Tempest sat on her balcony, a quill held between her lips as she gazed out over Ponyville. She tugged her fleece blanket tighter around herself, hoping that it would banish the morning cold from her fur. She pulled her hind legs in closer, then tucked the blanket under her hooves, leaving her list sitting in front of her. She frowned over her minimal progress, frustrated that she, once an eminent military commander, could not complete a task as important as this.
She spit the quill from her lips. Glancing down at her rather short list for what felt like the hundredth time, she read it again, then laid her head on the railing as she closed her eyes. Okay, first things first. We need to get communications back up, which means the railroads need to be repaired across all of Equestria. The line between Canterlot and here was fine, but we need the rest of the lines connecting us to other cities and towns to be fixed; Canterlot alone cannot provide us with the lumber we need. Spike can send letters to Celestia; at least we have that. Next would be to get building supplies, like wood, nails, tools, and whatever else we need. I doubt that we would be able to cut down enough usable wood to rebuild Ponyville from the nearby woods, so getting the train tracks to other places repaired would help a ton. What else should be done?
The sound of a door opening made Tempest’s eyes snap open. She glanced to the right and saw Twilight walk out onto her own balcony, a yawn forcing itself past her lips.
Tempest cleared her throat. “Morning,” she said, a light smile gracing her lips. “You happen to get any sleep last night?”
Twilight sighed. “Not really. Still had some nightmares.” She flitted over to Tempest’s balcony and sat beside her, a shiver running down her back. “What about you?”
Tempest shook her head as she rubbed her foreleg with a hoof. “I heard you groaning in your sleep again last night, but... I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to wake you up, leave you alone, or... snuggle you again. You, uh... sorta kinda kept me up most of the night.” She pulled the blanket out from under her hind legs and held it open for her. Twilight shot her a grateful smile and scooted closer to her, using her magic to wrap the blanket around herself.
“Sorry about that. I just don’t know what to do. I told Princess Luna to not make me a priority in her dream realm, but after last night... I might just have to ask her for help. I just don’t see any other option.” Twilight let loose another yawn. “There are so many other ponies out there suffering from nightmares, though. As a princess, I have to put the needs of others before myself. I can’t help but feel like I’m stuck.”
“Well...” Tempest paused as Twilight scooted up against her side, allowing them to pull the blanket closed in front of them. Her friend’s warmth seeped into her fur, warming her a lot faster than the blanket could ever accomplish. “Starlight told me the other day that you can’t help others if you don’t take care of yourself.” Tempest shifted in place, her tail swishing about behind her. “Also, I remember you saying yesterday that I shouldn’t feel sorry for snuggling with you, which leads me to believe that you liked snuggling with me. If you want, we can try snuggling again tonight and see if that helps. I just want what’s best for you, really.” Twilight glanced up at her with an inquisitive gaze, making her mouth go dry. “Just to keep us from having nightmares,” Tempest added quickly.
“Sure, I suppose we can give it a shot. I admit it was pretty nice, and I could definitely go for a night without nightmares,” Twilight said as she fluffed her wings. She glanced down and cocked her head to the side ever so slightly. “What’s this?” she asked, using her magic to pick up the piece of parchment between Tempest’s hooves.
“Oh, just a little bit of planning. I wanted to get a head start on figuring out what really needs to get fixed first. I feel like our little meeting yesterday mostly covered short-term solutions and not long-term solutions. Feeding everypony is good and all, but afterwards, we need to round up as many willing ponies to help contribute to Ponyville’s restoration, not just those trained in construction.”
“That’s a good point; we can do that after we feed everypony in a bit. Speaking of which, we should go wake up the rest of our friends if we want to get those apples.” Twilight stood up and walked back towards the door leading to Tempest’s bedroom. “Shall we?” she asked.
“Sure, and I’m glad you came outside when you did.”
“Why’s that?”
Tempest let a sheepish grin slide onto her face as she avoided Twilight’s gaze. “Well, uh... I kinda locked myself out.”
Tempest tightened the apple cart’s strap around her barrel, making sure that it was nice and snug. She took a few steps forward and shot Applejack a confident grin. “Hey, you can hook up another load of apples to the back of my cart if you can. I can easily bring back two!”
“Ya sure about that?” Applejack asked, cocking her head to the side. “They sure are mighty heavy!”
Tempest nodded. “They are, but we wouldn’t have to make a second trip if anypony wanted seconds or thirds. Besides, we need some carts back in town to move supplies around.”
“Heh, that’s a good point. If you’re sure that you can do it, then I’m sure everypony would be mighty thankful.” Applejack secured a second cart to the rear of Tempest’s, then wiped her brow with a hoof. “We all ready to go, gals?” she asked, looking at the rest of her friends in turn.
“We sure are!” Starlight said, pulling her cart up next to Tempest’s.
“Alrighty then!” Applejack secured her own harness around her barrel, then trotted down the path back towards town.
Tempest waited for everypony else to pass her before she started pulling. The harness dug into her fur, making her wince at the strain. The wheels turned a little as she strained to get the carts rolling, and without warning, they lurched forward. She shot a quick glance at Starlight and noticed her horn was lit, an earnest grin plastered across her friend’s face.
“Sorry. Just wanted to help you get started,” Starlight said, her horn dimming. “I’m sure that your load is pretty heavy.”
“Yeah, it is.” Tempest settled into a trot, albeit one slower than everypony else. Starlight kept pace beside her as the rest of their friends pulled ahead. “So, about your idea...”
“Yeah?”
“If the Storm King’s army destroyed Twilight’s mirror, there’s a pretty high chance that there aren’t any other mirrors in town for me to use. I’d like to replace Twilight’s mirror sooner rather than later.”
“Well, somepony around town has a mirrors and windows store. Maybe we could try looking there first!” Starlight said, a gleeful pep in her step. “They might, and I mean that with a lot of skepticism, just have one mirror we could buy.”
“There is?” Tempest asked, shooting a quick glance at Starlight. “You know their name?”
“Nah, but I would recognize him if I saw him again. I’ll let you know if I spot him when we give out apples soon. Celestia knows I could use a new mirror, too...”
Tempest couldn’t help but notice Starlight’s tone change in her last sentence. “Wait, did you have a mirror of your own? One with pictures just like Twilight’s?”
“...Yeah.”
“Oh. I’m sorry about that.”
The rest of their journey lapsed into silence as they made their way back into Ponyville. With the sun rising up into the sky at their backs, they parked their carts on the side of the path leading up to Twilight’s castle.
Tempest breathed a sigh of relief as she unclasped the cart’s harness from her barrel, thankful to be free from its grasp. Starlight parked her cart right next to hers and plopped down beside her. “You think everypony would be up by now?” Tempest asked.
“Probably, but we still need time to make some coffee for those who want it,” Starlight said, beckoning her towards the castle. “Come on, I know the both of us could use a good strong cup or two!” She turned and trotted up the steps and waited for Tempest to catch up.
“Heh, you can say that again!” Tempest said with mirth as she trotted into the castle with her. Twilight and the rest of her friends had already made their way inside. Once they neared the kitchens, a horrible realization struck Tempest. “Starlight, wait,” she said, stopping in place. “Isn’t the coffee creamer all gone?” she asked, wincing ever so slightly.
Starlight huffed. “Ugh! You’re right! Twilight used the last of it yesterday.” Starlight’s shoulders slumped. “What are we gonna do now? I hate drinking coffee without any creamer.”
“Yeah, me too, but what about sugar? We could probably add enough of it to make drinking coffee bearable!” Tempest said, nudging Starlight’s side with her shoulder. She shot her a warm smile and said, “Besides, coffee with sugar is better than drinking it straight, right?”
“I suppose...” Starlight groaned. “Looks like we’re off to a great start this morning...”
“It’ll be fine. We can probably find some more coffee creamer in town. Where do you guys usually buy it from?”
“From the market, but Celestia knows that that isn’t opening any time soon,” Starlight said, pushing open the door to the kitchen.
“Uh... how would Celestia know such a little detail like that?” Tempest asked with a chuckle. “It’s not like she’s able to know everything that’s going on in all of Equestria.” She followed Starlight into the kitchen and paused again, her ears flicking back to lay flat on her head as her eyes went wide. “Wait... can she?”
“What?” Starlight glanced back at her with furrowed eyebrows. “Of course she can’t.”
“Oh. Right,” she said with a sheepish grin. If she was able to watch over all of Equestria at the same time, she would have most definitely sensed the Storm King’s invasion coming from miles and miles away. Gotta think before I say something stupid... “Sorry. I just haven’t had any coffee yet.”
“Heh, I understand. I say dumb things sometimes too when I haven’t had coffee,” Starlight shot back with a grin. “Anyways, we’ll just have to make do with what we have for now.”
“Yeah.” She sat down next to Starlight and set her gaze on Twilight. “Hey, what’s the hold up?” she asked, her gaze switching to the upside-down bag of coffee in Twilight’s grasp.
“We ran out of coffee up here,” Twilight said. “Can you and Starlight run down to the basement and bring up a few bags? There should be some on top of the shipping crates.”
“Yep!” Starlight nudged Tempest’s leg with a hoof as she stood up. “Come on, let’s get a move on.”
“Alright,” Tempest said. “So where is this basement?”
“Just down the hall.” Starlight turned and trotted further down the hallway, then stopped in front of a thick wood door. “Pretty sure it’s through here!” she said, lighting her horn. “I still get turned around in here from time to time.” She yanked it open and peered inside. “Well, there are some steps going down, so this has gotta be it.”
Tempest shrugged. “I suppose so. You would know better than I, after all.”
Starlight kept her horn lit as they made their way down the winding staircase. When they finally reached the bottom, she pushed more magic into her horn and cast a ball of light to sit in the middle of the room. “Ugh! What’s that smell?”
Tempest bit her tongue as she groaned. “So they hit the basement, too? Those beasts sure were thorough; more than I gave them credit for,” she said, taking a few steps into the room. “Where’s the coffee? There might be a chance that they didn’t do anything to it, but...”
“But what?” Starlight asked with a whine as she walked past her.
“They were trained to destroy anything that could be of use to the inhabitants of Equestria. The Storm King gave them orders to destroy railroads, bridges, and any other infrastructure deemed important enough to cripple the country. While coffee wasn’t on the official list... food was. Maybe they left the coffee alone.”
“One can only hope.” Starlight walked further into the room and disappeared behind some large crates. “Or maybe they just wanted to destroy a princess’s supply of coffee.”
“What do you mean?” Tempest asked as she walked up beside Starlight. Crates of coffee lay smashed on the floor, the horrid smell growing much stronger. Her nose wrinkled up as she noticed several large piles of excrement mixed in with the coffee beans. “Oh. Uh... Twilight’s not gonna like this.”
“I don’t like this!” Starlight kicked some of the broken wood further into the mess. “So what are we gonna do now?”
Tempest bit back a yawn. “Well... good question. I have no idea.”
“I’m not going to be the one to tell Twilight about this.”
“Yeah... I figured as much.”
NOT THE COFFEE!!!
I bet the coffee lovers are going to be furious about this development. Not me though as coffee just makes me sick.
They destroyed Starlight’s graduation present?!?! Kill them!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
And so the age of coffee has ended...
I like this chapter because...
Tempest is creating strong bonds with her new friends in this chapter, which will set you up nicely for what is to come in the near future. I like the conversational parts, where we are able to see how you portray Tempest's character in casual settings. She, ironically, is portrayed to be quite the loquacious pony despite being lonely through her entire adulthood. As we know, she was not always alone; she had caring friends and a loving mother (who snuggled with Tempest!) in her childhood. A possible theme that derives from this aspect is 'feeling like a kid again', in which Tempest feels more and more like Fizzlepop as she pushes away her life as a Commander under the Storm King. Her conversational personality in this chapter represents her separation from Commander Tempest, as she is becoming reformed rather quickly. I would find it really cool if you were to, at some point, start having everypony call her by her real name Fizzlepop to represent an abrupt change where she no longer believes in a solitary life ("And as you take that first step, Upon a path that's all your own, You see it all so clearly, The best way to survive is all alone") .
Consider this sentence:
I found this to be very fitting to her military experience as a commander. One thing that wolves do when traveling in packs is the leader will always stay behind everyone else to be sure that nobody strays behind or gets lost. This was just a neat connection that I noticed, pretty cool nonetheless. Tempest is seemingly becoming the leader of this operation through her display of leadership skills. She does planning, takes initiative action, and acts like a leader (wolf pack connection) among the ponies.
You did a great job with dialogue posture in this chapter!! For most of the time, you could pick out any quote out of context and anyone could identify who is talking based on their word choice and tone. This can be easily noted from Applejack's dialogue, where you used words like "mighty", "gals", and "alrighty".
Oh, and also there were a couple of cute parts that I particularly liked, such as Tempest thinking of Twilight here:
Tempest wants to surprise Twilight with a brand new mirror, and boy will that be a special moment for those two.
I did not like this chapter because...
Coffee. It honestly should be the least of their worries at the moment. I want to lay down the foundation of this argument first, in which is presented by Tempest, quoting Starlight:
According to Starlight, one should take care of oneself if they want to help others. This is a true proverb that is a good lesson, however giving oneself coffee is overextending the boundaries of this proverb. I would not have a problem with it if it were easy to fetch a cup of coffee, however an incredible chunk of this chapter is dedicated to finding coffee for everypony. Even when they were able to attain some, they complained about not having creamer. REALLY??? No creamer for your coffee is a bigger problem than everypony being homeless? When the proverb speaks of taking care of oneself, it does not impose luxury to oneself; it simply means to make sure you aren't harming yourself through starvation, sleep deprivation, or exquisite suffering. Being a little tired in the morning is surely something they can handle.
Coffee is so significant in this chapter, that the word "coffee" was written 7 more times than "Twilight" but I cannot see any real meaning to it (yet).
A nice way to end a day, cant wait for the next chapter ^^.
Also, minor mistake here:
8675822
Thanks lol.
Excrement mixed with the coffee beans. Makes me wanna bring the so-called Storm King back and treat him to the most heinous form of torturing.
Who Shits in Coffee?
My mother would fight her way into hell and drag the Storm King back into the land of the living just so she could murder him again for that. Never mess with a coffee person's coffee.
PS. This is exactly why I drink Tea. No one ever does anything horrible to Tea...except in Boston, of course.
Just drink it guys! It's totally a gourmet delicacy, like Monkey Poop coffee.
I can’t tell if that’s a joke about how she is definitely gay for Twilight
8675784
Creature comforts are high priority when maintaining morale. I have seen people knee deep in a mess have a much harder time once they can't feed their habits of caffeine or nicotine, it's why you get instant coffee, chocolates, and gum in ration packs.
8676299
Hey, now it's super-expensive gourmet coffee...
8676466
Oh that's a great point to bring up! Morale is incredibly crucial to tense situations, as it will allow people to think straight and stay motivated. But my argument stands; a ration pack has said amenities accessible to everyone and can be distributed quickly, whereas this scenario involves a hunt for them, going way out of the way for something that loses value as it takes more effort to attain it. It reminds me of losing a pen. You just had it on your desk, and now it should be on the floor, in your pocket, under a book, under your bottom. Once you check the easily accessible places, it really isn't worth it to get up and flip your whole room upside down.
Thanks for bringing that up! I was having trouble finding meaning to coffee in this chapter, but your explanation makes it very clear.
Tempest wants that Twilight booty in bed
Uh... Oh... Hell have no fury over a woman who's hasn't had her coffee!
Well, I guess no coffee then ?
Zecora should be a viable option if you want tea, but otherwise...
Nice to see Tempest forming bonds with both Twilight and Starlight, as it's nice to see you take time to set up what is to come.
8676529
True, there is a point where you should give up on the unnecessary when there are greater problems.
My head cannon reasoning would be that Starlight being a (albeit unusual) civilian pony from Equestria doesn't know better and Tempest realizes that a more relaxed higher up means smoother work.
Awesome chapter looking forward to more
Damn...the Storm King is hardcore. He goes around from country to country, steal all their valuables and magical artefacts, and then cripples their infrastructure so they wouldn't be a threat against him once he moves on because he's not a fan of actually ruling anything, and people say he was not a dangerous villain? Seriously, I can't think of any villain in the show barring King Sombra or maybe Tirek who was that evil.
*spat
Wrong tense.
Why is she wincing?
Oh, silly Tempest frauline. She is Celestia, She nowz all of ze inner wurkinz ov ze cuntry, vedder yu zily pony like zit or not.
Twilight Sparkle, who until now had been nothing more than a solid stone statue, suddenly came to life and was holding an empty packet of coffee in her hooves despite being an Alicorn PrincessTM with the magical ability to lift things with her horn.
Or did she already do something? I wasn't even aware Twilight was present...
*checks*
Nope. Not so much as a mention.
Everypony grimaced, Spike in particular who had arrived just in time to witness Starlight mutilating her own horn. "Oh, oh- oh god--" He turned green, and then puked everywhere.
A contingent of guards later found her wandering near the Everfree forest with no recollection of how she got there, nor where she found the black alicorn foal in her hooves.
Sorry, this had a point when I started. Now it's just too much fun...
Nope, it's fine. Those particular variety of coffee bean are packaged that way. It adds... a refined taste.
8676488
I'll be damned. then GlimGlam and Fizzle are solid.
great chapter! Cant wait for more abyss!
mine and probably twilight reaction to finding out
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Now "Did someone put shit in your coffee?" has a new meaning.
Those fiends! The sacrilege! Not the coffee!
Heh, Starlight was quite fast to call dibs on not telling Twi.
Well, even more displays of how much harm has been done.
Anyway, the promise of more snuggles is always a good thing.
8677791
wow and I thought that I did a close reading of this...
Good job finding those
8685237
Oh, well... Thanks! ^^
I just hope my pestering isn't too much. I hope nothing more than to see this story, and Aby's art, to improve.
8685963
That's the whole point! He reads every comment to become a better writer from feedback
8686016
Oh that's good!
Tbh, there are things I've noticed but not wanted to bring up for fear of being too annoying.
Wait wait wait... Where is Discord during all this!? Is he taking a vacation in a nother dimension or something... He could fix this all in seconds... It was a good thing he wasn't there for the movie... It would have been the shortest invasion in the history of Equestria and everypony can picture it too... "You messed with my FLUTTERSHY!!" Discord looks angrily at the Storm Kings troops and 'snap' they were all dust in the wind, like he tried to do to the Changelings...
8737138
You know as well as everyone else that he doesn’t give a damn.
8738993
Of course I do, he's like a more annoying version of the Genie from Alladin, he too could fix every problem they had in the show or the movies and that's why the writers made him lazy or had him doing some random c**p nobody cares about...
8678854
There actually is a type of coffee that has *shit* in it. It disturbs me greatly.
8742130
Are you talking about the Luwak Coffee? No no no, the shit isn't left in that one. Some Asian cat eats the coffee beans, and when they leave at the "output" section, people collect it, wash it thoroughly and do a ton of things (by hand, not by any machines) to make it into something consumable. So it doesn't actually have shit in it, it just went "through" that animal.
8742666
Technically it still involves shit.
I drink my coffee black. It's better without sugar or creamers
8871940
I can't stand black coffee. I always use french vanilla creamer. :)
I've... actually done this.
It's still funny.
just
for this passion for coffee I do not know if someone is really interested
I accept that the author likes the coffee but the characters Introduced in the fiction we all have the same common points liked the big bowl of coffee
otherwise I want it to be a plot that revolves around to accept that the story goes on as well
but if it's just introduced for talking about personal passion not interested was not that it's not interesting but advent really given following this opinion I will read more of this no hoof
Coffee for Twilight is like Celestia with cake.
8871949
You don't drink your coffee black? You monster! #blackcoffeematters
Once you begin to appreciate black coffee, consuming it becomes much cheaper, and produces less trash.
Also, the full health benefits of coffee are realized.
Once you start using a reusable coffee filter, or use a french press, then you don't have to worry about the paper impact.
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Health benefits of coffee
Best if you drink it black