"If You Give a Changeling a Cupcake"
Inspired by the works of Laura Numeroff
If you discover a changeling in your bakery as you open up for the day, you’re probably going to scream like a filly and chase it with a golf club.
If you scream like a filly and chase it with a golf club, you’ll probably wake Cup Cake.
If you wake Cup Cake, she’ll wonder what in the Well is going on.
She’ll probably come down the stairs to discover you standing on the counter with sweat pouring down your face as the changeling stares back at you with puppy-dog eyes. She’ll tell you to offer it a cupcake.
If you give a changeling a cupcake, it will devour it quickly in a very familiar way and begin smiling a broad, familiar smile.
If it devours the cupcake quickly and begins smiling a very broad, familiar smile it will begin bouncing around the room happily in a very, very, familiar fashion.
If the changeling begins bouncing around the room in a very, very familiar fashion, it will probably try to begin singing (or, as close as it can in its grainy voice) in a very, very, very familiar style as well.
You’ll probably lift your voice and call for Pinkie Pie.
As she wishes you, Cup Cake, Pumpkin Cake, and Pound Cake a good morning she’ll wish the changeling a good morning too, and it will recognize her and begin bouncing around with her happily.
If the changeling recognizes Pinkie and begins bouncing around with her happily you’ll definitely wonder what in the moonlit Well is going on!
If you wonder what in the moonlit Well is going on Pinkie will explain that she thinks that this is the same changeling from the wedding, the one that turned into her.
If Pinkie thinks that this is the same changeling that turned into her, then it seems that she “rubbed off on him”.
If she “rubbed off on him”, that means that there are now two Pinkie Pies in your bakery.
If there are (essentially) two Pinkie Pies in your bakery, you’ll have the sudden urge to spend time with your children and put your affairs in order before the inevitable explosions and fires.
If you want to spend time with your children, you’ll eventually have to change their diapers.
The changeling will want to be just as helpful as Pinkie, so he’ll want to learn how to change diapers too.
If he wants to learn how to change diapers, he’ll have to watch you do it.
If he watches you do it, he’ll get really grossed out by the way you use your mouth to put the dirty ones in the bin.
If he gets really grossed out by the way you use your mouth to put the dirty ones in the bin, Pinkie will take him into your bathroom to use your mouthwash.
If he uses your mouthwash, he’ll use all your mouthwash.
If he uses all of your mouthwash, he’ll feel really bad about it just like Pinkie would.
So, she’ll take him out into Ponyville to go shopping.
If Pinkie takes the changeling out into Ponyville, it won’t be long before ponies are screaming and running around in circles and flailing about hysterically.
If ponies are screaming and running around in circles and flailing about hysterically, Pinkie will begin to sing a song about how we shouldn’t judge others by their appearance or for being part of a specie that feeds on emotions and almost succeeded in entombing all of them in hideous life-sucking cocoons forever and stuff like that…
If Pinkie is singing a song (no matter the context), then others will join in too.
If everyone is singing and dancing, they’re gonna get tired and hungry.
If they get tired and hungry, they’re going to come to your bakery.
If they all come to your bakery, you’re gonna sell out!
If you sell out, then there’s nothing to be done but put the kids down for a nap and cuddle up with your wife Cup Cake.
If you cuddle up with your wife Cup Cake, the changeling will sense the love between you two.
He’ll probably appear at random, just like Pinkie can.
If he appears just like Pinkie can, it will be in your room where all the love is coming from.
He appears where all the love is coming from, it will kinda break the moment, huh?
If he breaks the moment, you’re probably gonna chase him around the bakery with a golf club.
If you chase him around the bakery with a golf club, he’ll eventually give you puppy-dog eyes and you’ll feel sorry.
To make it up to him, you’ll make him a cupcake.
If you give a changeling a cupcake…
End.