Strange Magic
"So," says Twilight to me as I come back into the kitchen with my arms full of things from her list. "Apparently the birthday pony is a stallion named Gale Brave."
"Oh, another guard sporting the chivalry motif," I say. "Let me guess, pegasus, right?"
"Well, yes?"
"Figures. Ponies are soooo predictable sometimes."
"We're allowed to be," she points out.
"True, your predictability just exposes my own virtue." I set everything down in a heap on a convenient counter. "By the way, which of these orders belongs to Celestia?"
"This one here," answers Twilight, illuminating one of the orders with her magic. "Please don't mess with it!"
"I'm not going to, I just am ever so curious as to what she ordered."
I read the slip aloud.
"The mega-sized rigatoni bowl in melted provolone cheese with mareinara sauce and Celestial sun chips with artichoke-spinach dip. Did they really name chips after Celestia?"
"It's certainly not uncommon," Twilight answers, opening one of the ovens and putting something inside. Meanwhile, the clone Pinkie Pie has gained a lot of her original counterpart's energy and enthusiasm now that her existence isn't being threatened and is flying all over the room baking. Honestly, I am not even sure that Twilight and I are going to make very much of a difference, with the rate at which she works.
"I wonder whether or not the owner pressured her into ordering those chips, actually," Twilight continues. "If he can get her to officially endorse them, it would be a major benefit to the business."
"Wait, you think that Merrio chump with the funny accent made Celestia order that? He can't do that, can he? I mean, she's just the ruler of the nation, he can't make her do anything!"
"Well, no, he can't 'make' her do anything" Twilight agrees, putting emphasis on 'make'. "But ponies can try to pester her until she agrees to their demands. She puts up with it every day back in Canterlot. I suppose she can't escape it all even while on vacation."
"Well, that sounds positively annoying. Where are these chips? I wish to judge them for myself."
"I don't know. I'll ask. Hey, Pinkie Pie?"
Pinkie suddenly whooshes in front of Twilight, but her hooves continue to fly across the room behind her, apparently managing to use a bread roller while simultaneously chopping vegetables and stirring a bowl of salsa. "You called?" she asks casually.
"Where can I find the Celestial sun chips?"
"Oh, I have them right here!" A pink blur whizzes by and a package appears in Twilight's hooves. There is an illustration of what appears to be a plain triangular chip with google eyes on it.
"Oh. Um, thank you! Do you mind if I try one? I want to make sure that it is fit for a princess after all!" Twilight says with a nervous laugh.
"Sure! I just finished this giant bowl of the artichoke-spinach dip. I have to divide it up between a few of the other customers who also ordered it anyway, so I can grab you a teeny bowl too! You can get the full experience!"
Pinkie sets a bowl of the dip down on the counter next to the supplies I brought in.
"Hey, by the way Twilight, did you notice how all of these ingredients just showed up out of nowhere?" Pinkie continues. "Weird, right?"
She grabs it all up and carries it off.
Twilight holds a hoof to her mouth and whispers at me. "You know, I always privately thought that if Pinkie Pie ever suddenly turns evil, we're doomed."
"I wouldn't worry about that," I answer her. "I don't think she is capable of being evil and happy at the same time, and I am pretty sure that her strange magic doesn't work if she isn't happy."
I take a chip and dip it in the salsa, then take a bite. The taste isn't anything terrific, but it's not horrible. I chew thoughtfully.
"Well?" asks Twilight.
"The chip itself is completely bland," I answer honestly. "The salsa isn't anything spectacular, but it does save the whole thing from being boring."
"Well, maybe Celestia will like it. Also, I have another list of things that we need," says Twilight, holding out another slip of paper to me.
I sigh and accept it from her.
The task of retrieving all of these ingredients with paw and claw is so mind-numbingly dull that I can't help but wonder why in the world I'm putting myself through all of this.
I come back into the kitchen and dump everything off again. Twilight has stopped cooking completely and is just staring at Pinkie Pie's acrobatics.
"Slacking off?" I say, crossing my arms. "Making me do all the work, eh?"
"I need to pay attention to this timer so that I don't accidently overcook the pasta," Twilight explains without looking at me. "And that's also what got me thinking... How does she do it? She's working seven ovens at once without even using a timer, and somehow she always knows when to take the things inside out at the right time!"
"Twi, honestly, I'm surprised at you. You know better than to waste time trying to understand her."
"Well, yes, that's what everypony tells me... but there's just one thing..."
I raise an eyebrow at her. "What? You mean you actually figured something out?"
"Well, no, I didn't figure anything about because it still doesn't make any sense, but... Okay, so, a few weeks ago, there was this unicorn who acquired a powerful artifact that enhanced her magic. Her name was Trixie. She actually took over Ponyville for a little while and did mean things to my friends. Clearly, I beat her at her own game and everything is fine now, but while she was still in charge, she used magic to take Pinkie Pie's mouth away. The real Pinkie Pie, of course."
"And everypony in town celebrated, I presume."
"No, of course not! After Trixie left, I started looking for Pinkie Pie so that I could give her her mouth back, but I couldn't find her, so I made a portal to her location. At first I thought she was simply in a dark room, and although that is strange, it's not so strange for Pinkie Pie, so I just walked in and gave her her mouth back, but afterward I realized that even though my magic should have lit up the room, it didn't do that at all. It wasn't even a room, it was just some sort of a weird void thing! I got nervous and ran back out, and then later when I asked Pinkie Pie about it, she just told me that she couldn't figure out how to explain it and told me to not worry about it."
I stare at Twilight in astonishment.
"You have seen something not meant for the eyes of ordinary ponies." I state in solemn reverence.
"So do you know what that was?" she asks nervously.
"Twilight, if you are looking for a technical explanation, I can't even give that to you about my own magic. And, I quite simply wasn't there. I have no idea what it was, although it would explain why she appears to disappear from reality on occasion. But Pinkie Pie's magic is just simply not the same sort as mine. It's all just strange magic to me.
"But, if I must be honest, it isn't quite as strange as the magic that is coming from this bizarre relationship we've made for ourselves. Neither of us are properly equipped to use it, but its definitely there, for some reason, when I... I just look at you, and I get this impression that that magic inside of me has the potential to literally make me fly, without any wings or chaos magic or unicorn magic at all."
Twilight stops what she is doing and looks at me, gazing into my eyes in astonishment.
"Is that even possible?" she asks quietly.
"How should I know?"
"It might actually be," says Twilight, excitement suddenly growing in her voice. "Cadance would be able to tell me more... about the 'strange magic'.
Suddenly, music starts playing in my head, and I feel the urge to start singing. Which isn't something I normally do, unless I am making a game of it.
"You're sailing softly through the air
And wondering how the heck you got up there!
You fly so high.
I get a strange magic,
Oh, what a strange magic,
Oh, it's a strange magic,
Got a strange magic,
Got a strange magic."
Twilight takes over and sings the next verse.
"You're flying through portals in my mind
Making waves through space and time
Oh whoa, oh whoa!
I get a strange magic
Oh, what a strange magic
Oh, it's a strange magic
Got a strange magic
Got a strange magic!"
"Oh, I'm never going to learn self control!"
I tear my eyes away from Twilight's and look at Pinkie Pie in disbelief.
"She's hijacking our song!" I complain.
"Now I've seen the way it's got to end!
Sweet candy, sweet candy!"
Pinkie flings open a cabinet a ceiling corner of the room and grabs a bowl of sweets.
"Strange magic!
This stuff fills me with strange magic!
Oh, it's a strange magic, that's for sure!
Got a strange magic
It's really obvious, I've got a strange magic!"
"Pinkie!" cries Twilight, dispelling the song.
"Yes?"
"How did you... I mean, you heard that?"
"Of course I did!"
"But... wait, can you actually hear or see Discord?"
"You mean the super sneaky ninja who keeps leaving ingredients around the kitchen? Nope."
Twilight's mouth hangs open quivering for a moment and I help her close it.
"I suggest you don't think about it. Besides, she clearly only joined in after you did, and she can hear you."
"Of course," says Twilight, reluctantly accepting this. "If I wasn't sure before, I am sure now. There is no other possible pony that this could be besides Pinkie Pie."
"Now you've made me hungry!" whines Pinkie. "I go through so much candy that between that and paying for the place I'm renting, I don't have any leftover bits! Maybe I can convince Mister Merrio to give me a raise after today. What is magic anyway, Twilight?"
"Pff," I sputter. "That's easy. Magic is this incredible power that lets you warp everything around you and do whatever you want."
"That's not quite true, Discord..." says Twilight. She turns back to Pinkie Pie.
"Magic is the application of energy which results in a change in reality that defies what the natural laws of the universe dictate should happen. Over the years, many inventions have been made that appear to be magical in nature, but are actually not. But there are just some things that magic can do that a purely non-magical device will never be able to imitate. Although, there are many different kinds of magic, and some kinds" she emphasizes, looking in my direction once again, "defy natural law more than others. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"
"Oh, it was just a question that an alligator asked me before I ran away from Ponyville. I didn't have an answer."
"Alligator?"
"Hold on a second," I say. "What's that phrase that you're always spouting off? 'Friendship is magic'? I mean, obviously it must be because I can sense it with my magic sense, but how in Equestria does that possibly fall in line with that definition of magic?"
"Because, Discord, the physical changes that a friendship makes to the world are relatively small. But they have so much more power than that. It changes how the world affects us, and gives us strength where there is none to be had. Ergo, it satisfies the conditions of being a form of magic."
I raise a single eyebrow at her.
"Well, I wouldn't know. I guess I'll have to take your word for it."
"By the way, I have more things I need you to get."
"Sigh."
Thanks to Pinkie's unbelievable cooking skills, this tedious task actually finishes in a bearable amount of time. All that's left is the cake.
"Stinkie!" cries the voices of the owner outside of the kitchen door.
The door flies open and the stallion himself trots in.
"Stinkie! I a-just checked with tha princess, and... she likes a-tha food! She's agreed to give me an official endorsement! I have you to-a thank for this!"
"Don't forget my loyal assistant!" answers Pinkie, nudging Twilight with her head.
"Don't be modest," Twilight says. "You probably could have prepared all of this by yourself and it wouldn't have taken very much longer at all!"
"That's totally not true! You gave me the motivation to do it!"
"Well, I'm-a in a good mood this fine afternoon!" cries Merrio. "I'm-a going to give you both a raise! And as soon as you have that birthday cake ready, you may take the rest'a the day off. Now I must go and ensure that everypony continues to be satisfied!"
He turns around and walks back out again.
"Um," says Pinkie. "What am I supposed to do when he realizes that you're not on the payroll?"
"I'm pretty sure it won't be your problem," answers Twilight. "You have nothing to worry about. But maybe I should make myself scarce before Celestia leaves and he takes the time to actually ask me who I am."
"You're leaving?" cries Pinkie in disappointment.
"Do you need me to stay?" asks Twilight in concern.
"I guess not. It's just that, normally I avoid everypony because I don't want to be recognized, but I don't have to do that around you anymore. So, I guess that sort-of-kind-of makes you my only friend."
"You consider me to be a friend?" says Twilight in slight surprise. "But I was the one trying to send you back into the mirror pool! I understand that you're relieved that I'm not going to do that any more, but... Well, why aren't you angry at me, or afraid of me?"
"I don't really know," says Pinkie in a slow response that suggests that she never thought about it. "Maybe I should be. But, I'm not. I guess I'm just so happy you're letting me stay, I can't be mad. I realize that you were only doing what you thought was best based on the limited information that you had at the time, and if I get mad at you, you might get mad at me, and if we are both mad at each other, we might become enemies instead of friends, and then nopony would be happy, and that would be awful!"
"I guess that makes sense," says Twilight. "Do you need any help settling into Manehatten? I could help you."
"I've already got everything covered, but thank you for the offer. So, after you leave, if I write to you, promise me that you'll write back?"
"Of course!" Twilight answers. "I promise."
A short while later, Twilight and I find ourselves standing outside the restaurant, next to the Celestia balloon. "Well, that was an... interesting afternoon," I say.
Twilight lets out a laugh. "You don't have to embellish for my benefit Discord. I know that you would have rather been doing... almost anything else."
"Well, if I had gone off by myself, you wouldn't have been there, and that would have taken most of the fun out of whatever I decided to do. I mean, you are the only pony who even reacts to my jokes at the moment."
"Well, I'm just happy that we were able to make ponies happy today."
"You mean Celestia?"
"Not just her. Also Pinkie Pie- the copy of Pinkie anyway, and Gale Brave, all the other guards, and even Mister Merrio."
"What are you talking about?" I ask in confusion. "We didn't help those last two, did we?"
"Well, we did contribute to Gale's birthday lunch."
"You know as well as I do that Pinkie would have been able to do it without us."
"That is true, but that isn't the point. The point is that we did make a contribution."
"I don't understand what you are saying, Sparkle."
"It shows that you care."
"Well, I care about you Sparkly, but I wouldn't say that I care about all those other ponies."
"Whatever the reason, then. Even though you only refrained from causing trouble because I asked you to, you still did as I asked."
Suddenly, Twilight's smile turns mischievous. She uses magic on me to pull my head down so that she can whisper to me. "And even though you it wasn't as much fun for you as it was to me, you do have my... very sincere gratitude."
Suddenly she pulls me in very close. Her lips press into mine, and the sudden action causes me to fall over in surprise.
Twilight's mouth gets dislodged from the sudden motion and I can feel her lips drag up my face as I tumble backward.
After impacting the ground, I realize that she is now more or less standing on top of me, staring at me wide eyed.
"That's not fair!" I cry at her. "I was supposed to do that first!"
I don't give her a chance to answer back and I thrust my face back into hers, giving her a proper kiss.
After eventually breaking away, we both pant and look at each other.
"Forget about Celestia for today," I say, smiling at her. "You and I are going on a date."
"Where are we going to go?" she asks quietly.
My grin suddenly transforms into a frown.
"Actually, I have no idea what ponies do on a date. That's sort of part of the reason I didn't bring it up before."
"Do you want to go find a crowded street somewhere and paint signs and give out pamphlets and warn everypony about the dangers of spontaneous pony combustion?"
I give her a look. "Everypony will think you're completely nuts," I point out. "That sounds perfect!"
"Discord!" I hear Twilight whisper. "Discord, wake up!"
I groggily open my eyes and look around and realize that I'm laying inside the blimp parked in some forgotten corner of Manehatten, which is surprisingly bright at night. Twilight is laying on top of me.
I let out a yawn. "What is it?"
"Princess Luna figured out where your powers are being kept!"
I lift my head up and look at Twilight.
I yawn again. "Huh. Imagine that. Where then?"
"Apparently Celestia is having some experts keep your magic under observation somewhere at her school in Canterlot."
"Great. We should swing by. Later. After Celestia finishes her vacation."
There is a moment of silence.
"You mean you don't want it back this very instant?"
"If we leave now, I won't get any more chances to mess with Celestia!" I whine. "I've lived without my magic for this long, I'll last a little while longer. It's not going anywhere."
"Well, if you insist."
"By the way," I say, "Tell Luna that I said to thank her. Seriously."
I lay back down and close my eyes and return to slumber.
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Once again, I disappeared for a few months, embarrassed to come back because I haven't been writing anything. Believe me, I am at least as sick as some of you must be of it. So asked myself what I'm going to do about it, because I really don't want it to happen to this story yet again. The answer is apparently that I wrote out the entirety of the remainder of this story arc, which took several weeks. I can't get writers block if the story arc is already finished, right? So I'll post a chapter every 24 hours until it's all published. The story won't actually end there though, because after this particular arc is over with, I will then start considering the repercussions that it all has on future episodes. They won't play out the same, and so I can use them to extend the story even further. Hope you all are glad to see that the story is back and everything is finally going to fall together! Even I can hardly wait. See you tomorrow!
Spontaneous pony combustion is a serious issue. Just because the universe could undergo heat death several times before it ever actually occurs is no reason to slack off in guarding against it.
8915484
It returns! And on a regular basis!
In all seriousness, it's good to see this coming back. Can't wait for the rest of the arc.
Yeah its back
Nice, I'm glad to see this story has come back after its long hiatus.
8915674
it's back yay!!!
...I want to know how the date went.
Just found this story, read it, very enjoyable!
8915972
I thought the same thing actually, lol. I'll probably insert a bonus chapter between this one and next chapter describing it, later, come to think of it. But first, I'll focus on what I already have typed up.
8916020
Hurray for bonus chapter! Hurray for what's already typed up! Hurray for the really interesting and convincing way you portray Twilight and Discord as having more in common than you would expect!!!!!!!
8915484
Damn, that's great! Always nice when an author has a plan and a good backlog already prepped for posting.
I had completely forgotten about this story and had to re-read it to refresh my memory, glad to see that it's risen from its slumber.
Just found this and it's really fun.
Found a few errors though.
what
faze
Question mark instead of exclamation mark?
compulsive maybe?
psychology twice
but
knob
8916929
O_o You're right, now that I look at it, I realize that I didn't write psychology, I put phycology, and the spellcheck didn't reject it. What is phycology anyway, the study of phylums in organism classification? *Looks it up* Oh, its the study of algae. Lol, that's funny.
These mistakes are clearly from all over the story. I can figure out where most of the mistakes are located from context, and the rest of them through deducing that they must be in chronological order and using the search function, but in the future it would be helpful to indicate which chapter they are in. Thank you for catching them though, some of those like that phycology thing have been kicking around for ages, hahaha.
8917039
You're welcome.
They should be in chronological order since I noted them down while reading through the story. I'll note the chapters for any future things I spot though :)
This definition is so illogical! If magic exists then IT is part of the natural laws of the universe ^^;;;
9008989
Whether this is correct or not is debatable. Some people would say that magic should just be another branch of the laws of nature, but the problem with that opinion is that if literally becomes a technology because it is a technical process that can be studied, and some people say that it isn't magic if you can do that. That's not to say that magic isn't something that can be studied, because almost every rendition of it shows that it can. But imagine that instead magic is a process where you can inject your will into reality. There are still rules and restrictions, and prices to pay, otherwise you could do whatever you want, but through some unknown means, a magical entity can project energy into the world to change it to the way that they want it to be, despite defying what the laws of nature dictate should be happening. I'm not saying that magic causes the impossible to happen because in any world with magic in it, magic is clearly possible. But I am proposing that magic can does override other natural laws and is the force with the final say on how things should be.
The thing which I am trying to say here is really hard to convey. Believe it or not, here is a real world example, although admittedly it is just a concept.
In theory, the Higgs boson field can be manipulated by tachyons. I say in theory because humans have never actually done it, but math says that it can. The Higgs field is essentially where all of the information about the world is held. People have no way of manipulating tachyons, but if they could, they might possibly be able to inject info into the Higgs field and change the state of the world without normal physics having any contribution at all. I know that this method of manipulation has never yet been achieved, but if that's not real world magic, then I don't know what is. Admittedly, controlling tachyons would rely on other natural laws that deal with such things, but the end result is still quite disjointed from the usual laws that mostly govern the world at the scale visible to the eyes of man.
And a second example. If we have a world that exists completely inside of a computer simulation which is run by the command of a user of that computer who also has the power to issue commands to the simulation, then that computer user is essentially the god of that world. Commands run by the user do not go through the system of the laws for this simulation, they occur solely because the user said so. In that example, we have a different kind of magic, the kind held by all powerful deities. Although the deity in this scenario is a computer user who is using a piece of technology, as far as the simulated world goes, there is no logic to how the commands are executed, no law restricting how the commands are run, or if they can be run, they just do. In that situation, 'magic' really doesn't have any explanation at all unless you transcend the simulation, and it is definitely in conflict with the simulation's natural law. Even though it is quite different from the first example I gave though, both examples hold true to the definition that I posed, that magic changes reality in defiance of natural laws.
It's nice to see at least that clone Pinkie Pie and Twilight reconcile. Me, I'd have gone for a story with Detective Rarity picking up clone Pinkie Pie as her assistant to investigate some conspiracy in the red light districts of Manehatten, but that's just me
At least it seems that we're getting a little bit closer to the denouement of this story, now that they've found out where Discord's power is being kept. Well, I wouldn't expect there to be no obstacles in the way, first. But at least for now Discord can troll Celestia some more.
I imagine that big white space there is Discord and Twi's date...but I like to imagine that Discord got so drunk that he completely blacked out and forgot what happened in the middle.