Fortunate Misfortune

by OutOfTheBlue

Smells Like Teen Spirit

I have observed that most Infiltrators spend so much time acting the part of a pony and living among us that they tend to become so much like us rather than their own kind that they sometimes identify more as a pony than a changeling. This could explain why Infiltrators never personally return to the Hive. Rather, messengers carry correspondence to and from them.

—excerpt from Among the Shapeless by Wanderlust.

As “Mirror” was recovering from his illness in Redheart’s house, a certain dragon was preoccupied with other matters.

“SPIIIIIKE!”

Twilight checked through her saddlebags again as she awaited the requested dragon. With a skidding sound, Spike slid to a halt in front of her.

“Yeah?”

“The girls and I are going out to resume our picnic that got interrupted before the wedding. Can you clean up the library while I’m away?”

Spike threw a salute and puffed out his chest.

“You can count on me!”

She affectionately rubbed his head and said,

“I’m putting a lot of confidence in you. The library is complete closed to the public so don’t let anyone in. Also, you only have to clean the library and our room... only... just those two... no other rooms.”

Spike rolled his eyes and waved his claw dismissively.

“Sure thing, Twilight, I am your number one assistant after all.”

The purple unicorn smiled and waved goodbye as she trotted out the door with a cry of,

“I’ll see about bringing you back some sweets! Bye!”

Spike waved back.

“Bye, Twilight! Have fun.”

As soon as he had closed and locked the door, making sure the “closed” sign was in place, Spike whirled around and let out a whoop of excitement.

“Aw yeah baby! I got the whole place to myself!”

He hurriedly trotted into the kitchen and opened up the refrigerator. He guiltily checked over his shoulder before grabbing the whipped cream can. He froze, can in hand, and gulped.

“Well... Twilight technically never said I couldn’t have any... but... maybe I shouldn’t... oh who am I kidding! A chance like this comes once a lifetime!”

He popped the cap and sprayed the creamy topping directly into his waiting maw. He closed his mouth, cheeks bulging, and gulped it down. With a contented sigh he rummaged around in the pantry before finding a box of cookies. He was just opening it up when a small version of him with bird wings and a halo appeared on his shoulder.

“Whoa! What are—“

The thing spoke in a high, airy voice.

“Spike, you should start cleaning! You know you aren’t allowed to have sweets without permission. What would Twilight say!”

“But I—“

With a puff of black smoke a red version of him with bat wings and horns appeared on his other shoulder.

“Ah come off it! We bust our buns working for Twilight all day everyday. We’re entitled to a little splurging once in a while.”

The two voices bickered back and forth, Spike looking to and fro between them. Finally, he had had enough.

“QUIET!”

They disappeared with twin poofs of colored smoke. Spike sighed and put the cookies back.

“Maybe I’ll reward myself with a cookie after I clean. I mean, Twilight probably would if I did a super amazing job! So I’ll just have to clean more than she said! That’ll impress her!”

Spike nodded to himself and hopped to it. He swept and dusted, he mopped and vacuumed, and he even wiped the windows. Finally, he stood looking over the squeaky clean library and bedroom. He then turned his attention to the door that led to Twilight’s lab. He bit his lip as he thought of the mountains of glass bottles, beakers, and burners he’d need to clean if he entered.

“Well... I could always clean the basement!”

Spike wasn’t particularly fond of the basement of the library. Not that he was scared of it! It just... smelled funny, yeah, that was it! He brandished his broom like a spear and trotted down the stairs. He looked up at the large “Do Not Enter” sign on the door and sighed,

“Seriously? Were ponies actually poking around down here for books?! Sheesh, no privacy living in a library.”

He opened the door and flipped the switch. There was a flicker as the bulb that illuminated the dim room started warming up. He began to move stuff off the floor when he noticed the large iron cage in the corner of the room.

“Huh, that’s new.” Spike mumbled to himself.

If he squinted he could vaguely see a lump in the far corner of the cramped enclosure. Unsure what it was he slowly and cautiously crept forward to examine it. As he did his broom accidentally hit the cage with a ringing “CLANG!” Spike jolted... and so did the bundle in the corner. As Spike stood shaking, his feet rooted to the floor in his shock, two blue-green, luminous eyes wearily opened. They blinked before appearing to focus on him. Spike wanted to scream as the light came on completely and revealed the creature. There, in his basement, was a live changeling!

He stood, mouth agape, as the creature studied him warily. His brain was screaming at him to move but his legs decided they only wanted to tremble. All sorts of nasty images were shooting through his mind. He saw the changeling lunging at him, fangs ready to gobble him up. Or maybe it would pounce on him before using its weird changeling magic to become him so it could get revenge for its evil queen on Twilight! Or maybe it would drain him like it drained Shining Armor! But, something happened Spike didn’t expect. The changeling, after looking around, whispered in a peculiarly accented (and mature sounding) feminine voice.

“Hey, I ain’t never seen you round here before. Who exactly are you an’ what are you doin down here? You some kinda servant or somethin? ”

Spike just stood slack jawed. It was talking to him?! Why wasn’t it pouncing or biting or growling or hissing at least? That’s how the changelings at Canterlot had acted. Wait! It was trap! It was trying to trick him! Spike slowly, carefully began to shakily back away from the cage and its inhabitant. Seeing this the changeling hissed,

“Wait! I ain’t gon’ bite! I jus’ wanna talk!”

Spike gulped and shook his head. The changeling groaned and rubbed its... rather pudgy belly.

“C’mon, sugah! You gotta help me out! I’m starvin’!”

Spike’s eyes flicked to the bowl inside the cage that had the residue of oatmeal still inside it. The changeling followed his gaze and shook her head.

“No no no! Not that kinda food! I need love or I’mma kick the bucket. Please, I’m beggin ya!”

Spike licked his lips and croaked,

“I-I don’t trust you! You’re lying to me!”

The changeling groaned and grabbed the bars, getting as close as possible.

“I ain’t lyin’! Promise! Tell you what, let’s make a deal. In exchange for you giving me love, I’ll... I’ll... hol’ up, let me think.”

Spike turned and was about to run before the changeling started sniffing the air.

“Ooooooh, interesting. You gotta whole lotta love for a whole lotta ponies, but I can tell you like one pony in particular. Mmmhm, you got one hay of a crush.”

Spike froze, heat suffusing his cheeks as he spluttered,

“W-what?! N...noooooo.”

She laughed and winked.

“Oooooh man, that is rich! It’s a pony, right? I can tell. Dragon havin’ a crush on a pony, now that is something special!”

Spike flushed and started to get upset.

“Y-you don’t have to laugh at me! You’re just a—“

“Laugh at you? Sweetie, I am a changeling. Love is my bread and butta’... literally. I ain’t laughin’, I’m actually offerin’ to give you a little mare advice.... In exchange for some love of course.”

Spike scoffed,

“What would you know?”

“Baby I just so happen to be a mare. I think I know a bit more than you.”

Spike was still skeptical. He glanced down at the changeling’s ample stomach.

“I still think you’re trying to trick me. You’re obviously not hungry given—“

The changeling followed his eyes to her midriff and gasped,

“Uh-uh, I know you ain’t callin’ me fat!”

Spike gulped, suddenly embarrassed and... a little ashamed. The changeling scowled.

“I’ll have you know two things: one, neva-evah, fo’ no reason what-so-ever! Mention a mare’s weight! Second, I am NOT fat! I am a healthy weight! Errypony knows stallions like a mare what got a little pudge on they bones. It’s cuddly and natural lookin’! You ain’t fancyin’ no skin and bones mare right?”

Spike blushed a deeper shade of red. His thoughts drifted to Rarity, the mare he liked.

“Well... I mean... uhhh... I don’t....”

The changeling pursed her lips in an amused sort of way and said,

“Mmmmmmhm, you’re face says it all. Now, you want my help? Or do you want to sit around twiddlin’ yo thumbs till some slicker come in and steals yo mare?”

Spike gasped, the possibility of another pony wooing Rarity before he did had never occurred to him before. He rapidly shook his head and cried,

“No way! I’m going to marry her!”

He clasped his claws over his mouth and turned the shade of an apple. The changeling grinned, her fangs gleaming, and cooed,

“Daaaaaaw, that’s sweet! Now, we makin’ this deal or naw?”

Spike bit his lip and looked around as if Twilight was going to pop out of the walls at any second. He sighed,

“I guess there’s no harm in just talking to a changeling. I mean, you’re locked up so tight you could never escape.”

The changeling sighed,

“Yeah, ‘specially without no magic.”

She pointed to a ring that had been slid over her horn. Spike recognized it as a magic-suppression band Twilight had been examining.

“Oh... yeah. Apparently those things give ponies a nasty shock when they try to use magic with it on.”

The changeling nodded.

“Dang straight it was nasty! My horn was numb for a whole hour!”

Spike set his broom aside and sat on the floor. He looked the changeling in the eyes and bit his cheek as he contemplated. He eventually made a decision and said,

“Alright, give me your advice and I’ll... well, how do I give you love? It better not be something nasty or painful.”

She leaned her head closer to the gap between the bar and pointed to her cheek.

“Give me some sugah.”

Spike pulled a face.

“I said nothing nasty!”

“Boy you had better stop callin’ me nasty ‘fore I beat your scrawny behind!”

“Sorry! It’s just... does it have to be a kiss?”

“Honey that’s the most efficient way given our situation. Besides, it’s either there or on the lips, and I figured you wouldn’t want that cause I sure don’t.”

Spike groaned before nodding.

“Fine! Give me your advice.”

“Uh-uh, I don’t trust you! For all I know you’re gonna gnark on my to that crazy unicorn mare what locked me in here!”

Spike blurted out,

“Twilight isn’t crazy!”

The changeling pulled away and said,

“Wait, you’re sticking up for her! I thought you was a servant or something like that!”

Spike puffed out his chest and said,

“No, I’m her number one assistant!”

“Then you’re just as bad as she is! Nevermind, I don’t want your help!”

Spike narrowed his eyes.

“Twilight isn’t bad, unlike changelings that is.”

She scowled,

“Oh sure, join in hatin’ like errypony else. I thought that you might understand given you’re a dragon and all. Apparently I’m mistaken.”

“You invaded Canterlot and hurt a bunch if ponies!”

“I had to! The Queen forced us all to join her! It’s not like I wanted to! Besides, ponies have done some downright awful stuff to changelings years before this.”

Spike scoffed,

“Oh yeah? Like what.”

“Like forcing us to hide away from them. Like doin’ everything they can to keep us as far away from their precious land as possible. Like trapping us in a desert that is almost impossible to survive in. That enough for you?”

Spike looked down and said,

“You’re lying. No way Celestia would ever do that.”

“Honey, Celestia hates changelings more than most ponies. She and the Queen got bad blood running back generations. Whatever, this ain’t here or there. What I wanna know is what you’re gonna do. You gonna turn me in to this “Twilight” mare? Tell her I can talk and convince her to be more forceful with her questions?”

Spike thought about it and shook his head.

“I don’t think so. Wait, she doesn’t think you can talk?”

“Naw, she thinks all changelings ‘cept the Queen are mindless drones. I’m fine with her thinking that. Means she won’t do anything drastic.”

Spike was tempted to tell Twilight about this later, but he might as well get the mare advice first.

“I won’t tell her.”

“Promise?”

Spike flinched and looked into the changeling’s mistrustful eyes. He sat debating in his mind for a while. Did he tell Twilight and lose the advice on how to charm Rarity? Or did he not tell Twilight and leave her in the dark. Well... she was smart, she’d figure it out in no time! Why bother telling her!

Spike smiled and made his decision. He took the changeling’s outstretched hoof and said,

“Promise!”

“Good! Now lay one on me!”

She turned her cheek to him again and Spike said,

“Now! But I—“

“No kiss, no advice. Now pucker up and give me some love!”

Spike gulped before closing his eyes and shakily leaning towards her waiting cheek. What would this changeling feel like? Would her skin be all slimy and gross like a slug? Would she smell bad? Would she—

Before he could get more nervous his mouth had collided with her face. He froze in shock and the changeling reached through the bars and held his head in place.

“Good! Now just imagine you’re smoochin’ that mare you like.”

Spike gave a muffled complaint but was cut off.

“Up-up-up-up-up! No talking, just think about her. About her voice, her fur, her pretty eyes. She got pretty eyes?”

Yeah, the prettiest in the whole world.

“She got a stylish mane?”

It’s so pretty, how curly and shiny it is. I bet it’s super soft too.

“Gooooood. Now, how about her personality? What do you like about her?”

She’s so generous and kind to everypony she meets. I love to help her out and just be around her. Man, Rarity is the most beautifullest, most special mare in all of Equestria!

He hadn’t even realized the daydream he’d entered until he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“You can stop now, Sugah. Although I don’t mind if you don’t.”

Spike backed away with an embarassed blush.

“Sorry. I was thinking about—“

“You’re special somepony? Yeah that was the point. Now, I think I offered you some advice. Might as well make yourself comfortable.”

But Spike paused. He realized he hadn’t done something.

“Uh... what’s your name?”

“My name?”

“Yeah!”

“Why d’you wanna know?”

“Well... we’re kinda sorta friends now... in a weird way. I figured we should know eachother’s names. Mine’s Spike!”

The changeling though for a moment before shrugging.

“Alright, just keep it between you and me. Call my Spicy Jambalaya.”

Author's Note:

Extra long chapter for you! The story will now alternate between Mirror and Spike’s misadventures at various points. Enjoy!

Comments

[Captain Absolution]

Look it here, an new character, and Spike is already friends with her...
Love the chapter!~
Keep at it, I say!~

-Captain Absolution

[OutOfTheBlue]

8845873
Yay