> The Fugitive Draconequus
>  by Ironskull
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> I Won't Be Bribed That Easily
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Boredom.

Those who think that they know me might think that I am more familiar with this concept than any other living creature ever.

They’re completely wrong, of course.  They’re always wrong.  Except for when they’re not.  But even then, they just make lucky guesses.

My mind is vast and unknowable.  Even to me.  They might think that they know me, but nobody knows me.

Which is exactly how it should be.

But, back to my previous thought.  Boredom.

You would think that being trapped inside of a statue for a thousand years is boring.

...  You would be right, actually.

Or at least, you would be right if I was anybody other than me.  But I’m not weak like these ponies.  They really thought that spending a thousand years as a statue would make me ‘see the light’?  Did they really think I would embrace their harmony for fear of reliving that punishment?

Actually, I suppose they didn’t think that.  They didn’t even consider that that might be the case.  Of course they didn’t, they knew better.  I’m the spirit of chaos.  I’m not one to succumb to despair, boredom, or reeking smells.

Of course, I’m back in the statue again.  Have been for a bit now.  That’s what I get for being myself, but I don’t regret it one bit.  It’s the principle of the thing, you see.  I’m not just a pet dog to be trained to as others see fit.

It’s going to suck being trapped for another millennia though.

Okay, it is true, I’ll admit.  I do get bored quite easily.  But I don’t stay bored for long.  No matter what.  Even no matter the circumstance.

I like to consider myself to be an artist.  And I love making my art, and I especially love presenting my work for others to behold.  And the more who behold it, the better.

Thus, when the audience of my work numbers exactly one (myself), it provides the least amount of satisfaction.  But that’s what I am forced to do when I have to create my art in my own head.

However, on the bright side, I just happen to be the one individual whose opinion is worth infinitely more than everyone else’s anyway.

There are endless ways to— well, I won’t say ‘entertain myself’, but I suppose ‘stave off my boredom’ is an appropriate way to put it.

For instance, right now, I’m staring into the stars.

Don’t get the wrong idea, mind you.  I couldn’t care less about the lunar princess’s pride and joy.

No, my interest in them is that if you stare really hard at one single star in the night sky for a long time, and I mean really stare at it, eventually all of the other stars in the whole sky will vanish.  Just like that!  It’s amazing!

Of course, they don’t actually vanish into thin air.  I can’t make that happen literally, at least while I’m trapped in here.  It’s actually just that your eyes will completely lose focus of all other points of light as the one star consumes your entire focus.  You won’t just forget that the other stars exist though, it really does look like they pop out of existence.

I wonder how much longer I’ll have to keep staring before it happens.

OH HOLY CHAOS, IT JUST HAPPENED.

NOOOO!  I was so startled by my sudden success that I lost my focus and now the other stars came back all over again and it’s all ruined!

Whatever.  I don’t even care.  I have plenty of other options for staving off boredom.

Like talking to myself.  You know.  Just like what I am doing right now.  I seem to do it quite a bit.  I am good company, if I do say so myself.  Who needs anybody else but me?

I know, I’m completely out of my mind.

And how fortunate it is that I am.  I’d be awfully bored otherwise.

Not sure what is so entertaining about telling myself things that I already know though.  Anything to stay busy, I suppose.

Wait a second.  I hear hoofsteps.

Now this is interesting.  Usually I have the same entertainment options available to me all day long, every day of the week.  Not that I succumb to doing the same things each day.  It’s usually about a whole month before I have to recycle my admittedly limited material.  But it’s not every day that a pony comes along.  A visitor opens up whole new avenues of potential activities.

Yes, they are still mental activities, but I’ll take it all the same.

The hoofsteps are very loud now.  As though the pony causing them wants me to be aware of their presence.  Only one pony ever does that.

Oh, here she comes, into my vision.  Well, at least her head.  I’m kind of stuck staring halfway toward the sky right now.  And sure enough, it’s princess sunny flanks.  I can’t see her torso, but I imagine that she must be bloated like a balloon from all of that cake.

Well, she might be.  I can’t tell if she is or not.  It’s funnier to pretend that she is.

“Hello Discord,” she whispers to me.

Why, hello your radiance.  Pardon me while I avert my eyes from your brilliance.  You’re blinding me.  Oh, that’s right, I can’t.

Not that I actually want you to leave!  Because then I’ll have to go back to staring at stars or something.

It’s a good thing you can’t hear me...

“I have been thinking about you of late,” continued Celestia.

Really now?  I can’t say that I’m surprised.  Once anypony beholds my glory, they are consumed by my magnificence.  You know you can’t get enough of me.

“I am sure that that you don’t agree with me on this,” continued Celestia, “but I want you to know something.  I believe that everyone, pony or otherwise, has a little compassion in them.”

On the contrary, I agree completely.  Everyone does have a little compassion.  Even me.  It’s completely embarrassing, but I do have those weak moments, just as you ponies have your occasional moments of chaos.

I’m not going to tell her that, of course, but she can’t hear me.

“I noticed something about you when you were recently released,” said Celestia.  “And it made me realize something about myself.”

You mean you’ve finally realized what an incredible genius I am and you are forsaking harmony?  Took you long enough.  I suppose I can’t blame you for taking your time realizing it though, what with your finite IQ and all.

“You were slightly more concerned about the opinions of others around you, compared to your attitude one thousand years ago,” said Celestia.

Oh, is that all?  Oh, well that’s fascinating.

WHOA, WAIT A SECOND.  What are you talking about?

“You may be wondering what I’m talking about,” said Celestia with a small smile.

Yes, I did just now think that.  Are you deaf?  Oh, no of course you aren’t.  I’m mute.

“I am referring to the fact that you attempted to comfort my student, in your unique fashion.”

Hang on, I did what?

“You tried to get Twilight to see a positive side to your chaos.  You tried to convince her to enjoy herself.  Of course, you know as well as I do that she did not see things your way, and admittedly, you were not particularly upset at that result, but I have to wonder, why did you try to convince her at all?”

Because I was right and she was wrong, obviously!  Do you really think I wouldn’t take the opportunity to rub it in her face?

“Perhaps you did it just to remind her of her failures...” admitted the alicorn.

...  You don’t know me.  I could have had other reasons, you know.

“But I suspect that you had another reason.”

Well, I could have, but I actually definitely didn’t.

“I believe that you truly do seek approval from others.”

WHAT?  No, no Celestia.  That’s not how this works.  Unlike some artists, I don’t care whether others like my work or not.  Ponies around here don’t know good work when they see it.  I want them to see my work either way, let them have a small taste of perfection, but if I start taking criticism, it’s going to seriously impair my bravura, and I can’t have that.

“I believe in second chances, Discord,” said Celestia.  “And third chances... and fourth...”  Her frown faltered a bit.

Yeah, the colt has cried wolf three times now.  You’re supposed to take the hint after the second time.  Except the colt is pretty much telling you that there is not a wolf, when there really is one.  Or something.

“There’s hope for you yet, Discord,” said Celestia.

That’s true.  Another bunch of school fillies might show up to fight in the royal gardens.  Could you please be so kind as to arrange that for me?  I promise that you’ll regret it, honest.  That’s what you get for being kind though.

“I’m going on a trip in the morning,” she began again, after a moment of pause.

Tell the cakeholics anonymous support group that I said hay.  You know, because you should eat some instead of your usual for once.

“And I’m going to bring you with me.”

Wait, you’re giving me a change in scenery?  BRING THE SUN UP RIGHT THIS INSTANT!

“I just thought I would give you something to look forward to.  And, maybe I have another surprise for you too.  But you’ll have to wait to find out what it is.  Try not to spend the rest of the night wondering what it is.”

Look at this mare, does she even know who she’s talking to?  I’m the master of not thinking about pink elephants.

...

I wasn’t trying to not think about pink elephants just then.  Why would I do that?  Just because I said it doesn’t mean I was actually trying to not do it or anything.

What I did do was not think about that other thing and think about pink elephants instead.  I don’t even remember what that other thing was.  Seriously.

You see?  I’m a genius.  You’ll have to try harder than that, princess.

Celestia let out a laugh.  “I merely jest, Discord.  I am not so cruel.  The morning comes now.”

She stepped away from me and smiled at me sadly.

And then she rose up into the air and a wave of light erupted from her.

Is this show really a necessary part of the process for you, or are you just showing off?

The sun peaked over the horizon and settled into position.

She finally lowered back to the ground.  And then she picked me up in her magic.

Hey, that tickles!  Actually, no it doesn’t.  I can’t feel a thing.  Proceed.

“Come now,” she continued.  “We have a carriage waiting.”

OH CHAOS I CAN’T STAND IT ANY MORE!  Where are we going?  Where where where where where-

What am I screaming in my head for?

I know that she can’t hear me, but cut me some slack.  Old habits are hard to break.  Besides, I like doing this.

Where where where where where where where where where where where...

Oh hey, it’s another side of the castle!  Maybe we can stop here for a bit so I can count the number of bricks?

Actually, NO.  Let’s not do that.  That sounds like a terrible idea.

I suddenly feel the base of the statue set down.  I look at the edges of my limited field of view, but I can’t see much other than the sky.

Oh no.  I just realized, we’re going to be flying over Eqeustria and I won’t be seeing a bit of it.  All I’ll see is the same old boring sky.

Curse you Celestia, there had better be something worthwhile at the end of all of this!  I swear, if you put me somewhere even more boring than the gardens, I will have to make your life even more miserable than I was already planning when I finally get out of here.





We’re slowing down.  Are we there yet?  Oh, chaos, please tell me we’re there!  We’re coming to a stop.  We’ve stopped.  Are we on the ground?  I think we’re on the ground.  I didn’t even feel a bump when we landed.  Oh, where in Equestria are we?  TELL ME!

Suddenly I hear trumpets blaring that infernal royal fanfare.  Come on, you call that music?

“Princess Celestia!” cries a very familiar voice.

I feel myself clench up with sudden intrigue.  I mean, I’m even more clenched up than usual, being encased in stone.

Why, if it isn’t book nerd in the flesh.

Celestia wasn’t kidding.  This day really was starting to get interesting.

“Twilight Sparkle, my dearest student!” cried Celestia, her voice now a short distance away from myself.  “I’m so happy to see you!”

Well, I’m not.  Do you know why?  It’s not because she’s responsible for putting me back in stone or anything.  I don’t fault you ponies for following your nature.  Well, except for when I do.  No, the reason I’m not happy to see her is because I can’t see her at all.

Could somepony please come over here and knock me over?  At least then I’ll be able to see what these ponies are doing around me!

It could happen.  Where is that clumsy klutz of a mail pony when I need her?

“Princess, I am happy to see you too...” responded Twilight hesitantly.  “But... with all due respect...  HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?” she bellowed.  “WHAT IS DISCORD DOING HERE?”

I can barely contain my delight.  I wish I could see cake flank’s face right now.

I was lifted off of the chariot and plopped onto the ground.  I still can’t see anything other than sky though.

“I understand your skepticism, Twilight,” answered Celestia, apparently unfazed by Twilight’s outburst, to my small disappointment, “but I ask that you trust me.  I have a special task for you.  For all of you.”

‘For all of you’, eh?  The whole gang is here, apparently.  But what in Equestria is Celestia even talking about?  What task could she have for those six that would have anything to do with an unmoving statue?

If it was just Twilight here, I would figure that she wanted her to write a research project on me or something.  Which I would be fine with for at least a while, I guess.  Any change of scenery would be acceptable, and I must admit, I have to wonder what kind of hilarious ideas she might get in her head concerning myself.

That clearly isn’t the case though.  None of her friends are such nerds.  They have nothing in common at all, except for one thing: their precious friendship.  And I’m not even sure how they have that.  They have nothing in common at all!

“I have brought Discord to you today because I believe that you and your friends have the potential to teach him the true value of friendship.”

Whoa.  I am actually dumbstruck.  There’s only one explanation.  The princess has finally lost her mind.  And I didn’t even have anything to do with it.

Hey, wise mare, if you’re so friendly, why don’t you let me out of here?

“Do not worry, my little ponies,” Celestia continued.  “Discord will be completely powerless when I release him from his prison.”

SHE’S LETTING ME OUT!

I barely registered the shouts of astonishment and admonishment from the element bearers.

I don’t know what it was that caused Celestia to go brain dead and I don’t care in the least.  GET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT, NOW, DO IT DO IT DO IT!

I’m not even listening to them any further.  I’ve already heard all I need to know.

Oh, what perfect chaos shall I create first?  I suppose I have to deal with those nasty elements of harmony first.  I’ll just steal the elements and then gloat as I see their astonished faces.  Yes, they will be astonished, even though I already stole the elements once before.  I bet they have all kinds of new protective wards around them, but they won’t work any better than last time.  They tried so hard to keep the elements safe, but they left the one avenue that really mattered wide open.

So, first I’ll steal the elements, then I’ll gloat, and then I’ll laugh like a maniac as I summon a bird bath and flip the tub upside-down to make an umbrella.  And then I’ll summon a gust of wind that will blow me and my stone parasol away.

“I’ll be leaving Discord in your very capable hooves now, Twilight,” I heard Celetstia say.

Yes, you do that.  Please.

“I hope you know what you are doing, princess,” said Twilight apprehensively.

“Every precaution has been taken, Twilight, but I won’t deny that this endeavor is not without risks.  They are risks that we will just have to take, however.  If you are to be successful, you must have a little faith in Discord.”

“I understand.”

“Goodbye, my little ponies, and good luck.”

I heard the sounds of Celestia’s chariot taking off and leaving, and then there was silence.

“Alright everypony,” said Twilight, making a hilarious attempt to sound like a leader.  “The princess is counting on us.  Are we ready to do this?”

You had all better be.

“I haven’t forgotten what that jerk did to me,” said Rainbow Dash angrily, “but...  If the princesses think that he deserves another chance, then I can look past it.”

What is it with you ponies and letting others do the thinking for you?  I mean, I know that Celestia is at least marginally more intelligent than the rest of you, but I thought you were supposed to be the independent one.

“That ‘jerk’ has done terrible things to each of us,” reminded Rarity.  “I would... appreciate it if we don’t go into specifics.  But the princess is right.  We should give him another chance, even though he most certainly doesn’t deserve it.”

I do so deserve it.  Well, I don’t deserve to be forced to learn friendship, but I deserve to be released from this cruel and unusual punishment.  Seriously, nobody deserves this!

“We’re going to be the bestest of friends, I just know it!” cried Pinkie Pie.  “I already have ideas for a ‘congratulations on your reformation’ party!”

Not a bad idea actually, but perhaps we can change it to a ‘hurray for the return of chaos’ party instead?  I won’t be able to attend, of course, I’ll be busy.  You know what, Pinkie?  I just might go easy on you if you do that for me.

“Don’t get ahead of yerself, Pinkie,” said Applejack warily.  “I want to see Discord reformed just as much as you do, but don’t kid yerself into thinking that this is going to be easy.  I’m all for this, but Ah’d be a fool to not prepare for the worst.”

This mare is the most perceptive of this whole bunch.  Not that it will do her any good in the end.

“I’m ready, Twilight,” said Fluttershy in a near whisper.

Oh, come on!  Is that really all you’re giving me to work with?

“Then let’s do this,” said Twilight.

A purple head stepped into the lowest part of my vision.  She was wearing her crown.

They’re really doing this.  They’re honest to chaos doing this.

What a bunch of idiots!

Oh, I can’t stop laughing!

There was a flash of light.

Suddenly, I start feeling really uncomfortable.

As my body loses its uncompromising rigidity, I feel an overwhelming involuntary urge.

“Ahhhhhhhhhh!” I cry out in immense relief, stretching every inch of my now free body.

Finally, I look down at my ‘rescuers’.

And I start laughing, and I lunge at Twilight.

I know, I know.  This is an incredibly stupid idea.  But that’s never deterred me before.

The others all gasp, but before they can otherwise react they realize that I’ve thrown my limbs and around Twilight, giving her a full body hug.

Let me be perfectly clear:  I am not in the least bit grateful to Twilight.  She is the one who put me in a statue in the first place.  Freeing me from her own trap does not earn her anything.  At best, I might say that she has almost made up for the mistake of imprisoning me in the first place.

But the way that everypony is reacting is priceless.

“Discord!” cried Twilight in terror.  “I know that you’re happy to be out again, but GET AWAY FROM ME!”

She magically shoves me off of her body as I continue laughing hysterically.

“Oh my chaos, it’s so GOOD TO BE BACK!” I cry out into the air.

I stop laughing and give them all a smirk.

I snap and attempt to magic away their elements.  To my surprise, nothing happens at all.

“Huh.  I guess your princess actually managed to ward the elements effectively for once,” I openly admitted.  “No matter.  This is only a minor setback.  Now then, as much as I would love to stick around and be reformed by you six, I have far better things to be doing.”

I snap and summon the bird bath as planned.

Wait, where is it?

I snap again.

The bird bath is still a no-show.

I’m confused, and quickly beginning to panic, but I force myself to keep my cool.  See, I’m so cool right now that I’m still maintaining my inner monologue.   If I had my powers, I would summon a block of ice around my head, and these ponies wouldn't get the joke at all, which would make it even funnier.  But that's obviously not an option at this point in time.

I snap once more, trying to summon the gust of wind.  That doesn’t work either.

“Discord, your magic will not function right now,” says Twilight.

I look down at the infernal unicorn.  I'm slightly curious why she didn't say that in a smug tone.  I know I would have.

“What did you do to me?” I asked.  I mentally kick myself.  I sound desperate.

“Princess Celestia has taken away your powers as a precaution,” explained Twilight.

“That’s not possible,” I insist immediately.  “I’m almost certain that that is impossible.”

“It is possible,” insists Twilight.  “It happened.”

“Hmm,” I declare out loud, not caring about the ponies listening to me.  “Very clever, princess...”

As a last resort, I try flying away, but as I feared, my wings are pretty much useless without magical assistance.

“We are willing to let you have your powers back,” continued Twilight.  “All you have to do is prove to us that you can be trusted with them.”

I clap my hands together happily, despite the anger building up inside me.

“I see what’s going on here!” I cry out in false happiness, hoping it would throw the ponies off guard.

Twilight eyed me warily.  “You do?”

“Yes!  Extortion!  I never knew your princess had it in her!”

“What!” cried Twilight.  “What are you talking about?”

“You are attempting to force me to do something I don’t want to do by holding something I hold very dear hostage.  You are holding my powers hostage until I learn the ‘magic of friendship’.  Extortion!  Bribery!  Whatever you want to call it!”

Twilight started stammering, to my delight.  “Wha- but- No, it’s- It’s not like that!” she shouted.

“Oh, I’m not complaining,” I respond.  Then raise a finger to my chin, pretending to think about it.  “Actually,” I continue, “I am complaining.  I hate it.  But I am impressed.  This was fun before.  Now things are getting... interesting...” I finish, pouring menace into that last word.

“Call it whatever you want.  Just what are you going to do about it?” demanded Rainbow Dash.  I turned toward her and grinned.

“Oh, I’ll come up with something, with or without my powers.”

“Discord,” said Twilight in exasperation.  “If you cause us trouble, we will be forced to use our elements and put you back in your stone prison.  Nopony here wants that.”

“True, I don’t want that,” I admit.  “But what makes you think that you truly have me cornered here?  Do you honestly expect me to bow down to your will just because you think you’ve left me with no choice?”

Twilight grimaced.  “We’re not asking you to cooperate with us because you have no choice.  All of this was just a safety precaution.  We’re asking you to cooperate because it’s the best course of action available to you!”

“I’m afraid that I’ll have to dispute that,” I answered.  “I could run away.”

“Run away.” Repeated Twilight in deadpan.  “Seriously?”

“If I have to.”

“Discord, you are an idiot.  You have nowhere to go, no friends to take you in.  You don’t have your powers.  You can’t survive out there on your own!”

“That’s what you think!” I declare triumphantly.  “I’m the spirit of chaos, whether I have my powers or not!  There’s nothing that I can’t do one way or another, and there is nothing that will stop me!”

“You sound like a foal!” cried Twilight in frustration.  “And, remember this:  If you run away, you will lose your only chance at regaining your powers ever again.”

“Is that a challenge?”  I grin.

“What?” cried Twilight in bewilderment.  “No, it’s-“

“Because I guarantee you, I could definitely take my powers back.  I don’t care if it takes years, I will get them back.”

Twilight shook her head and clenched her eyes closed for a moment before opening them again and looking at me.

“Well, until then, we need a place for you to stay.  Prin-“

“Oh, are we going house hunting?” I cried in delight.  I snapped my fingers in order to summon a Robin Hooves outfit and bow.  It didn’t work, which made me feel really stupid.  Twilight gave me a look and I felt a flash of anger.

“No, we are not going house hunting.  Prin-“

“Have you ever played hunt the house?” I asked.  “It’s really easy.  I mean, come on!  They aren’t exactly small things, are they?”

“Discord, stop interrupting!  Prin-“

“Oh, look!” I cried, pointing toward a random pony’s house.  “There’s one!  Do I win?”

“DISCORD!” bellowed Twilight in anger.

“Hey, did you know that the more times ponies say my name, and the louder they say it, the more powerful I become?” I said.  I watched Twilight carefully to gauge how she would react to this enormous lie.  I’m all powerful all the time, of course.  Except for at this particular moment, I suppose.

Twilight looked confused the moment I said that, and worry flashed across her face.  “You’re lying!” she growled.

“This sentence is a lie.”

“Shut up!”

“Shut up?” I cried in false apology.  “Why, certainly!  You don’t think I’m the kind to keep on blabbing, do you?  Some ponies will just keep going on and on and on and on and on.  When I shut up, I shut up!”

“This is giving me an aneurism,” muttered Rarity.

Twilight sighed.  “Discord, the prin-“

She abruptly stopped and shot me a glare.

“The princess... suggested that you stay with Fluttershy during your stay here.  Now.  You and I and Fluttershy are going to go to her house now.  You’re going to behave.  And you are going to be nice to Fluttershy.”

“Alright.”

Twilight stared at me in disbelief.

“ ‘Alright’?  Is that really all you have to say?”

“Yep.”  I grinned.  My plan was going according to plan.

“I’m keeping an eye on you.”

Twilight turned to the others.

“Could you four please wait for me in Sugar Cube Corner?  Don’t worry about me, I can deal with Discord, and I don't want to make everypony even more angry by having to be near him.  I have something that I need to talk to you all about when I get back.”

The other ponies hesitantly agreed.

I forced my face to not reflect the euphoria I felt at this.

The walk to Fluttershy’s house was eerily quiet.  I knew I was making the two ponies uncomfortable with my uncharacteristic silence.  But my strangely normal activity isn’t a commentary on the predictability of being unpredictable.  I knew that every moment of silence would increase the payload when I finally sprang my plan into action.

Ah, I do believe Fluttershy’s house is coming into view.  And it is right next to the Everfree Forest.  How... convenient.

To work!  To work!  I resisted the urge to laugh.

“WAIT!” I cried out.  “STOP, STOP STOP STOP!”

Twilight turned around to face me, making no attempt to hide her frustration.  Fluttershy was behind me, so I couldn’t see her, but I knew that she wouldn’t stop me.

“I can’t hold this in any longer!” I cried.  “I have to say something before I burst!”

Twilight’s anger almost entirely disappeared, replaced with shock and cautious concern.

“What is it, Discord?” she asked.

“Alright, alright, you caught me!” I cried, much to her confusion.  “I tried to keep it hidden, but I just can’t anymore!  You’re the most beautiful mare I have ever laid eyes on in my long, loooooong life, Twilight!”  I shed some fake tears.

Twilight was completely dumbstruck, her expression blank.

“There, I said it!  I didn’t want this to interfere with our relationship, but you left me no choice!”  I buried my face in my hands, and only then allowed myself a small grin.

Twilight started making hilarious gurgling noises as she stared at me like she was in a trance.

I pulled my head out of my hands and looked up cheerfully.  “Bye now!” I declared.  And then I turned around and started running as fast as I could force my back legs to carry me, straight toward the tree line.

It only took Twilight a few seconds to recover.

“DISCOOOOOOOOOOORD!” she bellowed, so loud that she would give the royal Canterlot voice a run for its money.

I looked back to see if she was chasing me.

She was still standing exactly where she had been.

What I had not expected was for her mane to be on fire.

Uh oh!  Ouch!

Okay, that hurt a little more than I expected.

I was so startled by Twilight’s appearance that I actually tripped and skid in the grass.  And, ow, my elbows are stinging right now.  Oh chaos, how I wish my magic was still with me!  I would magic away this stinging sensation, but I can’t!  These ponies will pay for its loss!

Despite my pleasure at my plan working, my rage is finally starting to boil out.  Celestia has the audacity to attempt to control me?  To take my powers away?  To force me to have to do things the hard way?  I have been too merciful in the past.

My face is contorting up in fury.  While a little bit of fury is fine, I can’t let it consume me.  I fight to get control of myself, and then turn around once more.  Twilight isn’t on fire any more, but she isn’t following even now.

I resumed running toward the trees, ecstatic that I wasn’t being followed.  Yeah, that’s right, Elements of Harmony, that’s right Princess!  You thought you had this in the bag?  I WIN.

The fact that you still have my magic is just something I’ll have to address later.

...

OH, WHO AM I KIDDING?  HOW IN THE WIDE, WIDE WORLD OF EQUESTRIA AM I GOING TO DO THIS?





“Twilight!” cried Fluttershy, the urgency of the situation giving her the bravery to speak to her enraged friend.  “He’s getting away!  We have to do something!”

“No!” cried Twilight.  “We don’t, actually!”

“But he’s heading into the Everfree Forest!”

“Let him!”

“But he doesn’t have any of his powers, and it’s dangerous in there!” insisted Fluttershy.

“Good!  It will be good for him!”

“Good for him?” cried Fluttershy in shock.

“Yes!  It will give him a taste of what life is like when you can’t just solve all of your problems with a snap!” shouted Twilight.

“But he could get seriously injured!”

“He would deserve it!” shouted Twilight.  “I can’t believe he- he tricked me with... with such a gargantuan lie, of- of all things!”

“But...”

“Mark my words, Fluttershy.  By tomorrow, Discord will come crawling back, begging us to forgive him.  If he’s lucky, I might even consider it.”

“Well... I guess so...”

“Come on.  Let’s go back and-“

Fluttershy looked at Twilight in confusion as she cut off her speech.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, concern.

“Let’s tell the others,” Twilight continued uneasily.  “But...  Can you promise me that you won’t mention... that stuff he said right before he ran off?”

Fluttershy gave Twilight a surprised look, but said nothing more other than a quick, “Okay.”





Ah, the Everfree forest!  So dark!  So gloomy!  So hostile...  So... unwelcoming.

It’s making me very uncomfortable how my lack of power has changed my perceptions so drastically.

What am I going to do if I get jumped by a bugbear or something?  As painful as it is to admit... I’m just a tad bit helpless without my magic.

What am I going to do now, genius?  What’s the plan?

The plan is to pull myself together and stop fretting over the loss of my magic and figure out what I can do, of course!

Alright, so what can I do?

...

I’m drawing a blank here.

That’s not good.

Oh, come on!  This is pathetic!  I have the greatest, most spontaneous mind in the world!  There have always been ten thousand different ways to deal with any situation ever, and now I can’t even think of a single one?  How is that possible?

Well, admittedly, all ten thousand of those different ways involved the use of magic.

But that doesn’t matter.  There must be something I can do!

...

Nope, still nothing.

What is that stench?

Who cares?  I have far too much strength of will to be disturbed by such a thing as the sensation of smell.

It smells really bad.

Yeah, it really does.  By chaos, what is making that smell?

I looked down and realized that there was a family of jackalopes cowering in a burrow at my feet.

Well well, would you look at that?  My magic may be gone, but my legacy remains in the form of my works.

‘Is it you little guys that stink so bad?’ I wonder, leaning down to see if the smell would get stronger.

It didn’t.

“Where is that smell coming from?” I cry out in frustration.

Suddenly, I hear growling behind me.

Ah.  Now I know exactly where that smell is coming from.  One of the more... violent inhabitance of this forest.

Timberwolves are totally not my fault.  I’ll take credit for a bunch of other things in this forest, but timberwolves are exclusively the responsibility of the spirits that like to inhabit and animate piles of wood and pretend like they’re alive when they’re really not.

“Ahhh...  I sensed your presence before you arrived...” I told the timberwolf smartly.  “What did you eat?” I shouted.

If anything, this angered the wooden construct and it drew closer, growling more intensely now.

Uh oh.  How am I going to deal with this thing?

“Oh come on!” I cried at it.  “You think that’s scary?  This is scary!”

I made a face at it.

Without my magic to enhance the effect, I feel certain I 'm making myself look like an idiot.

The timberwolf started to walk around me, counter-clockwise.

At least, counter-clockwise on normal pony’s clocks.

“You’re hesitating, you stupid timberwolf.  You know better than to attack the spirit of chaos, don’t y-“

“ARGH!” I screamed as the abomination leapt on me.

I’m still much bigger than it is, so for the moment, I have the advantage.  I try to snap the twigs in one of its legs, but to my horror, they don’t even crack.

If I survive this, I really have to start exercising or something.  And it’s going to suck.  And I’ll make sure that the ponies responsible for this mess pay.

Even my claws don’t really seem to bother the timberwolf much.  I’m scratching it up pretty bad, but I don’t think it even cares.

Think, Discord!  There has got to be something you can do!  What resources are available to you?

I’m keeping the timberwolf at bay while I think, not allowing it to distract me.

Item one:  One pathetically weak (at least physically) Draconequus.

That’s no good.  There’s has got to be something around here I can use.

Um, well, there’s some sticks on the ground.

That I can’t get to because I’ve got a blasted Timberwolf trying to bite my hands off, you dummy!

Alright, alright, I can’t use those.  I am my only feasible asset.

Come on, think, Discord, think!

Suddenly, a particularly nasty puff of timberwolf breath gets in my face.

Oh chaos, that has to be the most disgusting thing I’ve smelled in over a thousand years.

Come on!  Why is this bothering me so much!  Sticks may break my bones (especially when they are alive and bloodthirsty), but words cannot hurt me, and neither can tastes or sights or smells!

Ugh.  Unfortunately, my insides don’t seem to agree with my brain...

Wait a moment...

Item two, a resource available to anypony whether they are deprived of their magic or not:

Acid.

So, yeah, I just did that...  

But on a related note, the timberwolf is yipping like it’s on fire.  It might as well be.

Also, my paw is stinging like crazy.

I put aside the pain in my paw to watch as the Timberwolf ran in wild zig zags before finally it abruptly fell apart, releasing the sinister spirit that inhabited it into the air, loathed to remain inside the anguished form of the timerberwolf.  It dispersed, but I knew it would probably find a new body of twigs to animate soon enough.

“Hahahahahahahahaha!” I laughed at the pile of sticks.  “You thought you would be a match for me?  Do you not know who I am!  I went easy on you, and you still failed spectacularly!”

Suddenly I start hearing other noises, down near my feet.  I look down in surprise.

The jackalopes are dancing at my feet in happiness, chattering away their thanks.  I don’t understand their language or anything, but somehow, it’s obvious that that is what they are doing.

“Yes yes,” I say to them in slight annoyance.  “Big bad Discord is the greatest.  Now then, I have things to do, places to be, plans to plot-“

One of them tugged at my leg persistently, drawing my attention.  Once it had it, it sat back on its hind legs and started chattering away, making wild gestures with its front paws.  I squint at it, trying to make sense of what it is trying to say to me.

“You want me to come with you?” I asked.

The creature nodded eagerly.

I start to consider whether this is even worth my time, but before I can get very far, the critter launches into another tirade.

“You know a place where I can stay safe from more monsters?”

Another nod.

Huh.  Shelter.  That is a thing that critters need, isn’t it?  And ponies.  And a magicless draconequus, I suppose.

This whole ‘surviving in the wilderness on your own without magic’ thing is looking like it might be a bit harder than I thought.

“And...”

I stopped as I tried to translate the horned rabbit’s chattering.

“Food too?”

I just realized how hungry I am at the moment.  My earlier actions probably didn’t help in that regard.  That’s not a problem, I’ll just summon up some-

Oh.  Right.  Can’t do that either.

...But why should I even listen to these rodents anyway?

And then the jackalope’s mouth went off again, chattering away.  I didn’t really get what he was trying to convey until all of them suddenly started bowing at me, giving me chatters of thanks, and basically saying that they'll do whatever I want because they owe me.

And then, I broke into a grin.

Alright, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, and all the rest of you too.  You have your friends, you say?

Pfff.  I have minions.

> The Beginnings of a Plan
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why are you stopping?” I ask my furry guides in confusion.  “I thought we were actually going somewhere safe.  This looks the same as everywhere else.”

The leader of the bunch chatters back to me in answer, but I don’t really understand, so I just shrug at him.

He’s pulling on my leg.  I guess I’ll humor him.

He seems to be really interested in this gnarly tree on this hill side.

Looks like a boring old tree to me.  They had better not expect me to crawl inside of a hollow or something.

Oh.  The critter isn’t pointing at the tree, he’s pointing at something on the ground beside the roots of the tree, which are partially above the ground.

There’s a hole.

Another burrow?

“You do realize that I am much too large to fit in there, right?” I ask the jackalope cluster bemusedly.

The leader shakes his head, and then hops to the edge of the hole, and then squeaks some nonsense down into it.

The resulting noise isn’t quite what I expected.  It sounds almost as though he had squeaked into a hollow jug, only more so.

I look down into the hole with renewed interest.

To my great annoyance, the sun is blocked by my own head and I can’t see anything.

After trying a couple of different positions, I’ve found a way to look into the hole and still have a sliver of light shine through it.

This hole is much deeper than I thought.  And, much to my surprise, the bottom isn’t dirt.  It looks like stone.  And it’s strangely clean.

“Okay,” I say to the jackalopes.  “But how am I supposed to get in there?”

The spokesrabbit of the group suddenly puts both of his paws out in front of them and shakes them once, a clear sign that he wants me to wait.  And then he turns to the rest of his family and chatters some nonsense.

Oh.  Huh.  Now they’re all digging into the side of the hill.  With their bare paws.

Good grief!  For such tiny little things, they’re cutting through fast.  They’re piling up excess dirt in a neat little pile.

Suddenly, one of them stops working and says something to me.

Umm...  What is he saying...

Is... she, I think this one is a she, asking if I can fit through the doorway that they’ve made?

Well, of course I can’t!  Any rabbit should plainly be able to see what a tight squeeze that will be if I try that!  I don’t mind getting dirty, but really, what’s wrong with just expanding the hole some more?

I look at the critter and prepare to tell it exactly what I think.

For some reason, I hesitate.

She looks a little tired.  Obviously, she would rather not have to work any harder than necessary.

I hear you, girl.  This physical exertion business is for the birds.

That’s just a little expression I picked up from the ponies.  It doesn’t really make much sense.

Which is obviously why I adopted it.

You know what?  I can work with this.  Getting a little dirty isn’t a problem for me, unlike some ponies.  There’s no point in wearing my little workers out.  As annoying as it is, their energy isn’t boundless, and neither is mine, and we’re going to need all the strength we can spare.

Chaos, when did I become such a conservationist?

Oh, right.  When I lost my endless supply of power.

Curse those ponies.

“Yeah, that’s enough,” I tell the jackalopes.  “Move out of the way.”

They obey right away.

I stare at the hole and sigh.

This is the sort of thing I unconsciously agreed to go through when I ran off like that.

I honestly had no idea at the time.

And this is almost certainly just the beginning.

I’m putting this off, aren’t I?

Alright, alright, I’m going.  Here we go…

Oh, perfect, I’ve got dirt getting under my claws.

I’ll worry about that later.

Hmm.  And it would appear that I underestimated the difficulty.  I actually slipped through like a snake, with only minor difficulty.

I raise my fingers and-

Oh.  Was I really about to snap my claws clean?

Yes, I was.  This shouldn’t be embarrassing!  My magic is supposed to be a principal component of my lifestyle!  It’s a routine that shouldn’t have ever been disrupted in the first place, and now I’m acting as though my old habits are something to be ashamed of!

Although, I seriously do need to stop doing that.  I’m making myself look like an idiot.

Fortunately, I’m able to smoothly transition from almost snapping to picking the dirt out with my other hand.

I think I got the worst of it.

Alright, enough of that.  Let’s see what I’ve literally gotten myself into.  I look up and get a look at the chamber I’m now in.

Whoa.

Who knew that these critters had such civility?

The first thing that I’ve noted is that they’ve got rabbit sized furniture.  Little chairs and tables made of woven tiny twigs.

What.

They’ve even got these large woven trays, each filled with different bits of plant matter.  Roots, nuts, some sort of leafy greens…

I guess that’s lunch.

Come to think of it, it’s a good thing that I can eat pretty much anything ever.

I’m honestly not looking forward to it though.

Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself, Discord!  You have far more important things to be worrying about than meals that aren’t loaded with sugary flavors.  It’s just one more reason the ponies will pay.

Wait a second.  What’s this that they’re doing now?

They’re… sweeping the floor.

With leaves.

Okay, so they’re just going to sweep all the dirt into the walls and leave it there.  I mean, the walls are literally made of dirt anyway, who cares, right?

The floor is actually what appears to be a slab of orange-grey rock, as opposed to the dirt walls, which apparently are supported by roots from that tree up there.  They’re sticking through the wall in several places.

The floor is actually pretty clean now.

I detest cleanliness.

“Look, you guys don’t have to sweep up for my benefit,” I say.   “I honestly don’t care in the slightest.”

Well, I do care, but whatever.  I’m not that hung up about it.

A couple of them say something back to me, but I have no idea what they are trying to say.

Of course, I didn’t like having dirt in my claws either.  I don’t know what I like.  I’m just going to stop caring now.

I can’t help but notice that this ‘room’ goes back rather a ways.  I have no idea how far back it goes.  What little light there is from the holes in the ceiling and wall doesn’t reach back that far.

One of the jackalopes chatters a warning at me, and I realize that they’re about to seal the makeshift doorway.

I guess it can’t be helped, can it?  I don’t want uninvited guests showing up.  Not that they would be much of a problem, but I don’t want to have to deal with them right now.

I nod and they get to work again, putting the dirt back where it came from and sealing us all inside this cavity in a hillside in the middle of nowhere in the Everfree Forest.

It’s even darker in here than before.  The only light is what little pours through the small gaps in the ceiling.

And, as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t want to move around now.  I might flatten something.

One of my minions is asking me if I’m alright.

I’m feeling pretty uncomfortable at the moment, actually.

Can’t imagine why though.  I’m not scared of the dark.

Some ponies are scared of the dark.  I think it’s because they’re scared of something that they can’t see jumping out at them.

Those fears are perfectly justified, of course.  Usually, it’s me doing the scaring.  At least, in my own experiences.

But around here, there’s definitely nothing to be scared of.

...  There is nothing to be scared of, right?

Of course not, this is my minions’ home, for chaos’s sake!

Why does that give me such confidence?

Well, because they would be idiots to entrench themselves here if it wasn’t completely secure!

I have to know for sure.

“Hey, there’s nothing… dangerous back there, is there?” I ask, thumbing toward the far end of the room.

None of them answer at first, but they’re giving me nervous looks.

I should have known.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!” I cry.  “Is there something else living in here with you?”

One of them shakes his head hastily.

“Well, what’s over there then?” I insist, frustrated.

The critter starts making wide gestures with its arms.

“There’s giant fish?” I ask.

The jackalope crosses his arms and stomps before flinging his arms outward.  And now he’s repeating the gesture again.  And now he’s pointing all over the room.

Oh, hang on a second, is he pointing at the room?

“There’s another chamber?” I suggest.  He nods.  “And it’s even bigger than this one?”

The jackalope nods, and then spreads his arms apart again, as far apart as he can make them get.

“It’s huge?”

Another nod.

“Do you ever go down there?”

It shakes its head, and then shivers.

“You’re scared to?”

Another nod.

Somehow, I actually understand why the critter feels that way.  Just looking over there is giving me a funny feeling.

It’s not something I can sense with any of the usual five senses.

It feels like…

Triangles.

What in Equestria?

...

HOLD ON A MOMENT NOW.

Holy chaos, I was right!  It’s not coming from my five senses at all.  It’s coming from my sixth sense!

Suddenly I know exactly what this feeling is.

Magic.

Ha!  HAHAHAHAHA!  I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on this sooner!

Oh, I’m so happy!  Even though they took away all of my magic, they couldn’t take this away from me!

I can still sense the magic around me, regardless of what form it takes!

I’m so excited!  I can’t believe I haven’t noticed until now!  It’s just been something I’ve been used to for so long, I’ve been taking it for granted this entire time, and I didn’t even realize it was still there this whole time!

I can feel the magic in the air around me!  I can feel it in the trees outside!  I can feel it in the jackalopes!  And I can feel it-

Whoa.

Now that I’m taking the time to take a closer look...

That area where this giant cavern is supposed to be has a lot of magic, admittedly hidden away quite a fair ways, and pretty deep  down underground too.

But that’s not just any kind of magic down there.

I just can’t believe what I’m sensing right now.

I swear, if I didn’t know better, I would say that it feels like primordial magic.  And I don't know better.

That’s the stuff that was floating around Equestria before it was Equestria!  Back when the world was brand new!

...  How do I know that?

Oh dear.  I don’t remember.  I’m pretty sure that particular piece of information is definitely older than two thousand years, and unfortunately anything older than that starts to get pretty fuzzy for me.

How in Equestria is there honest to chaos primordial magic still in the world today?  That’s inconceivable!  That particular brand of magic doesn’t last long in the world, by its very nature!  It naturally combines with itself in all kinds of unpredictable ways, potentially forming just about any and all forms of magic in existence!  Well, other than chaos magic, anyway.  That’s a special case.  But that’s not the point!  The point is that it should have melded together into some other form of magic a looooong time ago!

Although, I suppose, if it were to still exist somewhere, some place underground where it is cut off from outside stimulous would be the most likely place for it to survive, as unlikely as it still is.

Of course, primordial magic is useless in its basic form.  It has to be refined into greater complexity in order to actually be useful, but then it isn’t primordial magic any more.  It becomes other forms of magic.  If you refine it for long enough, you get the stuff that carries real power.  Like unicorn magic.  Or pegasus magic and earth pony magic.  Or gryphon magic, or dragon magic, or even apple magic.

Why, even the tree of harmony has a giant hole in the fabric of space right in the middle of it where harmony magic just gushes forth into the world in an endless torrent.

Good thing I’m not particularly close to it right now.

But while highly refined forms of magic tend to be found in living things, there is no way a node of primordial magic would be.  I’m almost certain that this one here is just a free floating gap into the ether.  If I could just get my fingers on that thing, I might be able to actually figure out some way to ‘assemble’ different kinds of magic to suit my needs.  It would be at a trickle rate, of course.  I mean, I’ve never had a reason to before, but now-

...

I just figured out what I’m going to do today.

I’m actually feeling motivated now.  Focused.

I need this.  It might not be much, and it certainly won’t give me my powers back, but I am determined now.  I don't even have any idea how I'll even possibly harness it's energy yet.  That's a problem I'll figure out some other time.

Unfortunately, I can’t just go diving down there willy-nilly.  Not in the unfortunate state I find myself in now.

Its pitch black down there.  I can’t see a thing.

Bah!  That's not going to slow me down!  I may not be able to ignore that problem, but I'll get around it somehow!

I have a spelunking expedition to plan.

Which means I’m going to need tools.  A shovel, a chisel, a pickaxe, a kazoo, some light sources, bungee cords, and lots and lots of food, preferably something tasty...

Fortunately, the Everfree Forest is known for having an ample supply of such things.

Oh, yeah.  It’s not.  It’s known for being dangerous, of course.

Sigh.

I’m going to have to steal it.

As I’m plotting out possible ways to get into Ponyville unnoticed, I notice that the jackalopes are preparing lunch.

One of them is cracking a nut open.

With a diamond.

I wonder where he could have got that...

I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face.

Maybe I don’t have to steal everything.

Now, who do I know who might be willing to unknowingly become my dealer...?
> Stealing Knowledge
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	It was a quiet day in Ponyville.  Most of the residents were in fact completely unaware that Princess Celestia had briefly visited their town earlier that day.

And they were also completely unaware of the mischievous scheme being carried out beneath their metaphorical muzzles.

A lone pedestrian passed by an unusually tall, but otherwise inconspicuous bush on the roadside.  Once they were suitably far away, the bush suddenly sprang to life and made a mad dash down the road in the opposite direction.

It stopped in front of an enormously wide tree.  One with a door leading to the interior.

“Alright, here we are, and nopony suspects a thing!” whispered Discord’s voice from inside the bush.  “And the best part is, Twilight Sparkle and her draconic associate are clearly not home!  Now then, does everybunny understand what they’re supposed to do?”

There were a series of hushed squeaks.

“Good!  Alright, you two stick with me.  The rest of you, get going before somepony comes along!”

Suddenly, eight horned rabbits launched out of the bush and hopped away.

“And now my turn,” said Discord with a laugh.  He jumped out of the bush.

The bush immediately proceeded to sag to the ground.

Discord took the time to consider the bush before grabbing it and lifting it off of the ground, revealing two more jackalopes.

Discord propped the bush against the side of the tree.

It didn’t sag again, so he simply shrugged and motioned for the two jackalopes to follow.

He moved to the door of Golden Oaks Library, and then started rubbing his hands together.

“And now to take from dear Twilight Sparkle what she values most!” he declared sinisterly.  “Knowledge!”

He pushed the door open.  It was not locked.





“Thank you for your suggestions, girls,” said Twilight to her friends, all gathered at a table in Sugar Cube Corner.  “I’ll definitely be taking your thoughts into consideration.  Discord has no choice but to come back to us sooner or later, and a different approach may very well be necessary.  I still can’t believe he actually ran away from us...”

“So, you’re completely certain that that ruffian won’t be able to cause any trouble?” asked Rarity doubtfully.

“Not in any significant way,” answered Twilight.  “Without his powers, the worst that he can do is say something mean.  Or stupid.”

‘Really, really stupid,’ she thought privately.

“Yeah, but he was supposed to be our problem,” said Rainbow Dash.  “The princess asked us to take care of him, and now we don’t even know where he is?  What are we going to tell her?”

Twilight’s eyes flew wide open.

“We don’t need to tell her anything!” she cried hastily, earning herself looks from her friends.

“We should only resort to that if we have no other choice!  Discord will be back tomorrow for sure.  Or, the next day at the very latest!  We don’t want to throw up the red flag because of every little setback!  We don't want to alarm the Princess over nothing!  We’ll have him back under control and she’ll never need to know that we had this incident in the first place!”

“Ah hope yer right, Twi,” said Applejack doubtfully.  “I reckon that without his magic, the worst that might happen is he’ll make himself out to be a delinquent fool.”

“You don’t think he might hurt somepony, do you?” asked Fluttershy fearfully.

Twilight shook her head.

“Discord may be many bad things, but I just can’t see him doing something like that.  At least, not physically.  Violence has never been his way.”

Twilight let out a sigh.

“I’ll give him one day.  Just one day, to think about all that he has done.  After that, if he doesn’t come crawling back on his own accord, we’ll go out and get him ourselves.

“Therefore,” she continued, “I suggest that we all go home now and let off as much of this stress as we can.  Just in case we do wind up having to go and get him.  We’ll want to be well rested.  Let’s all just... just relax and forget about Discord for just one day.”

“Well, alright sugarcube,” answered Applejack.  “Just promise that you’ll let us all know the second something happens.”

“Of course,” answered Twilight.

The six friends said their goodbyes, and then one by one exited the bakery, with one exception.

“Goodbye, Twilight,” said Pinkie Pie cheerfully as the last of her friends left.

She watched as the front door closed.

As an afterthought, she ran to it and threw it open and stuck her head out, apparently stretching her neck as she did so.

“And don’t worry!” she cried out after the bookworm.  “We’ll have that meanie back here in no time!”

She let the door close again and bounced away.

As she left the dining area and entered the kitchen, she froze in mid-bounce at a most unexpected sight.

Two boxed cakes were making a run for the back door.

She let out an enormous gasp and the cake boxes stopped moving.

Eight jackalopes peered out from under the boxes and gazed at her fearfully.

“What are you cute furry little guys doing?” she cried out.  “You can’t just take things that aren’t yours without paying for it!”

Each of the critters’ eyes seemed to enlarge and threaten to fill with tears.

Pinkie’s stern gaze fell apart almost immediately.

“Awww,” she declared, her tone suddenly sympathetic.  “It’s okay.  You critters must be hungry!  I would have let you have them if you had just asked...  So, I’ll tell you what.  You can have them!

“But only this ONE time!” she finished strictly.  “Next time, you have to ask permission first!”

The jackalopes broke out into smiles and jumped toward her hooves, kissing them in thanks.

“Hey!  That tickles!” cried Pinkie cheerfully.

Suddenly, the creatures returned to the cake boxes and picked them up again before dashing away through the door.

Their sudden disappearance disappointed the pink mare somewhat.

“I didn’t know that there are jackalopes living in Ponyville...” she said to herself.  “I wonder if Fluttershy knows where they came from.”





Rarity sighed in exasperation as she neared her home.

The recent incident truly was causing her an incredible amount of stress.

“Pull yourself together, Rarity,” she muttered to herself.  “Now isn’t the time to be worrying about Discord.  You’ll just have to worry about him when there is something that you can actually do to help.  Now, forget about that ridiculous draconequus and find something to help you relax!”

She finished talking to herself just as she reached the front door to her home.

And then she saw the box.

It was sitting on the ground beside her door.  It was about a half a meter wide in every dimension.

There was no packaging information on it.

“What in the world?” she said quietly.

She tried popping the lid open, but found that it was not such an easy task.

On closer inspection, right sides of each of the four flaps were tucked under the left sides of the flaps to their right, keeping the box sealed.

She put some force into her magic, and the box suddenly popped open.

And she gasped at was inside.

Gems.

A huge pile of gems, every color of the rainbow.

Also, there was a note sitting on top of it all.

Rarity was dumbfounded.  She could not even begin to fathom who might have sent her a box such as this.  Unless it came from Spike...  But that seemed somewhat unlikely.  He would certainly devour a portion of such a hoard himself.  Not to mention, while he might be willing to dig all of this up just for her, he would not have been able to easily find the time to do so, or even know where to look to find them.

‘I suppose the only way to find out what this is about is to read this note,’ she decided.

She picked it up in her magic and brought it in front of her to get a good look at it.

Before she even began to read it, she grimaced.  The penmanship of whoever wrote it was, frankly, atrocious.

Which immediately ruled out Spike.

She read the note.

My name is Rhombus.  I have recently moved to the town of Ponyville in order to establish a mining enterprise.

I learned from a friend of yours that you have use of these gemstones.  I have a business proposition.  I will trade the gemstones for supplies that I do not have the ability to otherwise obtain, which will in turn increase my ability to acquire more gemstones.

If you are willing, I require a shovel and pickaxe, a chisel, a kazoo, a couple of lamps, six bottles suitable for storing liquids, and four bungee cords in return for these gemstones in this box.  I’ll get them some time tomorrow.

Rarity could barely believe the strange note.

This ‘Rhombus’ pony was basically asking her to do his shopping for him.

‘He must have a good reason for asking this of me,’ Rarity decided.  ‘Maybe his job interferes for some reason.  Or maybe he’s just doesn’t like to go out in public.  And, if nothing else, somepony recommended me to him!’

‘I’d hate to let whoever that pony was down…’

And, if this pony is as good as his word, she could have an exertion-free source of gemstones, and all she would have to do is fetch a few odd items.

Suddenly, Rarity burst out laughing at the absurdity of the proposition.

“As peculiar as this is... why not?” she declared.  “I can give this a try.  This pony is new in town, after all, and it is a good time to be generous.  If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out!”

“Of course, this is far too many gems to pay for the items requested.  I’ll be certain to give the stallion a sizable portion of this back.  I just can’t accept the whole box!”

“Why, I’ve just thought of a wonderful idea!  Why don’t I throw in something special as a surprise!  I’ll simply call it a housewarming gift!  So, based on what little I know about this stallion, what could that gift be?..."





“Welcome home, Spike!” said Twilight as she opened the door to the Golden Oaks Library.

And then she took a look inside and gasped.

“Spike!” she cried in alarm.  “What happened here?”

Spike considered for a moment.

“It looks like somepony came and browsed the library while we were gone,” he decided.  “Somepony who didn’t have the decency to clean up afterward.”

He let out a slow sigh.

“But who would do something like this?” cried Twilight, clearly upset.  “Everypony knows that the library is closed at night and when I’m away!”

“Well, we don’t exactly lock the doors either,” Spike pointed out.

“What if- what if it was- No, no.  That’s absurd.”

Spike gave Twilight a confused look as she shook her head.

“Could you do me a favor, Spike?” she said.

“Of course, whatever you need!”

“Would you please check the check-out index and figure out if there are any books unaccounted for?  I need to do something really quick.”

“Sure thing,” he answered.  “Shouldn’t take me but a few minutes.”

“Thanks, Spike.  You’re a life saver.”

Twilight tried her best to ignore the horrible disorganization of the library and headed upstairs, into her room.

She closed the door behind her and then began rubbing at her eyes with a hoof.

“Oh, goodness,” she sighed.  “What a day.  I need to relax.  Just for a few minutes.  And then I’ll go back downstairs and give Spike a-“

Twilight cut off her dialogue as she discovered that her bed was not as she left it.

There was a piece of paper on her pillow.

A chill ran down her spine.

She snatched it up in her magic and discovered that there was extremely badly penned writing on it.

Dearest Twilight,

Today I got eaten in the forest.  This is your fault.

Love, Discord

Twilight’s jaw dropped wide open.

She stammered for a few seconds.

“Oh my goodness, oh no, oh no no no no no no NO!  This can’t be!  Discord came snooping around in my house while I wasn’t home!”

Twilight reread the note.

Somehow, the full meaning of the words on the paper didn’t make themselves clear to her the first time.

It was obviously a lie.  It was so obvious.  What the note claimed was simply impossible.  It was clearly an attempt by Discord to confuse and anger her.

And it was working.

“Why that…  How dare he…”

There was a knock on her door.

Twilight stared back at the door in surprise.

She couldn’t let herself lose her temper with Spike in the house!

Nor could she tell him what exactly had happened.  Not just yet.  Not until she could figure everything out for herself.

She crumpled the piece of paper and threw it in her garbage can.

“Come in!” she forced herself to say.

The door opened and Spike came inside, holding a short list.

“Um, Twilight?” he said nervously.  “I have some bad news...”

“There’s books that are unaccounted for?” asked the librarian helplessly.

“Well... yes.  Four of them.”

“Four?  Which ones?”

She dreaded what Spike’s answer would be.

“Well, first of all, there’s the Colt Scout’s Handbook, thirty-first edition.”

‘What?’ thought Twilight in surprise.  That wasn’t exactly the sort of book she had expected Discord to be interested in.

Why would he want a book like that?

She tried to remember what exactly it contained.

‘Let’s see...  It contains lessons about serving one’s community, working together with groups, and information on how to survive in the wilderness.’

Realistically, Discord could have only been interested in the book for one of those things.

Even more alarms started to sound in Twilight’s head as she began to realize exactly what Discord was probably up to.

And that he might not exactly come clambering back to her like she had expected.

“O- okay, and what else?” she asked, masking her fear from her assistant.

“Second is a book called...  Bonny Rabbit and the Forbidden Garden?”

‘Huh?’ thought Twilight, once more thrown off by Discord’s apparent interest in literature.  ‘Why in Equestria would Discord steal a foal’s story?’

“And next?”

“Next is... Um...”

“What is it?” cried Twilight, who then cringed at her own urgency, but said nothing.

“You’re not going to like it...” Spike warned.  “The third missing book is... The History of Magic In Equestria, unabridged edition.”

Twilight felt this one was a personal blow.  That was one of her all-time favorite books in the entire library!

But, she had to admit, a more important question was what Discord wanted with that particular book.  It could be for any number of things.  The book was over a thousand pages long!

Eventually, she decided that his interest in the book must be out of desperation for some alternate method of regaining his powers.  It would be a fruitless endeavor, she was certain.  Princess Celestia had made it clear that there was no other way for Discord to receive his powers again other than for her to return them to him personally.  And she trusted the princess completely.

“And the fourth?”

“A book that was simply called Alchemy and Potions.”

‘What?’ thought Twilight once again, no longer surprised by her own... surprise.  ‘That seems oddly specific.’

Suddenly, a new line of thought crossed her mind.

And she felt the anxiety within her grow to something bordering terror.

“Thank you, Spike!” she hurriedly cried.  “Um, could you please tidy up that mess downstairs now?  I have some- things, I have things to do!  Important things!  Very important things!”

Spike gave Twilight a funny look.

“Are you sure?  Is everything alright, Twilight?”

“No, things aren’t alright!  I’ve- I’ve had a stressful day today!  And now I have to sit down and figure out what in the wide, wide world of Equestria we’re going to do with Discord!”

That at least was basically the truth.

Spike nodded his head.

“That makes sense,” he agreed.  “I’ll just be getting out of your mane then.”

Twilight didn’t answer as Spike closed the door.

The instant the door was closed, she cast a spell from her horn.  The spell would prevent anyone outside of her room from hearing the incoming panic attack she felt coming.

“Oh, this is bad!  This is bad!  I can’t believe I’ve underestimated Discord’s resourcefulness and ingenuity!  It’s bad enough that he stole all of those other books, but alchemy and potions?  Do you even realize what he might do with that book?” she shouted to nopony.

“Without magic, he’s completely helpless!  But the art of potion making is the art of bottling up and exploiting magic from external sources!  If he figures out how to make magic potions, there’s no telling what kind of trouble he’ll suddenly be able to stir up!”

“Calm down, calm down!” she cried.  “It’s not as bad as it seems!” she insisted, obviously trying to convince herself of the truth of this statement.  “What are the odds that Discord is planning on making magic potions?  Odds are, he just stole that book at random, just like that silly book about the rabbit!  And, even if he is planning something, ponies have an incomplete understanding of potion making, unlike the zebra tribes, who guard their knowledge with a passion.

“The plain and simple truth is that the ponies who wrote that book have almost no idea how alchemy actually works!  There is no educational material in that book, it’s just a very short list of known potion recipes that just happen to work because... because of reasons that we don’t even understand!

“And, come to think of it, all of those recipes are for potions that cure magical ills, or just beauty enhancement, or things like that!  There’s nothing malicious in there!  So, there is nothing to worry about!  Nothing at all!” she finished uneasily.

“I can’t believe Discord broke into my room!” she screamed.  “And left this- this idiotic note to taunt me!  ‘Today I got eaten’!  What in the heavens does that even mean!

“And to think I was actually feeling guilty about letting that pain of a draconequus wander into danger!  To think that I was stupid enough to worry about him hurting himself!

“And, TO THINK THAT I THOUGHT FOR THE SMALLEST FACTION OF A SECOND, THAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, HE HAD SOMEHOW DEVELOPED FEELINGS FOR ME!  That lying, scheming, selfish, egotistical, uncaring, cruel, FIEND!"

Twilight let out a screech that sounded like it might have come from a large bird instead.

“What in Equestria should I have expected?” she asked herself desperately.  “Discord has a millennia-long track record of toying with emotions for- for his own petty, sadistic pleasure!  Why should he care about ME?

“Well, I hope you’re happy, Discord!  You have officially driven me insane!”

Finally, she stopped to catch her breath.

“I...  oh dear, what am I going to tell the Princess?  I have to tell her what’s happened now, I just have to!  But...

“But not like this.  Not with me falling apart at my seams!  I...  I think I might be over-reacting!  Am I over-reacting?  I can’t even tell!  I think I am!  I need some time.  I need to relax.  That’s what I’ll do.  I’ll just have to do my best to forget about everything for tonight and worry about it in the morning...

“It’s just one night!” she insisted to herself.  “One night!  Equestria can take care of itself for just one night!  I’ll just settle in with my book and pull myself together and everything will make sense in the morning, and I’ll approach this in a logical, composed manner.”

Finally, Twilight let allowed her hysteric rant to end.  Without any more words, she threw herself onto her bed.  After a moment of hesitation, she levitated her book off of her end table and began to read.

Unbeknownst to Twilight, the very cause of her torment was not even a single meter away, separated from her only by a mattress and the frame of her bed, curled up in a rather uncomfortable position as he hoped to remain unnoticed in the silent night air, which was now pierced only by the sound of the occasional turning page.

‘Well, this is a fine mess I’ve gotten myself into...’

> A Secret In the Depths
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was an experience that I hope to never have ever again.

She stayed up for hours.

Even when Spike finally came in and went to sleep without a problem, and even after she put out the lights.

She wouldn’t stop twisting and turning in her bed.

And then, when it finally did happen, when she finally passed out, I realized that it didn’t even matter.

I could have risked sneaking out of her room after she finally managed to pass out.  Only, there was one very big problem.

I was scared of waking up Twilight, or Spike, who would certainly in turn wake Twilight.

Even though I’m pretty sure the odds of that actually happening are pretty low, I still wasn’t going to risk it.  Not when statue time is the penalty for failure.

Of course, Twilight’s reaction to my note was priceless.  And her ideas about potions were definitely something to seriously consider.

There’s nothing wrong with taking her advice if she didn’t know I was there.

I’m glad that I was able to get at least that much from this business.

I can’t believe that I let her trap me inside of her own room.  And, what makes it even worse is that she didn’t even know that she did it!

I’m definitely going to have to pay more attention to my surroundings from now on.  I was so busy writing that stupid note, I didn’t even sense Twilight’s return until I finished writing it, only to realize that she was already in the library.

I was already trapped from that very moment.  Leaving the way that I came in was out of the question, and the window was sealed.

I should have just smashed the window open, but for some stupid reason, I had it in my head to try to not leave my evidence of my presence.  As if she wouldn’t figure out that I had been there when she read my note!

And then I realized that Twilight was coming up to her room and I took the only remaining course of action left to me.  I hid under her bed.

Watching her freak out was great, of course, but it would have been much more enjoyable if I wasn’t so nervous about what would happen to me if I was discovered.

But it’s all over now.  I actually managed to sit through the entire night, and now Twilight has finally gone downstairs.

And now I’m considering smashing that window in.

And yet...

Ugh.  I hate to admit it, but breaking glass would be a really stupid idea.  She would probably hear it.

Oh, hello, what have we here?  What’s this little clasp thingy?

Oh.  So that’s how you open the window.

That’s really easy, actually.

Freedom, here I come!

Although I have one hand clutching stolen books, I’m able to slip out of the window and climb out onto a branch.

Should I bother closing the window again?

I can’t reach that clasp from the outside, so it won’t be possible to seal it like it was before.

Although, if I leave it wide open, Twilight might suspect that I came back again.

And this would be a problem, why?

Good point.  Why do I care, I’ll be far away from here by the time she notices.

I’m just going to leave it wide open.

As I crawl down the side of the library, I see that my minions are loyally waiting at the bottom.

As soon as I get close enough, one of them starts running its mouth!

“Zip it!” I quietly snap.  “Somepony might hear you!”

The jackalopes look stunned, but they don’t make any more noises.

I quietly sneak back to where my bush disguise is waiting for me.

And almost step on a box hidden inside.

I can smell sugar.

Of course!  I forgot about that!  Clearly, they were successful in the mission I had given them!

Now if only they had had the presence of mind to get the boxes back to the cave instead of hanging around here and worrying about me.

At least they joined me in  this bush without me having to specifically tell them to do so.

Alright, there’s nopony watching.  Let’s get far enough out of here that I can talk.

I pick up the bush around us once more and away we go.

I don’t need to go very far.  This is far enough.  I stop and set the bush down, and then turn toward the jackalopes.

“Alright, before I can leave Ponyville, we still need to see if Rarity actually came through with my ‘request’, and if she did, get the stuff and get out without her noticing.  But we can’t be hauling those boxes with us.  We’ll hide them somewhere and come back for them.”





“Alright, here we are,” I whisper.  “This is Carousel Boutique.  You,” I say as I point at the jackalope with the longest horns.  “You know what to look for, right?”

He nods.

“Excelent.  To work!”

He salutes and hops away.

The door to the shop opens ever so slightly as the critter sneaks inside.

So far so good.

And now, only about a minute later, it cracks open again.  And now here he is once more.

“So, does she have my stuff?”

He nods.

I feel a burst exhilaration at this.  I knew she would be too generous for her own good!  When the day finally comes when I reveal to Rarity about how she aided me in regaining my powers and taking over Equestria, it will be glorious!

Unfortunately, the mare was also currently on the premises, as I knew from my ability to sense her magic.

And there was also another magic signature.  One that I have no idea what it belongs to.  It seems familiar, but I just can’t seem to place my talon on it.

“I suppose the pony is wide awake?” I ask.

I get a nod in response.  But then he makes a strange gesture that I don’t understand.

I shrug at the critter.

He scratches his head for a second, and then bares his teeth at me and makes a hissing noise.

Before I have much opportunity to wonder what in the world has gotten into him, he points at the shop.

“Ahhhh...” I say.  “She has a cat, am I right?”

Another nod.

This is good news, actually.

“Do you think you could get its attention?”

The jackalopes all look terrified at this idea.  But he does finally nod his head again.

“Don’t worry, I think I have a plan.”

I take a look around, looking for anything that could be useful against a frenzied feline.

There is a wooden bucket sitting in the street not far from here.

I grab the bush again and make my way toward it.

When I get close enough, I stop, and then jump almost on top of it, enveloping it in foliage.

Just as I had hoped, it has water in it.

“This will do,” I tell the long horned one.

We scamper back to the boutique.

“Get that thing to make a lot of noise,” I say.  “When the pony comes running outside to try to calm it down, the rest of you get in there and get me what we came here for.  And I will be helping you, mister distraction, so have no fear.  Let’s get to it!”

The long horned jackalope is obviously still nervous, but he does as I say.  The door cracks open once again.

It remains quiet for only a moment longer.

Suddenly, I can hear the sound of the cat as it sounds like something stepped on its tail.

“Opal!” I hear Rarity cry out.

Suddenly, the door flies open and my faithful minion comes shooting out of the boutique, carrying a fuzzy green mouse toy, and the white kitty is in hot persuit.

“Opal!” shouted Rarity.  Before the door can close itself again, she runs through it and looks down the street, trying to locate her pet, and then looks down the opposite direction.

As planned, as soon as she ran after the sounds of her excited feline, the rest of my minions rush through the boutique door.

I just hope that they can work quickly.

Suddenly, long horns runs past me, coming back from where he ran off to.  The crazy cat is still chasing after him.

Rarity is somewhat further behind, but I can hear her yelling, “Opal, what has gotten into you?”

Aha!  Here comes my box of supplies!

They’ve managed to get it into the bush without being seen by anypony.  I don’t have time to look over the spoils yet, however.

Here comes my brave little fur ball again.

As he runs by, I slosh the bucket of water directly behind him.

Right onto that cat.

It saw the water coming a split second before it hit her, but she couldn’t avoid it.

Not that she didn’t try.  Made a feline screeching noise and somehow jumped in the air in a hysterical flip as she tried change the direction of her momentum, but the water simply fell onto her in mid-air, completely soaking her fluffy fur.

I am struggling to not burst out laughing right now!  The last thing I need is to be discovered!

The kitty sure does look a lot smaller now.

Ah, and here comes Lady Rarity, here to save the day!

“Opal!  Goodness gracious, what ever happened to you?” she cried in concern and confusion.

Opal meowed back miserably.

“Why, you poor, poor thing!” Rarity cried.  “Let’s get you dried up!”

And then, she put the soaking wet creature on her back, to my great surprise.  I was rather under the impression that that pony would do anything to avoid anything unpleasant happening to her coat.

I look down and see that long horns is back in the bush.

He’s still holding the toy mouse.  And looking quite pleased.

“Here,” I offer, holding out my paw to him.  “Let’s put it in the box and take it back with us.  As a trophy of victory.”

He does so.

Ah, what fun this was!  However, more importantly, I have everything that I need at last!  It’s time to retreat to the rabbit-hole and find me some magic!





Twilight was sitting in the library, anxiously awaiting a response to a very important letter.

That answer came very abruptly when the front door opened and none other than Princess Celestia herself stepped inside.

“Princess!” cried Twilight in shock.  “I...  I see that you received my letter!”

“I did,” answered Celestia, her tone grave.

There was an awkward silence.  Spike ceased bowing before the ruler of the country and spoke up.

“Can... can I get either of you some tea?”

The princess started to refuse, but then stammered and said, “Yes, that would help greatly.”

Spike raced into the kitchen, leaving Twilight alone with her mentor.

“Have you had any further contact with Discord after he fled?” asked Celestia.

“Yes, a little,” Twilight answered nervously.  She hadn’t put this information into her brief letter.  “He came to the library when I wasn’t here and stole several books and to leave a note to taunt me!”

“And even now, he roams free,” said Celestia solemnly.

“Princess, I don’t understand why Discord would do this!” cried Twilight.

“Discord loves one thing, and only one thing in this world,” answered Celestia angrily.  “His powers of chaos.  All thoughts that are unrelated to regaining it have no place in his mind.  He has no interest in what we have to teach him because he does not believe that it is worth his time.  And he hates being controlled more than anything.  He will not allow himself to play by any rules other than his own, even if it means that he must lose the one thing that he loves.”

“Princess, I...” Twilight trailed off and hesitated to continue.  Princess Celestia gave her a look, asking her to finish her thought.

“I think we might have made a terrible mistake by separating Discord from his powers...”

“What would you have me do, Twilight?” asked Celestia wearily.  “His anger burns hot, and if we return his power to him now, I have no doubt in my mind that he would use it to destroy us all.”

“But what if we never took it away in the first place?” Twilight insisted.  “We could have still kept him in line with the elements!  If we didn’t take away the thing that he loves most, he wouldn’t have run away from us!”

“I appreciate the confidence that you have in yourself, and in your friends.  And even... in Discord himself.  You might even be completely correct,” Celestia admitted.  “But I was the one who made this decision that has now backfired.  All of the blame for whatever befalls now is mine.”

“But that’s not true!” cried Twilight.

“It is true,” insisted Celestia.  “And Discord knows it.  And he’s smart enough to know that you and your friends are innocent in this matter.  He may taunt you, and scare you, but you are not the victim of his wrath.”

Celestia hung her head.

“I am.”

“Princess...”

“Twilight, I need you to understand this: if I personally confront Discord, any hope we have of reforming him is doomed.”

“But if we just give him back his powers, maybe-“

“I can’t!” cried Celestia abrubtly.

Twilight’s eyes shot wide open.  “What?  But why not?”

“Because,” Celestia cried, “like Discord himself, chaos magic does not like to be controlled!  Soon after I removed it from Discord, his magic forced itself out of the vessel that I placed it within, despite all of the magic that I placed upon it to prevent it from happening!”

“Do you mean to say that Discord’s magic is going to find him again?”

“Twilight, calm down!  No, despite what I have just told you, I have managed to keep his magic contained!”

“But how?  You just told me that you were unable to contain it!”

Celestia let out a long sigh.

“Technically, suppression of Discord’s magic is impossible.  However, I have found that I have much more success with less forceful methods of containment.  I have... made it comfortable in the environment that I have provided for it, and… ‘encouraged’ it to stay put.

“However, there is nothing to stop Discord from reclaiming his power, should he somehow break the magic seals that lead to it.  If he learns of this, it could be disastrous.”

“I see…” said Twilight.  “So, what do we do then?”

“We will do nothing,” answered Celestia.

“Nothing?”

“If Discord is come to his senses, he must make that decision for himself, without influence from others.  If we attempt to interfere, he will automatically turn away from what is right.  I do not cherish the thought of Discord running lose, but if he wants to remain unfound, he will have no choice but to not cause trouble.  Until he does, I can do nothing.”

“But there must be some way for me to help!”

“You can help by living out your life as though nothing is amiss.  Discord wants to cause chaos, wants you to disrupt your life in order to focus on him.  Don’t let that happen.”





“What is this?”

Sitting in the light of one of my two new lamps, I behold the object in my hands in complete surprise.

“I didn’t ask her for this!”

I’m holding a fedora.

Why am I holding a fedora?

It’s black with a red ribbon tied around the base.

When I flip it over, I discover something even stranger.

The inside is hard.  And there are rivets all along the edges.

What I am in fact holding is nothing less than a fedora bolted to a hard-hat.

‘Of course,’ I realize.  ‘She think’s I mine rocks for a career!  She threw this in to protect my skull.’

My skull doesn’t need protecting.

Still...

I have to admit.  Despite the other numerous flaws that that pony has, she does have an excellent fashion sense.

I’ll keep this little hat.  I’ll wear it when I finally decide to show myself.

“Anybunny else hungry?” I ask, looking around at the jackalopes around me in the burrow.  “I’m starving.  Let’s tear into those cakes.”

I don’t even care that I don’t have a plate or any utensils whatsoever.  I’ll just grab a piece and eat it from my claw.

...

This is the best cake I have ever had...

WHY IS THIS SO GOOD?

There’s no way that this can be superior to my own technically perfect confectionary fabrications.

Actually, now that I stop and think, I don’t even remember the last time I ate anything that was prepared by a pony.

There’s very faint traces of magic in this cake.  I have no idea what it is, but it must be responsible.  There is no other explanation.

It’s probably not dangerous, though.  After all, the pony who made it didn’t know I would be the one to eat it.

Oh, is my cake slice gone already?

Maybe I’ll just have another…

NO!  You don’t want to wind up like Celestia!  Forget about sweets for a few minutes and get on with the whole finding magic thing!

And I don’t want any fur balls following me.

I want this moment to be mine, and mine alone.

There is a lot of junk to carry down there with me.  I’ll just have to tie it all to my body with the bungee cords.





“It’s time,” I declare, drawing the attention of the jackalopes.  “I’m going down there now.  I’ll be back soon.  Probably.  I don’t want you following me.”

They chatter something to me.

“Yeah, yeah.  I’ll be fine.  Just make sure that there’s someone here waiting for me when I come back.”

I turn the knob on the lantern tied to my waist.  I decided to leave the other one with fuzzy ones.  I can’t carry it along with everything else I’m hauling already.  My lantern starts giving off a fairly bright glow.

And away I go.

The passageway almost immediately starts sloping down as I leave the burrow behind.  Already I am surrounded by solid stone in every direction.  And my feet are complaining a little bit.

But I ignore that.  That doesn’t matter right now.

Suddenly, I step out of the passage and I am surrounded by darkness in all directions, despite the light of the lantern.

I grab the kazoo which is strung around my neck and bring it up to my mouth and blow into it.

The buzzing noise echoes all around me.  After it fades away, there is complete silence, except for a steady dripping noise.  There is a drip about once every fifteen seconds.

Well, if there was anything alive down here, it would have done something.  Probably.

I turn the light up some more, trying to see my surroundings.

The chamber that I am standing in is huge.

There is a pool of stagnant water nearby.  And there are ripples appearing on its surface in sync with the dripping noise.

I look up and strain my eyes at the ceiling, several dozen feet above.

The ceiling is quite thoroughly pocked in one direction.  However, there is a smooth, round area where it looks like whatever used to be there fell down.

In the middle of this smooth area is a huge crack that seems to run the entire length of the room.  Or, at least, it goes for as far as I can see.

The drips of water seem to actually be originating from a particular spot in that crack.

There must be water actually making its way from the forest all the way down here.  All through that one crack in the rocks.

How fascinating...

I press onward, but I don’t get very far before my light reveals something that simply demands my attention.

BACON.

I shake my head.  What in the world is wrong with me?  And what is it about that gryphonic dish that I had over a thousand years ago that made it stick in my mind?

It looks more like curtains, really.

The giant rock formation really does look like that.  Really, really tall curtains.

And behind the curtains lies a precious treasure.

And so I continue onward again, into the passage at the base of the giant formation.

There are stalactites lining one side of this new passage.

That group of them right there looks pretty cool, I guess.

...

Hang on a second, back up.  Let’s get a look at them again!

I give the stalactites another glance.  They are all lined up neatly in a row, and they go from biggest to smallest in an unbroken sequence.

Suddenly, a mad urge seizes me and I pick up a couple of loose, long rocks from the cave floor.

And I beat one of them against the largest stalactite.

It releases a delicious low tone.

And I start laughing like a maniac, beating these stupid rocks against them like a xylophone.

It’s a shame that there is nobody else here to listen to my musical genius.

This is fantastic!  Of course, I’ve heard far richer sounds from musical instruments of my own making, but there is something beautiful in the flaws of the sound that this natural phenomenon gives off.  It sounds glorious!

Or, at least, it did.

One of the stalactites just conked off because I whacked it too hard...

Darn it.

Note to self: Request a bottle of glue from Rarity.

Okay, enough fooling around.  The primal magic is close now.  I can feel it.  If I’m lucky, I won’t even have to dig to it.

Unfortunately, it looks like I will have to crawl down a pit though.

I can’t see the bottom.

I’m still holding the rocks I was using to play my natural xylophone.  Huh.  That’s convenient.

I drop one down the hole.  A few seconds later, I hear it hit the bottom.

I make a quick calculation in my head and then pull the one free bungee cord I have off of my shoulder and tie it to a big rock.

And then I grab the other end at vaguely the right spot.

And jump down the hole.

“Waahooo!”

I just got a glimpse of the ground at the bottom.

It looks awfully like the ground up at the top.

I let myself bounce a few times just for fun, and then hop off.

I’m really close to the magic now.

I can just taste it.

Or, whatever.  I don’t really know of a word to describe how I use my sixth sense.  Maybe I should make one up.

As I walk along, I’m day dreaming of the wonderful things I will do once I-

OH MY CHAOS, POPCORN.

I’m serious!  The wall here is all rough and bumpy and yellow and it totally looks like it’s made of popcorn!

“I hereby declare this the wall of popcorn rocks!” I say aloud.

Feeling very pleased with myself, I get back on track and continue forward once again.

The magic I came here for is in the next chamber.  I can feel it.

And I just passed into it.

And then, there was a powerful burst of magic.

I’m literally blinded for a moment as my eyes are unused to the intense light.

And now the light fades, revealing-

OH, CHAOS NO.  THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE.

“Discord.”

“Princess Celestia,” I hiss back, too confused to bother to think of an insult.  “And all six elements of harmony, armed with your accursed jewelry.  How in the great blue moon did you find me down here?”

“That’s easy.  I have predicted everything that you have done since your release.”

“That’s a lie!” I shout furiously.  “You can’t predict chaos!  Even I had no idea I would be coming here!”

“Your chaos is gone.”

“Nooooo, really?  And who has it, I wonder?”

“Nopony does.  It has been destroyed.”

Head spinning.  Thinking hurts now.

“WHAT?”

“When I learned that I could not control your magic, and that I cannot control you, I realized that you have now become useless to me.  And so I banished your magic from this world.  And now I am here to do the same to you.”

Despair.

“Fine.  You want to use the elements on me again?  I’m defenseless.  I have nothing now.  Nothing.  Why should I even care any more?”

...

...

“Wait!”

Shock overwhelms me.  I look up to stare at the pony who spoke.

Twilight Sparkle…

“Princess Celestia, we don’t have to do this!” Twilight cried.  “There’s nothing more that he can do to hurt anypony anymore!”

I gape at her.  Everything around me seems frozen as I gaze at her in complete and utter confusion.

What is she doing?!

In spite of everything, even though I don’t understand why she is doing this in the very slightest, I can’t help but feel something.

Just the smallest bit grateful. 

I don’t mind admitting it.  Not now.  It won’t matter in a moment anyway.

“Twilight Sparkle!” shouted Celestia.  “I am aware that I told you to gather together allies, but you need to learn to know a lost cause when you see one.  Use the elements on Discord, now!

“…  Yes, Princess Celestia.”

I didn’t think it was possible.

Somehow, Twilight's actions actually feel even worse than Celestia's.

And that should be impossible.

The elements start to glow.

And I feel magic in the air.

A very wrong sort of magic.

My despair is washed away, replaced with a sea of rage.

“You aren’t the elements of harmony.”

The only response that I get is glares.

“And you aren’t Princess Celestia!  Your magic doesn’t feel a thing like them!  In fact, you aren’t ponies at all!”

The elements are still glowing, but they notably are failing to fire off.

“You’re nothing.  I’m not afraid of you.”

And then, with that, the illusion finally dissipated.

And all that is left is...

Mushrooms.

Giant mushrooms.  Hundreds of them, all in this little chamber.  Each about a foot across.

And each loaded with some of the strangest cacophonies of magic I have ever felt.

And in the center of the chamber was a wispy nodule, spewing forth primal magic.

Which is then absorbed by these evil fungi.

They’ve been thriving off of Primal magic down here for years.  Centuries.  Drinking it up like water and repurposing it to their own needs.

And I think I’m beggining to understand.  I can sense the magic in these accursed things.  I’m getting an idea of exactly what it is, and how it is made, and what it does.

The primal magic node has never formed into anything more complex because this isolated mushroom colony drinks it up before it can build up to a critical point.

And the mushrooms have a very special defense mechanism.

They show you what you fear.

> Fear Manifest
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

If I am going to use these magic mushrooms against ponies, I need to know exactly what I am dealing with first.

It is true that I can kind of get an idea of how they work just by analyzing their magic, but it's not good enough.  I need to know for sure their exact nature.  Which is why I must test the effects on my minions.  I am pretty sure that they don't work on anyone who has already discovered their secret.  After all, I can't get them to affect me again.

And now it is time to get my answer.  The jackalopes are gathering around me as a return to their lair, eager to learn what I have discovered.

Oh chaos, what a discovery it is!  I bet they just can't wait to learn all about it...

"As a matter of fact," I declared out loud to the group, "I did find something extremely fascinating.  Feast your eyes upon this piece of work!"

At this point, I withdraw the mushroom that I had tucked away in my bag and set it on the ground before me.  The little critters stare at it in confusion, but things are sure to liven up soon.

...

Any moment now.

...

Or not?

...

Well, this is awkward.  Nothing's happening, and they're just staring at me in confusion.  Ugh, this is so embarrassing!  Apparently, the stupid things cease to function when severed from their roots.

No, that's not quite correct.  Now that I remember to check, I can tell that the magic is working, it's just not taking hold very quickly.

Apparently, the magic takes hold much slower when there is only one mushroom to do all of the work.

Wait, why are the jackalopes freaking out all of the sudden?

What are they looking at?

...

"OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" I cry at the jackalope that the others were yelling at.  He's standing right next to the mushroom.  And there is a chunk taken out of it in the shape of bunny teeth.  "Are you crazy?" I cry at him.  "Your first instinct when encountering an unknown fungus is to PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH?"

The creature is cringing guiltily.

Suddenly, as I am staring at him in disbelief, I feel a moment of uncertainty as his form shifts.

What in Equestria am I looking at?

Suddenly, the other jackalopes all almost simultaneously let out a very loud scream of terror and rush away as fast as they can.

I don't have to wonder why.  The one who foolishly consumed the strange mushroom has what appears to be a timber wolf standing over him.

The strange thing is, the jackalope is actually inside the timber wolf, and the timber wolf looks translucent, like a ghost.

As the jackalope waves his arms around wildly and chatters at his family in a panic, I perceive something even more interesting: the form of the timber wolf is following his motions as exactly as possible.  It isn't perfect, since the two have a different body shape and size, but it is definitely close enough.

Also, he sounds like a chattering rodent and a yipping timberwolf both at the same time.

The magic emanating from the illusion is definitely the type that the mushroom utilizes.

The little guy has, quite by accident, manifested himself as his own nightmare.

"Everybody calm down!" I exclaim.  "That's just your friend there!"

They all give me a bewildered look.

"The one that ate the mushroom?"

And now they are looking at me like I'm crazy.

And now he's chattering away again.  And now the others are looking very confused, and still scared.

"Are you telling me that you can't see him?" I ask.

I get several nods in return.

How strange.  Why can I see his fluffy self and they can’t?  I wonder...

"This is all just an illusion!" I cry out to them.  "You see, that mushroom uses magic to show you things that are not real in order to try to scare you!"

Slowly, this sinks into their little heads, and suddenly, some of them stumble forward nervously toward their 'friend'.

"You see him now, right?" I ask insistently.

The ones brave enough to approach nod at me, but immediately turn back toward the illusion and poke at the non-existent body of the non-existent timberwolf.

"I know you must be wondering why in the world I would bring you something like this, but consider the following.  What if you have this thing around when a real timberwolf comes stomping along?  Or any other dangerous creature, for that matter?"

I see their faces light up in understanding, and many start gesturing their approval.

"And it would appear that anyone who is aware of the secret power of this curious fungus can literally see right through it.  You all have nothing to fear now!"

As I watch my minions in their excitement, a wild idea starts to form in my head.

By complete accident, I think I have discovered a way to create an incredibly convincing disguise.  If I can create a potion using the mushroom as a main ingredient, I feel certain that I can control this effect.  While it would obviously be foolish to disguise myself as an object of terror, I bet that the mushrooms can be fooled.  All I have to do is trick them into reading my mind in a certain way.

And, to my extreme fortune, I am a master of manipulation.

"You there!" I order at the jackalope disguised as a timber wolf.  "I need a second pair of eyes for something back in the cave.  You are clearly making everyone else nervous despite the fact that they know what's going on, so it might as well be you.  Come on."





"Look, I know you're bored!" I grumbled at my chosen assistant.  "Believe me, I'm bored out of my skull too."  I carefully scoop the mushroom mush out of the mortar and into a vial of water.

I am sitting in front of a stone protrusion in the floor that makes for a decent table.  On this makeshift table are several mushrooms that I have uprooted in order to study them.  Artificial lighting is also unnecessary, as the node of primal magic also radiates a decent amount of light.

I have no idea why.

"This is really weird for me.  I mean, ordinarily if I wanted a magic potion, I would just conjure it up, and done!  Or, rather, I wouldn't need to use a potion at all, I'd just make whatever I want to happen occur.  Even since losing that power, I've just stolen whatever I needed.  I don't even remember the last time I made anything!  At least, without using magic."

I shake my head as I prepare the final ingredients.  Chaos, I hope this works.  This is going to be really embarrassing if I can't control this stuff.

At least I don't have to worry about the possibility of accidentally poisoning myself.

"Anyway, you don't have to wait around any longer," I declare as I hold my concoction in the air dramatically, sparkling in the magical light of the primal magic in the chamber.  "For I have succeeded!" I continued dramatically.  "For in this vial lies an incredibly powerful and dangerous magic!  Oh, you might not think that it's that big of a deal, but mark my words, if used correctly, this little thing will help me deceive all of ponydom and, more importantly, make the most powerful pony in Equestria into a fool!

"My plan is quite simple, yet elegant and genius.  I am going to trick the ponies into hooving over the location of my powers, completely unaware of my true self!  And then, I shall steal back what is rightfully mine!  In order for this to work, as much as I detest the necessity of this part of the plan, I must disguise myself as a pony.  I know, I know!  Being forced to act normal may as well be my own personal tartarus, but the one thing that will make it worth it will be the incredibly delicious reactions I get when they realize that they played right into my hands this entire time!  Imagine their shame when they realize that they willingly hooved over the most powerful magic in the world to the very foe that they tried so desperately to keep away from it!"

I finish my little speech with a bit of appropriate maniacal laughter, and then look over toward my assistant.  He is back looking like his plain jackalope self again, a result of the inefficient delivery of the mushroom's magic into his body.  Fortunately, I believe that the potion will augment the potency of the magic and make it last far longer.

He just gives me an uncertain look.

I just shrug.  I can't expect him to fully grasp the brilliance of my plan.

Right, the plan.  I need to focus.

I form my disguise in my mind's eye.  I don't want to draw unnecessary attention, so it is nothing special.  Just an ordinary light blue earth pony with a red rhombus on his rear.

Who would have guessed that this would be the face of the sun princess's doom?

"Alright you mushroom stew," I say to the vial.  "The figure in my thoughts is truly the most terrifying thing ever.  And do you know why?  Because he will bring all of pony-kind to their knees!"

And I definitely mean it.

I take a swig of the mixture.

And then I start coughing.

"Whoa," I say, sputtering a bit juice, to my annoyance.

It's not that it tastes bad.  It doesn't taste good either, but it does taste... interesting.  And completely unexpected.

I take a moment to look at myself.

And become very annoyed.

I forgot a very specific detail: my true form is rather larger than a pony.

Wait.  Pony.

Holy chaos, the potion actually worked correctly!

... I'm pretty sure...

Still, if somepony bumps into me, it's going to look really strange.

Actually, it is going to look strange even if I touch anything.

I have just decided that Rhombus the pony really doesn't like physical contact.

"So, how do I look?" I ask, turning toward my assistant.

He hesitates, and then makes an uncertain gesture.

I let out a sigh.  "Yes, I know you can still see the real me.  That's because of your awareness of the magic behind it.  But, if I were to, say, walk into Ponyville, not a one of them would have a clue, and therefore they would be completely fooled!

"I'm... preeeeetty sure, anyway.  There is only one way to test that theory, I suppose.  In the unlikely event that I am wrong, I'll just do what I always do and figure it out later."

I notice that the jackalope is making a strange gesture.

He's repeatedly putting his front paws on the ground.

What's that supposed to mean?

I look at my hands, and then suddenly realize what's wrong.

"Of course," I mutter, getting down on all fours.  "I have to walk around like this, don't I?  Oh, joy..."

One more downside that I had not considered.  The payoff for this had better be good.

Another thought occurs to me.  How long is this disguise going to last, anyway?  If it's as short as just eating the mushroom, all of this work will have been for nothing.

Plus, it will make me look very stupid.

I quickly analyze the magic sustaining the illusion and get a feel for how quickly it is being consumed.

Hmm.  I'd say, about three hours, maybe?

Oh, and that's right!  I didn't even drink nearly all of what was in that vial.  Which I am still holding.

Why, it's still almost full!  If I have this math right, the whole thing would sustain the illusion for... two whole days?

That's way more than I need!

Well, if I'm going to really be putting my disguise to the test in hometown of my rival's champions, I definitely want to make this a worthwhile trip.

I move to my bag of supplies and pull out a knife, and then pick out the nearest mushroom so I can severe it from the cave floor and bring it with me.

When I am finished, I realize that I already had several mushrooms sitting on the table directly in front of me.

I just shrug to myself.  Whatever.  Who cares?

I grab my fedora and place it on my head.  Tilted, of course.

I'm going to scare some ponies.





Okay, I'll admit it.  I feel nervous.  I really hate it, but I do.

I really hope everything goes according to plan.

I can't believe I'm actually scared of failure!  This is pathetic!  Ordinarily I wouldn't care about setbacks in the least, because I know I can always come up with something else if need be.

But, without my powers, if this plan falls through, well...

I don't really know what I'm going to do then.

Suddenly, I scoffed to myself, causing my single minion to look at me in curiosity.  Of course, there's no need to let him in on my thoughts right now.

I'll just do what I always do, of course.  Don't worry about it until it becomes a problem.

Some of my nervousness is replaced with excitement.  If all goes according to plan, this will be the first positive day I have had since my release.

In fact, I'm feeling quite elated right now!  Unlike every day up until now, I have a real advantage here.  For once, I don't feel helpless and powerless in this struggle that I have been forced into, despite Celestia's best efforts.  Already, I consider that to be a victory.

And now, here I am, finally at the edge of Ponyville.

"Your job is simple," I say to my little servant.  "Just stay here and stay out of sight for a while.  I need to do this alone, but I need you to be here in case I have sudden need of your help."

The critter actually looks relieved at this.  He salutes at me and runs off into one of the bushes.

Well, that's taken care of.  Now I just have to remember where that seamstress's place is so that we can do honest business.  After all, if it keeps on disappearing when she isn’t looking, she’s going to grow suspicious.

And then give her a good scare.  I think of the fright mushroom that I have stuffed inside of the bag that Rarity herself bought for me and grin.

I am about to pass one of the ponies.  I'm pretty sure she can see me, and she certainly doesn't seem alarmed.

Excellent.

Wait.  Uh oh, maybe not.

What is she doing with her hooves?

Should I be concerned?  What does this mean?  Does it mean that she can see through me?

...

No, she's smiling at me.

And now she is continuing on her merry way.

...

Oh, duh!  She was waving at me!  That's a thing that ponies do.

I feel really tempted to be offended by this gesture.  But, I have decided that I will not be offended.  In fact, it pleases me greatly.  Of course, I hate these random acts of senseless friendship, but far more important is the fact that I have the silly mare completely fooled.

I can just imagine her one day discovering that she had so casually waved at me without a clue of who I was.  It will surely cause her embarrassment for the rest of her life.  Or, shame, more likely.

It is this comforting fact that gives me the ability to keep in character as I stroll throughout the town.

I pass more ponies and have similar encounters.  And I have started to wave back with a smile.

What the ponies do not realize is that my smile is not one of friendliness, but one of sinister pleasure.

I have them all fooled.  Each and every one of them.

Today is a good day indeed.

"You sure are in a good mood," remarks a stallion that I don't know as I begin to pass him.

My smile doesn't even falter.  I look him straight in the face with unrestrained glee.

"Oh, yes indeed," I answer him.  "Today is by far the most excellent day I have had in a long, long time."

"Really?" he asks, surprised.  "Well, I hope it only gets better for you."

"Oh, I'm certain it will!" I respond, my smile growing even larger at the irony of everything as I walk away.

This sort of thing continued on for a little ways, right up until just now.  Standing directly in my path is a mare dressed up in a business outfit.  She obviously has put extra care into looking her best, but she is clearly shaking in her horseshoes.

I could just walk by her and enjoy her discomfort with... whatever it is she's worried about.

Or, I could find out exactly what has her in such a tizzy in the first place.

Curiosity wins.

"Something bothering you?" I say, and I immediately feel an urge to poke fun at her, and I have to stop myself.  While I certainly won't stoop so low as to actually be polite, I can't let myself break my cover.

"No- Well, yes..." she answers.  "I have an interview in less than ten minutes.  I'm... I'm just nervous."

She smiles at me uneasily.

...

What am I supposed to do here?

I know what I would do if I wasn't trying to pretend to be somebody that I'm not, but I obviously can't do that.  And my next idea is to just do nothing and move along, but I'm pretty sure that isn't what a 'decent' pony would do either, and it would be suspicious.

Oh, who am I kidding?  I know exactly what to do in this situation in order to blend in.

But I don't know if I can bear the shame of actually doing it.

There has got to be a way to make this more bearable, Discord!  THINK!

"You probably have nothing to worry about," I say to her.

YOU'RE DOOMED! I scream mentally.  DOOMED, DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED!

This thought puts a smile on my face, which the mare obviously misinterprets.

"Thank you," she says with a sigh.  "I'm sure you're right.  I'm probably overreacting."

Nope, you're not overreacting at all.  You're so DOOMED that it's hilarious!  And I'm not even talking about your insignificant job interview, although I'm sure that won't go the way you're hoping either.  It's only a matter of time before Equestria is consumed in chaos once again.  Enjoy it while you can.

"No problem."

She steps aside and lets me pass.

...

Oh, hang on, is that Rarity's place right there?  How did I get here so quickly?

I stop in front of her store for a moment in order to mentally review everything in my head.

I must admit, this idea is yet another stroke of genius.  As I observed before with the jackalope family, a single mushroom will not conjure up a nightmarish illusion in an instant the same way that a whole hoard of them does.  I will simply get this over with as quickly as possible, and then 'accidently' leave my bag behind.  A few minutes later, after I have left the scene of the incoming incident...  Chaos.

...

Maybe this isn't the smartest move to make at this moment in time?  After all, there is at least a possibility that somepony might figure out that I had something to do with it?

Well, yes.  But...

I'm so bored!  This is the sort of thing that I thrive on!  I've been looking forward to this all morning!

Actually, I fully expect the Rarity's fears come true to feature myself, or, at least, an illusion of myself.  After all, I am the most terrifying thing that these ponies know.

And if I can get myself in the same area as that illusion, and nopony ever figures out that the other Discord is a big fake...  Well, if that doesn't throw everypony off of my trail, I don't know what will.

Yes, this is definitely a thing that I should do.

What am I waiting for?

I eagerly open the door to the boutique and step inside.

There's nopony to be seen.

Now where is that Rarity?

"Welcome to Carousel Boutique!" Her voice declared from somewhere in the back of the store.  "I'll be right with you!"

Well, this is annoying.  Does she really expect me to wait on whatever it is that she's doing?

My personal annoyance asside, if I stay in here too long, then my special present will go off before I can leave, which would obviously be bad.

I definitely can't let that happen.

I take a breath, and then say, "I...  Er..."

Way to go Discord I think to myself scornfully.  Way to take charge there.

Suddenly, I realize that Rarity is approaching me.

Oh.  I guess when she said 'I'll be right with you,' she actually meant it.  That's... suprising.  Honestly, I was expecting her to linger for an eternity.

"Hello sir!" she greets cheerfully.  "How can I be of service?"

Wait, what?

Does she really say that to everyone?  Why is she implying herself to be a mere servant?  I know she hasn't recognized my true self, she would be screaming if she had.  She's an element of harmony, for crying out loud!  She should be pointing out how much better she is than everypony else!

Okay, actually, that doesn't sound like something they would do.  They wouldn't flaunt their authority around like that.  But they should still know that they do have it.

"Um, sir?" asked Rarity, clearly confused at my hesitation.

Oh, forget it.  Why should I care about the specifics of how these ponies are wrong about so many things?

...

I need to say something to her to explain why I'm being so silent.

...

"I'm sor- ACH!" I suddenly have to cough a couple of times.

"I'm sorrrrrrrrry," I manage.

Curse myself!  They're just WORDS, you fool!

"I was just, um," I continue on hastily.  "I was just left speechless by your style!"

A complete and utter lie, of course.  But it was a good cover, and also would let me silently gloat at her vanity.

"Oh!" she cried.  "Thank you!  A lady does try to look her best."

Well, at least you'll have that much when Equestria is a chaotic paradise.

Ugh, I need to not be wasting time, I need to get this over with.

"My name is Rhombus," I lied.

"O-Oh!" cried Rarity.  "Of course!  You’re wearing the- How did I not notice- I’m sorry!  Good to meet you!"

"I don't mean to be rude-" I began.

Well, actually, I would like to be rude, but I have a very good reason for not doing so at this time.

"-but I am short on time."

I reach into my bag and produce a box of gems and set it on her counter.

She starts a few times, unsure of how to respond.

Eventually, she manages to get out, "Yes, of course!  Ah, where did I put your things?"

She takes a look around her, but apparently is disappointed and begins moving around as she begins searching.

"By the way, if I may ask, what exactly were the circumstances of your previous visit?  I was disappointed that I didn't get to meet you!"

Argh, tar and feather me!  She had to ask that.  Still, I was expecting it, and I came prepared.

"Oh, you were busy chasing after your cat, I believe.  I was in a hurry, and I didn't want to bother you."

"You saw that, did you?" she said, apparently embarrassed.  "For some reason, there was a jackalope running around here all by itself and Opal got it into her head to chase after it!  I can't imagine what those critters want, but apparently they’ve been causing trouble for one of my friends as well.”

Here she comes with my stuff.  Good.

She then takes a look into my box of gems.  "I'm afraid that you have vastly overpaid me once again, Rhombus," she says.  "I can't accept all of this!"

I groan out loud in annoyance.  I don't have time for this!  I don't care if I paid too much, she has no idea how easy it is for me to get more!

Suddenly, I have an idea.  An explanation that would will possibly further benefit me later.

"See here, Miss Rarity," I say back in an annoyed tone.  "I came to your town to do something very important!  My overpaying you is comparatively of no concern!  Believe me, I have plenty more where that came from.  All that matters to me is that I return to my work as soon as possible!"

Rarity gazes back at me in shock.  "Well, if you insist!" she exclaims meekly.

Suddenly, I realize that this is not the way that I should be handling this.  If I offend Rarity too badly, then regardless of if she knows my true identity or not, she might cut off contact with me.

Keeping my time constraint in mind, I open up my bag (while ensuring that a certain fungus remains out of her view) and begin filling it with my new supplies as I begin speaking again.

"I'm sorry for that outburst," I make myself say, "but trust me, it is very important.  I'm very lucky to have your help-"

I mentally change that last statement to 'I'm very clever for tricking you into giving me this stuff'.

"-but I suspect something bad is going to happen any minute now!"

I finish packing and seal the bag up.

"My goodness," says Rarity with concern.  "What ever could be so important?"

"Well, you see," I say quickly, "I had another reason for coming to your town that I have not yet disclosed.  I'm looking for someone."

"Maybe I can help you?" offered Rarity.  "I'm familiar with many of our residents, and-"

"A very dangerous someone," I emphasized, hoping that she wouldn't pick up on this hint too quickly.

"My goodness," she repeated.  "Whatever do you need all of this stuff for then?"

Uh oh.  I wasn't prepared to answer this one.

I need to think up a lie, quick.

"I wasn't lying when I told you that I need them for my gem mining operation," I told her.  "But you see, this guy that I'm looking for likes to hoard magic.  I'm going to lure him out with some special magic crystals!"

"That sounds dangerous!"

"Oh it is, but I don't care.  This guy is a real big jerk," I answer, using the same term that I knew many ponies applied to myself.

"Well, I should let you go then," she said.

I wasted no time turning around toward the door.

"But-"

Suddenly I feel her touch my side.

Remembering how bad a thing this is, I jerk away in alarm.

"PLEASE don't touch me!" I cry at her.  "Just- please don't.  I really don't like to be touched."

She looks back at me in slight shock, but I can also see confusion in her eyes.

She must have figured out that something is wrong, I just know it.

"I'm sorry," she says.  "I'll be sure to remember that in the future.  I just...  wanted to let you know that... Well, if there is anything that I can do to help you with... all of this...  Something safe at least..."

She didn't continue any further.

"You really mean that?" I ask, surprised.

"Yes, I do!" she answers back.  "If you ever need help, I... I promise I'll help you!  With whatever you need."

How interesting...  Now that...  I wonder what I can force her into with that little promise...  Hmm...  I almost feel bad for what's about to happen to her.

Oh no.  About that...

"I have to go!" I suddenly cry, and rush out the door.

Without my bag.

As soon as I set foot outside of the boutique, my magic senses start blaring a warning at me.

I don't even have to examine the magic very closely to know it is coming from.  There's only one pony in Equestria that gives off magic like this.

Pinkie Pie.

Great.  Just what I needed.  Where are you, my excitable little pony?

Aha.  There she is.  Bouncing down the street, alongside-

Twilight Sparkle too?  Why?  Why now, of all times!

"Hello there!- um..."

And now Pinkie is suddenly in my face!  This is terrible!

"Um...  Argh...!"

...  What in Equestria is that girl doing?  She's staring at me like a hawk!

Oh sweet delicious smorgasbord!  How could I forget about that pony and her strange powers that even manage to baffle me!  She's got me pegged!

"Pinkie, what in the world?" asked Twilight.

"Argh!  Why?" cries Pinkie in frustration.  "I'm SORRY!"

In my utter confusion, it takes me a moment to realize that she addressed that statement at me.

And I haven't the faintest clue why!

"What in Equestria do you have to be sorry to me for?" I ask in genuine confusion.  Fortunately, it appears that my disguise has not been compromised, which is a huge relief.

"Pinkie, I don't even recognize this pony," said Twilight.

"THAT'S THE PROBLEM!" screamed Pinkie in despair.  "I CAN'T REMEMBER HIS NAME!"

"Pinkie, I don't even remember seeing him in Ponyville.  You've probably never met him before!" said Twilight, her confusion increasing.

"That's not true!  I know for sure that I've met you before because if I hadn't, my Pinkie senses would be telling me that I've met a totally new pony and that isn’t happening, so obviously I have met you before and I'VE FORGOTTEN YOUR NAME!  PLEASE FORGIVE ME!  AAAARGGGH!"

This crazy pony is attracting the stares of every single other pony on the whole street.  I know that there is no way that they are going to discover me, but for some reason, being the center of attention in these circumstances is incredibly uncomfortable.

"Pinkie, we have met before!" I cry back at her.  "My name is Rhombus!  It has just been a while!  What are you getting so upset over?"

"I've never forgotten anypony's name before ever!" she cried back at me, still alarmed.

"There's a first time for everything, right?"

"I guess..." answered Pinkie uneasily, thankfully at normal volumes this time.

"Actually, It's not that bad!" exclaimed Pinkie, instantly shifting moods.  "Now I get to meet a new friend all over again!  So, Rhombus, what does your cutie mark mean?  Does it mean you like shapes?"

"Um, sure it does..." I answer.  I'm not really sure how I should deal with this situation to be perfectly honest.  Everything would be so much easier if she were to just- go away.

"Hey Pinkie, are you not late for something?" I say.

As she gasps, the tremendous force of all of the air entering her lungs so quickly lifts her off of her hooves for a second.

"Oh my goodness!  You're right!  I was supposed to be at the hospital twelve seconds ago!  Sorry Twilight, we'll have to finish this up some other time, bye!"

I feel a burst of Pinkie's strange, energy bloated brand of magic and then she disappears in a blur.

I suddenly have no idea where she is.  I can't even feel her magic any more.  Without my powers to augment my senses, my magic sense only reaches about as far as I can clearly see.

Wait a second, she just said that she was going to the hospital, for whatever reason.  In all likelihood, she didn't have a reason to lie about it.

Still, not knowing for certain where that mare is currently located is more than a little unsettling.

"I'm sorry about her," said Twilight apologetically.  "Sometimes, Pinkie Pie is just... like that."

I don't answer her.

The awkward silence is pretty amusing.

"Um, soooo..." said Twilight, trying to strike up conversation.  "What does your cutie mark represent?  Something tells me that there's more to it than 'you like shapes'."

I actually let myself laugh aloud at the sarcasm in Twilight's final words.

While unexpected, I have realized that this encounter actually presents a fantastic opportunity!  Naturally, in my quest to reclaim my powers and give the sun princess payback, it will be beneficial for me to pull the wool over the eyes of all of the elements of harmony, but Twilight specifically happens to have a particularly strong connection with my nemesis.  Tricking Twilight takes the highest priority.

"Yeah, there's a little more to it than that.  You see... I can sense magic everywhere around me."

I feel a small rush as I let this small nugget of a greater truth free.  I did have my doubts about whether saying this was a good idea, but I ultimately decided that it was safe.  Celestia never mentioned it when I got free a few months ago, so she herself clearly doesn't even know about it.  The elements of harmony are thankfully ignorant of this ability of mine, and will not associate it with Discord.

And when a certain bit of chaos happens in just a moment, I can use this to force the elements to place their trust in me.

Or, rather, force them to misplace their trust in me.  I fully plan on betraying that trust, naturally, right after tricking them into giving me everything I need and stealing my powers back.

"What?" said Twilight in slight shock.  "Are you telling the truth?"

"Absolutely," I answered.  Ironically, I really am technically being truthful.  This time.

"But... I don't understand!" she cried, obviously intrigued.  "What connection is there between being able to sense magic and an equilateral quadrilateral?  Um, that is, a rhombus?"

"I know what an 'equilateral quadrilateral' is, thank you," I say, offended.  "I'm not stupid!"

"I didn't mean to imply any such thing!" said Twilight quickly.  "It's just that most ponies prefer that I not use 'big words'."

I grin as an idea pops into my head.

"Well, fortunately for you, my head is an incalculably elephantine lexicon."

Thousands of years of experience does tend to force me to learn all kinds of useless information that I would never actually actively seek out.  Thankfully, it does sometimes turn out to be useful.  Mostly by helping me point out how much better I am than everyone around me.

Twilight gives me a weird smile and says, "Okay, you're just trying to show off."

Before I can respond to that, she eagerly blurts out, "But you still haven't answered my question."

And, oh what an answer I have for you!  It will probably revolutionize magic as you know it!  You'll almost certainly write a research paper or seven on it.  It's just too bad for you that it's all a giant fabrication.

"It's nothing special," I answer, even as sinister and hilarious images of dance through my head of Twilight discovering that everything she knows is a lie and burning her own library to the ground.  "When I look at different kinds of magic, I see them represented by different polygons.  It's kind of like a jig-saw puzzle.  Different magical polygons fit together in different ways to make different spells."

Starswirl the Bearded is surely spinning in his grave at the enormity of this lie.  The reality is that I don't need something so stupid and needless complex.

"That's- that's-" Twilight starts.  "That's one of the most incredible things I have ever heard!"

I can't believe she's buying this preposterous sham!

"So what can you sense around us, right now?"

"Well, let's see now..."

And then a frowned as I realize that my little conversation has caused me to completely miss something very important.

The chaos is already in full swing, and I'm missing it.

I stare at Twilight, considering.

I'm just going to have to bring her with me.

"Actually, I'm getting some distinctly chaotic vibes from somewhere over there."  I gesture in the appropriate direction.

Twilight's face flew into alarm almost immediately after hearing the word 'chaotic', just as I had hoped.

"Why didn't you say so sooner!" she cried.  "Somepony might be in danger!  Come on!"

She rushed off.

I just smiled to myself, shrugged, and then started running after her.

She didn't go very far before stopping, unsure of where exactly to go.

"Where exactly?" she demanded as I caught up.

"Um, give me a second to figure it out," I bluffed.

After a few seconds, I said, "It's coming from over here!" and ran to the boutique.

I stopped in front of it, and Twilight stopped right beside me, her fur paling.

"In there," I informed her, trying very hard to not let my pleasure show.

"This is bad," cried Twilight in a panic.  "Why are the windows black?"

I wasn't expecting to hear that.  I turn my head to look, and sure enough, the windows to the boutique are so dark that I can't see through them at all.

Suddenly, Twilight pulled the door open and charged inside.  I chase after her.

When I find myself inside the shop, I stumble to a stop as I admire the center of attention: A transparent but otherwise perfectly convincing illusion of the most handsome draconequuis in the universe.  Although, if I understand the magic of the mushrooms correctly, he shouldn't be see-through for anyone else in this room.

I really like what happened to the place.  Judging by Twilight's expression, she finds it worthy of her attention too.  Polka dots and stripes of random colors cover every piece of fashion in the whole store.  Even funnier, they also have the appearance of being covered in ink, or dirt, or are otherwise covered in filth of some sort.

Of course, this would be even better if all of these dresses and scarves and everything were brought to life and chasing ponies around, but this isn't bad.  I have doubts that the illusions created by the mushrooms are even capable of altering our perceptions of reality in such a big way.

Fake Discord slowly and dramatically swivels around to greet the newcomers.

"Ah, you're just in time!" he exclaims.  "Welcome to my little party!  I was just entertaining your dear friend Rarity!"

"Leave her alone, Discord!" shouts Twilight, charging up her horn.

You have got to be kidding me.  It's so obvious what you are up to!  He has at least three whole seconds to react to your spell!

A bolt of magic fires from her horn.  I instinctively analyze it and determine that it is supposed to knock the fake Discord out or something.

Suddenly, I start having doubts.  Without magic, how is my fake double going to deal with this situation?  I know that the magic can't affect something that doesn't really exist, but there is a very high probability that it will dispel the illusion.

Before I have time to doubt any further, fake Discord snaps his fingers and teleports himself to the side.

Uh oh.

That's not good.

That's really not good.

Of course their greatest fear would be that I would somehow reacquire my powers!  If the elements think that I have my powers back, Celestia is going to step up her game big time, and I can't have that!  But Twilight and Rarity here have just seen some pretty convincing evidence, and I can't reveal to them the truth!

Cut my beard off with a pair of blunt, plastic, filly scissors, this has backfired!  I have to figure this out quick!

"How?" cried Twilight.  "How is this possible?  The Princess locked your magic away!"

"Princess Celestia's security is child's play!" said fake Discord.  "Even without my magic, I am unstoppable!"

Despite how worried I am, I take a moment to shake my head at this.

That's a nice sentiment, me, I think, but empirical evidence shows that you are not quite unstoppable without powers.  As much as I hate to admit it.

Twilight tried another spell, this time attempting to seize the fake Discord in her magic.  In reality, she is grasping at nothing, so, of course, the spell once again failed to have any effect.

This simply caused fake Discord to burst into laughter.

"You don't have to do this, Discord," said Twilight desperately.  "You can still come back and cooperate!  You know what will have to happen if you don't!"

"I get totally stoned?" answered fake Discord.  "I'll pass.  I would much rather take the path that keeps my self-respect intact, even in the unlikely event that you all do somehow manage to overpower me again."

"Rarity," said Twilight, ignoring the fake Discord, "are you okay?  What did he do to you?"

"Twilight," whispered Rarity, who was sitting on the floor and backed up against the wall.  "He's planning terrible, terrible things for us!  It's monstrous!"

Twilight glared back at fake Discord.

"What kind of terrible things?" she demanded.

"Ah, yes!  As I was explaining to your dear friend before I was rudely interrupted-

Suddenly, I hear the sound of the door opening behind me.  I turn around in surprise and see a random mare peering through the open front door.

"Um, are you open?" she asked.  "The windows are all dark, but I heard voices and I thought..."

She trailed off as she took in the inside of the boutique and the supposed master of chaos in the middle of it all.

"...  I'll just be going now." she whispered, slowly backing away from the door as it creaked closed.

There is an appropriate moment of awkward silence.

"As I was explaining before I was interrupted," continued fake Discord again, "I have noticed how some of you ponies have the audacity to think yourselves worthy of attention, and call yourselves celebrities!  Which is why I have decided to ensure that anyone who thinks to draw the attention away from myself and onto themselves will be forced to wear clothes of my making!  Muahahahahaha!"

I roll my eyes.  I can see why this is terrifying for the seamstress, but everyone else?  Not so much.

This imitation of myself is, well, pretty stupid.

"And furthermore, I will completely embarrass anyone who dares consider themselves a celebrity so badly that they will never be able to show their faces ever again!"

Well, that particular aspect might be worth considering.  Of course, actually getting my powers back is the priority here, but it doesn't hurt to build up other ideas in the meantime.

"Discord, why are you singling out Rarity?" demanded Twilight.

"What are you talking about?" asks the fake Discord.  "My plan will affect everypony in Equestria."

"Except your 'plan' seems suspiciously made to torment Rarity specifically!  I know you better than to believe that all that you told us is everything you have planned!"

"Well, it would be pretty stupid of me to actually tell you about my plan, wouldn't it?" asked fake Discord.

"What did Rarity ever do to you?" demanded Twilight in genuine confusion.  "I know that she was involved with turning you to stone, but so was I!  So were all of my friends!  Why are you picking on Rarity?"

"Oh, I think she knows why," answered fake Discord sinisterly.  "Do you want to tell them?" he asked Rarity's form.  "If you don't, I will."

She didn't so much as lift her head in response.

"Very well, have it your way."  He turned around to face us.

"You see, you and your friends share a great many similarities."

Okay, I am totally confused.  I have no idea where he's going with this.

Which, considering that he's supposed to be me, is slightly concerning.

"One such similarity," he continued, "is that you all represent your roles as the elements of harmony almost perfectly.

"With one exception.  Your selfish little friend here."

"Discord, that's not going to work," spat Twilight immediately, clearly not impressed.  "We all know that she wasn't herself when she acted the way that she did in that maze."

"No..." whispered Rarity, loud enough to be heard, though not looking away from the floor beneath her.  "He's right..."

"Of course I'm right!" he answered triumphantly.  "Think about it.  How many times have you witnessed this pony become so obsessed with her own success and she ignores everypony around her?"

Twilight stared back at fake Discord furiously.  "Rarity is the most generous pony I know!  Unlike many from my hometown of Canterlot, she provides her services at just above the cost buy the fabrics in the first place!  And not only that, she frequently gives out free samples!"

My illusionary self burst out laughing.  "I'm not talking about wealth!  I'm talking about fame!  Reputation!  Everything that you have just stated in your friend’s defense is actually just a technique she employs to accomplish her true desires!"

Before Twilight can rebuttal him again, he begins speaking once more.

"It is true, I did mess with her head just a little that one time, but all I did was make her think that some stupid boulder was a jewel of unmatched fabulousity!  If, instead, I had decided to transform that boulder into a genuine mega-diamond, I wouldn't even have needed to work my magic on her!"

Great dancing pumpkin pies!  I had no idea that this affect Rarity so deeply!  Perhaps the knowledge will prove to be useful in the future?

Rarity let out a sob.  "It's true..."

This really made Twilight mad, judging from her reaction.

"You know what, Discord!" she spat.  "You're capable of creating some perfectly beautiful things!  You really are!"

Wait, what.

Okay, first of all, how can she think that if she hates everything that I do, and second of all, how does a pony say those words when they are obviously furious?

"And if Rarity thinks that your creations are magnificent, there's nothing wrong with that!"

This even shocked the seamstress herself, causing her to look up at us for the first time.

"How can anypony love anything that came from Discord?" she asked.

Privately, I agreed.

Twilight, strangely, ignored her for the time being.

"But it wouldn't matter if she did love your hypothetical ‘present’ for her," Twilight continued.  "Without your magic forcing her to do otherwise, there is no way that she would let it get in the way of what's really important!"

Oh Chaos, no!  She's about to launch into a tirade about the power of friendship or whatever!

I have an idea.

"You know," I say out loud, drawing the illusion's attention, "If you already have your powers back, and you already have this whole 'taking over the world' thing figured out, why aren't you out there doing it instead of hanging around here bragging about it?"

"I'll take my time if I want to!" the illusion argued back.  "I do whatever I want!  Who are you, anyway?"

"What?  Do you not recognize me?"

All faces in the room other than my own reacted to that with great surprise.

"Why don't you remind me?" answered fake Discord.

"You turned me into a newt!"

The awkward silence was ended when Twilight let out a single word.  "What?"

"Oh, yeah!" cried fake Discord, as if he actually remembered this.

"And you don't even have a plan!" I accused.  "Because you don't really have your powers at all!"

He squinted back at me.

"Are you daft?  Perhaps you missed my beautiful work as you came in?" he asked, gesturing around him.

"Oh, I noticed.  But, you see, I just happen to have the power to sense magic around me.  And I know, without a doubt, that all of this," I said, gesturing around me at the very works that fake me had just pointed out, "is not your particular brand of magic."

My illusion's face turned expressionless, and Twilight and Rarity looked absolutely dumbfounded.

I decided to strike while the iron was still hot.

"All of this magic came from a unicorn!"

Fake me looks back at me in annoyance, but does not confirm or deny it.

His reaction doesn't matter nearly as much as Rarity's, though.  The mushrooms are, although powerful, literally brainless.  The entire illusion is actually controlled by the victim's own mind.

If Rarity believes what I just said, then fake me will act like it is true.

Fake Discord glares at me before raising his talon and snapping, and then vanishing.

I'm pretty sure she bought it.

Our surroundings are instantly returned to normal boringness.  The magic in the mushroom also seems to have just sputtered out.

And I'm feeling very pleased with myself.

Wait, I think to myself in alarm.  Is it weird that I'm so happy about defeating a more stupid version of myself?  Is that weird?

After a few moments of contemplation, I decide that, no, it is not weird at all.  I find this perfectly acceptable.
> Games are a Very Serious Business
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Gone!" cries Twilight, apparently upset.  "Discord is gone!  I...  I should have done something, I should have stopped him, but... I don't know what I could have done!  And if what you said about a unicorn helping him is true..."

She didn't finish.

"How ever did you figure out that the magic wasn't Discord's, if I may?" asked Rarity, still shaken.

"Oh, I can see magic," I answer nonchalantly.  "As I was telling Twilight here, I see magic represented by different polygons.  Different magical polygons fit together in different ways to make different spells.  For instance, a rhombicosidodecahedron can be used as a junction between-"

"Wait, a what? cried Rarity in bewilderment.  "What was that giant word that you said?"

"Rhombicosidodecahedron," I repeated, watching in amusement as the white pony tried to wrap her head around the syllables.

"What in Celestia's name is that?" she moaned.

Twilight decided to take the opportunity to launch into lecture mode.  "A rhombicosidodecahedron is a nonprismatic solid that is composed of twenty triangular faces, thirty square faces, and twelve pentagonal faces.  If I am understanding all of this right, those features are beneficial because it allows for a wide variety of interfaces."

"Exactly," I say.  "And because of that, it makes an ideal junction for the spell carriers, the spell components, and the spell modifiers."

"Stop," demanded Rarity, putting a hoof on her forehead.  "Please, just stop.  I just don't want to deal with these... big... words..."

"Aw!" complained Twilight.  "But this is interesting!"

If only you knew that you're getting so interested in such an elaborate, big, fat lie.

Twilight then turns to me and says, "You see?  This is what I meant earlier when I said most ponies don't like to use big words.  I've learned that it only leads to headaches if I talk like that around ponies who don't share my love of science and mathematics."

"Indeed," Rarity agreed.  "While I'm sure that whatever you were talking about is genuinely fascinating, please leave me out of it."

"Oh, Rarity!" I declare in amusement.  "You might think that science and math are the tools that curious ponies use to pursue the secrets of the universe, but I'm afraid that isn't quite right!"

"Aren't they?" asked Twilight, confused.

"Well, they are, but mostly they're just a method of baffling the uninitiated with incomprehensible jargon."

Rarity had no immediate reaction to this, but Twilight did.  The moment after this leaves my mouth, I hear "Pfffffff-"

And then she bursts out laughing absolutely uncontrollably.  She can't even stand.  She has actually collapsed onto her side in the middle of the boutique and I can see her belly rise and fall in rapid succession as she fights for her breath between her enormous laughter.

"Twilight, are you okay?" asks Rarity.

"It wasn't that funny," I remark in genuine confusion.

"You- You-" Twilight tries, but that is all she is able to get out before losing the battle to not laugh her head off like a maniac.

"You're- y- y- you're- you're just awful!" she manages to squeeze out in a disturbingly happy tone between laughs.

"It wasn't that funny!" I insist.  Then I stop and wonder to myself why I keep saying that.

"It's- it- it's way too true to not be funny!"

She bursts out laughing once again in full force and neither I nor Rarity can manage to get any further words from her.

I'm completely confounded by what I am witnessing right now.  I have never managed to make anypony laugh this hard at anything!  Ever!  Well, except for a few victims of the tickle torture of doom, but that doesn't count!  Even the few ponies who liked my chaos never laughed like this!

And it's all so completely stupid!  That dumb joke was far from my best work!

In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if the purple pony is actually one-hundred percent sane.

I...  I have to leave before my own sanity is affected!

"While you're busy laughing it up," I say out loud, "I'm just going to step outside for a bit."

Twilight barely even acknowledges my words.  She tries to make a gesture of some sort, but the pony has almost no control over her body and whatever message she was trying to convey doesn't get across.

I surreptitiously grab my bag and begin to make my way toward the door.

I stop.

I turn around and look back at the collapsed mare.

I wonder if I can make her laugh even harder by finding some excuse to use the word 'surreptitiously' around her.

No!  Quit thinking like that, you idiot!

I quickly pull the door open and step outside.

I know that I can't stay in one place for too long.  If I do, random ponies around me might get sudden fright attacks.  As funny as that would be, It would clearly be a stupid idea to draw that much attention.  So, I decide to start walking.

Suddenly I feel curious about whether any of the other element bearers are in the area.  I reach out with my senses once more.

I can feel dozens of ponies around me of all three types.  Twilight and Rarity are still inside the boutique, but I can't tell what they are doing.

I scan through the remaining magical signatures, looking for any that are of interest.

Aha!  As luck would have it, the apple farmer is standing around outside, not moving anywhere.  I wonder what she is up to?

I'm going to go see.

...

It would appear that she is selling apple pies at a stand.

How incredibly boring.

Still... pies...

I start to consider methods I can employ in order to steal myself a pie or two.

I select one with a grin.

"Applejack!" I say to her as I draw close to her stall.

"Howdaya do, sir?" she answers me.  "Begging your pardon, but, uh, do ah know you?"

"Oh, I doubt you'll recognize me, but I know you.  My name is Rhombus!  But that's not important right now.  You see, there's something that I thought you should be aware of."

"What are you talking about?" she asks in confusion.

"Well, I do believe that your friend Rarity is rather upset, and Twilight just cannot stop laughing it up!" I say, intentionally wording it in a way that will certainly cause a misunderstanding.

"What?" cries Applejack in confusion.  "That don't sound like her at all!"

She just stands there for a few seconds, looking confused.

"Where are they?"

"Just inside Rarity's place," I answered.

"Right.  I'm goin' ta go over there and see what's goin' on here."

She steps away from her stall and starts jogging down the street.

I wait until she is out of eye sight, and then sneak behind her stall.

The table she displays the pies on is actually more of a hollow box, and there are stacks of pies wrapped up in foil to keep them from getting on each other.

I can easily snatch a couple of these without her noticing that they are gone.

And I do.

I try to slip them inside of my bag, but to my annoyance, all the junk from Rarity and the mushroom are getting in the way.

It takes some effort, but I manage to cram the pies inside in a way that doesn't result in them getting squashed.

Mission accomplished!

What's next?

Well, assuming Twilight manages to get ahold of herself any time soon, I'll resume my task of convincing Celestia's fun stopping squad that they need my help.

Especially Twilight.  As I have already remarked, she is closer to the princess than any of the rest of them, and also the leader of their little task force, and therefore the most useful to me.  Even if nopony else is convinced, if I can manage to trick her, it will be enough.

I get back to the boutique and, since the windows are now no longer black thanks to illusion magic, I can see that Twilight is no longer on the floor.  The three ponies are standing together in a triangle and just talking.

Suddenly, Rarity, the only one of the three facing me, apparently notices my presence.  After a second, the other two turn around to look at me as well.

And then they turn back and resume talking.

I consider walking in and saying something, since I am on a rather annoying time crunch, but right before I am about to decide to do so, Twilight actually comes walking out of the boutique of her own accord.

"Did you tell Applejack that I was laughing at Rarity?" she asks, upset.

"No," I respond, hiding my smile, "I just informed her of the state that her two friends were in.  Rarity was upset, you were laughing."

"Okay then", she says unhappily.  "It's not your fault, but apparently the way that you worded it made it sound like I was laughing at Rarity!  You really should take care to avoid misunderstandings like this in the future."

Actually, it is totally my fault.  I did it on purpose.

Suddenly, she starts laughing again, lightly.

"Still, that joke was pretty funny.  I feel terrible about it now that it occurs to me that it sort of implies that I would presume to think that I'm better than everypony else, but... I can't help it!  It's still funny!"

She starts laughing once more.

Once she finishes, she says, "I- I can't help it!  I still think it's funny anyway!  Is- there something wrong with me?"

"You're thinking about this way too hard!" I insist.  "It was just a joke!  Everyone knows that I didn't mean anything by it!"

"I guess you're right."

Suddenly, she groans and shakes her head.

"What am I doing, wasting time on this silliness!" she cried.  "I should be checking to make sure that you are alright!"

"... I'm just fine and dandy...  Why would I not be?" I ask, confused.

"Uh, because you just had an encounter with Discord?" she answered.  "He was being very hurtful!  Still, he didn't faze you.

"And I don't think that's a good thing," she finished.

"What?  Why?"

"Because anypony in their right mind should be scared of Discord right now!" Twilight insisted.  "This is very serious business!  Look, Rarity told me that you came to Ponyville in the first place to hunt him down."

Well well, it appears the seamstress actually connected the dots of my fake hints...

"I can understand that you probably want to make Discord pay for what he did to you."

Suddenly, Twilight paused.

"When did that happen, anyway?"

"Oh, um..." I began, trying to think.  "It definitely didn't happen in the last week.  It was... a few months ago, I suppose."

"And you, um, 'got better' when Discord was resealed?"

"I guess so."

"That makes sense.  Anyway, my point is, Discord is dangerous!  It's my job, and my friends' jobs, to deal with Discord, but I can't risk anypony else getting hurt!"

"Well, frankly, you can't stop me.  With my ability to sense magic, I can find his unicorn helper before you even know where to look."

Twilight's look of concern only increased.

"That's another good point," she said.  "Discord may be stripped of his powers, but whoever it is that is helping him clearly isn't.  And while Discord himself isn't really the sort to hurt anypony physically, I can't guarantee that the unicorn is the same way!  I just wish I knew who it is!

"Hang on.  Rhombus, do you have any clue who it is that is helping Discord?  Do you recognize their magic, perhaps?"

"Nope.  Not a clue."

"That is unfortunate.  In any case, I know that I can't stop you from looking for Discord on your own, but I have a feeling that you sparked his interest when you stood up to him today.  He might come for you again!"

"I'll be fine," I answer in irritation, feeling uncomfortable by all of this concern directed toward me.  "In fact, I'm going home."

I start to walk away.

Twilight is following me.

I stop and turn to her.

"Are you following me?" I demanded.

"Yes, I'm following you.  At least until you get home!  I know that you aren't living in the town proper, and once you leave town, you'll be completely alone.  If Discord really is mad at you, it would be the perfect opportunity to come for you.  I can't let you go home alone.  Once you arrive, you can demand that I not trespass and I will go away, but I'm not leaving your side until then."

"You have got to be kidding me!"

This is extremely bad.  There is absolutely no way I can return to my hideout with this mare following me around.

Actually, come to think of it, we wouldn't even manage to get that far.  After spending about five minutes in my presence, she will be affected by that shroom I'm hauling around and-

...

This is a bad idea, isn't it?

"Oh, alright!" I relent.

"Thank you," answers Twilight in relief.

She says nothing further for now, to my own relief.

Finally, once we are almost out of town, she speaks.

"So, where are you living, anyway?  Rarity said that she didn't know exactly."

I've been keeping track of how close the mushroom is to triggering.  Thankfully, there isn't much time left.  I won't have to suffer through Twilight's questions for long.

"It's just a camp, really," I answer.  "I don't plan on staying in Ponyville for very long.  Once I do what I came here to do, I'll be out of here."

"That doesn't sound-"

"Wait!" I interject.  "Something is wrong!"

I can barely contain my excitement, but I still manage to sound concerned.

"What is it?" whispers Twilight in near panic as I begin counting down in my head.  "Is it Discord?"

Three, two, one-

A whistling noise briefly sounds as fake Discord apparently erupts from the ground several meters in front of us.

"For goodness sake, Discord!" cried Twilight, obviously upset.

"Oh, relax!" he answers back.  "I came here to make you a deal!"

A deal, eh?  This sparks my fancy!  This is much more interesting than what happened in that boutique.

"A deal?" asked Twilight in surprise.  "Do you mean that you're here to negotiate?"

"No, of course not," answers fake Discord.  "If you don't take my deal, I'll teleport away.  If you try to run away or call for help, I'll teleport away.  If you try to attack me, I'll teleport away.  You get the idea."

"You have no powers," Twilight spat back.  "You already know that I know you have somepony to do magic for you.  Where are they?"

There is a flash of light beside fake Discord, and then there is a cloaked form of a pony standing next to him.

It is impossible to distinguish any of their features.  In fact, I have a feeling that the illusionary pony doesn't have any features.

"Who are you?" Twilight demanded.  "And why are you helping him?  Is he threatening you with something?  Did he promise you power?"

"It’s not that easy, Twilight," said fake Discord.  "They don't answer to you."

The cloaked figure remains silent.

Twilight hesitated, considering her options.

"What is this deal?" she says at last.

"It's quite simple!  I challenge you to a little game!"

Before Twilight can respond, fake Discord adds, "And if you win, then I will surrender!  I'll go back to Ponyville with you and suffer through your plans for reforming me."

WHAT...?  What madness is this!  There is no way that I would lay out such terms!  Not unless... unless I know for absolute certain that there is no danger of losing.

"And if you win, what do you get?" asked Twilight.

"Why nothing at all, except for the right to brag about how I won and you didn't."

"But how do I know that you'll keep your word?" demanded Twilight.  "You're a liar and a trickster!  How do I know that you won't run away if I win?"

"Games are a very serious business, my dear," answered fake Discord seriously.  "I do have a reputation to uphold.  If I did something so dishonorable, nopony would ever agree to my challenges ever again!  Have you forgotten the fact that I legitimately left the elements of harmony in a place where you could reach them and use them against me?"

Twilight paused for a few moments to consider these words.

"What is the game?" asked Twilight.

"Well, you see, I figured, what is the point of me getting into another conflict with you and your friends when we can just simulate it instead and call it good?"

Fake Discord turned back toward the hooded pony.

"Show her!" he commanded.

Suddenly, the ground took on a checker board pattern and giant pillars appeared all around us.

I immediately know what's going on.  He's challenging her to a game of life sized chess.

All of Twilight's pieces are shaped to look like ponies.  The pieces in the back all look like the bearers of the elements of harmony and the pieces in the front look like other ponies that I just plain don't know.  Presumably, she knows who they are.

Wait a moment.  Twilight herself is standing in the spot of a bishop!

Oh, this is delicious!

And yet, curious!  I could understand if Twilight's fears placed her as a pawn as a representation of her servitude to her princess, or even as a representation of her own self-doubt, and I could understand her being in the place of the king or queen as a representation of her sizable amount of power or as a representation of the 'responsibility' upon her, but why would she fall somewhere in the middle?

Oh my.  The king and queen pieces are in the image of Princess Celestia and Luna, respectively...

Suddenly, I am dismayed to realize that I myself am standing in the place of a mere pawn.

Whatever.  I'm not going to let that bother me.  After all, I'm trying to pass myself off as something pathetic.  At least I get to laugh at how Twilight thinks that I'm actually on her side.

In contrast, my illusionary double's side is composed entirely out of faceless chess pieces, aside from himself as king and the cloaked unicorn as queen.

What the heck is that supposed to mean?  The queen is the most powerful piece!

But the king is the most important piece...

I'm not sure whether to be offended or not.  This is clearly a metaphor for how I don't have my powers right now and how that makes me vulnerable, and I don't like that.

But... I am being depicted as a king.

Oh, forget this! I think to myself in frustration.  It's just a stupid game!  Besides, this whole scene was created in Twilight's head!  Why should I care what she thinks?

"Discord," said Twilight, "I don't know if you are aware of this, but I am very, very good at this game."

"Oh, I know!" fake me answers.  "Why do you think I picked it?"

"Fine.  I'll play your 'game'," Twilight said.  "If you agree to a few rules first."

"If you insist."

"First rule: no cheating!"

"Obviously," said fake Discord with a roll of his eyes.

"Second rule: We will use the standard rules of the game!  You can use advanced maneuvers like castling, en passant, and pawn promotion if you want.  I don't have a problem with that, but no making up your own rules!"

"Fine, fine!"

"And... no funny business!" Twilight cried.

"That's a little vague, wouldn't you agree?"

"If I- If I find out that you rigged the game or something, then the stakes are forfeit!"

"I'm already getting nothing.  Remember?"

"Oh," said Twilight, embarrassed.  "Well... you lose your bragging rights!"

"So, is that it then?  You have the first move, and I'm getting bored!"

Twilight glared back for about ten whole seconds.

And then she leaves her spot and walks toward me.

"Discord is up to something," she whispers to me.  "I'm absolutely sure of it!"

"Of course he is," I answer.  He’s busy silently laughing at you while you get played for a fool.

"I just can't believe he's offering me this!  He wouldn't promise to give himself up unless he is absolutely sure that I won't win!"

A truth, I admit.

"But... there... doesn't seem to be a downside to this..." Twilight mused.

Impossible.  This is supposed to be a nightmare.  I don't know why this is being dragged out like this instead of just giving her a good scare like what happened with Rarity, but there has to be a downside for her in this somewhere.

There has to be!

"What do you think I should do?" she asks.

"Just do it!  He's just going to disappear if you don't, and it will drive you crazy if you never find out what would have happened."

"You're right.  But... I don't want to force you to do anything.  It's obvious that Discord wants you to be one of the pieces.  I know you don't want me to tell you what to do, but, well, I need you to go along with it!  I promise I'll make it up to you!"

"What are you trying to convince me for?" I cry in frustration.  "I'm fine with it!  I just want to see what will happen here!  Just do it already!"

"Um... Right..."

Twilight turns back and slowly returns to her spot.

"I accept your challenge, Discord," she says.

She lights up her horn and 'picks up' one of her giant pieces.  As she guides the non-existent object through the air, I stare at the phenomenon in fascination.  The illusion has her completely fooled in not only her sense of sight and hearing, but also her sense of magical touch.  She's exerting a tremendous amount of energy at empty air and she can't even tell!

After she completes her move, fake Discord calls out instructions to the cloaked pony, who makes a move that mirror's Twilight's action.

Twilight makes another move.

Fake me mirrors it.

Twilight moves again.

Fake me mirrors it.

Twilight moves again.

Seriously-?  Fake me mirrors it!

"Discord!" screams Twilight in frustration.  "What are you doing?"

"I'm playing the game," he answers.  "Didn't you notice?"

"You're just copying everything I do!"

"I might be."

"Discord, what you are doing is not an effective strategy!  The point of the game is to have a better strategy than the opponent, and if you just copy them, your strategy will not be better, it will only be just as good!

"And that's not the only issue!  It is incredibly easy to break your strategy by simply attacking one of your pieces with my own mirror version of that piece!"

"I am fully aware of all of this," said fake Discord in a bored tone.  "I'll do whatever I want.  A better question is, why are you trying to help me to win?"

"What!" shouts Twilight.  "I'm not- Look Discord, if you continue to employ such atrocious strategy, I won't be able to give you enough advice to save you from yourself!"

"Whatever you say.  Make a move."

Twilight continues to do nothing.

"If this is a plan to make me think that I can cut corners because you're so bad at this, it's not going to work!" she shouts.

"I know!  Make a move!"

Twilight does so.  Fake Discord copies it.

Okay, this is really starting to drive me up the wall.  Everything that Twilight said is actually completely true.  This depiction of myself, frankly, appears to be an idiot!

Twilight knows I'm not an idiot!

Which can only mean that, somehow, he knows what he is doing.

You had really better actually know what you are doing I think in frustration.  Because even I don't have any clue what's going on here!

Twilight and fake Discord took another few turns.

And then Twilight did exactly what she said that she would.  She captured one of fake Discord's pieces with its own mirroring piece.

As it turns out, she didn't receive any retribution for this at all.  Instead, my illusion decided to make some other random move instead.

I'm actually getting angry here.  This is insulting!

I begin to question my understanding of the mushroom's power.  Maybe it doesn't show its victims their own fears?  Maybe it...  I don't even know!  I was so certain that I understood their magic!  It sure looks like it's supposed to scare everyone!  But this isn't scary.

The game continues for a while and fake Discord manages to lose four more pieces without capturing any of Twilight's at all.

WHY IS THIS VERSION OF ME SUCH A FREAKIN' IDIOT!  I don't mind toying with ponies, but the stakes are too high for that kind of nonsense!  If he breaks his promise and vanishes after losing, I'm going to be FURIOUS!  Because he was right about one thing: I DO have a reputation to uphold!

And then, finally, finally, Discord manages to capture one of Twilight's pieces.

By sacrificing three of his own pieces in the process.

Ugh.

"My, my, Twilight," says fake Discord.  "It looks like Rainbow Dash is gone!  What are you going to do now?"

Hang on, was Twilight's lost piece the one that looked like Rainbow Dash?

It was!

"Discord," said Twilight furiously, "Shut up.  You lost three pieces with that dumb maneuver."

"And I don't care in the least."

"Well, you should!"

I think I might be getting an inkling of what my illusionary self is trying to accomplish.  But if he's doing what I think he's doing, then he's still going to lose and it will definitely not be worth it.

The fact that he is non-existent and therefore incapable of actually going with Twilight doesn't matter.  I have principles, and I will not allow myself to be made into a fool!

Suddenly, something actually interesting takes place in the game.

Well, that's the first good move he's made.  It's WAY too late to save him at this point of course...

Somehow, fake Discord actually managed to force Twilight into a situation where two of her pieces are being threatened at once.

And there isn't a single possible move that Twilight can make that will save them both.

Unfortunately… one of said pieces is just a pawn.

"Well, Twilight?" said fake Discord, bored by her hesitation.  "Who is it going to be?  Are you giving up Pinkie Pie?  Or... whoever that pony is...?  That's the mail pony, right?"

As Twilight hesitates, I observe the situation in barely restrained glee.  Fake me is still an idiot, but he still managed to not only do at least one thing right, he managed to do it decently well.

"I don't know, okay!" Twilight spat back, upset.  "Give me a minute!"

And so he is.  Now nopony is saying a word, and I can just feel the torment coursing through Twilight.

"Come now, we don't have all day!" fake Discord taunted.  "I know you said no adding any rules, but I feel that implementing a timer at this point wouldn't be unreasonable, right?"

"ARGH!" screamed Twilight.  "Why do you have to be so MEAN?"

Fake Discord smiles back at her.

"You know, technically, Pinkie Pie is the more valuable of the two.  This should be an easy decision."

"You did this on purpose!  I forfeit!" Twilight cries.  "I don't care.  I refuse to be toyed with like this any further!"

"And I win by default!" declared fake Discord happily.  "You see, Twilight, this is why you and your friends can never defeat me!  They're holding you back!"

Wait, is he going to stick around and torment her now?  That's not good.

"You're lying!" she spat back immediately.  "Your ridiculous metaphor is flawed.  Reality is not like this game."

Alright, now I have to put a stop to this.  I don't have time for this, and I also need Twilight in good spirits, strangely enough.  She's no use to me if she's broken.

"You do realize," I declare, drawing my double's attention, "that in real life, everypony gets to move around all at once?  Wouldn't it be much more fun and chaotic if every single playing piece moved at the same time?"

"Oh, it certainly would," agreed fake Discord.  "But a certain somepony insisted on standard rules, remember?"

"And another thing!"

I leave my spot and walk toward my double.  He looks at me in confusion, but holds his ground.

I don't stop walking until I'm almost right up against him.

Although he stood his ground, at this point, he is just staring at me in shock, astounded by my sheer audacity.

"In reality, there is no such thing as cheating."

I reach out and shove him as hard as I can.

Naturally, I feel nothing when I appear to touch the fake draconequuis.

The illusion however, in its necessity to portray realism, is pushed away from me.

"Why, you insolent pony!" he roars.  "Do you have any idea who I am?"

"Of course I do.  So, what are you going to do, huh?  What are you going to do?" I ask, knowing perfectly well that the illusion can't do anything to me at all, as I am not actually under its spell.  If it tried, it would just pass through me harmlessly.

"This isn't the last you've seen of me," fake Discord informs angrily.  "Take us away from here, you!" he says to the cloaked pony.

There is a flash of light.  And now Discord, the cloaked pony, the checkered floor, and the giant chess pieces are gone.

The magic is dispelled.

Twilight still seems to be shaken, leaving me alone with my thoughts for the moment.

And this is what I was thinking:

I hadn't realized that Twilight Sparkle was so cunning!

Of course I was aware that Twilight was intelligent, in much the same way that I am aware that there is air around me.

But this thing that I have just witnessed?  It was all conceived in Twilight's head!  Of course, it was stupid and risky for fake me to offer what he did, but to be fair, he probably knew for absolute certain that his scheme could work.  After all, he was in fact something from a dark corner of Twilight's own mind.  The fact that she wasn't making him do it on purpose doesn't matter, it proves that she has the potential to produce some really terrific schemes!

Until recently, I had little use for schemes and plans myself... and yet...

I find that I actually value this hidden trait of hers.

In a bizarre twist of circumstances, Twilight's unconscious self-intimidation has actually increased my respect for her.

Yep, I am a strange, strange individual.

If she had a different mindset...

Well, I don't actually know what would happen.  What if she did think like me?  What if she did use her talents to exert her superiority over others?  That would make her my rival.

Sort of like Celestia, actually, only not quite the same.  No premonitions of self-righteousness, for one thing.

I decide that, in the best case scenario, Twilight could have the honor of assisting me in carrying out my will.

I suddenly realize with great surprise that this is exactly what I was trying to make her do already.

Well, not quite exactly.  The ideal scenario would be that she helps me willingly and I don't even have to bother with tricking her.

But I know that that will never happen.  Tricking her will be a necessity.

And now, apparently, Twilight has recovered from this ordeal enough to approach me, uneasily.

"Are... are you out of your mind!" she cries.

"What did I do?"

"I know that you wanted to get even with Discord for what he did to you, but I can't believe you just did that!"

"Oh come on, he deserves it," I lie, giving the answer almost any pony would.

"If he wasn't interested in you before, he definitely is now!  You've made him angry!  Look, I can't let you go home!"

"What!  Is this because you're scared he's going to come after me or something?"

Silently, I'm cursing this fungus I'm hauling around.  It's magic is powerful and entertaining, but without a way to be able to directly control it, it's causing me more trouble than it's worth.

"That's part of the reason..." Twilight admitted.  "But there is another reason!  I- I didn't want to say it before, but Discord has really gone too far this time!"

"...  How do you figure?"

"Because, now that Discord is actively scaring ponies, it has become necessary to take action!  Originally, we were going to just leave him alone so long as he didn't hurt anybody, but that is no longer the case!"

Hold up now, what?  You were actually planning on leaving me alone?

...

And I've just ruined that?

...

Huh.

"And if we're going to try to find Discord, it probabily isn't going to be easy.  That's why I need your help!"

"Because of my ability to sense magic."

"Yes, because you have the ability to sense magic!  Somehow, you were able to tell that there was trouble in Rarity's boutique!  Somehow, you knew that Discord was coming for us here even before he showed up!  Discord may be powerless, but somehow he has managed to get a pony to do his work for him.  If we can find that pony, we find Discord!  But I can't find them without your help!  I need you to help me!"

I stare dumbfounded at her.

She mistakes my silence for hesitation.  "If you help me with this, I promise I'll give you whatever your heart desires!  Princess Celestia herself has an interest in this matter, and she'd pay you a tremendous sum in return for your aid!"

"Twilight Sparkle..." I say, astounded.  "Are you trying to bribe me?"

"If a bribe is what it takes, then yes!  Bribery is a perfectly legitimate means of negotiation.  It's certainly isn't my first choice, but I will do it if that's what it takes."

...Huh?  Who in their right mind would say that!  Bribery isn't negotiation, i'ts... it's cheating!

Unwarranted, my own words come back to me.

In reality, there is no such thing as cheating.

Shut up, shut up! I mentally scream at myself.  That's not what I meant!

Despite my confusion, I manage to respond to her without missing a beat.

"Well, unfortunately for you, I have no interest in money."

"Then what do you want?"

"I...  I don't know!" I lie.  I know what I want of course, but I can't tell her that.

"Then, if you help me, I'll give you anything that you ask of me if it is within my power!  You don't have to decide what that is right now!  I'll owe you a favor!"

"Oh really?" I ask, extremely doubtful.  "Anything?"

"Anything within reason," she corrected nervously.  "But it would be reasonable to reward you with quite a lot!"

Why am I resisting this so hard?  This is exactly the kind of opportunity that I was hoping for!

"Oh, very well!" I answer.  "You drive a hard bargain, but you've convinced me!"

"Oh, thank goodness!  So, I guess since I we can't let you be outside of Ponyville by yourself, you... should come home with me."

I have to try really hard not to make a certain joke.

Really hard.

"Well, let's not waste any time then," I say, thinking of that stupid mushroom.

"So, I was thinking, while we walk, would you be willing to describe the nature of your ability to sense magic in greater detail?"

...

Oh my chaos, Celestia, why did you have to let me out of that statue...

Suddenly, all of the potential problems that might occur begin to pile up all at once in my mind.

I'm going to regret making up that lie about my ability to sense magic, aren’t I?

This isn't going to work! I think to myself before I can stop this line of thought.

Oh, sure, I'm confident that my plan is sound, certainly.

The problem isn't the plan.  The problem is me!  I don't know how much longer I can stand to pretend to be someone that I'm not!  And I'm not sure how much longer I can stand pretending to be normal and nice before I lose my mind!  The irony of nopony knowing who I am and what I am really thinking helps, but the novelty is going to wear thin, and then all that will be left is a terrible, terrible situation!

I actually DON'T want to do this!

If I was my old self, I would abandon this whole ordeal the moment it started to become uncomfortable.  But I can't afford to do that.  In fact, it was uncomfortable the moment I ran into that forest.

I don't want to do this.  But I have to anyway.

And, as icing on the cake of 'why me', Miss Incessant Curiosity doesn't want to let me out of her sight.

"Sure, I guess..." I answer Twilight reluctantly.





"So, you live in a tree," I state, looking up at the library and stating the obvious.

"That does appear to be the case, yes," said Twilight.  "I was surprised when I found out too."

I give her a look of confusion.

"Didn't you know that it was a tree before you bought the place?"

"Oh, I didn't buy it!  The princess arranged for me to stay here during the Summer Sun Celebration, and then I decided to stay and so I just... kind of... stayed."

...

"I see."

I push the door open and step inside, then turn around to watch Twilight.

Strangely, she hesitates before following me inside.

"Um..." she begins, sounding confused.

"Look, I told you, if you're confused about something about my ability, just ask."

"It's not that.  Um, don't take this the wrong way, but, there is something... strange about you."

Uh oh.

"Strange how?" I ask slowly.

"I don't know," she answers, confused.  "Something about the way that you move.  It almost seems like...  I don't even know how to describe it.  But, for example, the door just now."

"What about it?"

"I don't know, I- Wh... ugh, why did you open the door from so far away?"

Blasted disguise!  I knew that something like this would happen!

"I don't really know," I answer, trying to sound disinterested.  "I never really noticed.  Your friend Pinkie Pie moves weird too, doesn't she?"

"Well, of course she does, I-  Actually, just forget that I said anything.  It's not that big of a deal.  I was being rude."

"Whatever.  Actually, I have a question for you."

"Oh, you do?"

"Yeah.  Where is your bathroom?"

"O- oh.  Um, upstairs, second door on the left."

Without further words, I follow her directions to her bathroom.

As soon as I'm inside, I lock the door and pull my bag off of my shoulders and throw it to the ground.

I open it up and remove two pies and a very troublesome giant mushroom.

And then I walk over to the window.

Thank goodness the bathroom does have a window.

I pull it open, and then slide my body through.

In seconds, I find myself outside, gripping onto a tree branch.  I climb upside-down to the bottom of the tree.  Once I reach the bottom, I sneakily dash away.  I have to resist the urge to return to running on two feet.

I quickly find my destination and search the area for a certain somebunny who has been waiting for a little too long.

Ah, there he is!

"Hey!" I whisper into a bush.  "It's me!"

A furry face peeks out at me.

"Look, I won't be going back to your burrow today.  I have things I need to do here in town, but I'm sending you back.  Here, take these apple pies."  I slip the pies into the bush.  "I was going to keep one for myself, but if I do that, then Twilight will notice, and then she might ask Applejack about it, and then they might figure out that I stole them, and...  Look, just take the pies.  And take this mushroom too!"

I push the mushroom into the bush too.

"Take it!  Take it far away from here!  I can't do anything here without worrying about the stupid thing trying to scare everyone around me!"

A chattering noise escapes the bush.

"Yeah, that's all.  Go on.  I have to get back before anypony notices that I left."

As I turn away and begin to head back, I can't help but wonder what I've gotten myself into.

I hope I can figure out an excuse to get away before two days pass.

Not because the potion's power will run out at that time.  After all, I could make another.

The problem is, I don't think I could bear to actually make it or drink it and force myself to do this a second time!

Whatever I'm going to do with Twilight to make her give me what I need, I have to do it quick, before I lose my mind.

Speaking of which…

I open the door and go back downstairs to find Twilight.

“So…” she begins.  “I was thinking, finding this mysterious unicorn should be our top priority, so I thought-“	

“Hold on,” I interrupt her.  “Before you finish that thought, I just want to let you know something.  There’s no way we are actually going to manage to beat Discord.”

“Wh- what?”

“Discord is smarter than we are.  He’s more driven than we are.  He’s better than we are.  I’m just a regular old earth pony.  We don’t stand a chance of actually catching that guy, even if he is stripped of his powers.  He’s going to get us all one day, I just know it!  We’re screwed!  We’re screwed!  We’re screwed…”

When Twilight finally managed to find her ability to speak, she said, “I don’t understand!  If you believe that, why aren’t you scared of Discord?  And why are you trying to stop him at all if you think that we have no chance?”

I give her my best unnerving smile.

“Because I just love a challenge!”

She just looks at me as though I’m insane.







At about this time, somewhere deep underground beneath the Everfree Forest, all is not calm in a certain fungus filled cavern.

The single light in the cave rapidly blinks brighter and then softer again in rapid succession.

And then, suddenly, the light very briefly becomes blindingly bright as a bolt of lightning that has surprisingly little to do with electricity shoots through the air.

The thunder crack, although loud, is not heard by any living thing with ears.  It is too far removed from the forest above.

Now the light is steady once again.

But only for now.
> Polka Face
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I awake with a start, my senses alerting me to a disturbance.  Instantly I am wide awake and scanning the area for the source of the disturbance.

Oh.  It's only Twilight coming into the room.

This is the second time I have found myself spending a night inside this library.  Fortunately, this time, I am supposed to be here.  I am laying on a mattress that Twilight apparently keeps around for overnight guests.  She set it up in the main room of the library for me to crash on.

I haven't physically moved at all yet.  I haven't even opened my eyes.  Ergo, she has no way of knowing that I am now awake.

Hang on.  I better check something.

I crack my eyes open just a tiny bit and look at myself.

Yep, still disguised.

Actually, last night, after I was certain that Twilight and Spike were asleep, I pulled out my magic potion and downed the rest of the whole thing all at one.

I didn't want to take any chances.  Drinking the whole thing was the best way of ensuring that my disguise wouldn't accidently disappear at an inopportune moment.  Particularly if I was asleep when it happens.

Twilight is slowly approaching me, clearly being careful to make as little noise as possible.

Is she coming to wake me up perhaps?

Well, if so, she has another thing coming.

I wait until Twilight stops right beside the mattress, and then, in the blink of an eye, I shoot up into sitting position, launching the blanket off of my top half in the process, and turn my head to stare wide eyed into Twilight's soul.

"Agh!" cries Twilight, stumbling backward from the sudden shock.

Got her.

After a moment, she speaks.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up like that!  I was just coming to check on you!  Well, actually, no, I was going to wake you up, but I was going to be gentle!  I was trying to be as quiet as I could!  You must be a rather light sleeper!"

I say nothing, but keep staring into her eyes, knowing that it will make her uncomfortable.

"Um, Rhombus?"

As I keep staring, I can't help but noting every detail in her eyes.

Especially the veins in them.

Unbidden, my subconscious creates a fractal in my mind's eye that fills in the unseen portions of the veins in her eyeballs, and suddenly I am looking at a tangled mess of grossness.

I immediately tear my gaze away and shake my head violently, trying to forget what just happened.

I really shouldn't have done that.

Normally, this part of my mind is extremely helpful.  For instance, whenever I summon objects that are actually complex beyond my understanding (which is usually organic matter), somehow my subconscious fills in the gaps of my knowledge for me.  I don't know how it does it, and I don't really care to know either.  The important thing is that it is usually very useful.

Of course, sometimes it can also be annoying or unpleasant.  The thing that just now happened being a perfect example of why.

"You startled me," I lie, cleverly covering up my stupidity.

"Well, you did just now wake up," answered Twilight.  "It's perfectly reasonable to be confused for a bit."

"I'm fine.  In fact, I'm excellent!  Ready to take on the day!  Um, please tell me that you have something to do that doesn't involve interrogating me for hours on end?"

Twilight spent the entire evening questioning me about the exact details of how my ability to sense magic works.  I answered 'I don't know' to the vast majority of her questions, much to her disappointment.

Much of the time, I wasn't even lying.  I don't know how it works, it just does!  It was actually a relief whenever Spike would interrupt her flow of questions with his own questions, or just to talk to me about something.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," answered Twilight.  "We have already decided that locating and identifying this unicorn who is helping Discord should be our top priority given the current circumstances."

"So what are we supposed to do, wander all over Equestria hoping that I can spot their magic?  That sounds like way too much work!"

"I agree.  It would be highly inefficient.  However, we do know at least two things about this pony: They are very highly educated in magic, and they have a very large amount of power to put that knowledge to use.  The magic that this pony performed on Discord's behalf was nothing short of incredible.  In fact, the only pony who lives in Ponyville who is capable of that much magic is myself!

"Now, since we can clearly rule me out as a suspect, that means that they must not live in Ponyville.  It would also be reasonable to assume that the pony either at one point or another attended Celestia's school in Canterlot, since it is simply the only place in Equestria where one can receive that kind of training, or the pony was taught by somepony who attended the school."

"So, what are you proposing?  That we go and find every living pony who has ever passed through that school and check to see if they are who we are after?"

"Actually, you are partially correct," answered Twilight.  "Of all of the ponies to ever pass through that school, only a tiny portion ever reach the level of power and skill that the mysterious unicorn has.  Whoever it is, they clearly possess the ability to not only teleport themselves, but teleport others as well.  Not only this, but they also somehow managed to summon a ton of material to create into giant chess pieces.  I would be willing to bet that whoever it is specializes in conjuration, so that might help narrow down the list further.  All things considered, I should be able to list every possible suspect in just one list!"

"But you don't know everyone who has been to that school.  You'll have to actually go there to find out."

"Yes, exactly."

"You're seriously telling me that you want to drag me to Canterlot and help you filter through a giant list of names?  I would rather die!"

"Calm down!  I didn't say that you had to go!"

"Oh, thank- goodness...  Alright then, but what am I supposed to do?  Sit on my rear until you get back?"

"Actually, I was thinking that you should patrol around Ponyville, and keep an eye out for trouble."

"I have a feeling that Discord is going to leave us alone for a while.  Do I really have to?"

"We can't just drop our guard because ‘you have a feeling’," Twilight answers back in a slightly lecturing tone.

"Alright, fine, but you do know that I have no idea where anything is in this town?"

"I already thought of that!" answers Twilight happily.  "I already asked one of my friends to accompany you.  You've even met them already, although the meeting was brief."

"Rarity?" I say, bemused.  If I have to spend the day with that mare, this is going to be one dull, dull day.

"Nope!  Pinkie Pie!"

Oh, really?  Now I'm intrigued!  Spending the day with the one element that I actually approve of?  This could make for a very interesting day...

Actually, I suppose the element of magic isn't so bad.  Both the pony and the actual element, I mean.  After all, I use magic myself.  It’s not quite the same, but it’s close enough.

"I suppose that could work," I answer Twilight.

"So when is she supposed to show up?"

Twilight looked over to a clock on the wall.

"At eight o'clock.  That's about thirty minutes from now.  Which reminds me, we need to hurry to catch the train!  The sooner we get to Canterlot, the more time I'll have to find our suspects."

"We?"

"I meant Spike and I.  I'm going to take him with me.  He can't stay here all by himself after all."

Suddenly, I say something that I immediately regret.

"I could keep an eye on him, if you need me to."

WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT!

"That's okay, I don't mind spending time with him, even if we are going to be working.  In fact, I can work faster with him helping me.  And, if nothing else, I already promised him we would grab donuts."

"Alright then, that sounds all fine and dandy!  You should be getting along then!"

"Yeah, you're right.  Oh, and by the way, if anything bad does happen, Pinkie Pie will help you figure out how to deal with it.  She is more capable than she might appear."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Right..." said Twilight slowly.  "I'm going to fetch Spike, and then we will be on our way."

Twilight disappeared upstairs, and then shortly came back with the diminutive dragon following her.

"Hey Rhombus," said Spike as he saw me.  "And, uh, goodbye too, I suppose."

"Be careful," said Twilight to me.

"Relax," I assure her.  "Nothing bad is going to happen."

"Let's hope not.  Goodbye."

And then Twilight opened the front door, and they left.

And now, here I am, all alone.

I take a quick glance at the clock.  Still twenty-seven minutes to wait.

There's no way I'm going to sit still for that long.

I suddenly make a mad dash up the stairs, cackling manically, and try the door to Twilight's room.  It's unlocked.

I poke my head in and I envision what a terrifically chaotic mess I could-

No, I can't do that.  Not only can I not blow my cover, but I already have decided to stop causing trouble until the heat on me dies down.

Still, that won't stop me from rummaging through her drawers!

I fling one drawer open and inside I discover-

Socks.

Rows and rows of excessively organized and tidy socks.

A few pairs are solid purple.  They're exactly the same shade as her coat.  Why?  What's the point of wearing them if nopony can tell that you are in fact wearing them!

Others are pitch black with star constellations on them.  There are blue ones with stripes.  There is even a pair that is white with nerdy math written all down the sides.

And here is a group of fourteen pairs of socks that seem to all go together.  There are two pairs for each different color of the rainbow, including indigo.

Trying carefully to not pull the socks apart from one another, as I am certain I would never be able to put them back to the way that they were, I manage to catch a glimpse of some writing in the interior of one of the red sock bundles.

'Sunday'.

Are you serious...?

Yep, the orange ones have 'Monday' written on them.

She has a different pair of socks for each day of the week.

I've finally had enough of snooping through the sock drawer.  I put the last pair back where I found it.  The drawer isn't as neat as it was before, but that can't be helped.  Hopefully, Twilight won't question it too much.

I just stand back and silently contemplate what I have discovered.

I don't even know what to think at this point.  I'm pretty sure that teasing Twilight about her sock collection wouldn't even achieve anything.  Somehow, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't even be embarrassed.

I feel like I should be repulsed by the feminity that I have just encountered, but that is not the case either.  After all, they belong to a female, not to me.  Just as it should be.

I don't even feel the usual rush of glee from digging around in somepony else's stuff.

The only thing I feel right now is confusion.

...

Eventually, I decide that I need to stop standing here like an idiot and actually do something.

I look around again and see an end table next to Twilight's bed.  There's a book on top of it, but I don't bother reading the title.  The end table has a drawer in it, and I'm far more interested in what she keeps out of sight.

I pull it open.

I feel a little disappointed.

The drawer is almost completely empty.  All there is is a roll of clear masking tape.

I start to close the drawer again, but at the last minute, I fling it wide open again.

I snatch the tape and then slam the drawer shut.

And then I rush out the door.  As though I might be caught.

Which is ridiculous.  But, still, I don't care, it's fun to pretend.

I hurry to the front door of the library.

I give the door a quick look over and notice that, as I had hoped, the frame is not flush with the door itself.  The frame is this sort of bulging round wood thing all around the door.

I start snickering as I pull free a ribbon of tape and attach the free end to one side of the door frame, and then pull the tape across to the opposite end, and then cutting it.

And I do it again.

And again and again and again.

Soon enough, the doorway is completely enveloped in a sheet of transparent tape.

I look around for something to get behind and quickly single out a particular arm chair as suitable.  I rotate it so that it is facing toward the door, and then jump behind it, poking my head out just a little to watch.

I turn back to the clock, curious about how long I'll have to wait.

It's five minutes 'til eight.

"Ughhh..." I groan to myself, annoyed at such a long delay.

Still, I'm not going to move.  I want to be right here when Pinkie comes through that door.

...

...

Suddenly, I see through the window the tell-tale sign of a pink blur shooting toward the library, moving at such a speed that I almost don't have time to realize what's happening.

The door flies open at the speed of light, opening into the tape, but somehow the tape doesn't break.  Instead, it stretches.  For just a moment, I see the image of Pinkie standing in the doorway, trying to force the door open with one hoof while bracing against the wall of the library with another, and her two back legs are bracing against the ground outside, leaning forward.  She looks very confused.

An instant later, the door slams shut as the tape rubber-bands it back into its closed state.  I see Pinkie's airborne form the window, flying rear-first away from the library.

I burst out laughing and run to the door and pull on the edges of the tape.  It stubbornly holds for a bit, but I quickly pull it free and, fortunately, the whole sheet of tape comes off of the door all at once.  I just wad the sheet up into a tape ball and toss it aside before walking outside.

Pinkie is back on her hooves, of course.

"Wow, that was a great prank Rhombus!" she cries cheerfully.

I return a genuine smile.

See, now HERE is a mare who knows how to handle a bit of fun!

"Looks like your Pinkie sense couldn't save you from that one, could it?" I remark.

"Actually, it did go off right before I opened the door, but I was moving too fast and I couldn't stop myself!"

"Well, I guess now I know how to circumvent your Pinkie sense now, huh?"

She let out a laugh.  "Don't let Discord hear you say that!"

Oh, he already knows.

"Anyway," she continues, "I brought you breakfast, since Twilight explained that she had to go before preparing you any!"

She produces a plate with a protective dome over it from the depths of her mane, and then lifts the dome up, revealing a stack of perfectly good pancakes soaked in syrup and butter.  Ordinarily, my little stunt would have ruined the delicious looking dish, but considering who it was who was carrying it, I can't say that I'm surprised that it survived.

"Huh.  Nifty," I say to her, reaching out to receive my breakfast, which she hoofs over with a smile.

"It would be pretty weird if I had already eaten and I was waiting around waiting for you to eat," Pinkie continued, "so I put off breakfast too!"

She produced yet another plate of pancakes from her impossible mane.

I focus on her mane in search of any spatial expansion spells or similar, but find nothing of the sort.  All that I can sense is a relatively small amount of Pinkie's special personalized brand of magic.  But nothing major.

Curious.  However, unlike a certain unicorn, I don't particularly care whether I understand the unknown.  It's nothing to get my beard in a knot over.

I now find myself seated at Twilight's dining table, with Pinkie Pie sitting on the opposite side from me, eating away.  It doesn't take long for her to start running her mouth, though.

"So, Twilight told me about how you're on a super-secret spy mission looking for signs of Discord!"

"You could say that," I answer neutrally.

"This.  Is going.  To be.  Awesome!" she exclaims.  "I just got some ninja gear that I've been wanting to try out!  We should-"

"Pinkie, that's a little excessive," I say back to her.  "We don't need to stay out of sight, we just need to be there if something bad happens."

"But there's no reason not to be ninjas, right?" she says, not discouraged in the least.  "It will be fun!"

"I've tried the sneaking around thing," I answer.  "It's not something I particularly enjoy.  I'm all for making this fun, but how about a different idea instead?"  Yes, I am fully aware of how thick the irony here is.

"Like what?" she asks cheerfully.

"I don't know." I answer.

What do ponies like to do for fun anyway?  Pretty much all of the forms of entertainment that I know involve causing chaos that would currently cause me more problems than it's worth.  Is there anything I can do with a pony that is actually fun for the both of us?

I can't think of anything...

Although, if it is possible, Pinkie Pie is admittedly my best shot for it.

Suddenly, a random thought floats through my head.

I grin at Pinkie.

"Hey," I say to her to grab her attention, which she gives instantly.  "This doesn't have anything to do with ideas for what to do today, but I remembered it when you mentioned your ninja gear.  Have you ever been to a ninja parade?"

Pinkie gives of an enormous gasp.  "A!  Ninja!  Parade!?  That has to be the most fantabulous thing I have ever heard!  Why hasn't anypony ever told me about this before?"

"Well, that would be because not many ponies actually know," I explain, grinning at how easy it is to trick this gullible pink mare.  "The ninjas parade all over the entire town without ever being seen even once, by anypony!  Most ponies don't even realize that it's happening!"

"Whoa!  A whole group of ninjas!  How many?"

"Dozens."

"This is the greatest thing ever!  I had no idea!  I just have to attend this parade!  Do you know when and where the next parade is?"

"Oh, sure.  As a matter of fact, the next one is tomorrow, right here in Ponyville!"

"That has to be one of the most stupendously convenient coincidences in the history of history!" Pinkie screams.  "I'm so going to be there!"

I have to wonder if she even fully realizes what she is getting so excited over...

"But anyway, that's tomorrow, and we have a job to do today, so let's just focus on the present, shall we?"

Pinkie's face suddenly morphs into one of horror, to my utter confusion.

"But I don't have a present for you!" she wails.  "Was I supposed to bring you a present?  Twilight said that you didn't need a party since I've technically already met you before, so I didn't get you a pre-"

"Not a present!" I shout.  "The present!  As in, this moment in time!  Let's just focus on what is happening right now, okay!"

"OOOOOoooooohhhhhh...  Okay!  So, what fun thing are we going to do?"

"I can't think of anything,” I repeat.

"Hoofball?"

"Nope."

"Baking?"

"We can't do that while keeping an eye on the town."

Suddenly, I wonder why I shot this idea down.  Not that I'm any good at baking, but I happen to know that Pinkie Pie probably made those cakes that my minions stole for us that tasted so impossibly good.  I would love to know how she did it.  I know perfectly well that the town doesn't need watching, so why would I say no?

I guess if Twilight learns that we spent our whole day indoors though, she wouldn't be happy.  And I would rather keep her on my good side.  Oh well.

"Oh yeah," says Pinkie.  "Um, marching band?"

"...  Hmmm," I muse, intrigued.

Now that Pinkie mentions it, that could be a very excellent idea indeed.  There are precious few things that followers of the philosophies of harmony and disharmony can agree on, but one of those things is that we both tend to like music.

"That could work, actually," I tell Pinkie.  "But there is one problem.  I don't have any musical instruments.  I hope you have enough for both of us."

"Oh boy, do I!" exclaims Pinkie.  "Ever since that nasty invasion of parasprites, I've started collecting instruments in cases it ever happens again, and I don't want to have to run all over ponyville asking to borrow them from my friends!"

"You staved off a parasprite infestation with music?  Fascinating!" I say sincerely.

"Well, I see that you've finished your breakfast," remarks Pinkie.  "You're a pretty fast eater, just like me!  So, shall we go to Sugar Cube Corner so I can show you what our options are?"

"I still can’t believe you live in a sweets shop,” I remark.  Not that it doesn't sound like a fantastic idea.  If I were a pony, something like that sounds like it would be heaven.  I just can't believe that they would actually permit this mare to be in the vicinity of that much sugar all the time.

"Yep!  Mr. and Mrs. Cake own the place, but they let me stay in the extra room!"

"Huh.  Well, sounds good to me!" I answer.  "Lead onward!"

"Alright!" she exclaims, literally bouncing off of her seat.  "This is going to be fun!"

"Of course it will be, you'll have me with you."

"That's the spirit!" she answers back encouragingly.

I have to resist the urge to really laugh at this.  Pinkie Pie obviously has no way of knowing, but that last statement of hers is an incredibly ironic and coincidental play on words.

Heh, the spirit of chaos, that is.





"Tada!" Pinkie declares, throwing open a closet in her excessively pink room.

What I see inside is enough to at least raise my eyebrows in surprise.  Inside, there is a drum kit, trumpet, trombone, tuba, piano accordion, a set of harmonicas, a harp, clarinet, flute, three saxophones (tenor, alto, and bass), a french horn, bag pipes, a violin, a cello, and even a zither.

I give Pinkie a look of slight shock.

"You can play all of these?"

"Yep!  All of this and more!  I've been slowly building up my collection with my extra spending money from working here at the bakery!"

"Right.  Slowly."

"Yeah.  I figured that I should start with the basic instruments first, you know?  I would have a piano too, but those are kind of large, so I don't own one of those.  But I also can play timpani, oboe, bassoon, piccolo, recorder, ocarina, banjo, triangle, and chimes.  Oh yeah, and I can whistle and sing!"

In fact, I can honestly say that I too can play every single one of these instruments, but that is only because of my natural talent along with a boundless lifetime of study.  But Pinkie Pie clearly should not have had enough time to master such a ludicrously large assortment of instruments.  Which means that there is only one explanation.

Pinkie Pie, like myself, is a musical genius.

"Impressive," I admit to her aloud, although I am careful to not lay it on too thick.  "You obviously know your instruments.  But...  Do you know your music?"

"You bet I do!  I have hundreds of songs of all genres and for all instruments, but I already memorized them all."

"Oh really?" I answer her in a doubting tone.  Although, to be honest, I actually don't doubt her in the slightest.  I look around in the closet, searching for the perfect instrument.  Something less... conventional.

"Tell me..." I say as I reach out and grab the accordion.  I pull the instrument into position in front of me.  "Do you know how to... polka?"

I immediately begin playing fast paced music.

Pinkie almost instantly starts bobbing up and down in time with the rapid beat.

"Holy Guacamole!  You play polka?"

"You're looking at a master, my dear!"

"Oh!  I know just what this needs!"

Pinkie rushes past me and into the closet and I stop playing in order to watch her.  She snatches up the tuba and quickly pulls puts it around her neck.

"Don't stop!" she says.  "Keep doing what you were doing!"

And so I do.  And then she begins blowing into her own instrument, providing a fantastic background role in the improvised duet.

Suddenly, the door opens and a head pokes through, causing us to cease our musical genius.

"Oh!" says Pinkie.  "Hello Mrs. Cake!"

"What are you up to in here?" the new mare asks.  "I thought you were taking a day off to help Miss Twilight Sparkle with something important!"

"Oh, I am!" said Pinkie.  "This is part of it!  Don't worry, we won't be here for long!"

Mrs. Cake turns her head to look at me.

"I see that you have a guest.  I'm Mrs. Cake.  It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Um... I'm Rhombus."

"A pleasure, Rhombus.  I can see that you two are busy, however.  I'll leave you to it.  Just... don't take too long."

"You've got it Mrs. Cake!" exclaimed Pinkie.

The mare slowly shut the door.

"We need to keep our promise to Mrs. Cake, so let’s figure out what we’re going to do," says Pinkie Pie.  "So, what do you think?  Wanna have a marching polka party?

"This sounds like a most excellent idea," I agree, grinning.

"Then we should make sure that we're on the same page!" she responds.  And then she laughs.  "Same page, get it?"

She suddenly grabs a case inside the closet and pulls the latches open, which cause the contents to explode out from being overstuffed into it.  And now there are music books everywhere.

"Here we are!" cries Pinkie, almost instantly locating the books she wants.  Specifically, the polka ones.

"So, which of these do you want to do?"

"Eh, let's just do all of them."

Pinkie gasps.  "All of them!  Do you have any idea how long that will take?"

"Er..." I’m unsure how to answer now.  Did I just upset her?

"This is going to be so much fun!" she screams in glee.  "Here!" she continues, sliding the books across the floor to me.  "You can use these!  I don't need them."

I pick up the books and look through them.  "Ha!  You think you're the only one who can memorize this stuff?  I don't need these books either!"

"Cool!  That's pretty fortunate since attaching a mounted lyre to an accordion is pretty hard.  Oh, and by lyre, I mean a music stand, not the stringed instrument that looks kind of like a harp.  That would be silly."

I don't answer her.  I'm too busy quickly flipping through the pages making sure that I can remember the music.

Suddenly, I hear a weird buzzing noise right in my ear.

I snap my head to look at Pinkie Pie, who is holding the mouthpiece of her tuba up to her lips and giving me a silly smile.

She buzzes into the mouthpiece again, causing me to lean away from her slightly.

"Hey, Pinkie, do you have another tuba sized mouthpiece?" I ask.

"Sure!  I have another one in just in case!  Here you go!"

She produces the requested mouthpiece in her hoof without even needing to move anywhere to retrieve it.

I take it from her and immediately start buzzing in her ears.

This causes her to burst out into giggles and do it to me some more.

Which naturally causes me to do it to her some more, accompanied by only partially suppressed snickers.

And we just keep on doing it and doing it.

What has happened to my life that I find myself in this situation? I mentally ask myself.  How in Equestria did I wind up next to this mare making borderline obscene noises at each other like two immature foals?

Suddenly, Pinkie pops her mouthpiece back into her tuba, and then points the bell of the instrument at my head before blowing into it.

She doesn't make the noise very loud, but my honor has been challenged all the same.

"Oh yeah?" I say to her.  "Well, if that's the way it's going to be..."

Without finishing my sentence, I walk back into her closet again and open up the trombone case.  I quickly assemble the lengthy instrument, and then point it at the pink mare, and blow into it.

A sound that perfectly imitates the pitch of the sound from her tuba emerges from the trombone.

Pinkie bursts out laughing.  "Pedal B flat!  I wasn't expecting that!  Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Well, if you think that was something, let me see the tuba for a second."

She obliges without question, although she removes her mouthpiece first.  I pull it over my head and then insert the mouthpiece that she previously gave me, and then buzz into it.

A note emerges that is so outrageously low in pitch that I can actually feel the floor vibrate.

A perfect pedal F, with a tuba.

"Whoa..." says Pinkie.  "That made me feel funny."

Suddenly, I sense that somepony is approaching Pinkie's door again.  It opens and Mrs. Cake pokes her head inside the room once again.

"Ah... are you two quite done yet?  Whatever you just did caused some of the dishes to slide across their tables."

"Sorry Mrs. Cake!  We'll be going now!" says Pinkie quickly.

"Well... alright then.  I'll see you this evening, I suppose?"

"Yepperoni!  Rhombus, do you want the accordion or the tuba?"

"Huh?  Oh.  I'll take the accordion."





Soon enough, Pinkie and myself have found ourselves standing at an intersection of streets outside.

"Ready when you are, Pinks," I declare.

"Let's get this party started!  A-one!  A-two!  A-one-two-three!"

We launch into our first number of the day and immediately draw the attention of everypony around us.  Strangely, we did not already have their attention from simply standing here with these instruments.  I suppose the ponies in this town are used to oddities though.  Most of them are watching us with looks of surprise or confusion.

Pinkie leads the way as she begins dancing through the street, never missing a beat.  I follow her example.

To my delight, most of the ponies around us are beginning to follow after us, their curiosity demanding that they witness what is to become of this bizarre spectacle.

As we dance and play through the town, we're picking up more and more followers.

They're not dancing.  Why are they not dancing?

"Come now, everypony!" I cry out to our following crowd.  "Shake those hooves!  Do you not know how to polka?"

The ponies look at each other, wearing expressions of uncertainty.

I let out a fake gasp, loud enough to be heard over the music.  "You don't?  Well, I cannot allow this to go corrected!  Rejoice, everypony, and prepare to be educated to dance the polka!"





"Hey Rhombus, I'm hungry," says Pinkie after our latest song ends.

We stop in our tracks.

"Hmm.  Now that you mention it, I could eat something myself.  How much longer until lunch time?"

"It's past noon," answers Pinkie, requiring no clock.

"What?  Have we really been going for that long?" I ask, astonished.

"Yep!  Time really does fly when you're having a good time, right?"

The opposite is true when you're trapped in a statue, I'm afraid.

"I guess that explains why so many of the ponies following us have left," I muse.  "These ponies are surprisingly fast learners, but they must be tired from all of that dancing."

"Don't worry about that, all of the colts and fillies will be getting out of school before too long, and then we'll have a whole new batch of ponies to dance with!  Unless you're getting tired too?"

"Of course not!" I answer.  "I could do this all day!"

"Well, not before we have lunch."

"You want to swap instruments after?" I suggest.

"You got it!"

Pinkie Pie turns to look at the remaining group of ponies who are watching us expectantly.

"We're going to take a quick lunch break!" she calls to them.  "But we'll be back in just a few minutes!"





As Pinkie and I are performing our latest masterpiece, I am suddenly surprised to notice that Twilight is suddenly lingering beside the small crowd of ponies following after us.  Spike is sitting comfortably on her back.  I look over at Pinkie Pie, who I can see has also noticed her.

It wouldn't be fitting to interrupt the song, of course, so we keep on performing until we reach its conclusion.  Twilight doesn't seem to mind, however.  She patiently waits and follows.

She's not dancing, but I can't blame her.  In all likelihood, she has no idea how to polka.

Finally, the song ends, and Pinkie Pie calls out, "Hey there Twi!"

Twilight breaks away from the group of ponies and walks forward to meet us.

"Hello you two," she says as she draws near.  "I must say, when I came to find you, I certainly wasn't expecting to find you doing this!  You look like you're having fun."  She addressed this last sentence at me.

I shrug back at her.  "I am having fun," I answer matter-of-factly.

"Well, I'm sorry I missed it," said Twilight.  "But I did manage to compile a fairly short list of possible suspects."

She produces this list and holds it up in the air.  It is rolled up, but she unrolls it before my eyes.  It eventually reaches all the way to the ground before it stops.

For Twilight, this is indeed short.

"Hmm," I answer neutrally.

"So..." continues Twilight.  "It's getting late.  Just how long have you two been at this anyway?"

"Well, we started at about, oh, eight-thirty?" I say.

Twilight immediately becomes dumbstruck at this statement.

"You two have been dancing and playing polka through the streets of Ponyville for NINE HOURS STRAIGHT!?"

"Well," says Pinkie, unbothered by her friend's tone, "we did have a ten minute lunch break."
> Good Job Discord
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

My time is quickly running out.  I should have tried to extract the information as to the whereabouts of my powers out of Twilight yesterday, but I simply had no idea how I could possibly go about doing it.  Now I have until about noon today before my disguise drops.

Which is why I now find myself waiting to greet Twilight as she comes down the stairs in the library.

"Well, I wasn't expecting to find you up and awake this early," she commented upon seeing me.

Well, it's time to go for it.

I hope this works.

"I'll get straight to the point," I said quickly.  "I know how we can lure Discord out."

"Really?" asks Twilight in surprise.

"Really.  Involving those crystals I mentioned a couple of days ago.  I think it should be possible to make them give off a false magical aura very similar to his own powers.  He will not be able to resist.  There is only one catch.  I need to know where his powers actually are."

This has gotta work, this has gotta work, this has gotta work-

"I don't know where Princess Celestia has hidden Discord's powers."

My hopes plummet to the bottom of my stomach like a rock.

"But- but you're the Princess's student!" I protest, making little effort to hide how upset I am suddenly.  "You're the one tasked with trying to reform Discord and you don't even know where his powers are being kept?"

"I'm sorry, but it's true!" insisted Twilight.  "The Princess is only providing that knowledge on a need-to-know basis, and I don't!  Need to know, that is.  There is the slight possibility that Discord could trick me into giving him that knowledge, but I cannot tell him what I do not know, so it is far less risky this way!"

Curse Celestia.  Curse her for being so clever!

"Well, then ask the Princess where his powers are then!" I cry.

"That's the other thing," said Twilight hesitantly.  "This plan of yours, it's- well, it's not right!  We're trying to reform Discord!  If we trick him and capture him, gaining his trust would most likely become almost impossible!"

"I can't believe you still want to reform Discord!" I cry with genuine confusion.  "I thought we were trying to detain a dangerous delinquent!  What about what he did to your friend, Rarity?  What about what he did to you?  And what about what he did to me?"

"He's just trying to be himself!" Twilight cried back.  "And he didn't actually hurt anypony!  At least, not physically!  Did he hurt you?"

"Well, no.  Of course not."

"Forgive me for being blunt," said Twilight, "but I think Discord needs your forgiveness!  No, he does not deserve it, but he does need it!  Discord would not even consider becoming a friend of ponykind if he believes that ponies everywhere will forever ostracize him because of the past!  He does not deserve to be forgiven, at least not yet, but hopefully one day he will, and he will be grateful that you gave him a second chance!"

I am utterly baffled right now.  I thought I thoroughly understood this whole friendship thing.  But apparently I was wrong, because apparently friendship is so incredibly stupid that preemptive forgiveness is a thing!

Not that I need to be forgiven for anything.  But still, why in the realm of chaos would any sane mare still be so incessantly unrelenting in this foolish quest to 'reform' me, after everything she has been through?

I realize that I am staring at her, speechless.

This is starting to become a not-uncommon occurrence, it seems.  Which is disturbing.  Somehow, this twenty-or-so year old has repeatedly left the multi-millennia aged spirit of chaos itself speechless.

"What makes you think that you have the slightest chance of befriending Discord?" I ask, very interested in what possible answer Twilight could have for that.

"I have realized that making friends with Discord with things the way that they currently are is impossible."

AHA!  YOU ADMIT IT!

"Which is why I am seriously considering the best method to employ to allow Discord to have his powers back."

"YOU WANT TO GIVE DISCORD HIS POWERS BACK?!"

My mind is blown again.  How does this keep happening to me?  How strange ability does Twilight Sparkle possess that allows her to so completely perplex me again and again?

"I know!" she cries at me.  "It does sound like a really bad idea, and it easily could backfire in a very bad way!  That is why I am considering it so carefully!"

"You mean that you're considering giving him back his powers before reforming him, right?"

"Yes!  Because I do not think it will be possible to get anywhere with him if I don't!"

"I cannot even begin to fathom how you came to that conclusion."

"Then allow me to demonstrate," answers Twilight.

She lights up her horn with magic and suddenly her chalk board is summoned through the air and lands in front of me.

Oh chaos no, not a lecture!

I am about to protest, but at the last moment I decide to hold my tongue and see where she's going with this, if only because I want the truth.

"The heart of the matter is motivation," explained Twilight, writing the word in large letters on the board.

"What?"  I'm totally lost.

"Just give me a minute to explain," insists Twilight.  "Now then, regardless of what species you are, every living thing has motivations, and aspirations.  Take myself, for example.  I am motivated by a pursuit of knowledge, for the sake of knowledge, and also for the sake of the betterment of pony kind.  But we will get to that in a moment."

She writes the word 'knowledge' above the first word, in smaller print, and then draws a line to it.

"But my friend Rainbow Dash is unquestionably not motivated by knowledge.  She is however motivated by competition."

Twilight writes his on the board to.

"In other words, she aspires to demonstrate that she is the most 'awesome' mare in Equestria.  She desires to prove her superiority over others, at least in one specific category.

"Now, I know what you must be thinking.  It sounds terrible when I put it in thoes words, but they are true all the same.  Rainbow Dash does sometimes act in arrogance, but her competitive nature also provides her with a wide selection of activities to bond with others.  Most importantly, aspiring for superiority is one of the things that motivates Discord."

I narrow my eyes at her as I begin to understand what she is doing here.  She is analyzing me, attempting to understand me.  Something which I obviously hate.

And yet, so far, she is correct.  I do feel the need to prove my superiority.  It would be senseless to deny it just to spite Twilight.

"And," Twilight continues, "it is through this motivation that Rainbow Dash most strongly resembles Rarity."

Twilight thinks that Rarity and Rainbow Dash have something in common?  That's absurd.  Although... Rarity is motivated by competition, isn't she?  She dreams of being the most desirable fashion brand in Equestria, and in order to achieve that, she is going to have to surpass her competition.

Well, imagine that.  I guess those two do have something in common.

"Although," continues Twilight, "Rarity's motivation is more of a hybrid of competition and..."

She writes another word on the board as she pauses.  I realize that she is making a circle of words around the giant 'motivation' word.

"Popularity," Twilight finishes.  "Although, Pinkie Pie admittedly has her beat when it comes to popularity.  And then, we have ponies who are motivated by material gain..."

She pauses and writes the word 'wealth' on the board.

"I simply don't have any friends who are motivated by wealth to any significant degree.  To be perfectly honest, I consider the pursuit of wealth to be profligacy.  Imprudent.  Folly.  Yet it is undeniable that there are some who are motivated by it anyway.

"And then we have a motivation for simply having fun-"

"Excuse me," I interrupt.  "How many more of these are there?"

"I'm almost done!" Twilight protested.  "I've been talking for less than five minutes, for goodness sake!

"Now, as I was saying.  Some ponies are motivated by fun.  Pinkie Pie once again being a nigh matchless example of such.  Although, I have observed that very nearly everypony has this motivation to some degree.  And Discord has it too.  He fulfills his desires for having fun in questionable ways, but there is no denying that it does drive him."

Well... fair enough, I suppose.  Although, really she is just stating the obvious.  Who doesn't love to have fun?

"A person can also be motivated by their families.  In some ways, it is similar to popularity because it involves making others the focus of your attention. My friend Applejack is the obvious example here, but, perhaps surprisingly, Fluttershy, another friend of mine, also provides unceasing care for her adopted family of critters.  However, as far as I know, Discord is the only draconequues in the world, and I don't even know if he has a family.  If he doesn't, then this category is probably the weakest one for him, particularly since I don't really see him as the adopting type. 

"And my final category is motivation by a great cause," Twilight continued.  She wrote the words 'great cause' on her board.  "Admittedly, this last category is something of a catch-all, as it can encompass a staggering number of different things.  For example, I am motivated by my devotion to the cause of friendship and harmony, and I am devoted to the cause of the betterment of the Kingdom of Equestria, all of which are greater causes.  And Discord... he is devoted to the cause of chaos, which also falls under this category."

"Now, by plotting out a pony's affinity for these different motivations as a numerical value, we can create a radar chart.  By looking at the shape of that chart, you can get a general idea of that pony's personality and values.  Now, let's say that this is Discord's radar chart."

For the next several dozen seconds, she scribbles away on the chalk board.  Eventually, she finishes, and I resist the urge to scoff at what she produced.  It could be more accurate.  Still, it isn't inaccurate either.  I suppose.

"Okay..." I say uncertainly.

"Now, watch.  This is what happens to Discord's chart when you take away his powers."

She quickly erased some lines and replaced them.

The new chart immediately gains my full attention.  The motivations of fun is almost bottomed out now, and competition is greatly reduced, but the motivation of great cause is now a giant spike that extends beyond the borders of her chart.

"So, let me make sure I understand you correctly," I begin.  "You say that taking Discord's power away has removed his motivations for having fun, and greatly reduced his motivation for competition."

"Exactly."

"But that can't be true," I argue.  "Discord still wants to prove that he is better than everypony else, whether he has his powers or not."

"Which is why that he gets as high a score in that area as he does.  But the plain fact of the matter is that removing his powers makes him less superior.  And all of the value that was removed from the motives of fun and competition have been relocated into great cause."

"As what, specifically?"

"Vengeance", answered Twilight darkly.  "His devotion to chaos is still as strong as ever, but now he is surely also being driven by a desire for revenge for taking his powers away in the first place.  The result is this giant ugly spike in the chart, but it's worse than that.  With such low values in all other categories, the total area of his chart is alarmingly low.  This is not a good thing, not in the slightest.  And furthermore, this is our fault.  And the only way that I can see to make it right is for Discord to get his powers back."

...

...

Did Twilight Sparkle seriously just use logic to conclude that the spirit of chaos needs to have his powers returned to him?

"I think I'm beginning to understand," I answer plainly, at a normal tone of voice, although with confusion still in my voice.  "Have it your way.  But...  I still think you should at least use my plan as a backup.  You do believe in backup plans, right?"

Twilight did not answer me immediately.  She's just standing there, weighing my argument.

Finally, she begins to speak.

"The chances of Discord doing something that is so horrible that he needs to be captured against his will are... frankly, not insignificant," she admits hesitantly.

"Exactly," I insist, despite feeling slightly offended.

"Very well then.  But before I outright agree to go along with your plan, even as a backup, I want to discuss it with the Princess, and present your arguments to her.  I'm sorry for initially disagreeing with you.  Discord needs to be given another chance, but your concerns are valid all the same."

Oh, thank chaos, she's going to do it!  She's actually going to do it!  She's not guaranteed to get the answer, of course, but my role in this has succeeded completely!  Which means that it is time to make myself scarce...

"Excellent," I declare to Twilight.  "While you are busy with that, I have stuff that I need done in the meantime.  It shouldn't take but a few hours."

I have already decided that, in spite of my hatred of this disguise and the uncomfortable situations that it forces me to be a part of, I have to recreate the potion one last time.  I'm much too close to obtaining what I want to chicken out now, for as stupid a reason as 'it makes me uncomfortable'.  And so I plan on using this time to hurry back into the cave and make more of that potion.

"You'll take somepony with you, right?" asked Twilight in concern.  "Discord could very well be in a bad mood still."

"Don't worry, I'll bring somepony to watch my back..." I grumble.  This, of course is a lie.  Even if I did need to have my back watched, and I don't, I know for certain that 'Discord' isn't going to attack me.

And then I pull the front door open and begin the trek back to the jackalope cave.





As I draw near to my destination, I suddenly feel something very strange at the edge of my magic sense.

Something very wrong.

I accelerate my pace, and I quickly find myself crawling into the chamber housing my minions.

They immediately begin to chatter at me, but I don't have time to stop to deal with them.

There is no doubt about it now.  Something is very very very wrong with the primal magic node.

If I didn't know better, and I don't, I'd say that it's surging like wild.

That's bad.  That's BAD.  That's really really BAD.  That is so bad.  It's sooooo bad.  It's so bad that it's not even funny.

What in Equestria is going on down there?

"No time to explain!" I shout hastily as I hastily gather up the bare necessities for spelunking.  "Something is very wrong and I have to go see what in the name of chaos is going on!"

The jackalopes make all kinds of concerned noises, but I ignore them at this point.

Now I'm ready.  I light the lamp and dash into the cave.

I don't waste any time taking in the sights.  There's no time for that.

Before I can even reach the mushroom chamber, I start to see wildly fluctuating lights all over the place, originating from deeper within.

The surge of magic is almost overwhelming to my senses.  And that is really saying something.

I make a mad dash deeper into the cave.

BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD- oh.

I stop chanting this one word in my head as I finally reach the freakin' primal magic node, which basically looks like a rainbow lightning storm filling up the whole chamber.

Yep, BAD.

Suddenly, I realize that I am well and truly terrified right now.  Even if I had my full power, I don't know if I could stop this.

Then the thing starts exploding.

I throw my paw and claw to my ears, trying to keep out the incredibly loud sounds coming from the node.  Finally, it stops.

What do I do what do I do what do I do

I know perfectly well that the situation will only continue to spiral out of control and become worse if nobody stops it.

I rather like living in Equestria.  I'd rather it not become irreparably damaged.

But what the heck am I supposed to do?!  I feel so helpless right now!

Suddenly, an idea pops into my head.  An incredibly stupid idea.  One that certainly won't work.

It's still better than standing around like a moron.

I approach the node, ignoring the overwhelming magic that is pulsing from it.

It is incredibly fortunate that I am naturally magically resistant.

"STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STAHP!" I cry at the thing, as though it could hear me.

Of course, it can't.

"You've got to stop!" I scream at it, and I reach my arms out toward it.

And then I cup my paw and claw together, hoping to smother the magic out.

WHY AM I SUCH A FREAKIN' IDIOT THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK!

The light in the cavern becomes much dimmer as a result of my actions, but there is still blinding light shooting out from the cracks between my hands.

Suddenly, I realize that this light is growing dimmer too.  It starts off slowly, but the dimming rapidly accelerates and suddenly the light is gone almost before I can blink.

"What?!" I scream aloud, uncupping my hands and staring dumbfounded at the empty, open air that the node previously occupied.  "There's no way!"

A node disappearing from the world was just somehow fundamentally wrong to me.  It can change, sure, but totally vanish?  That shouldn't have happened.  I reach out with my senses, searching for the magic.

My attention is drawn to the mushrooms growing in the cavern.  They have traces of the node's magic within them still, but of the bloated, out of control kind.  In fact, they are outright sick with magical oversaturation.

What in the world, mushrooms!  You were supposed to keep this thing under control!  What happened?

The answer hits me immediately as I continue looking around and realize that there are significantly fewer fungi than when I first discovered the cave.

Uh oh.

I abandon this trail of thought.  The mushrooms have traces of the magic still left within them, but the source is still mysteriously and incredibly absent, and I am still completely flummoxed.

Suddenly a wild idea runs through my head and I give myself an extra-thorough magical inspection.  I am partially relieved and also partially terrified to discover that I did not somehow absorb the magical energy or something.  That would have been bad.  Of course, whatever is going on here is still bad.

The magic is just gone.

That's not how magic works.  It doesn't just rage out of control one moment and then vanish in the next.  Something must have happened to it.

The magic had to have done something, it must have created an effect of some sort.  It simply had to have.

And it terrifies me to no end that I haven't the faintest idea of what actually happened.

In spite of my mind screaming doubts and worries at me, I back away from where the node previously was and turn around and start running outta there.

"Everything is fine now," I verbally assure myself.  "Crisis averted.  No more wild magic explosions."

A natural source of magic has apparently just been obliterated and you have the audacity to say everything is fine!?

I mentally tell myself to shut up.

I don't listen to myself.

You do realize that there is no telling what effects that magic might have had when it dissipated? I tell myself.  If you're lucky, all of the magical energy discharged harmlessly.  If you're not, then you might well have caused a fundamental imbalance in nature!

"Why should I care?" I declare aloud, raving like a maniac.  "I change the balance of nature all the time!  No big deal!"

Yes, but you weren't in control!  Something tells me that you probably won't like whatever happened!  And you KNOW something happened!  You can feel it!  AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

"Not listening!" I cry out, staring at the cave wall, eyes probably glazed over.  "I'm in the middle of the eye of the hurricane and everything is fine until I can't stay in the eye anymore and then I'm going to have a problem and-"

"No, wait.  I don't know for sure that something bad happened.  I just have to go out and see for myself that there's absolutely nothing wrong!  Yes, I'll do that!  And I'll start by going back up and assuring my furry minions that there is absolutely nothing wrong!"
> This is Terrible
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's alright everybunny!" I declare as I walk back into the home of my minions.

Strangely, they respond in a way that I never would have expected.

They ignore me completely.

"Hey!" I shout, trying to draw their attention.  "Did you hear me?"

They continue to ignore me completely.

"Look, I didn't do anything wrong!" I cry out in anger.  "You're supposed to listen to what I say!"

Ignored.

"What in Equestria did I do?"

I huddle down in front of the nearest jackalope and stare her in the face.

She doesn't seem concerned in the slightest.

The sheer audacity!  This is intolerable!

"HEY!" I scream at her loud enough to knock her over.

She scrambles to her feet and looks around wildly.

"Don't you dare pretend that I don't exist!" I scream.

All of the jackalopes are looking confused now.

I can't believe this.  Well, if she refuses to acknowledge me, I have no choice but to force her to do so.

I pick her up in my paw and lift her into the air and in front of my face.

The critter immediately becomes terrified and starts struggling.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" I scream at her.

She lets out a wail of despair, and suddenly all of the others are looking all over the place.

Completely ignoring the fact that she is in plain view within my grasp.

"ARE YOU ALL DAFT?" I scream.

This is useless.  I drop the jackalope back to the ground.

All of the sudden, the others apparently notice her, finally, and rush to her side.  And she is just hugging the ground as though afraid that she is going to unexpectedly leave it again.

Something is definitely wrong here.  If they were ignoring me on purpose, they wouldn't be acting like this.

I can't help but feel that I know what might be behind this madness.

But why in Equestria would the magic target my jackalopes, of all creatures?  What did it do?  Did it turn them into blind dummies?

And more importantly, is anyone else affected?

I have to find out.

"If anybunny cares," I say aloud in frustration, "I'm leaving now."

I crawl out of the burrow and into the Everfree Forest and then attempt to use my sensory ability to locate the nearest living animal that isn't in the burrow.

I find a target.  A big one.

I run urgently to find it.

I don't have to go terribly far before I close in on the magical signature.  It's an ordinary bear, taking a nap under a rock outcrop.

"Hello?  Hellllloooooo?" I cry at it.  "Anyone home?"

To my immense relief, the bear stirs from its rest.  It lets out a yawn before opening it's eyes and looking round.

It doesn't spot me.

I'm standing right in front of it!

The bear starts to put its head back to the ground to doze off again, but I decide that I cannot allow that.

I grab its face and force it to look me in the eyes.

"I'm talking to you!" I shout at it.  "For the love of chaos, don't tell me that you're affected too!"

The bear starts to freak out and struggle within my grasp, looking panicked.

"Stop that!" I shout in annoyance.

It doesn't change its behavior in the slightest.

I'm pretty sure it can't hear me.

With a sigh, I release the creature and it jerks away from me instantly.

It starts looking wildly in every direction, looking for any signs of whatever it was that happened.

This is definitely very bad.  If this is widespread...

I have to check Ponyville.  If the ponies have also been affected by whatever this is, then they will be useless to me.





I'm out of the forest now, but I'm a little reluctant to just run into Ponyville.  After all, if it happens that they are not being affected by this, I probably would be turning myself in.

I take a moment to consider my options, and then decide to search for nearby living creatures once more.

There is a whole group of them nearby.

I run in their direction.

As it turns out, I happen upon a large group of cows grazing on grass.  That will do nicely.  If they can see me, then I can escape from them easily, and if they can't, then they will actually be able to say something when I get in their face and confuse them.

I step out into the open and lift my claw into the air in preparation to announce myself.

"Behold, you now stand in the presence of the master of bedlam!  My name is Discord, king of chaos!  Look on my works, ye mighty bovines, and despair!"

I observe the group, waiting for a reaction.  There isn't one.

No, wait.  There is one brown cow that has stopped grazing and is now looking around.

"Is everything okay?" asks one of her fellows.

"I could have sworn I heard something just now..." answers the brown cow uneasily.

"I didn't hear anything.  What did it sound like?"

"I- I don't remember!" answers the brown cow, sounding even more confused.

"It must have been your imagination."

The two cows lower their heads once again and resume grazing.

I stare dumbfounded.

And then I walk closer.  I don't stop until I'm standing right in front of the pair of cows who had spoken.

"I don't understand how this happened!" I declare out loud.  "You should be quaking with fear right now, but you can't seem to even realize that I exist at all!"

I reach out with my paw and, ever so gently, poke one of them in the cheek.

She shakes her head in slight annoyance.

Frustrated, I shove her backward.

"MOOOOOO!" she cries out in alarm.

This manages to draw the attention of the entire group, all of whom look at her in alarm.

"I- I apologize, I'm fine!" she assures them uncertainly.  "I don't know what came over me!  I was just minding my own business, and then... something strange happened!"

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"How did this happen?" I repeat out loud.  "How?  How now, brown cow?"

Of course, she offers me no answers.

I decide to leave them to it.  There is nothing more for me here.

That does it.  I'm marching into Ponyville right now.





Unfortunately, there are no screams of fright as I stroll down the streets of Ponyville, in supposed plain sight for everypony to see.

"Hey, you!  Quick question!  Can you see me?" I shout at a random pony.

They ignore me completely.

"Anypony who acknowledges me will be awarded with a lifetime supply of chocolate truffles!"

Even this isn't incentive enough to receive any responses.

By now, I'm standing in the middle of the town square.

"I can say whatever I want right now!" I scream into the air.  "Princess Celestia is a bloated tyrant who locks away threats to her rule!"

This incredible blasphemy doesn't so much as turn any heads.

"I'm not wearing any pants right now!"

Nothing.

"Chaos rules, harmony drools!"

Nothing.

"The wolf pony is headed this way and wants to know if he can borrow somepony's comb!"

Nothing.

"The first pegasus was created when I glued wings onto an earth pony!" I lie.

Nothing.

"I am a GARGANTUAN MORON!"

Nothing.

"Rainbow Dash is the lamest pony in history!"

To my dismay, no rainbow blur comes charging at my face.

"Still not talking, eh?  Did you know that Twilight Sparkle has the craziest sock collection?  She has socks with math equations written all over them!  What a nerd!"

Nothing.

This is really starting to get old.

"I'm going to make you all see me if it's the last thing I do!" I scream.

I run toward a certain eating establishment and barge through the door.

Not to my surprise, nopony notices.

I walk right up to the counter.  Mrs. Cake is standing behind it, a content look stuck on her face.

"I would like to buy a cake."

She ignores me request, as expected.

"Hmm.  I see.  So, you won't mind if I just help myself then, right?"

Ignored.

"If you have a problem with me taking that biggest cake in the display behind the counter, you will say something now.  Otherwise, I'm taking it."

She doesn't respond.

"Alright then!" I cry in frustration.

I put my hands on the counter and leap over it, and nopony in the whole bakery bats an eyelash.  Nor do they react when I pull the doorway to the display open and snatch a giant pink tower cake out.

I am literally walking out the front door with my stolen cake now.  Nopony cares.

But I care.

This is horrible!  I just stole something in front of everypony and they're acting like there is nothing wrong!  They should be acting like something is wrong!

Now standing outside, I turn back and look back into the bakery through the window.

All of those ponies just sitting there, acting like there's not a thing in the world wrong.

Suddenly, I plunge both of my hands into the giant cake and seize handfuls of gooey confectionary, and then pull them out.

And then I fling the pink stuff against the window.

It splats against the glass and sticks.

And still nobody notices.

"GRAGH!" I cry in despair, and I reach into the cake once again to grab more.

I begin to smear the icing across the window, slowly spelling out a phrase in giant pink letters.

It doesn't take long to finish.  I step back and look at my handiwork, not caring about my slimy appendages.

'DISCORD WUZ HERE' it reads.

"There!" I scream.  "You can't see me, but there's no way that anypony can miss that!"

And yet, missing the giant pink message is exactly what everypony around me is doing right now.

"Forget it!" I cry out, and I lift the remains of the cake above my head and slam it into the ground with an almighty 'splat'.  If I wasn't so upset right now, it would have been satisfying.  I storm away.

I don't wander too far though.  I turn back to Sugar Cube Corner, daring the ponies to suddenly discover the message still written in the window.

And eventually, something does happen.  Mrs. Cake herself has suddenly come outside and is staring at the messy remains of the cake on the sidewalk.

"What in Equestria?" she wonders aloud.

Inside, I am celebrating.   Somepony actually managed to acknowledge something that I did!

Instantly, I feel a pit in my stomach and feel stupid for getting so happy about something so meaningless.  How far have I fallen that I am satisfied with something so pathetic?

I watch as the mare cleans my mess up.

Eventually, she finishes cleaning the ground and goes back inside.

It takes me a few minutes to realize that she isn't coming back.

SHE DIDN'T SEE THE MESS IN THE WINDOW!

ARGHHHHHH!

I feel almost ready to explode right now!

What am I, a ghost?  I can't be a ghost!  I can touch stuff!  And I can't float through walls or anything!

I turn away and leave, feeling utterly defeated right now.

Defeated by my own stupidity.

I maybe should have paid that one zebra more mind when she tried telling me to not upset the balance of nature so much.

Hang on.  Pinkie Pie at Twelve O' Clock, and Twilight and Spike too.

What are they up to, I wonder?  They're just sitting on a bench, watching as ponies walk by.

I approach them.  I know they won't see me anyway.

"Yo, wassup wassup wassup?  How yall is?  How yo' day been?  Mine sucks!"

Both Twilight's and Pinkie's faces change to confusion.  Spike's doesn't, but that isn't as important right now.

Whoa!  Hang on a moment!  Don't tell me that they can see me!

"Twilight?" says Pinkie in confusion.  "I think I just heard a weird noise just now."

"Yeah..." Twilight answers uneasily.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie gasps.  "I bet it was one of those ninjas!  You see?  I told you!"

"I don't think that noise came from a ninja, Pinkie," mutters Twilight.

"It did!" Pinkie insists.  "You don't believe me just because you can't see them, but I know that they're here!  Some-pony... told me so!"

"I for one am hoping to catch a glimpse of a ninja," remarked Spike.

"Pinkie," says Twilight, "I think something very strange is going on."

"Does a group of performing ninjas secretly visiting Ponyville count as strange?"

"No!  It has nothing to do with that!  Don't you feel like, maybe, you've... forgotten something?"

"Hmm..." Pinkie said aloud as she put a hoof under her chin to contemplate.  "Nope!  I don't remember forgetting anything!  But, then again, if I did forget, how could I remember that I forgot to remember?"

"Princess Celestia came to visit Ponyville recently.  Do you remember that?"

"Of course I do!"

"Do you remember why?"

"Uh, didn't she have a really really important job for us to do?"

"Yes, she did, but what was the job?"

"She wanted us to- uhh...  Hmm...  I can't remember!  That's the second time in three days that I've forgotten something important!"

Pinkie's face rapidly changed from excited to slightly panicked.  "Twilight, I think there's something wrong with me!  I never forget things this important!  No, wait, I do remember something.  Something about...  Chocolate milk!"

"You're not far off the mark," I declare to them sadly.  "I believe what you are searching for is "reform Discord", but I can't say that I'm surprised that you can't remember.  Nopony in town can acknowledge that I-"

"I wonder how close the nearest ninja is to us, right now!" Pinkie blurts, interrupting me.

"Nopony can acknowledge I exist!" I continue.  "This is almost like being in the statue all over again!  I had to try like crazy to get anypony to even notice the chaos I was causing, and they never did figure out that I had anything to do with it!  This is the second worst thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life, only this time I accidently did it to myself because I'm so incredibly stupid!"

I cease my ranting and take a few moments to breath, trying to calm down.  Neither pony in front of me says anything.  After all, why would they?

"How the heck was I supposed to know that that stupid magic node would surge out of control?" I cry.  "It's not like I wanted this to happen!  And now there's something wrong with every living creature I've run into today!"

Suddenly, a new thought enters my head.  One that, surprisingly, leaves me even more disturbed.

"Or maybe there isn't anything wrong with everyone else at all!" I cry out.  "Maybe there's something wrong with me!  After all, I was the one touching the blasted thing!  And there doesn't actually appear to be anything else wrong with everyone other than the fact that they can't realize that I exist!"

I let out a giant sigh.

In doing so, I look down at myself and realize that I still have a lantern attached to my side by a cloth strap.

A weird idea enters my head.

Sure, why not.  Maybe something will actually happen.

I pluck the lantern off of the cloth belt and then hold it out toward Pinkie Pie.

She doesn't see it, but that's no suprise to me.

With my free paw, I grab onto her front hooves and press the lantern into them.

And she actually grips it!

I feel a surge of excitement.  I am still able to at least affect others in indirect, small ways!

I let go of the lamp and pull away from Pinkie, studying her carefully.

She looks down at the object in her hooves in complete bafflement.

"Whoa!  Where did this thing come from?  Twi, Spike, did you see where this came lantern from?"

"Don't you know?" asked Twilight in confusion.

"No!  I've never seen this lantern before!"

Pinkie let out another giant gasp.

"I'll bet that one of the ninjas slipped it to me without me seeing!  That's incredible!  Whoa, they must be crazy good!  THANKS MYSTERIOUS NINJA!" she finished, shouting out the last phrase for everypony around to hear, which caused her to earn some funny looks.

"Whoa," said Spike simply.

"I.  Just.  Gave it to you." I said in deadpan.  "I was right in front of you.  I wasn't trying to be sneaky or anything."

Pinkie doesn't respond, although she looks strangely happy.

"This is ridiculous!  I don't know how to fix this!  I just don't!  Even if I had my powers back, I don't know how to do something like this!  This is crazy!  It's like the universe itself is just broken or something, and I'm scared out of my mind that I'm going to live out the rest of my days as if I'm a ghost!  What kind of life would that be?  Sure, I can do whatever chaos I want and nopony can know that it's me to stop me, but that just makes it worse!  Where's the conflict?  Where's the tension?  I didn't want this!"

"Hey, Twilight.  Didja get a response from Princess Celestia yet?" asked Pinkie.

"No, I haven't.  She might just be too busy to answer.  Although, she doesn't usually take this long to send me a response."

"I'm not complaining," said Spike.  "We get to watch the ninja parade while we're waiting."

"Ninja parade," said Twilight skeptically.  "Right."

The trio fell silent once again.

"But I am going to have to learn to live with this, aren't I?" I mutter in despair.  "I'm don't know how to fix this!  I don't normally have to deal with problems like this!  I'm powerful, not smart!  I don't even have a clue how I could even begin to fix this!

"I wish you were here to help me, Twilight.  I bet you'd be able to figure it out."

...

"If you want my help so badly, all you have to do is ask, Discord."

My body instantly becomes stiff as a board and my hands involuntarily clutch at my chest in shock and embarrassment.

I look down at the purple unicorn.

"You...  you can sense me..."

"Uh, Twilight, what was that that you just said?" asked Pinkie Pie in confusion.

"Who were you just talking to?" asked Spike.  "Whatever you just said... sounded really weird.  Were you speaking in another language or something?"

"Yes, I can sense you, Discord," says Twilight.  "Although, it appears as though nopony else can, and I haven't the faintest clue why."
> Did Not See That One Coming
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight can see me...

How can she see me!?

...  Why not ask her?  She's standing right here, after all.

"How can you see me?!" I cry.

Twilight looks at me and then says in a quiet voice, "Not here."

She then turns to her companions and says, "Hey, Spike?  Pinkie Pie?"

"Yes?" they answer back to her.

"I have to... go help a friend.  I need to go now."

"Without us?" asked Spike in surprise.  "But why?  We could help you!  Who is this friend, anyway?"

"Discord."

Both of their faces blanked out.

"Who?" they both asked in sync.

"DISCORD!"

A moment passes.

"Twilight," says Spike, "Why won't you just tell us who your friend is?  I promise we won't laugh or anything."

"I just told you twice!"

"You did?" said Spike in surprise.

"Yes!  But every time I say his name, or talk to him, you can't hear, for some reason!"

"Twilight," says Pinkie, "is your friend imaginary?"

"NO!"

"Is he a ghost?"

"No!  At least, I don't think so..."

"Does that mean I'm getting closer?" asks Pinkie.  "Hmm.  Is he a poltergeist?"

"No, although he is at least as much trouble as one."

"Is he an apparition?  A phantasm?"

"NO!  HE'S NOT A GHOST!"

"Is he a spirit!"

"N-  wait.  Yes.  Yes he is. The spirit of chaos."

"The spirit of what?" says Pinkie, rubbing her ears.

"Forget it!" cries Twilight in frustration.  "Until further notice, my friend is a spirit!"

"You're being haunted by a spirit?" asks Spike in concern.

Twilight puts a hoof over her face.

"Goodness, I hope not."

"But if your friend is a spirit, then how are we supposed to help you talk to him?" asks Pinkie.

"That's exactly my point!  You can't.  Because you can't see him."

"Oh..." Pinkie says in disappointment.  "Well, would you please tell him that I said hello, and that I really really wish I could be his friend too?"

"...  Sure, Pinkie.  Anyway, would you please watch Spike for a little while?"

"Sure thing!"

"But Twilight," said Spike.  "What if the Princess answers your letter while you are gone?"

"If that happens, you will just have to hold onto it until I come back."

"Well, okay..."

"Alright.  I'll see you... in...  Well, I don't honestly know how long.  I'll be back as soon as I possibly can.

"Discord," says Twilight, and then she made a gesture with her head indicating that she wants me to follow her.

She turns and starts to walk away, but then turned around to ensure that I am following her, and of course, I'm not.  Instead, I am eavesdropping in on a hushed conversation between Spike and Pinkie.

"Do you think that Twilight might have a screw loose?" asked Spike.  "I mean, she's seeing ghosts."

As Pinkie is starting to give her answer, I shout out, "I AM NOT A GHOST!" in frustration.

Twilight is surprised by my outburst, but then she cries out, "He's not a ghost!" at her two friends.

"Okay, okay!" said Spike hurriedly.  "How did she hear us?" he whispered.

I just roll my eyes and follow after Twilight.  After all, she might be my only chance of fixing whatever is wrong.

"You lied to them you know.  You're not going to help a friend."

"Maybe that's true," answered Twilight, "But I would like to be your friend."

"By chaos, you are persistent, aren't you?"

Twilight says nothing, but eyes a nearby pony as we walk by.

"I can't talk to you in front of other ponies," Twilight mutters.  "They'll treat me like I'm crazy if I do."

"Spike already thinks you're crazy," I comment.

"What?"

"That's what he said when he thought you couldn't hear him.  Obviously, he had no clue that I could hear him just fine."

"Great.  That's just great!  The sooner we can fix this, the fewer problems it will cause for both of us.  So, you mentioned a surging magic node, or something of the sort?"

"I might have," I answer cautiously.

"Well, if you sincerely want me to help you, you have to show me where this is."

I stay silent, weighing my options.

"Discord, were you not being sincere when you said that you wanted my help?"

"Alright, alright, I was!" I answer in annoyance.  "I just hope you aren't scared of the forest."

"The forest.  That figures.  Have you seriously been hiding in the forest this whole time?"

"Of course I have."

"Oh, and another thing.  You've been in my sock drawer!"

I realize that she must have been watching me ever since I blundered into town shouting.

"Yes, obviously.  What are you going to do about it?"

"... Nothing."

"Yeah, that's what I thought!"

"But you also stole four books from the library!  And you're keeping them in the forest!  There is no way that between the weather and your carelessness they survived!  Do you have any idea...

"No," she finished suddenly.  "Forget it.  Forget that I even brought it up.  It doesn't matter right now."

"You're kidding me," I say in surprise.  "Twilight Sparkle saying that the condition of her precious books doesn't matter?  Maybe your friends were right, maybe you've gone completely nuts!"

"Maybe I have..."

"For your information however, your books are fine."

"They are?" she cries out in sudden hope.

"Well, I suppose you may not be crazy after all.  But yes, they're fine.  They didn't get rained on."

"But how?"

I shrug.  "Cave."

"A cave?  You just happened to find a cave in the middle of the Everfree Forest?"

"Oh, I didn't find it.  More like I was invited."

"Invited?  By who?"

I figure since she'll be seeing for herself in a few minutes anyway, there is no harm in telling.  "Jackalopes."

"Jackalopes?" says Twilight in confusion.  "Why in the world would they invite you into their home?"

"Saved them from a timberwolf.  By accident.  I was actually just trying to defend myself, but they wanted to thank me anyway."

"Wait a moment!" cried Twilight.  "You mean that note you left on my pillow... about being eaten...  Was there honestly any truth to that?"

"Oh yeah!" I cry out happily, remembering the note in question.  "Yeah, it was trying to eat me."

"But... your magic!" Twilight protested.  "Oh, why did you have to run away and put yourself in danger?"

"You worry about others too much," I say bemusedly.  "But anyway, I'm sure you're about to pester me about how I got myself out of that, so I'll just tell you.  I threw up on the stupid thing."

"Wha-  that's..."

"Gross?  I'm inclined to agree.  But what else was I supposed to do?  The thing had me pinned down.  The timberwolf wasn't expecting it any more than you were though, and then it fell apart."

Twilight said nothing.

I am fine with this.  As far as I'm concerned, the fewer questions asked, the better.

Suddenly, I realize that I still have a question of my own.

"You never answered my question from before," I say.  "How the hay can you see me when nopony else can?  Some sort of magic spell?"

"I don't think so," she answers.  "Actually, I'm just as clueless as you are!  I should be just as incapable of acknowledging your presence as everypony else, but in reality, I can!  I've been trying to figure out what it is that makes me different, but I can't come up with anything!"

"Hmm.  Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter.  I'm not going to ask why when I should just be glad that you can see me in the first place."

Twilight fell silent once again and continued to say nothing until after we had already left the town behind.

"Discord, there is something that you should know."

"Oh really?" I answer.  "You've realized how to reverse whatever is wrong with me, I hope?"

"Unfortunately, no.  You're not the only one who was affected by whatever you did."

I stopped in place and stared at nothing as this information sank in.

That's not good.

"Who else is affected?" I demand.

"Well, you see, before you came along, I was looking for one of my friends, but everypony seems to have forgotten that they exist, just like you."

"Just tell me who it is!"

"Um.  An earth pony named Rhombus."

"Oh.  OH," I say aloud, realizing that there is no further damage after all.  "Well, that's fine then."

"Fine?" cried Twilight, suddenly flying into a rage.  "My friend is somewhere all alone with nopony to talk to!  For all I know, I might not even be able to see him, even though, for whatever reason, I can see you!  What if he's right beside me, and I don't even know it?  What if he is desperately trying to get my attention and he just can't?  You have the nerve to say that 'that's fine'?"

"By chaos, you have quite the pair of lungs in you, did you know that?" I answer her.  "While ordinarily I would find your freaking out to be hilarious, you are no use to me like this, so I will tell you that I know exactly where Rhombus is, and he's perfectly fine.  Aside from the whole 'nopony else can see him' thing."

"How do I know that you're telling me the truth?" demanded Twilight, unconvinced.  "You're an compulsive liar!  You could have just made that up to keep me from just leaving you here for the rest of eternity!"

"You're right.  I might be lying.  But if I'm not lying and you do walk away, then Rhombus is my prisoner for the rest of eternity."

"You...  You're despicable!"

"Which is why I can't understand why you would still want to be my friend!" I point out.

Twilight sighs.  "First things first.  I'll make you a deal."

"A deal?" I repeat, intrigued.

"Yes.  I'll do my best to fix whatever it is that you did to yourself, and you in turn will hoof over Rhombus to me, unharmed.  And then, if you uphold your end of the bargain, I will consider helping you to get your powers back."

"Is that all?  You don't ask for much you know.  Think about it.  You could get so much more if you try."

"What do you mean?" asked Twilight in skeptic confusion.

"What I mean is that I can literally give you whatever you desire.  I can give you wealth, or fame, or make you the ruler of half of the nation!"

"But I don't want any of that!" Twilight protests.  "I am being one-hundred percent honest!  All I have ever wanted ever since the Princess brought you to us is to be your friend!"

"I dispute that," I say.  "I seem to recall that you shouted at your dear Princess for bringing me to your village at first."

Twilight's face turned red.  "H-how do you know about that?"

"Because I heard you!  Just because I was trapped in a statue doesn't mean that I don't hear every little thing that you ponies say."

"Okay, I'll admit it, I was skeptic at first.  But over time, I realized that I would rather have you as a friend than as an enemy!  I will help you get your powers back, and the only things that I want is Rhombus's safe return, and for you to just give friendship a try!"

"I cannot fathom how somepony as smart as you would settle for a mere 'friendship'," I say sarcastically.  "Wouldn't you much rather have, say, a whole library full of forgotten tomes from ages past?"

"A whole library..." said Twilight weakly.

And then she shook her head violently.  "No!  Friendship first!"

"You seem a little unsure of yourself," I tease.  "Think of it!"

"No, that would not make me happy!  Not if it means you unleashing chaos on Equestria."

"You wouldn't have to endure it, you know," I say, trying whatever I could think of to convince her.  "Luckily for you, I rather like you, so I would be willing to leave you alone if that's what you want.  I would leave your little private library alone and you could stay in there and be happy with your books and not have to worry about all of the chaos outside."

"Discord!  What about my friends?"

"You could invite them to live with you?" I suggest.

"This idea of yours is ridiculous!  There is no way that we would accept something like that!"

"Alright, I get it!  It would never work!  But I still can't believe that all you want from me is something as stupidly simple as a friendship instead of a once in a lifetime opportunity!  Anypony can give you a friendship!"

"Do you think you're too good for friendship?"

"Bah, that kind of reverse psychology isn't going to work on me like it does your pegasus friend."

"It's not reverse psychology, it's a genuine question!"

"My dear Twilight, take a moment and be realistic.  Even if I wanted to be your friend.  I don't know if you have noticed, but I am not exactly the sort of draconequus you should want to be friends with."

"Discord, if only perfect ponies were allowed to make friends, how many friendships would there be, in the whole world?"

"None!" I cry out triumphantly.  "Exactly my point!  And you would all be much better off, I might add."

Twilight huffed, but said nothing more.

At this point, we are marching through the forest itself.  Fortunately, the distance to the burrow is not large, and we're almost there.

"Discord," Twilight starts again.

"What do you want now?" I ask in exasperation.

"Let me ask it to you this way: What would I have to do for you to agree to give friendship a chance?  Is it not enough that I am, in good faith, agreeing to help you with this problem and get your powers back?"

"No, of course it isn't!" I answer.  "Look, Celestia is the one who decided to take my powers away, and I'm mad at her because of it.  And you six helped her to do it.  It wasn't your decision, so I don't actually blame you, but simply giving me back what I should never have lost in the first place isn't going to suddenly put you in my good graces.

"And this whole problem with nopony being able to acknowledge my existence...  That was just me being stupid.  I'm not going to let you take advantage of my stupidity just so you can get me to do something that I don't want to do."

"Then what can I do?" said Twilight, almost whining.

I actually take a moment to seriously consider for once, and I finally come up with a possible answer.

"Well, there is one thing you could do."

"Name it!"

"Celestia kept me imprisoned for all of those countless years.  Celestia did that, not her sister.  It was Celestia took away my powers.  It's Celestia that thinks that she has the authority to order me around to do as she wishes.  Celestia this, Celestia that!  Celestia, who's coat is always white and clean!  I'm sick and tired of Celestia!  But I don't want her throne.

"No, I want something much more personal.  I want to embarrass her, like she has never been embarrassed before.  I want to show her that she has no real power over me.  I want to make it clear that she is not better than the spirit of chaos!

"So, Twilight Sparkle, if you really wanted to be my friend?  You would help me give the leader of your country the payback that she deserves."

...

"How could you ask me to do that?" moaned Twilight, obviously upset.  "Princess Celestia deserves the utmost respect!  Don't ask me to betray my mentor!"

"It's not like I want to hurt her," I point out.  "And besides, with you helping me figure out how I'm going to get that smug mare, you'd get to have some influence over how I go about it."

Twilight just stares at me silently and dumbstruck.

"But I knew that it would be asking too much of you.  The price of being my friend is simply too high.  I suggest that you abandon that silly pursuit and worry about yourself instead."

And now that this conversation is over, I begin to walk forward again.

"I'll do it..."

I trip and fall face-first into the ground.

I pull myself upright as fast as I can, eager to not look stupid.

"I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that, for your sake," I say casually.  I let out a laugh.

"Celestia forgive me," Twilight whispers.  "I said I'll do it."

I stare straight ahead, over Twilight's head.

"Huh.  You know, when I first said that, I didn't even conceive of what I would do in the incredibly unlikely event that you would agree.  ...  I don't even know what to say right now.  Huh."

"Then how about we start by me keeping my promise," said Twilight weakly.  "Just, understand, whatever magic you triggered is beyond my education.  There is no guarantee that I will actually be able to do anything to fix it.  But I do promise that I'll try my best."

"Well, of course I'm not going to demand that you do things that you can't actually do.  I'm not stupid."

Twilight doesn't answer, but she does shudder.

No, wait, she's actually shaking in her hooves.

She's TERRIFIED!

"Twilight, you're shaking like crazy!  I'm going to give you one more chance to take what you said back-"

"NO!  I've made up my mind!  Now show me where this crazy magic node thing is so I can keep my mind off of... things!"

"You know, I think out of everything that you have ever said to me that left me speechless, this takes the cake."

"W-what?"

"Never mind.  Come over here, the burrow is just over here."

"Burrow?  I thought you said it was a cave."

"Well, it is a cave, but the front part of it is a burrow where the Jackalopes are living."

Soon, we're standing in front of where the entrance should be.

"Just dig out this section of the ground right here," I instruct her.

Twilight accomplishes this quickly with her magic.

Oh, I'm jealous.  But no matter.  Soon, I shall have my powers back.

Hang on.  Wow.  I just realized that, for the first time since I first lost my powers, I have absolute certainty that I will reaquire them soon.

There's not a doubt about it in my mind.

I put an arm around Twilight's neck, which suprises her and she looks up at me.

"Twilight, my dear Twilight," I declare.  "I don't know what madness has seized you that you have agreed to do things my way, but I find myself pleasantly surprised to discover that I am quite happy that you did."

"Uh, thank you, I think?" says Twilight.  "By the way, the critters don't seem to be terribly... happy to see me."

"Just tell them that you're not going to bother them and that you just want into the cave then."

"Okay...  Um, hello, jackalope family.  I'm so sorry to barge in like that, but I really need to see if everything is okay in your cave."

One of them starts chattering at the others, and soon they are all squeaking at one another.

"What are they doing?" asks Twilight in confusion.

"They know that there's something strange in there," I answer.  "They're debating about whether to let you in is a good idea."

"How do you know that?"

"Not sure.  I've come to understand them somewhat, somehow."

One of the jackalopes turns back to us and chatters something and points at us.

"He says you can come in, but he wants you to reseal their door."

"Oh, thank you!" says Twilight, and she crawls into the chamber, and I quickly slip in after her.

"Oh my goodness!" Twilight exclaims as she gets a good look around, taking in the numerous possessions around the room.

"We're going to need this stuff," I declare as I grab my spelunking bag.

I frown as I realize something is missing, and then I look around and find my spare lantern.

"It's a good thing I have another one of these things," I say.

"Where did you get all of that stuff?" asks Twilight in wonder.

"Rarity sold it to me."

"What?"

I sigh, and then I take notice of one of the giant mushrooms tucked away against the wall.  Presumably one of the ones I sent back.  It does not have the magic oversaturation sickness that the ones in the cave did.

I pick it up and Twilight watches me curiously.

"I guess I promised to tell you where your pal Rhombus is, didn't I?" I say to her.

She just stares at me in confusion, especially at the fungus in my grasp.

"Only thing is, I don't think you're going to like the answer."

"I know, Discord, considering that it's you who I'm dealing with, I was expecting that.  Just so long as you haven't hurt him, I'll forgive you.  So, where is he?"

I hesitate.

"Are you sure about this?  If I may quote myself, all the truth does is make your heart ache.  Sometimes a lie is easier to take!"

Twilight glares at me.

"That's what you said to Applejack just before you worked your magic on her to force her to become a liar."

"True, but that doesn't mean that there isn't some wisdom in those words.  Look, just take my word for it that Rhombus is perfectly fine.  I promise you it will be much less stressful for you if you do."

"And I say to you," answers Twilight, "That friendship is not always easy, but it's always worth fighting for.  I need to know.  Where is Rhombus?"

I sigh.  "Alright, fine, but remember, you asked for this."

And then I tore off a chunk of the mushroom in my hands and shoved it into my mouth and began to chew it up.

"Discord!" cries Twilight in surprise.  "What in the world?"

I feel the illusion form around me and I throw my arms out and pose for Twilight, who is staring at me in complete shock.

"So, what do you think?"

Wait a second.  That's not right.  That doesn't sound like the voice I created for Rhombus the pony at all.  It sounds too... feminine.

I look down at myself and instantly realize what went wrong.  I forgot to condition my mind, and now instead of taking on the appearance of my own choosing, I look exactly like the pony that featured most heavily in my first encounter with these stupid mushrooms.

From Twilight's perspective, it looks like I have suddenly transformed into the Solar Princess herself.

Such blasphemy!

"ARGHHHHH!" I scream in frustration, pressing my paw into my face, "Freakin' stupid mushroom's dumber than a box of rocks!"
> Awkward Explaination
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight stared at my altered form open-mouthed in astonishment.  I can't blame her.  It's not every day that she hears her teacher talk like that, after all.

"Wh- I- How...  What are you playing at?" she finally managed to say.  "Why are you doing this to me?  How are you doing this to me?"

"I promise, honest to chaos, that was an accident!" I insist, loathing every word that came out sounding like Celestia.  "That was supposed to make me look like Rhombus, not the Princess, but I screwed it up!  Argh, this would have been so much easier if I had just turned back into Rhombus like I planned!"

"Explain, now!"

"Look, this mushroom here will cast a spell on you if you eat it," I say, holding up the fungus.  "The magic casts an illusion over you that makes you look like somepony else.  That was what I was trying to tell you this whole time.  I am Rhombus.  When I first bumped into you in that form, Pinkie Pie threw a fit because she knew that she had met me before, but she couldn't recognize me!"

Twilight gaped for a bit.  Finally, she managed coherent speech.  "I... I can't believe this...  No, no!  That's not possible!  You were busy being mean to Rarity at the time!"

"Yeah... about that...  The Discord that you saw in her boutique was a big fake.  He was an illusion too."

"I...  No.  How?"

"Well, this mushroom here does a little bit more than just disguise you if you eat it.  It creates illusions around itself passively too, and those illusions are made to scare others.  It looks into your mind and turns your worst fears against you.  The Discord in the boutique did not physically exist.  It was nothing more than Rarity's own warped vision of myself."

Twilight said nothing, but as she continued staring at me, her eyes seemed to grow even wider.

"Oh, and one more interesting property of this fungus is that once you know its secret, you can see through its illusions forevermore.  Judging from your expression, I would guess that you just saw through it yourself.  That, more than anything, should tell you that I'm telling you the truth."

"I can't believe it..." Twilight continued uneasily.  "You are telling the truth.  Then...  That means..."

Twilight hesitated and I braced myself for an explosion of wrath.

"That means that there's even more hope for you than I anticipated!"

"Wait, what?"

"If you honestly were Rhombus all along, that means that you successfully pretended to be a decent pony!  I realize now that you must have been putting on an act in an attempt to fool me into giving you the location of your powers...  You were...  Weren't you?"

"Um.  Yeah."

"I see.  Well, you were putting on an act, but the point here is that you are perfectly capable of being decent, even if you didn't actually enjoy doing so!  I'll admit, you weren't the friendliest pony around, but it was good enough."

"Well, unlike ponies, I don't feel like I should be nice to strangers and acquaintances.  They haven't done anything yet to deserve me being nice to them.  And they haven't done anything to deserve me being mean to them either."

"Well... okay, I can see where you're coming from.  I don't actually agree, but I can see where you're coming from.  Although, I wouldn't say that you treat strangers neutrally."

"It would appear that you and I have a different perspective on the matter then," I defend.

"We do," she agrees.  "But we can be friends anyway, even if we don't agree on everything."

I ponder this response for a moment, and then answer, "You know, if you were the kind of pony who demanded that I see everything the way you do, I don't think we would even stand a chance of being friends.  But, considering?  Yeah.  Just maybe, we can."

"I don't suppose, as your new friend, I could convince you to be a little nicer to everyone, on behalf of said friendship?"

"I wouldn't count on it just yet, but nice try.  But, ask me again after this whole fiasco is over, and if you still feel that way, I might indulge you."

"I guess that's as good as I'm going to get for now, huh?" Twilight said with a sigh.  "Come on, let's keep walking.  We've lingered here at the burrow for too long as it is."

"Now that, I agree with."

I looked down at my hand and saw that I still had this stupid mushroom in my grasp.  It also reminds me that I still look like the Princess, which makes me feel dumb again.  On a whim, I hold the mushroom out to Twilight.

"You want?" I offer.  "You could study it or something."

"Actually, I would be most interested in that," she answers, and grasps it in her magic.  "There is one thing that I don't understand though.  If this mushroom projects illusions of fear, why does it make you look like a pony when you eat it?"

"It doesn't specifically make you look like a pony, it makes you look like your own worst fear.  And no, before you say it, I'm not scared of ponies.  I'm not scared of Celestia either, but it wouldn't be inaccurate to say that I'm scared of what she can do to me.  So, that's why I look like Celestia right now.  If you want to know how I made it make me look like Rhombus, I deceived it by using a mental trick to fool it into thinking I'm scared of Rhombus."

"You can do that?"

"Yeah, why?  Can't you?"

"I don't think so."

"Oh."

I sling the spare lantern over my shoulder and light it.

"So," said Twilight.  "You bought that stuff from Rarity while disguised as Rhombus."

"That's right," I say.

I start to lead the way into the tunnel downward and Twilight follows.

"And then you brought her one of your freaky mushrooms and scared her.  Why would you do that?"

"I just didn't want you girls to forget about me."

"Where did that mushroom come from anyway?  I've never heard of any magic such as what it exhibits.  At least, not in nature..."

"Not in nature?" I repeat.  "But you have seen magic like that before, have you?"

"In the Crystal Empire," she answers.  "King Sombra used a similar spell to defend the crystal heart."

"Hmm.  I wonder if the two are related?  But anyway, they grow in the cave.  Feeding off of the magic of that node.  Well, they did."

"Hey, Discord."

"What's up?"

"Do you know if eating this mushroom has any negative effects?"

"You're worried about my health?  Don't be.  My anatomy is crazy, so it's pretty hard for me to be poisoned by anything.  And besides, one of the jackalopes ate some too, and it didn't make him sick either.  So don't worry about it."

Before I can react, Twilight suddenly bites off a chunk of the mushroom herself.

"Hey, whoa!" I exclaim.  "What are you doing that for?  Didn't I tell you that you're going to turn into something out of your nightmares?"

Suddenly, Twilight's form shifts into something large and white.

I stare at her in complete surprise, and then slap my paw to my face.

"Oh, you have got to be freakin' kidding me!" I cry in exasperation.  "Now you're Celestia too?  I'm Celestia, you're Celestia, Celestia is Celestia, are there any other Celestias I should know about here?"

"This is bizzare," Twilight remarks, looking herself over.

"I thought you said that you didn't think you can fool the mushrooms!  Don't tell me you're scared of her!"

"I'm not!" Twilight insisted.  "But, when I looked into Sombra's version of the spell, I saw the Princess.  She told me that I had failed in my assignment and that I was no longer her student.  I know that will never happen, but it doesn't stop me from fearing it.  So, much like yourself, I'm not scared of the Princess, but I am scared of what she might do to me.  And I'm having the same fear again.  I've agreed to help you... embarass... her, but I still care about her, and I'm honestly terrified of what she might do to me for going along with you."

"I see..." I answer, not sure how to respond.  "Hey, what do you think would happen if we both downed mushroom potions and showed up on the mighty Celestia's doorstep?"

"She would only see me, remember?  That wouldn't accomplish anything.  Oh, and Mushroom potions?"

"Yeah.  I got the idea from you, you know.  The potion book.  Putting it in potion form makes the magic last for three whole days instead of just for a few minutes.  Oh, and speaking of which...  Five, four, three, two, one-"

My own illusion disappeared at this instant.

"How do you do that?" asked Twilight in astonishment.

"I lied to you about a lot of things as Rhombus, but I didn't lie about my ability to sense magic."

"Oh.  That makes more sense.  That is an awfully strange ability for an earth pony to have, but not so much for you to have it.  I had no idea that you could even do that!  It's not impossible that an earth pony might exhibit such abilities of course, just... unusual.  Which reminds me of an important question I have to ask you.

"The pony helping you, doing magic for you.  The magic we witnessed, it was all an illusion, right?  And, come to think of it, it was you who convinced me that there was a unicorn doing magic for... well, you in the first place.  That unicorn never existed, did they?"

"Yeah.  You've figured it out.  Congrats.  Well, no, I do have a unicorn helping me, actually."

"You do?" asked Twilight in suprise.  "Who is it?"

"Well, that would be you, Twilight Sparkle," I answer her, and tap her on the muzzle and smile at her.

She narrows her eyes at me.  "I should have seen that one coming."

"But yeah, at the time?  No, there was nopony.  That figure you saw at the chess game was another illusion.  The whole game was an illusion.  Even the pieces.  In fact, none of it was even my idea.  It was yours.  It was your nightmare, not mine."

Twilight suddenly stops in her tracks and I have to stop and turn toward her.

"You're right!" she exclaims in alarm.  "If I've understood everything that you have been telling me correctly, then... my own subconscious did that to me, not you!"

"Well, technically, the mushroom did it to you."

"But... how could my subconscious do something so- so twisted and mean to myself!"

"Hey, if you could control your nightmares, you wouldn't ever have them in the first place," I point out.  "They're going to be there whether you want them to be or not."

"I guess so...  But...  that also means that forcing me to choose between my friends...  That was all my subconscious's idea too!  How could I!"

"I think the answer to 'how could you' is simply 'quite easily'.  Just because you don't approve of a plan doesn't mean that you are incapable of even conceiving of it.  I didn't tell you at the time, but I was very impressed with how clever your subconscious was.  It did it's job well.  Rather better than Rarity's did, in fact."

Twilight frowns.  "I did think you were a little off when I saw you at the boutique," she remarks.  "Still, I don't think I like the idea that I am capable of thinking up such a horrible thing."

"Well, regardless of what you think of it, I for one think it's great!"

"That doesn't exactly inspire confidence."

"Look, think of it this way.  You can think of really clever ways to be mean, which you almost never use, and you can think of clever ways to be nice too!  You're just an all around clever mare!  In fact, I'd say it's your best feature."

"What?" said Twilight, sounding surprised.  I'm not sure why.  All I did is state an opinion.

"I said it's your best feature.  I mean, it sure isn't your face."

"Discord!"

"What?" I cry out, holding my hands up in defense.  "You're not going to actually dispute this are you?  Are you going to try to argue that your face is prettier than you are smart?"

"Wh- I- No, I'm not!  But would it kill you to use a little bit of tact?"

"I don't even remember what that word means.  Doesn't it refer to some doohickey that you use to stick paper to walls or something?"

"No!  It means-  Whoa, this room is enormous!"

Sure enough, we have now reached the giant chamber of the cave.

"Oh!" I say eagerly.  "Take a look at this pool of water over here!"

I shine the light over the pool and Twilight comes to look.

A drop of water splashes into it from above, causing her to look up.  I turn the light up a bit so that she can see further.

"Look at that!" I say.  "I figure all of the water in this whole pool slowly came dripping through the ceiling over the course of the years!"

"I had no idea that when you said 'cave' you actually meant a 'cave' cave," said Twilight in wonder.

She spun around to face me.

"You do realize," she began, "that there is a very high probability that you are the first Equish speaker to discover this cave?  You could make a significant contribution to science by reporting its existence!"

"Why would I care about that?" I ask.  "And besides, I can't report anything if I wanted to right at the moment, thank you."

"I know, but you could do it later!  Think of it!  You get to name the cave and everything!  Doesn't 'Discord's Caverns' sound appealing to you?"

"Mmmmmm...  Maybe a little."

We continue through the cavern in silence for a while.

"Up there is this cool rock formation I call 'the curtains'," I say.

"An appropriate name."

"And check out what's here behind it!"

"A row of stalactites?  Ordered from largest to small!  How interesting.  I wonder what caused this one here to break."

"That was me.  Those things release a lovely tone when you knock on them.  Here's the broken one on the floor over here."

"You broke it?"

"Um, yes?  It's not worth getting that upset about, it's just a rock."

"That rock has been sitting there undisturbed for an untold number of years!  I expect that back when Equestria was being founded, here this stalactite was even then!"

"Probably?"

"Look, just please don't break anything else!  This cave is of much higher scientific value if the data is not skewed by unnatural intervention."

Twilight's Celestia disguise unceremoniously chose this point in time to dissipate, and caused Twilight to look down at herself in surprise.

"Uh, okay?"

We fall silent once again for a brief period.

And then we reached The Hole.

"I see that you've left a rope here for- wait a minute!" exclaimed Twilight.  "Why is this rope so... stretchy?"

"Because it's not a rope, its a bungee cord."

"What!  Why would you do that?"

"In case I'm in the mood for some bouncy?" I suggest.  Twilight just shakes her head.

"Whatever.  Um, I'm not sure I'm comfortable climbing down this bungee cord.  Ponies are not exactly built for climbing like you seem to be."

"Well, it's the only way down, so you're going to have to anyway."

"But...  What if you went first and then when I go you can catch me?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"No.  Please?"

...

"Oh, fine then!" I relent.

I slide down the cord, opting to not let it bounce any because for some strange reason that would feel embarrassing right now.  After I'm on my feet, I look back up and see Twilight peering back at me.

"It's pretty dark up here now..." she says nervously.

"Well then if I were you I would hurry it up."

She grasps the cord and slides down.  As promised, I let her fall into my hands as she slides down.

"You don't weight very much, you know," I tell her.  "I could just carry you the whole way.  It wouldn't slow me down at all."

"No!  Put me down!"

"Alright, if you insist."

I consider just dropping Twilight on the spot, but I realize that this would not be a good idea if I'm going to seriously try to maintain a positive relationship with my new voluntary assistant.  So instead I lower her to the ground before carefully letting go.

"Thank you," she says.  "So how much further do we have to go?"

"Actually, that room over there is it.  That's where the cave ends, and its where the magic node- used to be."

I lead her into the room.

"You've left potion brewing equipment in here," remarked Twilight, noting my possessions cluttering the room.

"It's easier to work near the source of the ingredients," I answer with a shrug.  "Alright, so.  This spot here.  Right here."

I point at the space the node previously occupied, putting it between two fingers so that there would be no doubt about exactly where I mean.

"This is where it was.  So, can we fix it?"

"I'll need to cast some spells to see what I'm dealing with," answers Twilight.  She sets the mushroom down (she carried it the whole way here) and then lights up her horn and proceeds to do just that.  "Why don't you tell me about the mushrooms in this room while I do this?  I didn't realize that this is where they came from.  Their vicinity to a source of magic can't be a coincidence."

"It's not a coincidence," I answer.  "The primal magic node was how they got their energy.  They just soak it up all day.  In fact, if those mushrooms were not here, the primal magic would compound on itself and morph into something that isn't so primal.  And, apparently, if the number of mushrooms declines because, say, someone was picking them to make potions with them...  Well, it turns out that the node will also compound on itself then too."

As I am talking, I snatch the mushroom I gave Twilight from the floor and grab a vial from my supplies.

"Wait, what do you mean 'compound on itself'?" asked Twilight.

"Oh, you know, the usual with unstable magic.  Surges, explosions, rainbows, lightning."

"Well... that sounds bad..." said Twilight uneasily.

"Bad for us, anyway.  It's supposed to be a natural part of the life-cycle of these node things, but pretty much every other node in existence already went boom and morphed into another kind of node a looooooong time ago, so they didn't hurt anybody back then."

"A long time ago?  How do you know that?"

"Well, this is embarrassing, but...  Well, I don't exactly remember," I answer uncomfortably.  "My memory of things more than a couple thousand years old starts to get a little fuzzy.  I do remember that it is true, but I don't remember how I remember that it's true.  And it kind of bothers me."

Twilight stared at me for a moment before turning back to her work.

"Of course," she said.  "I forgot that you are actually that old.  It's easy to forget, what with you acting like a twelve year old."

"Thank you," I answer.  "Chaos forbid I become like those cranky, grouchy, whiny stallion elders.  That's a pretty lousy package, if you ask me.  Cranky and grouchy and whiny.  No good at all.  You gotta freeze your brain in place to keep that vitality and youth, you know?"

"Discord, you are honestly the most... interesting individual I have ever met."

"Thank you.  Oh, hey, fun fact.  The tree of harmony has one of these node things in its core."

"Huh?" cried Twilight in surprise, looking up at me.  "Did you say tree of harmony?"

"Yeah.  Don't tell me that you don't know about that thing!"

"I don't know what you are talking about!

"Hmm...  Interesting...  Celly's been keeping secrets from you, my little pony.  You would think that she would have told the bearers of the elements of harmony about the tree of harmony, at least."

"Discord, just tell me what you are talking about!"

"The tree of harmony is where those gemstone things that house the elements of harmony came from.  They grew off of the tree like fruit.  Sort of.  The tree is under Celly's old castle here in the Everfree, I do believe."

"What?  Are you lying?"

"I'm serious.  And the tree gives off so freakin' much harmony magic all of the time.  It just gushes out of the ether and through the node endlessly."

"But that raises so many questions, assuming you aren't just lying again!" cried Twilight.  "Such as, was the tree's node originally primal?  And has the tree always been with the node, or did the tree grow around it later?"

"What makes you think I have any idea?"

"Well, it doesn't hurt to check to see if you know."

"Well, if I ever did know, I don't remember any more.  Any luck so far?"

Twilight's horn stops glowing and she looks me straight in the eyes.  "Discord...  I'm sorry, I truly am, but no, no luck so far.  I checked for any signs of magic whatsoever in this location, but I am getting straight nothings across the board, except for the leftover magic in the mushrooms still growing in the room, which is the only evidence that there was ever any magic here in the first place.  If there is a branch of magic that would help here, I don't know it."

"Great.  Just great.  That means that the stupid thing has fully severed its connection to our world and has retreated wholly into the ether."

"Is there a way to retrieve it from the ether again and re-establish the connection to our world?"

"I've never tried it before.  The place never held my interest before.  It's nothing but an endless sea of energy that I can't use.  I might be able to tear into the ether through brute force with my powers, though.  That probably won't fix the problem, though.  But at least if I can pull it back into our plane of existence, you will be able to interact with it and we can figure out what to do from there.  So...  You know what this all means, right?"

"It means that returning your identity to you has to come after returning your powers," answers Twilight.  "Doing it in the other order is not even an option."

"Alright, then let's get out of here.  I have what I want from this place."  I wave a now complete potion in front of her.

"Is that what I think it is?" she asks uncertainly.

"If you think that it is an illusion disguise potion, then yes.  Don't worry, I didn't go ripping out any more of the mushrooms.  They wouldn't do any good anyway, their magic is all messed right now, I just used the old one that we were taking bites out of."

"But why do you need that?" she asks.  "Nopony can see you other than me, even if you are in disguise, as we can prove from the fact that nopony was able to remember Rhombus ever existing.  You don't need to disguise yourself from me, and you can't disguise yourself from me anymore anyway."

"Well, you see, I don't really like making plans, I like to just make it up as I go along, but that doesn't mean that I don't have some degree of foresight. There is a good chance that we're going to have to sneak into somewhere secure to steal my powers back.  Now, I can go wherever I please and nopony will give me a second glance, but you?  You'll have to be sneaky.  A good disguise might be just the thing you need."

"I was hoping the princess will give me permission to retrieve your powers after she gets around to reading my letter, actually," says Twilight meekly.

"Twilight," I say in deadpan.  "Use your head.  Princess Celestia hasn't responded to your letter yet.  A letter that is specifically about Discord.  Someone who nopony can even acknowledge actually even exists.  They apparently can't even hear my name properly without it coming out sounding like gibberish.  Unless Alicorns have some kind of a resistance to whatever has happened, I'll bet you that she has been puzzling over an unreadable letter right about now."

Twilight's eyes widened.

"That's not good!" she cries out.  "We need to go back to Ponyville so I can write her another letter and say something to convince her that everything is alright!"





Eventually, after returning to the burrow and gathering all of my possessions and Twilight's library books, we made our return trip to Ponyville.

The trip was uneventful, but Twilight insisted that I give her a detailed account of everything that I did since being released from the statue.

I complied, but I left some particular details out for both of our sakes.

Especially the part about me hiding under her bed while she was asleep on that bed.  I don't want to make her think I'm some kind of creepy stalker.  That whole situation was just an unfortunate accident.  Still, I think I shall never mention it aloud ever.

We finally reach the library, and Twilight hurriedly pulls the door open.

It turns out that Twilight won't need to send Celestia a letter after all.

She's already right here, talking with Spike.

"Oh, hello there, Princess!" I cry out to her, not caring about the potential danger I might be putting myself in.  Celestia is moving directly toward Twilight, not me.  I think I'm in the clear.  "I almost didn't see you there!" I continue.  "And that's in spite of your ample girth!  How does it feel to be so insignificant?"

Twilight doesn't say a word, but she gives me a brief look of utter dumbfoundedness at my audacity.  Celestia doesn't react to me at all, all but confirming that even she doesn't see me either.

"Twilight Sparkle!" she cries in relief as she embraces her pupil.  "Thank goodness you are alright!"

"Princess, what are you doing here?" asked Twilight in astonishment.

"I came to ensure that you are safe, Twilight, and that all is well," answers Celestia gravely.  Her horn lights up and Twilight is engulfed in her yellow magic for a moment.

"It would appear that you are in fine health, and not suffering from any magical ills," Celestia continued.  "Would I be correct to conjecture that all is well, and there has been some sort of misunderstanding?"

"I'm fine, Princess!" Twilight insisted.  "What gave you the idea that I might be in danger?"

I must admit that I'm curious about this too.  While Twilight meeting with me face to face could have originally been considered dangerous, all things considered, there would have been nopony besides Twilight herself who could have informed Celestia of my presence.  Unless there is actually somepony else out there who can also see me and has, understandably, kept it to themselves.

That thought didn't occur to me until just now, but now it has me worried.

"Forgive me, Twilight.  It would appear that I have misinterpreted the meaning of your latest letter."

Wait, that's what caused Celestia to freak out?

Celestia proceeded to pluck Twilight's letter off of a table in the middle of the library, and held it in front of Twilight.

"Princess," said Twilight uncertainly.  "I can explain."

"Don't feel that I am angry with you, Twilight," said Celestia.  "I am merely very confused.  Very, very confused."

"You see," Celestia continued, "this letter seems to start off plainly enough.  It is clear that you want me to do something on your behalf.  However..."

Celestia set the paper back on the table into plain view, and then put her hoof on it.

"Beginning right here.  The letter is, inexplicably, incomprehensible."

"I... didn't realize at the time that that would happen," muttered Twilight in embarrassment.

"Didn't you?" asked Celestia in surprise.  "Was this an accident?  At first, I thought bad penmanship was to blame, but, to my suprise, this portion of the letter is not only incomprehensible, but the very form of the script was apparently impossible to determine.  My next thought was that I had somehow suffered some form of head trauma, and I checked with a doctor who assured me that this is not the case.  I even showed the letter to my sister, who had exactly the same difficulties as I did.

"This confused me to no end.  In my attempts to decipher the letter, I resorted to using paper to cover entire portions of the letter, and discovered that, for some reason that I have no answer for, I was able to identify individual letters at a time.  I then rewrote each letter in sequence on a separate piece of paper, trying to reassemble the message that you wrote for me into some sensible form.  I was able to, with some... strange difficulty, determine additional words that you used, but nothing substantial enough to determine the message of your letter.

"But, by far the strangest thing is that, even in my own recreation of your letter, assembled purely from letters of the Equish alphabet, some of the results are just as incomprehensible as in your own letter.  I cannot even begin to understand them, and looking at them makes me feel like I am missing something.

"I at last came to the conclusion that you must have used some strange and foreign form of magic to encrypt the letter, protecting it from being understood by anypony whom it was not written for, although where you might have learned such a spell is beyond me.  If that was indeed what you had done, then it would appear that the spell at least partially failed to function correctly.  I reasoned that, if you were trying to send me an encrypted message, then something surely must be amiss.  However, here you are, unharmed and claiming that nothing is amiss.

"So, I would very much appreciate if you could explain to me what this was about."

Whew, I think to myself.  That's a pretty tall order.  How do you explain this when she can't even comprehend the answer?

Of course, if it were up to me, I would just grab Twilight and run off.  But I'm certain that that isn't how she's going to want to handle it.

Twilight would have some good points in her argument to explain this to Celestia.  If we did things my way, Celestia would undoubtedly be extremely suspicious, and that might cause me problems, even with my ability to be unseen.  If we do things Twilight's way, we can throw Celestia off of my trail and surprise her later.

It is in my interest to help Twilight explain away this mess.

"I...  I don't even know where to start," said Twilight weakly, visibly paling.  Which, come to think of it, is concerning for a species with fur on their entire bodies.

"I have an idea." I say to Twilight.  "Here, take this."

I take the spare lantern off of my shoulder and hold it out toward her.

Twilight looks at me fearfully, clearly uncertain of if she can trust me.

"Look, I'm going to help you out of this mess," I say in frustration.  "I don't have time to explain what we're doing, you just have to trust me!"

Twilight finally takes the lantern.

Celestia and Spike seem to notice the appearance of the lantern immediately.

"Where did that come from?" asked Celestia in obvious confusion.

"Whoa, Twilight, the ninja's back!" blurted Spike.

Twilight facehoofed and Celestia looked toward Spike in confusion and then back to Twilight.

"Do your assistant's words carry any degree of truth?" she asks in a doubtful tone.

"No, not really," said Twilight.  "Someone did give Pinkie Pie a lantern just like this one, but it wasn't a ninja.  I just don't know how to explain any further than that, however."

"Twilight, I'm going to turn the lights out," I call to her.  "When I do, turn the lantern on."

Twilight gives me a funny look, clearly not understanding what this will achieve, but she says nothing.

"Princess, Spike... um, apparently the... lights are about to turn off?"

"I... beg your pardon?" says Celestia.

I choose this exact moment to flick the light switch.

Nopony reacts for a moment.

"I am certain that you yourself used no magic to make this happen, Twilight," says Celestia, still hilariously confused.  "But forgive me for admitting that I haven't the faintest idea what is going on here, nor do things seem to be becoming clearer."

"It was the spirit, wasn't it!" Spike cries as Twilight lit the lantern, bathing the room in a soft fiery glow.

"What is young Spike referring to, Twilight?" says Celestia.

"Twilight's being haunted by a ghost!" insists Spike.

"He's not a ghost!" cries Twilight.

"You mean to say that the... somebody who gave you that lantern you are holding... is not a ghost?" says Celestia slowly.

"Yes.  He's not a ghost, or a spirit, or anything like that.  He's a living, breathing, physical creature, and he's my friend."

"I don't understand, Twilight," says Celestia.  "Where is this friend of yours?  What is his name?"

"His name is Discord."

Celestia gave a particularly confused look, and then blinked rapidly a few times.

"So, we're going with the truth then?" I ask.  "I guess that works.  After all, we get to say 'I told you so' after this is all over."

"I don't understand," says Celestia again.  "What is your friend's name?"

"His name is Discord," says Twilight with a sigh.

Celestia once makes the confused face and starts blinking.

"I don't understand, Twilight," she says once more.  "What is your friend's name?"

"Princess, forgive me, but I just told you what his name was twice, and you didn't understand it any more than when I wrote it down in my letter to you.  When I told you what his name was, you just looked confused for a moment before apparently forgetting the last few moments and asking me what his name was again."

Celestia looked absolutely dumbfounded, which I find positively delightful.  This mare makes the greatest faces when she doesn't understand something.

"Spike, how many times did I ask Twilight what her friend's name is?" asked Celestia.

"Just... once?"

"Spike forgot too," said Twilight hurriedly.

"Twilight, give me the lantern.  Tell them to keep their eyes on it."

Twilight's face lights up with understanding at these instructions.

"Princess, Spike.  You can see this lantern, right?"

"Um, yeah Twi, of course we can," says Spike.

"We both see it," confirms Celestia.

"Keep your eyes on it.  Don't let it out of your sights."

Twilight then hooves over the lantern again.  The moment it touches my claw, I see Celestia and Spike both blink rapidly.

"I have lost it," proclaims Celestia immediately, sounding quite unhappy.  She looks all around, looking for the lantern, yet failing to spot it.  "Yet... this room continues to be illuminated by the light of its flame."

"I gave it to my friend.  He's standing here in the room with us.  He's holding the lantern, and he's not a ghost.  ...  And apparently he's now walking around me in circles."

"Whoa, this is freaky!" cries Spike, watching Twilight's shadow spin around the room on the walls without apparent cause.

"I believe you, Twilight," says Celestia, clearly unsettled.  "Your evidence is undeniable.  But, please, answer me this, if you are able, and if we will hear the answer: How did this happen?"

"Don't tell her about the node!" I cry out.  "If you tell her, she might go messing around with it and accidently leave me trapped like this forever!"

Twilight considers my words, and then speaks.

"This happened as a result of a magical surge," she says.

I let out a sigh of relief.  That answer works quite nicely.

"Then your friend is a unicorn?" asks Celestia.

"No.  He isn't.  I would tell you that he is a draconequus, but you wouldn't be able to understand me."

"I... understand, I believe," says Celestia uncertainly.  "I find it highly disturbing that even after all of this effort, the only clear facts that we can establish about your friend is that he is a male and is not a ghost.  This magical surge is contesting for the position of the worst magic surge I have ever witnessed in my long lifetime."

Celestia let out a big sigh.

"I was afraid of something like this," she said.  "There is never a moment when something requiring my attention isn't occurring.  Here I was thinking that I would be able to enjoy the first significant vacation I have had in over five decades in two days, but I can't run off at a time like this.  Not when there is someone who needs help like this."

"Wait, you were planning a vacation?" says Twilight in astonishment.  "You never go on vacation.  I've never even seen you ever actually seriously consider the idea before, in all the time I have been your student!  I didn't think that being a Princess was a job that you could have a vacation from!"

"You are correct, Twilight.  However, my sister decided that I am long due some time off and has volunteered to manage things for the duration.  This was supposed to be a relatively quiet week.  But now I am having second thoughts."

"But... you can't cancel your plans, Princess!"

"I should say not," I agree aloud.  "Celestia leaving the castle for a vacation?  I couldn't have possibly hoped for a more opportune moment to embarrass her!"

Twilight just gives me a funny look.

"Twilight, duty calls," argues Celestia. "My duties, as it turns out, are simply too important."

"There is never a single day of the year that there isn't something going on!" argues Twilight.  "If you keep waiting for a day when there is nothing happening, you will never get your chance!  Besides, I don't really think you can help me with my friend's problem if you can't actually see him."

Celestia sighs again.  "Very well.  Between yourself and Luna, I am convinced.  I will proceed with my plans for a short vacation.  I wish that there was some way that I could assist your friend, but it seems clear that I am incapable of helping directly.  But, I would like to let him know that if there is any way that I can provide assistance, I swear I will do my best to provide it."

"You don't have to actually do anything," I say to Celestia through my giant grin.  "You're being extremely helpful by just standing there."

"Discord!" cries Twilight in shock, and she rushes over to me.  "What in Equestria are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing much!" I respond in fiendish delight, and I hold up a dry erase marker.  "I'm just giving your princess's cuties mark a little makeover."

Twilight scrambles to see what I'm talking about.  Her jaw drops open when she sees that I've drawn a goofy face on Celestia's sun mark complete with a silly nose and two arms sticking out from either side and waving in the air.

"Discord," cries Twilight in a dreading tone, "If Celestia sees that, she's going to kill you!"

"Twilight... what's going on?" asks Celestia carefully, apparently having lost track of her.  It appears that that might happen when Twilight interacts with me to closely.

Twilight hurries to get back to where she was standing before.

"Everything is fine, Princess," Twilight says in a surprisingly calm tone.  "I, uh, just needed to talk to my friend for a second."

"Don't worry," I assure Twilight.  "Odds are, nopony else will even be able to see it.  Probably.  I mean, Mrs. Cake found that cake I splattered on the sidewalk, but I think she only found it because I only moved something that belonged to her anyway.  I'm thinking that nopony saw the message on the window because it was a piece of work that I created myself, and therefore, since it had too much of myself in it, it was invisible.  You figure I might be right?"

"We only have a sample size of one that supports that theory," Twilight say back.

"Eh, I tend to be pretty good at guessing.  Anyway, Celestia's flank will be fine either way.  She'll take a bath sometime and it will just wash off.  Just like Sugar Cube Corner's window, considering the window was clean the last time I saw it.  I wish I was there to see their face when whoever washed the window discovered that there was icing that they couldn't see all over it."

I hold up a camera I had snatched from a table and snap a picture of Celestia's flank.

"Discord!  Where did you get that?"

"It was just laying on the table over there.  Is it yours?"

"Yes, it's mine!  That camera is supposed to be used exclusively for documenting scientific data!  I don't even know why it isn't in my lab in the basement where I thought I left it!"

"It wasn't me," I say with a shrug.  "Besides, this is collecting documentation for the sake of science.  It's documented proof that I was here the whole time, and we'll be able to show everypony after we fix whatever is wrong.  Here, look, I'll get a shot of both myself and Celestia both!"

I hold the camera out in my claw and point it at myself as I wrap my other arm around Celestia's neck, and then I smile big for the camera and snap another picture, this time of a happy looking draconequus next to a very uncomfortable looking Princess Celestia.

"Twilight," says Celestia right after.  "I'm not sure what is going on right now, but if we have discussed everything that needs to be discussed, I believe it might be for the best if I left.  I think my sanity might take a toll if I continue to stay here."

"Yes, of course Princess!" says Twilight quickly.  "I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.  I don't think there is anything further to discuss."

"Very well then," says Celestia.  "Then I shall be on my way."

"Wait!" I cry out suddenly as I realize that there is a vital piece of information I need.  "Ask her where she's vacationing at!"

Twilight stammers, and then speaks.  "Erm, actually, Princess, there is one last thing.  Could you tell me where you are going for your vacation?  Just in case?"

"I suppose I can tell you," says Celestia.  "Understand that I have taken lengths to keep the whole matter a secret from nearly everypony.  I won't be able to be at ease if I am surrounded by the media or other ponies who feel that they need to try to get close to me.  In fact, I have set aside a half dozen ordinary looking carriages to transport myself and a sufficient number of royal guard to accompany me so as to not draw unnecessary attention.  The public is not aware that I will be making this trip, only some of the castle staff and guard.  Anypony who desires my audience at this time will be informed that I am 'unavailable' and will do their dealings with my sister instead.  I trust that you won't make this knowledge public."

"...Yes, of course Princess."

"Technically true," I remark.

"We're beginning in Canterlot, of course, and the end destination is Manehatten.  This 'vacation' is more of a scenic tour however, as I intend to make several stops between the two locations and enjoy myself at various establishments, which, regrettably, must be privately reserved for our exclusive use for the duration of my stay.  A necessity that I do not enjoy, but it is a necessity all the same.  I believe the first such stop is at a sporting establishment on the outskirts of Canterlot, for instance.  As we will be traveling by hoof and making frequent stops, the journey will take an entire week.  Our final stop is Manehatten beach where I am having a private cruise.  After that, we will return, presumably taking far less time to return, as the vacation will be over.

"And now with that, you should have enough information to locate me if need be, in the event you require more communication than is reasonable via young Spike.  Farewell, Twilight."

"Goodbye, Princess.  I really hope you enjoy your vacation."

The solar princess finally opens the door and steps outside.

Twilight approaches me and gets rather close.  "Alright," she says quietly, clearly trying to keep Spike from being disturbed, "What are you planning?  You've got something horrible stewing in that head of yours and you're going to make me help you, aren't you?"

"Oh, I'm not planning anything specific," I say.  "That's not the way that I work, remember?  Here, I'll tell you what.  You get to help me figure out what we're going to do to her.  Except, first we have to figure out how we're going to follow her.  I don't think we're going to have to worry about being spotted if we don't use transportation, since I'm pretty sure that Celestia's gang would get suspicious of any sort of vehicle following them even if they can't actually tell who's inside, but then, well, we'd be walking."

"So, let me get this straight.  You want to bother the Princess now, get powers back later?"

"You heard her.  She's leaving in two days.  If we don't follow her, we might miss it."

"Well, alright, I guess we're doing this," says Twilight.  "We have all of tomorrow to figure something out."

"Hey, Twilight!" says Spike suddenly.

"Yes, Spike?" she answers.

"I didn't tell you about it before since the princess was here, but you did get some mail while you were away."

"Huh?" says Twilight in confusion.  "It couldn't have been the Princess's response to my letter, she came to talk to me in person."

"It wasn't from the Princess.  It came by the mail service."

As Spike unfolded the new letter, I crept behind him and peeked over his shoulders.

"Dear Twilight," I read aloud.  "It's your favorite sister-in-law!  I'm afraid I'm not writing to you for socialization.  I would like your help.  As you may be aware, the Equestria Games are coming up soon and I would be honored if could make the time to travel to the Crystal Empire to help me give the games inspector a good impression.  Feel free to invite your friends!"

"Wait," cries Twilight suddenly, interrupting me.  "Cadance wants me to come to the Empire?"

"Huh?" says Spike in confusion.  "I haven't even started reading the letter yet!  Let's see here...  Wait a moment...  How did you know what this letter said before I even read it?"

"When does she want me to come?" cried Twilight.  "Let me see it, Spike."

Spike gave the letter to Twilight and she quickly scanned her eyes across the page.

"Oh my goodness!" she exclaims.  "This letter must have gotten caught up in the mail!  She wants me to come tomorrow!"

"That's why I prefer dragon mail," Spike remarks.

"What the hay, I can think just as well in the Crystal Empire as I can here," I say.  "I've never actually been there, but I wouldn't mind checking it out."

"Wait...  You really mean it?" says Twilight in surprise.  "I thought for sure you were going to try to convince me that we need to stay here."

"Nah."

"Wow.  Thank you, Discord.  It's a tight squeeze, and pretty last minute, but you don't know how happy I am that you're letting me have a chance to visit Cadance and my brother!  That's... very generous of you."

"Whoa now, let's not get ahead of ourselves here."
> The Machine
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Discord, wake up!"

I fly awake in a flash.  "Hur?  Hum?  Wasgoinon?"

"I let you sleep in, but we have to leave any minute now to catch the train!"

"Ugh, a train?" I complain.  "Why can't you just teleport us to the Empire..."

I let out a yawn, trying to wake myself up.

"Don't be ridiculous.  I don't have nearly enough magical power to teleport all seven of us halfway across Equestria."

"Oh, for crying out loud!" I mutter.  "I could have done it!"

"Maybe so, but that's not an option right now."

"Obviously."

Twilight turns around to face-

"What the!" I cry.  "Where did all of these pets come from!"

"Spike's going to be pet sitting for all of us while we are away," answers Twilight doubtfully.

"Sounds like a recipe for chaos to me.  Believe me, I would know."

"That's what has me worried..." says Twilight.  "But I'm hoping that he will be fine.  Now get ready!  We're about to leave!"

"But I'm tired!"

"Didn't you get enough rest last night?"

"Nah, I stayed up scheming."

"And... Did... you come up with anything?" she asks.

"Nothing specific."

"If you're still tired, you can take a nap on the train, but we need to get ready right now!"

"Alright, alright, I'm moving!"

As I am looking around for my stuff, I hear Twilight speak again.

"Spike," says Twilight, standing outside in front of the open library door.  "Are you absolutely sure you can do this?"

"Of course!" he answers.  "Wouldn't have agreed to it if I couldn't.  Piece of cake!  Speaking of cake..."

The dragon suddenly produces a chef hat, a cookbook, and a measuring cup.

"I got a little something I need to attend to..." Spike finishes.

"Yeah, like keeping an eye on a house full of critters!" Twilight says sternly.

Spike just licks his lips for a moment before realizing what Twilight just said.

"Um, yeah!  That's totally what I was talking about!  Relax."  He walks up to Twilight and starts waving his arms.  "Go to your welcoming thing in the Crystal Empire.  Spike's got it all under control!"

I manage to slip outside before the little dragon can accidently close the door in my face, my things all in a pack over my shoulder.

Twilight waves to him and turns to walk away.

Suddenly, there is an explosion of distressed animal noises from inside the house, and Twilight clenches up.

"Oh-ho, I can't wait to see what this place looks like by the time we get back!" I exclaim in glee.

Twilight starts to turn back toward the library, obviously having second thoughts, but she is quickly interrupted by her Wonderbolt wanna-be friend.

"Hurry up, Twilight!" cries Rainbow Dash, pulling Twilight away.  "We're going to miss our train!"

I groan and stomp off after them.

When we get to the train station, Twilight and her friends all line up behind a bunch of other ponies.

"What?  I thought you said we were close to missing the train!" I cry out in frustration.

Rainbow Dash is ranting about this Equestria Games business, but I don't bother listening to her.

I sit there for a little while, feeling mad that I had to get up for this only to be delayed.

"Can't we just sneak aboard so I can go back to sleep?" I complain aloud.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Pinkie Pie?  Well... that came out of nowhere.

"What?" Pinkie declares casually.  "I was just answering Twilight's question!"

Ah.  I see.  Nothing to do with me.  Of course.

Finally, the front of the line disappeared.

"Tickets please," stated the train conductor.

"Here you are, sir," said Twilight as she passed the stallion a single ticket.

He waved her on, and I followed after her.

"So, I don't have a ticket?" I asked.

"Of course not.  He can't see you remember?"

"But doesn't this technically count as stealing services?"

"It can't be helped, Discord.  Now, follow me and I can show you where the car is where you can take a nap."

"Oh, goody..."

Twilight leads me through he cars until we reach the correct one.

"I suppose you can use this room for now.  You don't think somepony will bump into you by accident, do you?" she asked in concern.

"They had better not," I grumble.  "Why aren't we moving yet?"

"We just got on board!"

"I know!  I'm on now, we can leave now!"

"These things take time!"

"Whatever.  It's not like I care..."

I jump onto one of the beds on the wall and lie down.

"You know," said Twilight, "The last time I was in one of these cars, Rainbow Dash was convinced Fluttershy is a tree."

I lifted my head up and looked at Twilight to see if she was being serious.  As far as I can tell, she isn't joking.

"She knows that Fluttershy isn't a tree, right?" I ask.

"My guess is that she was just tired, it was the middle of the night after all.  Although, Fluttershy did say that she would like to be a tree."

"Really?  That can be arranged."

"Oh.  Um...  Well, she might have changed her mind since then...  So, anyway, could you not bother anypony while we're here?  I would prefer that this goes as smoothly as possible."

"Fine, I'll try not to.  Lucky for you, I'm too tired to even think about that right now."

"Um...  Okay, I'm going to go sit with my friends then."

"You do that."

Twilight leaves.

I glare out the window, noting how the train is still unmoving.

"Stupid trains and their organized schedules."





"Discord..."

"Discord, wake up!"

"You don't tell me what to do."

"Well, you're awake now, aren't you?" asked Twilight.

"Yeah, I'm awake."

Suddenly, I look out the window and realize that the train is parked in a new station that I have never seen before.

"Did I actually sleep through the whole trip?" I ask in surprise.  "The last thing I remember before passing out is a trainload of fools bogged down in a magnetic field!"

"...  What?"

"What?"

"Discord, sometimes you say the strangest of things."

"Let's get out of here then, we're wasting time!"

We disembark and I take a good look around.

"So this is the Crystal Empire huh?  I was hoping it would be more exciting."

"You barely even seen any of it!" Twilight protested.

"I hope you're right.  I wouldn't want to die of boredom while I wait for you to finish your errands.  Speaking of which, aren't your friends waiting on you?"

"Well, yes.  You're not going to go causing trouble are you?"

"Nah, nopony would notice.  I was thinking I would just stroll around the city, take in the culture."

"... Really?  That seems... surprisingly tame for you."

"Hey, I like to learn what I can about you ponies, enemies or otherwise, before I determine the best way to deal with you."

"Huh.  Well, don't let me keep you then.  Goodbye Discord."

"Hmm...  I think I will try to find a surprise for you by the time you return."

Twilight gave a worried glance.

"Common, it will be the good kind of surprise!"

"I'm sure it will be."

"Well, goodbye Twilight."

After parting ways, I simply pick a random direction that leads generally deeper into the city and start walking.

I have to tell you, I am not a fan of the décor of this place.  Crystal houses, crystal streets, crystal lamp posts, everything is made of crystals!  And not even the good kind either.  These ponies had to go and cut them all into angular, organized pieces instead of letting the natural flaws in the minerals be admired for what they are.

These crystal ponies are interesting, though.  Ever since I learned that I can provoke reactions from shining this lantern around, I've been eagerly awaiting an opportunity to use it, and the light shines through and bounces off these ponies in the strangest of ways.  Even better, it sure leaves them feeling pretty confused.

Eventually, however, I happen upon a pair of stallions wearing strange clothes, and they are notably not crystal ponies.  They're standing in front of some big piece of machinery or something.

They're yelling about something.  I might as well check it out.

"Come on, ladies and gentlecolts!" cried one to some crystal ponies who had stopped to listen to their speech.  "This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!  With this machine, your lives will become so much easier!  It will save time- and effort!"

"What is it?" asked a nearby pony.

"This, my friend," answered the other stallion salepony, "Is our latest invention!  The snow sucker-upper four-thousand!  It's like a snow shovel on wheels, but it is self propelled!  Or, if you prefer, you can propel it with pony power!  The choice is yours!  It will pump the snow it sucks up right back out this flexible tube here to be placed somewhere conveniently out of the way!"

"But, we don't have to shovel snow in here in the Crystal Empire," the would-be potential customer pointed out.  "The crystal heart keeps us protected from the freezing weather outside."

"Are you sure?" asked the first salespony, almost pleadingly.  "We're in the frozen north!  Surely somepony up here would have use for such a machine, at least occasionally."

"I don't have a need for such a thing."

Many other ponies voiced their agreement and walked away.

One salespony sighed.

"It looks like this was a bust, Flam.  I was so sure that our latest invention would be the prototype that would make us rich, but it seems that we are cursed with misfortune."

"If only ponies weren't so stubborn and stuck in the old ways!" lamented his partner.  "The earth ponies complained that they did not want the machine because of the magic engine, and we modified the machine so that one can power it through bicycle pedals instead!  But still nopony was interested!  How could they not understand what an opportunity they were missing?"

"I felt sure that if anypony would appreciate our invention, it would be the crystal ponies of the Crystal Empire!" said the first stallion.  "After all, they live in the frozen north!"

I investigate the machine closer, intrigued.  The front has a large square-shaped funnel that reaches all the way to the ground.  There are two seats in the middle, both of which with bicycle pedals instead of a floor below them.  Only one seat has a steering mechanism, and the other seat is conveniently located in a place where a pony sitting there can control the snow blower.

In my head, I'm envisioning driving the thing through a town and burying anypony in sight with snow.

"It's too bad that nopony told us that there is no snow here in the Empire," said the second stallion.  "What do we do, Flim?  Nopony wants to buy our machine!"

"I'll buy that thing," I declare out loud, despite the fact that the two would not hear me.

I jump into the driver seat without waiting for an answer (which would obviously never come) and try to get comfortable in the seat.  It isn't easy, since it was built for a pony to sit in, so I take the bag off of my shoulders and set it inside the other seat for now.  Fortunately, the seat is large enough that I can find a comfortable position eventually.  I look at the control mechanism, trying to understand how it works.

It doesn't look too complex.  I twist a knob.

Nothing happens.

Maybe it's not that easy.

Wait, they said that it can alternatively be pedal powered too, right?

I try pushing the pedals with my mismatched feet and- Yes!  The machine lurks forward.

Despite my relative lack of physical strength, my large size in comparison to a pony seems to make pedaling this thing quite easy.  I accelerate and the machine starts rolling away.

Unfortunately, I can't keep going in this direction without running into one of those crystal street lamps.

However, the steering mechanism is simple enough, at least.  All I have to do is push it in the direction I want to turn.

"Flim!" I hear one of the salesponies cry.  "The snow sucker-upper four-thousand has disappeared!"

"Huh?  That's impossible!  How could somepony take such a large machine without us noticing!"

Oh yeah.  That's right, I promised to pay them.

I dig through my bag and find what I need: a small purse full of gemstones.

I turn around and rear my paw back and take aim, and then toss the purse right in front of the salesponies.

It lands right in front of them, just as I hoped.

The pair stare at it for a few seconds.

"What is that?" one asks, and picks it up.  He pulls it open and gasps at the contents.

"Flim..." he begins hesitantly.  "I'm not sure what just happened, but I think we just made a sale."

Feeling satisfied that Twilight won't chew me out too badly now, I take off once again, riding down the streets of the Crystal Empire.

I decide to start messing around with the control mechanism again.  I push a button.

Suddenly, I feel a channel of magic open inside the machine, but nothing else happens.

Of course!  This must be the magic engine that they were talking about!

I try pushing a lever forward, and suddenly, to my surprise, there is some sort of a clanking noise from under me and the pedals stop resisting my push entirely, throwing me off.

It took me a few seconds to figure out, but I realize that the machine is rolling all by itself now.

I wonder how long it can go before it runs out of energy?

I analyze the magic within the machine and I realize to my slight disappointment that, while those two ponies have indeed built quite an interesting machine, their spellwork isn't the best.  The machine is burning through magical energy at a much quicker rate than I could hope for.

Still, I should have fun with it while I can.

I think I'll try that nob again.

I do so and suddenly I hear a loud and constant windy noise.

While I'm trying to figure out what I've done, I realize that the blower hose is rattling in it's holder.

Aha!

I pull it free and point it at my face, only to be startled by how strong the gust of wind being blown out is.

I smile a mischievous smile as I realize what a potential source of entertainment I have discovered.

I pick up the bag from the other seat and carefully set it in a rather convenient carrying compartment which I only just discovered.  I then switch to that other seat for myself.  I keep one hand on the steering mechanism, which is comfortably possible thanks to my lanky figure, and with my other arm, I point the hose out into the street.

Immediately, there are screams of surprise and confusion, but no one pony stays under the blast of my air-cannon for long, as I crank up the throttle and set the machine into faster motion, eagerly seeking out new victims.

I start laughing openly at the chaos around me.

"Run, you fools!  Run away, or feel my wrath!"

I don't know how long I kept this up, but eventually, a new thought comes into my head.

Is it possible to get this thing close to Celestia?





"Twilight, my dear Twilight, there you are!" I cry as I spot my favorite mare, completely by a happy coincidence, as I was originally in search of some nylon sheets.

"Discord?" she says back in surprise.  "What are you doing here?  And... what happened to you?  Is that paint in your fur?"

I look down at myself.

"It is.  I've been putting together a little surprise you see.  I can't wait to show it to you, but it's not done just yet.  What are you doing here?"

"Well..." Twilight said uncertainly and then hesitated.  "Things aren't going as smoothly for us as they could be.  We're behind schedule.  I was just going to check to see if Rarity managed to finish Cadance's mane.  There is a traditional style that Cadance simply must wear for the inspector, and the usual stylist is sick, and Rarity volunteered to give it a shot.  I do hope that she is almost done.  Actually, I can't stand here talking to you, I need to check in with them!"

"I'll tag along for just a bit then," I answer.  "I'm a little curious about what exactly you're up to."

"Fine," says Twilight.  "They're just in here, so this shouldn't take long."

Twilight opens the door to a building with hearts adorning the roof, and trots inside.

Almost instantly, we are accosted by Rarity, who apparently zoomed in from nowhere.

"Augh!" Rarity cries in panic.  "What are you doing here?"

"We finished the welcome committee song," answers Twilight, "and we just wanted to introduce Miss Harshwhinny to-"

"No, no!" cries Rarity in further panic, her ears laying back against her head.  She takes a deep breath.

"Princess Cadance isn't ready!"  She hunches down in shame.  "Something's gone terribly wrong!"

"Something's gone wrong, you say?" I say.  "I can't wait to see this!"

I run behind Rarity easily and look left to right, looking for the pink princess of love.

"Erm..." I hear Twilight say.  "I need to speak with the princess."

"You can't, you mustn't!  She's in the middle of a delicate conditioning rinse that must go perfectly if there is to be any hope for her hair!"

At this moment, I catch sight of the horrible disaster.

"Bwahahahahahahahaha!"

As I'm laughing uncontrollably, I manage to hear Twilight say, "Come on, how bad could it be?"

"Oh, it's a complete and utter disaster!" I inform her, struggling to keep my laughter from garbling my words.

"Imagine her mane," said Rarity, "turned into a porcupine!"

Rarity engulfs Twilight's own mane in her magic and pulls it upward and outward.

And instantly, I find myself awestruck at the result.

"Ohhhhhh..." answers Twilight in uncomfortable realization.

"Wait!" I exclaim, my laughter disappearing instantly.  "Hold that style right there!  It's fantastic!"

Before Twilight can react, however, Rarity releases Twilight's hair and starts shoving her back through the doorway.

"Please!" Rarity says softly, "I will bring her back from the brink of tragedy, but you have got to buy me some time!  There's no other way!"

And then, Rarity slams the door in Twilights face.

Well, that was rather rude, I think to myself.  And that's coming from me!

Of course, now I'm inside this salon and Twilight's not, but this is a simple problem with a simple solution.  As Rarity rushes back to Cadance's side, I open the door and walk outside without anypony giving me a second glance.

Twilight is waiting for me outside.

"What was that you said just now?" Twilight asked me curiously.

"I said that that mane style was fantastic!  It's such a shame you had to lose it!  You should definitely wear it like that sometime!"

"Discord, are you making fun of me?" says Twilight angrily.

I feel taken aback.  "No!  I'm telling you, that look was excellent!"

"That 'look' is a disaster!" cried Twilight.  "It looks awful!"

"No!" I insist.  "No, it doesn't look awful!  Now Cadance, her hair was awful.  Hilariously so.  But what your friend did with yours?  It was a masterpiece.  Look, Rarity was trying to make your mane into something messy and terrible, but the truth is that making terrible things is just not in her nature.  It wasn't a mess, it had a certain sort of direction to it, all while creating a clever illusion of being messier than it really was!  It was a work of art!"

Twilight just stares at me for a few seconds.

"Um...  Okay, wow.  You're being serious, aren't you?" she says to me.  "You have... very strange tastes, Discord."

"Speaking of strange tastes," I say, "I don't suppose you know where I can buy some nylon sheets in this town, do you?"

"...  Nylon sheets?" repeats Twilight, surprised at this request.  "Um, no...  Discord, how are you going to buy anything?"

"Relax, I still have a bunch of those gems I dug out of that cave to pay for stuff.  I'll just take what I need and I'll leave fair compensation.  That's okay, right?"

Twilight considers this for a moment.

"I guess, considering the circumstances, that's the best that you can manage short of having me pay for it for you.  But, well, I'm busy, so I guess you can... go right on ahead?  What in Equestria do you want with nylon sheets though?"

"It's a surprise.  Later when you're through showing the inspector around the city, I'll show you.





'Later' quickly became the present, and I now find myself walking with Twilight to unveil to her my masterpiece.

"So how did it go with the games inspector?" I ask.  Of course, I don't really care about these 'Equestria Games', but Twilight seems to care very about having a good trip here, so... yeah.

"It... didn't quite go the way we were expecting," says Twilight vaguely.  "It all works out in the end, but I still feel rather embarrassed about it."

"Well, this will take your mind off of whatever happened," I declare happily as I walk her around a corner and into an opening.  "Behold!"

Twilight did behold, and her eyes easily give away her astonishment.

"Discord, what is that?" she says in disbelief.  "You didn't make that, did you?"

"No, I didn't make it.  I bought it from a couple of salesponies that were honestly having a little trouble selling it before I came along.  All I did is paint it and make some minor modifications.  This, my little pony, is a mobile flying snow blower!"

"Flying?  Snow?  Blower?"  Twilight repeated in astoundment.

"Yep, and not only have I painted it in very fashionable red and yellow zig-zags, but it also flies after what I've done with it!" I answer her with glee.  "Take a look at this!"

I jump into a seat and twist on a new nob that I added to the design myself.

A huge white blob started slowly erupting from the new canopy roof I added.

"I've turned this beauty into a blimp!" I declare proudly.  "We can propel it through the air using the blower mechanism!  I have the machine tied to the ground for now, but I tested it earlier and it works."

"How in the world did you find the time and skills to make that!" Twilight cried.

"Hey, I've seen a lot in my time.  Besides, it turns out that I amaze even myself at what I can accomplish when I want it badly enough.  And, you know what?  Somepony once told me that one can't truly appreciate something without building it yourself with your own hooves.  I used more than my hooved appendage to do it of course, but you get the idea.  I didn't believe them at first, you see, but now, I see what she was talking about.  I feel very proud right now!"

"Wow, Discord, I...  I never would have expected you to say something so profound.  I'm proud of you too."

"Hey, you're not the only one around here with a few surprises.  Oh, by the way.  The ponies who built the thing put in some sort of magical engine thing that runs off of unicorn magic, but their design chews through energy like Princess Celestia through a cake."

"Why do you keep making these jokes about the Princess?" asks Twilight.  "Have you seen her?  She's not overweight!"

"I know, I know!  But seriously, have you seen how fast she can eat through those things?  Anyway, the engine, I was hoping you could help make it less power hungry."

"I suppose so...  Um... Discord, I don't mean to criticize you, but... I think your balloon has some irregularities in it."

I smile in devilish delight.

"Oh, I know.  You'll see!"

I turn the crank controlling the gas further.

"This crank here controls how much gas goes into the balloon," I inform Twilight.  "The more I let it have, the higher we go."

I look up at the balloon and watch it expand with barely contained glee.

"Wait a second.  Why does your balloon look like-"

"Oh my goodness gracious!  Oh my goodness gracious me!  You DIDN'T!  TELL ME YOU DIDN'T!"

"Awww yeah, I totally did!" I cry out, feeling quite pleased.  I crank the gas up even more.

"You...  You shaped and painted the balloon to look like Princess Celestia!" cried Twilight in horror.

"That's right!" I confirm as I hop out of the seat and onto the ground, eager to take a look for myself.  I move to Twilight's side and look up.

"And this is the best part!" I continue, looking up at the balloon with a giant grin.  "The higher we go, the more gas we have to give it, and the more gas we pump in there, the more 'Celestia's' midsection expands outward!  Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

"Discord, you know what I said yesterday about the Princess killing you over drawing some stupid face on her cutie mark?  Forget that I ever said that.  I...  I don't even know what to say right now!"

"It is glorious, is it not?" I say, watching as the large Celestia balloon upped her waist measurements by the second.  I pull Twilight's camera out and snap a picture.

"It's not glorious, it's...  It's...  I-  I've seen quite a number of political cartoons depicting Princess Celestia in a negative way in newspapers in my years, usually ponies questioning some of her more controversial decisions, but...  This is just the most outrageous thing I have ever seen in my life.  I mean, if your goal was to embarrass the princess...  Then you have more than achieved it."

"We haven't achieved my goal yet, Twilight Sparkle.  We haven't even dropped in to say 'Hi' to Celestia while she is having her little vacation!  Let me just give 'Celestia' here Equestria's most effective weight loss program and then you can help me get this thing to the train and hitch it up so that we can get it back to Ponyville, and tomorrow we'll ride it up to Canterlot and see just what sort of trouble we can give the real princess!"

"I can't believe I am doing this..." says Twilight.
> The Ways of Chaos
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

When it was finally time for the train back to Ponyville to depart, I decided that rather than going aboard like a normal pony, I would ride back in my flying snow blowing machine, which Twilight and I were successfully able to hitch to the train without anypony noticing.

When I told Twilight of my decision to ride in the thing for the return trip, she tried telling me that I would get very cold  when traveling through the frozen wasteland, but I assured her that it wouldn't bother me.

This was one of the dumber things I have ever done.

Holy chaos, I have never felt so incredibly cold before!  I didn't even know that it was possible to feel this cold.  Because I usually keep myself warm when necessary with my magic.  Yeah...  I can't believe I keep on making this sort of mistake!

I've suddenly reconsidered my fantasy of burying ponies in snow.  And it's not really very funny any more.  I... I had no idea how miserable it can be.

I almost considered crawling across to the back train car and slipping inside to get out of the cold air, but if I did that, I would end up having to explain to Twilight that I changed my mind, and I didn't want to do that.

Although, that wasn't the only reason I didn't actually do it.  If it had been, I would have gone inside anyway.  Avoiding the embarrassment of admitting I was wrong wouldn't have been worth it.

The thing that really stopped me was the fact that I was too freakin' cold to even move.

Thank chaos that the train is fast enough to get us out of that frozen wasteland in a decent amount of time, although I still wish it had been faster.  After I managed to warm myself up, I had quite a pleasant time watching the country pass by and singing.

When the train finally reached Ponyville, I hopped off and had to run ahead to the actual train station, where I found Twilight waiting, and, strangely enough, Spike and the whole gang of pets.  To my disappointment, the critters apparently didn't cause the little dragon any significant trouble at all.

Twilight helped unhitch the machine again soon after.  Of course, I wasn't going to make her carry the thing all the way to the library, even though I know that she could, so I convinced her to pedal it back with my help.  She was embarrassed about it at first, but by the time we parked the machine behind the library, she seemed to have mostly forgotten about that and treat it like a joyride.

She went inside and came back with a wrench and together we got the magic engine out of the machine and carried it inside and into her laboratory.

And that is what happened that led up to this very moment in time, the moment when Twilight said to me in a very serious voice, "Discord, we need to talk."

I know that tone of voice.  That's the 'If you keep listening to what I have to say, you are going to hate it' voice.

Unfortunately for me, I know perfectly well that Twilight is doing me a favor, and can stop helping me at any time.

"Is that statement in the general sense?" I ask, trying to keep the mood light and distract her.  "As in, 'we need to talk or our jaws are eventually going to glue themselves shut from disuse'?"

"No, Discord, I'm being serious," she continues.  "Before I do anything else, I need you to help me understand the position I have put myself in a little better."

Oh no, there's no getting around this one, is there?

"If we must," I reluctantly agree.  "So long as you working on that thing, I'll do whatever you want if it will make it go faster..."

"I have a very important question that I need to know the answer to.  Is there an end to this vengeance that you seek?"

This startles me.

"Huh?" I say in confusion.  "I don't understand the question."

"What I mean," says Twilight, "is, are you going to try have me help you keep 'getting' back at Princess Celestia for the next thousand years?"

"You mean, do I want to prank Celestia for one-thousand years straight?  Good grief, no!  Do you know how dreadfully tiresome that would become?  What about all of the other fun things that I would want to do?"

"Well, you do sound convincing," says Twilight uncertainly, "but how do I know for sure that you are being honest with me?  Because I want to make it clear, I only agreed to help you embarrass the Princess a little bit.  I will absolutely not have any part in any attempts to make her miserable or destroy her reputation.  Is that what you want?"

I blink at her a few times, and then relax a little.  Is this all?  Well, I know exactly how I can put Twilight's mind at ease.

"You think that because Princess Celestia imprisoned me for a thousand years that I would want to make her life miserable for a thousand years so that I can get even.  But that isn't true.  Otherwise, I would have a grudge against her sister too, and I don't.  I don't hold grudges.  I am a follower of chaos, and chaos is fair.  Chaos is not even, it is fair at random, but it certainly doesn't focus on one thing only."

"But how do I know that?" asks Twilight in concern.  "Your... dislike for Princess Celestia sure seems like a grudge to me."

"I like or dislike individuals for who they are in the present," I answer.  "Even though Princess Celestia did put me in stone for a thousand years, if it wasn't for the fact that she still wants to control my life and turn me into a do-gooder so that she can exploit my powers, I wouldn't be after her at all.  As soon as I feel like I've made my point to her, I'll lay off."

"I don't think the Princess wants to exploit your power," says Twilight carefully.

"So you don't think that she would, say, try to make me use my powers to spawn food for ponies?"  I say doubtfully.  "Because there is no way that I am going to do that.  Do you have any idea how much effort that would take?  And plus, if I start doing that, I'll never be able to stop ever."

"Princess Celestia expects every pony in Equestria to earn their meals," Twilight argued.  "I mean, it's true that the Princess isn't going to let anypony starve to death because they are unable to work or even if it's because they're just too lazy to work, but we don't need your help to provide for our ponies."

"Okay, bad example then," I say.  "Suppose that Celestia wants to... build a new wing onto Canterlot Castle.  For whatever reason.  If she says to me, "Oh Discord, please please magic this new wing into being so that you can save us a lot of hard work!' ...  I'm not going to do it!"

"I don't think Princess Celestia would ever do that either.  Aside from the fact that I am certain that she would never force you to do anything, hard work is an essential part of Equestria's economy."

"Fine, that was another bad example then!" I say in frustration.  "Let's say that something really bad happens and Celestia somehow manages to get herself kidnapped, and she can't possibly get away by herself!  And you lot can't help her for some reason.  You say that she would never force me to do anything, but I am positive that she would demand that I rescue her if she could!"

Twilight stammers.

"I really hope that that never happens," says Twilight uneasily.  "But...  no.  She wouldn't demand you help her.  She would ask for help.  She would beg for your help, even!  I would beg for your help.  If you have a heart at all, and I am convinced that you do, you would know what the right thing to do is."

I sit there in frustration for a bit, searching for some way that Twilight is wrong about this.

But, to my dismay, I can't think of anything that would seriously hold any water.

"Argh!" I scream aloud, and I grab the corners of a nearby table and lean against it.

"You're right!" I admit quite loudly.  "Dag-nabbit!  I'm so used to assuming that everypony must be like me and secretly is only thinking about personal gain with everything that they do, but that's just not in the nature of most of you ponies, and that's not in Celestia's nature either!  There's a million reasons that trying to reform me would be a tactical advantage for her, but she really is under the impression that it would be for my own good, isn't she?!"

I plaster my face into the table.

"But that hardly changes anything," I continue, my voice coming out muffled.  "For better or for worse, that mare just simply rubs me wrong!  I need to do this!  I know you may not understand, but I have to!"

Twilight puts her hoof on my shoulder, and, strangely, I feel a little comforted.

"I understand enough to know that you have to do what you have to do," she whispers to me.  "If helping you to do this will help you blow off some steam, then I'm willing to help."

I lift my head back up and look back at her.

"And the fact that I tend to drive everypony around me crazy?"

"You do do that," Twilight admits, and I give her a blank look before she continues on and says, "but... well, you do have quite a knack for having a fun time.  Look at what you did with Pinkie Pie!  Not only did you have fun playing music, but she had a wonderful time too!  I think that has to help make up for at least something."

"You really know how to cheer me up," I answer sarcastically.

"Sorry," Twilight responds quickly.  "You've given me an answer that I can live with now, so how about we change the subject?"

"To what?" I ask bitterly.  "What could we possibly talk about that will make me forget how miserable and stupid I feel right now?"

"Why don't you explain to me this 'chaos' philosophy of yours?" says Twilight.  "It seems obvious that you have a different definition of the word than I do."

I turn around and stare at Twilight.

"You want the spirit of chaos to explain to you the true meaning of chaos?" I say.

"If you want to," says Twilight.

I smile and feel some of the negative feeling drain out of me.

"Yeah, I can do that.  But I warn you, this is heavy stuff.  You would have to be a genius to keep up."

Twilight's cheeks turn the slightest shade of red, but she gives a small grin anyway.

"I think I might be able to follow along," she says.

"Very well then!" I cry, feeling rather pleased all of the sudden.  "The first thing that you should know is, despite most ponies apparently believing chaos to be the exact opposite of harmony, that isn't quite true.  It is true that the two are two different sides of a fence, but they aren't exact opposites.  If they were, I think the elements of harmony would have just vaporized me instead of turning me into stone."

"But I thought that chaos comes from conflict," says Twilight uncertainly.  "And conflict is the opposite of harmony."

"Chaos can come from conflict," I correct her.  "But what chaos demands isn't always fighting.  Chaos demands fluctuation.  Unfortunately, Equestria tends to be a land of constant peace, so that means that it is in constant need of being stirred up."

"Okay..." says Twilight, suddenly producing a quill and writing down notes on a piece of parchment.  "I think I got it."

I roll my eyes, but decide to not tease her about this.

"So, here is a question for you.  What if every sound that was ever made didn't become quieter and quieter over time until it disappears completely?  What if, instead, every sound becomes louder and louder for the rest of eternity?"

"That sounds like it would be... chaos," says Twilight simply.  "But that's not how sound works, so I don't see why this is relevant."

"It's not how sounds work," I agree, "But it is relevant because it illustrates how every little disturbance, no matter how small, grows more and more influential as time goes on.  And that is something that does happen all around us, with every little thing that happens, ever."

"How?"

"Well, you see, there is this paradox.  What would happen if you could go back and time and speak to yourself for even just a few seconds?  You would change all sorts of things about the future.  Your future would be changed so drastically from a ten second conversation that it would not resemble what your life would have been like otherwise whatsoever!"

"I know," Twilight answers casually.  "I tried it."

I stare at her in confusion.

"What?"

Twilight just shrugs at me before saying, "There is a time spell I used."

"...  Huh."

I sit there for a few seconds, saying nothing.

"I had no idea that ponies figured that one out," I finally say.  "You know, time travel is one of the very few things that I never figured out myself."

"Really?  But I thought that you could do... well, pretty much anything!  At least, when you have your magic."

"Almost," I say with no small amount of pride.  "But I'll tell you about that later.  Anyway, the whole point is, the flap of a butterfly's wing in Ponyville can cause tornados in Appleoosa.  If you give it enough time."

"I probably shouldn't mention that to Fluttershy," says Twilight in a joking voice.  "She would probably misinterpret that."

"Undoubtedly," I agree.	 "The next thing that you should know is probably even more surprising.  Chaos isn't the opposite of order either, at least, not the way that I define it."

Twilight gives me a shocked expression and doesn't even bother writing anything down.

"Wait!" she cries in alarm.  "How can that be?  Out of everything I thought I knew about chaos, that was the one fact I felt I was absolutely certain of!"

"It's an extremely prevalent misconception," I say.  I realize that I am feeling quite pleased with myself that I am actually teaching probably the nerdiest pony on the planet something that she doesn't know.

"Suppose you and I were standing in a field somewhere," I say.  "Not a particularly flat one, but not a hill either.  If I dump a bucket of water, the water will go all over the place and eventually stop when it finds a low point.  Right?"

"Correct..." says Twilight, eagerly waiting for me to further my explanation.

"Now, let's suppose that I try dumping more water again.  The water won't spread out in the same way that it did before.  It will tend to travel through the same trenches, but no matter how many times I try, it will never travel in the same way as it did the first time."

"Well, of course not," says Twilight.  "You don't have precise enough coordination to perform all of the motions of dumping the bucket in exactly the same way.  But if you had enough precision-"

"WRONG!" I cry out, startling Twilight.

"Um, excuse me," she says, slightly annoyed.  "It's not wrong.  It is known as the principle of determinism.  The more precisely you measure the input, the more precise the output.  That's one of the basic concepts in calculus, the fact that you can approach a number until you are infinitely close and determine the answer."

"I hate to break it to you, Miss Science," I say, earning a scowl, "But it turns out that when math is applied to reality, your principle of determinism just doesn't work.  And the best way to prove this to you is through one of my favorite aspects of mathematics: fractals!"

"What?  Math?  Fractals?  I thought you HATED those things!"

"I don't hate them!  Why would you assume that?"

"Uh, well... because math is the logic behind reality, and you break reality all the time?"

"I do not break reality!" I respond.  "Not any more than you do, at least."

"Okay, I'm sorry, but still, fractals?  Really?"

"Yep!  You know that some fractals are infinitely complex, right?  No matter how much you zoom in on them, it shows self similarity on all levels.  You can't ever zoom in enough to the point where the you stop finding more details."

"Yes, of course."

"Alright then.  Consider a Mandeltrot fractal.  I assume you know what that is, right?"

"It pretty much looks like circles with smaller circles sticking out of them, and smaller circles sticking out of those circles, and so on forever," says Twilight.

"So, let's say you start at the right side of the fractal and go counterclockwise some irrational percentage of the way around the perimeter of the fractal.  So, for example, half of the square root of two.  What is the slope of the line at that exact spot?"

I go silent and watch Twilight furrow her brow as she starts thinking.

It takes her about thirty seconds to say anything.

"I... I can't figure that out!"

She sounds utterly horrified.

"It's not because there is no answer," I inform her.  "Nor is it because there are multiple answers, or that the answer is an unreal number, or anything like that.  There is a perfectly normal number for an answer."

"I figured that out!" says Twilight in frustration.  "And I was trying to apply calculus to get the answer, but... but..."

"You see?  The problem is that if you try to increase the precision in any way whatsoever, you won't get any closer to an answer at all.  You can increase your precision to ten decimal places or you can increase it to a hundred quadrillion decimal places, and either way your output will be no closer to finding the real answer to the actual question.  The outputs are not random, but they sure don't help you any."

"You're right!" Twilight cries.  "Holy ponyfeathers, unless you've tricked me somehow, you're totally right!  I need to review this!  You do realize that this could change all sorts of things that ponykind thought it knew about reality?"

"Of course I do, but nopony has ever been smart enough or taken me seriously enough to actually listen to me!" I complain.

"Well, I'm listening now!" says Twilight.

"Another example is the three-body-problem," I say.  "That's the problem faced by a triple-murderer in hiding the evidence, in case you were wondering.  I mean, you can never really be sure whether they're going to get away with it in the end."

Twilight gapes at me, eyes wide open, utterly horrified.

"Discord, what is wrong with you?!"

"Hey!  I didn't say I'm actually a murderer!" I defend.  "It's just a hypothetical situation for the sake of science!"

"Some questions are better left unasked!"

"Alright, I'm sorry!  Anyway though, now that I have convinced you that determinism is flawed and dynamical instability is a reality, we can get back to my original point.  Chaos does not mean disordered or random.  Many chaotic systems display recognizable patterns, such as the situation where I dump water down a hill.  You can't predict exactly where all the water is going to travel, but it will eventually reach the lowest point in the system because of gravity.  In that case, gravity is the attractive force responsible for the water ending up at it's final destination.  It is the 'attractor' in the system.

"So, basically what this all means, and the way that this all applies to me and my personal philosophy is that I like to look into the infinite depths of possibility and do as many of the things that I like as I can, while avoiding the things that I don't like.  Even though I avoid doing some things, I'll still never run out of possibilities because they are infinite anyway.  It is an endless search for the very best possible things, and I don't mind the 'pretty good' things too.  Sugar is one of the best things, by the way.  That's why it's such a recurring theme with me.  There are so many ways that sugar as amazing.

"And now I can finally come to the best part.  Artificial attractors!  That is how my chaos magic works, you see!  You unicorns use your magic to force reality to change itself in the way that you desire.  There are ways to increase the efficiency of your spells, but the unfortunate truth is that your magic is a terribly energy-hungry process.  However, with my magic, all I have to do is merely create an artificial attraction to encourage reality that my idea of the way things should be really is the right way to be, and let nature make it a reality without me having to put much of any effort into it at all!"

"That's... different," Twilight admitted.  "That would also explain why you seem to be capable of performing so much magic in such a short amount of time."

"Don't get me wrong," I assure her, "I do have a tremendous amount of magic at my disposal.  Well, normally I do.  The great thing about it is that I don't need to give terribly precise instructions in my magic, unlike unicorns, who must specify exactly what they want.  Usually, I get what I want with little trouble.  Sometimes, it doesn't quite work.  If the attractor is too vague because I don't know what I'm doing, the magic won't be able to figure it out.  But for the most part it's easy.  If I want to make a tea pot come alive and pour me chocolate milk, it happens, I create an attractor that specifies that that's what I want.  The magic finds the path of least resistance to make it happen.  It doesn't matter that I don't have a freakin' clue how the thing actually does it.  And, honestly, I don't really care.  But, it is obvious that chaos magic is superior to what you ponies have."

"So, why can't you create an attractor that sends you to another point in time?" asks Twilight.

"I'm not entirely sure.  I can decide that this thing shouldn't be located in 'this' spot, it should be over there instead, and there you go, teleportation.  But if I try to create an attractor that pulls me to another point in time, it can't find a path of least resistance and it kinda gets clogged up with dangerous amounts of magic.  Obviously, there must be some sort of way to make it happen, since you ponies apparently figured it out, but I can't figure it out myself."

"I guess that makes sense."

"Well, I think you now understand the basics," I say.  "I have to say, it's great to be able to talk to somepony who actually understands some of this stuff.  I don't know if you have noticed, but, I adore chaos."

"No, really?" says Twilight sarcastically, and then immediately bursts out laughing.

"Well, um, since you are through with that, and since I still need a little bit longer to figure this engine stuff out, if you don't have any objections, would you tell me what you know about the elements of harmony?"

I feel myself tense up.

"Those things are terrifying," I say quickly.  "And not because they conflict with chaos or something.  Look, almost every single kind of magic that I know of involves manipulating the physical world.  The magic that those elements have?  It doesn't.  If you had a machine that could record every single detail about the whole entire universe at once and write it down, you would think that reading the thing that it writes down would allow you to eventually learn everything that there is, but that's not true.  There are certain things in the world that don't need to exist physically to be real and to have meaning.  Good.  Evil.  Emotions.  Friendship.  The magic of those elements is completely beyond my understanding, and it doesn't follow the same rules as other kinds of magic.  It makes these freaky connections between individuals that I can trace if I try.  But the weird thing is that the more connections you have, the stronger the magic gets, and the strength of the whole is greater than the sum of each individual connection.  And it... scares me.  ...  And, I also don't know why I'm telling you all of this.  I guess...  I trust you."

Twilight stays silent for a moment as she considers how to respond.

"Thank you for telling me.  You didn't exactly tell me anything I didn't actually know already, but you have given me a new perspective.  Um..."

Twilight falls silent again.

" 'Um'?" I say.  "If you have a question, just say it!"

"You said you can sense these friendship connections?  Can you feel one... with me?"

Oh, why, why did you have to ask me that...

"Er...  Yesssss..." I answer in embarrassment.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about!" insists Twilight.  "You specifically agreed you would be friends with me if I helped you!"

"I know.  That's not quite it though.  I can't control it, and I don't know what to do with it!"

"What do you mean?"

"Look, I can't control friendship, okay?  Remember back when you lot went trudging through that maze and I messed with everypony's heads?  I did all of that to put you under all pressure, because I can't actually sever friendships, or manipulate them in any other way whatsoever.  Even through everything that I put you all through, the friendships don't end until the ponies decide that they've ended.  Not when I say so.  I don't like not having control of things."

"Oh," says Twilight.  "Um, I see.  But you're partially wrong about one thing."

"Am I?"

"Well, I suppose you really can't force others to end their friendships.  Not just with a command, in any case.  But, this friendship between you and me, you do have control over it.  If you choose to, you can end it, all by yourself.  Not even I would be able to stop you."

I sigh to myself as much as to Twilight.

"I'm not going to do that..." I mutter.

"It's rather like chaos, actually," says Twilight, apparently sounding surprised at her own words.  "You don't just force a friendship to happen.  Not like how a unicorn forces nature to change.  Instead, you... encourage it.  You've dug a trench for the water to flow through, and now it just happens for itself."

"It's not quite the same," I argue.  "Even if I do have some control, you have fifty percent of the control."

"And I'm using my half of the control to follow along with what you want."

I sigh again.

"That's not very fair is it?"

"I don't mind if it's not fair.  I want to help you."

"Remind me to make this up to you later."

"Well, I think I've done the best I can with this engine.  I guess it's time to put it to use, huh?"

"Oh, goody!"

"I don't suppose you would reconsider using a different balloon?"

"Okay, I know I just said I'm going to make up to you, but the balloon stays.  It's too good."

"Fine...  But if Princess Celestia somehow manages to find out about it, I'm telling her that it was all your idea."

"Oh, she'll find out about it sooner or later.  Whether or not she can see it right now, I have pictures I want to show her later."
> Departure
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nothing is ever simple with ponies, is it?  Here I am, ready to go, right now, but noooo, my purple accomplice has a few 'last minute things' to take care of, like, 'I need to find someone to take care of Spike and Owlicious while we are away,' and 'I need to let all of my friends know that I won't be home for a little while.'  Good grief, girl, I bet if you gave him a chance, dragon boy could take care of himself just fine.  And Owlicious doesn't need a pet sitter, of that I am absolutely certain.  Those birds are born with survival instincts, and I know for a fact that he comes and goes as he pleases.

I knew that friendships were annoying.  I never realized just how annoying, however.  It's so bad that she can't do anything without taking the time to stop and tell her friends about every little thing!  Com'mon, they don't need to know everything!

But, of course, Twilight disagreed and disappeared with a promise to not linger.  At least there is that.  But, here I am, wishing she would hurry it up.  The tedium never ends!

Now I'm in the library all by myself once again.  And no amount of complaining to myself about this stuff is going to change anything at all by this point, so I may as well suck it up and focus.

This picture that I am sketching is coming along quite chaotically, if I do say so myself.  I was somewhat surprised to discover a box of colored pencils in Twilight's stuff, but they are certainly handy right now.  It's much easier to get those shades juuuust the way that I want it with these than with paint.  I wasted no time with grabbing a giant sheet of paper from Twilight's lab (apparently she keeps giant paper on hoof so that she can depict large and complex designs in detail on them) and get drawing.

I have never had the obscenely gigantic power required to create entire real worlds.  I can add to an existing world easy enough, sure, but I can't create a completely new one from scratch, nor can I fill in all of the empty space in any amount of time that I am actually willing to spend.  The visual arts provides an acceptable substitute.

I have always toyed around with the idea that by drawing these worlds, I am truly creating that world which I see in my mind, and my picture is in fact a still frame taken out of my creation.  It could be that it is so.  I mean, you look at a well made picture, and you can just tell what's about to happen, and sometimes you can even deduce what has happened up until that point in time that results in the image that you are seeing.  What if time flows for the inhabitants of that little world in the picture, but you don't see it, because you are not subject to the time in that world, you're stuck in a different world and subject to its time instead!  Maybe the inhabitants of the other world even make little pictures of your own world, and they didn't even know it!

In my picture, there is a draconequus, one very much like me, only not at all because I specifically jumbled up all the parts of his body to correspond to a random assortment of creatures, non-fictional and otherwise.

This draconequus has power too, but his power is a bit different from mine.  His power comes from his secret ability to have the artist of his world (me), draw in whatever he wants.  Oh, my little draconequus, you're so lucky to have me around.  Look around you!  You're better off than I am, that's for sure!  The world is upside-down, covered in plaid, and you're loving it!  Your rule of your world is absolute, and it is all thanks to me!  Enjoy it while it lasts though, because in a minute, a certain pony is going to come along and pull me away from this little project, and your mighty powers will be stripped from you.

...  Yeah yeah, I know.  The irony of this isn't lost on me.  Maybe the draconequus in my picture is more like myself than I will ever know.

Thought provoking.

I sigh to myself and just stare at my picture.  This is a picture of a happy little draconequus.  There is nothing about this image that doesn't scream 'happy'!  And yet...  When I look into it, I just feel sad.  And maybe just a little bit of jealously for the little guy.

This is what you call art.

I don't know.  Maybe something is missing from the picture.  If something is missing, I don't really know what it could be.  I guess I never actually gave the draconequus a name, but then again, that's not my job, is it?  It wouldn't change a thing about how the picture looks, no matter what his name is.

Well, how about this:  If I really am peering into another world as real as my own, then I'm sure that they can all handle their names without my help.  He can take care of himself.  I would know.

This picture isn't bad.  Why, strictly from an artistic perspective, it's excelent.  But... I don't know.  I don't know what to think.  Maybe I'll destroy it later.  At least then I won't have to explain it to Twilight.

Suddenly, I hear the front door of the library open.

"Uh, hey, Mister Spirit Dude, or whatever..." says an unsteady voice.

I turn around in suprise, as this is clearly not who I was expecting.

"Umm... yeah, this is awkward, are you in here?..."

My unexpected visitor is none other than Rainbow Dash.  What in Equestria does that girl want from me?  She obviously knows that she can't see me, and she's still trying to get my attention?  And is it just me, or does her voice sound uneasy?  As if she is afraid that I'll actually answer her...

"I mean, am I just talking to nopony here?" Rainbow continues.  "Um, maybe, you know, give me a sign or something that you're in here?"

Hmm...  Would that even actually work?

I decide to humor the mare for the sake of a little experiment.  I want to know exactly how effectively I can interact with somepony who can't perceive me.  Unfortunately, any communication would have to be indirect and therefore vague.

But it would be a start.

I remove one of the colored pencils from the box and toss it at Rainbow Dash's hooves.

The moment it hits the floor, she jumps slightly and turns to look straight at it as it clatters on the ground.  To her credit, she managed to avoid screaming.

"Okaaaaay," she says hesitantly.  "So, that was you, right?  I'm not just crazy and there's pencils jumping off of shelves now?  You're Twilight's... friend?"

I walk up to her and dump the whole box of pencils at her feet, causing her to actually jump and suspend herself in the air for a moment before hesitantly coming back down.

"Uh, yeah, okay, I'm just going to assume that was you and that I'm not crazy.  I mean, crazy things didn't start happening around me until I walked in here, so I'm pretty sure that it isn't me."

Something in the Dash's voice gives away her discomfort, despite her rather good job of acting like she's keeping her cool.  Something has her on edge, and I wouldn't be surprised if she suddenly decided to get out of here as fast as her wings will carry her.  I'm not sure why she would be acting like this, considering that she should be oblivious as far as recognizing me.  She's just standing there, silent.  Just before I was about to decide to scare her into action, she finally began speaking once more.

"Okay, so, talking to you is, like, super weird.  I mean, I can't even tell where you are.  You could leave the room and I would be left talking to myself here like an idiot."

Rainbow suddenly fell silent again and put on a suspicious expression.

"You better not have left the room just now.  I swear, if you're laughing at me, I'm going to be really mad."

"Meh," I respond apathetically.

"Are you still in here?" she continues.  "I know I keep asking that and it's probably driving you crazy, but it just drives me crazy that I always don't know-"

At this moment, I simply place my paw on top of her back.  A very simple action, and yet it causes quite the extreme reaction.

"Yeargh!" she yelps as she suddenly jumps several feet into the air.

"Ohhooo-kaaaaay," she says in a half laughing voice, letting herself fall back to the floor.  "Not going to lie, that was kind of scary.  Especially since I can't tell if you were... trying to hurt me, or what...  I don't even know what that was I just felt because I've never felt anything like that before and it felt super weird..."

She lets out a frustrated groan and launches into a tirade.

"Okay, I have to say this before I get scared out of my wits.  You are terrifying.  I actually hesitated for, like, ten minutes at the door before I could build up the nerve to come in here.  And this is me that I'm talking about, so you know that means you're definitely super scary.  I mean, the fact that I can't tell if you're about to hit me or something is just horrible.  I could totally take it, of course, but, you're... invisible.  That's... cheating, or something.  I know that I'm being silly.  If I was walking down the street and I met a new pony, would I be scared that he or she is going to hit me?  Of course not!  You see a pony, you think to yourself, 'hey, this is probably a pretty nice mare!'  Or stallion.  But... I don't know how to explain it, the fact that you're a complete mystery?  Suddenly I'm... I'm shaking in my horse shoes!  Even though you are just as likely to be a pretty nice guy the same as any other stallion I would pass on the street, right?"

Rainbow stops talking long enough that I feel that I should give her an answer, regardless of the fact that she won't hear me, as always.

"Yeahhhh..." I say.  "Maybe that's what probability would suggest, but I think you might have beat the odds on this one.  Probability is unreliable at best in any case."

"Look," says Rainbow Dash.  "I don't know if you're trying to comfort me and assure me that you're not going to hurt me or if you're just really mad that I came in here like this and won't go away, but I can't hear you if you're doing either one of those things.  I'm just going to say what I came here to say and get out of here before I get scared out of my mind.  Twilight doesn't know that I'm here.  She came up to me a while ago and told me that she is... is going to go off, gallivanting with some...body that we don't even know.  You can't expect me to not be concerned about that.  So, I came over here to find you so that I could...  ...  I...  I don't know.  Look, if you're screaming for me to get the hay outta here, could you... I don't know, do something!  Like, throw that red pencil!"

As she says this statement, I suddenly feel intrigued by the suggestion.

She actually did it!  She suggested a method of communication!  Due to the circumstances, it had to be her to suggest it, but she did it and now, in an admittedly limited and indirect way, I can actually get even her to acknowledge me!

I suddenly stop my celebrations as they are replaced with annoyance.

I could throw the red pencil like she asked and make her run out of here.  It would be mildly funny, but then this little experiment would be over.

I could also ignore her.  But doing nothing would make me feel like... like I'm failing at this.  Or something.

I have to.  I have to do nothing.

And so I do nothing.

"Um," says Rainbow after a bit.  "Are you saying that you're not mad at me, right?  You haven't left the room, have you?  I keep asking that, and I hate it!  But I can't- WHAHOAH!"

Rainbow Dash launhes herself away from me at my slightest touch.

"Whoa!" cries Rainbow again.  "Whoa.  Okay, I was kind of expecting it and that still freaked me out.  Whoa.  My heart is racing right now.  You could totally run a super successful haunted house, you know."

"What the heck is a haunted house?" I ask.

Rainbow naturally ignores me and continues on.

"Alright, so this is what I was trying to get at here, and I'm also totally sorry that I keep acting super weird about it, but I can't help it.  I really wanted to go with you guys.  I want to make sure that Twilight stays safe.  But, because of some craziness that is literally impossible for me to understand, apparently, everypony else is actually incapable of going with you.  To do whatever it is that you're going to do.  Twilight is a smart pony.  Actually, that was the biggest understatement ever.  Twilight is the smartest pony.  I really really want to trust that she knows what she's doing here.  But it's hard when you're left in the dark, you know?  So...  I want to make you promise me something.  I know this isn't as binding as a Pinkie Promise, but... if you promise to keep Twilight safe during your little 'trip'... then throw that blue pencil."

Well...  Why not?  I was planning to do that already anyway.

I go through the motions and the blue pencil goes clattering across the floor.

"Oh, good!" says Rainbow, apparently letting out a held breath.  "Good, good!  Ugh, that was stressful.  You must think I'm so dumb for getting so freaked out...  And I'm totally sorry, but I still think I had a pretty good reason to.  I didn't mean to come off so confrontational.  I really hope Twilight can help you fix your problem, I really do.  It must suck for ponies to not be able to see you.  I mean, if that happened to me, that would be the worst thing ever.  Although, come to think of it, maybe Fluttershy would actually enjoy it.  No, actually, forget I said that.

"Soooooo... I guess I said everything I came here to say, and I can't really hear you say anything back to me, so... is this the part where I just leave or...  You're still in here, right?  GAGHHAGH!"

Rainbow once again jumps like a rocket at my prodding.

"Holy ponyfeathers, that makes my heart pound!" cries Rainbow.  "And I'm not even flying right now!"

...

"Um, hey, uh, do that again," she says.

Now I start staring at Rainbow Dash in confusion.  But I ultimately decide not to question her and poke her once more.

She actually doesn't fly off this time.  She does scream again though.

"YAHHHAAHhhhhwhoaaaaaa..." she cries, trailing off.  "Hah!..." she huffs.  "There you go.  You see?  I'm totally not a wuss!  Ohhooo whoaaaa this feels sooo weird."

Oh yeah? I say to myself.  You think you can resist me?

I start my clawed hand crawling up her back like a spider and she cringes away, and yet still does not fly away.

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa-ho!" she cries as she starts swinging her legs around.  "What's happening here!  Hhhho-oooo-oooooo-oly ponyfeathers, what's happening to the library!?  What-  Where am I...?"

Ooookay then, this is suddenly getting really weird.  I'm just going to let go now...

I stop touching this crazy mare and right away she seems to come back to the real world.

"Whoa.  Okay, it's over.  That was so crazy!  I don't know what the heck your weirdness is doing to my head, but that was... a little bit scary, but also, aweeeeesooooome.  So.  Much.  Adrenaline."

I'm staring at this mare with my mouth wide open at this point.  I am utterly dumbfounded.

"Do that again, seriously!  Whatever you did, do more of it!  Do it!  Really!"

This is taking a major turn for the weird.  And that's coming from me.  I don't even know what to think right now.  I feel... I don't know, like, this isn't the way things are supposed to be happening right now.  This... this really doesn't feel right.

I suddenly don't want to touch this crazy friend of Twilight's any more.  I don't know if I could handle it.

But... some part of my brain just can't help but find out what will happen if I indulge her.

Suddenly, I get an idea, and as a compromise, I take the giant sheet of paper that I was doodling on before and then throw the thing over Rainbow's body, with the drawing on the inside.

Unless I miss my guess, this mare's whole world is about to become completely incomprehensible, seeing as she'll be completely surrounded by something of my own creation.

Rainbow Dash immediately starts shouting but almost instantly switches to something more like voicing her wonder at the incredibleness that is the inside of my sketch.  Her legs seem to be kicking at the air in slow motion, as though uncertain whether they would touch anything or not.

"Duuu-uuuu-uuude, what in Equestria did you just do to me?"

Holy chaos, all I did was drop a piece of freakin' paper on her!

"Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...  Whoa, WHOA!  It's getting smaller!  What is that color even?  Red?  Blue?  Green... what the heck, why can't I tell?  Those don't look anything close to alike!  What am I even looking at?  Why do I feel like I'm moving?  Whoaaaaaaaaa, whoa whoa whoa!

Suddenly, Rainbow managed to kick the paper off of her and regain her vision.  She looks all around her in complete bafflement.  Her eyes are actually misaligned, just like that other pony in town.  Fortunately, she manages to pull herself together and her eyes go back to normal.

Right up until they suddenly grow wide.

"Oh.  Uh, Twi."

Confused, I turn to look in the direction Rainbow is looking and I behold Twilight standing at the open door, carrying something in a couple of saddlebags and staring back at us both in so much confusion.

Rainbow's face instantly turns an impressive shade of crimson and she suddenly blurts out "Gottagobye!" before rocketing for the door.

Which she completely misses.  Instead, she slams into the wall beside Twilight and falls to the floor.

"Hugh, ow," she complains, rubbing her head with a hoof while sitting on her rear.  "Everything... so dizzy right now..."

She then looks up toward Twilight, her head swaying slightly.

"Heh, hey there Twilight.  I'm totally not on medication right now, I swear.  I just saw something totally crazy is all...  So.  Indescribable!  It was so awesome!  I mean-!  I'm fine!  I'll be fine, I promise!"

Rainbow makes another attempt at flying out the door, and this time manages it.  And, just like that, I've lost her.

Twilight turns her head to me and stares at me.

"I can explain," I lie.

"You... you actually don't have to..." says Twilight uneasily.  "I've been watching for a while now.  Since before you started doing... whatever that was.  I feel bad for listening in on what was supposed to be a private... one way conversation, but I wanted to make sure that you two didn't get into a fight or anything, and then it just got... weird.  I thought for sure that she was going to explode at you with anger, but then she started... asking for more and I just... lost my ability to think."

"You're telling me?" I answer back.  "That friend of yours has just managed to achieve something incredible.  I am officially creeped out by a pony!  I have had many different kinds of reactions to my work over the eons.  Most ponies despise it, some try to ignore it, some try to fight it, a small few actually like it, but I can't remember anypony reacting to me like... that."

"Well, at least we have learned something from all of this, I suppose.  Forcing prolonged exposure to yourself or anything affected by your condition appears to alter the victim's senses in such a way that they perceive their surroundings as something alien and incomprehensible.  Understandably, this would frighten just about anyone quite badly...  However, it would appear that Rainbow Dash's enthusiasm for a good scare and adrenaline caused her... unusual reaction.  If it wasn't for the fact that she was literally asking you to do what you did, I would have put a stop to it."

"I was pretty close to putting a stop to it myself, actually..."

"Yes, well, I guess nopony got hurt... aside from dizziness and a sore cranium from crashing into my wall that is.  Annnnyway, um, I saw the picture.  It was... nice?"

"You don't have to lie to me, I know it's a pony's worst nightmare."

"Well, living in it, yes, maybe.  But I know how much you like it, and, well, looking at it from an outside perspective... it's sort of... interesting?  I just wish that our ideas of a good place to be were not in such conflict."

"Well, that may be true, but this country you ponies have set up for yourselves isn't sooo bad.  It just leaves me with more than ever to do!"

"I... guess that's a good thing?"

"Possibly."

A moment of silence falls over the library as we run out of things to say.

Twilight is the one to end it.

"Rainbow Dash can be so weird sometimes."

"Your brain is still stuck on that too, huh?"

"Yep."

"She certainly gave the pink one a run for her money."

"Yeah."

"So then," I blurt out, obviously attempting to change the subject.  "Let's go get that Princess, what do you say?"

"Oh!  Um, yes, I'll just grab the rest of what I packed and we can leave at once!"

"Finally!" I cry aloud.  "I'm going to get into the machine while you have fun doing that."

"Very well then."

I quickly run out the door and eagerly rush to my hilariously offensive blimp.  I don't have to wait for very long for Twilight to come after me, carrying even more luggage.

"I hope you can find somewhere for all of that junk," I observe.  "This isn't a cargo train."

"Well, the machine has several nooks and crannies where I can tuck things away in the area behind the seats.  Besides, I'm going to cast a spell to keep it all from spilling.  Also, I'm going to use that spell on myself to prevent me from falling out of my seat.  And also just a couple of general fail-safe spells.  Can't be too careful."

"That isn't going to restrict your movement, is it?" I ask.

"No, it will just ensure that all parts of my body stay inside the seating area at all times.  And if need be, I can dispell it in a second."

"Fair enough.  All ready?"

Twilight sighs a little at this.

"As ready as I'll ever be.  I just hope everything works according to plan."

"We've already run a couple of test runs," I remind her.  "Everything works fine!"

"It works fine for the short term, at least," Twilight admitted.  "I've triple checked everything, and after our minor alterations, everything does honestly seem to be about as safe as one could hope for.  Long term problems though, who knows what problems might arise?  I suppose we can handle whatever is thrown at us though, right?"

"Of course we can!" I declare in a voice that let her know that this fact should have been obvious.  "You are traveling with me!"

Without any further word, I activate the machine and start ascending.

"Oh dear.  I hope I didn't bring too much," Twilight suddenly says.

"Come now, Twi.  If this thing can lift Celly's girth," I say, pointing above my head, "then it can lift anything."

"Discord, 'Celly's girth' is whats lifting us in the first place."

I put my paw to my chin as though surprised by this revelation.

"Oh yeah.  Who'd've thunk it?  We seem to be fine though.  Just a little extra gas into our good ol' balloon is all.  What have you brought with you in those bags of yours, anyway?"

Twilight looks surprised.

"Oh, of course!  I was going to tell you before, but I completely forgot about them because of- well, you know.  Well, you see, when I went to Fluttershy's cottage to let her know where I'll be, she insisted that I take some sandwiches for the road.  Her words, not mine, we're not going to be traveling by road, but still, it was very thoughtful of her and I'm sure that I'll be thankful to have them."

I give Twilight's rather hefty looking bags a doubtful glance.

"She made you that many sandwiches?"

"Oh, no, actually.  So, then, when I went to Pinkie Pie, she loaded me up with more sweets than I can shake a stick at.  I hope you will help me eat them, it won't be good for my health to devour so many sweets."

"Have no fear!" I declare loudly.  "I have no problem at all with relieving you of your delicious baked goods!  The pastries from that bakery are impeccable I tell you!"

"You really like them that much?" asks Twilight in surprise.

I make a show of being nonchalant as I twist a knob and pull a lever and start the blimp moving forward.

"Well, don't go advertising it, but yes, I very much do.  Somehow, the goods sold at that store are irrefutably tastier than my own technically perfect treats that I would once upon a time summon.  Which reminds me, I have need of that scientific mind of yours when we are done with the 'get my powers back' thing."

"Huh?  Why?"

"I need you to help me analyze Sugar Cube Corner's baked goods and identify the reason that they are so delicious!"

"Why not just ask Pinkie Pie when it comes to it?" asks Twilight.  "I'm quite sure that most of their baked goods don't use a secret recipe, so I'm sure she would tell you."

"No..." I whisper back to her suddenly.  "We must discover it ourselves, mein freund!  You and me!  Else our reputation shall forever be forfeit!"

"...  How did you come to that conclusion?"

"It matters not!  Also, just so you know, I already snuck a peek at their recipes.  There was nothing out of the ordinary, which is highly disappointing.  There must be something special about one or more of the ingredients!"

Twilight actually seemed to consider this.

"I suppose it's possible.  Alright then, We can analyze it later."

"I can't believe Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie gave you that much free food and Rarity the element of generosity did no such thing."

"Don't make assumptions.  I actually I wasn't finished telling you everything I brought.  Rarity also gave me something for the road.  Nothing terribly fancy, just salad."

"A salad?" I cry out.  "You've got a salad crammed in there?"

"It's sealed," Twilight defended.

"By chaos, girl, I was perfectly content with lone vegetables to eat!  Just so long as it's not nasty, I will eat whatever we have without complaint!  We have more important things to worry about."

"Well, all of the girls wanted to help me somehow, how could I say no?"

" 'All of the girls'?" I repeat back to her.  "Don't tell me that that apple farmer gave you a feast as well!  What am I saying?  Of course she did!  So, we're going to have apples for breakfast lunch and dinner every single day?"

"Not everything that Applejack gave me is made with apples!" Twilight insisted.  "Just... a whole bunch of it."

"I see...  So, what did Rainbow Dash give you then?"

"Actually, she didn't give me any food.  I think she was more concerned with trying to have a word with you.  I do mean trying.  You wouldn't want any food that Rainbow Dash has anyway, it's all specially made to keep her perfectly fit."

"And by that, you mean gross, right?"

"I don't care for it, anyway.  I guess some ponies like it...  I wouldn't define it as gross.  I mean, what is the definition of the word 'gross'?  I don't think it's a word you can precisely define."

"I believe the word 'gross' means one hundred and forty four." I answer.  "That means that Rainbow Dash eats food that makes her look like she is one hundred and forty four."

Twilight lets out a snort.  "Seriously?" she complains, unable to hide her amusement as she does so.

"She's still doing a lot better than those two princesses of yours.  They look like they're, oh, a few thousand years old?"

"Well, I think there are many ponies who would say that you look like you are even older than they."

"Well, those ponies are wrong."

"Discord!  You can't just force your opinion on others!"

"I'm not forcing my opinion on others.  They are entitled to their opinions.  And they are wrong ones."

"You...  You..."

Twilights voice unexpectedly lightened up with the second 'you' she spoke.

And then suddenly she started laughing.

"Oh my goodness!" she exclaimed.  "I can't even tell if you are being serious or not!"

"Good.  I like my air of mystique."

"Oh, don't pretend you have an 'air of mystique.'  I think I have a pretty good idea of what to expect from you.  I don't think you were being serious, and I also don't think you were being not serious.  I think you were just saying words in order to provoke a reaction!"

I hesitate.

"Oh yeah?" I challenge.  "Well, you're purple!"

Twilight actually lost her grin and did a double-take at me.

"Fine," she admitted.  "Clearly, you win."

"What?" I cry out, actually a little upset that Twilight gave up the argument so quickly.  "No I don't!"

"Are you now saying that I am not purple?"

"...  That's exactly what I am saying.  You are actually a very rare shade of the color poi-ple," I insist, intentionally mispronouncing the word.

Twilight gave me one quick look and burst out laughing again.

"Anyhow," I continue, not even waiting for Twilight's laughter to die away, "I can't believe that you've managed to manipulate almost every single one of your friends into giving you free stuff.  And all you had to do was leave town?  Are you sure they aren't paying you to make yourself scarce?"

"Of course they aren't!  They're trying to be helpful!"

"Hmm...  So.  Downside of friendship: You can't go anywhere without wasting a lot of time telling all of your friends about it."

Twilight gives me a look.

"Upside of friendship: Your friends will apparently give you free stuff all the time!"

"Discord!" cries Twilight in a laughing manner.

"Well, it is true.  Can I do that too?  Can I make you give me free stuff?"

"Hmm, maybe, but not with that attitude," says Twilight, suddenly giving me an eerie smile.

"What then," I say bemusedly.  "Let me guess.  Instead, I should be all 'nice' about it and say please and thank-you and all of that sappy garbage."

"Actuuaally..." says Twilight slowly.  "Strictly speaking, no, you don't have to do that."

If anything, Twilight's smile grows even bigger.

"If you promise not to tell anybody, I'll tell you the secret method to making ponies give you lots of free stuff."

She can't be serious.  There's no way that this secret method actually exists.  Not without using magic, surely.

I can't help but feel like I'm falling into a trap.

But I can't stand it.  I have to hear this.  I have to know if she's being serious here.

"Alright, I'll bite, what is this secret method?" I ask doubtfully.

"You have to promise!"

"Alright, I promise I won't tell anybody!" I say.  "If your 'secret' actually has any truth to it, I'm not going to want to tell anybody else anyway, I'd much rather keep it to myself."

"Good!" says Twilight cheerfully.  "The secret... is this:  Every time anypony gives you a present, pretend that you don't want to take it."

I stare at the mare for about five seconds, and then blurt out, "I knew you weren't serious, do you really expect me to buy that?"

"I'm being super serious!" she insists.  "This is basically how it went with Rarity: 'Oh Twilight, you simply must allow me to provide you with a decent meal or two for your trip!'  'Thank you Rarity, but I can't accept this!  I'll be just fine without it.'  'Oh, no, Twilight!  You are far too modest!  I insist you take this!'  'Oh, well okay then, Rarity, if you insist, I guess I have no choice but to accept your gift!' "

Twilight finishes her sarcastic dialogue and looks at me, clearly expecting a response.  I just let out a quick laugh.  "Ridiculous!"

"Well, it works a heap better than greed.  If you want to know where that will get you, ask Spike about it sometime.  When he can see you again, that is.  But you just do what I told you to and ponies will shower you with presents.  Ponies love giving gifts to those who are modest.  It's as though they want you to be modest.  Even though their mouths are telling you not to be modest.  It's all nonsense, really.  Nonsense!"

"So..." I say slowly.  "What you are saying is that modesty... is a lie that you tell to get what you want?"

"Well, not always..." Twilight admitted.  "I myself am actually completely genuine when I say such things.  Everypony around me expects me to be some kind of super-pony with all of the answers, mostly because of my education under Princess Celestia, but I really just am not, and I constantly feel like I've only gotten this far because I've been very, very lucky.  But in your case?  Just go ahead and lie!  The other pony gets to think that you're actually a nice guy, and you get what you want, so really, no harm done, right?"

I start shaking my head violently.  "No.  I absolutely refuse to believe anything you are telling me right now.  What ever happened to almighty honesty?"

"I just thought I would relax the rules a bit in your case.  I deduced that you might be more receptive to what friendship has to offer if I did.  And if it works, it is worth it.  Anyway, complete and total honesty was always more Applejack's thing."

I stare deep into Twilight's eyes, trying to see her true intentions.  And, as I was expecting, I do indeed see mischief in those eyes.  But, no, hold on...  Why, she is being serious!  And laughing about it!

"You're serious!" I cry out loud.

"I told you I was serious!" she responds with a grin.  "Just don't try that little trick I taught you with me, because I'll see right through you, you silly liar."

I'm taken aback at that.  And then I suddenly am very impressed.

"Why, you crafty little pony..." I say softly.

"Mmm hmm!"

"Fine.  You got me there.  But back to the original topic here," I say.  "Is everything in those bloated bags of yours really just food?"

"What?  No, of course not.  This one here is a book bag."

"...  Alright, this one is on me.  I should have known."

"You are making fun of me...  Again..." Twilight says with a sigh.

"Oh, I would never!"

"Sure...  Anyway, other than that, I have this one last one here with a few essential toiletries, such as my toothbrush, a towel-"

I let out a huge gasp.

"Hah, really?" I cry.  "Me too!"

"I could do without the sarcasm, Discord, I really need this stuff."

"No, you don't understand!" I cry happily.  "I brought my towel too!"  I have my arm plunged inside the bag that Rarity sold me, searching, until I find it, and then I pull it out triumphantly.  "You see?"

Twilight examines the mess of colors in my paw.

"What in Equestria did you do to that thing?" she asks in concern.  "And where did you get it?"

"Oh, I didn't do anything special.  I just put a bunch of different colored paints on a dinner plate and then stuck the towel in and spun it around and around and around... I like the swirly."

"Okay, but where did you get it?"

"I bought it from a spa in the crystal empire."

"Oh.  Um, did you bring anything else?"

"Eh, I have all of that stuff that Rarity sold me, but a lot of that stuff would be way more useful in a cave than way up in the sky.  Probably.  Unless I can think of some other creative uses for this stuff."

"Hold on.  You're really telling me that the only thing that you brought with you besides caving gear... is a towel?"

"Of course it is!" I cry out.  "Don't you know that a towel is just about the most massively useful thing any hitchhiker can carry?"

"What?" cried Twilight, bewildered.  "What are you going on about now?  We're not hitchhiking!"

"Irrelevent," I answer back.  "With the sheer versatility of the towel, I will make this journey a success!"

"What?"

"Look, I want to embarrass Celestia, but the real trick will be to get her without her suspecting that somebody is actually messing with her, otherwise she may grow too suspicious and cut her vacation short.  Celestia is going to be doing sports stuff, right?  That means that she is going to be outside.  And we have this fabulous blimp.  So, naturally, a towel is just what I need!"

"You're going to embarrass Princess Celestia... with a towel?"

"More or less.  Drive her a little crazy would also be accurate," I say with a grin.

"You're not going to hit her with it, are you?" asks Twilight in horror.

"Of course not!  I don't care for anything resembling violence.  Besides, we won't be getting close enough to hit her, we'll be in the blimp, remember?"

"Then I have no idea what you are getting at," says Twilight in confusion.  "Your intent couldn't be to write something embarrassing on the towel and show it to her from the air.  She wouldn't see it."

"Then I get to suprise you!  Oh, I do hope you will be impressed with the sheer genius of this idea!"

Twilight hesitates.

"Alright, if you say so, then I'll trust you.  I expect it to be a good suprise."

"Well, it will be extremely funny."

"I... I hope so."

We both go silent for now.  I decide to take in the scenery for now, seeing how conversation seems to be suspended.  I can't really explain it, but the world looks different from the blimp than it did flying with my wings.  Also, this is actually the highest in the sky I have been since losing my powers, and the blimp is more steady than I might have guessed, being propelled by shooting air and all.

Twilight has already dragged one of her books out.  I take one glance at it and I can tell already that it's a spell book.

"Really?" is all I say to her.

She says even less back.  She just smiles to me.

In response, I just shake my head and make a gesture of apathy.

Actually, we are making pretty good progress.  Before long, we'll be flying over Canterlot and then we can redirect our path to fly over the route Celestia should be taking.

And Twilight seems to have noticed what my attention was drawn to, judging from her next sentence.

"Somewhere in that city is your powers."

I look over at her with my eyebrows raised.

"Do you often state the obvious?"

"No, I was just wondering...  We have the opportunity to go and get your powers, right this instant.  We could give up on chasing Celestia to Manehatten and just go... figure out where they are first, but then go and get them.  It's not like Celestia will be capable of telling us where they are even if she wanted to.  She won't remember.  And I know how badly you want them back, so...  Why?  Why are you putting it off?"

I don't answer right away.  Twilight allows me some time to muse this to myself.

"A fair question," I finally declare.  "And one that deserves an answer.  You see, unlike what my experience with the mushrooms might lead you to believe, it is definitely impossible to destroy my power.  It is intangible, wild, and simply must fundamentally exist.  If it didn't exist somewhere, somehow, there would definitely be something fundamentally wrong with the world.  So, ultimately, it doesn't matter how long I wait, my powers will definitely still be waiting for me in the end.

"But, as for why I don't want them back right now, even though I could go and get them right away...  I don't know.  It's much harder to explain.  I guess part of it is because I want to show Celestia proof that she doesn't control me even without my powers.  But, there is more to it than that.  I...  I guess..."

I trail off.

Twilight just gives me a wide eyed stare and says, "You guess what?"

"You're really going to make me say this aren't you?" I ask in slight irritation, but also slight amusement.  "I guess I've discovered that...  I'm really enjoying myself lately, especially ever since you decided to come 'round and assist me with all of this.  I...  I guess I'm just a teeny bit afraid that things will go back to the way that they used to be, and I'll never get the opportunity to see how all of... this plays out.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little curious."

"I don't think things can go back to the way that they used to be," says Twilight.  "No matter what happens."

"By chaos, you sound sappy."

Instead of a proper response, I suddenly hear Twilight let out a rather large gasp.

"What is it?" I ask, turning to her to see what has caught her attention.

But her nose is still buried in that book.

"What could possibly be so shocking in between the pages of that spell book?" I ask.

"Oh, its nothing!  Nothing you need concern yourself with, I was just surprised is all."

The fact that she clutches the spell book to her nose does not escape my notice.

"Oh no you don't," I say back to her.  "You've got my attention now.  Spill it."

"Well, um...  Okay.  I suppose you do deserve to know.  You've been so open with me, after all."

She slowly removes the book from her face and holds it out to me with the pages wide open.

"The thing that I was so surprised by... is... that," she states.

I halfheartedly glance over the pages, but, as expected, this doesn't do me the slightest bit of good.

"Twilight, I don't do the 'scholar' thing," I say.  "What am I looking at here?"

"Um...  This is...  This is..."

"This is...?"

"It's...  Well, I mean, it was...  The backup plan."

"What?" I cry in frustration.  "What do you mean?  Twilight, what in Equestria is this spell?"

"It's the backup plan for how I could fulfill Princess Celestia's wish and reform you.  You know, once you came back from running away from us, and only as a last resort, I assure you!  And I have decided that it is unnecessary at this point, so I promise you I'm not actually going to use this!  It's... it's a reforming spell!"

I squint at her, trying to read her expression, but forcing myself to not jump to conclusions.

"Explain," I command.

"I know what you're probably thinking!" says Twilight hurriedly.  "But this spell does not force the target to change in any way.  What it is is actually a sophisticated communication spell!"

"What?  I don't understand," I say in confusion.  "You were going to reform me with a communication spell?  How could that possibly achieve anything?"

"I believed that it would be useful because what it does do is establish a mental line of communication between the caster and the target.  I was afraid that you would simply shrug off any attempts we made to reason with you and simply disregard what we said without actually considering our words.  With this spell, you wouldn't be able to do that nearly as easily because it causes the target to understand the casters point of view and the caster in turn understands the target's point of view.  Actually, I used a low power version of the spell to reverse the effects you put on my friends in that maze."

"Huh?" I exclaim, now quite shocked.  "You undid my magic by sharing your mind with your friends?"

"Well, yes, actually.  Your magic essentially altered their personalities and then also created mental barriers to keep their minds from self-correcting themselves and removing your tampering.  By uniting my mind with that of my friends, I was able to help them do what you prevented them from doing and remind them of not only who they were, but also show them why they are who they are.  In turn, I understood the turmoil you placed on each of them... but ultimately, it failed to affect me because it was all nothing but flawed logic and lies that you forced them to accept with magic.  Actually, because of this unstable foundation that your deception was built upon, undoing it all was actually quite easy, and it was actually unnecessary for me to use the spell to its full potential.  While my friends were incapable of seeing those flaws, I was, and that is why I was able to unravel your illusion."

Twilight fell silent and simply stared at me nervously.

"Well?" she asked after only a moment.  "Please don't just sit there saying nothing.  What do you think of all of this?"

"You care far too much about what others think, Twilight Sparkle.  Never the less...  In my opinion, you found quite the clever solution and managed to find a crack in my defenses.  While I am disappointed that the key to restoring your friends minds was relatively simple, I do admire you as a strategist."

"You...  You approve of my decision?" said Twilight in shock.  "But what about my plan to use the spell on you, if necessary?"

"Twilight, consider this:  You said that you only needed to use the spell in a low power form, and never needed to use it's full potential, and the reason for that is because your friends were not truly horrible ponies at their core.  However, unlike your friends, I have no spell cast upon me that causes me to act or think the way that I do.  Changing me would doubtlessly be far more difficult than changing your friends back.  So tell me this: what does the spell do differently at it's full potential?"

Twilight's ears pulled back against her skull.

"The more power put into the spell, the deeper the caster and target see into one another's minds, and the more they understand the other's way of thinking.  I theorize that the deeper the two are interconnected, the stronger the conflict between them would become, until it turns into a contest of will, and one side or the other may be forced to understand things through the eyes of the other before the conflict is resolved.  Metaphorically, that is.  Essentially, there is a significant chance that either you would be made to think more like myself... or I might have been made to think more like you."

"Then I'm sure that you have more than one reason that you were determined to not use that spell," I answer her.  "I imagine that the idea of being forced to be more like me isn't so attractive to you right now."

"To put it bluntly, yeah...  I'm not sure that I would have been willing to go through with it even if I did feel that it was the only remaining option."

"Well, I say it's definitely a good thing that you are so opposed to it and never used the spell.  Personally, I'm convinced that it would have backfired on you, and I wouldn't have appreciated it any more than you would have.  Sounds like a terrible way to come to an agreement, regardless of which way it would have played out.  But if you want to know why I'm not more upset... the spell seems to be fair.  It doesn't cheat, and it doesn't force anything.  Which, yes, I know, is completely hypocritical of me considering that I cheated you and forced things to be my way like crazy, but to be fair, I saw absolutely no reason why I should care whether you were angry with me in the first place.  I assumed that that was the way things always had been and always would be.  Ponies would always hate me, and I would always hate ponies.  Playing dirty didn't matter if the ponies were going to hate me no matter what anyway because of what I am.  However, it would appear that things might not be as they seemed.  I haven't figured out whether you are just an anomaly or if I have misjudged ponies altogether and made false assumptions, but I'm going to find out.  And when I do find out...  I don't know what I will do.  It depends on exactly what I find.  In any case, it would appear that you found a better way of dealing with me in the end anyway, which was what you say you hoped for all along, and I can honestly say that I appreciate that.  It is far more than I could have achieved, or even would have wanted to."

Twilight was already blushing by this point.

"I... Wow...  You never cease to surprise me Discord, and in more ways than one.  I wonder what my friends would think if they could see you now."

"If your friends could see me now, then all of my problems would be over, I should think."

"You know what I meant!"

"But what has me really interested is other applications of that spell of yours," I say.  "Magic can be used to read the minds of others, as much as you surely despise the fact, but your spell goes beyond that, it would seem.  And I know that you have spells that can be used to share memories, as complicated as they are.  I do as well.  But can that spell of yours teach skills?  Because if it could, ponies could learn complex ideas in far, far less time than the traditional way."

"Theoretically possible, but extremely dangerous in practice," said Twilight quickly.  "Interconnecting two minds together so closely would once again result in a conflict of minds, only as an unintentional side effect, and once again, one or both subjects could potentially be changed forever by the experience.  There would be other dangers too.  Unless special care is taken to maintain focus on the subject at hoof, both parties also risk accidentally exposing their deepest and darkest secrets to the other.  So, in short, it technically is possible, but the price for doing so is far, far too high to do it under any but the most dire of circumstances."

"Hmm.  Interesting.  But probably for the best."

And so my co-pilot and myself ceased our conversing once more, content to leave one another with our own thoughts.  But I know that this will not last forever.  Soon enough, we shall be upon the Sun Princess.

If she's smart, she remembered to bring a towel.
> Twilight's Musical Interlude
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight lifts her nose out of her book and looks at me in surprise.  "Um, yes?"

"Put that book down for just a moment and listen to me now.  I want you to pay attention to what I have to say."

Twilight looks slightly alarmed about how serious I sound as she complies with my request.

"Okay," she says.  "You have my attention.  What was it that you wanted to say?"

"I have been thinking about what you said earlier, about how you think you are just a normal pony and how you feel like you've only achieved all that you have because you think you are constantly getting lucky."

Twilight stammers.

"But it's true!" she insists.  "I'm nothing like the Princesses, and I'm not even nearly as... interesting as you!"

"Quit comparing yourself to others!" I say.  "Especially to the princesses.  You're not like either one of them, and you are all the better for it!  And while I certainly won't deny my own attraction, that isn't to say that you aren't interesting yourself.  After all, you're my partner in this venture, so I expect you to make me look good!"

"But what makes me so special?"

I make an exaggerated gesture of rolling my eyes at the mare.

"The only reason that other ponies don't hold you in as high regard as they do Princess Celestia is that she is on the throne and the eyes of everypony in the nation are upon her.  Meanwhile, you have hidden yourself away and devoted your time to other pursuits.  Which is just fine.  But I know the truth: You're better than Celestia.  That's why she relies on you for so much."

"You say all of these things," says Twilight with doubt.  "But I have no reason to believe such generalizations.  What specifically makes me so great?"

"Oh, come on!" I cry at her.  "You don't need me to tell you that!  Take a page from Rainbow Dash's book and take a moment to revel in your achievements!"

"Discord!  That's... that's so egotistical!"

"Exactly!  My friend doesn't get to act like she doesn't deserve recognition!"

"But what would my other friends think?"

"Hey, guess what!" I whisper with a smile.  "Your friends aren't here right now.  We're sooooo high in the sky right now, nopony will hear you except me, and I want to hear what you have to say for yourself."

"I don't know..."

"Come on, do it!  Do it, do it...  For me..."

Suddenly, to my slight astonishment, I feel a feel the strangest 'twang' in the magic around me.

"Well, okay," says Twilight, finally in acceptance.  "If you really want to know that I have to say about myself..."

I can feel the tell-tale signs of a spontaneous musical number in the air.  And it's a fast one.

Twilight takes a deep, deep breath.	

	"I am the very model of a magician intellectual,
My endless thirst for knowledge is outright aspectual,
I adore mathematics, and I am the town librarian,
I know many facts about the stars, but also matters Tellurian,
I am experienced in various subjects, from archeological to agrarian,
I have studied many creatures, terrestrial and aquarian,
My knowledge is enormous, but I can’t say that I’m sagacious,
That is why I am so very lucky to have a friend like Owlicious!
I am have tremendous ability in all things thaumaturgical,
My precision at inscribing rune matrices, well, I’d say is surgical;
In short, my adoration for knowledge is outright aspectual,
I am the very model of a magician intellectual!"

She stops for a second to take a breath.

"Ohho, that's good!" I declare.  "I'm definitely going to start referring to that bird as 'Owlicious the Sagacious'.  But remember, this is supposed to be about how great you are, not your friends.  You can sing about them later."

"Right.  Okay...

	My substantial compendium of tomes has taken ages to procure,
I own books by the thousands, both common and obscure,
Some think I work too hard, but I don’t need a vacation,
All the relaxation I need is some time with my compilation!
I'm struck with anticipation when I conclude a dissertation,
But I burst into celebration when I achieve publication!
To be among the masters would be a tremendous sensation!
My greatest hope is for my research to one day sweep the nation!
I most definitely am not lazy, I can disprove this fallacy;
An active mind is the best way to burn a calorie!
In short, my adoration for knowledge is outright aspectual,
I am the very model of a magician intellectual!"

"So, is your tongue in a knot yet?" I ask with a grin that I couldn't hold back if I wanted to.

"Not yet," she responds.

	"There are a great many reasons why I am a benefit to society,
Few can match my magic in either capacity or variety,
I know countless spells, but I’m also quite good at improvisation,
Which is a skill that is enhanced by my aptitude for formulization,
I know a spell that will reverse gravity within a certain localization, 
And I know magic that will give amplification to my vocalization,
Others will attest that I have the ability to lift an ursa minor,
With nothing more than magic, I have the power to shear a carabiner!
My studies of all of these things has been painstakingly meticulous,
My mind is packed with so much stuff that it is actually ridiculous!
Even so, my everlasting desire for knowledge is aspectual,
I am the very model of a magician intellectual!"

I didn't even notice, but at some point during this spontaneous performance, Twilight apparently stood up in her seat.  And now she is sitting back down, puffing slightly.

"The spirit of chaos is pleased!" I announce happily.  "I applaud you!  Well done!"

"That..." begins Twilight, and then she hesitates, but only for a moment.  "That was actually pretty fun."
> Celly Flips Her Lid
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ohho-ho-ho!" I cry out happily.  "Now this looks suspicious, does it not?"

Twilight looks up from her book to take a look at the building a short distance away below us, particularly at the six carriages.

"Well, Princess Celestia did say that she was going to be spending the day at a sports resort of some sort.  I guess we've caught up, huh?" she says, summoning her book bag and then placing the book inside.

"Where are we, anyhow?" I wonder.  "This place is rather isolated, although I suppose that is a good thing because they have quite a large field there."

"I'm not familiar with the location, but I think I can see a Reebuck advertisement over there."

"Oh well, it matters not," I declare.  "Let's get a bird's eye view here!"

"Here we go..." says Twilight.

As the machine flies closer, I'm able to see more of the large field.  It is fenced off to keep non-paying customers out, but this naturally doesn't slow us down.  There is a large running track running along the perimeter of the field, and inside of that are ponies engaged in a wide variety of sports activities.

"Who the hay are all these ponies?" I ask.  "Wasn't the Celestia going to book the place all for herself?"

"That's her guard entourage."

"Huh?  It is?  What about those ponies over there, just watching?  Anyway, I thought the guards all invariably have white coats."

"They're all guards.  The colorful ones have taken off their armor, it appears.  I suppose some of them are taking the opportunity to relax, just like the Princess is, although not all of them at once of course.  Their armor is enchanted to make them look similar when they wear it.  Well, at least in most cases.  I have seen just a few exceptions.  They are able to perform their jobs more effectively when they are incognito."

"Oh.  And here I was thinking that Celestia might be some sort of white coat elitist or something."

"No, of course not!"

"Alright, I was wrong," I admit.  "It was just a theory anyway."

I scan the area below, looking for the Princess herself.  I find her in almost no time at all, as she literally stands out.

"There's Celly over there," I announce, pointing.  "Looks like she's enjoying herself.  Is that normal for her?"

Twilight ignores this subtle quip at her Princess and instead gazes at her in surprise.

"She's playing tennis with some of the guards!" she says, declaring the obvious.  "That isn't normal!"

"Well, wasn't the whole point of this trip to get away from the burdens of ruling the whole country and have some fun?"

"Well, yes, I suppose so, but I'm just not used to seeing the Princess... enjoying herself around other ponies."

"Isn't she the one who made you make friends?" I ask in deadpan.  "That's a bit hypocritical of her, wouldn't you say?"

"The Princess isn't some kind of a recluse!" Twilight snapped back.  "It's just that her incredibly busy schedule leaves... precious little time for actual socialization that isn't with someone that she is obligated to talk to...  It isn't her fault!"

"Well, if I were her, I would make time for it, and who cares what anypony else thinks about it?  Which... is why Celestia is much better at ruling Equestria than I am."

"Wait, you're admitting that Celestia is a better ruler than you?" says Twilight, sounding quite shocked.

"Better at ruling harmoniously.  If freedom via anarchy is your thing, then I've got you covered.

"That mare isn't actually even that great of a ruler anyway," I mutter, making sure that Twilight didn't mistakenly get the wrong impression.

"Of course she is!" Twilight rebutted, as expected.  "Equestria is arguably the most prosperous and peaceful nation in the entire world, thanks to her!  But I guess peaceful doesn't appeal to you, does it?" she finishes in aggravation.

"Whoa, what's with the sudden aggression?  First of all, how do you define the word 'peaceful' here?  If you define it as an antonym of 'violent', then I'm all for it.  If you define it as synonymous with the word 'boring', then I'm not so for it.  The peace that Celestia imposes is kind of both, if you ask me."

"I'm sorry," says Twilight, her mood swinging from angry to apologetic almost instantly.  "I was taking my frustrations out on you and making false presumptions.  You didn't deserve that."

"Alright, alright, I forgive you!" I cry in annoyance.  "Just go back to being 'happy Twilight' instead of 'innocuous and apologetic Twilight', I liked you much better that way."

"Wha-"

"Oh, yes, and another thing, about Celestia.  How do you think she managed to guide Equestria into this state of prosperity and peace in the first place?"

"I told you, it's because she's a good ruler!"

"Alright, fair, she's a good ruler, purely from a 'managing the nation' perspective, but she's not fantastic.  I don't know if you have noticed, but her special talent doesn't have anything to do with being a Princess, or managing a nation, or being talented in politics, or anything even resembling any of that.  It is true that she has gotten to be quite good at what she does after being trapped in her job for a couple thousand years, which clearly helps, but it's not the secret to Equestria's success."

Twilight gives me a confused look.  "But, then, what is?" she asks, finally displaying willingness to listen to my opinion.

"The real reason that Celestia is a good ruler is her magical ability for her ticker to keep on ticking, century after century!" I declare.

Twilight glares at me.

"Discord, that's not fair and you know it!"

"Let me put it another way then," I say.  "The reason that Celestia is a good ruler is because she has ruled Equestria ever since day one.  There has never been a time in Equestria's existence when Celestia wasn't a beloved Princess."

"Are you insulting Princess Luna now?" cries Twilight, becoming even more angry.

"No!" I cry.  "Gragh, I'm not saying it right!  Look, consider other nations outside of Equestria.  Take the Griffins for example.  Kings come and go, and every time leadership is transferred to the next heir, it's a complete gamble whether the new king will be a good one or a bad one.  A 'good' ruler, and use the term 'good' in a subjective manner mind you, a good ruler cultivates the kingdom into something that he or she can be proud to give to their heir one day.

"Now, on the other paw, a 'bad' ruler doesn't care about the stability and success of the kingdom at all, and they exploit the kingdom for their own desires and destroy everything that their ancestors achieved.  By the time they are out of the job, the next in line is left to pick up the pieces and has to start all over at square one.  And I know that by these definitions, I was a 'bad' ruler, but I had good reason to not care about what ponies thought, seeing how we didn't like each other in the first place.  I didn't have a reason to care.

"But my point is that Equestria has never had to fall apart and start over like that, because you ponies got lucky enough to have a decent ruler from the start, and she has been crafting Equestria into her ideal ever since.  It's not what I consider ideal of course.  It used to be better when Celestia had her sister ruling alongside her.  She helped spice things up."

"Wait!" cried Twilight suddenly.  "If I'm understanding you correctly...  Are you saying that you disapproved of Princess Luna turning on Princess Celestia?"

"I'll admit that the chaos surrounding Nightmare Moon's little rebellion was quite delicious," I answer.  "But I was smart enough to figure out what it would mean for the long term if those two couldn't manage to find a truce of some sort.  Either, one: Celestia banishes Nightmare Moon and she becomes even more boring than she was already, and indeed that is exactly what did happen, or two: Nightmare Moon banishes Celestia and imposes eternal night upon the nation and she becomes an inflexible tyrant that rules with an iron hoof.  So yes, it would have been better even in my eyes if those two had never gone at it.  As it was, I was actually sort of relieved that Celestia came out on top.  Do you have any idea how much worse being trapped in that accursed statue would have been if night was everlasting?"

"I suppose I can see your point," Twilight said.  "Well, Princess Luna is back, and she is starting to ease her way back into the diarchy.  Maybe you'll have less of a problem with Princess Celestia with her sister at her side."

"I'm counting on it," I mutter.

"What was that?" asked Twilight suddenly.

"Nothing!" I shot back quickly, suddenly embarrassed.  "What are we doing, hanging around anyway?  Going up!"

I give the balloon more gas and we quickly start ascending.

"What are we doing?  We're getting even further away from the Princess!" Twilight points out.

"I need moisture!" I answer her.

She pokes her head out to the side so she can look up into the sky without her view being obstructed by our Celestia balloon.  A moment later she pulls her head back and gives me a look.

I deactivate the magical engine.

"We aren't going to be traveling very far for a little while, so there's no point in leaving that thing idling," I explain.

We've now ascended into the cloud layer, so I decrease the gas once again so that the machine stays level.

"Alright, now, first of all, we need to pull one of these clouds down closer to the ground."

"Huh?" says Twilight.  "How are we supposed to do that?"

"We have a scoop for a reason..." I say mischievously.

"Oh..." says Twilight in understanding.

Pedal power allows us to make much smaller and more precise movements.  It doesn't take long for Twilight and I to align the machine's snow scoop in front of a long cloud, although the process was made slightly more awkward because it was necessary for me to point the air outlet over Twilight's head in order to move sideways a bit.

Maybe we should have figured out a different method of propulsion, but we have what we have.

"Alright, I don't actually know how much cloud we can cram into the machine before it stars coming out the blower, but we'll just take as much as we can carry and call it good."

"This... this is not what I expected to be doing today."

"Get used to it.  You should have learned to expect the unexpected by now when you are in my company."

I start pedaling once again and the machine lurches forward.  The cloud gets encompassed by the scoop, and then suddenly starts getting slurped into the machine.

I keep my eye on the blower, peering inside, waiting for the cloud to come through.

I don't have to wait long.

"Argh!" I cry in surprise, suddenly getting a face full of cloud.

Twilight bursts out laughing at this.

There is a suddenly a brief flash of light.  And not the purple light of Twilight casting a spell.  I didn't feel any magic anyway.

"Did you just take a picture of me with your camera?" I demand, unable to see for myself.

"Yep."

I sigh, and then put my paw to my forehead and drag it down my face, scraping the cloud away as I do so.

"Whatever, I guess you can do it if you want.  Wouldn't you rather have a picture of me in which you can actually see my charming smile though?"

"I can make you smile whenever I want," Twilight says in a smug tone.  "But I may not ever get you looking like that ever again."

I just ignore her for now and just focus on descending our balloon.

"Right here should be good," I decide, coming to a stop.  "Let's unload."

The cloud shoots out of the blower as I start pedaling again.

"Okay..." says Twilight uncertainly.  "Now what?"

"Now help me get close to it," I instruct, holding up my towel as I do so.

"Are you going to do what I think you're doing?" asks Twilight.

"Maybe."

Twilight doesn't speak again, but she helps me position the machine.

As soon as I am able, I reach my arms out to the cloud with the towel stretched between then and scoop off a chunk of the wispy stuff before drawing it back in. Then I wrap the towel completely around the cloud chunk and squeeze the fabric into it.  The cloud gets absorbed into the fabric, now reduced to water.

"More!" I declare as I scoop off another chunk off cloud and repeat the process.

After the second scoop, the towel is good and soaked.

"Are you going to squeeze that out over the Princess?" asked Twilight, partially horrified and... partially excited?

Just what I was hoping for!

"Naw," I answer with a wave of my paw.  "Don't want to attract too much attention, do we?  Even though Celestia probably can't see us, we still don't want her getting too suspicious."

"Oh," says Twilight.  And then she mutters something that I don't manage to catch.

"What was that?  You'll have to speak up!"

"Nothing!" says Twilight.

I look at her disbelievingly, but then decide to just shrug at her.

With Twilight's help, I steer our abominable blimp over the Solar Princess.

"There is a fine art to this sort of thing," I say as I hold up the towel.  "Sometimes subtlety can be just hilarious."

I wait for the right moment, and then give the towel the lightest squeeze and a large drop of water comes out and plummets toward the ground below.  It's much larger than your every day raindrop.  Celestia will definitely feel it.  Oh yes...

I can't keep my eye on the drop all the way down of course, but within a couple of seconds Celestia is looking skyward in confusion.

She completely fails to stop a serve from her opponents in the meantime.

"Hahahahaha!" I cry victoriously.  "Wow Celly, keep your head in the game!"

"Um..." begins Twilight.

I stop my laughter and turn to her, holding out my claw at her, urging her to go on.

"I can't help but feel slightly disappointed?" Twilight suggests.

"Ohho, no need to worry, it gets better!"

I let another water drop free.

It winds up having almost the same effect as the first.

Twilight gives me an uncertain glance, and then peers back down at the alicorn, now having some sort of a discussion with the guard ponies.

They're asking her why she's playing so badly all of the sudden, probably, I think to myself with a smile.  Well, either that or she's asking them if they feel any water drops, I suppose.

I take more careful aim this time and release another drop, and then I pull the towel back and wait for a reaction.

About two seconds later, Celestia's right ear flicks and she looks up once again, the confusion in her face having increased.  Even as she looks up into the sky, her right ear keeps flicking back and forth, as though trying to dislodge something.  It flicks about six times before she finally stops.

Twilight lets out a poorly concealed laugh, and I turn and look at her.

When Twilight realizes that I caught her, she stops holding back and starts letting out full fledged laughter.

"Discord, you're just terrible!" she says, but I can tell that she enjoyed that.

"Hey, all I'm doing is just proving to you that the Princess is just another regular pony, just like the rest of you," I insist with a grin.  "See, even she gets bothered by silly little things."

"Yeah, right.  You're loving this."

"Guilty."

I release another drop.

One, two-

"It happened again!" cries Celestia suddenly, staring up into the sky, her cry audible even to Twilight and I.

Most of the other guards enjoying different activities of their own look over toward their Princess in confusion at this sudden outburst.

One of the other ponies participating in the tennis match seems to have started laughing.

"You see, we're not the only ones that think that this is great," I point out to Twilight.

I decide to leave Celestia alone for a few minutes.

The payoff will be bigger that way.

"Hey, Twi.  Why isn't anypony down there holding their racquets with magic?  They're all using their mouths."

"Well, that would be pretty cheap if Princess Celestia used magic to hold it, wouldn't it?" Twilight answered.  "She would be able to return every single shot without having to move at all."

I mentally kick myself as I realize that this answer should have been obvious.

I continue waiting, and watching.

Twilight quickly figures out that I'm holding back.

"Are you stopping?" she asks in surprise.

"Nah, I'm just letting her put her guard down again," I explain.  "So, since we're waiting around, where are those goodies Pinkie Pie made for us?"

"They're in the pink bag over there," indicates Twilight.  "Don't gobble them all up please."

"You know that I never learned how to share..." I answer in a teasing tone as I rummage through the bag, inspecting my options.

Twilight gives me an unamused look.

"Oh, very well, I shall hold back, but only because it is you."

I pull out four donuts.

"Here, keep ahold of these for me, would you?" I say, separating one donut from the stack and taking a bite out of it as I take the other three in my other hand and stick them onto Twilight's horn.

To my surprise, the look that she gives me is one of utter horror.  She does a double take, looking up at her horn and back at myself twice.

"D-Discord!" she cries in equal parts embarrassment and anger.

"What did I do?" I exclaim in confusion.  "I know you look a little goofy right now, but it's not that bad, surely!"

"Don't you have any idea what this signifies?!" Twilight cries at me, pointing at her horn with a hoof.

"Uh, I have no clue.  Oh, don't tell me that it's some stupid taboo!"

Suddenly, Twilight's face lightens up, mostly.

"Oh, right, that particular tradition didn't exist when you last roamed Equestria for a significant period of time."

"What tradition?" I ask.

"Actually..." continues Twilight, "that brings up a very good question.  Why don't you speak in old Equish like Princess Luna, considering how you've been separated from Pony culture for even longer than she had been?"

"Because unlike her, I wasn't trapped in a vacuum.  I was able to keep up with the times by listening to the ponies that occasionally came into the royal gardens," I answer.  "And because Celestia would occasionally swing by and tell me things directly."

Twilight scrunched up her face in confusion.

"She would?"

"Not that often.  She must have been as bored as I was on the occasions she chose to do that.  But don't change the subject!  What's this tradition you are getting so worked up about?"

"Um, well, you see, it's traditional to place a special ring around a unicorn's horn to signify... marriage..."

I feel my stomach plummet out from under me, and I have to check to make sure that it didn't do so literally.

"Ugh!  GAG!"  Yeah, I'll just be taking these back..."

I quickly snatch my donuts back and then just sit there holding them awkwardly, my appetite suddenly gone.

"I'm sorry for blowing up at you," Twilight finally says.  "I thought you were teasing me about my non-existent love life.  Again.  But you didn't know."

" 'Again'?" I ask.

"The first time being that time you ran away from me after we released you, remember?"

"You do realize that I was simply trying to distract you so that I could get away," I countered.  "I honestly had no idea that your... 'love life'," I sputter, putting heavy sarcasm into the phrase, "is non-existent, as you say."

Twilight lets out a deep sigh.

"Yes, I understand that.  But it still made me just feel so- so... Urgh!  Look, I can... tolerate your ridiculousness most of the time, but any time anypony brings up anything to do with me getting into th-that kind of a... relationship, or anything remotely romantic, I just get really uncomfortable and... just distressed.  So please, if you're going to make fun of me, do it in any other way besides that."

I blink at her a few times.

"...Oookay then," I finally let out.  "You're really not very much like other mares your age, are you?"

"No, I'm not, I don't start swooning just because some stallion is handsome.  I won't."

"Alright, so, this is awkward.  Say, would you like to take a shot at Celestia?"

"Yeah, sure," says Twilight, a little quickly.  Then she seems to realize what she said.  "Er, I mean, um!  I guess so?"

I roll my eyes, but I pass my towel over to Twilight, who takes it into her magic.  She holds it out over Celestia's head...

Drip.

I look down and watch.  Moments later, Celestia lets out a cry of frustration and looks skyward again, her face dumbfounded at the apparent audacity of the sky.

Twilight lets out an unlady-like snort.

"Wow.  I can't believe we're getting away with this..."

"Do it again," I encourage.

This time, the drop manages to get Celestia to rear back in frustration.

"Augh!  Imprudent, rampant RAINDROPS!"

"Whoa!" I cry, suprised at how quickly Celestia is losing it.  "You know, I think Celly might be close to hitting her limit.  Maybe we shou-ach!"

I choke on my words as I watch Twilight suddenly and without ceremony absolutely squeeze the towel, forcing a torrent of water out all at once.

I only have a couple of seconds to watch the blob fall to the ground before splashing onto Celestia's coat.

"AUGGGGGH!" screams Celestia like a maniac, doing a one-eighty and looking behind her wildly, and then up at the sky once again.

I burst out laughing so hard that I can't help but stand up to relieve the pressure in my belly.

Suddenly my horns bump into something and I feel magic.  I stop laughing and look up in confusion.

I see balloon fabric above me.

I feel extremely stupid as I realize what just happened.  I almost accidently jabbed my horns into the Celestia balloon, and Twilight's safety spell stopped it from puncturing.  It probably would have happened with the sharper of the two.

I should thank Twilight for thinking ahead.

I look back at Celestia, and suddenly she takes off of the ground with a flap of her giant wings and shoots into the sky.

"Oh crud!" I shout.

Twilight clutches her front hooves around my midsection and looks back at her deranged mentor in terror.

Celestia stops a short ways below us, looking wildly into the clouds, her eyes frantically darting all around trying to find anything unusual.

Her horn lights up and our lone cloud gets enveloped in her magic before being rapidly hurled away to who-knows-where.

But she doesn't stop there.  She then takes off once again, quickly flying straight past us and up into the cloud layer.

Suddenly, I feel a burst of magic and I almost panic.  And then a shockwave hits us, pushing the machine through the air.  Twilight tightens her grip around me even more as she fights to keep from being thrown back.

"Confounding chaos!  Did she find us?" I cry.

Twilight just squeaks in response.

I'm able to answer my own question as I look and see that whatever Celestia did actually caused all of the clouds hanging over the sporting field to be pushed outward, leaving a strangely circular gap in the cloud cover.  She also even managed to blow Twilight and I a significant distance away from our starting position.

Celestia went straight back to the ground, but instead of returning to her tennis game, she moved to the track and started running around it at full gallop.

"I think I overdid it..." says Twilight weakly, finally letting go of me.

"Yeah, we definitely should lay low for the rest of the day," I agree.  "You, my dear, have got some serious guts.  What came over you to do something like that?"

"I... I don't know, I knew it was incredibly stupid, but I just wanted to see what would happen!"

I start laughing.

"Something happened alright!" I cry.  "And we got away with it!  Wow, that was a good one!"

"Let's not do anything like that again," huffed Twilight.  "I might have a heart attack."

"Agreed.  But it was still something that I shall remember forever."





Unfortunately, now that we're forced to leave Celly alone for the day, it is getting quite boring up here.  It's even worse because I don't even have the advantage of traveling to keep me occupied.

My mind turns to my sole companion.  Particularly wondering about that strange outburst earlier.

Hmmmmmm, I think to myself.  Should I or shouldn't I?  Should I or shouldn't I?  Should I or shouldn't I...

I finally make up my mind.  I've got to.  I have just got to know.  I have just got to know.

"So, Twilight..." I begin.

"Yes Discord?"

"Tell me...  Why in the wide, wide world of Equestria are you so repulsed by the idea of romance?"

Twilight's eyes go wide.

"Wha-  Discord!  Not this again!  I already told you enough!"

"Hey, if you really don't want me teasing you about it, you better come clean..."

"I- I don't want to!  It's... it's stupid...  Nopony else would have these kind of reservations..."

"Wow, I thought your Princess had managed to squeeze the introvert out of you by now."

"No, it's not because I'm introverted!" cries Twilight in frustration.  "It's because I've studied the science behind romantic relationships!  'You need chemistry,' ponies say!  Well, I know what chemistry does to ponies who are in starry-eyed romantic relationships, and it makes me question our own control over our brains!"

I look at Twilight like she's gone crazy.  This is not what I was expecting at all.  I never would have guessed such a thing in a million years.  "What are you talking about?" I ask in absolute confusion.

"I'm talking about all the different chemicals that ponies who are in love produce, it alters their personalities, it changes the way that they think!"

"They do...?" I ask, surprised.  I grab Twilight's research notebook and quill and pop it open to a new page.  Twilight doesn't seem to care.

"Yes!  There's so-called sensory enhancers that make your special somepony appear more pretty or handsome than they really are!  I despise that!  If I were to get into a relationship with somepony, I want to see them as they truly are!  There are chemicals that banish any sensory input that is unrelated to your special somepony!  I do not want to lose track of important things just because I'm too hypnotized by somepony to notice!  There are chemicals that make a pony just simply more attractive for no good logical reason at all other than that chemistry forces you to like that pony more!  If I were to fall in love with somepony, how would I know that it was real?  Would romantic relationships even exist at all if all of that chemistry were taken away?  I can't tell!  And if I did experience a relationship, I wouldn't be able to trust my own judgment!  So, the only reasonable thing to do that I can see is to just... not participate in such things!"

I stop my doodling inside the notebook.

"A question for the ages indeed!" I agree.  "Although I have never heard any pony put it quite the way that you have.  Still, what to do, indeed!  Have you ever told your other friends about this little insecurity?"

"Of course not!"

"Why not?"

"Because... because I'm..."  Twilight stammers.  "I'm afraid that they wouldn't understand..."

I raise my eyebrows at the mare.

"And you decided that I would?"

"Don't you?" she cries.  "I thought that maybe you of all- well, creatures, would understand what I mean when I say that I HATE not being in absolute control of myself."

"I suppose that's true," I say as I resume crafting my creation.  "Do you think badly of Rarity for her overly romantic mindset?"

"No!  That's not for me to judge!  If she is happy with such pursuits, then I'm happy for her!  I don't want do have these stupid reservations that I have but... I just wish that I could stop thinking about this stuff the way that I do, but I just can't!"

Twilight gives me a hesitant look, and appears to be on the brink of becoming tear eyed.

"Sooner or later, all of my friends are going to find somepony.  One by one, they'll have less time available to spend with my other friends and I, and then before I know it, I'll be the only one left.  All by myself..."

"And you'd be the most sensible mare of your whole bunch."

Twilight groans.

"Why am I talking about this with you..."

"Hey, I'll have you know that I have seen thousands of ponies go through this sort of thing.  I think I'm qualified to give you a little bit of advice."

Twilight stares back at me.  "You're qualified... because you've seen others go through stuff?"

"Oh, give me a break!" I cry, almost willing to be offended.  "You know that I'm the only Draconequus in this world, and every other intelligent creature in it despises me, do you really think I'm going to get a date in all of that?  But I do know that romance is just as much chaos as it is harmonious, and chaos will control you if you can't control it.  So, you should do what I do with chaos!  Don't try to control it so much as just steer it in the right direction, and don't let it control you, but allow it to guide you.  You won't believe how well that works."

Twilight lets out a sniffle.  "Maybe you're on to something..." she mutters.

"You're a smart pony, you'll figure it out," I answer her with a shrug.

Twilight doesn't say anything, and I find my gaze wandering to my latest little drawing.

Anybody who tries looking at this thing isn't going to see anything meaningful unless they know the trick to it.

And yet...

No!  Don't do it! screams another part of my mind.

But I can't resist...

This could backfire even worse than what happened with Celestia a few minutes ago!  Don't do it!

I'm going to doooooo it...

Gah!  What are you doing, you idiot!

"Hey, Twilight."

Don't answer don't answer don't answer-

"What is it?"

I'm not responsible for what happens at this point! cries my subconcious voice.

"Here.  I made you a present."

My mind has gone silent now, as I give Twilight the notebook.  Without removing my drawing from it first.

"A present?"  She accepts the notebook and gazes at the image in confusion.

Her confusion transforms into absolute befuddlement.

Look, says my inner voice, just ask for her to give it back before she figures it out.  You can take it out and everything will be fine.

"Discord..." says Twilight slowly.

"Yes?"

"What in the world is this garbled chicken scratch?"

She turns the notebook back at me, showing me the seemingly random mess of marks, lines, and dots.  As though I would forget what it looked like.

"It's something I made for you," I answer vaguely.

She eyes me critically for a few seconds.

"You're making fun of me again, aren't you?" she suddenly cries out in accusation.

"Actually, for once, I assure you that I am not," I answer.  "You just have to figure out how to make sense of it."

"Make sense of it?" she repeats.  "You really mean to tell me that there is something recognizable in this mess?"

"Yep.  Promise."

Twilight pulls the notebook back and stares closely at the image.

After a few seconds, she cries out, "I don't get it!"

"Figure it out.  I'm getting tired, so I'm going to get some sleep, so good luck with that!"

I cross my arms and slouch down in my seat with my eyes closed.

You know that she's going to figure it out eventually!  She's too smart and persistant to NOT figure it out!

Of course I know that.  That's why I did it.

"What?" cries Twilight in bewilderment.  "But... it's not even that late yet!  Give me a hint!"

I'm still wide awake, but I refrain from making any response.

The silence lasts for a few moments.

"Oh, come on, nobody falls asleep that fast!"

I don't answer.

After another brief period of silence, Twilight speaks again.

"Fine!  I'll figure it out without your help!"

Even though my eyes are completely closed, I can still hear Twilight's movements.

I can hear Celestia and her guards engaged in the various activities down below.  I can hear voices, but they are just far enough away that I can't actually understand anything.

Eventually, Twilight begins whispering to herself.  Something about comparing the positions of the various marks on the paper.  I think she is convinced that my drawing is some form of a code.

Only in the loosest sense of the word, I suppose.

Eventually, even the sounds of Celestia's group vanishes, leaving nothing left but the sounds of Twilight handling her notebook and fidgeting every once in a while.

Before very long, there is a noise next to me that sounds like Twilight rummaging through the luggage.  And then the sounds of more fidgeting.

And then Twilight's noises cease as well.

But I don't risk taking a peek just yet.

Finally, Twilight starts making a periodic light breathing noise, indicating that she has fallen asleep.

I crack an eyelid and finally take a peek at her.

She's wrapped up in a blanket, and indeed snoozing.

She never did figure out the picture.

Not on this night, anyway.  But she isn't through with it yet, I'm certain.

Suddenly, she starts fidgeting again, and making the nearly imperceptible moans of distress.

"Hey, are you okay?" I ask, now sitting up and moving about freely.

Twilight doesn't answer.

She is definitely asleep.

Having a nightmare, from the look of it.

What do I do?  Do I wake her up?

Somehow, even though it would free her from her distress, I can't help but feel that that wouldn't be the best idea.

"Hey," I say to her sleeping form in a sort of desperation to help.  "Whatever's wrong, you don't have anything to worry about.  Whatever it is, I'll get rid of it myself."

And a rather strange thing happens here.  I swear, Twilight immediately seemed to settle down, sigh in relief, and settle into her blanket.

What just happened?

Did I just banish a nightmare by giving the mare reassurances?  From the real world?

As I am pondering this, I am startled by a sudden sensation of magic.

Whoa, what's going on? I think to myself.  Twilight's asleep, so what in the world-

Suddenly, I identify the magic.

Dreamwalker magic.

It's centered on Twilight.

"Sorry Lulu, I already took care of this one," I announce aloud.

Naturally, I don't get a response.

Several minutes go by, but Luna's magic lingers.

"What are those two doing in there..." I whisper to myself.

This is making me nervous.  I trust Twilight to not give me away to Luna, but I'm still nervous all the same.

And its also driving me crazy that the other Equestrian Princess is technically here right beside me and I can't so much as even say hello.

...  Or can I?

"Hmm..." I whisper.  "I wonder how susceptible Twilight is to subliminal suggestion..."
> Cuddles
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I gaze down at the notebook on my desk in frustration.  The seemingly random and inane markings on the current page seem to be mocking me.  They hold the secret to something very important, I am sure, but they refuse to make their data known.

Think, Twilight! I scream at myself in my head.  There must be something to this that you're just missing!

I put my front hooves into my face and slouch into the desk.

Somehow, I manage to knock the notebook to the ground.

"Ugh!" I complain to myself, already frustrated.

I reach down to grab the notebook.

Unbelievably, the notebook chooses that moment to suffer from an extremely sudden case of spontaneous combustion.

"Ah!  My notes!" I scream.

I surround the notebook in the smallest magical shield I can manage and the flames quickly die out.

As soon as the fire is gone, I pick the notebook up in my magic so that I can see the extent of the damage.

While the fire could have caused far more damage than it did, the page it was flipped to is irreparably damaged.

I can feel myself about to burst into tears on the spot.

"No... why?" I ask nopony.  "How could such a thing have even happened?  There was no good reason for it at all!"

"You're awfully upset about losing something so stupid and meaningless," said a voice behind me.

I don't recognize this voice.  I gasp and whirl around to face this intruder.

The intruder turns out to be a brown unicorn with a black mane.

"Who are you?" I demand.  "What are you doing in my room?"

"So, you're the mare that started seeing things that nopony else can," he says, ignoring my question.

I can barely believe the sheer audacity of this stallion.

"I asked you a question!" I cry.  "Who are you?"

"I'm what's wrong with the world.  I'm the reason that things always go wrong," he answers simply, not intimidated in the least.

I don't say anything for a moment.  As I'm looking this crazy stallion over, my eyes find his cutie mark.

I'm almost positive that it is an explosion.

Well, that's not confidence inspiring...

"Did you just combust my notebook just now?" I demand, not even attempting to conceal my anger.

"Yes."

"Why?  Why, why, why?  Do you have any idea how important this was to me?"

"What else am I supposed to do?  And, besides, why should I care?  I'm just like that oddball friend of yours.  Nobody can see me."

I feel a wave of shock at this.

"How do you know about that?  Who are you?"

"I already told you.  Any time a good plan goes wrong, any time when a machine malfunctions, even any time somepony simply trips, I probably had something to do with it."

I feel my eyes go wide in recognition.

"Wait," I cry.  "Are you saying that you are-"

"AH AH," the stallion says, cutting me off.  "You know that if you say my name, you'll just make yourself even more of a target of myself."

"It is you!" I scream accusingly.  "Why do you do this to me?  Why do you do this to everypony!?  Why do you always have to ruin everything?!  We haven't done anything to you!"

"I have no other reason to exist," the stallion responds.  "Much like your draconequus friend, I have been cursed, and, also like him, the only thing that I am good for is irritating every last soul on this planet!"

"Discord isn't like that!  He isn't some devil that delights in torture!  He can be a childish prankster sometimes, but that doesn't fully define who he is!  Not like you!"

"He tried to turn Equestria upside-down twice," retorted the stallion.

"He isn't like that anymore!" I insist furiously.  "He didn't used to care about anyone other than himself because he thought that co-existing with ponies in peace was impossible, but he doesn't think that way anymore!  I've proved that we can get along!  But you...  You are nothing but a jerk!"

"You do realize that it is only a matter of time before Discord winds up just like me?" answered the stallion.  "Sooner or later, he's going to lose his mind, and you will be the only one who will even know it.  But you won't be able to stop it.  No single pony can stop that creep."

"This creep has creeped up on you when you weren't paying attention," says Discord's voice, causing the stallion to frown and look around, unable to find Discord.

My heart lifts, eagerly awaiting liberation from this terrible entity.

"Oh, now you've done it," I say.  I'll admit, I said it with some degree of glee.

"I can see you too, you know," continues Discord's voice.  "Here is some advice for the future: stay away from my buddy and things won't happen to you like this!"

There is a blinding flash of light and the angry stallion vanishes.

A moment later, I hear knocking on my door.

"C-come in!" I stutter.

The door flings open and Discord comes strolling in.

"Thank you so much for getting rid of him," I say.  "I don't know why he seems to specifically target scientists and engineers and magicians and other ponies of logic, but I'm getting sick of it!  Where did you send him, anyway?"

"Oh, some island somewhere," answers Discord.  "Somewhere near Manehattan, I think."  He shrugs.

"Discord, he destroyed my notebook!" I say.  "Look at this!"  I gesture at the remains of said notebook.

He looks at it for about two seconds and then looks at me and raises an eyebrow.  A couple seconds later, he holds his claw up and snaps his fingers, triggering a flash of magic.

And just like that, my notebook is back in perfect condition.

I start blushing in embarrassment.

"Oh.  Right.  I forgot you can do that.  Thank you.  You know, I can't use magic to repair objects quite like you can.  Too much original data is lost in the process of destruction."

"It's not a problem at all, my friend.  Speaking of friends, I was supposed to meet one shortly."

"What?" I ask, confused.  "A friend?  Who is that?"

"Oh, you know, Cuddles."

"Cuddles?"

"Yeah, Cuddles.  The sheep?"

"Umm...  Yes, of course.  Have fun!"

"Don't I always?"

Discord snapped and once again disappeared.

I gaze at the spot where he stood for about fifteen seconds, and then finally turn away with a sigh.

Back to attempting to understand this garbled picture...

But then, quite unexpectedly, there is another knock on my bedroom door.

"Discord?" I shout toward the door.  "Is that you again already?"

There are a few seconds of silence.

"Who is Discord?" says a new voice.

I gasp, and then leap to my hooves and hurry to the door and open it.

"Princess Luna!" I cry in astonishment.  "What are you doing here?  Not that I mind your visiting, of course, but you should have written me a letter so that I could prepare for your arrival!  I mean, look at this place!"  I gesture at my room.  The bed is unmade, my telescope is out of its case, and there are papers all over my desk.

"I did not have the opportunity to send you a letter, Twilight Sparkle.  This is a dream," says Princess Luna in a matter of fact tone.

It's as though all of the pieces of my brain are a puzzle and are suddenly coming to place.

I groan in embarrassment.

"Of course this is a dream!" I cry at myself, upset that I didn't realize this sooner.  "I'm back in the library!  And Discord was using magic!  It should have been so obvious!"

"There is no need to become upset, Twilight," says Luna.  "Your mind frequently desensitizes itself from evidence of experiencing a dream.  It is completely normal."

"It may be normal," I say, still unhappy, "but that doesn't mean that I like it."

"True.  I would estimate that you find nightmares to be even less pleasant.  I was prepared to offer you assistance, but it appears that the matter has been handled."

"You came into my dream to help me?" I ask, humbled that Princess Luna would go out of her way to help me.

"Yes, although it is clearly no longer necessary.  However, it is fortuitous that I find myself here, as I have been meaning to speak with you."

"You have?" I ask in confusion.  "What about?"

"Can an old mare not spend time with a good friend?  I could use some relaxation after the stress of filling in for my sister."

"Well- yes of course!  I don't know what I should talk about though, this is all so sudden!"

I look around my room, looking for something, anything that I could use to interest the Princess of the Night.

I look at my telescope.

Perfect!

"Could I perhaps interest you in my star gazing hobby?" I ask hopefully.

Princess Luna's eyes twinkle at me and she laughs in amusement.

"Yes, I would like that very much.  Unfortunately, your subconscious has not seen fit to shroud the world in a blanket of night at this moment in time."

I look out the window where my telescope is in embarrassment.  It is definitely day outside.

There I go, missing the obvious again!  I can't worry about that just yet, though.  I have to cover that little blunder up.

"That's okay, we can just point the telescope at the sun instead!"

"Oh!" says Luna in surprise.  "I... suppose that it should be safe to do so from inside a dream.  But will we truly see anything that isn't already visible to our own eyes?  One hardly needs a telescope to behold my sister's sun."

"Actually," I begin, "it wouldn't be safe to look at the sun in my dreams.  Most of the time, they tend to reflect reality as accurately as possible, and while I'm sure looking at the sun won't actually cause any actual damage, it would still hurt.  But, well, we can use a special filter to keep it from hurting our eyes.  Let me just..."

I trail off and run to my telescope case and dig out one of the less frequently used components.

"This is a hydrogen alpha narrowband filter," I inform her, holding up the red lens so that she can see.  "It will let us look at the sun without burning your eyes, but it will also let you view prominences and other solar phenomena that are impossible to see without the correct filter."

"I did not know that that was possible," admitted Princess Luna, sounding impressed, surprised, and confused all at once.

This makes me feel a little bad.  Far be it from me to try to show off to the Princess of the Night!  Unfortunately, this technology was developed during her absence, so she clearly just did not know about it.

I don't say anything.  I don't want to embarrass myself further in front of the Princess.  Instead, I focus on installing the filter.

Suddenly, everything goes dark and I look up.

"How unfortunate," remarked Princess Luna in disappointment.  "I was looking forward to your demonstration, but it appears that the dream has other ideas."

"I'm sorry!" I squeak out.  "I didn't mean for it to turn to night time.  It just sort of happened!  Can you change it back?"

"I could..." says the Princess halfheartedly.  "But, I must confess that something else has piqued my interest."  She is gazing out the window, but at the ground instead of toward the sky.

"What are you looking at?" I ask, moving to see.

The sight outside is not at all what I was expecting.  The library is no longer situated in Ponyville.  Instead, it is now in the middle of a forest, although there is a clearing directly in front of it.

"Where are we?" I ask in confusion.

Princess Luna turns to me with surprise apparent on her face.  "Do you not know?  This is your dream."

"I don't know where we are."

"It is of no consequence," answers the Princess.  "Most likely, we are nowhere at all, except for a place fabricated by your own imagination.  Do you recognize those two ponies?"

"Ponies?" I repeat, looking back again, intrigued.

"Would you care to explore the dream?" asks Princess Luna.

"Why, certainly!"

"I will take us to meet them," says the Princess.  "Do not be alarmed."

Her horn lights up with magic, and then the world around us seems to shift around us.  I do my best to not be alarmed, just as instructed, but it was slightly shocking to phase through the wall of the library and to the darkened outdoors.

The Princess gently sets us down near the two ponies.

"Now, do you-" Princess Luna begins, turning around to face me, but then cutting herself off when she looks toward me.

"What?" I ask, worried.  "Is something wrong?"

"Twilight," she says.  "What is this... image?"

"Image?" I ask in confusion, turning around.

My notebook is sitting in an easel of unknown origin beside me.  For some reason, it is enlarged.  In order to fit the easel, I suppose.  It's open to the page with Discord's confounding drawing.

I inwardly groan.  How am I supposed to explain this to Princess Luna?

"It's a present from a friend," I answer uncertainly.

"Is it especially important to you?" asks the Princess without hesitation.

I feel myself clench up in surprise, and I am certain the she caught on.

"How did you know that?" I ask in wonder.

"I saw it in your bedroom, but I did not transport it.  Your dream caused it to be brought it with us.  It looks like... a mess of... abstract."

"I know," I say in agreement.  "But I am certain that there is some sort of a secret message, or a symbol, somehow buried inside."

Princess Luna took a few moments to examine the picture, and then back to me with a skeptic look on her face.

"Unless this represents senseless disorder, I must confess I don't see anything.  Come."  She begins to walk toward the two ponies.

Disorder.

I automatically follow Princess Luna, but my eyes unfocus as I think this over.

Could that be the 'secret message'?  Is this simply supposed to represent disorder, or chaos?  I wouldn't put it past Discord.

No, hold on.  He did promise me that there was something meaningful in the image.  Even if it does represent chaos, it couldn't possibly represent SENSELESS chaos.

Unless he was just messing with me...

...

No, I don't think he was messing with me.  He wasn't acting right for that.

I'm pretty sure he was nervous about something.

"Oh my..."

I look up at Luna's strange statement.  The two ponies are close enough now that I can make their basic features.  They are sitting in the grassy clearing and looking into the night sky.  Both are mares.  One has a white coat and a pink mane, the other has a very dark blue coat and a relatively lighter blue mane.

I easily make the connection between that mare and the Princess at my side.

"Princess, is that... you and...?"

"I dare say it is," agreed Princess Luna to my partially unspoken words.  "Particularly so, since it is your first conclusion."

I look back at the pair in wonder.

"Look at all of the stars, sister!" said the darker of the two.  "There must be hundreds of them!"

I really could not help what happened next.  I really couldn't.

I burst out laughing, right in front of Princess Luna!

I managed to turn the laugher into a cry of "Awwwww!  Princess, that is adorable!"

Princess Luna is positively blushing.

"It is not 'adorable'!" she complained halfheartedly.  "I was an ignorant, naïve young filly!"

"I always thought it was one of your sister's better stories," said Discord.

Luna and I both whirl around to face the sneaky draconequus.

"Hello, Twilight!" he said, waving.

"Discord!" I cry.  "I thought you...  Weren't you going to spend time with your 'Cuddles' friend?"

"Yes, but I can't remember when I left him.  I'll keep looking.  Say hello to Lulu for me!"

He waves at Princess Luna too.

" 'Lulu'?" asks Princess Luna.

Discord snapped and disappeared.

The dream-version of Celestia and Luna seem to fade away too.

"Who was that?" asked Lulu- Princess Luna, her voice conveying her bewilderment.

I give her a confused look.

"Umm...  That was Discord, remember?"

Suddenly, I freeze as I realize something.

"Wait, you could see him?" I cry out in astonishment.

"I see a dream as it truly is," answered Princess Luna uncertainly.

"But... but...  Even Princess Celestia couldn't see Discord!  She couldn't even hear properly when I said his name!"

I gasp when I suddenly remember that Princess Luna herself had asked the question 'Who is Discord?' when she first walked into my dream.

Princess Luna nods in understanding.

"I see.  I believe I understand.  My sister showed me a very peculiar letter from you a few days ago, and before she left on her trip, she explained as best as she could.  It was extraordinary tale, and a highly concerning one.  Indeed, I must confess that I had an ulterior motive for visiting you on this night, besides relaxation.  I wished to speak about the matter with you directly."

"Oh!" I say.  Of course Princess Luna would be concerned about this, especially if Princess Celestia is concerned too!

"Alas, it appears that there will be no relaxation for me on this night," said Princess Luna, half amused.  "So, if I may ask, this Discord character...  He is who you wrote of in your letter?"

"How are you not remembering who Discord is?" I ask in amazement.  "For some reason, you can suddenly see him and hear him, but you don't remember anything about him for yourself?"

"I do not," answers the Princess, frowning.  "But do remember that this is a dream."

"...  Actually, that might explain it," I say uncertainly.  "I mean, you are not perceiving the real Discord, you are perceiving my perception of Discord.  Only, that still doesn't explain why it was that I couldn't describe Discord in any way to anypony in the real world!  Do you think...  Hmm...  Um, do you think that it might have something to do with the fact that you are... sort of... sharing my mind, and since my mind is able to make sense of him, you can too?"

"It is possible," mused Princess Luna.  "We may not be able to find the answer to that question at this time.  Why should I recognize this 'Discord'?  I do believe I would remember meeting somebody like him..."

"I know what you mean," I answer knowingly.  "Discord is... an immortal creature that you have known for millennia.  He used to torment ponies with his chaos before your sister and yourself used the elements of harmony on him and turned him into stone.  Does that sound familiar at all?"

"Yes, yes!" cried Princess Luna immediately, but I can tell that she is unhappy.  "We used the elements of harmony to- to- to save Equestria from...  From...  AUGH!  It is at the tips of my memory, but I cannot recall the details!  Twilight!  I must assume that you speak the truth and that 'Discord' is what is missing from my memory.  I would never forget such details naturally, and I am of course aware that the problem appears to be universal.  Yet, through a stroke of luck, I have acquired some understanding of the matter.  Is 'Discord' under control?"

"Under control?" I ask, surprised.  "Well, he isn't imprisoned against his will...  I befriended him."

"You befriended a creature who torments ponies?"

"He doesn't do that any more!" I exclaim.  I have a feeling that I'll be saying these words a great many times to a great many ponies, soon enough.  "He didn't believe that ponies like us could even be friendly with someone like him, but now that he has given friendship a chance, I know that he has changed his outlook.  Also, Princess Celestia asked me to."

"You speak truly?"

"I do.  Originally, she intended for Fluttershy to take the lead in reforming him, but...  Well, then, there were complications and Discord somehow managed to damage his fundamental identity, and then everypony stopped being able to see him, so I had no choice but to attempt it all on my own!  I'm sure that Fluttershy could have done the job better than I, but I have been making quite a bit of progress.  I wouldn't say that Discord is fully reformed yet, but that will probably take weeks.  Probably longer.  I just wish Princess Celestia had been able to return him his powers before everypony stopped being able to see him.  He really hates not having his powers, and I had decided that they should be returned to him.  And furthermore, I think we can undo the change that caused him to be unseeable to everypony, if only we just had his powers!"

"I remember this!" says Princess Luna suddenly.  "I remember that my sister told me that she was keeping a very powerful magic hidden away until the time was right to return it...  To Discord, surely!  My attempts to remember are torture upon my mind, and therefore who else would it involve?"

"You know where Discord's power is being contained?" I ask hopefully.

"I...  I do not, but I am quite sure that information is locked away in some inaccessible part of my mind.  But I have full power in place of my sister, for the time being.  If this is what you require to set things right, then for both his sake and mine, I will do what you tried to ask of my sister and find Discord's power.  It is possible that I will forget all about Discord and the specifics of why this must be done, but I assure you, I will not lose sight of the fact that it must be done all the same.  This, I promise you, Twilight Sparkle, and to your friend Discord as well."

I gaze back at Luna in awe.

"Do you mean it, Princess Luna?" I ask, hardly daring to believe my luck.

"I do.  I am deeply grateful for an opportunity to help you in any way that I can."

"Thank you, most sincerely, Princess."

"Do not thank me yet; I have yet to fulfill my promise."

"Well, thank you for trusting me then."

"You are most welcome."

Before either of us have any time to say anything further, the sun suddenly came up, as abruptly as it did during the time Discord turned Ponyville into the chaos capital of the world.

"Hello Twilight!" cried Discord's happy voice once again.  "Hello Lulu!"

Somehow, we're back in Ponyville again, and it is once again day.  However, we are still outside of the library, standing instead in the street.

Discord walks straight up to us.

"Say hello to Lulu for me Twi," he says to me.

"Umm...  Princess Luna can hear you say it for yourself."

"Hello Discord..." says Princess Luna uneasily.

"You can see me?" says Discord in surprise.  "That's fantastic!"

Princess Luna hunches down to level her head with mine.

"Why is he calling me by that name?" she whispers.

"I... don't know," I answer.  I could tell her that he's probably teasing her in a good natured way, but I don't want to risk the chance that she would misunderstand and take offense.

"Hey, Cuddles!  There's somepony here I would like you to meet!" shouts Discord.  He reaches behind him and seems to produce a strange looking sheep from thin air.

"Cuddles, you've already met Twilight Sparkle.  And this... is Princess Lulu!"

"... It's a pleasure," says Princess Luna, managing to not sound awkward.

Fortunately, the Princess doesn't seem too startled by the sudden turn of events.  I suppose that anypony who spends as much time in the dreams of other ponies as she does must get used to randomness.

That doesn't seem to be stopping her from staring at the sheep in confusion however.

I don't blame her.  I can't stop staring either.  There is something about the sheep's wool that is just seems odd.  Besides the fact that it is a little darker than usual.  It looks... shiny.

"So, what are you two up to?" I ask awkwardly.

"Oh, I'm taking Cuddles here over to the spa," says Discord.

"The spa?  Are... you going to get a treatment?"

"Ugh, no.  As if either of us would do such a thing."

"It wouldn't be that baaaad," says the sheep.

"It will be for the masseuse if you stick around.  But, if you really want to, I won't stop you," Discord says to the sheep.  Then he turns back and starts speaking to me again.  "But, to answer the next question that I'm sure you are just dying to ask, they just need our help cleaning something."

"Cleaning something?" I repeat.  That doesn't sound like Discord at all...

"Oh no, we're not going to be doing any of the cleaning.  It's just that somehow one of their drains have gotten all clogged with this nasty scum.  Some ponies, am I right?  And they just need a clipping of steel wool to get the job done."

Discord produces a pair of shears from thin air and snips them together a couple of times.

"Take care, you two!" he says as he begins to walk away.

Cuddles gives Princess Luna and I polite nod and follows after him.

We watched the pair walk away until they turned a corner and went out of side.

"That was not normal..." muttered Luna.

"It was for Discord..." I answer back.

"No, I mean it is not normal for elements of your dream to recognize and interact with me.  My very presence should be disconnected with the rest of the dream because your subconscious does not hold any power over me, and therefore cannot plan for my presence."

I frown.

"That is odd..."

"Does Discord really behave this way in the real world?" asks the Princess.

"Yes."

"I see.  I am no longer as surprised that someone like him would give you something like that," she says, indicating the oversized notebook.

"There must be something important buried in the image somehow," I insist, as much to myself as to Luna.  "Discord wasn't acting like himself when he gave it to me.  Which means that it's something serious."

"Hmmmmm..." muses the Princess, walking toward the notebook and inspecting the picture more closely.  I follow behind her.

"Have you noticed how certain clusters seem to repeat across the page horizontally?" she asks.

"That was one of the first things I noticed about it.  But they don't repeat exactly, the copies are flawed."

"Indeed.  Perhaps if you assigned a numerical value to the changes between segments and decode the numbers, you would have your answer?"

"I've tried that," I answer.  "But it hasn't gotten me anywhere.  I don't think that's the sort of solution I should be looking for either.  It just doesn't seem like something Discord would do.  My best theory is that it is an optical illusion of some sort, but I can't get anything to happen no matter how long I stare at it."

"Maybe it has more to do with how you stare at it?" suggests Princess Luna.

"It's possible.  But what about the repeating patterns?  They must figure into the equation somehow."

"Maybe they are a false lead."

"I suppose that's also possible...  Unless..."

Suddenly, I remember something I once encountered in school.

I crossing my eyes at the picture, repositioning one of the repeating patterns in my vision until I have two copies of the pattern occupy the same spot in my vision.

"GASP!"

I barely take note of the world around me dissolving into whiteness as my brain reallocates thinking power away from maintaining the dream and to a far more important task.

There's something IN there! I think to myself frantically.  Something unbelievable.  Something outrageous.  Something incredible.  Something the likes of which I have never seen before in my life!

I think I've fallen over.

"Twilight!" Luna cries in shock, her voice sounding to me like an echo.  "Twilight, you're literally melting!  Are you okay!?"

What does this mean?  Did this really just happen?  Is this Discord's idea of a funny joke?

But how could it be?  Discord was my friend.  He respects me too much to tease me like this.

Does he?  Doesn't he?

How can I know for sure?

Let me start over and look at this logically:  Discord has changed in a big way since this whole ordeal began.  I know that he is genuine because it reflects in subtle changes in his behavior.

And I know that his behavior is genuine because he can't afford to NOT be genuine.  He may tease me in small ways, but he can't risk lying to me about our whole friendship because he needs me to get his powers back.  It's harsh, but true.

So could Discord POSSIBLY be genuine NOW?

"Twilight!  Speak to me!  What is happening?"

I really should answer Princess Luna...  She's really worried...

"I figured it out..." I manage to moan out of my partially liquefied body.

"You figured out the secret in the madness that is this picture?" asks Princess Luna bewilderedly.

"Yes.  It resembles a special technique of depicting images in three dimensions.  You take a picture of a subject from two slightly different angles and then, after you have the prints of both, you set them next to one another and cross your eyes to merge the two images.  They're called stereograms."

It was strange, but explaining that to the Princess helped bring me some degree of stability.

"This image is different though," I continue.  "It's all by itself, and instead of crossing two different images, you have to cross the patterns.  And the result is like nothing I have ever seen... ever."

"I'm supposed to cross my eyes?" asks Luna.

"Yes."

"...  By the moon..."

"You see it?" I ask.

"Beyond doubt!" utters Luna in equal parts amazement and confusion.  "Flawless in form, and seemingly engraved four centimeters deep into a flat paper less than a millimeter thick!  'Tis the form of a heart!"

That's exactly what it was.  Not an organ-heart (thank goodness), but the sort that one sees all over the place on hearts and hooves day.  It had no color of its own, but was textured as the very same mess of lines and dots that had so baffled me so recently.

Discord began acting super evasive the very moment he gave me that notebook.  He was EMBARRASSED, wasn't he?

Discord... really FEELS that way about me!  After everything he's put me through!  After I had already long since determined that this would never happen!

But how should I react to this?  I'm a puddle of emotions right now!  How can I make a decision like this?

Should I throw myself into the deep end and see where this takes me?  Should I politely decline?  Should I rudely decline?

No.  I'm shooting that idea down right now!

Should I act like nothing happened?

No.  I can't.  I would explode.

What do I do?

Should I accept and use my position to make Discord act the way that I want?

NOOO!!!  I try to shake my head violently, only to remember I'm still a puddle.

But if I do accept, how can I keep from influencing his behavior?  And would he become a bad influence on me?

No, too late, we're already influencing one another.  All I can do is try my best to give and take good influence.

Should I avoid the problem altogether and avoid Discord?

I could never bring myself to do that.  Even if he offends me, a person is still a person, and he has need of my help.  I can't abandon him.

Discord isn't even what I would call HANDSOME!

Wait...  That's a good thing!  It means that I could learn to love who his is without getting infatuated with how he looks!

IF I DECIDE TO DO THIS...

And he already told me to my face that I'm not his idea of 'beautiful'...

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THAT IS A GOOD THING!

Why does he like me in THAT way anyway?  He thinks that I'm...

He thinks that I'm smart.  He thinks that I'm interesting.  And he enjoys my wit.

But...  Do I really like Discord?  I mean, he's ridiculous, but he is kind of funny, once you get used to him.

He is kind of irritating... but I think he secretly hides a more concerned side.

In fact, I KNOW he does.  He's already shown that side of himself for me several times!

Just how long has he felt this way, anyway?

I don't know.  Can't figure that out, not here, not right now.

But I do think that he understands me... kind of...

And I do think he understands me... kind of...

I think...

I think that I'm systematically determining something that I already know...

I already kind of liked the big goof!

And there is absolutely no denying one more thing.

I manage to arise from puddle form back into pony form without even really thinking about it.  I cross my eyes and stare into the picture one more time.  I just want to see it again.

And there it is.  This picture is breathtaking.  Amazing.  A marvel of geometry and trigonometry and vision, all three.

I have a vague idea how it actually works, but... well, I don't think anything quite like this has ever been created before.  The process of making the thing is another matter altogether.

And Discord made this in about three minutes just on a whim!  I didn't have any clue that Discord had this kind of genius in him!

And he made it for... me...

He knew that I would adore this...

I can't take this any more.

My heart is telling me to return his feelings.  My mind is telling me to return his feelings.  And to top it all off, he's done something that no other pony trying to flirt with me (few as they were) has ever attempted.  He gave me a present.

That's an understatement.  This is the most jaw-dropping present I could never conceive of.

"Princess," I finally whisper.

"Twilight?" she says.

"I...  I need to speak with him!"

What little that remains of the dream immediately starts to collapse around me, and Princess Luna takes notice.

Before I'm fully awake, I hear her voice one last time.

"I- I shall attempt to contact you again tomorrow!"








The moment I'm conscious, I throw my eyelids back and snap wide awake.

It's very dark out right now, probably well past midnight.  But I still manage to catch a glimpse of movement.

He's awake!

"Whoa now!" he cries in amusement.  "I get that you're eager to see what Celly is up to today, but she hasn't even raised the sun yet."

"Discord...  You...  you big goof!"

He hesitates, and then sputters out a confused, "What?"

"I figured it out.  I figured your drawing out.  While I was asleep.  I never would have believed that something so chaotic and messy looking could hide something so astounding, but, then again, it's you!"

It's so dark that I can't see Discord's expression at all, and he doesn't make a sound.  He doesn't even move.

He's too paralyzed with embarrassment and shock.  I'm sure of it.

And so I throw my front hooves around middle, throwing my blanket off of myself for the most part (but I don't care about that), and then I nuzzle him.

"This... this is a good thing, right?" he asks uncertainly.

"Yes, you ridiculous draconequus, you...  Yes, it is."

A  few moments later, I feel his paw settle on my side, and I unashamedly let out a sigh of joy.
> The Secret of Joker's Island
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first thing to happen to me on this new day is the feeling of Twilight stirring against my torso.  She has been clinging to it for most of the night.

After she informed me that she had discovered my very impulsive but still genuine 'confession' (which I am extremely relieved has not backfired), I basically sat there just staring at her (or, rather, in her direction) like an idiot, trying to think of something clever to say, and yet, unbelievably, unable to think of anything clever or shrewd.

The lack of any vision thanks to the darkness was robbing me of any inspiring words I might have given her.  Instead, I could only focus on the one thing left that I was still able to barely make out.  I can remember what I said to her, even as she clung to me.





"Jeepers, creepers!  Where'd you get those peepers?"

Twilight stays silent for about three seconds.

"I... Wait, is this what you're supposed to say at this point?"

"Wait a minute, forget that I said that, they're... you know.  They're good eyes."

Twilight just stares at me with those eyes.

"Because your pupils are well formed, the perfect shape for... seeing things without them getting all warped.  And your corneas are undamaged, so that's good too.  And your irises are purple."

Twilight blinks at me twice, slowly.

"That's good, I suppose?"

"Everything about your eyes is great, really.  I think I may be rather poor at this."

"You might be," Twilight says, closing her eyes and leaning into me again.  "Just stay like that and stop talking before you expound the virtues of my vitreous humor."

...

"Wait, your 'transparent' humor?  Because that's what 'vitreous' means.  Come on, you know that you can be subtle when you want to be.  Your jokes are definitely not see through."

"You were just talking about my eyes.  Vitreous humor is the scientific name of the fluid in your eyes."

"Oh.  Huh.  Now that wasn't vitreous humor."

"Yes it was," she protests.  "I just said it was."

I decided not to dignify that with an answer.





Despite how worked up Twilight was after waking up, she managed to get back to sleep relatively soon after that, and that finally led to where we are now.

She squirms a little bit and then cracks one of her eyes open.

And immediately flies wide awake, but she doesn't move.  A moment later she takes a breath.

"Oh, wow..." she mutters groggily.  "I'm not used to waking up like that."

"Nopony is, considering it's me.  But I guess I could get used to it."

Twilight gives me a flustered look.

"But at the same time, there is only so much of that that I can take at once.  Celestia's crew is on the move.  They left a little while ago."

Twilight gives me a surprised look and looks down toward the ground to confirm that the Princess's carriages are in fact gone.

"You could have woken me up when they were leaving, Discord, I really wouldn't have minded."

"They've only been gone for a few minutes."

"Well, I guess we had better catch them, huh?"

"Not without breakfast, we're not," I respond, tossing Twilight an apple.

Twilight stares at the apple for a few seconds.

"Um, right.  Of course!"

I grab another apple for myself.

Twilight wastes no time in getting a bite out of her own.  After chewing and swallowing, however, she begins talking.

"So, um.  I have to ask.  Now that we have both had some sleep and some time to get our thoughts straight...  I am kind of having a little crisis in my head.  It took some time for the circumstances to sink into my brain, but I sort of realized that I'm suddenly together with you.  As in, together together.  The only known being in the world with access to chaos magic.  And you're also the one being in the world who has existed even longer than even the princesses.  Er, not that that's a bad thing!"

I raise my eyebrows at Twilight in amusement.

"I'm biologically immortal, you know.  Kind of like a lobster.  There is essentially no difference between my age now and my age now and my age a thousand years ago.  Why should I be offended?"

"Oh, uh, good," says Twilight in relief.  "But, you should understand what I mean when I say that this is going to be a little odd for me.  Are you sure that this is going to... well, work?  You and me?"

"Of course it is!" I cry.  "We're a perfect match!  I mean, depending on how you pronounce it, we even have the same name!"

Twilight swallows another bite of her apple and lowers the apple away from her mouth and gives me a look.

"Okay, now this I have got to hear.  How in the world does one pronounce 'Twilight' and 'Discord' the same?"

"It's like this," I begin, grinning.  "The first letter of my name is a 'D'.  In the alternative pronunciation of my name, it is 'D' as in 'edge'."

"Well, yes, okay."

"And then you have 'I' as in 'business'."

Twilight waits for a few second, and then realization hits her face.

"Oh, good grief, here we go..."

She facehooves.

I take this as a sign to keep going.

"And then 'S' as in 'island'.  And then 'C' as in 'acquire'.  'O' as in leopard.  'R' as in the first 'R' in 'February'.  And lastly, 'D' as in Wednesday.  And so, this is what it sounds like when you put it all together."

I fold my arms in front of me and keep my mouth shut.

"Alright.  You've got me interested in this now.  So what about 'Twilight'?" says Twilight.

"Easy.  'T' as in 'ballet', 'W' as in 'two', 'I' as in 'deceive', 'L' as in 'would', 'I' as in 'friend', 'G' as in 'sign', 'H' as in 'hour', 'T' as in listen."

"And what-"

" 'S' as in 'debris'," I continue.  "P" as in pneumonia, "A" as in 'bread', 'R' as in the first 'R' in 'sarsaparilla', 'K' as in 'know', 'L' as in 'yolk', and 'E' as in "like"."

"Alright then.  Sure.  Apparently, you can pronounce my entire name as nothing whatsoever."

And then Twilight started laughing.

"I guess you were right.  I mean, such a big coincidence as this, surely it must be a divine sign or something, right?"

"It's too convenient for there to be any other explanation," I answer slyly.  "Also, I'm glad there were only two "R"s between us both, because I ran out of words."

Twilight contemplates this for a moment.

"I might be able to find another one if I had some time with the right book, but you're right, I can't think of one."

Twilight one last bite out of her apple, which she has finished eating, or at least all of the edible parts that ponies normally eat.  I myself have since swallowed my own apple whole.

"So, I wonder where Celestia and her guard are going to stop today," says Twilight.  "The area up ahead is largely unpopulated by pony kind.  Which is part of the reason that most travelers use the train.  I must admit, I'm quite curious."

"Really?" I state.  "How interesting.  Perhaps she'll just have a scenic tour for today."

"Although," Twilight continues, "We are close enough to Manehatten that the Princess could reach it by tomorrow, or even today if they make good time.  Manehatten is a very big place, so I suppose it makes sense that she would spend multiple days there.  I do have to wonder how she will remain inconspicuous."

"We'll have to figure that out when the time comes.  For now..."

I turn on the propulsion mechanism and point us in the appropriate direction.

"So how do you think Celly will react when she learns that you've started dating me when you were supposed to just reform me?"

Twilight stammers, and then clears her throat to speak.

"I don't see why Princess Celestia would have a problem with it," Twilight says defensively.  "I'm not doing anything wrong!  Although, these are unusual circumstances.  I hope that she will understand everything before reacting.  What if she doesn't?  Oh dear, oh no, uh oh uh oh, I did not consider that, what if she-

"If I were a pony," I say loudly, interrupting Twilight, "I would use this time to assure you that you don't have anything to worry about.  I'm not a pony though, I am me, and you're right, Celestia might overreact just a smidge.  But here is the thing: if she does, you'll have to resist her."

"We should oppose the princess?" Twilight cries in shock.

"If you want to prove that Princess Celestia doesn't rule through tyranny, then absolutely.  You claim that Princess Celestia would rather you do the 'right' thing rather than what she wants, if what she wants is wrong, is that right?  Am I understanding the concept clearly?"

"Well, yes... but the Princess honestly is rarely wrong."

"Then that should mean that the odds of her having a problem with this is low.  Yet, if she does overreact, IF, then you are on my side, yes?"

"I-  Yes.  Without a doubt."

"Excellent!" I exclaim.  "Knowing how much you value your Princess's opinions, I was a little concerned on that one."

"I'm not that shallow..."

"So tell me then," I say.  "Why is it that you are so repulsed by emotions and chemistry when you are also such a strong advocate of friendship?"

"Friendships are very different from love!" insists Twilight.  "While emotions and chemistry are a part of friendships, the effect that they have is significantly less, and there is a much larger place for logic in a friendship than in a romantic relationship!"

"Oh really?" I say with a grin.  "Then perhaps I'll enjoy this new arrangement more than I thought..."

Twilight looks like she is about to rebuke me, but then she hesitates.

"You really might, actually," she admits.  "What we have here?  This is crazy."

"It's a simple truth: Love and madness are synonymous!"

"Exactly!"

"So friendship doesn't bother you for the same reasons that romance does?" I ask, seeking clarification.

"Emotions in friendships don't usually bother me.  Whenever I feel something emotionally in a friendship, logic almost always dictates that the way that I am feeling is the way that I should be feeling, positive or negative.  Not that I like fighting with my friends, but if their arguments are flawed, a disagreement is only logical.  If I had my way, I would have all disagreeing parties sit down and debate the issue in a civil manner until an agreement is reached.  But most ponies don't have the patience for that, or the ability to remain civil in a debate, so that is usually not an option.  Usually, the only solution is to agree to disagree, and that solution does bother me.  I don't like it.

"But even that solution is logical.  Agreeing to disagree is clearly the best solution when the argument is not significant enough to be worth the risk of damaging the friendship by bickering.  In that instance, the logical solution overrides my personal desire for perfection."

"I like bickering," I announce impishly.

"I would prefer the term 'debating'," says Twilight.  "Now, on the other hoof, I'm feeling this urge to just sit as close to you as I can."

"Is that a bad thing?" I ask in confusion.  "You aren't still scared of me, are you?"

"No, I'm not scared of you.  But ever since this change in our relationship, I feel... different when I'm in close proximity to you.  I feel more relaxed and I forget about my problems."

"That sounds like a good thing to me," I say, confused.

"Well, in some ways, yes.  But it's not always a good thing to completely forget about your problems, or else those problems will just get worse without your supervision.  And I also feel a sense of physical protection, which doesn't actually make that much sense because I am more capable of keeping myself out of trouble than you are.  Being with you is honestly asking for trouble."

"I'll let you have that one," I agree.  "You should definitely expect trouble if you hang around me.  I'm sure you've already figured that one out."

"In the end though, I decided that I would take your advice.  I'm not letting my emotions control me, but I am not shutting them out either.  I chose to have these feelings, and I think I am liking where this is going, so I would like to see where all of this leads.  Are those that Celestia's carriages?"

I'm quite startled by this abrupt change in subject.  I look toward where Twilight is indicating.

She is right.  There is a group of carriages in the distance, but they are not following the road toward Manehatten.  Instead, they are traveling along a path that forks away from the main road and toward an unknown destination.

"Where is she going?" I ask aloud.

"I have some maps here," says Twilight, grabbing a book bag.  I wait for a moment while Twilight browses through the bag and pulls out a book and flips through its pages.

"Here we go," she says, stopping on a page.  "According to this...  Oh, wow, that's interesting!  Apparently, that's the road to the Joker's Island national site."

"The what?"

"Oh, I suppose you don't know what that is, do you?" says Twilight.  "Well, you see, there are a number of locations in Equestria that are special places of importance for one reason or other.  Some are historic sites where famous events occurred, for instance.  However, there are a small number of places in the country where one can see some highly unusual geographical formations that are quite puzzling because nopony has any idea how those formations could have been formed.  That's the kind of site that Joker's Island is.  I don't know where the name 'Joker' came from, but there are multiple sites in Equestria that are named 'Joker's something'."

"What makes an island so unusual?" I ask in confusion.

"Joker's Island is one of the most beautiful locations in the world, but one can't help but puzzle about how a sheer-cliff butte formed in the middle of a lake.  And not only that, but it is connected to the mainland by a large stone archway, which is a formation called Joker's bridge.  It has existed for at least as long as pony kind has been in Equestria, and the means by which it was formed is one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of the land."

I feel a sense of recognition.

"Hang on, this island, does it have a sort of ramp thing running along one side that leads up to a especially high spot?"

"Yes, you clearly must have seen it.  Oooh!" she exclaims in sudden excitement.  "You were here before ponies were.  Do you know what happened to form the island?"

"Um, yeah.  I did that."

Twilight's face blanks in an instant.

"What..."

"I built that island.  Mystery solved.  That was easy, wasn't it?"  I let out a laugh.

Twilight finally answers after about ten seconds of silence.

"Well... okay then," she says.  "That was the most abrupt and somewhat disappointing discovery about an ancient mystery that I have ever had."

"I can't believe that Princess Celestia turned one of my old playgrounds into a national monument!" I say in amusement.  "Hey, it's called Joker's island.  Do you think that she knew that it was mine?"

Twilight grows wide eyed.  "If that's the origin of the name, then there are lots more of these sites."

She flips through her book again before suddenly stopping.

"This here is Joker's Tower."

I look at the page and examine the surrounding area.  It is indeed familiar.

"Yeah, I built that."

Twilight looks at me dumbfoundedly.

"I can't believe this..." she whispers to herself.

"Show me more of them!" I request eagerly.  "This is a fun little trip down memory lane!"

"Um, okay..." she says, flipping through more pages.  "This one here is Joker's Canyon.  It was definitely created by a river, but there are some precariously balanced towers of rocks in it-"

"That was me."

More flipping through pages.

"Joker's Desk?"

"Yep."

More flipping.

"Joker's fork?"

"Aye."

Flip flip flip.

"Joker's Gate?"

"Yes indeed."

Even more flips.

"Joker's Hole?"

"Wait, that's a national site?  I was just playing buried treasure with some random pony."

Flip.

"Joker's Peak?"

"Yeah, that mountain used to be a little shorter."

Flip flip.

"Joker's Slide?"

"Please tell me that it's still the biggest slide in Equestria!"

"Um, yes..."

"Wow, this is just amazing!" I declare in amusement.  "It's obvious that the fact that every single one of these places having the same name is beyond coincidence.  Celly surely had a hoof in it, methinks.  She has quite the little private running joke, doesn't she?  Do you think she means 'Joker' in a good way or in a bad way?  Because surely she would realize that I would find this to be just hilarious!

"You are right, this is too convenient," Twilight agrees.  "Every single one of these places was created by you?  You aren't just joking with me, are you?"

"Joking?  Is that a joke?"

"It wasn't supposed to be."

"Well, that's disappointing.  I can tell you exactly what each place looks like if you want.  Probably better than any pony can.  Like the chamber inside that butte that you call Joker's Island."

"Wait, a chamber inside...?"

"Yeah, you ponies might not have even noticed it.  If that's true, there might still be something special in there that I'll let you have.  You might like it."

"A special something?"

"It's a secret.  Besides, I'm not sure that it's still there, so I don't want to get your hopes up."





The island is really far off the beaten path.  It takes several hours of travel before it is in our sights, and it is actually late afternoon by the time we arrive.  If ponies have to travel this far into the middle of a place that would otherwise be nowhere, I would be quite surprised if the place received that many visitors.  Twilight was right though, it is quite a nice view.  The lake it sits on is quite large, and there are gentle, rolling green hills in all directions.  You can see for miles from atop the butte, which was quite convenient when I used to hang around here ages and ages ago.  That's why I designed it that way, after all.	

"Hah!" I declare happily, and then point toward the island.  "I can see the rock that I used to block the entry into the den in order to keep stuff out, it's still there!"

"What?  Where?"

"It's that one, right there!"

"Umm, which one?"

"The one to the left of that other rock."

"I don't think we're going to get anywhere like this..."

I sigh, knowing that she is right.

"Fine, you'll just have to see when we go down there and check it out for ourselves!  And you thought that I was crazy for bringing caving gear!"

"Wait, we're not going into an actual cave are we?" asks Twilight in concern.

"Nah, it's just a relatively small cavity in the rock that amounts to just one small room in the end.  But we are going to have to climb down the cliffside to get to the entrance.  Normally, I would just fly, but... you know."

We continues for a little bit more in silence.  The guards parked the carriages a short ways before the bridge and filed out, Celestia among them.

"Wait, do those baskets contain their dinners?" asked Twilight in surprise once she caught site of the baskets that the guards were bringing with them.  "Are they going to eat here?  In the middle of nowhere?"

"Sure," I respond.  "I know I will.  I like it here.  In fact, I'm going to land us now."

I turn the knob to remove some of the balloon's gas and we start to float down to the top of the island.

"Are you sure it's a good idea for us to be so close to them?" Twilight asks in worry.  "They might actually see me!"

"Just stay right by my side and you'll be fine," I assure her.

The balloon touches ground and I cut the gas completely, letting the balloon deflate, before turning around and grabbing my own bag of climbing gear.

"The surprise is over this way!" I declare happily as I hop off of the machine and point toward an edge.

"You're going to have to help me with this again," says Twilight.  "These climbs make me nervous."

"You have nothing to worry about, your carabiner will keep you tethered to the rope.  If you don't shear it with your magic like in your song, nothing is going to break that thing."

I march toward the edge and Twilight follows along.  We go straight past a number of Celestia's crew, of course, and Twilight presses herself against me as we pass them in an effort to remain unseen.  We reach the edge without incident.

"I can't wait to show you the surprise," I say as we prepare for the climb.

"Well, whatever it is must be over a thousand years old," Twilight says.  "So it must be interesting from at least a scientific point of view."

"You'll like it for more then that, I'll bet."

We begin our climb.  As previously agreed, I help Twilight down all the way.  As in, I never let her out of my grasp as we descend.

I come to a stop in front of a seemingly unimportant rock face, but I know better.

"This is the spot!" I cry.  "This rock here-"

I give the appropriate rock a kick.

"It's loose!" I continue.  "But it's also heavy.  You'll need to use your magic to push it in!"

"Okay..." says Twilight slowly.  "I guess if you say so."

She lights up her horn and casts her spell.  The rock moves back and into a tunnel that is quickly revealed.

"Hah!" I declare in triumph.

Suddenly, I get a powerful whiff of stale air.

"Whoa," says Twilight uneasily, and then she pants to try to recatch her breath.

"That air has been trapped for a long time," I say.

"Yeah," Twilight breathlessly agrees.  After a few more seconds of catching her breath, she magically shoves the rock aside leaving a clear tunnel boring into the side of the butte.

"Alright then," I say.  "You're kind of on top of me, so you go first.  I'll help you."

With little difficulty, I manage to help Twilight into the crevice.  I pull myself inside after her.

"I wonder if bats would move into this place if we leave it open," I muse to myself.  "Wouldn't that be ironic?  The Joker's Island would become home to a bat cave."

"What are you talking about?"

"Forget it."

Twilight has already lit her horn with a light and continued into the tunnel.  I watch as she emerges into the lone chamber, intent on gauging her reaction.

"What is this!" Twilight cries in astonishment at the object on top of the pedestal in the center of the chamber and the only thing of any significance in the room.

"This is a genuine diamond embedded diadem!" she cries, lifting it in her magic.  "What in the world is such a thing doing embedded inside of Joker's Island for so many years!  Oh my goodness, I just realized that this thing must have been here for all this time and nopony has ever noticed!  Look at this craftsmanship!  The ornate design, the fine engraving...  This metal...  Is this made out of silver?" she finished in breathless excitement.

"If I had to guess," I respond, "I would say that it's probably made out of platinum."

"Platinum!"

"Well, considering how that thing originally belonged to Princess Platinum..."

Twilight's pupils shrink to pinpricks in spite of the low light levels.  She carefully sets the diadem back down on the stone pedestal and then backs up a few steps.

"Discord!" she whispers to me loudly.  "Are you seriously telling me that this diadem is the former property of one of the founders!"

"Yes, it is.  You like pony history, don't you?  I figured you would appreciate this."

"Appreciate it!?" she shout-whispers.  "This is the find of a lifeti-  No, wait, this is even more rare than the find of a lifetime.  This is the sort of thing that should be an archeologist's capstone achievement over a lifetime of meticulous search!  I you just casually pulled this out of a national monument!?  How did you even come to possess it in the first place!?"

"Okay, I'll admit it, it was kind of a jerk thing to do to take it away from her, but I was honestly intending to give it back, I swear!  She was supposed to play a little game where she went on a scavenger hunt that would lead her here, but she couldn't be bothered and so she just paid for a new one instead and I got stuck with it.  I'd totally give it back now if I could, but there's not exactly a family left to give it to.  You can have it."

Twilight gives me a look of astonishment.

"I can't take this!  This is a historical artifact!  It belongs... in a museum, or some place like that!"

"Well, I guess we can do that too," I say, somewhat disappointed.  "But you'll still have to take it to bring it to them, right?"

"I...  I shouldn't get credit for discovering this.  But at the same time, I don't exactly like admitting that you found it because you originally swiped it...  And I don't want to cut our trip short in order to bring it to the proper authorities.  I don't know what to do."

I roll my eyes.

"Why don't we just give it to Celestia and let her handle it?" I suggest sarcastically.

"We can't just walk up to Celestia!" Twilight cries.  "We're supposed to remain hidden!"

"I know, I was being sarcastic!  Besides, if I were the one to give it to her, she wouldn't even know it was me."

"Well, sometimes I am unsure about when you are being serious and when you are not!  Most of the time, actually.  You so realize that even if you did give the diadem to Celestia, it would appear as though it came out of thin air from her perspect-"

Twilight stopped talking abruptly.

"Hmm," I declare with a grin.  "Now that is an interesting idea!"

"That could work, actually," says Twilight slowly.  "She will be incredibly confused, but she might ultimately blame it's appearance on magic.  And if anypony would recognize the diadem, it would be the Princesses.  There's no way that she will leave it out of her sight, even if she can't explain where it came from.

"And... it's not like I would be able to actually tell her the truth about where it came from even if I wanted to, nor anypony else.  Not until we fix your problem.  So, really, this might be the best course of action..."

"Well," I say, wearing a giant impish grin.  "Now that you've rationalized this to yourself, tell me, what's the best way to go about it?"





A short while later, Twilight and I are back on top of the butte.  I walk Twilight back to the blimp so that she can stay inside it while I wander over to Celestia, since it is the only place where we are certain that she won't be discovered.

The other ponies around us seem to have already devoured their meals while Twilight and I were on our little adventure.

I am now following Celestia, waiting for the right moment.  Eavesdropping on her conversations with the guard yields nothing of much interest, so actually this is a little boring.  But it will be worth it if Twilight's prediction turns out to be true.

And now, after only a short wait, the sun alicorn excuses herself and sets off on her own, unknowingly followed by myself.  She walks right up the rocky ramp that leads to the high point of the island, exactly as Twilight predicted and exactly as I had hoped.  It turns out that Twilight really is quite familiar with Celestia's habits and expected behavior after being her student for all of these years, and that in turn is turning out to be a tremendous advantage for me.  Celly is seeking out the highest point around her to perform the sun lowering ritual.

It takes about two minutes to reach the peak.  To my slight annoyance, Celly, stops and just looks out into horizon, admiring the scene around and below her.

I guess I can't blame her.  In this place, one really can honestly say that they are at the top of the world.  Or at least, the top of where you can see from here.  But it's not like Celestia needs that piece of ego boost.

Finally, she starts channeling her magic and I see my chance.

I carefully creep up behind her while she channels the spell to lower the sun, lifting my arms over her and holding the diadem about a foot away from the top of her head.

As soon as the sun suddenly dips below the horizon, I quickly but carefully set the diadem on Celestia's head, and then quickly back away from her in case she has some sort of a knee-jerk reaction.

She does jump a bit, but that is all.  I watch from mere meters away as her eyes turn upward in confusion.  I'm wearing a giant grin that I could not possibly get rid of if I wanted to.

She levitates the diadem off of her head and positions it in front of her eyes so that she can get a good look at it.  She gives it a look of extreme confusion, and then turns her head to look all around her, and up and down below as well, but she spots nothing out of the ordinary.  Of course, its actually impossible that she will actually find the one thing that is actually out of place up here.

It's the perfect time to take a picture with her and myself using Twilight's camera.

I'm building up a decent collection of these pictures.  It should be good when I finally get the chance to show them off to Celly.  And there are surely more to come.

Actually, she seems to have gone back to staring at the diadem.

Suddenly, she whispers a single word:  "Platinum..." and she seems to have stopped moving altogether.

Celestia has now been staring at that thing for at least thirty whole seconds.

And finally she moves.  Looking all around her in complete confusion once again.

"What happened..." she whispers as she looks around her.  "How?  Why?  How...?"

I cannot contain myself anymore and I burst out laughing.  Of course, Celestia doesn't hear.

I pull myself together just in time to notice Celstia tuck the diadem under her wing and cast a spell to hide it from the notice of others.

And then she finally walks back down the ramp and back to the guards.

I follow after her.

When she reaches the other ponies, one of the guards steps forward and speaks to her.

"Princess, is everything alright?"

"Everything is fine," she assures with a smile.

But underneath that mask of assurance, I can just feel the supposedly all-knowing mare's complete and utter bafflement.

I have to give Twilight a lot of credit for this one.  I don't have a lot of experience with doing things like this, but it was clearly effective.  A lot less screaming than I'm used to, but I rather like it.
> A Change of Plans
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another day has passed, and yet Twilight woke up this morning and informed me that Princess Luna hasn’t discovered where my powers are.  This was, admittedly, disappointing.

Twilight’s consolation in the form of a snuggle, however, was certainly not disappointing.

I even indulged in her desire to have me read a book along with her.  It was less unbearable than expected.

Thankfully, something interesting starts happening just as I am about to become weary of all of this inaction.

“Well, isn't that something!” I declare at the sight of the city on the horizon.  “Canterlot was one thing, but this place…  Some of those buildings are enormous!”

“That is one of many of Manehattan’s claims to fame,” replies Twilight.  “A lot of ponies live here, obviously.  The deeper we go, the more crowded the streets will be.  Oh my, look, Celestia’s carriage just had to pull aside to let some wild cart pass.  My goodness, but that fellow is impatient!  I wonder how he would react if he knew who he was running off the road!  That was outrageous!  Although, I suppose things like this are all to common around here...”

“It is rather comparable to a balloon, I do declare.”

“A balloon?”

“Too much air in one spot and the balloon go boom.”

“Oh, I see.  That's true.  Manehattan's concentrated population is analogous to a high pressure environment.  If the environment doesn't expand to accommodate everything, then heat increases.”

“Um, sure?  I like my version better.”

Twilight let's out a quiet laugh.  “Of course you would.”

“I remember this place from before though,” I continue, going back to my original point.  “There didn't used to be anything here.  And then, suddenly, WOOSH!  Biggest city I've ever seen.  I didn't even know that ponies could build towers that large, considering you lack the sheer magical power to hold it all together, but I won't pretend that I understand how you do the things that you do.  I mean, clearly it works.  Probably more pony magic if I had to guess.”

“Actually,” responds Twilight.  “It's all possible thanks to advances in engineering and technology rather than magic.”

“Ah.  Not something that would hold much interest for me then.”

“Discord, at this very moment we are sitting on a technological construct partially of your own design.”

“That's machinery though.  Not engineering.”

“It is engineering though!” Twilight insists.  “Engineering is the design phase!”

“Well, I couldn't have built this thing by myself.  And I didn't plan anything on paper beforehoof, I just did it.”

“I suppose so,” Twilight concedes slowly.

We are flying closer to the city when suddenly Celestia’s troop turns away from the main road.

“They're not going any further into the city yet?” I ask in surprise.  “We haven't even gone past a single giant tower yet!”

“They are called skyscrapers.  But it would appear that the Princess’s current destination is somewhere close by.”

We both watch for a bit before the carriage train reaches it's destination.

“What is that place?” I ask eagerly.

“I don't know, but judging from the shape of the building coupled with the fact that this is close to the time of day that Celestia seems to always have lunch, it seems probable that it is an eatery of some sort.  They must have reserved the place in advance. We'll have to go lower to see exactly what this place is and what they are up to.”

“Well, if they are staying inside that place, we'll have to do more than that if we want to get close to Celly.  As much as I would like the idea of simply smashing through the wall, ponies might get injured.”  Twilight gives me a funny look at this.  “And while sudden and unexpected and dramatic entrances are hilarious, terrorizing everyone isn't really that much fun.  Plus all the property damage which I currently have no method of repairing.  Come on, I would never actually DO it.  My point is, we're going to have to land entirely and get out.  Although, I'm not sure I'll be able to tell the difference between our blimp and the real Celestia if I don't have a point of reference…”

Twilight let's out a laugh.  I raise my eyebrow at her.  “Did you just laugh at a joke about Celestia's weight?” I ask.

“What?  No!” answers Twilight in a startled tone.  “I was just- look, it's not that the joke is actually funny, it's just that you just keep on saying it and saying it even though she is clearly not overweight.  It's almost foalish.”

“So you're not laughing at Celestia, you're laughing at me?” I ask.  And then I grin.  "Works for me!  Remind me later to show you my comedy act.”

“Oh good grief, the chaotic draconequus has a comedy act.  I can't even imagine how that might go.  I expect it must be really something.”

“Well, I like to think so.”

We are indeed at a restaurant, apparently,” she noted, pointing out a large sign as we descend through the air.

“ ‘Merrio’s’ “ I read aloud.  “What kind of restaurant is this?”

“It looks like an Itailian place.”

“Hmm,” I muse aloud.  “Is it normal for these places to have bouncers?”

Twilight looked and saw that there is a unicorn mare and an earth pony stallion standing in front of the front door to the establishment.  Next to them is a large poster that looks like it was created and hung in haste.  It reads, 'We are reserved for the whole day for a private party'.  As we watch, a line of palace guards gather at door.

“They must be there to ensure that nopony else aside from Celestia and the royal guard enter in order to maintain the privacy that the Princess wanted,” Twilight says.  “Speaking of the Princess, where is she?”

“The one at the very front of the line,” I declare.  “She made herself look like one of her own pegasus guards, but that one is Celestia for sure.  I can feel her magic.  She can certainly pull off an effective disguise when necessary.  No doubt she is using it to remain inconspicuous when she's out in the open like this.  Do you think she's going to eat like that too, or do you think the employees of the place know just who it is that they're serving today?”

“I don't know, but I just realized that we have a problem.  You can probably slip inside with no problem, but I don't think it will be as easy for me.”

“I suppose a teleportation would attract way too much attention.  Are there any other entrances into this place?” I wonder.

“Possibly.  Let's check the back.”

After a short flight over the building, I manage to spot a likely door and we begin to land.

Suddenly, as we are descending I become aware of a bit of passive magic at the edge of my senses, and something about it feels off.

It grows stronger as we touch the ground.

“Discord?” says Twilight after a moment of waiting.  “Are you going to deactivate the machine now or...?”

“Oh, duh,” I mutter, and I turn the appropriate switch.  “I was just distracted by some sort of magic.”

“What sort of magic?”

“I'm not sure, but it's not the sort that I'm used to being surrounded by.  It's originating from the inside of the restaurant.”

“There's strange magic in there?” asks Twilight, worried.  “I hope it isn't a threat to the Princess.”

“I don't think so…  If my magic sense was boosted by my powers, I would know exactly what it is and where it's coming from from across the city if I tried, but as I am, I need to get closer look.”

I jump out of the snow blowing machine and jog over to the door.  I stop in order to focus on my magic sense and immediately stare at the wall in complete surprise.

“Discord?” Says Twilight in concern after catching up to me.  “What's wrong?  You look dumbfounded, and that alone tells me that something is wrong.  Is it dangerous?”

“Well, it depends on your definition of dangerous…  But if you are asking whether it's going to hurt the Princess then the answer is almost certainly 'no’.  You see, I am pretty sure that Pinkie Pie is in there.”

“What?  Pinkie Pie?” cries Twilight in bafflement.  “That's highly improbable!  Why would she be here in Manehattan?”

“Perhaps she came to look for you?” I suggest.

Twilight gasps.  “Maybe something serious has happened in Ponyville and I wasn't there to stop it and she came to find me!  But, wait, she was already in the restaurant before we arrived.  She might be here looking for the Princess instead and she discovered her schedule somehow.  Or perhaps she IS looking for me and her Pinkie Sense told her that I would be here before even we knew we would be here.  Or maybe she is here for some totally random and unrelated reason.  With Pinkie Pie, it's difficult to know.”

Well, just so you know, I can tell where her general location is, and she isn't in the front of the restaurant.  She's back here, in the 'employees only’ section.”  I tap a claw on a sign on the door that declared the area behind it as such.

“Why would she-”, Twilight began, but then cut herself off.  “She must be here to find me for some reason.  It's the only explanation that makes sense.”

“Which is why I sincerely hope that there is another explanation.  Also, don't you think that Pinkie would be thrown out of the kitchens?  She tends to make a mess when she is left around ingredients.”

Twilight scrunches up her muzzle in concentration.  “That's true.  Even if Pinkie is here with Celestia's permission, it would still be suspicious for her to be in the back with the chefs.  She doesn't work here.  I don't know, maybe she convinced them to let her help?”

“Well, standing around and guessing won’t get us anywhere,” I say.  “Let's for ourselves shall we?”

I fling the door wide open.  Turns out it isn't even locked.  Inside, a white pony in a chef's garb and sporting an impressive bushy black mustache walks straight past the open door without even glancing our way.  I turn toward Twilight and behold a horrified expression.  She motions for me to close the door.

I close it.

“I can't sneak into the kitchen!” Twilight half whispered.  “I'll be caught!  I know that being in close proximity to you tends to hide myself from others as well, but we know that it isn't perfect!  It's too risky!”

“Oh, right.  Sorry, I forget.  Here, you stay put and I'll run in and see if I can figure out what's going on?”

“You'll come right back, right?” says Twilight cautiously.

“Yes, of course I will.  I don't want you to miss out on anything!”

“Alright, very well.  But do make sure not to cause a disturbance just yet?  We need to find out why Pinkie is here before we do anything stupid.”

“Only for you.”

I open the door again and slip inside.

The other side of the room turns out to be a storage room. The mustached chef is still in here, complaining about something or other, but I have other things to be doing besides listen in, fun though it might be.  I pick a direction and start exploring.

I don't have to go very far before a solution to our problem presents itself.  It's almost too convenient, how easy this was.  But then again, this is the storage room.

I snatch up a spare set of chef's garments and run back to the back door with them in my arms.

I stop and stare at the door handle.  And I let out a sigh.

No matter how much time passes with it absent, I will never stop wishing I have my powers back.

Instead of opening the door with magic, I am forced to bring my paw up to the handle, still clutching fabric.  Getting the handle to turn without letting go is tricky, but I do manage it.  I then awkwardly push it open with my side and stumble outside.

“What are you carrying, Discord?” asks Twilight in confusion.

“I'm carrying a disguise for you, of course!” I announce as I unfurl the garb for her to see.

“That could work, actually” Twilight agreed.  “Hopefully anypony who doesn't know who I am will believe that I'm a new employee and won't question it.  It's not a perfect solution, but I really do need to find Pinkie.  I just wish she had turned up some place more convenient.  Oh well.  I better get these on.”

This process takes literally one second, as Twilight simply teleports the clothes onto herself.

“That reminds me,” I say, and then I walk over to our ride.  I quickly locate my trusty swirly colored towel and wrap it around my middle, tying it up like a belt.

“You never know,” I say to Twilight as I come dashing back.  “By the way, that chef is still behind the door rambling to himself,” I tell her.  “He might not wander off for a while.”

“I’ll just stay calm and walk by casually.  If I look busy, he'll probably leave me be.”

She turned toward the door and hesitated.

“You’re a bad influence on me, you know?” she says.  “I can’t believe I am sneaking into an Itailian restaurant when I could probably just go to the front door and have Celestia vouch for me, even though she would be surprised to see me.  Well… here it goes…”

She cracks the door open and steps inside.

“Oh, a-thank tha stars!” cries a voice, which turns out to be the chef.  He rushes up to Twilight in an instant.

“It’s-a disaster!” he continues frantically in a heavy accent.  “Half of your-a co-workers are ill and cannot work!  You’re-a late, but at least…”  He trails off and studies Twilight’s face briefly.  And then he shakes his head, apparently not caring that he can’t remember Twilight’s face.  “You are-a here, at least, and that’s-a all that matters!”

Twilight is taken aback and clearly nervous, but she says, “Half of the chefs are ill?”

“Yes!” cries the chef.  “It’s-a terrible!  And on the most important day in-a my career!  At least my-a finest chef is not also ill!  I just hope that she's fine enough to save us from this disaster in-a the making!  She a-needs somepony to assist her with the pasta dishes!  The rigatoni and the mostaccioli and the ravioli!  Come, already the orders are-a coming!”

Without further words, the chef drags Twilight away and into a kitchen.

The very place where I know Pinkie Pie to be.

“Stinky!” he cries, much to my confusion.  I hurry into the kitchen myself and I see Pinkie Pie also dressed up in chef’s garb and currently kneading some dough, I think.

“Yes, Mister Merrio?” Pinkie says, not turning away from her task.

“This-a mare is here to assist you, Stinky.”

“Oh, good!” she answers.

“I-a must go!” he cries, and swiftly leaves the kitchen, leaving us alone with Pinkie Pie.  And something is very, very wrong with her.  I focus my senses further, hoping to locate what appears to be missing.

“Hi!” says Pinkie, giving Twilight a wave.  “Just give me a minute!”

“Pinkie!” cries Twilight in surprise.

This causes Pinkie to cease her kneading instantly and look towards Twilight.

“Um…  My name is Stin-“

And then she freezes in place.

“How did you…” she whispers, before abruptly collapsing on the ground.

“Oh my goodness!” cries Twilight as she rushes to the other mare’s side.  “She fainted!  Why did she faint!”

“Because I am pretty sure that this is not your Pinkie Pie,” I say cautiously.

“What is that supposed to mean?!”

“Well, you see, my dear, the Pinkie Pie that you and I know has a bond of friendship with every single pony in your entire town.  This Pinkie Pie doesn’t have a single one.

Twilight stares at me in disbelief for a few seconds before turning to face the unconscious mare.

“So,” I continue.  “Well, not to jump to conclusions here but Pinkie might have undergone the most severe midlife crisis I have ever seen.”

“There’s no chance that Pinkie would just give up every single friend that she has like that!”

“Well, what do you think is going on then?”

“Do you think that she came from another universe?  What if she is some sort of parallel version of Pinkie Pie?”

I blink in surprise.  “That seems like a far-fetched idea.  Not exactly the sort of thing I expect out of you.  Where did that come from?”

“It’s not completely far-fetched.  I’ve recently become engrossed in the study of cutie marks.  It’s startling how little about them we actually know.  It’s all theory for the moment, but I think I can feel something big if I can just discover the right connections.  Anyway, in a way a cutie mark is a symbol of who a pony is.  But a cutie mark doesn’t so much tell what one’s special talent, but rather show how that pony has chosen to harness their special talent.  This is why there are ponies today who have marks depicting things that were invented relatively recently, even though they could not possibly have gotten such a mark if they lived in the past.  It is also possible, although rare, for two ponies to get what appear to be identical marks, but their magical signatures will always differ even in those cases.  Not even identical twins have identical magic signatures, because their fundamental magic is tied to their spirits, and even twins are not the same individual.”

“Well, yes,” I agree.  “That’s what I am saying.  The mare in front of you is Pinkie Pie.  I’m fairly sure of that.  But where did the whole ‘other universe’ thing come from?”

Twilight seems hesitant for a bit.  But she finally answers.  “Well, it’s just that alternative realities are a popular theory among theoretical magicians and I asked Princess Celestia if she had any idea about whether it’s all true or not and… She sort of mentioned that Starswirl the Bearded managed to make contact with another universe, a long, long time ago."

This surprised me far more than I allow to show.  “You mean another dimension, surely?  There is a big difference between another dimension and another universe.  I’m pretty sure that there are no other copies of ourselves in other dimensions.  I would have noticed.  Probably.  I suppose anything is possible."

“Wait, you can access other dimensions?”

“Well, yes, but they are all strange and alien to ponies like you.  Not places that you would expect ponies to come from, certainly.  But I can’t access places that are in a totally separate universe.  So, I’ll admit, for all I know, there are other versions of ponies in other dimensions.  I’m just having a little trouble believing that somepony actually found a way through the barrier between dimensions.  I still think this theory of yours is a stretch.”

“Well, yeah, you’re right, that theory probably isn’t correct.   Especially since I have thought about it and I have an explanation that makes much more sense.  I think she is a magical copy of the real Pinkie Pie!”

I shake my head.  “No, I don’t see how that could be.  Whenever I animate something, there are two options: I either have to control it myself, or else give it a set of instructions that it will follow autonomously.  While it is possible to fabricate something that looks like a pony with something that looks like a cutie mark, the result would be a lifeless automaton.  One made out of the same stuff as ponies, but it would be a hollow shell never-the-less .  This mare has Pinkie Pie’s magic and cutie mark, which, theoretically, is fundamentally tied to one’s spirit.  And if this Pinkie Pie is a separate Pinkie altogether, then this is like nothing I have ever seen before in my whole long life.  It would mean that there are two copies of the same pony running around that are fundamentally the same pony, only with a different set of experiences and memories, since memories are stored in your head and not in your spirit.”

“Is that even possible?” wonders Twilight aloud.  “Can the spirit of a pony actually inhabit two individuals at once?”

“Theoretically, I don’t see why not…” I muse.  “The spirit of a pony is bound by physics even less so than magic.  Almost not at all, in fact.  Ergo, a spirit does not physically have a location.  It must be bound to ponies somehow, obviously, but it might be possible to bind it to multiple, across any distance.  Or even across universes, I guess.  The distance wouldn't matter.  In fact, it would likely have to be the case if parallel universes do exist, as multiple instances of ponies who are the same individual would have the same spirit.  And you and Celestia seem to be quite convinced.  I’m going to have to ask her about that sooner or later, it is far too big for me to just ignore.”

Twilight lowers her head.  “Then that complicates things very greatly,” she says.  “A month or two ago, Pinkie Pie managed to find a strange magic that allowed her to create copies of herself.  I had decided that they must have been magically constructed automatons because of their single-minded focus on having fun.  Admittedly, sometimes the real Pinkie Pie acts like that too, so I was having a lot of trouble figuring out who the real Pinkie Pie was.  But it got worse.  The copies started causing property damage and severe disturbances.  I had no choice but to send them back into the magic that spawned them.  But, of course, I needed to make sure that the real Pinkie didn’t get sent back by accident.”

“Wait,” I interrupt.  “As a normal pony who is not a magical construct, would the real Pinkie have even been able to be ‘sent back’?”

“I don’t think so, but I wasn’t about to take that kind of a risk.  It also turns out that they shared Pinkie Pie’s knowledge, although, I later realized that they didn’t share her memories.  It would have been simple to identify the real Pinkie by simply asking a question about our past with her.  The copies wouldn’t be able to answer correctly.  It doesn’t matter now.  Anyway, one more thing that I noticed though was that each copy seemed to have the real Pinkie’s magic, and they were also each their own source of it.  Which meant that I couldn’t even differentiate them that way either!

“But they never did stop acting like fun machines.  Even when we gathered them all up for a test of friendship, never once did a single one of them even try to ask me to not send them back.  Instead, they all goofed off right until the moment I sent them back, exactly what I would expect from an automaton.  The only Pinkie Pie that understood what was at stake was the real one.  Or so I thought.  I suddenly have this heavy suspicion that one of the copies looked around and realized that it didn’t want to go back.  And decided to run off.”

“You think it became a true, free thinking Pinkie Pie…” I mutter, now overwhelmed with interest.  “If all of this is true-“

Suddenly Pinkie lets out a moan.  

"Well, I guess you're about to find out!" I say.

Seconds later, she opens up her eyes and stares at Twilight.  And then her face fills with dread.

“Pinkie,” says Twlight quickly and seriously.  “When is the last time that you saw me before today?”

I realize that is is one of those questions that only the real Pinkie would answer in a certain way.  Pinkie hesitates for about ten seconds.

“It was the day that you sent the others back,” she whispers.

“I Pinkie Promise, says Twilight, still speaking quickly, “that I am not going to send you back.  Not now, and not ever.  Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my ey-argh!  Why do I always forget to close my-  Argh!”

“… Oh…”

“Are you okay?”

The Pinkie Pie who is a copy of the real Pinkie lets out an enormous huff, and then stands up.

“Today was the day,” she says.  Both Twilight and I stay silent, listening.  “Today was the day I would fix everything.  Princess Celestia herself is here.  Here, at the place where I took work!  I was going to fix up the yummiest dish ever, and then when the Princess is in a good mood I was going to reveal myself and ask to talk to her.  And then I was going tell her everything and try my hardest to convince her…  That I am Pinkie Pie.  Every time somepony makes a Pinkie Promise, like you just did…  Somehow, I know.  The moment it happens, I get this tingle.  Because Pinkie is who I am.  And I was hoping against hope that she would understand and make sure that you understand too, as well as everypony else.”

“I see,” says Twilight uneasily.

“I don’t need to do that anymore, though, do I?” Pinkie says.

“I could still introduce you to the Princess,” says Twilight.

“Whoa, wait,” I cry out.  “What about staying out of her sight?”

Twilight glances at me wordlessly, but it only takes one look into her expression to realize that this is a greater priority.

“No!” says Pinkie quickly, and she shivers.  “I was only going to do all of that because had no other choice!  Now… I don’t have to do it, and so I don’t want to!”

“You don’t want to keep hiding forever do you?” Twilight asks in confusion.

“No, but I just don’t want to right now!  What if she doesn’t approve of me?  What if… the other me doesn’t like me?”

“That’s not something that they would do,” answers Twilight with confidence.  “That will never happen.”

“I… I know.  But I’m still too scared.  One day, maybe I’ll have the courage but for now...  Will you please, please promise to keep me a secret?”

“Well, if you’re sure…” says Twilight.  “I promise.”

“Thank you.  So… what now?”

At this time, a waiter comes rushing into the room with a notebook held in his magical grasp and starts sticking them to a weird metal thing hanging from the ceiling that I just realized must be intended to hold orders for the chefs.

“This one is the  Princess's order!” he shouts, pointing at a specific paper.  “You must ensure that it is perfect!  Please waste no time!”

He rushes right out again.

“Great galloping gators!” squeals Pinkie.  “I almost forgot all about that!  I have to cook for the party!”

“What party?” says Twilight in bewilderment.  "I saw something about that outside, but I thought it might just be a ruse..."

“Mister Merrio said that the Princess arranged for a birthday party for one of her private guards!  I guess he must really like Itailian food, but I'm still going to make a cake too!  It’s traditional!  I know I said I don’t want to talk to the Princess anymore, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to walk away from giving her what she ordered!  By the way, are you actually here to help?  Because I could really, really use it!  Can you cook?”

“Well, sort of,” says Twilight uncertainly.  “If you have a cookbook with very precise instructions then I can definitely follow that to the letter.”

“Good enough!”

“Discord, you’re going to help me!” says Twilight as she comes to my side.

“Hang on!” I cry out, feeling suddenly overwhelmed.  “I had this vision of us spiking their food, or switching who is sitting next to who without warning, and other fun stuff like that!  Now you want me to help you make Celestia and her goons the best lunch ever?”

“Yes!”

“But what about what we came here to do?”

“That will just have to wait.  You’ve shown me what you do already!  Now I need to do what I do, and what I am doing is helping a pony who needs help!  And I’m asking for you to help me to do that!”

“But,” I stammer.  “I don’t know how to cook!  I always just summon up fully complete dishes!  I have no idea what to do, and if you think I can follow a cookbook, you’re very much mistaken!”

“You can be my gopher then!  And you should be able to manage assisting the waiters, too, if you can refrain from messing with Celestia.”  Twilight suddenly rushes back to Pinkie.

“Let’s divide the orders between us!” Twilight says to her.  “What’s the first thing on my list?”

“Um,” says Pinkie, looking over at the papers.  “Somepony ordered spaghetti.  I don’t understand why that keeps happening, that’s not even on the menu!”

“Well, do you have spaghetti?”

“Well, yes, although Mister Merrio doesn’t like it.  He says its uncultered or something.  But it’s in the storage room.”

Twilight comes rushing back to me.

“Discord!  Please go fer spaghetti!  I’ll get everything else ready!”

Okay, well, this is really happening then.  And she did ask nicely.

And besides, I just had an idea.

I reach down to the towel and undo the knot, and then I wrap it around my middle again, but in a different way so that it doesn’t bunch up and instead hangs down toward my legs.

“Server Discord is ready!” I declare.  "Don't mind all the stains that might suggest that I have several coats of strange and colorful foods clinging to my waist, it's just paint!"

“That’s great!” says Twilight.  “But we’re kind of in a rush!”

“Oh, sorry, forgot!”

I dash out of the kitchen.

This is going to be a long day, I think to myself.
> Strange Magic
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So," says Twilight to me as I come back into the kitchen with my arms full of things from her list.  "Apparently the birthday pony is a stallion named Gale Brave."

"Oh, another guard sporting the chivalry motif," I say.  "Let me guess, pegasus, right?"

"Well, yes?"

"Figures.  Ponies are soooo predictable sometimes."

"We're allowed to be," she points out.

"True, your predictability just exposes my own virtue."  I set everything down in a heap on a convenient counter.  "By the way, which of these orders belongs to Celestia?"

"This one here," answers Twilight, illuminating one of the orders with her magic.  "Please don't mess with it!"

"I'm not going to, I just am ever so curious as to what she ordered."

I read the slip aloud.

"The mega-sized rigatoni bowl in melted provolone cheese with mareinara sauce and Celestial sun chips with artichoke-spinach dip.  Did they really name chips after Celestia?"

"It's certainly not uncommon," Twilight answers, opening one of the ovens and putting something inside.  Meanwhile, the clone Pinkie Pie has gained a lot of her original counterpart's energy and enthusiasm now that her existence isn't being threatened and is flying all over the room baking.  Honestly, I am not even sure that Twilight and I are going to make very much of a difference, with the rate at which she works.

"I wonder whether or not the owner pressured her into ordering those chips, actually," Twilight continues.  "If he can get her to officially endorse them, it would be a major benefit to the business."

"Wait, you think that Merrio chump with the funny accent made Celestia order that?  He can't do that, can he?  I mean, she's just the ruler of the nation, he can't make her do anything!"

"Well, no, he can't 'make' her do anything" Twilight agrees, putting emphasis on 'make'.  "But ponies can try to pester her until she agrees to their demands.  She puts up with it every day back in Canterlot.  I suppose she can't escape it all even while on vacation."

"Well, that sounds positively annoying.  Where are these chips?  I wish to judge them for myself."

"I don't know.  I'll ask.  Hey, Pinkie Pie?"

Pinkie suddenly whooshes in front of Twilight, but her hooves continue to fly across the room behind her, apparently managing to use a bread roller while simultaneously chopping vegetables and stirring a bowl of salsa.  "You called?" she asks casually.

"Where can I find the Celestial sun chips?"

"Oh, I have them right here!"  A pink blur whizzes by and a package appears in Twilight's hooves.  There is an illustration of what appears to be a plain triangular chip with google eyes on it.

"Oh.  Um, thank you!  Do you mind if I try one?  I want to make sure that it is fit for a princess after all!"  Twilight says with a nervous laugh.

"Sure!  I just finished this giant bowl of the artichoke-spinach dip.  I have to divide it up between a few of the other customers who also ordered it anyway, so I can grab you a teeny bowl too!  You can get the full experience!"

Pinkie sets a bowl of the dip down on the counter next to the supplies I brought in.

"Hey, by the way Twilight, did you notice how all of these ingredients just showed up out of nowhere?" Pinkie continues.  "Weird, right?"

She grabs it all up and carries it off.

Twilight holds a hoof to her mouth and whispers at me.  "You know, I always privately thought that if Pinkie Pie ever suddenly turns evil, we're doomed."

"I wouldn't worry about that," I answer her.  "I don't think she is capable of being evil and happy at the same time, and I am pretty sure that her strange magic doesn't work if she isn't happy."

I take a chip and dip it in the salsa, then take a bite.  The taste isn't anything terrific, but it's not horrible.  I chew thoughtfully.

"Well?" asks Twilight.

"The chip itself is completely bland," I answer honestly.  "The salsa isn't anything spectacular, but it does save the whole thing from being boring."

"Well, maybe Celestia will like it.  Also, I have another list of things that we need," says Twilight, holding out another slip of paper to me.

I sigh and accept it from her.

The task of retrieving all of these ingredients with paw and claw is so mind-numbingly dull that I can't help but wonder why in the world I'm putting myself through all of this.





I come back into the kitchen and dump everything off again.  Twilight has stopped cooking completely and is just staring at Pinkie Pie's acrobatics.

"Slacking off?" I say, crossing my arms.  "Making me do all the work, eh?"

"I need to pay attention to this timer so that I don't accidently overcook the pasta," Twilight explains without looking at me.  "And that's also what got me thinking...  How does she do it?  She's working seven ovens at once without even using a timer, and somehow she always knows when to take the things inside out at the right time!"

"Twi, honestly, I'm surprised at you.  You know better than to waste time trying to understand her."

"Well, yes, that's what everypony tells me... but there's just one thing..."

I raise an eyebrow at her.  "What?  You mean you actually figured something out?"

"Well, no, I didn't figure anything about because it still doesn't make any sense, but...  Okay, so, a few weeks ago, there was this unicorn who acquired a powerful artifact that enhanced her magic.  Her name was Trixie.  She actually took over Ponyville for a little while and did mean things to my friends.  Clearly, I beat her at her own game and everything is fine now, but while she was still in charge, she used magic to take Pinkie Pie's mouth away.  The real Pinkie Pie, of course."

"And everypony in town celebrated, I presume."

"No, of course not!  After Trixie left, I started looking for Pinkie Pie so that I could give her her mouth back, but I couldn't find her, so I made a portal to her location.  At first I thought she was simply in a dark room, and although that is strange, it's not so strange for Pinkie Pie, so I just walked in and gave her her mouth back, but afterward I realized that even though my magic should have lit up the room, it didn't do that at all.  It wasn't even a room, it was just some sort of a weird void thing!  I got nervous and ran back out, and then later when I asked Pinkie Pie about it, she just told me that she couldn't figure out how to explain it and told me to not worry about it."

I stare at Twilight in astonishment.

"You have seen something not meant for the eyes of ordinary ponies." I state in solemn reverence.

"So do you know what that was?" she asks nervously.

"Twilight, if you are looking for a technical explanation, I can't even give that to you about my own magic.  And, I quite simply wasn't there.  I have no idea what it was, although it would explain why she appears to disappear from reality on occasion.  But Pinkie Pie's magic is just simply not the same sort as mine.  It's all just strange magic to me.

"But, if I must be honest, it isn't quite as strange as the magic that is coming from this bizarre relationship we've made for ourselves.  Neither of us are properly equipped to use it, but its definitely there, for some reason, when I... I just look at you, and I get this impression that that magic inside of me has the potential to literally make me fly, without any wings or chaos magic or unicorn magic at all."

Twilight stops what she is doing and looks at me, gazing into my eyes in astonishment.

"Is that even possible?" she asks quietly.

"How should I know?"

"It might actually be," says Twilight, excitement suddenly growing in her voice.  "Cadance would be able to tell me more... about the 'strange magic'.

Suddenly, music starts playing in my head, and I feel the urge to start singing.  Which isn't something I normally do, unless I am making a game of it.

	"You're sailing softly through the air
And wondering how the heck you got up there!
You fly so high.

I get a strange magic,
Oh, what a strange magic,
Oh, it's a strange magic,
Got a strange magic,
Got a strange magic."

Twilight takes over and sings the next verse.

	"You're flying through portals in my mind
Making waves through space and time
Oh whoa, oh whoa!

I get a strange magic
Oh, what a strange magic
Oh, it's a strange magic
Got a strange magic
Got a strange magic!"

"Oh, I'm never going to learn self control!"

I tear my eyes away from Twilight's and look at Pinkie Pie in disbelief.

"She's hijacking our song!" I complain.

	"Now I've seen the way it's got to end!
Sweet candy, sweet candy!"

Pinkie flings open a cabinet a ceiling corner of the room and grabs a bowl of sweets.

"Strange magic!
This stuff fills me with strange magic!
Oh, it's a strange magic, that's for sure!
Got a strange magic
It's really obvious, I've got a strange magic!"

"Pinkie!" cries Twilight, dispelling the song.

"Yes?"

"How did you... I mean, you heard that?"

"Of course I did!"

"But... wait, can you actually hear or see Discord?"

"You mean the super sneaky ninja who keeps leaving ingredients around the kitchen?  Nope."

Twilight's mouth hangs open quivering for a moment and I help her close it.

"I suggest you don't think about it.  Besides, she clearly only joined in after you did, and she can hear you."

"Of course," says Twilight, reluctantly accepting this.  "If I wasn't sure before, I am sure now.  There is no other possible pony that this could be besides Pinkie Pie."

"Now you've made me hungry!" whines Pinkie.  "I go through so much candy that between that and paying for the place I'm renting, I don't have any leftover bits!  Maybe I can convince Mister Merrio to give me a raise after today.  What is magic anyway, Twilight?"

"Pff," I sputter.  "That's easy.  Magic is this incredible power that lets you warp everything around you and do whatever you want."

"That's not quite true, Discord..." says Twilight.  She turns back to Pinkie Pie.

"Magic is the application of energy which results in a change in reality that defies what the natural laws of the universe dictate should happen.  Over the years, many inventions have been made that appear to be magical in nature, but are actually not.  But there are just some things that magic can do that a purely non-magical device will never be able to imitate.  Although, there are many different kinds of magic, and some kinds" she emphasizes, looking in my direction once again, "defy natural law more than others.  Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

"Oh, it was just a question that an alligator asked me before I ran away from Ponyville.  I didn't have an answer."

"Alligator?"

"Hold on a second," I say.  "What's that phrase that you're always spouting off?  'Friendship is magic'?  I mean, obviously it must be because I can sense it with my magic sense, but how in Equestria does that possibly fall in line with that definition of magic?"

"Because, Discord, the physical changes that a friendship makes to the world are relatively small.  But they have so much more power than that.  It changes how the world affects us, and gives us strength where there is none to be had.  Ergo, it satisfies the conditions of being a form of magic."

I raise a single eyebrow at her.

"Well, I wouldn't know.  I guess I'll have to take your word for it."

"By the way, I have more things I need you to get."

"Sigh."





Thanks to Pinkie's unbelievable cooking skills, this tedious task actually finishes in a bearable amount of time.  All that's left is the cake.

"Stinkie!" cries the voices of the owner outside of the kitchen door.

The door flies open and the stallion himself trots in.

"Stinkie!  I a-just checked with tha princess, and... she likes a-tha food!  She's agreed to give me an official endorsement!  I have you to-a thank for this!"

"Don't forget my loyal assistant!" answers Pinkie, nudging Twilight with her head.

"Don't be modest," Twilight says.  "You probably could have prepared all of this by yourself and it wouldn't have taken very much longer at all!"

"That's totally not true!  You gave me the motivation to do it!"

"Well, I'm-a in a good mood this fine afternoon!" cries Merrio.  "I'm-a going to give you both a raise!  And as soon as you have that birthday cake ready, you may take the rest'a the day off.  Now I must go and ensure that everypony continues to be satisfied!"

He turns around and walks back out again.

"Um," says Pinkie.  "What am I supposed to do when he realizes that you're not on the payroll?"

"I'm pretty sure it won't be your problem," answers Twilight.  "You have nothing to worry about.  But maybe I should make myself scarce before Celestia leaves and he takes the time to actually ask me who I am."

"You're leaving?" cries Pinkie in disappointment.

"Do you need me to stay?" asks Twilight in concern.

"I guess not.  It's just that, normally I avoid everypony because I don't want to be recognized, but I don't have to do that around you anymore.  So, I guess that sort-of-kind-of makes you my only friend."

"You consider me to be a friend?" says Twilight in slight surprise.  "But I was the one trying to send you back into the mirror pool!  I understand that you're relieved that I'm not going to do that any more, but...  Well, why aren't you angry at me, or afraid of me?"

"I don't really know," says Pinkie in a slow response that suggests that she never thought about it.  "Maybe I should be.  But, I'm not.  I guess I'm just so happy you're letting me stay, I can't be mad.  I realize that you were only doing what you thought was best based on the limited information that you had at the time, and if I get mad at you, you might get mad at me, and if we are both mad at each other, we might become enemies instead of friends, and then nopony would be happy, and that would be awful!"

"I guess that makes sense," says Twilight.  "Do you need any help settling into Manehatten?  I could help you."

"I've already got everything covered, but thank you for the offer.  So, after you leave, if I write to you, promise me that you'll write back?"

"Of course!" Twilight answers.  "I promise."





A short while later, Twilight and I find ourselves standing outside the restaurant, next to the Celestia balloon.  "Well, that was an... interesting afternoon," I say.

Twilight lets out a laugh.  "You don't have to embellish for my benefit Discord.  I know that you would have rather been doing... almost anything else."

"Well, if I had gone off by myself, you wouldn't have been there, and that would have taken most of the fun out of whatever I decided to do.  I mean, you are the only pony who even reacts to my jokes at the moment."

"Well, I'm just happy that we were able to make ponies happy today."

"You mean Celestia?"

"Not just her.  Also Pinkie Pie- the copy of Pinkie anyway, and Gale Brave, all the other guards, and even Mister Merrio."

"What are you talking about?" I ask in confusion.  "We didn't help those last two, did we?"

"Well, we did contribute to Gale's birthday lunch."

"You know as well as I do that Pinkie would have been able to do it without us."

"That is true, but that isn't the point.  The point is that we did make a contribution."

"I don't understand what you are saying, Sparkle."

"It shows that you care."

"Well, I care about you Sparkly, but I wouldn't say that I care about all those other ponies."

"Whatever the reason, then.  Even though you only refrained from causing trouble because I asked you to, you still did as I asked."

Suddenly, Twilight's smile turns mischievous.  She uses magic on me to pull my head down so that she can whisper to me.  "And even though you it wasn't as much fun for you as it was to me, you do have my... very sincere gratitude."

Suddenly she pulls me in very close.  Her lips press into mine, and the sudden action causes me to fall over in surprise.

Twilight's mouth gets dislodged from the sudden motion and I can feel her lips drag up my face as I tumble backward.

After impacting the ground, I realize that she is now more or less standing on top of me, staring at me wide eyed.

"That's not fair!" I cry at her.  "I was supposed to do that first!"

I don't give her a chance to answer back and I thrust my face back into hers, giving her a proper kiss.

After eventually breaking away, we both pant and look at each other.

"Forget about Celestia for today," I say, smiling at her.  "You and I are going on a date."

"Where are we going to go?" she asks quietly.

My grin suddenly transforms into a frown.

"Actually, I have no idea what ponies do on a date.  That's sort of part of the reason I didn't bring it up before."

"Do you want to go find a crowded street somewhere and paint signs and give out pamphlets and warn everypony about the dangers of spontaneous pony combustion?"

I give her a look.  "Everypony will think you're completely nuts," I point out.  "That sounds perfect!"

































"Discord!"  I hear Twilight whisper.  "Discord, wake up!"

I groggily open my eyes and look around and realize that I'm laying inside the blimp parked in some forgotten corner of Manehatten, which is surprisingly bright at night.  Twilight is laying on top of me.

I let out a yawn.  "What is it?"

"Princess Luna figured out where your powers are being kept!"

I lift my head up and look at Twilight.

I yawn again.  "Huh.  Imagine that.  Where then?"

"Apparently Celestia is having some experts keep your magic under observation somewhere at her school in Canterlot."

"Great.  We should swing by.  Later.  After Celestia finishes her vacation."

There is a moment of silence.

"You mean you don't want it back this very instant?"

"If we leave now, I won't get any more chances to mess with Celestia!" I whine.  "I've lived without my magic for this long, I'll last a little while longer.  It's not going anywhere."

"Well, if you insist."

"By the way," I say, "Tell Luna that I said to thank her.  Seriously."

I lay back down and close my eyes and return to slumber.
> And Now Things get Serious
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fortunately, although we stopped tailing Celestia yesterday, she isn't hard to find again.  The last thing she is doing on her little vacation is taking a private cruise with her guard, who all must be very pleased that they get a free cruise.  Twilight and I awoke early as ever and flew over to the harbor and I spotted them immediately.

"Well well, look at that," I declare in amusement.  "It looks like the princess is finally taking advantage of her position to do something extravagant for herself."

This wasn't a sarcastic statement either.  Celestia and her guard are boarding a rather large wooden sea vessel.  The decks are all dressed in finery and luxury befitting a luxury cruise, but the ship was shaped like no other in the harbor, and was also the biggest as well.  I know very little about boats, so I decide to ask Twilight about it.

"That is clearly not a normal ship," I say observationally.  "Certainly nothing else like it around here.  What kind of ship is that anyway?"

Twilight stares at the ship critically for a moment before answering.  "Discord, that's Celestia's private ship of the line, the Negotiatior.  They have altered it so that it doesn't look as intimidating as it normally should, but I am fairly sure that is the Negotiator."

I give Twilight a dumbfounded look.  "Wait wait wait, you're telling me that that is a war ship and it is called the 'Negotiator'?"

"Yes, that's right."

I burst out laughing.

"Celly... actually named her... the 'Negotiator'... oh my chaos, that's not like her and yet it is also just like her and at the same time so hilarious!"

Twilight blushed a bit.  "I suppose the name is a bit ironic, especially if that ship is ever forced to fulfill the role which it is outfitted for, but it is not unreasonable for Princess Celestia to come to a negotiation while armed."

"Oh yeah sure," I say mirthfully.  "I can see it now!  That ship is just sailing along in the ocean and suddenly they get attacked by pirates and Celestia says to them, 'Nooooo we just want to negotiate,' and the pirates answer back 'Negotiate this!' and start shooting.  And then..." I trail off as I realize exactly how the rest of this hypothetical situation would go.  "And then they would be blown out of the water by that monstrously huge frigate.  Actually, those pirates were a bunch of idiots for attacking that thing in the first place.  What were they thinking?"

"That's what would happen if the Princess was not actually on board at the time," answers Twilight.  "If she was, I don't think cannon fire would ever even reach the ship, and the pirates would probably all be out cold in an instant.  Although, that's not the kind of business that the Negotiator takes care of, so it probably won't actually ever happen."

"And taking Celestia on a cruise is the kind of business that they get up to, is it?"

"Well, its purpose is to serve Princess Celestia's needs, so yes, actually.  Although, I am fairly certain that the Princess is fully capable of teleporting directly to any meeting that she needs to, even in an entirely different nation, although of course she never does.  Despite the frigate, she doesn't want to appear to be intimidating personally."

"Yes, I suppose it does make sense to make everyone else think that the big boat and the guard are the biggest threat around," I muse.

"More or less," says Twilight with a shrug.

I notice that Cellestia seems to have appeared from somewhere while we were talking.  She is openly walking through the harbor without a disguise, but I guess there aren't that many ponies around that will bother her.

We watch in silence as she talks to a few ponies and eventually goes on board the gigantic ship.

"They'll probably be casting off soon," I say.

"So do you have any idea what you want to do?" asks Twilight.  "Now that you've seen where she'll be?"

"Honestly, I don't, but I'm not worried about it.  We should have all day to think of something.  For now, I just want to see what Celestia considers to be a fun cruise."

The Negotiator (I have to interrupt my own thoughts here to snicker) set off soon enough into the wild blue yonder.  It appears that all of the passengers have taken seats around tables on... the main deck.  I don't know nautical terms, who knows what it's actually called.

"What is she doing?" I ask, looking down at the princess, who was sitting on a red cushion in front of a table and all by herself.

"She doesn't appear to be doing anything at the moment," Twilight answered.  "She's probably just enjoying the air."

"You want to go down there and see what happens?"

"You mean try to land this thing on the deck of a moving ship?" asked Twilight in surprise.

"No, I just mean get closer in the machine."

"Oh, of course.  Alright, I guess we can."

It didn't take much time to lower our blimp suitable near the Princess.  By the time I was satisfied with our position, a rather amusing development had taken place below.  One of the guards had pulled up a seat and was hoof wrestling the Princess.

And Celestia was just sitting there grinning at the guard as his face turned red with exertion.

"This is certainly odd," I say out loud.  "How is she that strong?  Physically, I mean."

"I have no idea," responds Twilight.

The other guards are taking note of the activity and many are now rising from their seats to crowd around the princess and her opponent.  And now they are screaming encouragement at their poor comrade.

There are a few other ponies on board besides just the Princess and her guard.  Probably sailors permanently stationed on the ship, if I had to guess from their uniforms.  Several of them are watching the spectacle, but none join in.

It occurs to me that there is no way that the guard would act like this around royalty unless Celestia specifically invited them to.

Huh.  Well, look at that, maybe she does practice what she preaches after all.

Suddenly, I can just barely make out the Princess's own taunting amidst the screaming.  "If you require a handicap, I will not begrudge you for using two hooves!"

Her opponent groaned in frustration, but, to my surprise, actually took Celestia up on her offer and began using both front hooves in his attempt to bring the princess's own down.

But Celestia still hadn't stopped grinning, and even though I'm not particularly close to the competition, I am fairly sure that her hoof isn't budging.

"And now the fun has been doubled!" I hear Celestia cry out.

For some reason, this strange phrase causes the other guards to all stop their cheering and stare at her.  And then they all start booing at her.

Celestia is of course unaffected by this, and if anything, her grin just grows even wider.

Her opponent suddenly and without warning begins using his horn to magically put even more power behind his hooves.  I am pretty sure that this is blatant cheating, but the guy clearly needs all the help he can get.  The others renew their cheering, even louder than before, strangely.  And, yup, Celestia still hasn't stopped grinning at the fool.

He finally pulls his hoof away in surrender, eliciting a moan of disappointment from his peers.  Almost immediately, another one steps forward and takes his seat.

And the whole process starts over again.

This guy doesn't have any more success than the last one.

And now both he and the previous guard are hoof wrestling Celestia at once.

Celestia appears to be delighted at this development.

"You're going to need more than that!" she cries at them.

Oh, by chaos, now she's actually taunting them.

Another guard joins the battle.  And then another and another and another and another and another and holy cerulean cotton candy cookies how the hay is Celestia still standing?

Suddenly Celestia pulls away and the group of guards breaks apart.  Wait, did they actually manage to take her down?  Oh, no wait, there was somepony being swallowed up by the mob that they were suffocating under all of their bodies.  Everyone else is helping the fellow to his feet and asking if he is alright, even Celestia.

I turn to look at Twilight, who is already staring back at me with a shocked expression.

"You know," I say slowly, "if I actually relied on physical prowess to fight, I would actually be a little bit scared of your teacher at this point."

"I had no idea she was that strong."

"Unless she was cheating too," I realize.  "She didn't seem to be using any active spells, but I am almost positive that her regalia is enchanted, but I have no idea what with.  So there is no telling how much of that was actually her."

"Still...  Yikes."

"Yeah...  But, you know, that was pretty funny too, the way that she showed up her entire guard like that.  I like it.  She should act like that more often."

I hear a cheer from below, and take a look.

Oh, its just the guards all being happy that their buddy is fine.

Celestia has started speaking to them, but now that they aren't all shouting, I can't hear what she is saying from here.

Suddenly I can hear her just fine when she loudly declares, "A fine idea!  I will speak to captain Brackenhund!"

She walks away toward the helm.

"What was that about?" I ask.

"Discord, if you would just be patient and watch, I'm sure you will find out."

I watch as Celestia approaches the captain.  Their conversation doesn't last long, and when its over, a piece of deck next to Brackenhund drops out like a trapdoor and some sort of metal thing comes rising out of the hole with a lever and a few buttons on it.

"What?" I ask in confusion.

"Uhhhh..." says Twilight, obviously just as surprised as I am at this.

The captain taps one of the buttons and hear a rumbling noise from behind the ship.

"What in the name of chaos is going on here?" I cry out, the noise still going all the while.

"Let's go see?" proposes Twilight.

"Of course we're going to go see!"

I get the blimp into motion and steer it toward the rear of the ship.  It doesn't take long to see what is causing the noise, even before we're behind the ship.

"Why is the hull of the rear of the ship opening up?" I ask.

Twilight doesn't even answer me.

We race to get behind the ship, and when we get there, I can see exactly what's going on.

I can see that the sections of the ship where the hull retracted from is filled with some sort of machinery, and there are four giant propeller arrays that are being pushed out of the interior of the frigate into the water.

"Huh." I declare in deadpan.  "I'm not easily impressed, but that's impressive."

"I had no idea that the Negotiator could do that!" cries Twilight.

The propeller arrays, now fully immersed into the water, suddenly kick on, and almost right away the ship starts moving away.

"Um, Twilight, I think we are going to need more thrust," I say as I begin the process of lifting the blimp higher into the sky.

"I think you are right," she answers back.  She lights her horn up and flips the magic engine in our own craft on.

As the blimp starts to rise above the Negotiator, I see that the unicorns amongst the guard are retracting the sails of the ship.  I realize then that they are doing that because the sails are actually going to slow them down if they don't.

The ship is rapidly getting away from us, and I let Twilight know this.

"I am aware, Discord!" she says in frustration.  "We can't accelerate as fast as they appear to be!  What in Celestia's name did they do to that boat, I mean it has got to be the fastest thing on water, holy hearthswarming!"

Fortunately, the ship seems to reach top speed quickly enough, and even though we are way behind, I think that we are catching up.  There is an awful lot of wind going past us though, and this blimp is pretty far from aerodynamic.

"Are we catching up to them?" I ask Twilight, loudly to make myself heard over the wind.

"It looks like it, but only barely.  We have our engine at full power."

"You know, I think the Princess pulled a fast one on us for once, and she still doesn't actually even know that we're here!"

"How does it feel?" asks Twilight.

"To be honest?  I actually rather like it that she is making this so interesting!" I say with a grin.

With time, we eventually catch back up to the Negotiator and equalize our speed with it.  And then I hear Twilight gasp.

"What have they done now?" I ask eagerly, looking down at the ship.

"It's not them, It's them!" says Twilight, motioning with her hoof.

I follow Twilight's motions to the sides of the boat, and then I see what she is so excited about.

There is a pod of dolphins swimming alongside the ship, apparently fast enough to keep up.  They are swimming just under the surface, but as I am watching I see that they are all taking turns doing little leaps out of the water, as though they are begging for the attention of the ships passengers.

"Do they know that the princess is on that ship?" I ask in confusion.

"I don't think so, its not like they can actually see who is on the deck before they actually come and look over the sides."

Twilight is right, the passengers on the Negotiator have taken notice and are running to the edge to watch the spectacle.

One of the dolphins disappears into the depths.  I was starting to wonder where it had gone when suddenly it came shooting way up out of the water and did a three-sixty spin in the air before splashing back into the ocean again.

"They're just doing this for fun?"

"I guess so!  This is so neat!" cried Twilight in happiness.

The other dolphins seem to take turns doing flips for their audience.  Celestia appears to have taken her cushion and seated herself along the railing and is resting her chin on it while admiring the show.

"I know that you weren't expecting this to happen," says Twilight, and I turn my head and see that she has taken a moment to look away from the dolphins and at me instead, "but I still have to thank you for taking me to this fantastic show.  It's perfect."  She leans her head into me in such a way that she can continue to watch.

I wrap an arm around Twilight even as I come to a startling realization.

I'm going to have to thank Celestia later for setting us up with another date.





The dolphin show lasted for at least an hour.  Unfortunately for me, their repertoire of tricks was somewhat limited, so I honestly found it to be a tad boring after a little bit, but Twilight was perfectly happy to watch all the while, and that was good enough for me.

But now, without apparent ceremony, all of the dolphins turned straight around and swam away from the ship.

"Oh, that's disappointing," said Twilight.  "I suppose they must have gotten tired."

"It looks like Celestia's guard is disappointed too," I mention uneasily.

Wait, why am I uneasy?

Having consciously asked myself this, I quickly realize why.  There is another source of magic in the area, but it is completely foreign to me.  Somehow.

"What is that...?" I mutter.

"Huh?" says Twilight.  "What's what?"

I ignore her for a moment and focus on the new magic.  It's... underwater?  And... oh dear me, its probably quite powerful too.

"Twilight!" I say, suddenly very serious and speaking urgently.  "Something is wrong!  Something is coming!"

"Huh!" cries Twilight in bewilderment.  "What are you talking about?  What's coming?"

"I don't know!" I cry in frustration.

Suddenly a loud noise pierces through the air.  It sounds like a mare singing some slow, drawn out garbage.

My insides squirm as I realize that I have encountered this magic before, albeit a long, long time ago.

"Oh crud." I deadpan.

Suddenly the propellers on the ship sputter and die, and the Negotiator rapidly decelerates.

All of the ponies have figured out something is wrong by now too.  Celestia is really shouting her head off.

But the ordinarily obedient and rapid to respond guard aren't reacting to any of this at all.  They're all just standing around at the edge of the ship like zombies.  And the ship's dedicated crew too, captain included.

A giant green serpentine figure erupts from the water, its maw still wide open and emitting that freakin' siren song.  Water rains down from her body everywhere as the ocean around her settles again from the sudden intrusion.  Her scales are almost iridescent, and as I look at the enormous creature that is half the height of Celestia's ship, a sense of dread fills my heart.

She finally stops singing that terrible garbage she calls music and stares down at the ship, the masts being the only part that challenges her size, even though she is coiled up in the air like a snake preparing to strike, and they are thin and appear pathetic in comparison.

She speaks a single word with a voice that seems to echo in my ears.  "You..."

Celestia starts to shout something back at the creature in the royal canterlot voice (A rarity for her, to be sure), but I suddenly realize that while my crazy anatomy makes me immune to her song, Twilight would not have that luxury.  I look down to the pony still in my grasp and-

"Discord, what is that thing?" Twilight whispers in utter horror.

"How did you-" I begin, but then I cut myself off.  It doesn't matter right now, I should just be thankful that Twilight doesn't seem to be under that thing's spell.  "Never mind.  That's a siren, Twilight."

"What's a siren?"

"It's a creature that can use their voice to enchant others into doing their bidding!"

Some of the color drains from Twilight's face.

"Oh no!"

"Oh no?"  I cry at her.  "That's an understatement!  If I had my powers back, that stupid fish would be sorry, but..."

I let that hang in the air.

"Discord, I have to get down there and help the Princess!"

"Ugh, right!" I cry, suddenly feeling very meek.  Together we set the blimp in motion.

"I don't think I can be of any help to you, you realize," I say to her as we drop down toward the ship.

"Maybe, maybe not, but either way, I am going to the princess!"

Now that Twilight and I have stopped talking, I catch what the siren and Celestia are saying.

"You will do as I say and lower your defenses against my song," stated the giant monster, "because they are already under my control.  If you defy me, I'll order them all to jump into the water.  And, furthermore, if Celestia attacks me, I order you all to jump into the water.  And if you, Celestia, attempt to safeguard even one of them from me, I'll order them to jump in the water.  You will probabily be able to save a lot of them, but you won't save them all."

Celestia doesn't answer immediately, but Twilight does.

"What did it just say!?

She scrambles for the altitude control and forces the blimp into a stop.

"You wouldn't!" cries Celestia.

"Normally, no, I wouldn't," answered the siren's booming voice.  "Normally I just simply take control of every pony on board and take them away to worship me, But, I must confess that I originally had no idea that you were on board this vessel.  You clearly have some form of protection from my song, and I am no fool.  I am very much aware that I cannot get away from you now, and that I cannot beat she who raises the very sun in a fight.  So I do what I have to ensure my victory and continued freedom."

"You are a monster."

"I am a queen," answers back the siren, having taken no offense to the petty insult.

"A queen of subjects with no free will!" shouted Celestia.

The siren shrugged.  "That suits me just fine."

Celestia stayed silent.

"Twilight," I say nervously.  "You know those miraculous solutions that you always do to save the day?  You've got one of those ready, right?"

"No!  I can't interfere now!  You heard what she said would happen if I do!"

"You will regret this!" shouted Celestia spitefully.

"I very well might," the siren agreed, to my surprise.  Normally giant monsters are dumber than that.  "I have stayed safe for this long by never allowing myself to grow over-ambitious, and staying away from your gazing eyes.  But here you are out in the middle of the ocean, away from your home and in the middle of mine, all alone.  Even had I known you were here, I dare say I would have come for you anyway.  The advantage is mine."

I feel a pulse of magic from Celestia, but nothing seems to happen.

"Wait," I say.  "Did she just-"

"Do it!" cries Celestia.

The siren starts singing that infernal song once again.

Twilight starts screaming in panic.  "Princess!  Princess, no!"

The song ends as quickly as it began.

"There," declares the siren in satisfaction.  "Now was that so hard, Celestia?"

"I live to serve, Lady Lento."

I blink in astonishment.

"No!  NOOO" screams Twilight, squirming in my arms.

"Did that siren just do what I never could do and defeat Celestia?" I ask.

"Discord, this isn't the time for that!" bellows Twilight.  "My mentor, my oldest friend in the world just got brainwashed into serving an evil creature!"

"So let me get this straight.  That siren, who Celestia called Lady Lento, just defeated Celestia."

"Yes, Discord, we just went over that!"

"But," I continue, "the only reason that she was able to was because she threatened the ponies that Celestia was with?"

"Yes!  The wretched thing is despicable!"

"Yeah she is, I never resorted to that kind of malevolence even in my most spiteful fantasies about getting revenge!"

"Celestia!" cries the Siren.  "I want you to encase this vessel in a magic seal that will keep the air in and then follow me into the depths.  Are you capable of doing that?"

"Of course, Lady," came Celestia's sickeningly cordial reply.

Celestia's horn lit up with a literal boatload of power and a gargantuan yellow sphere of magic rose up around her and spread out, enveloping the entire ship.  And then the sphere began to sink down into the water, pulling the Negotiator down with it, although thankfully the ponies on board appeared to be safe from drowning, as magic shield was acting as a sort of air pocket that the sea water would not fill.  I realized that this moment was one the likes of which I was unlikely to see again, prompting me to grab the camera with my free claws and holding it up toward the scene.  I mashed the take-a-picture button about... twelve times or so.  Finally the creature known as Lady Lento gave a satisfied nod and then dived down into the water, disappearing.  The entire ship submerged entirely into the ocean and the water filled in the space which the shield had occupied.  Although the shield did give off a radiant yellow light even underwater, it rapidly sank away so that it was impossible to see any more.

Twilight cried throughout the entire thing.

"And to top it all off," I said in a monotone voice, "Celestia, who is apparently under Lento's complete control, still has all of her magic power, and just pulled the entire Negotiator underwater, and we don't know where they went."

Twilight's crying escalates to howling sobs at this point.

I realize that I probably should be doing something to comfort her.  I try patting her in a comforting manner, but it just seems awkward.  But that's not the only thing I can do.

"Oh no, no no no no no, we're not having this.  Nobody," I suddenly scream at the top of my lungs,  "messes with Celestia, except me!  Twilight, there's no need for tears.  Not when we can be doing something about it!"

"What can we do!?" screams Twilight.  "Even if I had all of my friends and the elements of harmony here with me, it wouldn't do any good because we don't know where they went, and even if we knew where they went and had the ability to get there, we can't do anything to Lento because she will just order Celestia to fight us, and if we try to use the elements on Celestia, Lento will interfere, and if we use them on Lento, Celestia will interfere, and we can't keep either one of them distracted because I would have to use the elements on whoever isn't being distracted, which means that I can't do the distracting, and I wouldn't be able to stand up to Celestia or Lento by myself anyway, and you can't do it either!"

"Right.  Because I don't have any magic."

"Exactly!  You don't have your-"

Twilight cut herself off and looked up at me.  I waved my clawed hand at her in a motion that indicated 'continue'.

"But we can get your magic back!" Twilight cried out in realization.  "We can go back and get it right now!  And then the instant you get it back..."

"I can kick that siren's flanks," I finished.

"But what about Princess Celestia?" cried Twilight.

I thought about it for a second.

"Actually, I just realized that we're going to have to talk to Luna to get my powers back, and when we tell her what just happened, whew, she is going to be mad!  At the siren, obviously, not us.  Anyway, she'll be rearing for a fight.  I'm sure that she'd be willing to help us out."

"You're right.  You're right!  That could actually work!  If we leave right now, we can make it back to Manehatten in just over an hour and take the train to Canterlot.  I'll ensure the train moves as fast as it possibly can go and we should be able to reach the palace by this evening!  Once we get your powers back, you can teleport everybody right back here with just a snap!  I...  I just wish that this plan didn't involve leaving Celestia under that creature's power for half of a day..."

"It's the best plan we've got," I remind her.  "Don't worry, Lento isn't going to hurt her.  There is, however, the possibility that she will abuse Celestia's power somehow.  Oh, and Twilight, we won't actually need anypony else to help us.  You've got me!"

"Maybe..." says Twilight hesitantly.  "But either way, we should really get moving!"

We both scramble to get this blimp the heck out of here.
> Back in Business
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The train ride back was completely uneventful.  After Twilight invoked Celestia's authority by virtue of being her personal student (authority that she apparently doesn't technically have, but the engineer doesn't know that) we found ourselves simply waiting in a car with nothing to do.  The mood was far too dark and serious to play games or cuddle or anything like that.  Twilight insisted that we should try to get some rest while we could, despite the fact that we probably would have a hard time doing so.

She was right too.  I didn't sleep at all.  I was too mad.  Although, to be honest with myself, I was also a little bit excited too.  Not only was I about to get my powers back, but I get to show a giant monster what's what, and nopony will even get mad at me for it!

After getting off the train at the station, Twilight and I ran through the streets of the city so hurriedly that I could barely think about anything except ensuring that we didn't get separated.  Ponies kept getting in our way.  To my slight amusement, Twilight was spouting 'sorry' to everypony around us the entire way.

Getting through the palace turned out to be easy.  Everypony apparently knows Twilight there, and they all just let her go wherever she wants.

It turns out that Luna is eating at the moment, specifically, breakfast, at least for her.

As soon as we barreled through the door to the royal dining room and saw Luna's shocked face staring back at us, Twilight started shouting.

"Princess Luna!  I hate to interrupt your breakfast, but we there is really big trouble, and I brought proof!"

Twilight smacked a photograph of the Negotiator being pulled under the ocean down onto the table in front of the night princess.  A picture taken by yours truly, I must add.

Luna waved down the guards in the room, wiped something off of her muzzle with wide eyes and stared down at the picture.

"By the moon, what in Equestria is occurring here?!  She cried in confusion.  "That is a siren, is it not?"

"It is, but that's not the worst of it!"  Twilight cried.  "You see how the Negotiatior is surrounded by a yellow magic barrier and being pulled under the water?  I hate to be blunt, but the siren has enchanted your sister!"

"Nay!" cried Luna in shock, her bowl of whatever it is that she was eating forgotten.  "What you say cannot be!  My sister and I are adept at protecting ourselves from such magic in the blink of an eye!  How could a siren possibly breach her defenses?"

"It threatened to hurt her guard," explained Twilight.  "The only way to stop that from happening was to voluntarily allow herself to be enchanted!"

"Why does fate conspire against us so?" Luna wonders.  "Even when my sister and I seek to avoid such troubles, trouble finds us all the same.  We must take action," said Luna gravely.

"Princess!" cried one of the guards.  "We are yours to command.  What are your orders!"

"My orders are for you to leave this room and station yourselves elsewhere.  I care not where."

The guards gave each other several looks, but immediately obeyed.

"I must attend to this matter myself," said Luna.  "There will be no argument against the fact."

"Actually, I was hoping that you would say that," said Twilight.

"Twilight, thou must understand that we shall be throwing ourselves into extreme peril.  Before we took the form of the nightmare, we were my sister's equal.  But after thou and thy friends freed us, I was left in a most vulnerable state, my power greatly diminished.  It is coming back with time, but I have not made a full recovery.  Even with thou lending me your aid, we cannot match my sister's magic, to say nothing of the siren.  We require thy friends' assistance to use the elements of harmony to force our sister to return to her senses, but I require time to formulate a plan in which subterfuge shall replace raw strength.  With my sister on the side of our enemy, it will have to be a very well thought out plan."

"Actually..." Twilight began nervously.  "I think I know of one more... individual who can help.  I need you to help us by give my friend his power back.  With his help, I think we can match even Princess Celestia."

Luna narrowed her eyes at Twilight.  "This is a bold claim, Twilight.  I trust that thou would not dare exaggerate or make jokes with my sister in such peril."

"I wouldn't dream of it," said Twilight.  "Trust me.  You won't regret it."

Luna held her head up high.  "We do trust you, Twilight Sparkle, and we have not forgotten our promise to do this very thing.  If thou insist that this shall help us, then we shall do as you say.  Come!  We must make haste for my sister's university!"

"Celestia's School for Magical Unicorns?" said Twilight, seeking confirmation.

"Indeed.  Thy friend's magic is unstable in it's nature and it requires the constant attention of those educated in high magics to contain it.  A handful of the school's best were sworn to secrecy and are acting as keepers in a secure location.  I shall take you there."

"Shouldn't we just teleport there?" asked Twilight in confusion.

"Nay.  We cannot teleport your friend, and thou must save thy strength."





A few minutes later, I find myself approaching the campus security building at Celestia's school, and suddenly I feel it.  Magic.  Chaos magic.  Mine.  After all this time, I'm really going to get it back.  And it has been here the whole time.  The sensation of my power is so shocking after being separated from it for so long that I probably would stop following Luna and Twilight and just revel in the sensation if I wasn't in such a hurry.  The inside of the building isn't anything noteworthy.  The only part that is accessible to the public is a customer service desk, in fact.

"We require access to the vault beneath our hooves!" states Luna to the sole security guard at the desk at this hour, who was reading the paper and drinking a coffee.

He sputters some of his coffee out and looks at the Princess in shock.

"Yes, of course Princess!" he says, scrambling to his hooves.  He opens up a door to let us behind the desk.  He then leads us down a hallway, passing several rooms of no importance.  Offices, by the look of them.  As we turn a corner, I am slightly surprised to see two of Celestia's royal guard guarding a door with no windows to look through to see what's on the other side.  I am not surprised though when our security guard friend takes us directly to them.

The two guards stand at attention.

"I'm not allowed down there," says the security guard.  "I don't even know what's down there actually.  So I guess this is as far as I can take you."

Luna nods at the stallion.  "Very well.  Thank you for the help.  You may be dismissed."  She then turns back to the two guards.  "We require entrance to the chamber below."

To my shock, the guards don't move a muscle.

"Did thou not hear my words?" cried Luna in frustration.  "Give us entry through this door or I shall be forced to put you both to sleep and report-  Oh, my mistake," said Luna blushing.  I stare in confusion, and the guards are just standing their sweating in their uniforms, terrified out of their minds most likely.  "Forgive me, it slipped my mind that you require a pass sign.  This is slightly embarrassing."

Luna then just sits down right on the spot.

"You may enter," the guards both say, their relief obvious.

"That's the pass sign?" cried Twilight, giving voice to my confusion as well, not to say that I don't find it amusing.

"Apparently it is.  I'll admit, it is not something that anypony trying to force entry is likely to do."

"I suppose..."

The doorway leads to a flight of stairs that go down into the ground.

So this is where they hid my powers, eh? I think to myself.  I have to wonder if I would have ever figured it out on my own.  And how I would have gotten in here on my own.  I'm sure I would have thought of something, of course.

As we descend the startlingly long stairs, I suddenly realize that I can hear weird music coming from below.

What in the world are they doing down there?

I am walking behind Luna and Twilight so as to not get in their way with my invisibleness, so I don't get to see what's in the room before they do when Luna pulled the door at the bottom of these stairs in.

"What in Equestria?" cries Twilight, which I can barely hear over the music which just got much louder when the door opened.

Luna is just standing in the doorway.  I wish I could see her expression.

"Come on!" I cry impatiently.  "My magic sense is positively screaming at me, we're so close!  What's the hold-up?"

"Princess Luna!" I hear.  "This is an... unexpected visit.  If anypony, I was expecting the Princess who set this all up.  I take it you aren't here to join in the party?"

"We're afraid not, Mrs. Clandestine.  We must admit, our sister's notes did little to prepare us for... this."

"Professor Clandestine?" cried Twilight in surprise.  She eagerly stepped forward and Luna, taking the hint, stepped fully into the room and allowed Twilight to pass.  "I haven't seen you since I moved to Ponyville!"

With the Princess and my marefriend out of the way, I can see clearly into the room beyond.

"Hold on," I cry out.  "I thought that was a joke.  Are you ponies literally having a party in there?"

I push my way into the room.  I take a glancing look at Professor Clandestine, but she's just an unfamiliar white unicorn with a grey mane to me.  Rather boring.  I turn my attention to my far more colorful surroundings.

And then I stare at them.

Not what I was expecting.

The room is actually not very big.  It is very rectangular and about five times wider than it is deep.  But the room is painted in red plaid with green stripes and along one of the long walls is a big glass window.  It doesn't have to be transparent for me to know what's in there though.

I stare at the swirling blob of purple and black energy with lightning streaking through it.  It's writhing inside the isolated chamber which is coated in white and yellow swirls.  The floor is flooded with about two feet of water, and there appears to be a unicorn stallion garbed in a striped swim suit sitting in a boat floating in that water.  He's paddling around aimlessly and, I can barely hear from behind this glass, singing some terrible sea shanty.

I'm here!  I've made it!  I have selected the means by which that I would reach this point and... I am utter delighted right now.

"My chaos!  My beautiful, beautiful- Holy candy cane clowns, what is that smell?" I cry aloud.

I whirl around and realize that on one side of the room is a table just piled with pizza boxes.

"They're literally having a party in here," I deadpan.

"Allow me to introduce my... I suppose colleages doesn't really describe the circumstance, accomplices shall I say?" says the professor pony.  This here is-"

"DJ PON3?!" cries Twilight in surprise.

I look at the opposite end of the room and see that there is a bunch of sound equipment set up over there with a blue maned and white coated mare with purple goggles or something over eyes and headphones over her ears.  She looks up from messing with some potentiometers on her sound board and waves.  Er, I meant sliders!  Wow, I've been hanging around Miss Science for too long.

"Princess Celestia requested her assistance in this project because we have need of somepony with her talents," says Professor Clandestine.

"And who is that?" asks Twilight, approaching the glass wall.

The professor walks to her side and stares down at the odd character paddling around in the water.

"That would be Chuckle Chanty.  A student here at the school.  He's working with us for- ugh, I can't believe I'm saying this... extra credit."

"Extra credit?" I ask in confusion.  "What kind of extra credit could you possibly- Ugh, Twilight, ask them what they're doing to my magic!"

I turn back to look at my cloud of magic.  After all, it is the reason I'm here in the first- oh cinnamon sticks it's moving toward me.

That is most excellent!  Reacquiring my power will be even easier than I thought.

It occurs to me that this is going to cause quite a fuss, having the magic disappear like this, but...

That's fine with me!

"Err..." Twilight began.  The professor looked to her expectantly.  I'm guessing neither of them have noticed anything wrong yet, but I don't know for sure.  I'm too busy staring at the cloud of chaos magic floating in my direction.  "What exactly is the goal of this, er, project?"

The professor hesitates for a second.  "You came here with Princess Luna and you don't know?  Our primary goal is to keep the- ah, er... the... um... the magic... contained.  The secondary objective is to study it, but we haven't been able to do very much of that.  The magic is extremely unstable-"

*SNORT!*  "HAHAHAHAHA!"

That came from me.  Couldn't help it.  Nopony else but Twilight heard that, of course.

"and although it doesn't seem to cause any real damage to anything or anypony it comes into contact with, we have Chuckle Chanty to thank for that little 'discovery', we can't get any consistent readings on it with our instruments.  Or rather, we can, right up until we think we've figured something out.  And then it changes.  I swear, it has a mind of it's own, and it toys with us if we try to make any sense of it.  The only study that is fairly reliable is purely observational.  Obviously, it seems drawn to acts of chaos.  Hence the circus."

My chaos magic is in right in front of the window now.  That stallion actually fell out of his boat in his scrambling panic, but the sound of his struggle isn't reaching us in here.  But... hmm, yes, the chaos magic is just hovering directly in front of the window now.  It's not going anywhere now, just swirling and stirring in place.

...  I feel like it's looking at me.

"It's obvious that the magic is drawn to acts of chaos?" says Twilight in surprise.  "How do you know that?"

"Because- er..."

There is a long moment of pause.  I continue to gaze at the magic in front of me, and it gazes back.

Okay, is it actually looking at me, or am I just crazy?  It could be some sort of involuntary reaction to my presence.  You know, I've never thought about this before, or at least I don't remember thinking about it before, but I wonder if it, deep down, has a mind of it's own.  The elements of harmony certainly do, for sure.  I'm almost positive that it isn't their wielders who decide what effect they have.

Okay! I speak in my head, in a sarcastic squeaky voice, speaking for the possible consciousness of the elements of harmony.  So Luna's been a bad girl, and we have to keep her from going nuts, so lets put her on the moon for, oh, lets say a thousand years?  Yeah, that sounds good!  The time out won't teach her anything, but at least Celestia can feel horrible about the whole thing for all that time while she puts together a team of ponies to save her!  Because she'll need about a thousand years to do that, obviously.  Oh, you want to know why she isn't going to be turned into a statue like mean old Discord?  Well, obviously she deserves to at least still be able to MOVE!

Or, wait.  Was Lulu trapped on the moon in such a way where she could move?  I was never actually told.  There were a bunch of craters in the shape of her head on it while she was there.  Did they turn her into some sort of disembodied face for a thousand years?  Forced to stare at the world all the time?  Oh CHAOS, she might have had it even worse than I did!

Actually, come to think of it, as far as I can tell, the elements of harmony intended to leave me trapped in that statue for the rest of eternity.  It was actually Celestia's willing decision to let me out.

You know, I hate to admit it, but I think that the degree of animosity that I have for Celestia might be slightly overdone.  At least some of the blame falls on those elements.

Did this never occur to me before?  If it did, it obviously didn't stick.

"The magic, it has moved!" cries Luna in alarm.  I turn around and look at her.  "Twilight!" she continues.  "Is this in your plan?"

"Discord!" cries Twilight in alarm, now paying full attention to me.  "What's happening?"

"I am Discord, the lord of chaos.  I don't have to wait for you all to give me the okay to take back what is irrefutably mine.  You ponies have done an admittedly better job than expected in keeping it contained, but unlike them, I am in full control of my powers.  Not to worry, I am not going to hurt anypony."

A panel of the wall between this room and the containment room opens up.  Apparently a sort of hidden doorway painted over with the same paintjob as the rest of the room.  The Chuckle Chanty stallion stumbles in.  He is soaking wet and water is still gushing out of his coat and onto the ground.

"Professor!" he cries in panic.  "The weird magic stopped dancing and is drifting away!  Wait, Princess Luna?"

"Everything is under control," says Twilight nervously, "but I think we should keep away from it, just in case!"

I just shrug at her, noting how everypony seems to be taking her advice to heart.  Quickly.  I turn back to my magic.

I reach out with both of my hands and 'flex' parts of my body that haven't actually functioned in about two weeks.

"We have work to do, old friend," I say to it.

The cloud of chaos magic jumps straight through the glass as though it isn't there and surges up my arms, and then it's surging through my eye sockets and my mouth and then my everywhere and all I can see right now is purpley black stuff and oh ice-cream cantaloupe crepes this is like being electrocuted, but in an great way!

Suddenly I can see again and I feel like I'm floating in the air.  I feel like I'm about to explode with power.  Which, I suppose, is hardly surprising, since my body has been getting used to the sensation of being completely magicless for the last two weeks only for me to instantaneously once again become the most powerful magic users in the entire world.

Oh, hmm, actually, I wasn't just imagining that 'floating in the air bit'.  And I didn't even do that consciously.  Fascinating!

"Where did the magic go?" cried the Professor.

"Discord!" Twilight cries out in frustration.  "We didn't even get the chance to explain to them what was going to happen!"

"Oh, how I have missed this feeling!" I cry in euphoria, ignoring Twilight and throwing my arms up in the air.  I prepare my paw for a snap.

"Discord!"

I realize that unless I want Twilight to be even more upset than she probably is going to be already, I need to at least explain myself.

"It couldn't be helped, Twi, and that's the honest truth.  The chaos was being contained by what was basically the equivalent of a ferrite magnet, but when I came along, I was like a neodymium magnet in comparison."

"How do you even know about that?" cried Twilight in bewilderment.

"I have no idea!"

I let the snap go, and I feel the oh-so-missed sensation of disembodiment take me as I transform into a bundle of fireworks and immediately launch in all directions and explode myself all over the place.

I hear cries of confusion from every pony present.

I pull myself back together and rematerialize my body.

"Hold up, surely you all can't see me now right, I mean, we didn't even fix the stupid node!"

"I'm not the only one who saw these crazy flashing lights just now, am I?" asks Chuckle Chanty.

I sigh.  "Oh well, that's a problem to deal with later."

I turn to Twilight and see her face.  I don't think she is amused.

"Okay, I'm sorry about this, Twi, but honestly, if I didn't do something chaotic the instant I got my powers back, I think I would have exploded, or something.  You stay here and do some damage control, I'll be right back."

I ready a teleportation.  Destination: that one part of the ocean where I last saw Celestia and Lady Lento.

*SNAP*





I find myself surrounded by darkness.  I can hear the slight noises of the ocean below me, but I can't see very much in the moonlight.

"Of course it's nighttime," I say to myself, feeling oddly compelled to talk aloud to myself when nopony else is around to hear me talk.  I've grown used to having constant company, it appears.  "We spent all day on that dreadfully dull train."

Who am I talking to?

"Well, I can fix this whole talking to myself thing right here and now!"

I snap and create another copy of myself.

I put my hands up to my face and cup them together and put them over my face, like binoculars.  This allows me to see in night vision.

"Anything around here?" My other self ask as I looking around.

"Not really, just water, water, everywhere.  Go figure."

What do I do at this point?

Oh, right, I see what I can sense with my magic senses!

HOLY CHAOS, I can sense MILES AND MILES!

I fall over in shock.

I feel me pick myself up, and then he lightly slaps me in the face.

"What are you getting so worked up about?" he asks disdainfully.  "We have a job to do, and if you keep stumbling at simple things, you might not be paying attention when you really should be!"

"You mean like that ordeal with the elements turning me into stone?" I ask.

"Obviously."

Okay, aside from me being rather rude to myself about the matter, this is actually really great!  Ordinarily I wouldn't even blink at that fact, but being deprived of magic over the past two weeks has made realize how unbelievably fantastic I am all over again.  THIS is the way things should have been all long, right here!

Okay, now, I didn't really get much a feel for that siren's magic, but I know Celestia's magical signature like the back of my own nostrils.

I'm not even exaggerating, the pose that I was trapped in for AGES AND AGES nearly left me staring up my own freakin' nose for an eternity.

I reach out with my sense into the mass of strange magics in the ocean.  This shouldn't be too hard.  Celestia's magic is both so unique and so powerful, she should stand out like a beacon.

Yep, I've got her!  Now I go turn that siren into cheese.

Maybe.  Actually, perhaps I should go with a more gouda idea.

Doesn't matter.  I'll figure it out when I get there.

I vanish my other self for now.

Aaaaand teleport!

"Whoa."

I look around at this place I threw myself into.

I'm in the middle of some sort of a weird town made entirely out of fancy masonry.  It's also very busy here, some sort of parade.  There are ponies marching down the streets carrying statues and paintings of-

Ugh.  Lento.  Of course.

To make matters worse, they are all fighting each other about who has the best rendition of the great Lento or some garbage.  Is this seriously what sirens make their victims do all the time?

Actually, probably not, if I'm being honest with myself.  They seem to be celebrating Lento's 'glorious' triumph over Celestia and the other ponies on board the Negotiator, and I can't imagine that that is something that happens every day.

Bleugh, this needs a mega-dose of chaos, instantly.

Except I really should take care of Celestia first.

Where is Celestia anyway?  I should have teleported exactly e squared meters away from her.

Oh, there she is, carrying a massive marble divan lounge thingy with a giant red cushion.

Not to mention the enormously huge siren laying atop it and-

Oh no, seriously, there's a giant building on top of a hill coated in silver and gold behind her.

And the rest of these buildings are embellished with squat.

I wonder what that place is?

I'm being sarcastic.  If that isn't some sort of a castle or something for the local tyrant, I'll eat my hat.

I can totally do that now.

Where are we, anyway?

I fly way up high to get a good view.

Hmm, it turns out that this is an island.  An island in the middle of nowhere.  I guess there isn't some sort of crazy underwater kingdom or anything like that, but I do have to wonder why Lento made Celestia submerge an entire frigate into the water.  Perhaps Lento was afraid that Celestia's boat wasn't alone and that there might still be others around, unseen.  She was right of course, although the funny thing is that not even Celestia knew that we were there.  If that was the reason, it didn't do the fool siren any good in the end, not when she's up against me.

All very interesting indeed.  Most of these ponies have probably lived here for years.  Not nearly as long as I was stuck in that darned statue, but I actually feel really bad for them.  Of course, their hypnotic queen is about to go bye-bye, so there is that.

In fact, I should really just get on with it.

I teleport back to Celestia's position.  Naturally, she has no idea that anything is even amiss.

I consider her for a moment.

I wonder if I can actually free her from the siren's control with my magic?  It's probably safe to say that my experience in combating siren magic is next to none.  I suppose there's only one way to find out.

I snap.

My whole vision goes white.

A sharp pain stabs through my head.

The white vision passes in a flash, as does the annoying head pain, and Celestia looks alarmed.

"Lady, something is amiss," she says.

You have GOT to be kidding me!

I quickly snap to turn Celestia into a living but immobile topiary, but this results in the same magical backlash.

Okay, so apparently Celestia really got annoyed that I got past her spells protecting the elements before and actually managed to figure out a way to block my magic this time.  That's not good.

Ugh, chaos and now Lento is singing another siren song, make my head rattle why don't you.  I also transform myself into a foal's rattle just because I can, even though I know nobody will see the joke.

I snap and turn the siren into a giant living jelly roll.

"ARGH!"

Or, rather, I try to!  Are you serious, more backlash!

I reach out with my magic sense in frustration and realize that of course Celestia has on a thick coat of magical defenses as normal, but modified with some sort of metaphorical mesh that's keeping my magic from taking hold!  AND she's cast the same protective spells on the infernal creature that her brainwashed mind considers superior.

Well this is a fine mess!  Celestia actually did somehow manage to figure out how to shield herself from my magic!  And I can't cast any sort of instant-effect magic on her OR Lento!  This is utterly ridiculous!  Out of everyone in Equestria, I just HAD to get the one and only creature who found a way resist my powers!

Of course, just because my magic can't even begin to take hold when I try to turn them into stuff doesn't mean I can't throw stuff AT them.  If I throw enough magic at them, I could certainly overload the magic Celestia is using to defend them, but if I do that, it will probabily hurt Celestia, even if I throw magic at Lento.

What do I do?  ...  Seriously, what can I do?  Wow, darn it to tartarus, I can't actually even DO anything!  I mean, I could probably get the other ponies away from here, but that would just alarm Lento even more and who KNOWS what sort of crazy thing she'll make Celestia use her powers for in order to get them back.  I'll actually have to leave everything and everyone here alone and go get Twilight's help, and her friends', and Luna's!

Ugh, well this little rescue attempt ended rather embarrassingly...

I snap and warp back to Twilight's side.

It seems that she is still in the observation room overlooking the holding place of my powers.

"I have to apologize to you on my friend's behalf since he can't tell you himself, but I promise that he didn't mean to be rude, its just that everything right now is such a mess and-" she yelps in surprise when she turns and sees me.

"Twilight, there is a teensy tiny little problem," I say in embarrassment.  "Apparently, Celestia actually managed to figure out how to block my magic, and I can't free her from Lento's control, and I can't do anything to the siren either because Celestia is protecting her.  Even though she can't specifically acknowledge that I exist."

"Wait," says Twilight in alarm.  "So does that mean you can't help after all?"

"I wouldn't say that," I reply, waving my claw and materializing a mango pie, and then pointing at the wall and sending a pulse of momentum into the pie that sends it splatting against the wall.

"I can still throw stuff at them!"

Twilight rubs her forehead with a hoof.

"Discord, I meant something useful!"

"We smell mangos," says Luna conversationally.  "For some reason, we feel as though nothing should surprise us any more."

I give her a surprised look.  "Huh.  Apparently even though she can't see the pie, she can smell it for some reason.  Curious."

"Curious," agrees Twilight, "and, at the moment, irrelevant."  She turns to Luna.

"Apparently my friend ran into some complications.  He can't save Princess Celestia all by himself.  We have to take care of the problem together."

"Of course," says Luna, as if this had been obvious.  "There are a few preparations that I must make, however.  I shall inform your friends of our need of their aid and the elements."

"Why you, Princess?" asks Twilight in surprise.  "Shouldn't that be my job?"

"Twilight Sparkle, in the past you informed me that once you reacquired your friend's power, you would likely be able to find a way to end his affliction.  Is this not so?"

My heart leaps into my throat.

"Princess, are you saying you want me to do this right now?" asks Twilight.  "Aren't there mere pressing matters at hoof?"

"Actually, we believe that it is necessary," says Luna.  "If he cannot undo the siren's magic directly, then he must fill a different roll altogether: a distraction.  He cannot be an effective distraction if nopony can perceive him and his influences.  Furthermore, it is also necessary to communicate with one another as the situation changes, and relaying all messages through you is far too inefficient to be practical.  The solution is clear: You must undo the strange magic afflicting your friend."

Twilight looks toward me with an expression implying that she wants my opinion.

"Luna does have a point, Twi," I say with a shrug.  "At this point, this is a team effort, and I can't be a part of a team that can't see me."

Twilight smiles at me, and then jerks her head back to Luna.

"I won't let you down, Princess!"

I snap and teleport myself wrapped around Twilight like a snake and hold my claws up again, ready to snap once more.

"Wait, wait Discord!" cries Twilight hastily.  I put my arm down.  "Princess Luna, perhaps you can bring my friends to my library, and once we finish with our task, we will meet you all there?"

Luna nods at Twilight.  "It shall be done as you say."

"Okay.  So, there's no time to lose and all, so I guess we'll be on our way."

Ah, there's my cue.

*SNAP*
> A Promise Fullfilled
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

We find ourselves in pitch darkness that I know to be the inside of the cave chamber, previous home to a certain magical node.  And soon to be again, if I have anything to say about it.  I snap once more and fill the room with ambient light.

Twilight looks down at my feet and squeaks in surprise.

"Why do you suddenly have a jackalope with you?" she asks in confusion.  "Are you holding a bowl of carrots?"

"Yep.  I didn't make them either, otherwise he wouldn't be able to see them, but don't worry, I paid for them.  I knew we would need some way of verifying whether the spell is broken, so that's why I brought this fine fellow with us.  The carrots are to keep him occupied in the meantime.  You have to be the one to do it though."  I hold the bowl of carrots out to her.

"I suppose so," she agrees.  She picks a carrot out and holds it out to the jackalope, who immediately forgets about his confusion and swipes it greedily.

"So, how are we supposed to do this?" asks Twilight.  "Do you need my help?"

"Possibly.  I think I can do the first part of it myself.  After that, we'll have to see what we are dealing with."

I walk to the spot where the magic node used to reside and raise my claw and paw up in the air, charged with power.  And then I grasp at the air where the node should be and claw my way at the folds between dimensions, specifically looking for the one where the node almost certainly ran off to.

I think I found it!  I pry at it with my mighty power!

A hole in space opens up where I'm prying at and starts emitting blinding blue light.

"AHA!" I cry in triumph.  "I FOUND YOU, YOU STUPID NODE!  YOU'RE COMING BACK WHERE YOU BELONG, NOW GET IN HERE!"

The rift opens wider and I hold my paw up in front of me and flex it, focusing on the node.  And then I pull my paw back toward myself, beckoning the node along with it.

And, just like that, the node is back inside this dimension.

I release it from my magical grasp and allow the rift to collapse.  The node starts to stir and whirl as it did before after the rift closes.  In fact, it appears to be perfectly back to its old self again.  I turn to Twlight and summon a pogo stick.

"I did it!" I cry in happiness, leaping onto the pogo stick.  "I did it, I did it!"  I keep repeating this line and jumping around.

"There's still a problem though, Discord," says Twilight, and I vanish my pogo stick and look at her from mid-air.

She points at the Jackalope.  He is looking at the node in fascination, but even as I fly up into his face, he obviously still has no idea that I'm here.

I let out a huff.  "Of course.  Here, let me try something."

I snap my claws at the node, but I have a sinking feeling that this isn't going to work.  I never even figured out what exactly the problem was, after all.

I jump back in front of the jackalope and get no reaction.

"Well, we tried," I say, theatrically turning around and lowering myself to the ground before walking toward the exit slumped over in mock disappointment.  "I guess we better go home."

"Discord, come back here," says Twilight sarcastically.  I teleport myself back to her.  "If you just give me a moment, I might be able to figure out how to fix this."

"Perfect!  So how are you going to do it?"

"I don't know yet!"

I don't say anything back at her and she cautiously approaches the node, but stops a short distance away.

She lights up her horn, and then recoils and stops it.

"By Celestia, that's a lot of magic!"

"Celestia doesn't have anything to do with it, I'm pretty sure," I respond.

She does this again, but doesn't recoil this time, and keeps it up for about a minute.  When she stops, she turns to me.

"Anything?" I ask hopefully.

"Not as such, no," she answers slowly.  "I don't suppose that now that you have your powers back, you can use your enhanced magic sense to figure out 'what is broken', so to say?"

"Doesn't do any good," I answer in disappointment.  "Something is definitely off, but I sure can't tell you what it actually is, I still feel like me to me."

"Well, whatever is wrong, I am almost positive that the problem isn't in the node, it's something about you.  There must be some sort of magical effect clinging to you somehow."

"And does this conjecture actually help us any?" I ask skeptically.

"There must be some way that we can diagnose the source of the problem," Twilight muses.  "Some different manner of viewing the problem in such a way that it is easier to understand it."

"Like what?"

"You did say that you can vaguely feel the problem, even though you can't actually pinpoint it, right?" asks Twilight.  I nod.  "Good.  That's something.  We should focus on that."

"But I can't figure anything else about it!" I cry in frustration.

"There's no way that you can describe it to me?" asks Twilight hopefully.

"No, not really."

"Here, let me try something.  Hold still."

Twilight lights up her horn and engulfs me in a spell.

"You're not trying to read my mind, are you?" I ask.

"Of course not.  But now I know what sort of magic to look for, now that I have seen the node itself.  I'm just looking for any signs of- wait.  I think I found it!"

"What, already?" I ask in surprise.

Twilight doesn't answer.  Instead, she just scrunches up her face.

"Twilight?"

No response.

I use my magic to summon a certain boulder behind Twilight, which drops to the ground with a thud.  This is enough to get her to snap out of it.

"Ground control to Major Tom, do you read me?" I say sarcastically.

"Sorry, Discord, its just that this magic is so strange.  I think I understand what the problem is though.  You touched the node when its magic was fluctuating wildly, and the magic it cast on you is something similar to an illusion spell because it is altering the way that everyone around you perceives you and everything that you do, and even the way that everyone remembers you, and instead of seeing and hearing the real you, they seeing the results of what the randomly pulsing node did to you, and the sensory input that everypony is receiving is incomprehensible, and, basically broken.  And so their minds are subconsciously ignoring this supposedly bad input and ignoring it.  You are capable of forcing their minds to confront the bad input by getting into their faces, but it still doesn't make any sense to them and they just panic."

"But that doesn't answer the other puzzle, does it?" I say.  "What makes you different so that you are the sole exception?  I mean, even Celestia was affected."

"I have a theory.  I need to check something.  Give me just a minute."

Twilight suddenly lets loose a flash of magic.

She's gone.

"Couldn't you have explained what you are doing before you went?" I cry out.

"Oh hush up, you did the exact same thing when you disappeared to try to save the Priness all by yourself."

I turn around and find a copy of myself standing against the cave wall with his arms crossed.

"Where have you been?" I ask.

"I'm Discord, remember?  I just kind of turn up when it's convenient."

"Yes, but you're dodging the question, where have you been?"

"If you must know, I've been tidying up our place.  The place is spotless at the moment."

"Yeek!" I mutter in disgust.

Twilight then teleports back into the room and he looks at her in surprise.  He snaps and disappears again before Twilight can turn and see him.

I realize that Twilight is wearing on her head something that I thought I would be able to avoid seeing for at least a little bit longer.

"Why are you wearing the element of magic?" I ask in deadpan.  "If you think that blasting me with that thing is going to solve anything, you've got another thing coming."

"I'm not going to use it on you.  It's because of this thing that I can see you," Twilight answers back.  "In hindsight, it's actually pretty obvious.  I have a connection to it that nopony else does, and that is why nopony else, not even the Princesses, can see you."

"But what about all of your friends?" I ask in confusion.  "They have connections to their elements too, and they can't see me!"

"But this is a strictly magical problem, and the other elements can't do what this one is doing.  Basically, it somehow seems to know how to unscramble the problem and make it make sense to me through the connection that I have with it.  I don't even have to actually be in the same place as it for it to work, apparently."

"How convenient."

"But the important thing here is, even though I don't know how it knew how to decode what the node did to you, I am almost positive that I can modify the spell to make it so that instead of simply letting me interact with you despite the problem, I can use the decryption pattern that it came up with to actually remove the problem altogether."

I feel my eyes fly wide open in shock.

"Wait, you can?  Well, what are you waiting for, do it!"

"I just wanted to warn you though, that this is just an experimental spell that I came up with just now," says Twilight nervously.

"I know that, it's not like you've had any chances to practice!  Look, if you accidently turn me into a puddle of goo or something, I'll just turn myself back."

"I don't think a puddle of goo is likely," says Twilight.  "More like, I'm afraid that I might accidently make you imperceptible to myself as well.  And if I lose you...  I don't know what I'll do."

"Oh."

Hmm, that never occurred to me.

"Well, I think I know.  You might not remember me, but you won't be able to forget the fact that something is missing that you had before, and you would also notice that you keep on getting weird little presents from somewhere, and sometimes problems will just go away for no reason.  And, also, now that you've explained to me the problem, I could probably fix it myself, eventually.  It may take me a while, but I would."

"That's rather sad," says Twilight, "but also rather sweet too.  But it won't come to that.  I'm sure of it!"

"Of course not."

Twilight lights her horn once again and steps up to me and looks up to meet my eyes.

"Just in case it turns out that I did make a mistake though..." she says.  "I love you."

The room lights up with magic, and stays lit up.  I feel a strange sensation as the magic makes its change.

And then the magic ceases, and I am left standing in front of Twilight exactly I was before.  She opens her eyes and looks at me.

I can see the relief in her eyes.

"You were actually hoping that you would forget about me, weren't you!" I accuse playfully, swooping down and picking her off the ground.

"That way," I continue, speaking to the startled pony now laying in my arms, "You wouldn't have to listen to me get even!  Because I love you too, you peculiar, pretty, purple pony!"

"I'm not pretty," Twilight insists.  "Besides, you're a creature that is a mismatch of all sorts of different animals.  I'm not sure that I should trust your judgment about who is pretty in the first place!"

"Fine, don't believe me then.  I was just saying that to make you like me more anyway."

Twilight suddenly starts laughing, and I join in.  But suddenly I stop as I realize that something is moving below us.

Mister Jackalope is jumping in place below me, trying to get my attention.

To his surprise, I catch him with my tail such that he can stand on it and lift him up to where Twilight can see.

"Hello to you too, my friend," I say.  "Tell me, have you and the others been stirring up trouble for me while I was away?"

The critter looks slightly away from me and puts on a fiendish grin.

"Excellent!"





With a snap Twilight and I find ourselves inside her library once again.  Luna and Twilight's friends are all waiting on us, and the instant I popped out of nowhere, they just stare in horror.  The looks on their faces right now are priceless!

"What's he doing here?" demands Rainbow Dash, who takes off the ground and flies up in front of my face.

"Rainbow Dash!" cries Luna in a commanding voice.  "Withdraw yourself from his space!  I assure you that hitting him will do nopony any good."

Rainbow reluctantly backs down and flies to Twilight's side.

"What is your purpose in coming here, Discord?" asks Luna with bitterness.  "Have you come to revel in our wretchedness?"

"Don't be such a defeatist, Lulu," I answer back.  "And besides, I never got a kick out of the misery of others.  I admit that sometimes others are made miserable as a side effect of me just having fun, but I would never, as you say, 'revel in your wretchedness'.  Your solar counterpart can be a downright nuisance, but she doesn't deserve what has happened to her.  I'm here to help you rescue your sister," I finish, crossing my arms and looking at her expectantly.  All of Twilight's friends are staring at me open mouthed.

Luna meanwhile looks me up and down with sudden morbid fascination.  "You were Twilight's friend, afflicted with a condition that made you invisible to others!"

"Are you only just now figuring that out?" I ask in surprise.

"What trickery are you attempting this time?" she asks in confusion.  "What do you have to gain from this?  If you want my sister gone, you have only to walk away!"

"I know that, but I am here, aren't I?" I point out in exasperation.  "Look, you and Celestia did a much better job of the whole governing thing than I ever cared to, and when I think about it, and it wasn't even you two who decided to petrify me anyway, it was those accursed elements of harmony.  The same ones that are all in this room right now.  I only reluctantly agree to a plan which involves them, by the way.  And, if nothing else, if I didn't do whatever I can to get her teacher back to normal, Twi here would never forgive me.  Also, You can't really afford to turn me away."

"That may not be the best way of phrasing it, Discord," says Twilight nervously.

"Irrespective of a lack of tact," Luna says, "Discord does have a point.  I am no match for my sister, but unless he has lost his edge, Discord... is.  We are much more likely to succeed with his assistance.  Twilight vouches for him, and that is enough for me at this time.  And, should this mission end in success due to your assistance, Discord, I will ensure that your slate is wiped clean.  We know that it is selfish, but we are willing to go to extremes to ensure our sister's safe return."

"Hold it," says Applejack in alarm.  "Are y'all tellin' me that Discord is suddenly a good guy now?"

"Well, that is the job Celestia gave us, right?" says Pinkie Pie.  "I mean, for some reason, only Twilight could even talk to him, so she obviously completed the mission all by herself!  Am I right?"

"Sort of..." I mutter in annoyance.  "But I promise you that whatever ideas you have about how it probably went did not happen.  We're friends now, but we did it my way!" I finish with a bit of magical amplification in my voice.

"Sounds good to me!" answers Pinkie, unaffected by my meager attempt at intimidation.

"Well, that's all fine and dandy!" cries Rarity sarcastically.  I turn to look at her, as she clearly isn't happy.  "But you still owe me an apology!  Do you have any idea how awful you made me feel after your little visit to my shop?"

"Yes, I do.  Listen, I am sorry alright?"

"You're sorry?" she asks in surprise.

"Yes!  Don't make me spell it out for you, we're sort of in a hurry here."

"I...  I accept your apology, Discord."

"Wait, you do?  Just like that?"

"I think you'll find that most ponies are very forgiving if you just ask," says Twilight.  "Well, and if we think that you're actually sincere, of course."

"But how can you be so sure that he is sincere?" asks Rainbow Dash.  "This could all be a part of his plan to take over Equestria!  First he makes us trust him, then he stabs us in the back."

"Rainbow, if I was trying to wrest control of Equestria from your princesses, don't you think I would just leave Celestia where she is?  Get it through your titanium cranium," I say, tapping her on the head twice and causing a couple of metallic clangs, much to her astonishment.  "I'm trying to help you!

"And besides," I continue.  "You asked me to keep Twilight safe last week, and I did."

Rainbow's eyes grow wide in realization.  "Wait, you were the weird ghost who made all of those freaky- uh, actually," she says in an attempt to suddenly sound casual, "never mind.  You know what, we're good."

"Just like that?" asks Applejack.  "A moment ago you were ready to fight, and suddenly you're just okay with this?"

"Yeah, that's right," says Rainbow in slight irritation.  "So you can stop asking me questions and let's just go stop that siren already!"

Hmm, somepony is embarrassed about something.

I look toward Fluttershy.

"Nothing to say from the quiet one?" I ask.  "No 'thank you', no 'you're a monster', not anything?"

"No thank you."

Well, that's oddly disappointing.  In fact, I feel strangely uneasy.  Mark my words, I will make that pony laugh one day.  Without making her do it with magic, of course.

"Lovely!" I cry out.  I hold my paw up.  "Shall we be on our way?"

"Nay!" cries Luna, and I lower my paw in annoyance.

"We cannot simply teleport into their vicinity!" she continues.  "Just because you would endure the journey with no ill effect doesn't mean that the rest of us will not be discombobulated by the process!  We require a safe place where we can regain our bearings!"

"Alright," I answer, seeing her point.  "I can do that."

"Your priority must be to keep my sister distracted so that the elements may undo the magic upon her," Luna continues.  "I shall do everything in my power to keep the siren busy.  Once the spell on Celestia is broken, Discord should have no problem in doing with the siren as he pleases.  My old teacher believed that banishment from this world was a fine way to deal with sirens, and I am of the opinion that such a punishment is far from unreasonable."

"You mean put her in another world where she is still free to move around and she's also not stuck in a place where she is alone for a thousand years?" I ask.  "That's... pretty good, actually.  I can do that too!"

"And one more thing," Luna continues, and I roll my eyes.  "According to what Twilight relayed to us about your own attempted rescue, this place which we are going to has many ponies who are all under the control of the siren.  We must not hurt them in any way, including through inadvertent collateral damage."

I open my mouth to say something sarcastic in response to that, but then think better of it.  "Okay, I get it," I answer after a moment, and then huff.  "I get that my methods may be a little extravagant, but you don't have to explain this to me, you know.  I said I wasn't going to hurt anypony and I meant it."

"We simply wished to ensure that it did not slip your mind," Luna says.

"Wait, when did she tell you this?" I ask in confusion.

"She came to us seeking the element of magic a short while ago, and her friends attempted to draw out more information from her.  It is one of the few things she told us before disappearing again.  Now, we believe everything is in order, and everypony understands what must be done.  Let us be on our way.  We had intended to teleport everypony ourself, but we were not originally aware that we have the lord of chaos with us. Discord, now you may teleport us into position."

I grin back at her and hold up my paw once again.  "Let's do this!"

*SNAP*
> Showdown
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now here we all are.  We are all gathered next to a wall of Lento's palace.  I cast a bubble of magic around us that prevents sound from escaping.

"Celestia and Lento are right behind there," I say to everypony present, many of whom trying to regain their bearings.

"I just realized something," says Twilight.  "Once the other ponies under Lento's control realize that there is trouble, they will likely try to stop us.  Perhaps it would be best if Discord and Luna confront Celestia and Lento while we," she continues, indicating her pony friends, "stay out of sight and ensure that the other ponies don't interfere, until it is time to use the elements."

"That's true," says Luna.  "We must admit, we are so concerned for Celestia's wellbeing that we did not consider the wellbeing of the island's innocent inhabitants as much as we should have.  Very well, Discord, we must keep them busy until Twilight and her friends can get the local ponies out of harm's way."

"Come on girls," says Twilight, "With me."

Twilight and her friends start to walk away, but Twilight hesitates, and then comes back, and her friends watch.

She approaches me.

"Discord..." she begins, but seems to have trouble finding further words.  She turns her head back toward her friends for a moment and then turns back to me.

She wordlessly motions for me to lower myself down to her, and I comply.

She wraps her hooves around me and hugs me as hard as she can.  It's almost like she's trying to squeeze the life out of me, but with my chaos coursing through my body once again and reinforcing it from harm, it doesn't actually hurt any.  I hug her back, fully aware that everypony is staring.

She pulls my head in close and whispers into my ear, so quietly that I doubt even Luna with her enhanced hearing can hear it.

"There's more of this if you get Celestia back.  So much more."

Instantly I feel myself blush and I have to surreptitiously snap with my tail to put a spell on myself that hides the enormous blush I can feel building up in my face.

"Yes, yes!" I say hastily.  "Good luck to you to and all that, Twilight, sheesh, don't get all sappy on me now!"

Twilight smiles and gives me a knowing look.

"What ever happened to your not liking manipulating others with emotions and all that?" I whisper back to her.

She blushes and says nothing.

And then she walks back to her friends and motions for them to follow.

They step outside of my sound barrier and trot away, moving away from Lento's palace.

"Well Lulu, it's just you and me now!" I declare.

"Indeed.  We are of the opinion that the best course of action is to barge in and lay down an ultimatum.  What say you?"

"Oooh, can I do the 'barge in' part?"

Luna motions toward the wall.  "Please."

"Stand back, Princess," I instruct, and she gives me a look.  "I wouldn't want you to be hit by falling debris," I explain.

I transform myself into a giant glass pitcher filled with blue liquid, and also with arms and legs, and I run straight at the wall.

"To quote a certain neighbor of Twilight's...  OH YEEEEAAAAAAH!"

This exclamation occurs in the same moment that I smash straight through the wall, and my glass body naturally explodes into shards as I do so, dumping unnaturally sticky liquid all over the shiny marble floor.  I can still perceive my surroundings with magic, however, and I can see that Lento and Celestia were looking over a map of Equestria.

That doesn't bode well.

Of course, with an entrance like that, they map for the moment lays forgotten and both of them are staring at the gaping hole in the wall.

Luna steps through said hole and stares them both down.  Meanwhile, I stay where I am, waiting for a funnier moment to show myself.

"Why would you do that?!" cries the siren in annoyance.  "I understand that you're peeved that Celestia didn't come home, but honestly, couldn't you have come through the door like a normal pony instead of punching giant holes in my palace for no reason?"

"Be silent, vile creature!" Luna hisses.  "We are only going to say this once.  Return my sister and our subjects at once, or suffer our wrath."

"I thought that we would have a few days before anypony noticed my absence," mutters Celestia.  "Luna," she cries, approaching Luna.  "I am here of my own volition.  Queen Lento can do a better job ruling over ponies than we ever did.  They will be happier with her in command!"

"Happy because they are forced to be!" Luna utters.  "And sister, you know perfectly well how victims of the siren song will find a way to rationalize anything."

"I am doing what I think is right!" insists Celestia.  "Please, Luna, I don't want to fight you!  But if you continue down this path, I will have no choice!"

"I don't want to fight you either, sister," says Luna, suddenly speaking at a normal volume.  "Fortunately for me, however, I don't have to.  Because he is going to instead."

Taking the obvious cue, I literally pull myself together and transform into my usual incredibly attractive self.  I launch confetti out from myself all around me accompanied by a sheep bleat, and strike a pose.

"Who is that?" asks Lento in confusion.

"That is Discord!" states Celestia in a raised tone of voice.  "Between him and my sister, I assure you that he is the far greater threat."

Lento looks dumbfounded at this statement.

"Luna!" shouts Celestia.  "I expected you to not understand what I am trying to do here, but have you completely lost your mind?  You are siding with the spirit of chaos!  How can you stand there and tell me that I am being controlled by my lady when it is obviously far more likely that you are under his!"

Luna doesn't actually answer, but instead blinks and turns to me.  "She raises a fair point, Discord.  How can I know that?"

I sigh out loud.  Do we really have to do this NOW?

"To be honest, there is no way that I can prove that to you.  If I give you any proof, you will just suspect that I am warping your mind to accept whatever proof is given.  But you trust me, and, also, to be blunt, there is only the possibility that I am mind controlling you.  In Celestia's case, it is absolutely certain."

Luna turns back to Celestia.  "We are doing what we feel is right, sister."

Celestia gapes at Luna's audacity.

"Luna, look at yourself!  You have truly fallen so very low!  You are once again ignoring the council of your own sister and instead listening to a monster!"

"How dare you!" bellows Luna, but then she clenches her eyes closed for a second and calms herself.  She opens them again.  "If I was not certain that you are not yourself right now, I would be deeply hurt by that remark.  But it is obvious that conversation is getting us nowhere!"

"Indeed not," I agree in a bored tone.  I snap and transform the whole palace into the world's longest continuous strand of yarn, and it immediately collapses all around us into heaps of rainbow colored yarn mountains.

"My palace!" shrieks Lento in rage.  And then she starts singing more of her stupid vocal music.

Celestia sends out a burst of magic that instantly shreds the yarn that fell around her and then charges up again.

I'm not just going to stand by and let her do that though.  I materialize eight pies of all different flavors around Celestia and make them converge on her location, but she flies out of the way with the agility of a hummingbird.

"This is just another example of my foolishness before meeting my lady!" cries Celestia.  "Releasing YOU!"

She rears her head back and gathers a lot of magic into that spear on her head that she calls a horn, and then thrusts it forward and releases the magic as a three foot wide beam.

I counter this with a giant mirror, which I use to reflect the beam into the sky.

"Ohohohohoho!" I laugh aloud in delight.  "Now this is exactly what I was hoping for ever since you put me in that stone bodysuit!  Have at you!"

*SNAP*

I invert gravity under Celestia and I and allow it to carry us both up into the now open sky.  Celestia is taken by surprise, but quickly uprights herself and launches some sort of crackling white energy orb at me.  It's odd though, it doesn't seem to travel very fast.

I throw up a brick wall with a window in it between myself and the crazed sun princess.

And then I don a service hat and open up the window and lean out.  I snap and create a notebook and pencil in my paw.

"Welcome to Discord's Delectable Dietary Diner, may I take your order?"

Celestia grunts in annoyance and sends a ball of magic careening through the window, naturally.

"So that's fifty seven quarts of strawberry-banana yogurt?"

A fireball flies in next.

"Oh, my mistake, fifty seven quarts of the strawberry-banana yogurt flambé!  It would have to be, the kitchen is on fire now."

The crackling energy orb is getting a little too close for comfort, but a simple teleportation takes care of that problem.

*SNAP*

Oh, no wait, it's turning around and coming at me again.

Does that thing ever fizzle out?

Celestia tries to fly around my wall, but I just simply rotate it through the air between us.

"Look, if you have a complaint, you'll have to fill out a form," I say, producing a complaint form and holding it out to her.

"Also, order up!"

I form the fifty-seven quarts of yogurt into a blob and give it a spark of animation, and then send it crawling through the window.

Celestia blasts it wish a heat ray or something, because it inflates to about five times it's size and explodes, covering me with searing hot goop (which doesn't actually hurt, thank chaos for... well, chaos magic).  Celestia put up a shield bubble which absorbed all of the stuff that flew in her direction.  She then drops the shield and the stuff drops into the ocean below us, for that is where we are right now.  It's a little bit hard to keep her where I want her.

I pretend to have an expression of annoyance.

"If you think you can cook it better, be my guest!" I shout, and I throw a frying pan at her.

Of course, this is easily stopped by her, and then she sends it back through the window.

All the while, I keep on throwing more kitchen tools through the window.  A few plates, a ladle, a salt shaker, a rolling pin, a pot, a pressure cooker, a dish washer.

When Celestia hurls the rolling pin back at me, I catch it and use it to whack the crackling energy orb away from me like a baseball.  And then I toss it back again.  And then I throw some more plates and pots and pans enchanted with a teeny little enlargement spell.

Each of these things halt in midair, fifty times their original size, making a staggered but usable surface to stand on.

I step away from the diner wall and onto one of the plates, letting the next spell that Celestia launches blow up the wall.  She then lowers herself onto my new plate platforms.

"Enough games, Discord!" she shouts in annoyance.

"No!  Wait, Princess, stop!" I shout, holding out my paw in a 'stop' gesture.

Celestia actually listens to me and stops just short of stepping off of one of the pans and onto a pot.

"Don't get on the pot, Celestia!  It will ruin your life!"

Celestia cries out her annoyance at this pun and flies at me herself, horn charged.

I teleport out of the way and reappear on the plate where Celestia came from.

In three different places.

"Ready, everydraconequus?" I shout out.

"Ready, boss!" answer the other two.

I reach out and find one of the endpoints on the yarn that used to be Lento's palace, and start pulling it way up here all the way from the ground.  Celestia starts shooting magic at us again and my other two selves pick me up and hold me high over their heads and they run back and forth dodging Celestia's magic.

Meanwhile, I finally pulled that yarn up here.  I give it to one of my dopplegangers and he gives a part of it to the other one.  They back away from me and start swinging both sections of yarn between them like jump ropes.  I start jumping them both, and I snap and another copy of myself appears alongside me, also jumping.  The crackling white magic ball comes drifting our way again, which is annoying.

The two copies of myself that are holding the ropes start passing more yarn along, and the one holding the end is using his magic to knit the yarn into yarn dolls shaped like all sorts of different winged creatures.  The first one is shaped like a winged elephant.  After there are about a couple dozen or so, I make them fly at Celestia.

Celestia sends out some sort of a pulse of magic that throws the poor things far, far away.

Also, I snatch white magic orb as it draws near, intending to pump a counterspell into it so that the thing will stop following me around.

Only it explodes.

I temporarily lose track of which way is up, and before I can bring myself to a halt, I find myself in an unpleasant reunion with the ground.  The impact causes my doppleganger magic to fail and I suddenly feel my divided consciousness reunite.

"Discord!"

That wasn't Celestia's voice...

I shrug off the pain and look up and see Twilight filling up my vision.

"Are you okay?" she cries.  "What happened?"

"Never better," I grumble, floating myself off the ground again to prove it.

"We only just finished dealing with some of the local ponies," says Twilight.  "I had to stun them all, I'm afraid.  Where is Princess Celestia?"

I look up at the section of the sky where I fell from.

"She's probably about to- WHOA NOW!"

Those last words were spoken out of reflex, and I had no time to do anything about Celestia's flaming form pile driving me into the ground.

My head is spinning and I suddenly can't make out anything around me except for voices.

Uh oh.

"Princess!" I hear Twilight cry out.  "You're hurting him!"

There is a moment in which nonpony says a word, although I can hear Lento's singing, and I'm pretty sure I can hear Luna blasting magic at her.

By chaos, Lento sounds AAAANGRRRY.

"Twilight Sparkle!" I hear Celestia say in surprise.  "Luna brought you all here?"

My senses come back to me sooner than I thought they would.

Actually, I can already see again.  In fact, I feel fine!

I stand up and discover that I've been crushed partway into the dirt.  I teleport myself out and over Celestia.

She hears it though and she looks up at me with a spell on her horn.

I summon a broom and whack her in the face with the bushy side.  This causes her to lose focus, and she grunts in frustration and pushes against the handle with her horn.  She starts applying both physical force and magical force to the broom, and I can't figure out why she isn't just getting out of the way and shooting at me some more.  I have to use magic of my own to stop her from ripping the broom away from me though.  Oh, and she's also using her wings to add that to the already crushing forces.  If this wasn't a magically conjured broom reinforced by my incredibly impressive supply of chaos magic, it would be crushed into splinters about a thousand times over.  She's putting enough force into it to crush a rock into a diamond.

We both start slowly rising into the air again.

"Princess!" cries Twilight frantically.

Wait, why is she trying to call out to Celestia? I wonder to myself.  Shouldn't she just shoot her with the elements?

Oh, of course not.  She would totally see that coming.

"Princess Celelestia!" Twilight cries again.  "You don't have to do this!  Discord is reformed now!  He's not going to hurt anypony anymore!"

“Twilight Sparkle!” shouts Celestia, struggling to speak with all of the power she is exerting. “I am aware that I was the one who asked you to reform Discord, but I realize now that that was yet another one of my many mistakes!  Discord is inherently evil, and there is no way that that will ever change!  If you need proof, simply look around you!  He has manipulated my poor sister into opposing me, but you can't let him trick you too!  Not again!  Use the elements on Discord, now!"

I actually let my grasp on the broom stagger when I hear this, and Celestia almost manages to overpower me.  I have to redouble my efforts in order to gain the advantage again.

What the cherry cheesecake, this is that nightmare that that stupid mushroom showed me back when I first discovered that darned cave!

"Princess... please..." cries Twilight.

"There is no time to discuss the matter, Twilight Sparkle!  I am still your teacher, and I'm ordering you to do this!  Everything will work out in the end, I promise!"

"...  Yes, Princess."  Gone is Twilights, tearful tone, replaced entirely by a sort of sad determination.  "You're right.  It will.  Girls, elements."

Twilights friends give her shocked looks.

"Twi," begins Rainbow Dash, "are you sure about-"

"Yes!" snaps Twilight.  "Trust me!"

Ohhhh, I get it!  Suddenly, the pieces of this puzzle all fall into place!

I turn back to my opponent and grin at her disconcertingly.

And I get to play the fiddle!

I create a fiddle and start doing exactly that with my tail.

"It will never wo-ork," I taunt in sing song.

A pulse of energy shoots into the broom and almost breaks my concentration.

"You can't win, Princess.  If you strike me down, I shall return more powerful than you could ever imagine!"

"There's no use in trying to confuse us, Discord!" growls Celestia, staring me down with hatred which I know is not truly her own.  "You're finished."

Even though I am fully expecting it, my I feel like my lungs have dropped out of my body when I realize that a certain beam of rainbow is hurling in our direction.

And then it slams into Celestia, avoiding me entirely.

Celestia's magic is cut off and I have to stop putting force behind the broom to keep from hurling her into the atmosphere.  Her eyes fly wide open in complete and utter shock, but only for a moment, and then her pupils roll up into her head and she starts to fall.

I realize that we are about twenty feet off the ground.  She'd shrug a fall like that off quite easily, sure, but, well, why not?

I snap and create a stack of a dozen mattresses below her, which she lands on, unharmed.

I snap again and appear next to Twilight.

"Now that that's all over, I feel a little bit disappointed.  It was just getting interesting!  I wonder, do you think Celestia would agree to do this again, later?  She could use the practice, what with all of the villains that keep showing up these days."

"Most magic duels are over in mere seconds," Twilight points out.  "Let's just focus on the matter at hoof, Discord.  Luna is still-"

"Cellestia!" cries Luna's voice.

I look to her in surprise, not expecting her to deal with the siren so quickly.

Or did she?

"Where's Lento?" I ask her as she flies up to the top of my mattress stack.

"That fiend quickly realized that she was outmatched and fled into the sea," answers Luna.  "She is far faster in the water than I, and I could not pursue her."

"Give me a moment," I say, and then I reach out with my senses and easily find the Siren's magical signature.  She's swimming circles around the island.

*SNAP*

And now, without Celestia protecting her, Lento is completely vulnerable to my power.  I now have her floating in my magical grasp, shrunken to the size of a mouse.

I take a look at her and realize that her originally smooth and uniformly green scales are now battered and bruised.  And what's more, when the pathetic creature realizes where she is, she tries to sing again, but her she suddenly erupts into a coarse coughing fit.

I look at Luna.  "Ouch."

"She deserves it all, and more," answers Luna without guilt.

"I... HATE... you..." the reduced siren squeaks out in a strained voice.

"Aw, there's no call for that!" I answer back.  "Well, actually, I suppose there kind of is, and, actually, I don't care in the least if you hate me.  I have plenty of experience in not caring about that.  But cheer up, I'm not going to hurt you!"

I remember Luna's comment about how Starswirl apparently already banished three sirens to another world already.  It seems to have done a fine job of holding them so far, so one more siren couldn't hurt.  But first I have to find it.  If I can actually find it at all.  I search with my magic into extra-dimensional space, searching for any signs of that world.

Wait, I think I found it!  There is barely any magic at all, but that just means that even the dim ambience of the sirens banished there long ago still stands out like a candle in the dark.  No wonder I never noticed it before, you have to be looking for it to even notice it.  It's perfect!

I tear open a rift in front of Lento.  The simple forest beyond isn't anything special, but I did pick a spot where none of the inhabitants on the other side would be watching.  The last thing we need is for one of them to jump through the rift uninvited.

"I'm just going to put you in another dimension!  I mean, sure, there's so little magic in this place that you'll never regain very much of your power, but I'm actually doing you a favor.  I was looking for the perfect place to put you and I found that this particular dimension already has three others in it already that are just like you!  Maybe you'll become the bestest of friends!"

With a snap, I rotate Lento's gravity toward the rift and release her.

She 'falls' through, mouth open wide in rage, but screaming only silently.

The moment she passes through, her body flashes and transforms into one of the bipedal natives of that world, normally sized for them though, as my magic was undone as soon as she passed through.  She collapses in a tangle of limbs on the grass, but still is able to turn her head back and look at herself in horror, and then back at the rift.

"Tee tee eff inn!" I say with a wave, and with a gesture of my tail, the rift seals.

"Discord, what just happened," says Twilight in confusion.  "Why did she-"

"Morphic field between dimensions," I answer.  "It happens."

I turn around and look at my mattress stack and see that Celestia is already wide awake and staring down at us from on high.

I feel myself clench up with nervousness.

I wonder if she remembers what happened while she was under the siren song.

Luna has realized that Celestia is looking at us all too and dives onto her sister, wrapping her in an embrace.

"Thou shalt not leaving our sight for a month!" cries Luna.

" 'You will not', Luna," answers Celestia.  "You are slipping into middle Equestrian again."

Luna looks at Celestia incredulously.

"That is not important right now!  Are you okay?  Any lingering ill effects?"

"I am fine, sister."

I snap and make myself appear next to them.  "Are you quite sure about that?" I ask.  "Nothing feels just a little bit... off?"

"The siren has no control over me now," says Celestia with a frown.  "I assure you."

"Besides that I mean.  Come on, you don't feel anything?"

Both princesses narrow their eyes at me.  "What did you do?" demands Luna.

"Hmm, maybe you're not really a princess after all," I say cryptically.  I reach under the mattress tower.  "You see, I hid a pea under all these mattresses and-"

My words are left forgotten as I stare down at what I plucked out from under the mattresses.  Its just a green smear, flattened like a pancake.

"Oh, wait, that explains it!" I shout up to the top of the mattresses.  "Celestia crushed it into oblivion with her flanks.  And through all of those mattresses too!"
> The Bookstore (Bonus Chapter)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

A green skinned girl with a simple medium-length haircut stands hunched over behind a desk, supporting herself with both arms and holding her head with the palm of one of her hands, and doing nothing other than being bored out of her skull.  A necklace with a red gem adorns her neck.

One can see by the large label on the front of the desk that this is both where one checks-out and an information desk.  One would also be able to deduce from the shelves all over the store that are filled with almost nothing other than books that this is a bookstore of some sort.

Not that many people would actually walk in here without already knowing that.

One of the few patrons of the establishment, a high school aged young man who up until now had been browsing the store at random, walks up to the desk.

"Excuse me.  Could you help me find a book?" he says.

"We don't have it."

"What?" asks the young man in confusion.  "I haven't even told you what book it is yet."

"You've been in here for nearly an hour.  Either we don't have it, or you're too stupid to find it, and either way, trying to help you would be pointless."

"What?  I'm not stupid!"

"Well, then I trust you are smart enough to make this next deduction: we don't have it!"

The young man sputters, and then says, "I'm going to report you to your boss!"

"Go ahead, see what happens."

He doesn't answer, choosing to instead just give the girl a death glare, and then turns and walks toward the entrance.

After he has turned away, the girl allows herself a grin.

After a little while longer, a woman in a dress and carrying a purse walks through the entrance, ringing the bell that such places often have in their door.

She walks straight up to the girl's desk.

"Hello dear.  I was hoping that you could help me find a book, please."

"I was hoping that I wouldn't be approached by another helpless moron.  I guess we're both disappointed."

The woman blinks in surprise, and then quickly adopts a snarl.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not your mom.  Go find it yourself."

"I am taking my business elsewhere.  You best shape up, young lady, or someone less nice than me is going to put you in the hospital."

The woman sharply turns back around and goes out the door from whence she came.

The girl smiles sinisterly and lightly touches her pendant.

A large muscular man walks in next, and approaches the desk, which he leans down on, earning him a glare.

"Can you tell me where the self-help books are?" he says lazily.

"Maybe.  What loser character flaw are you trying to overcome?"

The man suddenly pounds his fists on the desk.

"I'm not a loser!"

"I think you're looking for a book called 'Seeing Yourself the Way Others See You'.  It's over there."

The man takes his arms off the desk and makes an obscene gesture before walking out of the door.

Almost right after the man is gone, three more girls (the only customers left in the entire store) approach the desk.

"Oh, great, don't tell me that you three have a question for me too."

"Wow," one of them states, and the help desk girl lifts her head up to properly look at the girl speaking, and can't help but stare at her enormous orange hair that somehow doesn't collapse from it's own weight.  "How are you still employed, talking to people like that?"

The help desk girl smiles.  "Let's just say that my boss just can't resist the sound of my voice."

To her surprise, the other girl smiles back at her.

"I thought so.  My name is Adagio Dazzle."

"I don't care."

Adagio takes a quick look around, ensuring that they are completely alone.  Once she verifies that they are, she continues.

"You should care.  We're sirens.  And so are you.  The pendant is a giveaway."

The help desk girl stands straight up for the first time in hours and looks Adagio in the eye.

"Let me guess, this is your territory and you want me to hit the road?"

"Not quite.  Tell me, how long have you been here, in this world?  Did you come from Equestria, or are there other worlds out there that connect to this dump?"

"Yes, I came from Equestria.  And I've been here for about a month.  And I know who you three are."

"Oh?" says Adagio, pleasantly surprise.  "What exactly do you claim to know about us?"

"You're the three who went rampaging across the Equestrian mainland and got banished by some wizard."

Adagio's face of amusement changes to one of annoyance.

"Well, it's not like you did any better, clearly!  Here you are!"

"I didn't go and draw attention to myself like you dummies did.  I was a queen of my own island for centuries!"

"Ooooh!  A whole island!" spits Adagio sarcastically.

"So what happened to you to land you in this world then if you were a queen?" asks one of the other girls in deadpan.

"That's Aria, by the way." says Adagio.  "And this moron is Sonata.  And I am curious about that myself, how did you get yourself banished?  Couldn't have been the same guy as the one who banished us, we've been here since the dark ages, he has got to be dead by now."

"Oh, it sooo stupid," answers the girl.  "Some all-powerful freak named Discord just suddenly showed up and ruined everything!"

All three of the other sirens winced.

"Ouch," says Adagio.  "Okay, never mind, I don't blame you at all.  But you're stuck here now, same as us, and I think we can help each other."

"I don't need your help.  I don't like you."

Adagio lets out a laugh.  "Oh, Aria, Sonata and I hate each other.  But I'm sure you've noticed how hard it is to use our powers in this magically void hole."

The girl doesn't say anything, so Adagio continues.

"But we found out that if we put our voices together, we can create a negative atmosphere far easier than if we were just singing all by ourselves.  You didn't even try to sing to those customers back there.  It's because you knew it wouldn't work, wasn't it?  I bet you just got lucky with your boss."

"You're asking me to join you just because I can make your song more powerful?"

"That is literally the only reason we keep this one around," says Aria, pointing a thumb at Sonata.

"I thought you kept me around because I make really yummy chocolate chip cookies," says Sonata in confusion.

After a moment, Adagio nods and says, "That too."

"And what are you all trying to do?" asks the girl.

"What do you mean?" asks Adagio, raising a brow.

"I mean that you must have a goal.  What is it?"

"Well, if you're talking about fantasies here, I'd like to subjugate this whole world and have them bow before us, but we all know that that is unrealistic."

"Oh my gosh," says Aria.  "There you go about dominating this world when it would be so much better to go back to a world where we actually have our magic back!"

"We tried looking for a way back for years, Aria.  It's not going to happen."

"Well, I just want our lives to not suck."

"I don't really know what I want," says Sonata.  "I just go along with whatever Adagio and Aria want.  I guess I could use a new teddy bear."

"You ripped the head off of your last one, Sonata," Aria points out.

"Which is why I need a new one," Sonata points out, speaking as though it was obvious.

"I just want revenge," says the desk girl.  "Revenge against the ones who put me here in the first place."

"We all wanted that for the first few years," Adagio says.  "We got over it.  But, if you do come with us and we ever figure out how to actually go back, we will help you get revenge, if that's still what you want."

"Alright.  I'll do it."

"Perfect.  What is your name?"

"Lady Lento Luxurious."

"Ugh" says Aria, facepalming.  "That is sooo going to clash with our vibe."

"Don't words that end with an 'O' connotate masculinity in many languages?" asks Sonata.  "Yours makes you sound like a dude."

"Sonata," says Adagio in annoyance, "My name is Adagio!"

"Yeah, but for some reason you make it work."

"That's right!"  Adagio turns back to Lento.  "We can worry about that later.  First, we're going to do something about your hair.  When we're done with you, you'll look almost as fabulous as I do."

"I don't have to quit the bookstore, do I?  It's boring, but at least it's easy."

"Of course you should keep working here.  This isn't a social club, Sonata would drive us all insane if we were forced to hang out all the time.  You can do whatever you want most of the time, but you will have to carry your own weight.  Oh, and just so you know, Sonata swiped some stupid children's' books, and Aria grabbed another blood and gore movie.  We were going to sing to you if you happened to notice, but you don't care, so it really doesn't matter."
> A New Beginning
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Celestia's response to my statement about the pea was straight to the point.

She rolled her eyes at me.

But then I suddenly hear a noise from next to me that sounds like air escaping from a balloon.

I look over and see Twilight holding a hoof over her mouth and trying desperately not to laugh.

She fails.

"Ahahahaha!  Hehehahahahahahaha- ha..."

Twilight suddenly manages to contain herself and her face instantly turns bright red from embarrassment.  Celestia is looking at Twilight, tilting her head in surprise.

"Oh my goodness, Princess, I'm so sorry!" cries Twilight, all of her mirth suddenly gone.  "I didn't mean to laugh at you, I just- please don't make me stop being your student, I can explain!"

Celestia puts on a figurative mask of coldness.  As opposed to one of my literal ones.

"I'm listening."

"Wait," I cry out, suddenly concerned.  "Celly-"

"Later, Discord.  Twilight, explain."

Twilight gulps, and then starts talking.

"It's just that, you asked me to reform Discord, and I decided that the best way to do that was to make friends with him, but he isn't exactly easy to be friends with, so I sort of changed my mindset to something that I thought would be more cohesive with his personality.  I mean, was that wrong?  It did work!  Wait, you do know that Discord is friendly now, right?"

"I may not have been myself while under the siren's magic, but I can remember everything that transpired.  I was very startled to see him, but now that I am able to think clearly, it is clear that he did what he did out of his friendship with you."

"Well, that's a good thing, right?  I thought that I could keep it under control and not act like that in front of other ponies, but I slipped up!"  she gasps.  "I'm not going to turn into a crazy unicorn who thinks like Discord, am I?"

"Wow, Twi," I say.  "It's a good thing that you have gotten to know me well enough that you know that I consider 'crazy' to be a complement!"

"You changed your behavior in order to relate to Discord better?"

"Yes!  I'm sorry!"

"Twilight, don't be sorry.  I have to do the very thing that you described all the time with foreign dignitaries.  For instance, the griffon ambassador is a little bit aggressive, and he gets very confused if when I fail to respond to him with a little bit of intimidation."

"Wait, you intimidate the griffon ambassador?"

"Subtly.  And he respects me for it."

"That doesn't sound very friendly though!" says Twilight in confusion.

"Well in a strange way, they seem to think it is."

"So you're saying that it's okay to act differently around different friends?"

"Of course it is!"

"But what about if I start thinking like that all the time!"

"Do you want to?"

"Of course not!"

"Then you won't," says Celestia with finality.

Twilight doesn't speak, but just stands where she is as she absorbs this information.

*GROOOOOAN!*

"Something to say, Discord?" asks Celestia.

"Celly, you're- I just can't believe you, you took one of my jokes and turned it into... A FRIENDSHIP LESSON!  You are relentless!"

"As are you, Discord."

I stroke my beard with my paw and think about it.

"Fair enough."

"What about Discord making illogical jokes about you that are obviously not true?" says Twilight suddenly.

"Let him.  I'm a mature pony.  It takes more than a slight joke at my expense for me to fly off the handle."

"Apparently though," I say, "you will fly off the handle from raindrop torture."

Celestia suddenly grows wide eyed before narrowing her eyes at me again.

"I knew there was some funny business going on!"

"Sister, what is this that thou speaketh of?"

"Discord has been following me and tormenting me on my vacation!" cries Celestia.

Before I can do anything, Twilight steps in front of me.

"I helped!" she cries.

Celestia looks down at Twilight in surprise.

"Discord sort of... ran away from us after you left him in Ponyville," she continues nervously.  "And then he ran into the Everfree and started plotting ways to get revenge on us all, especially you," she says, indicating Celestia.  "When I confronted him, I asked him what I could do to make him agree to give friendship a chance.  He asked me to help him... prank you."

Celestia continues staring at Twilight for about eight seconds before looking at me.

"Are you responsible for the mysterious reemergence of Princess Platinum's lost diadem?"

"Wait, what?" says Luna.

"Er, yes."

"Oh, thank goodness!" Celestia cries out in relief.  "I thought it was another relic from the past popping out of nowhere as a prelude to yet another disaster!"

"Hmm," I say.  "That would have been funny.  After I got my powers back, I could have summoned up an illusion of Platinum looking like a ghost and made her be all like 'Oooooooooooh, Celestia, I have come to you in order send you on an epic quest!' Although, I guess that would have been taking the whole thing too far."

"Yes," growls Celestia.  "It would have.  Have you at least gotten all of these 'pranks' out of your system?"

"What's this about the diadem?" says Luna in irritation.

"It was inside of Joker's Island gathering dust all this time.  She was supposed to come and get it, but she was too lazy."

"Discord!" cries Celestia.  "Have you gotten it out of your system?"

"I'll never get it out of my system, Celestia," I answer, and Celestia starts to look angry, but then I keep going.  "But I can go find somepony else to pester for a while.  Twilight here has already volunteered herself."

Celestia gives me a confused look.  "What do you mean?"

"Well, you see, after spending so much time together, Twilight became infatuated with me, and now we're in a rather romantic relationship!"  I snap and the purple unicorn pops into my arms.

All of Twilights friends, who until now have been watching the exchange in silent fascination, start reacting with various degrees of shock and disgust.

"Discord!" shouts Celestia.  "I may be willing to tolerate a few jokes, but KINDLY leave Twilight out of it!"

"Discord!"  Twilight cries at me in a perfectly audible shout-whisper.  "Couldn't you have let me found a less blunt way of telling them that?"

Everypony around us falls silent.

Suddenly Celestia falls sideways onto the ground.

"Oh no!"  Twilight hops out of my arms and runs toward her teacher.

"Sister!" cries Luna.  She rushes over to Celestia too and looks down at her.

"You are not fainted," she says in a normal tone.

"Unfortunately not."

"Perhaps I should see to the islanders," mutters Luna awkwardly.  "There is no doubt that they must be very confused now that their mind's are their own once again.  I should offer them the opportunity to board your flagship and make a new life far from this place."

Luna hurriedly leaves.

"How did no one ever notice that there was an evil siren living on an island a short ways from Manehattan, anyway?" I ask.

"She ensured that all boats that ever came near either never left the island, or else used her song to force them to forget," says Celestia from the ground, speaking in monotone.

Twilight walks over to her.

"You're trying to avoid the whole 'Discord and me' thing, arn't you?" she asks awkwardly.

"Twilight, you've committed yourself to the insane lord of chaos.  Of course I'm trying to not think about it.  I am suddenly very concerned for your future."

"But I thought you were okay with me being around Discord."

Celestia lets out a heavy sigh.  "I did say that.  If this is truly your wish, Twilight, then I dare not deny you."

"Come now, Celly, you're trying to hide it, but I know what you're really thinking!" I say with a grin.  "You're just mad that Twilight likes me more than you!"

Cestestia gasps and looks up at me like I'm even more insane than usual.

"I do not like her like that!" she cries in exasperation.

"Not what I meant," I answer honestly.  "But funny, regardless."

"You seem rather pleased with yourself for someone who finally accepted... friendship, and therefore must admit that I was right all along," Celestia taunts.

"Okay, sure," I say reluctantly.  "But yes, I am pleased with myself, as a matter of fact, because, one, I made friends my way, two, I got to annoy the sun out of you, three, Twilight likes me more than she likes you, and four, I finally, finally managed to defeat you!"

"You did not!" Celestia retorts.  "I had you dazed when Twilight and her friends distracted me, and you are lucky that they did, otherwise, I could have ended you!"

"Don't give me that!  I was holding back while you were trying to kill me, thanks to that fish messing with your head.  I definitely would have taken you out in a normal fight!"

"The only reason that you won was because of the help of your friends!"

"Princess, Discord, please, stop fighting!" cries Twilight.

Celestia and I glare at each other for a moment.

"You want a rematch sometime?" I offer.

"I'm busy, remember?" says Celestia.

"You found the time to have a week-long vacation," I point out.  "Surely you could reschedule some of those mind-numbingly dull meetings with ponies trying to get you to do them favors."

Celestia pauses to consider.

"Actually, I think I can arrange something."

"Deal!"

I look over at Twilight and her friends, who all have expressions of disbelief.

"So, it appears that this little adventure of ours has finally come to a close!" I say, stretching my arms out.  "So what sort of crazy thing are we going to do next?"

Twilight facehoofs.

"The next thing we are going to do is have some peace and quiet," she says in a commanding voice.

I droop and quickly become a puddle.

"I've been away from all of my friends for a while.  I'd like some time to catch up with them."

"Ugh!"

"But, I want you to come too.  I want everypony to at least get comfortable around you."

"But that sounds so-"

"I'll go with you afterward and we can have a chaos spree."

"Oh, is this compromising?" I ask with overdone enthusiasm.  "Can I remodel the Celestia balloon into a submersible?"

"The what?" cries Celestia morbid curiosity, still on her side.

"Oh cream cakes!" Twilight exclaims.  "I completely forgot about that!"

"So did I!" I exclaim.  "At least, until just now.  Let's show her, she'll love it!"

*SNAP*

The bloated blimp appears behind me right in view of Celestia, fully inflated, and I'm using my magic to keep it grounded.

"Oh, and look!" I cry, pulling an armful of photos from the supplies loaded into the blimp.  "Here's pictures of Twi and I following you around in it all week long!"

Celestia's head falls to the ground again.

"Wait, seriously?" cries Rainbow Dash, rushing forward.  "Let me see!"

I give Celestia a bemused look.

"Sure," I say to Rainbow, holding the photos out.  "I think Celestia is out cold for real this time anyway."
> Battleship (Bonus Chapter)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Kapoooie!" I cry as I blow up a piece of a scaled and functional replica of the Negotiator.  I look up at Twilight and Fluttershy expectantly.

We are sitting at a table inside Fluttershy's house.  Twilight and her are playing some sort of game about getting boats to fight on a board with a divider in the middle to keep them from cheating.  Of course, I can see both sides, and I can only barely restrain my desire to blurt out giveaways to both sides.

"Um, thank you for the... realistic illustration, Discord," says Twilight.  "But..."

I sigh.  "Let me guess, still too loud?"

"I'm afraid so.  Anyway, now It's my turn.  B-3!"

Fluttershy stares down at her board, saying nothing.

After about twenty seconds, Twilight speaks up.

"So... was that a miss, or a hit?"

Fluttershy looks up at Twilight.

"You sank my ship."
> Well I am Stuck With Her Now
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What are you doing?" asked Twilight of Rarity in shock.  "What happened to your cutie mark?"

For indeed, upon Rarity's flank was not her own gemstone motif, but Rainbow Dash's lightning bolt.

"What ever do you mean, darling?" asked Rarity in confusion.  "I'm simply doing what I've done since the day it first appeared."

Twilight stared in disbelief as Rarity continued using her magic to move storming clouds across the sky into a checkerboard pattern.

"But didn't that particular mark just appear today?" asked Twilight.

"Well, yes, but what I said is still true!"

"But your statement implied that you have a history of doing this sort of thing.  You don't!  If you had woken up today with that exact same mark and then decided to dress up as a clown, then by this time today, you would still be doing the exact same thing that you've always done since the day your mark appeared.  Even with a different mark, the way that you choose to spend your time is your own!"

"Ah... I suppose I see your point, but to be frank, clowns are not fabulous.  Funny, yes, but not fabulous."

"Well, to be perfectly honest, this isn't fabulous either!"

"Too last season?" asked Rarity helplessly.

"Where is Rainbow Dash?" asked Twilight.  "Why isn't she stopping this?"

"I expect that she is at her cottage, taking care of the animals, as usual," answered Rarity.

"What?" cried Twilight in alarm.  "What do you mean as usual?  And how do you even know that?"

"What do you mean?" asked Rarity.

"Have you ever actually seen Rainbow Dash living in the cottage or trying to take care of animals?"

"Well of course," answered Rarity as though it was obvious.  "I've seen her at the cottage several times, and she is very loving of Tank."

"Argh!  I don't know what's going on here, but I'm going to get to the bottom of it.  I'll be back later, Rarity.  Um, by the way, I'm pretty sure that there isn't any rain scheduled for today."

"Well, that's disappointing.  I suppose I had better figure out what to do with these things."





Rainbow Dash was indeed living in Fluttershy's Cottage, and not having an easy time trying to do Fluttershy's job.  Twilight barraged her with several questions, and in answer, Rainbow Dash had broken into a song.

After it was over, Twilight only had one thing to say.

"Wait, why is Gummy here?"

Rainbow Dash paused to consider.  "I dunno.  Pinkie Pie dropped him off in a hurry, said that she had to get back to farm work."

"Oh, great!  Pinkie too?  But that still doesn't explain why Gummy is here, she should have taken him with her!  And where is Fluttershy?!"





Twilight walked past a crowd of ponies watching Fluttershy's meager attempt at entertainment in bemusement and approached the counter, where Mr. Cake was standing.

"Does Fluttershy even actually work here?"

"No, but that doesn't mean that she's forbidden from doing what she is doing.  Even if she's... not going over too well."

"Fair enough.  Where is Pinkie Pie?"





Twilight stared in bemusement as Pinkie Pie attempted and failed to buck an apple tree.

"What is going on here?  I've seen you do this before."

"No need to remind me!" grumbled Pinkie Pie in frustration.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound that way.  It's just that I know that you are capable of doing this, at least, so something has definitely gone horribly wrong!"

"Something has gone horribly wrong alright!" cried Pinkie Pie.  "I woke up this morning and everything started to fall appart!"

Twilight looked around at the decrepit farm around her.

"Pun not intended!" groaned Pinkie.

"I know.  That's the problem."

Twilight wordlessly walked away and walked up to the farmhouse and knocked.

A moment later, Applebloom opened the door and looked up at her.

"Are you aware that Pinkie is trying to do Applejack's job?"

"Yeah, ah know.  We can't make her go away."

"Why aren't the rest of you out working too?"

"Everypony else is.  Just not near her."

"But shouldn't somepony keep an eye on her?"

"Well, she doesn't seem to actually be hurting anything..."

"Well, where is Applejack?"

"She went to Rarity's boutique.  I think she and Pinkie both caught a sudden case of the crazy."

"Ugh..."





Twilight looked at the mess of what Applejack called 'dresses'.

"Granny Smith does all the knitting and sewing in your family, doesn't she."

"Yup."





Twilight flung the door to the library in and hurried inside.

"This is bad!" she cried.  "This is very, very bad!"

"What's going on?" cried Spike, following after her.  "Why is this happening?!"

"Yes, I should very much like to know what the fuss is as well!"

Suddenly the bust on top of the lectern in the center of the library morphed shape and transformed into Discord.





"Well, you picked a convenient time to show up," says Twilight in frustration.  "Where were you before now?"

"I was asleep," I answer her.  "But I woke up because the magical trace that I put on you told me that you are under a great deal more stress than usual, and when I checked, Ponyville was indeed in a state of... much chaos."

"Were you responsible for this?" cries Twilight.

"I never said that.  I had nothing to do with it.  Whatever it is."

"Sorry, I'm just under a lot of stress right now and...  Wait, you put a trace on me?"

"A non-intrusive one, I assure you.  After all, now that we're dating and all, and considering how often you throw yourself into dangerous  situations, I thought it would be a good idea for me to be able to locate you quickly, in case of emergency.  I'll show you how to block it without actually severing it later, in case you want to throw me a surprise party or something."

"Uh, well, okay.  I mean, it isn't as though you couldn't burst in on my privacy at any time you wish anyway."

"Exactly."

"Discord, please stop being so happy when I'm so upset."

"It simply can't be helped, Twilight.  Despite the fact that I am reformed now, I am still the same Draconequus I was before, and I have always felt livened up in the presence of chaos, and yes, even strife, in all of their forms, even the ones that are not so conducive to friendship.  Now, what's got you in such a tizzy, my dear?"

Twilight let out a sigh.  "It all started last night.  I got a special delivery from the Princess."





One brief explanation later:



"So..." I begin.  "Let me get this straight.  Starswirl was trying to perfect a masterpiece of a spell, but he didn't finish it, and Celly asked you to finish it."

"Right."

"But it turns out that his version of the spell messed up the elements of harmony?"

Twilight hesitated.

"That appears to be the case.  Starswirl was a genius, but as I said, even he never got it right."

"And apparently, changing the elements of harmony scrambled your friends cutie marks."

"I should have never cast that spell..."

"You would think that the element of harmony couldn't be changed just like that," I muse.  "Shouldn't they be able to defend themselves from that sort of thing?"

"They should," Twilight agreed.  "But this is strange and powerful magic created by the greatest wizard in history."

"And his spell made the already flawed elements of harmony even worse," I point out.

"Wh- what?" says Twilight weakly.  "Flawed?"

"Keep an open mind here," I say.  I snap and a figurine of myself trapped in stone alongside Nightmare Moon standing on a disproportionately small moon appeared on the lectern (which I still haven't climbed out of).  Now, is it true that the elements of harmony were responsible for these two things?"

"Well, yes, obviously."

"Was it the right thing to do?"

Twilight seemed to start to speak, but then stopped and just gave me an incredulous look.

"Something had to be done, in both scenarios!" she argues.

"Yes, I agree.  That is not the issue.  The issue is that the elements banished Luna for a thousand years.  If that banishment was intended to rehabilitate her, it sorely failed.  If that banishment was meant to punish her, then it is no surprised that she was super peeved and looking for revenge by the time she got back.  If it was meant to be a period of time in which to neutralize her until suitable ponies stepped forward to embody the elements of harmony, then why in the hay did it take a whole thousand years?  Was there seriously nopony before you that could have also filled in those horseshoes?  So, perhaps a few years of imprisonment might have been a good thing.  But no matter how you look at it, a whole thousand years is outrageous.

"And this one..." I say, tapping on the figure of my stone self.  "Well, Celestia and you both decided that the right thing to do was to let me out, which was also against what the elements intended.

"Now, is harmony itself flawed?  No, it is not.  But those elements are.  And now, they've been messed up even more."

"Discord, stop trying to confuse her!" cries Spike in frustration.

"Spike, he's right," says Twilight, turning to him.

"He is?"

"I'm afraid so."

"So does he know how to fix this?" Spike cries out.  "Do you?"

"Not in a way that would satisfy you," I answer.  "I could work my magic to alter their minds, but they still wouldn't be the same.

"Not to mention," Twilight interjects, "a friendship that you force isn't really a friendship at all."

"Right.  And I can't turn the elements back to the way that they were before either.  They don't respond to my magic.  Although, apparently, they respond to Twilight's."

"They respond to Starswirl's spell" says Twilight, "not me."

"And the fact that you are the embodiment of the element of magic has nothing to do with it, I'm sure," I say sarcastically.

Twilight looks at me in surprise.  "I didn't think of that."

"You should consider yourself lucky that you didn't swap your own cutie mark onto somepony else too," I say.

"I know."

"So why don't you just use that spell to fix their memories just like when Discord here changed them?" asks Spike.

"It's not their memories, Spike," says Twilight in despair.  "It's their true selves that have been altered!"

"Zecora's cure for the cutie pox?" says Spike.

"That won't work either!"

Twilight begins walking away with her head hung low.

"Well, maybe it won't be so bad," says Spike.  "Maybe our friends will grow to like their new lives."

"No, Spike.  They are not who they were meant to be anymore.  Their destinies are now changed.  And it's all my fault! she finishes helplessly.

Spike looks at me and makes a gesture at me that says 'Help me out here!'

"Um..."

Twilight hears and looks back at me.

"You know, I like your version of harmony a lot better than the one enforced by the elements of 'so-called' harmony anyway.  It's just better."

"Thank you, Discord.  But this problem still remains, and even if I am actually better than the elements are, I don't know what to do about all of this."

She then continued on and disappeared to the upper floor.

Spike chases after her after a moment, leaving me alone.

I have to figure out some way to cheer her up.  Maybe flowers?  Mares like flowers, right?  Should I grab some from my dimension, or are they too weird?

I must have gotten lost in contemplation, because suddenly, Twilight comes trotting down the stairs again with the box that sometimes but not currently holds the elements of harmony in her magical grasp, and looking quite chipper.

"I may not be able to remind them of who they are," she says, "but I can show them what they mean to each other!"

She approaches the display with the elements inside and lifts the glass and put the elements into her box.

"They'll find the part of themselves that's been lost so they can help the friend they care about so much!"

She gives the box to Spike, who eagerly accepts it.

"What are you going on about, Twi?" I ask in confusion.

"I'll explain later!" she answers, and she runs out the door.

"What did you do?" I ask Spike.

"I just told her that she would figure out how to fix this because these are her friends."

He runs off after her too.

"Hmm..." I muse out loud.  "Should I follow her too...?  Nah, I'll probably just say something stupid and screw everything up."





A while later, Twilight, wearing the element of magic on her head, bursts through the door and then comes to a stop as she gazes around at the library in surprise.

I snap my claws and turn the room right-side up and return the animated books to their normal state and positions.

Twilight gives me a look.

"I thought it was best to let you do your thing, but I don't want to go back home until I am sure that you're alright, so I just made myself comfortable for a bit.  Everything is back to normal now though, see?"

"Yes, thank you Discord," she says as she walks into the library, her friends all behind her, each with their own cutie marks, and each wearing their respective elements of harmony, now colored correctly-.

"Ah, I see that you fixed whatever happened," I say.  "And it looks like the elements are back to normal too."

"Actually, they are not, not quite yet," says Twilight.  "I still have to fix them.  The task of repairing them falls to me.  But I realized that you were right, Discord.  As incredible as they are, the elements of harmony are... well, the elements of harmony.  They are not the elements of friendship, and, it appears that friendship is not a priority to the elements.  Their biggest priority is ensuring harmony, and achieving it by doing the things which you so disapprove of is apparently acceptable to them.  Princess Celestia has always been the one to advocate of the power of friendship to me, not the elements.  In the past, we always just pointed them at the villain and let them work their magic, but not this time.  Not when I have a better way.  I can make them do what I  want them to do.  I can control them!"

"Whoa now, Twilight!" I cry in sudden alarm.  "That sounds nice and all, but are you sure you know what you are doing?  Trying to change, oh, just the elements of harmony like that?  What if they get mad at you?"

"I already changed them, admittedly, not in a good way, and they don't seem to be mad.  But this time I know what was missing from Starswirl's spell!"

"What's that?" I ask in bewilderment.

"Friendship."

"Ah, of course."

"And, since I have to repair the elements anyway...  I sort of have to change them to fit my vision.  It is the only way I can think of that will fix them."

"I don't suppose just leaving them the way that they are now is an option, is it?"

"Trust me, this is for the best."

Twilight picks Starswirl's journal off of the lectern and holds up a quill and begins writing.

"From all of us together, together we are friends.  With the marks of our destinies there is magic without end!"

There is a crack of magic power as Twilight finishes her revised version of the spell and the element of magic pulses.  The other elements suddenly start shooting beams of magic into Twilight, who is suddenly surrounded by so much energy that she is engulfed by a sphere of magic.

I snap and materialize a pair of sunglasses onto my face.

"Come on, even I'm not that showy!  Did you really have to stand two feet in front of my nose?"

The magic comes to an end, revealing a most unexpected sight.

Where Twilight previously stood is nothing but a burnt and smoking floor.

The others all let out screams of horror.

"Where did she go?" cries Applejack.

"Worry not, I just so happened to have placed a trace on dear Twilight that should allow me to locate her so long as she is somewhere in this dimension!"

I snap to get the spell to pulse Twilight's location.  And get zilch back.

"Oh.  I guess she must not be in this dimension.  The spell worked earlier after all, so I know it isn't my fault that I can't find her."

"Even you can't find her?" cries Rainbow Dash.

"I know somepony who might," I say.  "And she's the one who gave Twi that book in the first place.  I'm going to go give her a piece of my mind!"

*SNAP*

My sudden appearance causes even the princess of the night to startle a bit.

"Discord!  What is the meaning of this intrusion!"

"Where's Celestia?" I ask in frustration.  "I had meant to teleport directly to her location, but instead, I get you.  Why?"

"Celestia is unavailable."

"What?"

"I don't know where she went, Discord!  She approached me with much speed and hastily told me to take care of anything that comes up until she returns, and then she vanished."

I reach out with my magic sense and find no trace of Celestia.

"Argh!  Are you serious Celestia!"

Suddenly, I finally get a pulse back from Twilight, but her magical signature is severely warped.

Without another word, I snap again and vanish.

I find myself reappearing right outside of Twilight's library, and her friends are already outside of it, doubtlessly looking for their missing friend.  They are shielding their eyes from a bright light in the sky.  I turn and look up at it and see, little to my surprise, Twilight's cutie mark floating down to the ground.

When it lands, it fades out, leaving Twilight herself behind.  I immediately see that something is changed.

My body goes stiff as a board and I fall forward into the ground.  I hit it with a splash and disappear under it.

Well, Twilight's an alicorn.  It's not fake either, the magic she's emitting now confirms that.

I am now officially stuck with this book worm for the rest of eternity.

Suddenly, a voice from above stands out to me.

"That's because she is a princess."

I twist my body into a spinning tornado and drill through the ground back up to the surface.

I emerge in front of Princess Celestia, who looks at me in shock.

"You're the one responsible for this!" I cry out, pointing an accusatory finger at her.

"I beg your pardon?" she answers neutrally.

"You turned Twilight into an alicorn!"

"Twilight turned herself into an alicorn because she did something that nopony has ever done before.  She created new magic."

"Okay, sure, I guess, but you're the one who gave her that journal!"

"I am, but I was not certain that this outcome would indeed come to pass.  I did hope, but I was not certain.  As I said, nothing like this has ever happened before.

"Okay, but the point is, you've only been aware of my relationship with Twilight for a couple of days now and already you went and turned her into an unaging alicorn so that I will never be apart from her!"

Celestia looked taken aback.

"That was not my intention, I assure you.  I have been waiting to give her that journal for a very long time now.  The timing is entirely coincidental, I assure you.  Besides, just because she-"

"Whatever, it doesn't matter," I answer back.  "She's an alicorn now and it's still your doing, directly or no.  You just made my marefriend even more amazing than she was before.  So, I just wanted to let you know that I now no longer hold anything against you.  You're alright in my book, Celestia."

I transform myself into a giant floating book with eyes and open up to a page with Celestia's name on it, and then make a checkmark appear beside it.

Celestia doesn't say anything as I transform back.

"Twilight," I say, "If you ever need someone to practice your far-more-powerful-than-you-are-used-to magic with, you have but to ask and I shall eagerly provide you assistance.  But for now, I think Celly wants to pry you away from me for princess stuff.  Have fun!"

I snap and disappear.

But I'll be back soon enough.