' 'You're terrible!' She went away in a rage. But I kept shouting that I'd help her.

"Strange things do happen. Nopony noticed her coming into my place. I rented a lodging from two widows of local officials, and they respected me greatly. Misty came in and looked squarely at me, her eyes defiant, yet irresolute. Then, she told me what I told you. I thought of playing my joke, and she would run away, but no. I didn't keep her for long; I turned around, went to the table, and signed a ten thousand bit bank note. I folded it, gave it to her, all in profound silence, and she bowed before me and was off like the wind.

"Then? Well, then her father found out, and I... well, I became her fiancé."

"Huh? Her fiancé, just like that?"

"I became her fiancé two months after those events, and not at once. I offered her my hoof, and after much contemplation, much back-and-forthing, we became an item, so to speak. Then the incident with her grandmother in Baltimare, and my recklessness, and now... here we are."

"What now?"

"Now I've called you today to send you to her—this very day—to send you to Misty—to confirm, not from a letter, but from an actual pony—that I bow out."

"But weren't you going to pay her back?"

"I only have five thousand. I need the other five."

"But is that even possible?"

"That's why I'm sending you, because it's impossible. How could I tell her myself?"

"And where are you going?"

"To the back lane."

"To Bouquet then!" exclaimed Airglow mournfully. "There's no need. I'm convinced that Misty loves you, Nova."

"Pah! Misty loves her own virtue, not me." The words broke involuntarily, and almost malignantly, from Nova. He laughed, but a minute later his eyes gleamed; he flushed crimson and struck his hooves together.

"I swear, Airglow," he cried, with genuine anger at himself, "that, as Princess Celestia governs this great land, I swear that though I smiled at her lofty sentiments, I know that I am a million times baser in soul than she, and that these lofty sentiments of hers are as sincere as an angel's. That's the tragedy of it—that I know that for certain. I'm done for, I'm afraid."

They were silent for some time, and all these squalid arguments subsided. Then a sort of realization awakened within Airglow, a point of fact which she had temporarily forgotten and concluded that it could be relevant in the moment. After all, what was there to lose?

"If it makes you feel any better," she said suddenly, after the long pause, "Misty gave me a ticket to a train. It's for two ponies. You want to come with me?"

"What's that?" Nova's ears perked. "What train?"

"The... uh..." She looked up, straining to remember. "The Flying Rift Express. It's a luxury transcontinental. Do you know it?"

"Do I!" cried Nova, smiling widely. "Ahem! Yes, yes, I know it. The Flying Rift. Wait, wait, this is it! This is my chance! It goes all around Equestria."

"Half of it, actually."

"Eh? Which half?"

"In the north."

"Perfect!" cried Nova again, and he jumped from his seat. "Redemption is still on the table!"

"Wait, really?" said Airglow in great excitement. "That's amazing to hear. What do you have in mind?"

"Ha, ha! Don't worry about the details, Airglow." And, sighing happily, he kissed her once more. "Just know that not all is lost. But for now... hmm..." A devilish grin appeared on his face. "For now tell Misty what I told you: that I officially bow out. I don't want to assume too much. But if all goes well... hmm... we'll see in the long run."

And then, in a sort of newfound fury, as if drunk, Nova came right up to Airglow, grasped her shoulders, and began shaking her.

"Do you know, you innocent filly, that all of this is raving, impossible raving, because here's the tragedy! I tell you, Airglow Sky: I can be a mean pony, with passions mean and ruinous, but a thief Nova Steel can never be! When Misty gave me the money for the hospital expenses, she asked me to post it in my name, so that nopony in Baltimare would know. That's when I met Bouquet Rose and spent it all on her. Later I pretended that I had raced to Baltimare and back, but I didn't present her with a postal receipt; I told her I sent the money, but nothing; then word spread about Bouquet and I, and Misty found out. That's why I bow down to her. And, besides that, that's why this train is my last resort."

"Nova, what's the matter with you!" exclaimed Airglow, jumping up from the bench and staring at Nova, believing that he had gone mad and had decided to rob the train.

"What's wrong? I haven't lost my head or anything," said Nova, looking at her intently and even solemnly. "For now I thank you, dear sister. I know the train leaves next month. We will see each other then, or a bit before, I suppose. For now I'll sit and wait. Until then..."

This signaled an end to their conversation. They kissed each other goodbye and departed. Airglow, deep in thought, went back to Golden Oak, to grab a bite to eat, then head off to Misty's place.

Wait, so I am going to Golden Oak first, she thought, which means I technically wasn't lying. Huh...