Celestia Gets Kicked Out

by Celestial Ambience

I - This Could Be Problematic

Chapter I

This Could Be Problematic

Princess Celestia felt herself being magically thrown out into the dark night. She stood up and looked around, she was on the road that leads to the gates of Canterlot. Looking ahead, the gate wasn't that far, she could see the torches flickering in the distance.

'Lulu isn't too powerful, I'll just walk right back in,' Celestia smiled as she trotted towards Canterlot's gates, only to be stopped by a dark blue rubber-like field that just pushed her back.

'Alright, I'll just use a teleportation spell then,' her horn glowed it's golden color as she readied the spell. The darkness around her was illuminated by the bright flash as the alicorn disappeared, only to reappear in the same spot. Upside down.

Celestia gave an annoyed sigh, 'How is this possible?! Lulu isn't stronger than me!'

Making one last attempt, she spread her humongous wings and shot forward like a bullet, only to be greeted by the dark blue rubber-like field stretching forward to its maximum point, then slingshotting her backward into the cold dirty ground.

'I see how it is Lulu,' she mentally seethed. She then looked around, 'Now what?'

Going through her options, they were: let all her ponies see her and begin riots saying that Celestia isn't even a god and Luna should be the new one or ask her former student, Twilight, for assistance.

Both options sucked, she didn't even know why her ponies started calling her god, she wasn't even one. If she asked Twilight, she might be skeptical but hopefully, Celestia can come up with a coverup story.

Deciding the second choice was the best, she unfolded her wings and took to the cold dark skies.

<><><><><>

An Hour Later

Celestia had reached Twilights library. Circling the tree and making sure that no ponies were looking out of their windows or having a midnight stroll first before landing softly. Celestia approached Twilight's door and knocked as silently as she could. She waited patiently until it took way too long and nopony answered. She placed an ear to the door and listened, not a single sound was emitted, not even her assistants snoring.

Celestia's face turned grim remembering that Twilight and her friends all went to the Crystal Empire to spend time away from Ponyville.

She sighed and looked through her options once more.

There was Discord but he's probably never going to let go the fact that her sister was more powerful than her and there was her castle in the Everfree forest but heading into the forest at midnight alone wasn't the best idea.

But it was that or sleeping in a tree.

Celestia sighed for the umpteenth time until she saw a faraway light lit up the darkness, flickering to life. None of the ponies were awake, it was around twelve in the morning, who could be awake at this time? The light was coming from somewhere near the Everfree, Celestia thought it was strange, 'Who could be living near the Everfree? There's Fluttershy but she's absent and nopony fancied living on the edge.'

Celestia's curiosity took over as she silently trotted over to the light, looking for the source. The source was coming from the window of a large one-story house, the house wasn't like the other ponies as the door was a lot bigger, about Celestia's size. The house was similar to the other ponies but the roofing had strange tiles Celestia had never seen before instead of dried compacted hay and the outer walls were stacked with logs instead of concrete.

Celestia was genuinely curious to who the owner could be. If she had ever owned a house, this would be the one she occupied.

She crouched as low as she could go but being about the size of her extinct ancestors, the horses, she was still huge.

Especially around her rump.

She slowly peeked into the window as her eyes widened upon seeing a creature that she had never seen before in her lifetime.

<><><><><>

Anon sat in the comfy recliner chair, doing some late night reading on Equestria's astronomy. It's been about a year since he's arrived here, it be honest, when Discord teleported his ass here, this was basically his dream. He got away from paying rent and taxes plus not having to deal with his short-tempered boss for not doing anything correctly, even though he was doing everything correctly. But that came at the expense of leaving his mother and sister who were dealing with his father's passing and having to deal with these multicolored gay ponies.

He sometimes became mildly depressed whenever the image of his family mentally appeared but Discord had always cheered him up with chocolate milk and cotton candy.

After he found out that he as the only human here and that their leaders would probably capture him and dissect him, he made sure that these ponies never spoke of him. So he drew a picture of his weapon, gave it to Discord who somehow recognized it, and 'spawned' it in with his magic.

He now fucking had a .357 S&W Magnum revolver. Discord even spawns in rounds daily when he needs them. Discord is like the ultimate bro he's never had before. If he never did this, it was either living on the streets on Earth or going insane from ponies. He'll have to repay him with cotton candy or something.

Anon usually used the revolver in self-defense or to intimidate the ponies, which made them never speak of his name when he demonstrated the destruction it was capable of. He hasn't used it in self-defense yet and he hoped he'll never have to.

Anon was jerked from his thoughts as a silent knock came from the door, 'I swear, Lyra will never give up,' he thought as there was another knock, 'Goddamn she's persistent, I'll give her that.'

He slowly placed the book on the table in front of him and cautiously walked over to the door, pulling out the destructive weapon from his back pants and flicking the safety off with a click as he reached for the door handle.

He flung the door open and thrust the barrel to where a human's head would've been. He was about to aim down realizing that ponies are small as fuck until apparently the pony in front of him was almost as tall as him.

<><><><><>

Celestia stood motionless, a hoof raised mid-knock and eyes wide as the 'L' shaped object was pointed right below her horn on her forehead. She could sense the amount of destructiveness the object could cause and hoped that this creature was friendly or she was dinner.

"U-um, greetings creature, I am―" she was cut off as the creature pulled the weapon off to the side and in one swift motion, hit her square on the side of her head, her mind going blank as darkness shrouded her vision.

<><><><><>

'SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT,' Anon thought as he stared at the unconscious pony. He had panicked, the princess had found him but now said princess was sleeping on his doorstep. He flicked the safety back on and placed the weapon on the table behind him.

Discord came floating out of a room, rubbing his eyes and wearing pajamas, "Anon, what are you..." His eyes widened, "WHAT did you do?!" he hissed.

"I don't know!" Anon hissed back.

"What do you mean you don't know?!"

"I fucking panicked!" he retorted, throwing his hands in the air, 'I swear, Twilight probably reported me, she gonna get it when she comes back...' he angrily thought.

"Well, what now? You just attacked one of the princesses and now she's lying on your doorstep!"

"I don't fucking know for now," Anon looked over at the sleeping white form, "Help me move her inside and spawn in some ropes and a powerful magic inhibitor."

"Oh~" Discord suggestively wiggled his brows as he lazily flew around Anon, "I didn't know you were into bondage."

Anon glared at him as he grunted, picking up the massive horse-like pony. He was pretty strong as bullying in high school motivated him to work out constantly, then show up at school and beat the living shit outta them.

"Just fucking spawn the shit in or she'll won't be the only one on the ground you asswipe."

Author's Note:

Welp, another story idea pumped outta my head. I should do homework and go to sleep.

No clue if anyone wants more so leave a like if possible, tells me you want more and motivates me to write more!

Constructive criticism is welcome!

Comments

[Even Evil Has Standards]

Give us, I say, give us MORE boy!

[jdelta1adams]

One issue, revolvers don't generally have a mechanical safety.

[whatmustido]

7725952
I've never seen one that did. They have hammers you can pull back.

[Celestial Ambience]

7725952 Shhhh, the revolver in my story has a safety mechanism because it would be too chaotic if it didn't have one. There would be too many missing limbs.

In other words Anon requested a safety cause he knew Discord would probably get his paws/claws on it or a pony who didn't know how to work it.

[PonyDragon]

She crouched as low as she could go but being about the size of her extinct ancestors, the horses, she was still huge.

Ah, that explains everything!
(No, it doesn't.)

"Help me move her inside and spawn in some ropes and a powerful magic inhibitor."
"Oh~ I didn't know you were into bondage."

Let me guess: She is.

---

So, Celestia is beaten by both Luna and Anon. She really eats too much cake.

Nice start.
I'm curious where it goes.

[Nordic_Icewolf]

Interesting............ More please

[Randomfastreader]

forget homework, write more. note i'm sitting in school reading this so... yah.

[redsopine]

One question can my oc meet anon and punch him for random thing and then give him a bail bond for discord to pay i mean as a way to make discored hide for a bit

[GrandSpear]

After reading the comments I won't say anything about the safety switch.

[Tofty]

I like the premise so far, seems like it could be funny, but I think you need a proofreader/editor. I don't know about other people, but if the early chapters are riddled with errors, it can stop me reading what might prove to be a great story further down the line.

EDIT: The second and third chapters have far less errors, good job, I like the story.

[Texus]

There was Discord but he's probably never going to let go the fact that her sister was more powerful than her and there was her castle in the Everfree forest but heading into the forest at midnight alone wasn't the best idea.

While I like the possibility of Luna being stronger, I like to think of it as an creative way to force Celestia to back of, than Luna actually being more powerfull. (Only because Celestia is a main Char this time)

I know it is difficult with an comedy tag and a sex tag, but I hope the sex tag is more for the language and maybe some special chapters.
I mean I don't want it to be overdone or meaningless like in some other storys, where probably only the execution of the written scene isn't really good. In said storys or at least in one of them, they would have sex in the morning, the afternoon and in the night, maybe even between those times, which is a bit overdone.

Soo the first chapter was nice enough.

[Shenzy]

..or ask her former student, Twilight, for assistance.

When in EVER did Celestia hesitate to as Twilight?

Especially around her rump.

Now, this one is a LOT more credible!