"If You Give a Changeling a Cupcake"
Inspired by the works of Laura Numeroff
If you discover a changeling in your bakery as you open up for the day, you’re probably going to scream like a filly and chase it with a golf club.
If you scream like a filly and chase it with a golf club, you’ll probably wake Cup Cake.
If you wake Cup Cake, she’ll wonder what in the Well is going on.
She’ll probably come down the stairs to discover you standing on the counter with sweat pouring down your face as the changeling stares back at you with puppy-dog eyes. She’ll tell you to offer it a cupcake.
If you give a changeling a cupcake, it will devour it quickly in a very familiar way and begin smiling a broad, familiar smile.
If it devours the cupcake quickly and begins smiling a very broad, familiar smile it will begin bouncing around the room happily in a very, very, familiar fashion.
If the changeling begins bouncing around the room in a very, very familiar fashion, it will probably try to begin singing (or, as close as it can in its grainy voice) in a very, very, very familiar style as well.
You’ll probably lift your voice and call for Pinkie Pie.
As she wishes you, Cup Cake, Pumpkin Cake, and Pound Cake a good morning she’ll wish the changeling a good morning too, and it will recognize her and begin bouncing around with her happily.
If the changeling recognizes Pinkie and begins bouncing around with her happily you’ll definitely wonder what in the moonlit Well is going on!
If you wonder what in the moonlit Well is going on Pinkie will explain that she thinks that this is the same changeling from the wedding, the one that turned into her.
If Pinkie thinks that this is the same changeling that turned into her, then it seems that she “rubbed off on him”.
If she “rubbed off on him”, that means that there are now two Pinkie Pies in your bakery.
If there are (essentially) two Pinkie Pies in your bakery, you’ll have the sudden urge to spend time with your children and put your affairs in order before the inevitable explosions and fires.
If you want to spend time with your children, you’ll eventually have to change their diapers.
The changeling will want to be just as helpful as Pinkie, so he’ll want to learn how to change diapers too.
If he wants to learn how to change diapers, he’ll have to watch you do it.
If he watches you do it, he’ll get really grossed out by the way you use your mouth to put the dirty ones in the bin.
If he gets really grossed out by the way you use your mouth to put the dirty ones in the bin, Pinkie will take him into your bathroom to use your mouthwash.
If he uses your mouthwash, he’ll use all your mouthwash.
If he uses all of your mouthwash, he’ll feel really bad about it just like Pinkie would.
So, she’ll take him out into Ponyville to go shopping.
If Pinkie takes the changeling out into Ponyville, it won’t be long before ponies are screaming and running around in circles and flailing about hysterically.
If ponies are screaming and running around in circles and flailing about hysterically, Pinkie will begin to sing a song about how we shouldn’t judge others by their appearance or for being part of a specie that feeds on emotions and almost succeeded in entombing all of them in hideous life-sucking cocoons forever and stuff like that…
If Pinkie is singing a song (no matter the context), then others will join in too.
If everyone is singing and dancing, they’re gonna get tired and hungry.
If they get tired and hungry, they’re going to come to your bakery.
If they all come to your bakery, you’re gonna sell out!
If you sell out, then there’s nothing to be done but put the kids down for a nap and cuddle up with your wife Cup Cake.
If you cuddle up with your wife Cup Cake, the changeling will sense the love between you two.
He’ll probably appear at random, just like Pinkie can.
If he appears just like Pinkie can, it will be in your room where all the love is coming from.
He appears where all the love is coming from, it will kinda break the moment, huh?
If he breaks the moment, you’re probably gonna chase him around the bakery with a golf club.
If you chase him around the bakery with a golf club, he’ll eventually give you puppy-dog eyes and you’ll feel sorry.
To make it up to him, you’ll make him a cupcake.
If you give a changeling a cupcake…
End.
976417
Thank you very much for saying so!
976813
Indeed!
978391
Those both seem to be the most common reaction to this... odd... little piece.
978419
A proper sequel would then, I assume?
978462
Huh... I'll see what I can do!
979435
Well, I couldn't tack on some happiness without losing the emotion already present, so that's where it stayed. Glad it worked for you!
If you give a mouse a cookie....
Everything really IS better ponified.
Kinda reminds me of that song. "There's a hole in my bucket, dear Lie-za, dear Lie-za, there's a hole in my bucket dear Lie-za a hole..."
I am a fan of that particular changeling, it looked like it could have some fun with Pinkie. Especially if it joins in on the pranking...
979890 A proper sequel would definitely make me happy!
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png love it!
Heh, I don't know the original but this made me laugh.
979890
"A proper sequel"
I can't speak for others, but I'd love to see that.
If you give a changeling a cupcake, all Hell breaks loose.
979980
Indeed!
980010
Kinda has that cadence to it, huh?
980874
I can definitely see that happening!
980905
Heh, thanks!
981079
The original is a children's book, or a series of them...
1.bp.blogspot.com/-iAy1KLk2g34/T2oLr0Cm__I/AAAAAAAAASI/ey0TFMeoX0E/s1600/If+You+Give+A+Mouse+A+Cookie.jpg
... that are all highly addictive.
981426
Funny as all Hell to watch though!
Ahh so many childhood memories.. She was one of my favorite authors along with Theodore Geisel (Dr. Suess) and Jan Brett.
981688
These are getting better by the chapter!! Keep it up!!
-Floyd the Bolshevik Spy-
This one is my favorite
Somehow, I recognize the style of this chapter despite never having heard of the original books. Popcultural osmosis strikes again!
Anyway, great little stories.
982161
I read a lot of children's books, so this came across as a good medium to use.
982173
I'm glad!
982433
It was an odd little chapter, but I hope it illustrated the point about what Twi and Spike go through in their lives.
982998>>982726
Thanks for the grammar catch!
I'm glad that you were able to see where I was coming from. Thanks for reading!
"If there are (essentially) two Pinkie Pies in your bakery, you’ll have the sudden urge to spend time with your children and put your affairs in order before the inevitable explosions and fires."
What can I say? Just brilliant.
972940
Excellent choices sir.
I can't wait to read these.
988839
Heh, glad you liked that line!
989586
I'm looking forward to your thoughts!
The thought processes of a man entirely too used to shenanigans.
He was obviously the real fortune teller. Pinkie was just filling in that one time.
990216
+500 points for the use of the word "shenanigans"!
990642
I wouldn't rule anything out!
990673
Thank you so much!
Oh that was good.
Mr Cake is waaay to used to Pinkie if he has a "There's two Pinkies, set affairs in order" plan on the top of his head. Very nicely done!
994298
Thank you so much for saying so!
1000881
1001011
I can't begin to even imagine what that would be like for Twi... and I wrote this thing! That's certainly on the Cake's "disaster plan" list. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment!
Whimsically glorious, sir. Well played!
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I'm very glad that you're enjoying all of these little stories as well as the big works you've been reading. The Witches play an important part in my "personal fanon". They appear (more or less) in Heart of the Mountain and Variables as well. I'm glad that you sem to be enjoying the diversity of stories here! Thanks!
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John, forgive me for lumping all my responses to your comments together in one place. I'm glad that this little stack of stories has worked to your enjoyment! I hope that I'm showing off a little, letting my readers see that I'm a versatile writer as well. I hope that's coming through.
As always, thanks for all of the comments and replies. I see that you're up to your neck in summer reading God bles ya' for doing all of the pre-reding and editing!
980874
Seconded! I'm interested in learning something about Private Macintosh's army buddy, and I do find your romances to be quite delightful
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
This legitimately proves that you can write EVERYTHING well!
I absolutely loved these as a kid, thank you darling. Ciao
I remembur reading If You Give A Pig A Pancake when I was little. This made me laugh and brought those memories back at the same time. Thank you for writing this!
Did anyone else think that the changeling was Pinkie Pie and that Mrs. Cake knew and that's the reason why she said give the changeling a cupcake?
Really cute.
2417792 Yes.
That was a cute story. Brings up some old memories.
Ah, nostalgia.
That is a funny cycle of events!
It's been years since I read If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. This story was really funny.
If you give a Mouse a Cookie, a Cat a cupcake, a Moose a Muffin, an Elf hot cocoa, an a Changeling a Cupcake, and the you switch the order around in every way, what'll happen? Chaos from sugar, that's what'll happen.