Dragon Ball TX

by MidnightTwister

Episode 2: A Long Walk In The Everfree

Ponyville Saga

Episode 2: A Long Walk In The Everfree

Sunlight peered through the tree leaves and onto a trail of sorts. Cloud walked along this trail whistling a tune to himself with a good sized stick resting on his shoulders and behind his neck, his arms hanging loosely over said stick.

“Geez, just how big is this forest?” Cloud asked to no one in particular. He had left home quite a while ago, and was still trying to leave the forest. “At least I finally got to the brighter part.” Cloud continued, looking to the sun shining through the leaves.

He happened up a stream in a small area lacking trees, allowing the sun to shine upon the ground with all it had. He hopped to a stepping stone, landing on it with one foot. Cloud hopped to the next, landing on the other foot this time. He hopped onto four other stones to cross the stream and reached the other side.

The other side of the stream was more or less the same as the side Cloud was previously on, only there were more trees, some of which were covered in strong vines and some of which were very tall, and manticore paw prints were covering a part of the ground and then going off in the direction towards the sun.

Cloud sighed in boredom, thinking this trek was pointless. He looked up at the trees, and then…

“Wait a second! I have an idea!” Cloud said excitedly.

Cloud ran to the tallest tree nearby and leapt to a branch. He climbed, and with his amazing speed, reached the top in a matter of seconds. He saw the position of the sun. Three hours or so had passed, but he wasn’t really interested in the sun.

Cloud still couldn’t see the edge of the forest, disappointing him a little, but not too much.

Cloud dropped to the ground and ran to a nearby tree. He grabbed a piece of vine with both hands, and in one swift pull, ripped a long strand of the vine out. He ran to another tree and ripped out some more vine, and then did so to a few other trees.

Cloud ran back to the tall tree. He placed the strands of vines in his mouth and climbed to the top. When he reached the top, he took the vines out of his mouth and fastened them tightly to the treetop.

Cloud leapt back down to the ground and walked to the other end of the vines lying on the ground. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together quickly before grabbing the vines. He began to tug, but to no effect.

“Grrr…!” Cloud growled as he pulled with all of his strength, pulling the treetop to bend it downwards slowly. “Come… on… you!!” Cloud growled, his face taking on a slight red tint. He pulled even harder, but yielded little result.

Eventually, the tree won out the struggle, yanking the vines out of Cloud’s hands. Cloud panted as his face returned to its natural color. Cloud eyed the now straightened tree with determination.

It. Was. On.

Cloud grabbed the vines yet again and yanked, bending the treetop towards him slightly. He pulled once again with all his might, bending the treetop down towards him. This time the treetop was pulled even further than before, making Cloud smirk. But then Cloud became serious just like a moment ago and he pulled even harder. However the tree began to pull in the opposite direction again to straighten out.

“Not… this… TIME!” Cloud yelled. He pulled harder and the tree bent towards him even further. Cloud wasn’t going to lose this time! He just needed one more good tug!

“RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!” Cloud screamed. His muscles bulged and he gave one powerful yank. The tree bent down to the ground, just as planned! Cloud quickly tied the vines around a nearby tree stump.

“Tada! Now I have a catapult!” Cloud cheered, his hands placed on his waist proudly. “Now I just need something to cut the vines…” Cloud said, scratching his temple.

Cloud sat down with his legs crossed and examined the vines.

“It’s kinda thick. I don’t think I could chuck a sharp lookin rock at it to slice it… I don’t even know where to get a sharp rock…” Cloud thought, plucking the vines. He placed his fingers on his chin in deep thought, tilting his head to the side. “Darn, if only I had someone to slice it for me!” Cloud said, crossing his arms in irritation. He sure was in a pickle alright.

Cloud sighed and looked around him for an answer. He looked at the manticore paw prints and an idea came to him.

“I got it!” Cloud exclaimed, snapping his fingers. Cloud got to his feet and ran from his makeshift catapult and in the direction of the paw prints. “I just need to lead the manticore here and have him cut the vines!” Cloud said with a smile on his face.

Cloud neared the entrance to a cave and stopped in his tracks. He walked in and looked around before quickly spotting a sleeping manticore. “Yes!” Cloud exclaimed. He tiptoed to the sleeping beast and when he neared…

“WAKEY WAKEY!” Cloud yelled into the manticore’s ear. The manticore quickly got to its feet and into a defensive stance. It roared loudly in Cloud’s face and clawed at him. Cloud quickly jumped backwards three meters. The manticore roared again.

“Come and get it!” Cloud taunted, turning around to moon the beast. The manticore responded by charging at Cloud, and the Saiyan quickly ran away out of the cave with the manticore in pursuit. “You’re gonna have to run faster if ya wanna catch me!” Cloud said, looking behind him for a second.

Cloud reached the site with the bent tree and stopped in front of the vine. He turned around to see the manticore a good 15 or 20 feet away. He waited, and with each passing second, the manticore closed the gap. Cloud only had one shot to get this right. The manticore’s muscles tensed in one leg in preparation for a powerful swing. After a few more seconds, the manticore was within three feet of Cloud. It raised its right paw into the air and swung.

“Now!” Cloud exclaimed as the massive clawed paws came for him. He leapt towards the tree top and the manticore’s claws sliced effortlessly through the vines. The tree snapped back and Cloud just barely made it in time to grab onto the tree top. The manticore could only stand in awe.

The tree threw Cloud, the young Saiyan soaring through the air at great speeds with a big grin on his face.

“WOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!” Cloud yelled as he flew. Trees passed by underneath him as a big blur, making it seem as though he was travelling miles in mere seconds.

Cloud looked down with a big smile on his face to see the trees far below passing underneath him. “Heehee, now I know why birds always fly! This is fun!” Cloud said as he looked forward. Then something caught his eye.

“Wait…” Cloud said, squinting his eyes. He saw something in the distance. “What is that?”

Cloud saw strange shapes in the distance. Then he noticed the edge of the forest.

“Is… that…” Cloud said as he stopped squinting. “Is that a town?!” Cloud exclaimed in excitement. His smile grew even larger!

“I was right! There is a town outside of the forest!” Cloud said in excitement. Then his focus on this moment of excitement snapped as he realized he was descending. In that moment, Cloud realized something.

“… How am I gonna land?” Cloud asked himself, crossing his legs as if he was sitting on the ground and placing his fingers to his chin.

Cloud descended further and further until…

*BAM!*

Cloud slammed into a tree really hard, and headfirst too. He slid down slowly until he hit the ground. The Saiyan boy slowly stood up on his two feet, wobbling back and forth after doing so. He tried to find his balance as he wobbled, but the world was way too topsy-turvy, and thus he fell on his posterior.

“Geez! What did I even hit?!” Cloud asked no one in particular. He looked up to see the obstacle which denied him a potentially softer landing - a tree. He hit it hard enough to leave a good dent in it too.

Cloud stood up yet again, this time without falling, and now he had another question.

“How far away am I from that town now?” Cloud asked. He looked up at the tree and hopped to the nearest branch. From there, he climbed all the way up to the top and was surprised to see that he was only an hour’s walk from the town, if that. Cloud yet again had a smile on his face.

He hopped down and started his trek. He was so happy now, he began singing a song, the first one that came to mind.

“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream! Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream~!” Cloud sang as he went on his merry way through the Everfree Forest before his bottomless pit of a stomach growled. It growled a second time, much louder than the first, and Cloud grabbed at his stomach in discomfort.

“Heeheehee, okay, okay!” Cloud pleaded with a chuckle. “We’ll stop to eat!” Cloud said. He reached for his back to get his backpack but felt nothing. He looked behind him to see if he had his backpack on, only to see it wasn’t there.

“Huh, must’ve forgotten to get it before I left…” Cloud said, thinking back to earlier to recall leaving in a hurry. He then looked at the path behind him. “And now it’s reeeeaaaally far away…”

While Cloud was still in thought, a pair of vicious eyes glared at him. These eyes belonged to an enormous creature resembling a lion, but with the wings of a bat and the tail of a scorpion. It growled, and then it roared.

Cloud turned to see the hungry Manticore and smiled. “Hiya! What’s your name?” Cloud said, walking towards the beast and extending a hand for a handshake.

The Manticore was confused at this action, but quickly roared in Cloud’s face, blowing back his tall and spiky black hair. After the Manticore stopped roaring, Cloud fixed the positioning of his two bangs so they’d form an upside down ‘V’. Then he spoke in a calm manner.

“Your breath is stinky.” Cloud said.

The Manticore, now furious, took its right paw and swung it, aiming it at Cloud’s face. Cloud easily dodged the attack. In response, the Manticore swung its other paw, but this one was dodged as well.

The Manticore roared, its patience wearing thin, and brought both paws above its head, planning to bring them down on Cloud and crush him. In an instant, its paws came down on Cloud like a hammer.

“…” Cloud was silent as the Manticore’s iron paws rested on his head. “… Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this mornin’.” Cloud said, putting both his hands on the back of his head as his tail relaxed.

The Manticore retracted its paws and roared once more before flexing its scorpion tail. Its tail came for Cloud, but the boy grabbed it by the tip and stopped it. The Manticore looked on in shock and tried to pull its tail back, but couldn’t. “So, are ya’ good now?” Cloud asked, letting the Manticore’s tail go. The Manticore nodded quickly, turned around, and then ran away.

“’Kay, bye!” Cloud said. He went to wipe some green liquid off of his hand before taking notice of a small cut. “Hey, look! I got… a… lit… tle… cut…” Cloud began before feeling very lightheaded and tired. His arms hung loosely, he wobbled back and forth, and his eyelids became heavy.

*KATHUNK!*

Cloud fell on his side unconscious due to the Manticore’s poison entering his veins, unaware of the pairs of very, very hungry eyes falling on him…

~ Nearby ~

“We should help him!” Apple Bloom said in urgency.

“But those monsters are big!” Sweetie Belle said.

“Come on girls! Let’s do this!” Scootaloo exclaimed.

“Alright! CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS: HEROES! GO!”

---

Cloud’s passed out from a manticore’s poison and now it looks like he’s just been added to the menu, and some very hungry beasts all want a piece of him! Will he get himself out of this sticky situation? Will he be saved by these three youngsters? Or will he meet an unfortunate end?! Find out next time on DRAGON BALL TX!!

Author's Note:

I was gonna write this episode a while ago, but school was being a pain. But never fear! To make up for it, I posted two episodes on the same day! Yay!!

That aside, I promise that it won't take as long for the next episode, which I hope to post no later than monday. Now, have a good day everypony, see you soon!

Comments

[Wacky]

Me again. Gonna point out a few criticisms and will try to make them constructive.

“Geez, just how big is this forest?” Cloud asked to no one in particular. He had left home quite a while ago, and was still trying to leave the forest. “At least I finally got to the brighter part.” Cloud continued, looking to the sun shining through the leaves.

Using Cloud's name a lot in this chapter. We know who he is, as he's the only character until the manticore shows up.

Try and mix up some synonyms in it. Like "Saiyan Boy", "Young Saiyan", "the Kid", or the like. You also don't have to use a noun all the time, especially when he talks. There's no one else there so your readers won't get confused leaving anything off at the end of sentence.

The other side of the stream was more or less the same as the side Cloud was previously on, only there were more trees, some of which were covered in strong vines and some of which were very tall, and manticore paw prints were covering a part of the ground and then going off in the direction towards the sun.

You should leave out the bit about the manticore paw prints and where they were heading off it. The direction is completely irrelivent as long as the animal isn't present or going to a place that's established; i.e. "towards Ponyville" or "off to Zecora's hutt". This helps to stream line the work and the reader won't feel like they're trudging threw anything to get to the good bits.

Second, you don't need to say they're manticore prints at all; best to just say "animal tracks" or the like. The viewer hasn't seen the animal yet and this will give the work surprise. Use the unknown to build suspense for those moments of excitement you want. Having your audience discover it's a manticore is much, more fun for them.

“Tada! Now I have a catapult!” Cloud cheered, his hands placed on his waist proudly.

Cloud's an uneducated kid that's been living alone for a long time. He shouldn't know what a catapult is. Having him call it, "A 'me-thrower'!" or the like helps reaffirm this and cements your story.

Cloud turned to see the hungry Manticore and smiled. “Hiya! What’s your name?” Cloud said, walking towards the beast and extending a hand for a handshake.

Mixed reactions to this; Cloud's only encountered talking animals (to him) once, and that was recently. Rather than casually thinking that a manticore can talk he should be more incline to ask if it could. Pointing at it seems logical (from his stand point) and the animal can swipe at him just the same.

This isn't a bad story, just feels rough around the edges. It think you can make it work and have a great tale to tell.

[Thule]

Ahhhh.....
He should've used the same way of travel as Mercenary/General Tao.
static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11115/111150906/3817915-1960956359-God%2Bd.gif

[MidnightTwister]

8470192 Darn it! Missed opportunity!

[MJ]

Ugh, he's fucking weak!