She waited. Good girls waited. She hadn’t always been a good girl but beat a dog enough and it soon learns obedience. Ponies are no different. Not even monsters like her.
Your not a monster Vinyl. Your DJ Pon-3!!!
“My first successful pegasus get,” Voron said proudly. “Can you believe her mother’s husband thought she was his? His screams were hilarious when he found her empty crib.”
Voron you son of a...!!!
“You will look after Vellum while I sleep. I will teach both of you from now on. She is by far the youngest daughter I’ve ever brought into the fold. Maybe this age will make her more biddable than her predecessors. She might even survive as long as you have. I do so want a pegasus in the family,” Voron went on blithely.
So, you want a Vampire Pony from each tribe do you? Why am I not surprised.
“Indeed they do. And it has been so very long since I had to punish you, sweetness. It would be a shame if you forced me break that streak through your own misbehaviour.” He raised his eyes as if in thought. “Or break you. I’m not sure which.”
I'm not sure if I want to know what me means by that.
Vellum giggled enthusiastically, little forehooves tapping in what seemed like approval. She was still exactly where Voron had told her to stay. She had watched the whole thing. She immediately held her forelegs out, demanding that Voron pick her up. He did so, laughing when she insisted on hugging him and nuzzling into his embrace like he really was her father.
Geez ... there's some really strong overtones of sexual abuse in the way you approach Voron's feeding. Maybe it's obvious enough that I don't need to point it out, but it made that scene especially uncomfortable. These flashbacks are very well done; the present reads much differently with them in mind.
With precision honed by hundreds of hours’ practise manipulating multiple things at once at her turntables, Vinyl halted every single object in mid-air.
This is not a good spot for this longwinded attempt to connect Vinyl's fighting skill with her DJ skills. It slows things down and comes out forced and awkward. We get it, she's a DJ. It's a fight scene and descriptions should be short, swift, even a bit choppy to convey frantic motion. Perhaps later, when things have calmed down a bit, evil vampire dad can ask how Vinyl managed to get so good with telekinetic precision and Vinyl can either reply or just think to herself that all those hours working turntables really paid off.
[GRUNT FROM BEING STABBED]
I don't like this. It looks like stage directions for a play or notes for the audio drama. It looks so out of place as prose.
He didn’t get any further.
No shit. He just went "Urk!" While he was talking a line ago.
Voron roared with pain and rage.
He just got stabbed by a pony he considers his inferior. No shit it's in pain and rage.
“Vanelda, say hello to your little sister. Her name is Vellum.”
So we have Voron and his daughters: Vanelda and Vellum. You know, I once joked that the reason Griffon names tended to begin with the letter G was so that they could form alliterations with the title "the Griffon", so Gilda the Griffon, Gabby the Griffon, and Gustav the Griffon. Is this why all the vampires have V names? So they can all have "the Vampire" as their titles?
Overall, the fight scene's a bit cluttered. I like the action packed chapter though and the evil sister is an interesting addition.
9227809 They're making a voiced rendition of this story concurrently with the print release. I think Scribbler just forgot to remove one of the audio notes when uploading it.
...Okay, that feeding scene is one of the grossest things I have ever read. @_@ I had to stop in the middle. Is this just something he does for his own sadistic pleasure, or is it the only way he can feed, and thus the reason he's so keen on procreating?
I'm not sure whether you'll see this comment, but if by chance you do, I was wondering if you could provide some insight as to what happened to Clover and her family? I mean, obviously they were murdered by Voron and quite possibly Vanelda as well. That much is clear, considering she and Voron were occupying Clover's family home during the time that Vellum was born. But from the sound of it, it seemed like Clover had considered Vanelda to be a friend of sorts? My own personal theory has always been that Voron instructed Vanelda to befriend the poor filly as a means of getting close to her and her family so they could inevitably kill them all and take their house. Voron does so love to lord his power over his children and that breed of cold-blooded manipulation seems right up his alley.
I know this is an extremely rudimentary topic, considering Clover is an exceedingly minor character in the series and is already dead, but it's something I've always wondered about, even years later.
As always, thank you for writing Vampiolence in the first place. It's personally one of my long-standing favorites of the entire fandom, I think I've read and reread it at least a dozen times so far and every single time, I enjoy myself. It's a fantastic series, and you are an exceptionally talented writer.
11592437 You're actually completely right. Voron instructed Vanelda to befriend Clover so her neighbours would be used to seeing her around, then moved himself and his family in. It's not obvious from the story proper, but Vanelda had to drink from Clover while she was still alive before Voron killed her in front of her, lording it all the while that Clover had been betrayed by someone she thought was a friend, which served the dual purpose of dissuading Vanelda from ever making proper friends or connections outside the family because it would put them in danger.
Aww, thank you for your kind words! I'm still really proud of this one.
Yay, Tavi's alive!
Like hell it is!
Your not a monster Vinyl. Your DJ Pon-3!!!
Voron you son of a...!!!
So, you want a Vampire Pony from each tribe do you? Why am I not surprised.
I'm not sure if I want to know what me means by that.
That poor little foal...she has no idea.
Well, you've definitely done a good job of making Voron a monster, in every sense of the word.
I almost wonder if there's actually anything Vinyl can do to escape his reach.
Such an awesome story! Voron is definitely monstrous in every sense. Can't wait to see how Vinyl's life plays out in the past and the present.
I feel like this is not supposed to be here.
Things are just going to keep getting worse for Vinyl, aren't they?
9226983
What a fucking monster. Both Voron and Vellum are basically irredeemable. Voron a monster by choice and Vellum by influences
9227380
Sadly, yes....
Final boss fight: Vinyl vs Vellum. Calling it now.
Geez ... there's some really strong overtones of sexual abuse in the way you approach Voron's feeding. Maybe it's obvious enough that I don't need to point it out, but it made that scene especially uncomfortable. These flashbacks are very well done; the present reads much differently with them in mind.
9227252
This is not a good spot for this longwinded attempt to connect Vinyl's fighting skill with her DJ skills. It slows things down and comes out forced and awkward. We get it, she's a DJ. It's a fight scene and descriptions should be short, swift, even a bit choppy to convey frantic motion. Perhaps later, when things have calmed down a bit, evil vampire dad can ask how Vinyl managed to get so good with telekinetic precision and Vinyl can either reply or just think to herself that all those hours working turntables really paid off.
I don't like this. It looks like stage directions for a play or notes for the audio drama. It looks so out of place as prose.
No shit. He just went "Urk!" While he was talking a line ago.
He just got stabbed by a pony he considers his inferior. No shit it's in pain and rage.
So we have Voron and his daughters: Vanelda and Vellum. You know, I once joked that the reason Griffon names tended to begin with the letter G was so that they could form alliterations with the title "the Griffon", so Gilda the Griffon, Gabby the Griffon, and Gustav the Griffon. Is this why all the vampires have V names? So they can all have "the Vampire" as their titles?
Overall, the fight scene's a bit cluttered. I like the action packed chapter though and the evil sister is an interesting addition.
Voron is a demon... he should get an appointment with Doom Slayer.
9227809
They're making a voiced rendition of this story concurrently with the print release. I think Scribbler just forgot to remove one of the audio notes when uploading it.
9228461
It's disappeared now so that is indeed the case. It is good that people pointed it out though.
I am looking forward to the rest IF they do more
Welp we got a psycho little sister now.
Reminds me of a different fanfiction on this site.
OK, first of all great chapter, second of all why no raspberry for you know who in the audio adaptation?
9212811
Well... There is one at least. I wrote it.
I feel like this should be formatted. Like, at all.
...
Okay so I'm aware that this fic is dark but if this goes on for much longer it's going to overload into utter despair.
Go, Octavia! :D
...Okay, that feeding scene is one of the grossest things I have ever read. @_@ I had to stop in the middle. Is this just something he does for his own sadistic pleasure, or is it the only way he can feed, and thus the reason he's so keen on procreating?
10613889
A little of column A and a little of column B. Voron is a narcissistic sociopath who thrives on dominating those weaker than him.
I'm not sure whether you'll see this comment, but if by chance you do, I was wondering if you could provide some insight as to what happened to Clover and her family? I mean, obviously they were murdered by Voron and quite possibly Vanelda as well. That much is clear, considering she and Voron were occupying Clover's family home during the time that Vellum was born. But from the sound of it, it seemed like Clover had considered Vanelda to be a friend of sorts? My own personal theory has always been that Voron instructed Vanelda to befriend the poor filly as a means of getting close to her and her family so they could inevitably kill them all and take their house. Voron does so love to lord his power over his children and that breed of cold-blooded manipulation seems right up his alley.
I know this is an extremely rudimentary topic, considering Clover is an exceedingly minor character in the series and is already dead, but it's something I've always wondered about, even years later.
As always, thank you for writing Vampiolence in the first place. It's personally one of my long-standing favorites of the entire fandom, I think I've read and reread it at least a dozen times so far and every single time, I enjoy myself. It's a fantastic series, and you are an exceptionally talented writer.
11592437
You're actually completely right. Voron instructed Vanelda to befriend Clover so her neighbours would be used to seeing her around, then moved himself and his family in. It's not obvious from the story proper, but Vanelda had to drink from Clover while she was still alive before Voron killed her in front of her, lording it all the while that Clover had been betrayed by someone she thought was a friend, which served the dual purpose of dissuading Vanelda from ever making proper friends or connections outside the family because it would put them in danger.
Aww, thank you for your kind words! I'm still really proud of this one.