In this alternate, futuristic Equestria, a terrorist attack on Shining Armor and Cadence inspires the now older Captain of The Royal Guard to form a new team of heroes and protect Equestria from a new threat that could tear the country apart.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I THINK THIS IS AWESOME!!!!
7463192
Who is your favorite OC so far based on the introductions? I'm curious.
7463580
Sweet! I hope you enjoy! And, if I may ask, who is your favorite OC so far based on episode two?
7463469 Pretty much all of them! That's how much I love this story!
7463728
Oh, wow... your making my head inflate over here...
looking forward to it.
7463469
Ok so...
Gizmo = Gizmo (DC universe)
Shadow Dancer = Susan Storm (Fantastic Four)
Blue Thistle = Zarya (Overwathc, dunno why, but I instantly thought of her.)
Blaster = Raven? (Teen Titans)
Fae = Starfire (She acts just like her!)
7463745 Oh no!!! DON'T EXPOLDE!!!
7463812
I'd say Blaster is more like Firestorm in terms of power type, and yeah, I think you nailed the premise of his powers by comparing him to Raven. As for Blue Thistle, I haven't played Overwatch, but I assume Zarya is a very muscular Russian woman, correct? Gizmo is also a lot more like the Mechromancer from Borderlands 2 if Gaige had OCD and ADHD up the wazoo and was male. And yeah, Fae is pretty much Starfire in terms of personality. I'd also say Shadow Dancer was inspired by Susan Storm,yeah, but I threw in a bit of Deadshot and Black Widow in there as well. As you can tell, I'm a massive nerd.
7463785
Awesome! Hope you stick around!
7463931
What, you think these glasses are just for show!?
7463942
True, true... I can't underestimate the glasses.
7463932 I' hoping Twilight will be seen more often than not. even if it's in a support roll rather than combat or even romantic interest.
7463991
She'll pop up quite often, though, not as much as Shining Armor or Cadence. If you like Derpy I think you'll appreciate this too! She's gonna be Shining Armor's secretary.
Great chapter! Nicely done introductions to the main OC cast, and well I am looking forward to more. Keep it up! :)
7463983
Beware the glasses... for their flash shall be the last thing my enemies see before departing for the styx...
cdn.myanimelist.net/s/common/uploaded_files/1460881623-d6dfd1a7d40064a3b171cf6a7930f186.gif
7463996 Derpy is best in these situations.
7464198
Very true.
7464178
Edgy.
7464151
Thanks! Who's your favorite out of the OC cast might I add?
7464322
Hmmm I'm thinking Blaster so far, but haven't learned enough to know for sure though. All seem well thought out though and with their own uniqueness's.
7464320
Eeyup
7464365
Sorta. It was that, and I also recently watched The Avengers (for the 20,000th time).
Sooo what was Fae locked up for agian
7464557
Assualting numerous hunters who abused wildlife in Everfree (just roughed em' up a bit). However, due to the fact she was a previously unidentified lifeform and immensely powerful, she was placed in supermax containment with the rest of the Knights for further study.
7464864 this feels like the people of equestria are being hypocrites when it came to practicing frendship (not critisizing don't change what is good writing)
7464907
In this reality, many have lost faith in the Elements of Harmony...
7464914 I saw, amd I'm going....really folks you know that Twi and her freinds have saved you several dozens of times, half of the issues would of spelled end of the world and you want to rebel
Round 2 of Spot The Typo.
Aside from that one typo, I have no complaints (which is somewhat rare, I'm picky). This seems oddly similar to Suicide Squad, just with a more humane approach. I also rather like the characters, Gizmo specifically. Fae worries me though. She seems a little mercurial. Leave a comment on the first chapter of my story and I'll read the next one on here.
Well, some thoughts going into chapter two. My criticism on the use of anthro still stands. Every time I was starting to imagine the world as either human or pony, the things from the opposite end that overlap in anthro get in the way. The overall humans elements that overlap with pony elements, such as horns or wings, just don't work for me. It's incredibly jarring, and really annoying to try to picture. And I still don't get why you didn't just make them ponies. They've done hand-like things in the show using hooves, so I don't really see a reason for that. Aside from that, I can't really think of a reason to make it anthro aside from making them walk upright.
The other big issue I have is, well, the OCs. I've got nothing against teams comprised of specialists, I mean, my main story even has essentially four or five groups of that. But these specialists seem... too specialized. The inclusion of a demon-possessed exploder and a bizarre reindeer forest guardian seems out of the blue. I was fairly critical of it in the previous chapter, but I'll say it again, but I do think that you need to provide some reason for how these exist. It's an issue that I think decreases the more time you spend introducing us to the setting, whether by minor descriptions here or there or exposition. You've done a good job giving us the general level of sci-fi tech, but there's little frame of reference for the demon-possessed or the nature guardian.
Personal opinion, but I think that they were a bit too accepting of Armor's offer. It was essentially 'you want to get out of prison and risk your neck?' 'sure!', in my opinion, although that might just be because I feel like there just isn't enough introduction for these characters for their personal views to really color how I react to them. I feel like a fair portion of the chapter was spent just giving their background and abilities, as opposed to introducing us to their identities. The only ones I felt were given enough personality were Blaster and Blue Thistle, as their dialogue and what not indicate their overall motives and personality.
One thing that's a pet peeve of mine, as opposed to a more general issue, is Gizmo. He's way too much like the stereotypical genius inventor in my opinion. I feel like I've seen this type of character a million times before, so I'm nonplussed as to how he's described. He feels significantly more generic than most of the specialists, which irks me, given that you've tried to set them up as the odd and out of place.