The Seventh Story: "Hello"
The seventh story, written as an entry to Thirty Minute Pony Stories prompt #132, and one that occupies the oldest and most distant time in my personal fanon...
“Hello”
Written by The Descendant
The three draconiqui made their way down the hillside, their long sinuous bodies flowing freely amid the trees and rocks. At intervals they stopped and listened before moving forward once again. Music caught in their ears, and as the two larger ones looked to one another with arched eyebrows the smaller panned his head back and forth between them.
Flitting across the countryside they found the source of the music. Hiding high in a rocky crag the powerful incarnations looked more liked confused kittens than ancient and powerful forces of creation.
“Oh, wooonderful,” said the less proper looking one. He rolled his eyes and settled down behind a rock, summoning a beach chair with his magic as he did. “It’s these yahoos.”
“It is the earth mothers, Hydia and her daughters,” said the largest of the three. “Undoubtedly they answer the same heed that we do. We best stay here.”
The smallest one then cast his glance out across the distant road and upon the assemblage that traversed it. As the music lifted from the band he risked a few words.
“Are… are they dangerous?”
“No, Chance, dear boy,” chuckled the largest, “The earth mothers are just, well… talkative, perhaps, and well…”
“Boring,” answered the improper one. “Awfully, wholly, tediously boring.”
With that he looked at the distant road and its procession. Staring over the top of a pair of sunglasses he had produced the draconiquis clicked his fingers.
Down upon the road a musician suddenly tripped over a box of hamdingers that most certainly hadn’t been there a moment before. As the creature fell it grabbed for anything that could steady it… even the very skirts of his mistress.
As Reeka’s undergarments came into view the entire assemblage dissolved into chaos, much to the great pleasure of the draconiquis who had set off the chain of events.
“Discord!” hissed the largest of the three.
“Oh, come now, Law, it was only a bit of fun,” spoke the incarnation of anarchy as he studied the talons of his arm with an apathetic look across his features.
“Uncle,” spoke Chance as he watched the procession attempting to gather itself up, “was that truly necessary?”
The youngest draconiquis turned to face his supposed uncle. “No,” replied Discord with a harsh glare, one that faded into a smirk, “but it was as funny as spit, though…”
Both felt the deep rumble of Law’s judgment, and both turned to look to him. He had been about to say something, but at once his head shifted to the distance places beyond the hill.
“There are others making their way to the sacred mountain of the alicorns,” said Law, sniffing at the air. “Ones I should go meet.”
Once Law had departed Discord settled back deeper into his chair… namely by summoning a beach, a palm tree, and a coconut cup complete with straw and tiny umbrella. He watched with an irritated scowl as Chance gathered up some leaves in a swirl of magic. Employing the variables that gave him his name Chance flung the leaves out before him. As Discord watched his supposed nephew began to settle into the comfortable looking futon that they had made up as they fell.
With a snap of his fingers, Discord made sure that all that met his nephew’s posterior was a large vat of chocolate pudding.
“Damn you!” cried the youth as he stood. “You’re in a rare mood, Uncle. Not one for travel?”
Discord sighed and snapped his fingers once again. Chance found himself cleared of the pudding. Checking to make sure that his resting spot was entirely real he sat upon the ground and looked up to the dispassionate face of the other draconiquis.
“Oh,” answered Discord, “I actually enjoy going to far off places, meeting exciting new creatures, and causing the very fabric of their reality fall apart around them. It’s all very exciting, you know. The purpose of this trip, however, is just so tedious…”
“I would think that you would be happy for the alicorns,” said Chance, flipping a coin again and again, “since you helped build this land for them.”
At once Chance found his coin turned into a rotten tomato, one that splattered across him as he caught it between his paws. He began to sneer at his uncle once more, but instead blanched and looked away as he saw the snarl that developed across the face of the older draconiquis.
“Yes,” he answered after taking a long sip from his coconut and making a passing squirrel grow many times its natural size, “I helped make this land… but they made it boring.”
At was at Canterlot, the home of the alicorns, where the mare lay next to the crib. It was at Canterlot, that fabled house, where her husband had kissed her gently and then gone off to entertain their guests. His wife lay in the warm light, lying close to the object of the festivities of the day.
It was at Canterlot where one could see a steamboat chuffing up the waterfall, puff up the long stone channel to the dais, and then drop its anchor across the table where the cake stood with a resounding crash.
Discord, resplendent in his captain’s uniform, then turned the steamboat into a flock of penguins that flew away while singing dirty limericks. With that he crossed over to the dais itself as bubbles drifted from his pipe.
He found himself slightly amused that the mare had not awoken, and looking into the distance he saw no motion coming from where the celebrants still congratulated the stallion on the growth of his family.
Discord looked down into the crib.
“Hello,” he said to the tiny occupant, running the back of his paw across its forehead, just beneath the tiny nub of a horn.
“Hellllooo,” he repeated as it came awake, as it began to gurgle and coo. “You probably didn’t catch my name. It was, after all, so formal and stuffy and dreary in that receiving line…”
Discord turned himself into a pink fog, one that surrounded the crib and lifted the infant into the air. As he drifted in the afternoon light he reformed himself so that she lay in his arms.
“I am Discord, and I hate your Daddy,” he whispered, rocking her gently.
“I hate your Mommy too,” he said with a wide smile, giving the infant the smallest of tickles. As the alicorn gurgled and smiled back up at him he rocked her back and forth…
… and walked slowly towards the black waters of the channel.
“Oh,” he said as he stuck his tongue out at her and made funny faces, waited for her to begin cooing before reeling his tongue back in like a window shade, “I hate you too.”
With that he stepped into the deep, fast, current of the channel.
“Peekaboo! Peekaboo!” he said, covering his eyes. “Where’s Uncle Discord? Where’s Uncle Discord?”
The effect was only more pronounced when his head disappeared. As this only seemed to bring more cooing and gurgling from the infant he re-inflated his head at though it were a balloon and smiled down at her.
With that he scooped up some of the rushing waters and dribbled them across her forehead.
The infant tossed a bit as he ran his finger across her brow, wiping the wet across her. To his surprise her little hooves wrapped around his paw, pulled it closer so that she could suckle upon one of the fingers.
“It’s not a real hate. Not a personal one, that is,” he said, sitting on the wall of the channel. “It’s more a deep seated loathing of you and all that your kind stand for.”
“At first I was happy when your parents arrived here,” he said with a sigh, “it really shook things up… made all of us wonder what was going on. When this land appeared, when they called on all of us to help secure it to the world with that… thing…”
Discord gestured over his shoulder to the very heart of the mountain beyond.
“… it was utter chaos. Beautiful, lovely chaos.”
His happy expression fell away, and he stared back down at the tiny alicorn in his arms.
“But then I realized that your parents had plans. Ideas, practices… rules,” he growled. “I hate rules, order…”
The draconiquis looked over his shoulder towards the party beyond.
“… law.”
Discord curled his face in a huff. He looked down to see the tiny alicorn still suckling merrily on his finger.
“Do stop me if I’m going too fast for you.”
The infant gurgled.
With that he turned himself into a stroller. He continued his rather one-sided diatribe as he wobbled back towards the crib and sleeping mare on unsteady wheels.
A small sound arose from the infant, and with a chuckle he applied his own meaning.
“No, dear,” he said, “I’m not a fan in the least.”
He turned himself back into his chaotic, incarnate form, the infant in his arms. To his own surprise Discord realized that he was staring down across the still-sleeping form of the mare, the magnificent female alicorn.
“Perhaps I’m being unfair,” he said to the little creature, the one that reached up for his beard as he spoke close to her ear. As she gave it a small tug he laughed a small, rumbling laugh.
“Well, aren’t you just a little terror?” he said as he tickled her hoof, freeing his beard from her grasp.
“I suppose it’s only fair that I let them try it, see what they are up to,” he said, laying her back in the crib before finishing with a flourish, “it’s only reasonable. And what am I, if not a creature of logic and reason?”
Overhead the clouds turned into watermelons.
He lowered his head back into the crib.
“And, if I don’t like it, I shall simply have some fun with it later on.”
The infant gurgled and cooed at him once more.
“Unreasonable? I should think not!” he laughed. “Aren’t you the contradictory one? I see that you shall be but a thorn in my side! Have at you!”
With that he gave her one last little tickle. Nearby the mare shifted, and he stood upright in pointless embarrassment. He returned his attention to the infant, but to his surprise her smile faded and drowsiness crept over the eyes of the little alicorn.
“Hmmm, well, not much for sport, are we Celestia?”
With that he watched her fall asleep. Discord pondered the newborn for a few moments, watched her breath small breaths as thoughts deep and secret flit around in his ancient mind.
“Perhaps I am being too harsh on them,” he said as he backed quietly away, his paw and talon behind his back. “After all, to hate one so darling as you, one would simply have to be made out of stone.”
End.
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Nice little backstory for everyones favorite god of chaos.
1417565
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Red!
Just as good as I knew it would be, coming from you. This is one of my new favorites of these stories. This and "Apples to Apples."
1417569
You're making me blush!
I just want to go "Squee!" Seriously, baby Luna and Celestia give me happies dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
A very good pre-FIM story!
Well D'aaaaaaaaw. This might be my new favorite Fever Dream. I would love for you to expand on your ideas for Equestrian history and lore.
Oh my, new favorite of mine as well! That ending was just perfect.
Law and Chance are very interesting, this makes me really want to know what happened to them.
Very nice headcanon, would love to hear more about what happened to Chance and Law.
One thing, the beastie in question in spelled draconequus, as in draconian-equine.
1417609
Me too!
1418827
Thank you!
1419081
Oh, if only I had the time, Joe, if only I had the time!
And the knowledge that my carefully developed fanon wouldn't be dissolved and washed away with the next epsiode.
1419809
Heh, I guess that their fate is something worth exploring in other fics, eh?
1420182
Indeed, their fate may be something worth exploring!
Haven't read the other chapters, but I LOVE this one! My only complaint is your misspelling of "draconequus". Everything else (minus a couple of minor spelling mistakes) was perfect.
1427481
Oh, hey, don't be afraid to point out any errors that you seen in any of my stories. I can only improve with help. Glad you enjoyed it, Ninj.
Interesting. Not a fanon I subscribe to, but interesting.
1430802
We all have our visions of fanon, and it speaks volumes of you that you're open to all versions. Thanks for reading, as always.
1431024
In all honestly, I don't subscribe to any fanon that contradicts canon in any way. But if everything was kept 100% canonical, there would be far fewer interesting stories.
1431204
An interesting comment... do you consider anything of my fanon as having contradicted canon. The series' canon is essentially "sacred" to me as well, hence I've believed that I've set all of my background far, far, far in the past for just that purpose. I'm interested in seeing if you believe that in some ways I've contradicted the show.
1432816
A combination of lore from The Return of Harmony Part 2, Hearth's Warming, and A Canterlot Wedding Part 2 seems to show that Equestria, which includes Canterlot, did not exist during the pre-classical era, Discord did not rule until after Equestria was settled, and Alicorns were not around until Celestia and Luna arrived since unicorns controlled the sun and moon. Also, the Alicorn sisters had their own castle. If Canterlot was around at the time it would have been the Unicorn capital at best.
Much speculation is possible, after all the canon is pretty thin and borderline contradictory in places. Which is why I have no probelm disregarding it most of the time. As long as characterization integrity is maintained.
1433389
Rather than drag us down into a lengthy discussion that will go nowhere and end up accomplishing nothing I'm just going to say that I agree with your sentiment here entirely, and I hope you believe me when I restate that I don't believe I've written anything that can't be reconciled with canon as we've seen it so far.
Woooooooah.
Loved this one.
1443964
I'm so glad!
1448104
I love all of these stories.
Now that is quite an interesting idea for Discord's and Celestia's history. I really liked this one TD! Bravo!
1450925
Thanks, Redz!
1478901
Indeed, that's an important bit of my fanon!
1478919
Just something a little different!
I just love that highly ironic call forwards at the end.
1491752
Tell them you love them when you get the chance.
1491786
I'm glad it worked for ya'!
1491794
Heh, it turned out okay, huh?
1491845
Thanks!
1491855
That was my favorite part.
1509074
An interesting comparison!
Discord in a nutshell, ladies and gentlemen.
Great stuff thus far. I look forward to more dribs and drabs in and of your personal continuity.
1606054
Glad you're enjoying it! That's the best part about these... I can add a new story whenever I want without all the hassle.
Ah, irony. It makes me wonder what Discord thinks just after he gets turned to stone, and how Keep Calm And Flutter On fits in on this story. Say if the princesses turned Chance and Law in to stone, what would their poses be? Also, what are their color schemes, eyes and mane included?
I really like the idea of Discord hating them, not personally, but because of everything they stand for.
Typo here, right at the start.
It has been far too long since I read that story; I haven't a clue what is in the heart of the mountain anymore. And it is going to bug me all night.
As I already discussed with you in my userpage's comment section, I think it would be great to see this short expanded upon. Also, the interaction Discord has with Celestia is amazing.