Chapter 18: Tick Tock.
The first four weeks in Equestria felt like forever. The next two? They passed by before I’d even registered it. And in that two weeks? I finished recovering from my magical exhaustion, and I got to go on a second date with Fluttershy, watching The Empire Strikes Back, and watching her priceless reaction to the infamous “Vader Reveal”. The poor thing squeaked out in terror as Vader loomed over Luke, with the young jedi clutching his severed hand uselessly. When Luke and Vader started to angrily converse about old Ben, she practically yelled at Vader that he was a liar and a bully. And when the moment came? She went rigid, stared right at the screen without moving, mouth wide open like fish out of water. Priceless.
Other than that, the past two weeks were just… work. Work at the farm. And the boutique. Then come home. Check the mail. Check up on Twilight to see if any progress had been made with the “getting me home” problem. Eat dinner. Lather, rinse, repeat. Absolutely nothing of any import has changed since my arrival. Twilight and Thorax know only superficial things about the exploration team who studied the portal, the other Changelings are still waiting to be officially revealed to the world, and nopony can even guess just how bad things on Earth are becoming with Chrysalis on the loose. And here I am, sitting in a bathtub and writing in my diary like a teenage girl.
I’m starting to feel useless again, whenever I’m alone like this. Even with work, and helping around the cottage, I still feel like I’m just sitting around doing nothing. Even my lessons can’t distract me.
I really need a project or something, just to work on. That might help.
********************
Allan sat in the living room, phone balanced on his knee. His mum was cooking dinner, a tomato soup that smelled simply divine, thanks to the inclusion of basil and parsley. Kate sat on the other end of the couch that they were both occupying, and both were ignoring the large blue equine with a long, flowing mane that resembled the night sky, who stood not far away.
Luna watched the memory with both interest, and remorse. Allan frequently dreamed of earth, so much so that it was rare for her to see anything of Equestria, other than Fluttershy, in those dreams. Alan's dream self looked through Luna to his sister, then, out of nowhere, launched himself into a hug. Judging by how much smaller he looked from most of his dreams, Luna concluded that she was seeing a memory from his late foalhood.
“Attack hug!” Allan cried, knocking Katie off of the sofa, and onto a conveniently placed bean bag that cushioned her fall.
“Hey, squirt, come on! You’ll damage your phone!” Katie protested, though, her laughter made it apparent how little that actually mattered to her. “What’s the hug for, anyway?”
“Hugs are nice!” Allan chirped happily. “And I haven’t given you one recently!”
Perhaps this was a much younger memory than Luna had initially thought.
“Aww, thanks kiddo! Tell you what, why don’t we go give mummy and daddy hugs too?”
Allan nodded his head enthusiastically, and the two jumped up, before racing off to find their father.
Luna chuckled. “So sweet….”
The dream slowly faded, and Luna turned to walk away, until a voice called out.
“Chryssi! Time to come inside!”
Luna froze, turning around to gaze at the scene in front of her.
It was a city, one with soaring spires and beautiful colours, reds and yellows and blues and pinks….but the most bizarre thing was the ponies. They all had wings. And horns. Each and every pony, large, small, young and old, were Alicorns.
Luna and Celestia had lived for over a thousand years, and never had they seen anything like this place. The local architecture reminded the Night Princess of Canterlot, with it’s high towers and domed roofs. It was like walking into heaven, only, this was a memory, she could sense it.
Her powers over dreams could always tell the difference between a dream and a memory, and this was most certainly a memory. Not Allan's though, surely. If the name that was called was any indication…..
“Chryssi!” The voice called again, and Luna turned to it’s source, spotting an Alicorn mare, about her own age, with a stormy grey coat and a purple mane and tail. “Come on now, silly little bug. Come back to momma!”
Luna bit her tongue, not wanting to interrupt the dream sequence by speaking aloud. She prepared herself to see the Changeling she knew, but instead….
A young filly, no more than a few years old, scampered out from between a group of adults, who chuckled at her excitement, before sliding to a stop before her mother. Like the older mare, the filly had a deep grey coat, but instead of a purple mane, wore a messy mop of green hair and a matching tail.
“Here I am mommy!” It sounded like her. Much younger, and missing the rage and anger that Luna had borne witness to at the changeling hive, but still her. “I heard you calling, so I ran as fast as I could!”
“Yes sweetie, I saw you running! You were wonderful! But now it’s time for lunch, okay?”
“Aww, but me and Bronzie were gonna go play in the park….”
“You can go later, but you shouldn’t miss lunch, little bug. It’ll make you all weak and you’ll feel bad.”
“Okay Mommy!”
“Good girl.”
An immense feeling of sadness and regret threatened to crush Luna, but it wasn’t her own. It came from somewhere distant, far removed from this dream. She could sense Allan's presence, watching the dream unfold , completely unaware he was dreaming, as most were when they dreamed. But that other presence, the source of the sadness and regret that felt so very familiar…
The dream suddenly froze, and Luna realized that the little filly was staring at her, eyes seething, and her young face contorted into a snarl. Before Luna could even question what was happening, the fillies visage twisted, and she grew enormous, wreathed in green flames. Luna stepped back, aghast, and she could feel Allan's mind do the same.
“GET OUT!!” Chrysalis screamed, and Luna found herself flying backwards, smashing through the boundaries of the dream, as it ripped itself apart. The door through which she would normally enter Allan's mind shattered, as he was abruptly awoken by the shock.
Luna stood, eyes wide, and heart hammering. What…. What had just happened?
Surely the rumored connection between Allan and Queen Chrysalis was not that strong!
Could Allan be controlled by her? No… she had only felt Chrysalis for a moment, and the Queen had really not done much, merely shocked both Allan and Luna out of the dream. It was most likely the collapse of the dream that had catapulted Luna out of it. After all, she was technically as much of an invader as Chrysalis. That still left a few unanswered questions.
What was that city? Where was it? Did it even still exist, and if not, then what happened to it?
*****************************
Allan jerked awake. The afterimage of Chrysalis screaming at him to leave burned into the inside of his eyelids. His head was pounding, and he felt nauseous. The actual dream was long gone. He couldn’t remember what he had been dreaming about, but he knew it was about Chrysalis.
The water of his bath was only lukewarm now, with all the suds long gone. His journal was carefully placed on a shelf nearby, where he’d put it before settling down to relax.
Counting himself lucky that he hadn’t drowned, Allan breathed out a sigh of relief. In the still soothing water, he could relax, but he didn’t intend on sleeping again. Not after that.
Try though he might, Allan was too highly strung after the end of his dream to relax, so instead, he climbed out of the bath, using his magic to grab a towel off of the rail. The tub had a showerhead as well as a faucet, but Allan had always preferred baths to showers, hence why he had been relaxing in the water.
Thankful that his magic made draining the water easier, Allan pulled the plug, and started to dry himself off. Rigorously rubbing his hard, chitin shell, Allan buffed himself to a reasonable shine. He’d stirred up certain...parts, which wasn’t very comfortable. The air was a little nippy.
It took him a little while, but soon, he was finished. He jumped deftly out of the water, making only a slight splash, and landed solidly on the bath mat placed down beside the tub. He shook himself off, though he didn’t need it. He trotted over to the mirror, staring at himself. This body felt comfortable, familiar.
Whenever he was spending time in his “natural” form, he always felt safe, like this was how he was supposed to be.
He shifted, taking on his usual pony guise, the brown coated, blue maned earth pony. This...felt constricting. His wings were hidden by the transformation, unusable, and his horn was gone too. It didn’t feel right.
Grimacing, he conjured up an image of his human self, and changed. He stared into those familiar eyes, at the shaggy faux-hawk, and the slight beard. It felt wrong. Just like the earth pony form, his missing wings and horn felt like he was being squeezed into someone else’s body.
Sighing, Allan allowed the transformation to revert, and stared at the insectoid creature before him. Comfortable. Safe. Familiar. His senses said these things, while his mind told him something else. This wasn’t him. Shouldn’t be him…….but it was. That was the point. He couldn’t deny the truth. This was what he was now, and he couldn’t change it. Even shifting couldn’t relieve that feeling.
He turned away, unable to continue pondering on the subject. It was time for work anyway.
*************************
Rarity clucked her tongue as she regarded the ensemble Allan was modeling for her. He was currently standing in as Twilight, for whom Rarity was preparing a dress, for the upcoming reveal event. She was so busy focusing on the adjustments she was making to the dress that she nearly failed to notice a bizarre look of surprise, curiosity, and deep thought.
“Allan?” She asked, removing some pins from her mouth so that she could speak more freely.“Allan, darling? What is it?”
“Huh? Oh, nothing really.”
“Oh please, you know I won’t be satisfied with an answer like that.” She said, carefully moving the dress’ hemline slightly. Sticking in a pin to hold it in place, she leveled her best “tell me, or else face” at Allan, before he relented.
“It’s just...when I shapeshift, it usually feels wrong, like I’m compressing myself. As Twilight though….” He paused, thinking of the best terms to use. “It feels far less restricting. I think it’s the fact she’s an Alicorn.”
“Would that have anything to do with her having wings and a horn, just like you?”
Allan nodded. “It doesn’t feel quite so…well, bad.”
“I can see why that might be.” Rarity nodded, still making minute corrections. “As a magical creature harnessing multiple sources of magic, you wouldn’t have any way to properly channel those abilities in….say, an earth pony form.”
“Wow. Never took you for a scientist. I thought that was Twilight’s schtick.” Allan teased with a grin.
“Oh hush.” Rarity chided, jabbing Allan with a needle. “All unicorns are required to learn about basic magical theory.” She paused, stepping back to eye her work, before nodding, putting aside the remaining pins, and bringing out a needle and thread. “Besides, hanging around Twilight means you pick up a thing or two.”
Allan nodded, sagely. “Yeah, just look at me. A month ago, I didn’t even know what magic was like. Now, I can levitate things, make my horn glow, and heat things up or cool them down! She’s a pretty good teacher.”
“Hard to believe that she’s the same awkward student I met during the Summer Sun celebration. She’s really changed a great deal.”
“Social butterflies. You just can’t live with them, can you?” Allan laughed.
“No, I suppose not.” Rarity agreed, making the adjustments she’d made with the pins permanent, her needle and thread gracefully binding the fabrics together. “Though you can’t live without them either.”
Allan decided that he should change the subject. “So….be honest, as Ponyville’s gossip queen….how’s everypony taking to having a changeling living among them?”
Rarity paused, looking up at him with uncertain blue eyes. “Well….”
“Honesty, Rares.” Allan reminded her.
She sighed, working her needle through a thicker patch of fabric. “For the most part, ponies are just curious. But….there are a few members of the community that are….concerned.”
“For their foals?” Allan asked, recalling the stares he’d gotten on his way here. He’d seen mares pull their children away from him, scowling.
“Yes. There are few mothers who are concerned for their foals safety.”
Allan grimaced. Never doubt the effect a group of concerned mothers can have. Legal citizen and friend to several important figures he may be, but a for a concerned mother there was no defense great enough for their foals.
“Not to worry, darling.” Rarity put a reassuring hoof on Alan's withers. “The reveal ceremony will solve several of your problems. Ah- done!” The fashion mare beamed at her finished product, before quickly slipping it off of her live model, and onto a pony-quine. “And you’ll have lots of others who you’ll be able to relate to, not to mention friends to support you.”
Yeah, that was comforting. “Thanks Rarity.”
“Think nothing of it, darling. Here you go!” She deposited Allans earnings into his saddlebags, which rested by the door. “See you again...say, the day after tomorrow?”
“Sure!” Allan said, brightly. He nodded to her, and trotted outside, with Rarity waving him off from the front door. The sun shone overhead, the celestial body seeming to sing with energy as it moved lazily across the sky. Allan found it amusing that it could move mostly unsupervised during the day, but that Celestia absolutely had to be there to make it rise and set. Surely, with her strength, she could set the sky’s into constant motion like back on earth, and save herself the trouble of having to raise and lower the huge ball of gas every day.
Allan was on his way past the market when he overheard a conversation pertaining to him. He stopped, listening to the voices intently.
“How do you even stand him? He’s a changeling, a known enemy of Equestria!” Really? Even after a public announcement of his citizenship by Twilight, ponies were calling him an enemy of Equestria? Please! If he wanted to hurt the ponies of Equestria, he could do it by simply borrowing a few faces and spreading lies and rumors. Not that he would, of course, but it sounded like something Chrysalis would have done when she was still the hive’s Queen.
“Now, look here, y’all. I know a good pony or changeling from a bad one, and he ain’t one o’ the bad ones.” Thank you Applejack, for defending him. It was greatly appreciated. “Besides, I didn’t trust him at first either, but I still gave him a chance. Least y’all can do is the same.” Okay….still thank you.
“But what if he brainwashed you?!”
“Now y’all are just bein’ plain ridiculous. He couldn’t try brainwashing any of us! He barely knows magic at all!”
“But what if-”
“Now, that’s enough, y’all. All ya gonna do is work yourself into a tizzy. Trust me. Allan ain’t a bad guy. Now git on home.”
There were some murmured complaints, but the ponies in question, a flowery looking trio, walked off.
Allan smiled. Even if other ponies shunned him or didn’t trust him, there were always going to be a group of ponies in his corner. He turned tail and trotted off, before deciding to pay Bon Bon a visit. He was in the mood for candy.
*********************
Trotting through town while sucking on some love candy definitely improved his mood, but before long, Allan spotted something new.
Walking through town, manes bedraggled, tails and coats unkempt, were an Alicorn, and a Unicorn, mare and stallion respectively. They were pushing a baby stroller in front of them. The unicorn stallion, with a deep blue mane and similarly white coat to Rarity, was chuckling a little. “Twily’s gonna be so surprised to see us! I can’t wait to see the look on her face!”
“She’ll be more than happy to see little Flurry again, Shining.” The Alicorn said, her three toned mane and candy pink coat making her a very, clearly feminine creature. Being behind them, Allan couldn’t see their eyes or faces, which annoyed the changeling in him. “You know how much she adores her niece!”
Neice? They were related? Well…. Would that make the Alicorn Twilight’s sister? Actually, seeing as Twilight was born a unicorn, it was more likely that the unicorn, Shining, was her brother.
Huh….these two looked familiar, but he couldn’t quite place them. Maybe if he saw their faces?
“I always wonder why the castle had to be crystal.” Shining pondered. “It just...doesn’t fit in here.”
Alan's thought’s exactly. Sure, it was memorable, but it was awfully unsuited to be in Ponyville.
The two made their way over to the castle, stopping just before the huge doors in order to wake up the little one in the stroller. Allan stayed out of sight, not wanting to intrude. A few moments later, the doors swung open, and the two were soon inside.
“Okay. I’m not intruding on private times.” Allan chided himself. “I’m mostly ignorant to pony customs, but I’m not rude.”
He turned aside, leaving Twilight to whatever flurry of emotions would come of this family visit.
**********************
He re-entered the cottage some time after he had left that morning, and instantly felt irritation hanging in the air. Eyebrow raised, he trotted through into the living room, only to find that not only was one irritable Rainbow Dash visiting, but so was a stallion that Allan had only seen in photographs.
He was a sea green colour, with a blond mane done up in a bizarre bun. His muzzle was both angular and square, and he was perched next to Rainbow, balanced atop the armrest of the chair the prismatic mare was sitting on, reading.
“So, then, the realtor just tells me: Zephyr, you’re a free spirit, and this place is too confining for somepony like you. You need to spread your wings and fly.”
“It was too expensive, wasn’t it?” Rainbow asked, snidely, not even looking up from her book.
Allan was about to back out of the room when his presence was announced by the devilish little Angel, who bounded up from behind him and gave him a surprisingly heavy shove.
Ever been given a surprise shove? Even as an equine, whose balance is far greater than any human’s, Allan still felt gravity act upon him, tugging him forward as his legs tried to catch up with the sensations his brain were giving him. The floor started to rise up to meet him, but a thought flashed through Alan's mind, prompting him to shift into the first pegasus he could think of, which was followed by the familiar feeling of changeling fire rushed over him, and he spread his pegasi wings out to catch the air, keeping him upright for precious seconds longer, while his hooves met the floor.
“Whew….” Allan breathed out a sigh of relief, only to realise he was being stared at. “What?”
The sea green colored stallion looked to Fluttershy in confusion. “Sis? Why are there two of you?”
Two of….. ? Allan looked himself over with a groan. Same pale yellow coat, same pink bangs, excetera, excetera. Crap.
“Sorry.” He said, ears lowering apologetically. “That was a total accident.” His ears went from splayed out to flat, and he glowered at the little white rabbit who was tittering by the door. “Wasn’t it, Angel?”
The bunny only laughed harder, earning a vicious glare from Allan. “Allan?!” Fluttershy’s voice interrupted his death glare, and he gave her a flustered grin. “What are you doing home?”
“Allan? Home?” The stallion asked. “Who even is this?”
Allan transformed back, then watched with some mild amusement as the stallion yelped in surprise and fell backwards off of the armrest he was sitting on, landing squarely in Rainbow lap. “Hey, Rainbows. Sorry for dropping in.” The guy laid the charm on thick, while Rainbow look of absolute disinterest brought snickers up from Alan's chest. Rainbow raised one hoof, and very slowly and deliberately, shoved him off of her. The stallion landed in a heap, pout on his muzzle, until
his eyes fixed on Allan.
“Whoa, what the hay are you?”
“Zephyr Breeze, be nice.” Flutters chastised. “This is Allan. He’s staying as my guest at the moment.”
“Your guest?” Zephyr asked. “What for? Isn’t the Ponyville housing market booming right now?”
Fluttershy raised an eyebrow.
“Okay, I’ll be nice. And not joke. Or talk.”
“I never said you couldn’t talk.” Fluttershy explained. “Just to be nicer.”
“Yeah, well….you got me there, but you only answered one of my questions. What is he?”
“I’m a changeling.” Allan said, going monotone. The amount of times he’d had to explain what he was was annoying him. Tremendously.
Zephyr went pale, before zipping over to Fluttershy, picking her up and hissing in her face.
“You’re letting a Changeling live here? Are you crazy sis?”
“Yes. I am.” Fluttershy responded gaily. “He’s sweet, and gentle, and clean, and he doesn’t rearrange my furniture without permission.” The last two examples were said rather pointedly, though she sounded far too happy to properly pull it off effectively.
“But he’s a changeling!”
“Yes, and?” Fluttershy asked, freeing herself from his grip and dropping to the floor. “He’s not evil, or violent. He loves animals, though maybe not Angel...and he’s very polite. What reason would I have to kick him out?”
“But, you- I-”
“Zeph.” The word was short, and with finality. “Enough. You’re being rude.”
Allan decided that enough was enough with the slurs, and butted in.
“So, you’re….Fluttershy’s brother?” Allan inquired. Fluttershy hadn’t talked much about their family in the time he’d known her, so he had to make do with brief mentions, and extrapolation from the evidence around the house.
“Yes, I am. Fluttershy told you about me?”
“Enough for me to figure out that’s who you are.” Allan answered glibly. He found Zeph's ego to be a touch of annoyance. Something about Zephyr was rubbing him the wrong way, and he was feeling like being cheeky.
“And you and my sister are…”
Both Allan and Fluttershy jumped to answer. “Friends.” They said, far too quickly. “Just friends.”
Rainbow laughed under her breath, covering her mouth with a wing.
“Uhuh…..” Zephyr didn’t go on any further, wisely choosing to leave the subject alone.
“Whatever. Just make sure you don’t hurt my sister, or else you’ll be dealing with me!”
Allan wasn’t normally this easily annoyed, but Zephyr’s pretentiousness and overexaggerated story irked him a little, and he decided he needed taking down a peg….or three.
“Oh dear!” Allan proclaimed, clapping his hooves to his cheeks, dramatically rearing back, as if in fear. “A noodle legged stallion hath offered threat of violence unto me in defence of his sibling! However shall I defend myself from his limp hooves?”
Rainbow shoulders started to shake with the tell tale sign of barely witheld laughter.
“Now that was just mean.” Zephyr replied.
“That wasn’t mean.” Allan grinned, leaning forward and flaring his wings dramatically. "That was just a little teasing!"
“Allan.” Fluttershy demanded his attention. His head slowly pivoted, his grin turning to face her, becoming slightly less forced.
“Yes?”
“Stop.” The word was not a request, but a command, and Allan could sense a scolding being held in reserve for later. Wincing, Allan rocked back on his hooves. Never piss off Fluttershy. That was rule numero uno, and he’s just come dangerously close to breaking it by teasing her brother. Oh well, time to earn back some brownie points.
“So, Zephyr. What is it you do? I’m kinda doing two jobs to get myself some cash, so I’m curious what other jobs are out there.”
Zephyr swallowed, repairing his ego somewhat before answering. “I’m- uh, I’m in mane therapy.”
“Mane therapy? So…. like hairdressing mixed with massages and scented oils?” That sounded about right, and the look of disappointment was fading from Fluttershy’s eyes. Phew.
“Kind of.” Zephyr became more animated, now that his passion was being openly discussed. “I style ponies manes in ways that help relieve the stress that can get held in the scalp. Massages and oils are an additional thing that ponies can ask for when they want to feel pampered.”
“Sounds interesting.” Allan admitted, moving over to sit down next to Fluttershy on the couch. “Not my thing, but I can understand the merit. Every little helps, and unrelieved stress is seriously bad for you.”
“Oh, I agree!” Zephyr nodded, his previous fear of the changeling forgotten now that he had gotten talking. “I feel better knowing I can do at least something to help ponies relax. Kinda makes you feel like a hero.”
Allan chuckled. Now he understood Zephyr a little better. He was still young, and determined to do great things. Like all youngsters, (including Allan himself!), now that Zephyr had found something he was passionate about, he would pursue his goals like a dog chasing cars. Relentlessly.
That thought made Allan reflect inward. What was it that he wanted to do? What dream was he chasing? He’d never really pursued his desires back on earth. He’d set it all aside to get himself a job and a place to live. Hobbies had fallen to the wayside, and time with friends had dropped to a minimum. His life had...ground to a halt.
So what could he do about it now? What did he…. Oh, how about that? He’d always enjoyed that, so why not? He’d have to take another trip into town….which could wait. He had another Lyra lesson soon, so he could combine the trips.
Zephyr had gone off on a tangent, leaving Allan free to his thoughts, so long as he kept a wary ear out for the end of the endless explanations on just how ponies manes could hold so much stress.
Allan raised an eyebrow at Rainbow’s ‘s continued standoffish behaviour. Why was she so disinterested in him? Was it his continued attempts to charm her? It didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, but Allan was curious. He’d have to figure it out, or find out at some point.
“Well Zephyr, are you sure you don’t need somewhere to stay?”
“You mean it, sis?” Zephyr seemed ecstatic, tail wiggling and ears pointed straight up. Again, he’d hoisted her up into the air with his forelegs, leaving her hanging there with a look of mild annoyance on her face.
“Zephyr. Put me down, please.” Fluttershy didn’t raise her voice, and with a quick grin, Zephyr did just that, lowering his sister gently back down.
“You really mean it though, sis?”
Fluttershy smiled. “Of course I mean it. You can stay in the spare room for now. We’ll have to rearrange stuff for Allan, but I doubt he’ll mind much… right?”
That last was directed at Allan, who raised an eyebrow. “That’ll take some doing. My magic is not that strong yet, so it’ll be mostly heavy lifting.”
“We could put your stuff in my room, so we don’t have to carry it so far.” Fluttershy suggested, a sly smile slowly spreading across her face.
To say the suggestion was a surprise was to state the obvious, and to suggest that Fluttershy wasn’t giving him goo goo eyes for some reason was to lie. Like all males his stature, when faced with a girl giving them a look of genuine attraction, Allan turned around to check that she wasn’t staring at someone else. Given that the only thing behind him was empty room, that was not the case.
Hoping against hope that Zephyr didn’t catch on, Allan gave a sheepish smile in return.
********************
less Jerkish Zephyr?
will wonders never cease!
8423949
No. They shall not. Wonders shall not cease, and mysteries shall be solved. This story is just getting started!
well now this is a really good chapter i love it and the part at the end Fluttershy and Allan staying in her room together that is up front for Fluttershy to make this offer.
Alright, caught up now! Good stuff so far, but... Did you have an error with the tags? Thus far, there has been NOTHING to indicate the involvement of the EqG world, yet it's tagged there. Also, shouldn't there be a Romance tag if the whole relationship with Fluttershy is happening? Or is that tag just for stories where it's the main focus? I get confused on tag meanings sometimes.
8428429
I ran out of room in the tags, and Eqg was fully intended to be implemented later on, but the further I get, the more it becomes apparent that what I originally had planned for Eqg doesn't fit in with what I've written so far, so I'm probably going to change the tags soon. While it is mentioned, Eqg looks less and less appropriate for the story, so yeah.
When Zephyr appeared in this chapter, I immediately thought, oh god. Thankfully it didn't go as badly for Allan and Zephyr as I thought it would, but now the former is gonna have to put up with living with this guy for who knows how long.
Also, I see you're incorporating a little bit of season 7 into this story now, albeit subtly.
As a loyal follower of this story, I can't wait for the next chapter!
8428922
Yep! Did you notice the title drop?
8428930
Of course! I was like, "Ah! Ah! Ah! He said it, he said it!"
Well now, that's interesting. Seems like Chrysalis really wishes things could have gone differently, somewhere deep inside.
The plainly obvious answer to this is "Celestia said so and if changelings brainwashed Celestia, then we really have far bigger problems and Allan isn't even worth bothering about." Now here's wondering how long it'll take until someone actually says it.
You know, I don't blame you for disliking Zephyr, but you shouldn't act it out through your protagonist. Allan has been enough of a demonstrated wet noodle that there is no way in hell he'd react like that, it's incredibly out of character. Real writing misstep here.
8430489
You do know Allan's fooling around, right? He's playing everything up fo' shits and giggles, until Flutters reigns him in. Allan, like most of us, can take jokes too far. That's one of the reasons why he immediately tries to make up for it.
8430557
I didn't, no. If that's what he's doing, it's not immediately obvious. You're playing up how much Zephyr "rubs him the wrong way" a lot in that scene and it came off as honest dislike to me... and an honest effort to be menacing, which just doesn't mesh with his generally submissive personality very well. It reminded me a lot of how many authors have their characters react to Blueblood the moment they meet him, I'm sure you know what I mean. Since Zephyr is also a "jerk" type character, it wouldn't have been surprising to me if that had been personal opinion shining through.
8430569
Well, that was the intent. I'll have to rework it a little later if it's that jarring.
8430702
Toning the sarcasm down a little and maybe getting rid of that part about the "fanged grin" would go a long way for me. I think that's the bit that clinched for me, really - it's very easy to take that as a threat with a deadly weapon. I made me feel like Allan had suddenly pulled a knife on him, which is definitely way beyond joke territory. Changelings do have some rather intimidating and massively dangerous chompers, after all.
8430726
I like the sarcasm a little too much, but I've done a little editing. Is this better?
8430748
I'd say it's a lot better, yes.
8430755
Cool. Thanks for pointing it out.
8430489
As was mentioned in the narrative, this wasn't a dream as it was a memory.
It seems that Chrysalis is the last of a cursed branch of alicorns that became the changelings--much like as happened in the DisQord stories.